lynn41
09-06-2008, 06:18 PM
I'm just wondering how the rest of you manage the load of working, kids, housework, etc. Do you struggle to keep the house clean, or just let it go? I look around and see how dusty everything is, see the floors need to be mopped, bathrooms need to be cleaned, etc. but I just don't have it in me to do it all anymore. My hands, elbows and shoulders hurt so bad when I clean. I can't afford to hire someone to do it, so I'm wondering how the rest of you manage this stuff. :(
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Glojer
09-06-2008, 11:18 PM
lynn, I don't work anymore and I can't handle it. I hire someone to clean for me. She does just the basics, vacuum, mop, clean bathrooms and dust. I don't know what I would do without her. That free's me up to do those once in a while cleaning projects.
So to answer your question, when I was working and had to try to do it all a lot of it just didn't get done. The dust would build up until you could write your name in it. I always tried to keep my bathrooms wiped up but sometimes all but the powder room would go begging. I finally had to have braveman vacuum the carpets for me. I would do the hardwood and sometimes it would take me two days to get it done. It would seriously take me an entire day to clean my kitchen. This was all after my kids were away at college. When they were little I stayed home and my house would be a disaster. I used to wonder how the other moms could keep such a clean house. Then I found out some of them had housekeepers and of course they didn't have fibro. I just didn't know I did either. One day after a meeting at church during preschool the 3other moms and I still had business to discuss and organize and the kids needed lunch. So I said just come to my house I just went to the store and I have stuff to make lunches. We all pull up in my driveway about the same time and go in my back door. There is my kitchen table still loaded with cereal bowls and spills and everything you can think of. All those ladies didn't hesitate one minute, they just started gathering up the dirty dishes putting them in the sink, wiping the table off and fixing lunch for the kids. They acted like it was just a normal thing to them. Thats when I realized I was setting to high a standard for myself and other moms had messes all the time too. I realized that time with my children and family were much more important than a clean house. As my old auntie use to tell me, that dirt will still be there when you get time to clean it up.
I didn't tell you how to do it, but I hope I helped you to feel better about your priorities. Your children and your family and of course your job and when you get to it maybe the house, but only if your children don't want to have some fun with Mom.
Perhaps you can figure out a way to have someone come in at least once a month to do just the basics. Debi the lady that does mine, has her own business and doesn't charge as much as the companies would. She is the sister in law of a lady my daughter in law worked with. Find someone recommended or that has a connection to someone you like or trust. Ask around you would be surprised how affordable it can be.
So sorry my answer turned into a book. I just know how frustrated you are.
Glojer
So to answer your question, when I was working and had to try to do it all a lot of it just didn't get done. The dust would build up until you could write your name in it. I always tried to keep my bathrooms wiped up but sometimes all but the powder room would go begging. I finally had to have braveman vacuum the carpets for me. I would do the hardwood and sometimes it would take me two days to get it done. It would seriously take me an entire day to clean my kitchen. This was all after my kids were away at college. When they were little I stayed home and my house would be a disaster. I used to wonder how the other moms could keep such a clean house. Then I found out some of them had housekeepers and of course they didn't have fibro. I just didn't know I did either. One day after a meeting at church during preschool the 3other moms and I still had business to discuss and organize and the kids needed lunch. So I said just come to my house I just went to the store and I have stuff to make lunches. We all pull up in my driveway about the same time and go in my back door. There is my kitchen table still loaded with cereal bowls and spills and everything you can think of. All those ladies didn't hesitate one minute, they just started gathering up the dirty dishes putting them in the sink, wiping the table off and fixing lunch for the kids. They acted like it was just a normal thing to them. Thats when I realized I was setting to high a standard for myself and other moms had messes all the time too. I realized that time with my children and family were much more important than a clean house. As my old auntie use to tell me, that dirt will still be there when you get time to clean it up.
I didn't tell you how to do it, but I hope I helped you to feel better about your priorities. Your children and your family and of course your job and when you get to it maybe the house, but only if your children don't want to have some fun with Mom.
Perhaps you can figure out a way to have someone come in at least once a month to do just the basics. Debi the lady that does mine, has her own business and doesn't charge as much as the companies would. She is the sister in law of a lady my daughter in law worked with. Find someone recommended or that has a connection to someone you like or trust. Ask around you would be surprised how affordable it can be.
So sorry my answer turned into a book. I just know how frustrated you are.
Glojer
lynn41
09-07-2008, 10:56 AM
Glojer:
Thank you, thank you, thank you. I'm sitting here crying like a baby just from the fact that someone understands how I feel. I used to keep an immaculate house, and work a full time job (with a commute that takes 2 hours out of my day), and jog every day and be the main person to take care of my son. I'm wondering if all the stress from trying to be so "perfect" isn't part of what caused this fibro to begin with. I've been fighting it for two years now - and it has won. It's kicked my butt. I struggle just to make it through the day now, my house is picked up but dirty, I've gained 40 lbs, and my husband just doesn't have a clue what happened to me. Hell, I don't know what happened to me either! Bottom line - this is me now, it's not who I want to be, but most days the fatigue and pain give me no choice. It's so hard for me to accept the fact that I can't do it all anymore ... I just can't. Guess it's time to just have a good long cry and get it out of my system, shake it off and face another day.
