Unfortunately, you can not convince someone if they don't want to face the fear. Most of the fear comes from not knowing enough about it. There is a risk of contracting herpes yes. But you could also get on the highway and get hit by a drunk driver. It's how you manage that risk or herpes risk that counts. Knowledge is one way to protect yourself. Meds are another. Are you on suprressive meds to reduce the risk lower? Condoms with suppressive meds and not having sex when you feel any kind of an outbreak reduces the risk of transmission.
Has he ever been tested himself? It could be that he has it and just never recognized it as such. In that case, if you both have it, there really is not a problem then is there?

As for finding people who have herpes - you just did. We are here, we are here, we are here! (Apologies to Horton Hears a Who.) If you mean for intimate relationships, there are herpes dating sites out there. Also check for support groups in your area. Sometimes listed in the phone book.