Sorry I'm posting this here, but I'm not registered.

Hi. I’m 13, and I’m really scared right now. I’ve thought about suicide, but it’s off my mind for now. I started liking girls a lot in 5th grade and then in 6th grade also. Beginning seventh grade, I did research on the Internet for a science project and accidentally ran into a gay porn site. And I tried to stop looking at them, but couldn’t, but I’ve already stopped looking at them for now. The problem is that I know I’m not gay or bisexual, I’m straight. But those stupid sites got me all confused and everything. It’s like my mind is saying to be gay when I’m sure I don’t want to, and then my true feelings for girls is hidden somewhere deep inside. Well, I’ve had four girlfriends so far, and my last relationship had to end because we ended up going to different high schools. I suppose I’m worried more about my future like getting married and having children and then divorcing and becoming gay or something. And it’s not really easy for me to stop worrying. I’ve been worrying about this since 7th grade, I’d appreciate any advice. - Thanks.

You need to call a helpline in your area and talk with someone. Suicide is not the answer! Also, being gay is not the ONLY way to get HIV. Many young people are getting HIV from heterosexual sex and from injecting drugs these days.
My advise to you is this; Don't worry yourself about this. There is no reason for you to have sex to find out if your gay or straight. Wait a few years, see who you are more comfortable being around (without sex) males or females or both. You have lots of time. If you find yourself in a situation where you might have sex, than play safe --- use a condom or just masturbate by yourself or with that person. Just relax and take your time. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif But if you are still thinking about suicide PLEASE call or talk with someone!!

Hi. Thanks for replying, I've registered with this UserName. I called a Youth Crisis Line. But it didn't really help. I still feel the same, worse. I'm feeling more thoughts about depression and suicide, but I'm so scared. What should I do now?

Please click the link at the top of the forum if you're contemplating suicide. We're not professional counselors (or at least the majority of us aren't) and I think you can understand how the HB staff would not want to be held liable in case something happens.

I do urge you to talk to someone though, because untreated depression (aside from your confused sexuality issue) does not magically heal itself in the long run.

On a related note, I wonder why you chose this forum for this issue. It would go much better in Teen Issues.