BunInTheOven
08-01-2008, 09:40 AM
Every time I lay down, my daughter starts screaming. Really, what it is, in order for me to lay down, I have to put her in either her bassinett or her play pen and the moment, I lay her down in there, she starts screaming. I don't know what to do. She always falls asleep when I'm breastfeeding her, if I leave her on the boppy pillow there with me, she'll sleep for a couple of hours, but if I lay her down in her playpen, she's up within a couple of minutes. So even when I know that she's not hungry, she's not dirty, she's not cold or too hot . . . she still cries. Her father is always saying that I need to just put her in her bassinett and let her cry herself to sleep, but I feel so guilty doing that. Does anyone else do this? Am I a horrible person if I just allow her to cry? She finally just fell asleep after an hour and a half of crying and now, I'm too frustrated to sleep. Her father just got home though, so he can help me now. Thank God!! Any advice ladies?
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LauraLu
08-01-2008, 06:02 PM
How old is your daughter? Age is a big factor as far as crying it out. I would say that if she's under three months, then go to her and soothe her. We used to heat our daughter's crib sheets with a heating pad before laying her down. That way she still felt nice and "snuggled up." It worked like a charm. Also, swaddling is great.
I think if your daughter is over the three month mark then teething is always an option...it could just be from pain. You can try a little Tylenol after checking with your pediatrician. It could also be gas. Gripe water worked with our daughter.
Like I said earlier, it's really tough to give advice because I don't know how old your little girl is...
I think if your daughter is over the three month mark then teething is always an option...it could just be from pain. You can try a little Tylenol after checking with your pediatrician. It could also be gas. Gripe water worked with our daughter.
Like I said earlier, it's really tough to give advice because I don't know how old your little girl is...
BunInTheOven
08-01-2008, 07:37 PM
She's only 3 weeks old. If I go and soothe her every time, I'll NEVER get any sleep. Right now, I'm working on 2 hours of sleep and I'm ready to go jump out the window. Her dad left to run some errands without waking me, so of course, she wakes up screaming 2 hours later and now, she screams if I put her down to even go to the bathroom. I know she's not gassy or anything, because she's perfectly content if I'm holding her.
G8r4evr
08-01-2008, 08:21 PM
My daughter did the same thing for the first 2 months. It was exhausting, but she finally grew out of it. Hang in there!
timetoreclaim
08-01-2008, 09:03 PM
I would not let her sleep where you would rather she not and make a point of putting her to "bed" when she is sleepy. It might take osme time but her you aren't sleeping anyway and it sure is better to get it straightened out sooner than later.
Another piece of advice I want to give you is to NOT be careful to be extra quiet. Heck use some soothing music and let noise happen.
My kids slept through the night early, slept in bed, and didn't wake up at the drop of a hat. Now they are 19 and 15. They both sleep well and sound.
They just sort of get used to whatever you are doing so if you want her to get used to something else mix it up.
I breast fed the first month, had the crib in my room. Fed them and changed them when they woke and held them during that time and then put them back to bed in the crib to sleep. If they were upset or wouldn't sleep I'd keep them up and out till they were sleepy again and then back to bed.
LOL it wasn't always easy but in the long run it worked out bit by bit.
Another piece of advice I want to give you is to NOT be careful to be extra quiet. Heck use some soothing music and let noise happen.
My kids slept through the night early, slept in bed, and didn't wake up at the drop of a hat. Now they are 19 and 15. They both sleep well and sound.
They just sort of get used to whatever you are doing so if you want her to get used to something else mix it up.
I breast fed the first month, had the crib in my room. Fed them and changed them when they woke and held them during that time and then put them back to bed in the crib to sleep. If they were upset or wouldn't sleep I'd keep them up and out till they were sleepy again and then back to bed.
LOL it wasn't always easy but in the long run it worked out bit by bit.
sem627
08-02-2008, 02:25 AM
Three weeks is way too early to let her cry. I'm all for CIO, but not at that age. My babies liked sleeping in their carseat at that age. Have you tried that? It's much more snuggly than the bassinet or crib. They are also more comfortable being upright. I would swaddle her and then put in there. Worked great!!! My second daughter slept in there all the time the first few weeks.
Swaddling is a big one. When she falls asleep on you, hold her another 10 minutes to make sure she is in that deeper sleep and then put her in carseat very carefully.
