NP74
09-04-2008, 06:34 AM
Hello,
It has been a while since I have posted anything here, but I still read most of the threats. In the college thread someone mentioned the way people treat you when you are in a wheel chair. Have any of you experienced that people automatically assume that you are also mentally challenged just because you have a physical disability? A while ago my husband and I went to an event showcasing outdoor activities for disabled people, kayaking, waterskiing etc ( I highgly recommend kayaking as you can get tandems so you don't have to do all the paddling yourself). At an event like that one would assume that the volunteers would be knowledgeable, and most were, but there was one volunteer, who spoke to me as if I was mentally challenged. Being spoken to like that is much worse than the stares etc you get from people. How do you deal with those people? I chose to ignore him, and had a good cry when I got home. I should probably just feel sorry for him, but it is very hard when all you really have is your brain!
P
It has been a while since I have posted anything here, but I still read most of the threats. In the college thread someone mentioned the way people treat you when you are in a wheel chair. Have any of you experienced that people automatically assume that you are also mentally challenged just because you have a physical disability? A while ago my husband and I went to an event showcasing outdoor activities for disabled people, kayaking, waterskiing etc ( I highgly recommend kayaking as you can get tandems so you don't have to do all the paddling yourself). At an event like that one would assume that the volunteers would be knowledgeable, and most were, but there was one volunteer, who spoke to me as if I was mentally challenged. Being spoken to like that is much worse than the stares etc you get from people. How do you deal with those people? I chose to ignore him, and had a good cry when I got home. I should probably just feel sorry for him, but it is very hard when all you really have is your brain!
P
Sponsor
Madalot
09-04-2008, 11:20 AM
I have been fortunate not to have run into many people that assume just because I'm physically disabled that I'm also mentally challenged. Like you, it would upset me tremendously if I ran into that a lot. I think ignoring those people and just chalking them up to uneducated morons is probably the only way to go.
Try not to let people get you down too much. I know it's hard and I sometimes have myself a good cry over people too.
Try not to let people get you down too much. I know it's hard and I sometimes have myself a good cry over people too.
michigani
09-05-2008, 04:53 PM
I could write 20 pages on this. I believe I understand what you mean.
My dad was in a wheelchair with MD and a waitress once said to my mom "And what would HE like?" That kind of stuff made him upset with people (although he was really upbeat and easy going). He said to the waitress "I didn't discuss it with her, I'll have the.........."
I've always felt that some healthy individuals that have never been affected by a disability in their lives don't ever try to imagine themselves in our position. That our minds are JUST like theirs, just not our bodies. People have spoken to me slowly so I'll understand. It's crazy and I usually just shrug it off as harmless. Once a friend of the family said to me "Wow! You cook meals and grocery shop? Good for you!" I said "Yeah, and I can tie my own shoes too!" I felt a little bad but I think my comment made her think a bit.
My dad was in a wheelchair with MD and a waitress once said to my mom "And what would HE like?" That kind of stuff made him upset with people (although he was really upbeat and easy going). He said to the waitress "I didn't discuss it with her, I'll have the.........."
I've always felt that some healthy individuals that have never been affected by a disability in their lives don't ever try to imagine themselves in our position. That our minds are JUST like theirs, just not our bodies. People have spoken to me slowly so I'll understand. It's crazy and I usually just shrug it off as harmless. Once a friend of the family said to me "Wow! You cook meals and grocery shop? Good for you!" I said "Yeah, and I can tie my own shoes too!" I felt a little bad but I think my comment made her think a bit.
Wallis86
09-05-2008, 11:49 PM
I was the person who wrote about being treated differently... And like you michigani, I could write novels on this.
Most of the time I hang out with my best friend, especially in restaurants and big stores. She has a service dog for hypoglycemia alert (she's a type 1 diabetic), and it frustrates me to no end when people ask her if she is training the dog for me! If the dog was mine, don't you think I'd be holding the leash?! (I'm getting my own mobility service dog in early november, and I WILL be going on my own and holding the leash all by myself!) I've also attended classes with her where the professor asks her if she is my aide. People CONSTANTLY ask who ever I'm with (friends or family) questions about me... What will I be eating, what's wrong with me, do I need assistance... Unless I'm alone, people hardly ever ask ME the questions, I don't know why. I always approach it by answering their questions even though they didn't ask me. My best friend will confront them and tell them to ask me.
