Volve
07-30-2008, 04:30 PM
I have been a bit different all my life I think. Remember when I was a little girl. I read the newspaper in one of my grandmothers apple trees. For me it was a big moment. For others a bit weird.
I see most of you are from the US. I am from Europe. I hope my english is not annoying you. In my country finding a shrink is not easy. There is waiting lists.
My father has paranoia my mother always say. I was never able to connect to him. My mother say he is difficult to understand. I don't think she understands what I am about to discover. I hate to have to tell her some day.
Now I feel like I can not keep my job. It's really a parttime job. Not much to talk about. A easy job but extremely stressfull at times. My chest is in pains. I thought it was my heart in combination with Bipolar. Reading here I realize it might be connected. Someone said on the radio one day that longtime high values of stresshormons cortisol, might cause heartproblems later in life. I will soon turn 40. Dreadfull! My doctor has said my values are high.
I saw the documentary by an english comedian . He made a documentary about his own disorder. I felt very much at home. My anger and aggression. Feeling of the hole world been against me. My different moods.
I had one depression I feel was very severe. I still dread it. If I ever had one again it might end my life. I am thinking of taking my life almost every day now. I am using music to keep it away. Hard metal music, releaves the anger I feel inside. It stops me feeling sorry for my self. It tells me to pick myself together.
I'm suffering from anxiety probably from paranoia witch makes my work difficult. All those people I have to meet every day. Have to say "Hei" to them. I hate it. We don't have the manpower needed in periods of the day. People come and go at different times. It is vacation for many people now and they don't come when they leave work or is having a break as usual.
I just wanted to introduce myself really. I have been thinking of calling a shrink for for a long time. Never got there. I have the paper I need from my regular doctor but have to find the right one I guess.
Is it important what kind of at doctor he is?
I see most of you are from the US. I am from Europe. I hope my english is not annoying you. In my country finding a shrink is not easy. There is waiting lists.
My father has paranoia my mother always say. I was never able to connect to him. My mother say he is difficult to understand. I don't think she understands what I am about to discover. I hate to have to tell her some day.
Now I feel like I can not keep my job. It's really a parttime job. Not much to talk about. A easy job but extremely stressfull at times. My chest is in pains. I thought it was my heart in combination with Bipolar. Reading here I realize it might be connected. Someone said on the radio one day that longtime high values of stresshormons cortisol, might cause heartproblems later in life. I will soon turn 40. Dreadfull! My doctor has said my values are high.
I saw the documentary by an english comedian . He made a documentary about his own disorder. I felt very much at home. My anger and aggression. Feeling of the hole world been against me. My different moods.
I had one depression I feel was very severe. I still dread it. If I ever had one again it might end my life. I am thinking of taking my life almost every day now. I am using music to keep it away. Hard metal music, releaves the anger I feel inside. It stops me feeling sorry for my self. It tells me to pick myself together.
I'm suffering from anxiety probably from paranoia witch makes my work difficult. All those people I have to meet every day. Have to say "Hei" to them. I hate it. We don't have the manpower needed in periods of the day. People come and go at different times. It is vacation for many people now and they don't come when they leave work or is having a break as usual.
I just wanted to introduce myself really. I have been thinking of calling a shrink for for a long time. Never got there. I have the paper I need from my regular doctor but have to find the right one I guess.
Is it important what kind of at doctor he is?
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katlin09
07-30-2008, 07:27 PM
Hey Volve,
I'm sorry that you are having such a time of it. I know that having thoughts of harming onesself is not, can be a very scary thing. I hope that you can get into see a psychiatrist soon, and he works well with you. I know how hard depression can be. I am a BPII w/severe Suicidal Depression. I myself just finished a stint in the hospital lately. It's really important that you find someoone to help you through this until you get with a doc. The diff between a Psychiatrist and a Psychologist is that the Psychiatrist can prescribe meds. He would be your best start.
Keep us posted and good luck!
I'm sorry that you are having such a time of it. I know that having thoughts of harming onesself is not, can be a very scary thing. I hope that you can get into see a psychiatrist soon, and he works well with you. I know how hard depression can be. I am a BPII w/severe Suicidal Depression. I myself just finished a stint in the hospital lately. It's really important that you find someoone to help you through this until you get with a doc. The diff between a Psychiatrist and a Psychologist is that the Psychiatrist can prescribe meds. He would be your best start.
Keep us posted and good luck!
Luanne72
07-30-2008, 11:15 PM
Hi Volve--
Welcome. The most important thing is to find a doctor who can give you a definite diagnosis. This will help you both figure out what your next steps should be. You say you have a paper from your doctor; is this a referral to another doctor or is this for medication?
It sounds like you have really struggled with depression for a long time. I have too and was only diagnosed as bipolar last year. Having the correct diagnosis has really helped me understand my mood changes a lot better.