Three weeks is too young to try to teach her to fall asleep on her own. I remember reading that for the first 8 weeks you should do what it takes to help them sleep. Respond to everything. They are learning to feel secure in knowing that you will come when they cry. After 8 weeks you can start putting her down very drowsy, but awake. A little fussing is okay, but still respond. I don't think full-blown crying it out is recommended until 5 to 6 months old. Not sure, but I do know three weeks is way too early.
Try the carseat...it did wonders for us. Also, I put my son to sleep on his belly on a blanket on the living room floor during the day. I didn't sleep though because I had two other children, but I was able to get a lot done that way because he slept for hours. I just kept an eye on him often.
Good Luck!
Swaddling is a big one. When she falls asleep on you, hold her another 10 minutes to make sure she is in that deeper sleep and then put her in carseat very carefully.
Three weeks is too young to try to teach her to fall asleep on her own. I remember reading that for the first 8 weeks you should do what it takes to help them sleep. Respond to everything. They are learning to feel secure in knowing that you will come when they cry. After 8 weeks you can start putting her down very drowsy, but awake. A little fussing is okay, but still respond. I don't think full-blown crying it out is recommended until 5 to 6 months old. Not sure, but I do know three weeks is way too early.
Try the carseat...it did wonders for us. Also, I put my son to sleep on his belly on a blanket on the living room floor during the day. I didn't sleep though because I had two other children, but I was able to get a lot done that way because he slept for hours. I just kept an eye on him often.
Good Luck!
rouge
08-02-2008, 09:44 AM
I agree with SEM627 3 weeks is way to early to let them cry. Your baby will just feel abandoned and not understand why she is left there. She wants to be by you all the time.
My babies never went into a crib for the first few weeks. I had a bassinet by my bed, and a cuddly bouncy type seat (like a papasan) in the living room. My babies just slept in the living room all day. For naps I would just sleep next to them on the couch. My baby in a seat and me right there on the couch. You may only get 15 minutes of sleep here and there. I also think you should try the carseat for sleeping. We have done that too. Have your husband let you take naps as much as possible. Have a friend come over to let you nap. Anything at this age to get sleep.
Sleep deprivation is the hardest part of having a newborn. No one tells you how hard it truly is. Hang in there.
My babies never went into a crib for the first few weeks. I had a bassinet by my bed, and a cuddly bouncy type seat (like a papasan) in the living room. My babies just slept in the living room all day. For naps I would just sleep next to them on the couch. My baby in a seat and me right there on the couch. You may only get 15 minutes of sleep here and there. I also think you should try the carseat for sleeping. We have done that too. Have your husband let you take naps as much as possible. Have a friend come over to let you nap. Anything at this age to get sleep.
Sleep deprivation is the hardest part of having a newborn. No one tells you how hard it truly is. Hang in there.
DraevenBaby
08-02-2008, 06:01 PM
Dont worry- I let my 3 week old cry sometimes too. I try not to do it for more than half an hour at a time. It does make me feel guilty but sometimes I'm just too strung out to comfort him if he's not hungry. What works for Draeven is.. car rides, loud soothing music, his swing, being bounced around in my arms, being blowdryed after having his diaper changed (sometimes he falls asleep!). I hope that helps hun!! I'm right there with you! When was yours born?
Sillygirl554
08-03-2008, 01:19 AM
I understand how frustrating it can be when a baby won't sleep. BUt I agree with the other posters, 3 weeks is WAY to early to let her cry it out. Try playing some music, or putting her in a swing, we had a bouncy seat that vibratored that our daughter loved maybe you can try that. Try to have maybe yours or your husbands parents come over to watch the baby while you get some shut eye, the more tired you are the more frustrated you get and your baby senses that. Try to stay calm and it will all work out, this time will past
BunInTheOven
08-03-2008, 03:38 AM
She hates the carseat, she hates the bassinett, she hates the play yard, she hates the swing, she hates the bouncy vibraty seat. (also the bassinett, and play yard vibrate also--all also have music and I have a womb bear--NOTHING WORKS) She wants to be held 24/7 . . . I am a normal human being who also needs sleep. If I pick her up every time she cries . . well, I'm not RoboMom . . it's just not possible. If I follow what you are all suggesting . . . I will never sleep. I can't function on no sleep . . . 2 hours here and there would suit me just fine . . . but I can't even get that and I refuse to put her in my bed with me, it's just too dangerous and I won't sleep while holding her, because that scares me too. She can be super tired, but she'll wake up the moment I put her down. I soothe her all night, but by about 6:30 in the morning, well exhaustion starts to set in and I just can't stay awake any longer. She sleep for hours if I'm holding her, in the play yard . . no more than 20 minutes and that's a stretch.
