Tiff24
07-14-2008, 11:51 PM
My son is 17.5 months old and he has turned into a little monster! I really need some advise on how to handle him. I'm sure he's going through his terrible two's. He's been having very frequent mood changes and temper tantrums. He's always been a laid-back, very happy boy. If you told him "no" he would just go play with something else. It's just been the past few weeks where he's been showing some "bratty" behavior. He throws everything! He'll pick up a block and look at me or my husband and throw it. We warn him that if he throws another one, that he'll go in time-out. Right away, he'll pick up another one, look at us, then throw it. It's this way with everything! He's constantly getting scolded 'cause he's either throwing things, standing on the couch, smacking someone or ripping his books. He has NEVER ripped his books before a few weeks ago. He's never hit our dog before a few weeks ago or even thrown things. This is completely different behavior than we are used to. He has quite a few temper tantrums also. If he doesn't get something, he screams and cries. If you put him down before he wants down, he makes his legs go limp and screams. LOL! I know some of you are reading this and thinking "what a brat! He must be spoiled!" We do not give in to his tantrums... EVER! We always (well I always) follow through with time-out or a swat on the butt. I've read that you need a strict routine when your child hits the "terrible twos". Our routine is pretty strict already though. Please help turn my monster back into my angel! :)
Also, he gets super frustrated when he can't figure things out. Like if his square block won't fit in the round hole, he throws a tantrum. At night, I let him pick two books to read before bed. If I start reading the wrong one first, he throws a crying fit.
Also, he gets super frustrated when he can't figure things out. Like if his square block won't fit in the round hole, he throws a tantrum. At night, I let him pick two books to read before bed. If I start reading the wrong one first, he throws a crying fit.
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felix61379
07-15-2008, 09:51 AM
Your son doesn't sound bratty at all!! He sounds NORMAL! The key is to follow through on punishment for any bad behavior. He's learning brand new things now. They think it is sooo cool to throw things at that age. All my kids did it. Hitting, jumping, all those things are kids learning how to express themselves. Just tell them that they can't do that because they could get a boo boo. If they continue, punish them by time out or whatever works best for your child. Time out for my kids wasn't the best deterrent. Each of my kids has a trigger and it took my awhile to find it. My daughter has a baby doll and she really doesn't want her baby doll to take a break, so she tries really hard to not make mommy mad enough to take it away for awhile. With my son it's money (he is 3 and obsessed with change). I take a quarter from his wallet when he disobeys me. My other 2 are a bit older and for them it's no bike ect... Good luck and hang in there, it will get much better!
Tiff24
07-16-2008, 11:26 PM
Thanks so much for your advice. We've been really consistent with time outs but we are seeing no progress. My husband and I decided on a different spot for time outs, we are hoping it will work a little better. I used the new spot for the first time tonight. Aden couldn't have cared less that he had to sit in time out, but when his time was up he started crying when I told him he could get up! LOL! So I told him he could go back and sit in the corner if he wanted to and he did. Oh, what am I gonna do?! :)
felix61379
07-17-2008, 11:31 AM
Ha Ha! He sounds just like my 3 year old. He sits in time out very well. In fact he likes to sing "on top of spaghetti" while there. It's like he's not affected at all. My best advice is to just be consistent and stick to it. Don't threaten and not follow through. It drives me nuts to hear a parent dish out a HUGE threat that they know they will not follow through on. The kid knows it too!! My niece knows that her father will threaten bedtime and never go through with it. As your child gets a bit older, you can change up the punishment, but for now, time out might work best. Good luck and try and keep your sanity, it can be a struggle at times at best!
manj
07-17-2008, 01:18 PM
Been thru' this with both of my 2 little brats(I always wonder if little girls are better behaved at this age) - anyway boys are boys.
Looked and asked for a lot of help. F
(removed )
The Best Thing I learnt along the way is that as parents we've got to have clear boundries for everyone at home and Parents Must Be Consistent at all times.
Good Luck
manj:)
Looked and asked for a lot of help. F
(removed )
The Best Thing I learnt along the way is that as parents we've got to have clear boundries for everyone at home and Parents Must Be Consistent at all times.
Good Luck
manj:)
Tiff24
07-17-2008, 06:15 PM
I actually have a cousin who would always threaten her boys and she NEVER followed through and they knew she wouldn't. They behaved horribly! We always follow through with time out. Sometimes, he doesn't even get a warning, like if he smacks me in the face, he goes straight to time out for that one. He didn't mind being in time out at all today. It's frustrating! I sat him down on his time out rug and told him he had to stay on it, so he just stood there goofing off. I actually had to look away 'cause I was starting to smile. He's such a stinker! I'm actually hoping he gets attached to a toy soon so that I can take it away when he acts up. How terrible is that?! I can't think of anything, besides time out, for a punishment. We'll continue time outs though, maybe we'll try them for a little longer.
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07-17-2008, 07:07 PM
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Hope2Heal
07-18-2008, 01:08 AM
HI
I have a 23 month old and have gone through this twice, once about 15 months and one about 3 weeks ago. Both times the same thing worked so I will share it with you.
Guess what? Time out and swats on butt may work for older kids but NOT for toddlers. Guess what you are doing ? Giving them attention ! Yes even negative attention but toddlers are so self centered they will take any and all attention. I have a book about toddlers that suggest IGNORING bad behavior as long as it is not harmful is the most effective, because toddlers just HATE to be ignored.
My son has similar personality to yours, sweet and laid back then suddenly turned monster overnight. I was not going to accept that the every 3 minute tantrums were just normal. I had to intervene. I did 2 things.
