april1848
08-28-2008, 06:05 PM
Hello Friends,
I just need to vent I guess. It's hard accepting limitations! I just hit my three month anniversary at the new job that I love, and I was asked yesterday to join the Quality Assurance committee, which I accepted. I've also been campaigning for two issues--one for a candidate for president; the other is a Political Action Committee that is supporting a levy countywide. I thought I could handle all of this until Election Day, but this week I just gave out.
So I decided to quit campaigning for the president, and I just called Headquarters to let them know. I feel very bad about it, since I've always participated in these things, and I enjoyed it. My reasoning was that I feel more needed in the local issue I'm working on, and that I could do more good there. I feel so guilty!
My schedule for the most part anyway the past few weeks was wake up at 5:30, get ready for work, work until 4:30, then go to work at one of the campaigns until 7 or 8. I'd come home, eat, clean, do laundry, see my husband for a half hour when he got home and passed out. There were a few days where I took time off or shortened my campaign time, but not enough. I can't do it anymore.
I was able to do all this at the last presidential election. Not this time around. I was coming to work absolutely exhausted, to the point where I felt I wasn't doing my best. I was shocked when I was asked to join a committee.
I've had MS for almost a year and I'm finding that one of the hardest parts is realizing you can't do everything. Does this disease target Type A people or what? I feel sad, guilty, and regretful. How do you guys deal with your limitations? How do you accept it?
I just need to vent I guess. It's hard accepting limitations! I just hit my three month anniversary at the new job that I love, and I was asked yesterday to join the Quality Assurance committee, which I accepted. I've also been campaigning for two issues--one for a candidate for president; the other is a Political Action Committee that is supporting a levy countywide. I thought I could handle all of this until Election Day, but this week I just gave out.
So I decided to quit campaigning for the president, and I just called Headquarters to let them know. I feel very bad about it, since I've always participated in these things, and I enjoyed it. My reasoning was that I feel more needed in the local issue I'm working on, and that I could do more good there. I feel so guilty!
My schedule for the most part anyway the past few weeks was wake up at 5:30, get ready for work, work until 4:30, then go to work at one of the campaigns until 7 or 8. I'd come home, eat, clean, do laundry, see my husband for a half hour when he got home and passed out. There were a few days where I took time off or shortened my campaign time, but not enough. I can't do it anymore.
I was able to do all this at the last presidential election. Not this time around. I was coming to work absolutely exhausted, to the point where I felt I wasn't doing my best. I was shocked when I was asked to join a committee.
I've had MS for almost a year and I'm finding that one of the hardest parts is realizing you can't do everything. Does this disease target Type A people or what? I feel sad, guilty, and regretful. How do you guys deal with your limitations? How do you accept it?
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MSJayhawk
08-28-2008, 07:23 PM
Limitations? We don't need no stinking limitations! :)
Do I have limitations? Yes I do. I have my daily work that needs to get done, but anything "above and beyond" my daily necessary work plays second or third fiddle. I know that if I try to do everything, I will only harm myself and then I am no good to anybody.
I take my limitations in stride. If I accept my limitations, then life is pure joy. There is much less stress when you conserve your work output. You might be able to assist a campaign 2-3 hours total a week. Give yourself mandatory cut-off times. If you can not do the extra stuff, no sweat----HAKUNA MATATA-----No Worries-----Mai Pen Rai----Shinpai Shinaide! (The last two are Thai and Japanese for "No Worries")
Do I have limitations? Yes I do. I have my daily work that needs to get done, but anything "above and beyond" my daily necessary work plays second or third fiddle. I know that if I try to do everything, I will only harm myself and then I am no good to anybody.
I take my limitations in stride. If I accept my limitations, then life is pure joy. There is much less stress when you conserve your work output. You might be able to assist a campaign 2-3 hours total a week. Give yourself mandatory cut-off times. If you can not do the extra stuff, no sweat----HAKUNA MATATA-----No Worries-----Mai Pen Rai----Shinpai Shinaide! (The last two are Thai and Japanese for "No Worries")
Nenu
08-28-2008, 08:21 PM
I've had MS for almost a year and I'm finding that one of the hardest parts is realizing you can't do everything. Does this disease target Type A people or what? I feel sad, guilty, and regretful. How do you guys deal with your limitations? How do you accept it?
I'm sorry you feel this way April. You're an amazing, dedicated woman. I can see why saying 'no' makes it feel like you've 'surrendered' in a sense to MS.
Don't look at it that way hun. Honestly :) People without MS say 'no' every day. I'm sure they don't think any less of you, nor should you think any less of yourself. Look how far you've come in such a short amount of time!
I'm sorry you feel this way April. You're an amazing, dedicated woman. I can see why saying 'no' makes it feel like you've 'surrendered' in a sense to MS.