LauraLu
08-03-2008, 11:32 AM
It really sounds like you need to call in some help. Do you have family near by...sister, mom, mother in law, neighbors...anyone you trust? If not, I would highly suggest sitting down with your husband and talking to him about your needs. A new baby can really put a LOT of stress on parents. No one really knows until they have one. This time last year I was going through the exact same thing as you. I understand. It sucks to put things mildly. Let me just shed some light for you...it doesn't stay this way forever. Promise.
Do whatever you can to survive for now. Take care of yourself and keep your body healthy. Take a shower when you're able. You'll feel better. If you must let your baby cry because you're too stressed out - do it. Sometimes, I had to just swaddle my daughter up, put her in her crib, close the door and take 5 minutes so I wouldn't lose my mind. A little crying sometimes is what I needed. Sometimes I cried as much as she did!
Whatever you do, please try to call in some help if you are able. Best of luck. I'm thinking of you!
Do whatever you can to survive for now. Take care of yourself and keep your body healthy. Take a shower when you're able. You'll feel better. If you must let your baby cry because you're too stressed out - do it. Sometimes, I had to just swaddle my daughter up, put her in her crib, close the door and take 5 minutes so I wouldn't lose my mind. A little crying sometimes is what I needed. Sometimes I cried as much as she did!
Whatever you do, please try to call in some help if you are able. Best of luck. I'm thinking of you!
Tiff24
08-04-2008, 06:16 PM
I know you said you don't think she has gas, but it could be that it just doesn't bother her until she's laying flat. You could always try some Mylicon just in case.
My son had a really hard time sleeping on his back before he could roll. It certainly isn't very comfortable. You might try a sleep postioner so that you can lay her on her side. You can buy them pretty cheap at Wal-mart. They are very snug and secure. Your baby might just think that you are still holding her. :) The sleep positioner worked awesome for my son.
My son had a really hard time sleeping on his back before he could roll. It certainly isn't very comfortable. You might try a sleep postioner so that you can lay her on her side. You can buy them pretty cheap at Wal-mart. They are very snug and secure. Your baby might just think that you are still holding her. :) The sleep positioner worked awesome for my son.
baylor_girl
08-04-2008, 11:48 PM
Our daughter was the exact same way and what saved us was swaddling and then putting her in the swing after she was swaddled. I know some people would say it wasn't safe because the strap can't go between their legs but she was still so small that we put her little legs through one of the leg holes and pulled the strap very tight. It worked like magic and she actually slept like that from about 2 weeks old until she was 3 months old. They actually sell swaddle blankets that are made to use with a car seat that work like a charm too.
Just know that everyone on here is thinking about you because we remember exactly what you are feeling:) Good luck! I know it seems hopeless but everyday will get a little better!
Just know that everyone on here is thinking about you because we remember exactly what you are feeling:) Good luck! I know it seems hopeless but everyday will get a little better!
Ol'Line Rebel
08-05-2008, 10:44 PM
I have similar problems, and mine is almost 5 months - plus he just doesn't like to sleep long at all! (See thread nearby)
Just to let you know we're all pretty much in the same boat. And don't feel badly about the "CIO" - it's more painful for us probably than they. We don't like the sound! LOL Sometimes there's just not much you can do.
Although, I would say, she's very young, so largely just do what you can to quiet her for now. At the same time, try not to let her associate breast-feeding with sleeping too much - that's how I got where I am, essentially! George'd fall asleep on the breast, too, and it seemed I couldn't stop it! Maybe try stopping feeding after 5 min and re-waking her?
Good luck!
Just to let you know we're all pretty much in the same boat. And don't feel badly about the "CIO" - it's more painful for us probably than they. We don't like the sound! LOL Sometimes there's just not much you can do.
Although, I would say, she's very young, so largely just do what you can to quiet her for now. At the same time, try not to let her associate breast-feeding with sleeping too much - that's how I got where I am, essentially! George'd fall asleep on the breast, too, and it seemed I couldn't stop it! Maybe try stopping feeding after 5 min and re-waking her?
Good luck!
simplyheather
08-06-2008, 05:49 PM
I always slept on the couch with my son on my chest, I am a very light sleeper so I wasn't too worried. And I loved it. But there were times that he would just scream, and if I got too frustrated I would put him in his bed and shut the door for a little while. When she's crying, its not hurting her. I know its hard to listen to, but sometimes they just need a little bit of it. And I also suggest calling in some reinforcements. Someone who can hold him while he sleeps so you can get a little shut eye! Everyone loves holding babies!!