I've also had people think I'm blind or deaf as well. One man (I only used crutches at this point) used to yell "HELLO" really slowly and loudly at me whenever he saw me. When I was fostering a service dog for the organization I work for (the hypo alert dogs) an old woman kept telling me she had moved her belongings. I couldn't figure out for the life of me why she kept informing me of her every move until I dropped something and she asked me if it was mine, describing the shape and color of it. Then it clicked that she thought my service dog was because I was blind.
It's hard to know how to approach these things because people are ignorant. They aren't doing it on purpose really, they just don't know better. I think it's key to educate people that, while some people with physical disabilities also have mental handicaps, most people do not. On the same token, I always like to educate people that most people in wheelchairs can actually walk a little at least. (I got verbally assaulted once by a woman who was accusing me of lying about being disabled when she saw me walk a few steps)
You just have to take it all with a grain of salt and laugh at people's ignorance, otherwise it will just upset you.
Most of the time I hang out with my best friend, especially in restaurants and big stores. She has a service dog for hypoglycemia alert (she's a type 1 diabetic), and it frustrates me to no end when people ask her if she is training the dog for me! If the dog was mine, don't you think I'd be holding the leash?! (I'm getting my own mobility service dog in early november, and I WILL be going on my own and holding the leash all by myself!) I've also attended classes with her where the professor asks her if she is my aide. People CONSTANTLY ask who ever I'm with (friends or family) questions about me... What will I be eating, what's wrong with me, do I need assistance... Unless I'm alone, people hardly ever ask ME the questions, I don't know why. I always approach it by answering their questions even though they didn't ask me. My best friend will confront them and tell them to ask me.
I've also had people think I'm blind or deaf as well. One man (I only used crutches at this point) used to yell "HELLO" really slowly and loudly at me whenever he saw me. When I was fostering a service dog for the organization I work for (the hypo alert dogs) an old woman kept telling me she had moved her belongings. I couldn't figure out for the life of me why she kept informing me of her every move until I dropped something and she asked me if it was mine, describing the shape and color of it. Then it clicked that she thought my service dog was because I was blind.
It's hard to know how to approach these things because people are ignorant. They aren't doing it on purpose really, they just don't know better. I think it's key to educate people that, while some people with physical disabilities also have mental handicaps, most people do not. On the same token, I always like to educate people that most people in wheelchairs can actually walk a little at least. (I got verbally assaulted once by a woman who was accusing me of lying about being disabled when she saw me walk a few steps)
You just have to take it all with a grain of salt and laugh at people's ignorance, otherwise it will just upset you.
Madalot
09-06-2008, 08:41 AM
<<I always like to educate people that most people in wheelchairs can actually walk a little at least. (I got verbally assaulted once by a woman who was accusing me of lying about being disabled when she saw me walk a few steps)>>
This is what I've personally experienced more than anything. There are a few threads here about this very thing. It really upsets me when people make judgments when they have absolutely no clue what I deal with on a regular basis. Yes, I can walk some and do, but it's very limited and I need to be extremely careful. There are times I've decided to use a cane or walker and make do when I should have taken my wheelchair. But no one hears the indepth discussions my husband and I have BEFOREHAND to decide which is best for me for that particular event.
But I think it's just human nature to judge what you (general you) don't understand. And when you're the one being judged, it hurts.
This is what I've personally experienced more than anything. There are a few threads here about this very thing. It really upsets me when people make judgments when they have absolutely no clue what I deal with on a regular basis. Yes, I can walk some and do, but it's very limited and I need to be extremely careful. There are times I've decided to use a cane or walker and make do when I should have taken my wheelchair. But no one hears the indepth discussions my husband and I have BEFOREHAND to decide which is best for me for that particular event.
But I think it's just human nature to judge what you (general you) don't understand. And when you're the one being judged, it hurts.
Wallis86
09-06-2008, 10:35 AM
Oh yes, it certainly hurts, and I suppose Im being a bit hypocritical here because I will admit that it frustrates and angers and certainly upsets me to have people judge me. I just know and try and keep telling myself I can't let it get to me.