1- Cut back ALL sugar from his diet for a few days, including juice, cookies, cereal bars, cereal, and anything that said it had sugar in it. AFter about 3 days I reintroduced juice in diluted form. Juicy Juice has 26 grams of sugar in each cup! Yogurt about 17 grams or more, etc. ONce I cut back the sugar he had worse tantrums at first then suddenly began eating more normal foods and since he is eating better now, not as irritable and not as easily frustrated.
2-Since we got into this habit of ."Wahhh grrrrrr scream!@!!" Oh what s wrong are you ok? can i help you?" Just seemed to make tantrums worse and left US frustrated. NOw, since I know he can communicate , we ignore all the screams, cries and tantrums. If he is hurt, then we comfort. If he is doing something dangerous such as throwing something at us, I pick him up put him in his room and say, NO throwing! You play by yourself!" and shut the door. I use the baby monitor to listen in. He plays by himself a few minutes then I hear him trying to get out. I go to him and he is usually ready for a hug. I say are you ready to come out and play nice now?
If he is not hurting anyone or himself, I COMPLETELY ignore him, if I am playing with him and he starts, I just get up and walk away. IF he is frustrated because he cannot fit a circle into a square and screams and throws the shape, I ignore it. Does this sound mean? YEs it does! But it is not. Becase I know my child can communicate. And by ignoring the tantrums it forces him to attempt communcation. The first 2 days it all got worse. But by day 2 he suddenly changed. The circle didn't fit, he screamed, threw it. Then after like a minute picked it up and tried again. Didn't fit. Then walked across the room and handed me the shape and pointed to the puzzle saying uh uh uh circa circa So then I say wow you used your words good job do you need help?
Sorry to go on and on. This is an issue dear to my heart, because I believe that NOW is the time to start getting control of your chlds tantrums and believe it can be done. I worked with preshool kids for many years and can't tell you how many 4 year olds are still throwing fits.
I am happy to say, my son is doing great. He still throws tantrums here and there but has made drastic improvement. I still keep his sugar levels very low and notice a change when he eats a lot of sugar or doesn't have a lot of protein. good luck I hope this helps.
I have a 23 month old and have gone through this twice, once about 15 months and one about 3 weeks ago. Both times the same thing worked so I will share it with you.
Guess what? Time out and swats on butt may work for older kids but NOT for toddlers. Guess what you are doing ? Giving them attention ! Yes even negative attention but toddlers are so self centered they will take any and all attention. I have a book about toddlers that suggest IGNORING bad behavior as long as it is not harmful is the most effective, because toddlers just HATE to be ignored.
My son has similar personality to yours, sweet and laid back then suddenly turned monster overnight. I was not going to accept that the every 3 minute tantrums were just normal. I had to intervene. I did 2 things.
1- Cut back ALL sugar from his diet for a few days, including juice, cookies, cereal bars, cereal, and anything that said it had sugar in it. AFter about 3 days I reintroduced juice in diluted form. Juicy Juice has 26 grams of sugar in each cup! Yogurt about 17 grams or more, etc. ONce I cut back the sugar he had worse tantrums at first then suddenly began eating more normal foods and since he is eating better now, not as irritable and not as easily frustrated.
2-Since we got into this habit of ."Wahhh grrrrrr scream!@!!" Oh what s wrong are you ok? can i help you?" Just seemed to make tantrums worse and left US frustrated. NOw, since I know he can communicate , we ignore all the screams, cries and tantrums. If he is hurt, then we comfort. If he is doing something dangerous such as throwing something at us, I pick him up put him in his room and say, NO throwing! You play by yourself!" and shut the door. I use the baby monitor to listen in. He plays by himself a few minutes then I hear him trying to get out. I go to him and he is usually ready for a hug. I say are you ready to come out and play nice now?
If he is not hurting anyone or himself, I COMPLETELY ignore him, if I am playing with him and he starts, I just get up and walk away. IF he is frustrated because he cannot fit a circle into a square and screams and throws the shape, I ignore it. Does this sound mean? YEs it does! But it is not. Becase I know my child can communicate. And by ignoring the tantrums it forces him to attempt communcation. The first 2 days it all got worse. But by day 2 he suddenly changed. The circle didn't fit, he screamed, threw it. Then after like a minute picked it up and tried again. Didn't fit. Then walked across the room and handed me the shape and pointed to the puzzle saying uh uh uh circa circa So then I say wow you used your words good job do you need help?
Sorry to go on and on. This is an issue dear to my heart, because I believe that NOW is the time to start getting control of your chlds tantrums and believe it can be done. I worked with preshool kids for many years and can't tell you how many 4 year olds are still throwing fits.
I am happy to say, my son is doing great. He still throws tantrums here and there but has made drastic improvement. I still keep his sugar levels very low and notice a change when he eats a lot of sugar or doesn't have a lot of protein. good luck I hope this helps.
Tiff24
07-20-2008, 12:56 PM
Hope2Heal, I completely agree with you that now is the time to get control and stop Aden's tantrums. I don't want a child that everyone dreads to see coming when he gets a little older. I have come to understand that, as he is trying to communicate better, this behavior is normal. However, I also understand that as his mom, it is my job to teach him that it is not acceptable to throw fits and scream when he doesn't get his way and I intend to teach him that. Having said that, I'm a sucker for my little boy.:) While I don't look at him as "my boy does no wrong", he does have me wrapped aroung his finger. He's my first child, so I'm still trying to figure out what works best in the discipline area. While ignoring the bad behavior would probably work, I don't forsee myself doing that anytime soon. Like I said, I'm a sucker for my boy! We are going to be sticking with the time outs for a few more weeks to see if they help before we decide a different route. I appreciate your advice very much! We just might end up trying it, just not right now. :) Thank you! The past few days, Aden has actually been awesome! He's listening so well and not throwing fits quite as much.