And me and my SO did a "every other night" thing with our son. We took turns every night getting up with the baby so the other could get some sleep, its not fair to you that you be the only one, I understand if you're breastfeeding, but, he could always get the baby for you, you can nurse, then he could take the baby and put her back to sleep or something like that.
He helped make her, he can help take care of her... That's how I felt with my SO and our son!!
And me and my SO did a "every other night" thing with our son. We took turns every night getting up with the baby so the other could get some sleep, its not fair to you that you be the only one, I understand if you're breastfeeding, but, he could always get the baby for you, you can nurse, then he could take the baby and put her back to sleep or something like that.
He helped make her, he can help take care of her... That's how I felt with my SO and our son!!
just4sc
08-08-2008, 10:13 PM
My dd had the same problem when she was at that age. I basically held her for the first two months. What was worst was that she won't even let me sit and she won't let me swaddle her (must run in the family since my older daughter was the same way :eek:). She somehow could sense that I was about to sit and would start crying again. This went on for weeks and I was finally able to sit while she slept. We weren't able to lay her on a bed at night until she was about four months old. She was ok with sleeping on the couch during the day but will not tolerate the playpen nor crib. Now at 18 months she's doing pretty good...she still wants me to hold her sometimes - but not often. Of course now we have other issues....presently she hasn't pooped in two days and my wife's worried....which starts me worrying too....but that's another for another thread (which is why I'm here).
So just hang in there and trust your gut.
PS - just got a call from my wife...dd just pooped...whew!
So just hang in there and trust your gut.
PS - just got a call from my wife...dd just pooped...whew!
marisuela
08-10-2008, 12:30 PM
my baby is almost 2 weeks old and was starting to do the same thing, until i realized that what wakes her up is the quiet. she has two older sisters who are very loud and i usually have the tv on, so when i tried putting my baby in her crib in a quiet room, she'd wake up right away and start screaming. like you, i thought it was just that she wanted to be held, but then i realized that she doesn't care if anyone is holding her, as long as she thinks people are around. so she sleeps with the tv on, and she sleeps LONG! might be worth a shot???
BunInTheOven
08-10-2008, 02:37 PM
I would love to do the "every other night" thing, but my SO works nights, so I'm on my own, every diaper, every feeding, EVERYTHING!! And the noise factor makes absolutely no difference! Right now, I've been up since 7am, however, I went to bed at 5am . . that's all that she has allowed me to sleep, as I type, she's laying in my lap. I'm exhausted, I'm having company at 5 . . . so I guess this is it . . . no sleep for today. I'm anemic, which I imagine makes this even harder on my body, but what choice do I have? Also what drives me crazy is, she cries to be held and then fidgets the whole time . . . oh and someone said something about maybe its gas that bothers her when she's lying flat---well she lies flat happily . . . . if its on the boppy in my lap . . . she's impossible. I can't wait til this phase is over, because i'm so run down . . . hell getting a shower these days is crazy . . . I have to do it so fast, I only wash my hair like twice a week if I'm lucky. I just put her in the bassinett . . I give 30 seconds :(
bec1008
08-11-2008, 05:09 AM
BunInTheOven: I know EXACTLY how you are feeling, i went through absolute hell with my ds. From the time he came home from the hospital, i was in for it... I didn't have a full nights sleep for over 8 weeks.. I was massively sleep deprived and got really frustrated constantly being there for him every time he cried ikt was like he couldn't let me go.. He fed every 2 hours and it got to a point where my doctor said that if i didn't get any rest it could cause some serious psychological problems for me. At the time i was single and doing it alone every day, it got to the point that through the day he got so demanding i had to put him down in his cot and just let him cry while i took time out to breathe and relax a little. Its okay to do that.. Showering and going to the toilet was really bad, but in the end i just put him down in the cot and let him cry as i went to the toilet, i got someone like my mother or my sister to come by and watch him for an hour or so while i had a shower. In the end i bought a colic relief formula which my doctor recommended (all natural so no chemicals) and bought some thickener to place in his feeds to fill his belly.. I gave him smaller feeds throughout the day and a big bottle before he went to bed at night. I found he started to sleep better and started to lengthen his sleeping habits.