Thanks for listening and replying. Understanding and a shoulder to cry on is better than any medicine a doctor can offer.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. I'm sitting here crying like a baby just from the fact that someone understands how I feel. I used to keep an immaculate house, and work a full time job (with a commute that takes 2 hours out of my day), and jog every day and be the main person to take care of my son. I'm wondering if all the stress from trying to be so "perfect" isn't part of what caused this fibro to begin with. I've been fighting it for two years now - and it has won. It's kicked my butt. I struggle just to make it through the day now, my house is picked up but dirty, I've gained 40 lbs, and my husband just doesn't have a clue what happened to me. Hell, I don't know what happened to me either! Bottom line - this is me now, it's not who I want to be, but most days the fatigue and pain give me no choice. It's so hard for me to accept the fact that I can't do it all anymore ... I just can't. Guess it's time to just have a good long cry and get it out of my system, shake it off and face another day.
Thanks for listening and replying. Understanding and a shoulder to cry on is better than any medicine a doctor can offer.
bluelakelady
09-07-2008, 11:43 AM
dear lynn,
i think we have all had to ease up on our standards. i know i have. my neice is coming to visit in october. i am tring like crazy to get ahold of my friend who cleans the house for me. she has not been here since last june and the house looks it. while brother and i keep it neat and tidy, i can see the deep down dirty beginning to climb the walls from the floor.
if i can't get ahold of her in time, my house will be what it is, and i refuse to worry at that point. i used to clean top to bottom when company was coming. no more. i refuse to waste my precious energy cleaning when i can use it playing and visiting.
i live on a fixed income and paying her is a luxury i consider a necessity. so i find a way.
do what you can and forgive yourself the rest. we all do the best we can each day.
peace,
blue
i think we have all had to ease up on our standards. i know i have. my neice is coming to visit in october. i am tring like crazy to get ahold of my friend who cleans the house for me. she has not been here since last june and the house looks it. while brother and i keep it neat and tidy, i can see the deep down dirty beginning to climb the walls from the floor.
if i can't get ahold of her in time, my house will be what it is, and i refuse to worry at that point. i used to clean top to bottom when company was coming. no more. i refuse to waste my precious energy cleaning when i can use it playing and visiting.
i live on a fixed income and paying her is a luxury i consider a necessity. so i find a way.
do what you can and forgive yourself the rest. we all do the best we can each day.
peace,
blue
saxlady
09-07-2008, 07:03 PM
I too am driven nuts by this. I used to keep an emaculate house and run a buisness and raised two girls and a husband. The kids are gone and I have just become officially dissabled this year. Now I try to just keep the kitchen and bathroom clean. Everything else gets done if I feel like it. I am lucky enough to have a husband that will help so now I have it under control but for a while there she was pretty hit and miss. LOL
lynn41
09-07-2008, 08:55 PM
Hit and miss ... LOL ... that describes my house cleaning these days perfectly!
Glojer
09-08-2008, 01:13 AM
lynn, I did think of one thing that may help with the dust. I notice you are in Arkansas so this may not work, don't know what kind of heating system you have. We have gas forced air here in St. Louis county. Most houses have basements with our furnaces, anyway we get our vents cleaned out every so many years. No special number of years, just when we think we need it. Anyway it really helps keep the dust down, having an older house with vents full of years of dust blowing out can really make a bigger mess than you think.
I also think you have hit on that perfection thing. I know I was always that way, needed everything perfect and of course it just couldn't be with house and kids and hubby and job. I read somewhere that people with fibro do have that perfectionism personality.
Glojer
I also think you have hit on that perfection thing. I know I was always that way, needed everything perfect and of course it just couldn't be with house and kids and hubby and job. I read somewhere that people with fibro do have that perfectionism personality.
Glojer
lynn41
09-08-2008, 08:39 PM
Glojer - I have no doubt the air/heating system in my house is part of the problem. Our house is quite old although the prior owners remodeled. They should have taken some of the money they spent on how the house looks and put in a better system. We didn't realize it at the time we bought it and currently have it for sale - but this isn't the best market to sell a house!
