poppy7
09-02-2008, 10:20 PM
I'm just after some advice regarding relationship issues, in particular a new relationship... Early days yet but I'm just wondering if anyone can help me decide when, if at all, I should mention to the new guy I've recently started seeing (2nd date was tonight !) that I have fibro and then, what amount of detail I should go into? My last partner had issues with me having fibro, and it was ultimately down to the way that he reacted that I broke off our engagement and I'm in 2 minds now as to whether I should be up front with this guy about it- kind of warn him in advance, or whether to just leave it and only mention it when necessary. My mum has the attitude that he should take me as he finds me and that fibro shouldn't make any difference (typical mum thing?) but then as she admits she wouldn't know what to do if she were in my situation.
I know that a lot of members on here are females but if any guys read this, I'd love to find out what your opinions are as well :)
Poppy :)
I know that a lot of members on here are females but if any guys read this, I'd love to find out what your opinions are as well :)
Poppy :)
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fibrohurts
09-03-2008, 03:13 PM
It's only the second date. I don't think you should have to disclose any personal medicals issues with him just yet. Personally, i'd wait until things got more serious.
The only time i'd tell him early, is if he wants to go and do something you are physically unable to do or you have to cancel a date due to pain.
The only time i'd tell him early, is if he wants to go and do something you are physically unable to do or you have to cancel a date due to pain.
AnnD
09-03-2008, 03:25 PM
Why would you mention it at all to anyone outside of maybe very close family like mum? I have it but it never occurred to me that it was anyone's business and even in pain you work your way through it. It isn't their burden to carry plus I don't want to use it as an excuse not to do something since it is a lifetime thing I would rather be working through it. I guess it just depends...if you were to marry this guy then you would mention it but just dating I don't think so.
saxlady
09-03-2008, 07:03 PM
I would think it wouldn't take too long for him to notice. I wouldn't be able to hide it for too long and other than that, I would wait a little bit. You will know when the time is right or as I said before , he is going to notice before long and then the time will be right. Just don't lie to him if he asks about your health. If that "she"s the one" bug hits him, it won't matter anyway.
poppy7
09-03-2008, 10:20 PM
I guess in a way I'm wondering whether to tell him due to how my previous relationship worked out- well didn't ! I'm not after a "crutch" or support, I guess I'd like him to know so that it would avoid having to explain things without it sounding like an excuse. We all know how annoying it is when you have to cancel outings or leave early due to pain or other reasons and I suppose that I'd rather he knew why, rather than assume it's because I don't want to be out or have him think that I'm avoiding him.
bluelakelady
09-04-2008, 10:48 AM
hi poppy,
it is always best to be honest from the start. tell him you have health issues. he will ask, if he is interested, the questions about what and how it affects you.
my last dip in the pond of men i took all my pill bottles out and said this is an aspect of my life, can you handle that? in the end, after some real fun times, he could not and said so. we are still very close friends. i told him from the beginning to just tell me if it got to be more than he could cope with and i would set him free.
i won't say it did not hurt. it did. we always hope for a person who is strong and compassionate. they do exist. yet there is only one way to find them. take the chance.
will i do it again someday? perhaps.
enjoy your date. i understand your hesitation. i too went thru the horrors of a man who was cruel in his lack of compassion. that's why i shoved it in the last ones face. we had been friends for about a year when we chose to take the intimate step. it was not good for our friendship and we had agreed to put it first. so we did. he still stops by the pharmacy for me if i need anything. still worries that i don't eat enough.
for me, at this time, friends are enough.
peace,
blue
it is always best to be honest from the start. tell him you have health issues. he will ask, if he is interested, the questions about what and how it affects you.
my last dip in the pond of men i took all my pill bottles out and said this is an aspect of my life, can you handle that? in the end, after some real fun times, he could not and said so. we are still very close friends. i told him from the beginning to just tell me if it got to be more than he could cope with and i would set him free.
i won't say it did not hurt. it did. we always hope for a person who is strong and compassionate. they do exist. yet there is only one way to find them. take the chance.
will i do it again someday? perhaps.
enjoy your date. i understand your hesitation. i too went thru the horrors of a man who was cruel in his lack of compassion. that's why i shoved it in the last ones face. we had been friends for about a year when we chose to take the intimate step. it was not good for our friendship and we had agreed to put it first. so we did. he still stops by the pharmacy for me if i need anything. still worries that i don't eat enough.