He's now just on 3 months old and i have gotten him into a routine doing the same things, small bottles throughout the day, have a play with him for a little while then put him down in his cot to have a cry to fall asleep (they say that babies should not be awake any longer than 1 hour and 15 minutes after a sleep, because they become overtired) She may be too young to notice any tired signs but if she falls asleep after a feed, place her straight into the cot and make "shh" noises to help her relax and know you are there then walk away, if she cries, let her be, she will soon learn to settle back to sleep herself, then check on her after 5 minutes and give her a little kiss or touch to let her know you're there.Maybe keeping her up for an hour or so just talking to her and playing with her, watching her expressions and if she shows any signs of being tired, put her straight into her cot to sleep.
I can relate very well to how you are feeling, it was very frustrating, at any time, you can ask for help, i know i had to and in the end it was a nice relief. She will get out of this phase and it will happen .. Just try and stay positive and whenever she naps, you nap.. Nothing else matters but your health .. Dishes and washing can always wait. Trust me it will be the best thing for you.
I really hope it works out for you and things will get better.. I know from experiance.
He's now just on 3 months old and i have gotten him into a routine doing the same things, small bottles throughout the day, have a play with him for a little while then put him down in his cot to have a cry to fall asleep (they say that babies should not be awake any longer than 1 hour and 15 minutes after a sleep, because they become overtired) She may be too young to notice any tired signs but if she falls asleep after a feed, place her straight into the cot and make "shh" noises to help her relax and know you are there then walk away, if she cries, let her be, she will soon learn to settle back to sleep herself, then check on her after 5 minutes and give her a little kiss or touch to let her know you're there.Maybe keeping her up for an hour or so just talking to her and playing with her, watching her expressions and if she shows any signs of being tired, put her straight into her cot to sleep.
I can relate very well to how you are feeling, it was very frustrating, at any time, you can ask for help, i know i had to and in the end it was a nice relief. She will get out of this phase and it will happen .. Just try and stay positive and whenever she naps, you nap.. Nothing else matters but your health .. Dishes and washing can always wait. Trust me it will be the best thing for you.
I really hope it works out for you and things will get better.. I know from experiance.
just4sc
08-11-2008, 05:18 AM
I would love to do the "every other night" thing, but my SO works nights, so I'm on my own, every diaper, every feeding, EVERYTHING!! And the noise factor makes absolutely no difference! Right now, I've been up since 7am, however, I went to bed at 5am . . that's all that she has allowed me to sleep, as I type, she's laying in my lap. I'm exhausted, I'm having company at 5 . . . so I guess this is it . . . no sleep for today. I'm anemic, which I imagine makes this even harder on my body, but what choice do I have? Also what drives me crazy is, she cries to be held and then fidgets the whole time . . . oh and someone said something about maybe its gas that bothers her when she's lying flat---well she lies flat happily . . . . if its on the boppy in my lap . . . she's impossible. I can't wait til this phase is over, because i'm so run down . . . hell getting a shower these days is crazy . . . I have to do it so fast, I only wash my hair like twice a week if I'm lucky. I just put her in the bassinett . . I give 30 seconds :(
I empathize with you. I guess I didn't have it as bad since I got to go to work during the day so I was away from her....but during the nights it was pretty much just me....walking around the house and trying to sleep while standing (don't try that...not good...almost fell...funny thinking back now but at the time.....). I didn't get too much sleep either...the worst night was when I only got an hour sleep - two half hour "naps". Most nights was about two or two and a half hours total. I was so relieved when she let me sit....then finally after a few weeks she started sleeping on the bed for a few hours...that was a relieve. She's my second daughter so it's not like I was a new dad....but she sure was different...pretty much night and day between her and her sister...
Anyways, I digress...one thing that worked pretty well for us was getting her to sleep with a blanket between her and our arms...when she falls into deep sleep try putting her down with the blanket. Make sure the blanket doesn't slip. That worked for a couple of hours at a time for us....hopefully it'll work for you too....
Good luck.
I empathize with you. I guess I didn't have it as bad since I got to go to work during the day so I was away from her....but during the nights it was pretty much just me....walking around the house and trying to sleep while standing (don't try that...not good...almost fell...funny thinking back now but at the time.....). I didn't get too much sleep either...the worst night was when I only got an hour sleep - two half hour "naps". Most nights was about two or two and a half hours total. I was so relieved when she let me sit....then finally after a few weeks she started sleeping on the bed for a few hours...that was a relieve. She's my second daughter so it's not like I was a new dad....but she sure was different...pretty much night and day between her and her sister...
Anyways, I digress...one thing that worked pretty well for us was getting her to sleep with a blanket between her and our arms...when she falls into deep sleep try putting her down with the blanket. Make sure the blanket doesn't slip. That worked for a couple of hours at a time for us....hopefully it'll work for you too....
Good luck.