Madalot
09-08-2008, 08:30 AM
I know for me, it's definitely made me more aware of NOT being as judgmental towards others. I think sometimes it has to happen that way. When I see a person getting out of a handicapped parking spot that "looks" perfectly normal, I tell myself that while it may be possible they're not disabled, I do not KNOW what their situation is. They could have a problem that isn't obvious to the eye.
And for me, I have never assumed that a person is mentally challenged just because they are physically challenged. That one blows my mind.
And for me, I have never assumed that a person is mentally challenged just because they are physically challenged. That one blows my mind.
hoosierKT
09-08-2008, 04:19 PM
Madalot just reminded me of something that happened the other day. I was waiting to go into the parking guy's office here at school and he was talking to one of our profesors. I walked in and the parking guy said "Oh you must be here for the handicap decal" and the guy he was talking to said "Handicap? Well i don't see crutches or a wheelchair"...
I just wish everyone could think like all of us and not judge. Now if that man would have seen me come up the stairs to get to the office, he might have shut his mouth.
I just wish everyone could think like all of us and not judge. Now if that man would have seen me come up the stairs to get to the office, he might have shut his mouth.
Madalot
09-08-2008, 05:06 PM
<<I just wish everyone could think like all of us and not judge. Now if that man would have seen me come up the stairs to get to the office, he might have shut his mouth.>>
Probably not. People that are that openly judgmental will usually continue to be judgmental no matter what. Somehow, they will never see themselves as doing anything wrong. Even if you point out to them why you are disabled, they will still get upset and say something like "well, since you don't LOOK disabled, how was I supposed to know??"
Most people rarely acknowledge that it's them that need to re-evaluate their reactions or responses.
Probably not. People that are that openly judgmental will usually continue to be judgmental no matter what. Somehow, they will never see themselves as doing anything wrong. Even if you point out to them why you are disabled, they will still get upset and say something like "well, since you don't LOOK disabled, how was I supposed to know??"
Most people rarely acknowledge that it's them that need to re-evaluate their reactions or responses.
michigani
09-08-2008, 09:18 PM
Boy, do I hear that! That reminded me of yet another story. My mom got sick about 2 years ago. I took her in for x-rays and it took everything I had to get her out of the car, into a wheelchair, and into the hospital waiting room. I could hardy walk when I finally plopped down into a chair. When the technician came in to take her for the x-rays she said "Have your son bring you back, he'll need to lift you up onto the table" My mom said "He'll need help". I was about to start the 30 second struggle out of the chair, when the technician said "What?!! This big strong guy? He can do it!"
Well, once she saw me "crawling" out of my chair she understood....I guess.
Well, once she saw me "crawling" out of my chair she understood....I guess.
fishing911
09-14-2008, 08:44 PM
I saw a t-shirt in Wal-Mart the other day that I wanted to get, but they didn't have my size. I loved it, it said "Keep staring. I might do a trick"! :D
I sooo want this t-shirt because I hate when I get people staring at me when I walk somewhere in public. I live in Florida and in the summer, I like to wear shorts. Because of my MD, I've always been a little self conscious because I have enlarged calf muscles and people always stare. I have even heard people snickering and talking loud enough for me to hear. It is embarassing to some degree, but I have gotten where I ignore it more and more. I recently had a fall where I broke 2 vertebra in my back and I used a cane for balance, etc to keep me from possibly falling again. Having the cane has helped a lot with feeling a lot more secure when walking.
It's funny that at my work after having my fall injury and being out of work for a month and a half that all of a sudden, "maybe he does having something wrong with him". People seem to look now at me like, "oh there is something wrong with him" since he walks with a cane now.
You always have the people that don't think there is anything wrong with you because you "look normal".
I am sure when it come time for me to use a power chair or scooter at work, there will be the ones that will have the nasty comments about "he's faking it because he can still walk some". I am sure other people in similar situations have had similar reactions.
I try to educate people I work with about my condition, but it is funny how people always get it mixed up and say you have MS.