Don't look at it that way hun. Honestly :) People without MS say 'no' every day. I'm sure they don't think any less of you, nor should you think any less of yourself. Look how far you've come in such a short amount of time!
msgeorge
08-28-2008, 09:22 PM
April, yes anything that impactsour live negatively is hard to deal with. MS is just one of many things that can impact our "output". BUT, and this was difficult for me. you have to take care of the critical things first. For me, work is critical, it pays the bills, insurance, feeds my family, etc. Of the physical things that tax me, that is #1. My family is 1st in my non-work related things. But they are more understanding and less physically taxing. So I guess I made lists and put things in boxes and deal with the most important things. Those not on the top of the list have to take second or lower.
I guess each of us deal differently and a lot depends on who knows and understands what. I have been very fortunate and appreciate the support I get.
Set goals and alot time you can do. Not nececesarily what is demanded or perceived.
Limitations stink but they can usually be worked around. Not much help probably but you CAN do it. Just in smaller pieces at a time that fit in YOUR schedule! Go get em and do NOT give up. And definitely do not get mad at you!
I guess each of us deal differently and a lot depends on who knows and understands what. I have been very fortunate and appreciate the support I get.
Set goals and alot time you can do. Not nececesarily what is demanded or perceived.
Limitations stink but they can usually be worked around. Not much help probably but you CAN do it. Just in smaller pieces at a time that fit in YOUR schedule! Go get em and do NOT give up. And definitely do not get mad at you!
MSNik
08-28-2008, 09:56 PM
HI April...I hope by now you are feeling better. I know everyone has said what they said, but Im reading you post alittle differently pal. You didnt give up anything, you swapped a cause closer to your heart, as far as "feeling more needed in the local issue" for campaigning for the president. So? If you had to do two different things every M-W-F at 5 pm and had to make a choice between which one you wanted to do, because you cant be in two places at the same time, would it be sacraficing one over the other? Or would it be a necessary choice you had to make? Think of it that way. There are only 24 hours in a 7 day week...
Does that make any sense...you didnt quit- you made a choice...and you didnt make it because you disliked one over the other, you made a healthy adult educated decision on which one you felt more needed....GOOD FOR YOU.
learning to say NO is hard for healthy people who dont deal with fatigue, shots and overall MS yuckiness....
Give yourself a hand girl- you are amazing! You do more then the average person does in a year, each week. Chin up! Be proud. And know that we are always amazed by all you do!
Hugs
Nikki
Does that make any sense...you didnt quit- you made a choice...and you didnt make it because you disliked one over the other, you made a healthy adult educated decision on which one you felt more needed....GOOD FOR YOU.
learning to say NO is hard for healthy people who dont deal with fatigue, shots and overall MS yuckiness....
Give yourself a hand girl- you are amazing! You do more then the average person does in a year, each week. Chin up! Be proud. And know that we are always amazed by all you do!
Hugs
Nikki
Bearygood
08-29-2008, 12:07 AM
I agree with Nikki, April. When I read your post I immediately thought of the "one in, one out" rule that parents sometimes implement when kids get new toys!
Don't be so hard on yourself and enjoy every minute of the things you CHOOSE to do! :)
Don't be so hard on yourself and enjoy every minute of the things you CHOOSE to do! :)
Kris44
08-29-2008, 12:01 PM
I know how you feel April. I've been going through the same thing myself this week. I have been in the military and emergency management my whole adult life and this is the first time (gustov) that I have to sit back and watch all my coworkers deploy out without me. I keep thinking I feel ok why not just go? But I realize I must be prudent and content with giving advice by the sideline. Perhaps since you have done this job before you could mentor and help out whomever takes your place?
Tasia W
08-29-2008, 12:44 PM
Hi April,
Yes you chose to give something up and by doing that you gained something too. You are a wise woman and you become wiser everyday that you live with MS. Good for you that you are listening to your body and taking care of its needs.
I empathize with your situation completely April and can only imagine how you are feeling at this time. My guess is that you are feeling that apart of who you has been taken away. It hasn't though, you are still the same April with the same ambitions, work ethics and values. The only difference is you are allowing yourself to be human and you value yourself enough to know when enough is enough. Like Nikki says, be proud! You are an inspiration to others here!
Many hugs to you
Tasia
Yes you chose to give something up and by doing that you gained something too. You are a wise woman and you become wiser everyday that you live with MS. Good for you that you are listening to your body and taking care of its needs.
I empathize with your situation completely April and can only imagine how you are feeling at this time. My guess is that you are feeling that apart of who you has been taken away. It hasn't though, you are still the same April with the same ambitions, work ethics and values. The only difference is you are allowing yourself to be human and you value yourself enough to know when enough is enough. Like Nikki says, be proud! You are an inspiration to others here!