for me, at this time, friends are enough.
peace,
blue
poppy7
09-05-2008, 10:18 PM
Thanks for your replies. I have to admit that I ended up telling him the other evening....as you said saxlady it's not easy hiding it from some people- the fact that my 90 year old neighbour beat me walking down the street kind of gave things away a little ! I loved what you said blue about shaking your pills at em, so decided to do a lil pill shaking myself. His reaction shocked me. He actually sat and listened to what I was telling him, then went online to find out as much information about fibro as he could. To say I was speechless is an understatement !
I said that I wanted him to know as I didn't think it fair for me to keep it from him after what he'd said to me the night before- was very open about his past, his health issues and a few other things so it seemed like the right time. Needless to say we were both up til 4 in the morning talking about stuff- yes things are going great. So now all I can do I suppose is hope things work out ! I'd say fingers crossed but the way I'm feeling tonight.... I'll just waggle my toes instead :D
A very happy Poppy :D
I said that I wanted him to know as I didn't think it fair for me to keep it from him after what he'd said to me the night before- was very open about his past, his health issues and a few other things so it seemed like the right time. Needless to say we were both up til 4 in the morning talking about stuff- yes things are going great. So now all I can do I suppose is hope things work out ! I'd say fingers crossed but the way I'm feeling tonight.... I'll just waggle my toes instead :D
A very happy Poppy :D
healthseeker
09-05-2008, 11:39 PM
Ahhh Poppy...good for you!
bluelakelady
09-06-2008, 10:33 AM
i am proud of you poppy. in matters of the heart truth is the foundation. i am also very happy for you that he is listening. may it always be so.
peace,
blue
peace,
blue
poppy7
09-07-2008, 12:38 AM
awww thanks blue and health seeker (hugs) things going really well apart from needing a whole new wardrobe - too many dates lined up and so little shopping time :D
Poppy x
Poppy x
bluelakelady
09-07-2008, 10:54 AM
go have fun. men who atually take us out on dates are rare, so go shopping girl. get out there. i am happy for you. deeply happy. tell him blue said she is watching him.
peace,
blue
peace,
blue
lynn41
09-07-2008, 11:06 AM
Thanks for your replies. I have to admit that I ended up telling him the other evening....as you said saxlady it's not easy hiding it from some people- the fact that my 90 year old neighbour beat me walking down the street kind of gave things away a little ! I loved what you said blue about shaking your pills at em, so decided to do a lil pill shaking myself. His reaction shocked me. He actually sat and listened to what I was telling him, then went online to find out as much information about fibro as he could. To say I was speechless is an understatement !
I said that I wanted him to know as I didn't think it fair for me to keep it from him after what he'd said to me the night before- was very open about his past, his health issues and a few other things so it seemed like the right time. Needless to say we were both up til 4 in the morning talking about stuff- yes things are going great. So now all I can do I suppose is hope things work out ! I'd say fingers crossed but the way I'm feeling tonight.... I'll just waggle my toes instead :D
A very happy Poppy :D
WOW!! He not only listened but took it upon himself to read about it?? Girl ... that is awesome. Even if it doesn't work out, it gives hope to others that maybe there are some compassionate men out there who will TRY to understand. Most of the time that's all I want ... for my husband just to take a moment to listen or read and try to be more informed. I've learned it's not going to happen so I keep it all to myself - which, BTW, is a miserable life.
Good luck!!
I said that I wanted him to know as I didn't think it fair for me to keep it from him after what he'd said to me the night before- was very open about his past, his health issues and a few other things so it seemed like the right time. Needless to say we were both up til 4 in the morning talking about stuff- yes things are going great. So now all I can do I suppose is hope things work out ! I'd say fingers crossed but the way I'm feeling tonight.... I'll just waggle my toes instead :D
A very happy Poppy :D
WOW!! He not only listened but took it upon himself to read about it?? Girl ... that is awesome. Even if it doesn't work out, it gives hope to others that maybe there are some compassionate men out there who will TRY to understand. Most of the time that's all I want ... for my husband just to take a moment to listen or read and try to be more informed. I've learned it's not going to happen so I keep it all to myself - which, BTW, is a miserable life.
Good luck!!