sweetjerseygirl
09-08-2008, 10:04 PM
Hi Lynn, I agree with the ladies on this ! I also used to have a sparkling house but no more, I have been laid off work and thought great, i will have more time to get things done, not ! It just kills me when i do the two rooms we use the most, which is the kitchen and of course when company comes, its the living room. Even the bathroom is a lot of work, so the neglected room would be our bedroom, but its not as bad as i think most of the time, its just not sparkling anymore ! I cut myself a break, i used to get so upset, for what ? To throw me into a flair? nope not anymore........I have a husband that could make things a little easier for me but doesn't but i do know he works hard, i only want him to pick up after himself and a daughter, same thing, never knew one child could fill up a sink as quick as she does, but its never the paper plate queen, silverware, glasses and pans do not count as dishes for some reason, upstairs is her domain, her bedroom, her own bathroom, which she is responsible for and there is one spare room up there, which one of these days i will get to, not really worried about it now! Usually if i see my daughter cleaning the floors down stairs, and dusting i ask her, Oh what time is Mike coming over ? That's her boyfriend and she never catches on, she usually says the time ! Isn't that just great !!! My family now thinks because I'm home, i want to pick up after them. I'm done with the dumb arguments and i just don't worry about that much like i used to but still every once in a while someone will drop by unexpectedly and i feel like i have egg on my face, guess thats just normal and of course they never care but i apoligize anyway. Dont be hard on yourself, be proud of all you do, i frequently say i dont think i could have raised children with this but all of you moms with little ones have proved me wrong, So hold your head up high and give yourself a pat on the back ! Now get that kitchen clean young lady :D you cried now i hope you laughed
Glojers story was great when she asked the other moms over and they just helped her clean up. Thats really the way it is, we just think were bad house keepers when we are just overwhlemed. Its all good now take it easy :angel: Have a good night and get some rest.........
Glojers story was great when she asked the other moms over and they just helped her clean up. Thats really the way it is, we just think were bad house keepers when we are just overwhlemed. Its all good now take it easy :angel: Have a good night and get some rest.........
poppy7
09-08-2008, 10:39 PM
Hi Lynn hope you're not worrying too much still about your home, I know I'm not after reading the other ladies posts ! I used to try and get through all the rooms on a daily basis and realised the hard way that it was just making me worse- used to get really bad flares all the time. I got really upset one day about this when a neighbour called round unexpectedly- was on my knees trying to vaccuum the front room and not getting very far ! She pointed out to me that as long at the house is clean, does it really matter if it's untidy?! It is a home, not a show house, things are allowed to be left out, washing can sit in the sink til you feel like washing them and if your office room is a mess, then close the door til you're feeling up to it ! She's now 90 and admitted to me that if she'd tried to clean her house every day like I used to then she wouldn't have lasted this long. Her attitude is that life is for living, not cleaning :D
I now do a list for each room and as long as they're ticked off by the end of the week it doesn't matter when they get done. I know that I'm lucky in not having to run around after kids or a partner, which I guess must be a nightmare at times, but as my mum points out to me, even small kids are capable of putting toys away or playing with a duster- I know when I was little my weekly treat for dusting the front room and putting my toys away was a bag of sweets on a friday night with a film ! mmm might have to treat myself this weekend :D
Poppy x
I now do a list for each room and as long as they're ticked off by the end of the week it doesn't matter when they get done. I know that I'm lucky in not having to run around after kids or a partner, which I guess must be a nightmare at times, but as my mum points out to me, even small kids are capable of putting toys away or playing with a duster- I know when I was little my weekly treat for dusting the front room and putting my toys away was a bag of sweets on a friday night with a film ! mmm might have to treat myself this weekend :D
Poppy x
lynn41
09-08-2008, 11:01 PM
Thanks ladies!! I know I have to readjust everything in my life - including the way my brain works. I used to clean house every other weekend and when I say clean, I mean clean - everything from baseboards to ceilings, etc., room by room. It doesn't happen anymore. I look up at the ceiling fan and see the dust and then I look at my son and say who cares about the dust! I sometimes don't even have the energy or ability to play with my son, so when I am feeling a bit better, I don't want to waste it on something that's going to be dirty again in no time.
Now ... if I could just find some way to stop feeling like such a loser since I don't maintain everything anymore.
Now ... if I could just find some way to stop feeling like such a loser since I don't maintain everything anymore.
bluelakelady
09-09-2008, 10:34 AM
lynn,
you are only a loser if you decide you are one. health issues does not make you one. neither does a messy house. you are not a loser. i said so. how do i know this? because i once sat where you are. i was wrong. i am not a loser. i am a winner. i decided that.
i do the best i can every day. even if showering is my main goal that day. as long as i get it i win. gold stars for me.
just getting thru a day is cause for celebration. celebrate yourself. you matter.
peace,
blue
you are only a loser if you decide you are one. health issues does not make you one. neither does a messy house. you are not a loser. i said so. how do i know this? because i once sat where you are. i was wrong. i am not a loser. i am a winner. i decided that.
i do the best i can every day. even if showering is my main goal that day. as long as i get it i win. gold stars for me.
just getting thru a day is cause for celebration. celebrate yourself. you matter.
peace,
blue
sweetjerseygirl
09-09-2008, 11:18 AM
Hey Lynn, And you will figure it out believe me and you will let it go. Like you said you are just re-adjusting. Give yourself some time, i put myself down long enough with the guilt and so did my family. But they no longer use the comment "Well your home all day" unless for some reason they want to make me mad, so i blow them off and retreat to the bedroom, light my candles and im off in another world. Sometimes its not as easy as that, but im trying to stay positive, i have that talk with myself and ignore them ;) You will be ok, try not to worry so much, your doing the best you can and we all know that because we all deal with it ourselves. Hope you had a good day today. Go ahead put that pretty smile back on your face, :)