Many hugs to you
Tasia
glamour girl
08-29-2008, 09:17 PM
Hi April,
You are so amazing. you work yr butt off with every breath you take and give it yr all. I know you love your job. For you to take a step back by listening to your body BEFORE you burn takes alot of guts. For me i wait till i crash which is just silly. Because then it takes alot longer to recover.
I hope your feeling better today.
You are so amazing. you work yr butt off with every breath you take and give it yr all. I know you love your job. For you to take a step back by listening to your body BEFORE you burn takes alot of guts. For me i wait till i crash which is just silly. Because then it takes alot longer to recover.
I hope your feeling better today.
april1848
08-30-2008, 01:36 PM
Thank you all for your wonderful replies. You are all right, and I'm choosing to look at this as knowing what my priorities are rather than thinking that I'm a different, weaker person. Sorry in advance for the length.
It is Labor Day weekend and I can't tell you how grateful I am! I have not taken a day off at my new job yet, and I'm looking forward to the extra rest. I'm not stuffing envelopes or making any phone calls or going door to door either.
My buddy who runs the Headquarters for the presidential election I was working for called me yesterday. He's the guy I told I couldn't work for this election anymore. Yesterday he called and asked if I would just write a press release for our local paper for them. He said I can still be involved if I want, without spending hours at the head quarters. I could do it from home. I said yes, only because writing a press release is easy, and I can do it sitting on my couch in my pajamas. So I'm feeling less guilty about this.
Plus, now I can concentrate more on the PAC I belong to, which needs me much more.
I think I quit in the nick of time. I have that physical and mental exhaustion that you all understand--you know how it feels like you got hit by a truck? And I'm having a new symptom; every time I take a step, I get shooting electrical pains going from the sole of my foot up to my thighs. And my itching has returned. So this weekend I'm going to get as much rest as possible; I made zero plans. I am extremely happy at my job, and I want to focus all my energy into that.
Also, my husband thinks I'm crazy for doing all this work for no pay. As far as the PAC I work for goes, he doesn't understand why I take it so seriously, why I had to pick this cause. He told me when I started working for the presidential election that I wouldn't be able to handle all of it physically, and I really wanted to prove him wrong!!! He didn't say "I told you so" when I quit but it still pains me that he was right. He has been whining the past few weeks about the political paraphenilia all over the house, and quite frankly, he's making me nuts. He doesn't seem to get any of this. I love him, and I even love him for the picture of the Queen Mother in the living room, but he doesn't understand. It was and is a great experience to be around others who found these things extremely important.
Thank you guys for your encouragement and validation, and have a great long weekend!
It is Labor Day weekend and I can't tell you how grateful I am! I have not taken a day off at my new job yet, and I'm looking forward to the extra rest. I'm not stuffing envelopes or making any phone calls or going door to door either.
My buddy who runs the Headquarters for the presidential election I was working for called me yesterday. He's the guy I told I couldn't work for this election anymore. Yesterday he called and asked if I would just write a press release for our local paper for them. He said I can still be involved if I want, without spending hours at the head quarters. I could do it from home. I said yes, only because writing a press release is easy, and I can do it sitting on my couch in my pajamas. So I'm feeling less guilty about this.
Plus, now I can concentrate more on the PAC I belong to, which needs me much more.
I think I quit in the nick of time. I have that physical and mental exhaustion that you all understand--you know how it feels like you got hit by a truck? And I'm having a new symptom; every time I take a step, I get shooting electrical pains going from the sole of my foot up to my thighs. And my itching has returned. So this weekend I'm going to get as much rest as possible; I made zero plans. I am extremely happy at my job, and I want to focus all my energy into that.
Also, my husband thinks I'm crazy for doing all this work for no pay. As far as the PAC I work for goes, he doesn't understand why I take it so seriously, why I had to pick this cause. He told me when I started working for the presidential election that I wouldn't be able to handle all of it physically, and I really wanted to prove him wrong!!! He didn't say "I told you so" when I quit but it still pains me that he was right. He has been whining the past few weeks about the political paraphenilia all over the house, and quite frankly, he's making me nuts. He doesn't seem to get any of this. I love him, and I even love him for the picture of the Queen Mother in the living room, but he doesn't understand. It was and is a great experience to be around others who found these things extremely important.
Thank you guys for your encouragement and validation, and have a great long weekend!
Nenu
08-30-2008, 04:49 PM
every time I take a step, I get shooting electrical pains going from the sole of my foot up to my thighs.
If it's a new symptom that persists, you know what to do :)
In the meantime, have you been able to pick up any AM or FM radio with that? :p
Enjoy your long weekend April! :)
If it's a new symptom that persists, you know what to do :)
In the meantime, have you been able to pick up any AM or FM radio with that? :p
Enjoy your long weekend April! :)