I sooo want this t-shirt because I hate when I get people staring at me when I walk somewhere in public. I live in Florida and in the summer, I like to wear shorts. Because of my MD, I've always been a little self conscious because I have enlarged calf muscles and people always stare. I have even heard people snickering and talking loud enough for me to hear. It is embarassing to some degree, but I have gotten where I ignore it more and more. I recently had a fall where I broke 2 vertebra in my back and I used a cane for balance, etc to keep me from possibly falling again. Having the cane has helped a lot with feeling a lot more secure when walking.
It's funny that at my work after having my fall injury and being out of work for a month and a half that all of a sudden, "maybe he does having something wrong with him". People seem to look now at me like, "oh there is something wrong with him" since he walks with a cane now.
You always have the people that don't think there is anything wrong with you because you "look normal".
I am sure when it come time for me to use a power chair or scooter at work, there will be the ones that will have the nasty comments about "he's faking it because he can still walk some". I am sure other people in similar situations have had similar reactions.
I try to educate people I work with about my condition, but it is funny how people always get it mixed up and say you have MS.
Madalot
09-15-2008, 09:16 AM
<<I try to educate people I work with about my condition, but it is funny how people always get it mixed up and say you have MS. >>
OMG -- I get this all the time! It really frustrates me. I know it isn't fair of me to expect people to understand and "get" this. They're not the ones suffering from this disease. And until a person is personally dealing with something like this, they tend to see and hear what they want.
But I have so many people keep saying I have MS. I did a little research on the difference between the two diseases and sent an email out to friends and family explaining the difference between the two and that I have MD not MS. Even after that, I still hear about how I have MS.
OMG -- I get this all the time! It really frustrates me. I know it isn't fair of me to expect people to understand and "get" this. They're not the ones suffering from this disease. And until a person is personally dealing with something like this, they tend to see and hear what they want.
But I have so many people keep saying I have MS. I did a little research on the difference between the two diseases and sent an email out to friends and family explaining the difference between the two and that I have MD not MS. Even after that, I still hear about how I have MS.
michigani
09-15-2008, 11:26 AM
Ditto.....everyone thinks I have MS. Same outward look but totally different cause. MS is when the brain stops sending nerve signals to the muscles. Of course, WE all know that.
Also, "fishing911", when I started using a cane I was VERY self-conscious. Then I got to the point where it was a relief. People realized there was something wrong. This is a stage that every MD patient goes through. I completely understand! Now I'm at the walker stage, the cane just isn't safe enough any more. Same thing, very self-conscious but who cares?! I feel much safer and people know there's really something wrong. I went through your stage maybe 4-5 years ago. Hopefully your MD is slow-progression. Mine is rather slow compared to some others but too fast for me! I'm never ready for the next stage! Oh well, all we can do is keep optimistic and maintain a good attitude.
Mark
Also, "fishing911", when I started using a cane I was VERY self-conscious. Then I got to the point where it was a relief. People realized there was something wrong. This is a stage that every MD patient goes through. I completely understand! Now I'm at the walker stage, the cane just isn't safe enough any more. Same thing, very self-conscious but who cares?! I feel much safer and people know there's really something wrong. I went through your stage maybe 4-5 years ago. Hopefully your MD is slow-progression. Mine is rather slow compared to some others but too fast for me! I'm never ready for the next stage! Oh well, all we can do is keep optimistic and maintain a good attitude.
Mark
SHANTACLARE61
09-22-2008, 02:23 PM
Well it looks like we can all relate to this post. An example for me is, I can almost run down the stairs and when It's time to go back up I look like I've just aged 50 years. Then I feel like I need to explain to everyone, (everytime) that it's the "up muscles" that don't work.
Then when I need someone to help me up a stair or two I feel like I'm going to hurt them by pulling their arm.
Then when I need someone to help me up a stair or two I feel like I'm going to hurt them by pulling their arm.
COLOGAL
09-23-2008, 12:12 PM
Exactly!!! That Is Why I Love This Board. Not Only Can I Relate To Others, Some Of The Posts Sound Like Others Are Living My Life!
Gayle
Gayle
peachiemom
12-01-2008, 04:36 AM
My husband is 6' 3" and 240 standing next to me in my wheelchair. Everyone always talks to him instead of me. He has the best sense of humor. His standard reply is "why you talking to me, she is the boss". I love to see their faces.
ps according to half my town I have MS lol
Jodie
ps according to half my town I have MS lol
Jodie