I hope you can find a doctor who can help you start to feel hopeful again. It is helpful for me to know that there are other people who have the same thought patterns and struggles as I do. Please post again and let us know what you find out.
Take care--
Luanne
Welcome. The most important thing is to find a doctor who can give you a definite diagnosis. This will help you both figure out what your next steps should be. You say you have a paper from your doctor; is this a referral to another doctor or is this for medication?
It sounds like you have really struggled with depression for a long time. I have too and was only diagnosed as bipolar last year. Having the correct diagnosis has really helped me understand my mood changes a lot better.
I hope you can find a doctor who can help you start to feel hopeful again. It is helpful for me to know that there are other people who have the same thought patterns and struggles as I do. Please post again and let us know what you find out.
Take care--
Luanne
Bunnylover
07-30-2008, 11:32 PM
Welcome. Your English is perfectly understandable. I'm glad you're going to go see a doctor about your problems--whether you turn out to have bipolar or not, it sounds like a good idea.
I'm not sure what your doctor options are, but ideally you would want to see a psychiatrist. Is that possible?
I'm not sure what your doctor options are, but ideally you would want to see a psychiatrist. Is that possible?
seaturtle
07-31-2008, 12:08 AM
Hello, and welcome!
I am sorry you are having such trouble for so long, but it is good that you want to find a doctor to help you.
Usually, we see a psychiatrist (a medical doctor who prescribes medication) and a therapist. Therapist is a counselor to talk to and get help in coping with depression, anxiety.
Your doctor would also be able to help you choose someone, I would think.
You do sound very depressed and anxious, and I hope you can get help very soon.
Please feel free to keep writing on this board. There are many here who will try to help you.
I am sorry you are having such trouble for so long, but it is good that you want to find a doctor to help you.
Usually, we see a psychiatrist (a medical doctor who prescribes medication) and a therapist. Therapist is a counselor to talk to and get help in coping with depression, anxiety.
Your doctor would also be able to help you choose someone, I would think.
You do sound very depressed and anxious, and I hope you can get help very soon.
Please feel free to keep writing on this board. There are many here who will try to help you.
Volve
07-31-2008, 05:40 AM
Thank you. I feel a little bit better today. I still keep finding excuses for not seeing my regular doctor today. Whay can't I get an appointment as anyone else?
We have a different system here. Most medicals is partly paid for by the social security office here. Therefore I need a prescription from my doctor.
When I wrote yesterday I had been talking with my boss. He wants to review my job juli 5. I can't cope with the stress and want's him to fire me. It is sosial security issues again. If he gives me a month notice as would be usual, I can get benefits for some time. I don't know if I am able to get a new job, but I can't keep this one.
It is really silly to take things this way I feel. But I can't take it straight on. My anger keeps me getting into trouble with my closest boss. I don't respect her. She is week, but still won't talk about the troubles at job for everyone. It is not only my troubles. But I just can't talk to her about it. I don't think she is able to persuade her boss about it. He's the one I have a meeting with.
We have a different system here. Most medicals is partly paid for by the social security office here. Therefore I need a prescription from my doctor.
When I wrote yesterday I had been talking with my boss. He wants to review my job juli 5. I can't cope with the stress and want's him to fire me. It is sosial security issues again. If he gives me a month notice as would be usual, I can get benefits for some time. I don't know if I am able to get a new job, but I can't keep this one.
It is really silly to take things this way I feel. But I can't take it straight on. My anger keeps me getting into trouble with my closest boss. I don't respect her. She is week, but still won't talk about the troubles at job for everyone. It is not only my troubles. But I just can't talk to her about it. I don't think she is able to persuade her boss about it. He's the one I have a meeting with.
katlin09
07-31-2008, 10:30 AM
Volve,
Hopefully you'll be able to get into see a docter soon, I think you would benefit from that greatly. If your job is so very stressful and you really don't need it, maybe it is time to end it, because stress can make the life of a BP'er very difficult.
Hopefully you'll be able to get into see a docter soon, I think you would benefit from that greatly. If your job is so very stressful and you really don't need it, maybe it is time to end it, because stress can make the life of a BP'er very difficult.
Volve
08-17-2008, 07:23 AM
Yes well. My boss didn't think he had reasons to fire me. I'm struggling to keep a lifted mood at the moment. Therefore I don't feel like posting here. This site makes me feel miserable, but at the same time it's good to know I'm not alone.
I now work only 4 days a week. It is part of a deal I made with him. It's better I think.
I just continue making excuses for not seeing a therapist. It's so stupid.
I now work only 4 days a week. It is part of a deal I made with him. It's better I think.
I just continue making excuses for not seeing a therapist. It's so stupid.