Hello all. Thanks for taking the time to read this. I'm a 32 y/o male living in Florida and have been suffering with severe health conditions for almost 10 years now. I've lost my 20's and desperately want to start to live again.
In 1992 I went through a phase of hard drug use (cocaine) at the same time as I went through a horrible breakup. I didn't deal with the stress well and also neglected my body in every way. Just drugs and crying constantly. My stress level was always at an overload point and my health just seemed to vanish.
Doctors put me on Valium for the stress and LEFT me on it for the next 9 years. (30 mgs a day. sometimes I'd self medicate to 50mgs). The depression and stress continued and I soon started noticing the quality of my hair changing. It became dry, thin and brittle. My singing voice started to become more and more labored and soon I lost it entirely. Being that I love singing more than life itself this threw me into a deeper depression.
My skin became pale and I started losing weight. I started feeling like a hypochondriac because it seemed like every week my illness took a new turn and doctors couldn't help. My digestion just STOPPED and weight loss became severe. I dropped to 135 lbs no matter how much I ate.
I developed severe, never ending gastro problems and soon food allergies became so sever I was living on only 3 kinds of food. Life was a nightmare.
I had quit all drugs except for marijuana because everything made me sicker. I soon became a shut in and severly agoraphobic. I was afraid to see anyone who knew me because my physical state had deteriorated so badly..... I was so embarassed.
Last year I decided to take my life back and took 6 months out of my life to detox from the Valium. It was the most difficult and horrifying experience of my life. I also quit weed during that period to focus on the normalizing as it happened.
My health returned after 6 months and I was more healthy and revitalized than I remembered being in 9 years. I felt so amazing and looked like a new person.
But I had a relapse and it seemes I'm now sicker than I ever was before. I've had my blood tests done and I'm not HIV but my immune system seems to have shut down entirely. Vitamins don't help and excercise seems to make it worse.
I've used every immune building product I can find (colostrum, beta-glucan, VitaminC, strerols) and modified my diet as well. I'm severly intolerant to almost ALL foods and I can't stop urinating now. (this is a new symptom) I'm not diabetic, and don't understand this.
I have days when I start to rebound but seem to fall back down again. I was smoking weed again but once again stopped because I know it's immune supressing. My stress levels are really high again and it seems to be connected to stress.
I feel like my life is slipping away and don't know what to do. Doctors have been no help and I'm running out of time. I was 175 lbs this time and lost 35 lbs in 3 weeks even though I was eating like a pig.
Does anyone know a system for building the immune system back up? I feel like I have all the right parts (because as I said, some days I feel on the up swing and then fall) but the combination is alluding me. Maybe I'm eating too much, or I excercised to much and caused a cascade again. When I get upset it all seems to spiral as well.
I refuse to take tranquilizers ever again after last year so I don't know how to control my stress levels. Herbal support??? If so which ones? Vitamins are hard to tolerate as well so I'm severely deficient. I'm also dehydrated from all the peeing (even though I drink over 2 gallons of water a day) I would appreciate any info at all.
I know these boards are helpful because last year while I was detoxing from the Valium (at home, without a support group or detox center) I used the boards and other ex Benzo people helped me deal with the scary debilitating symptoms I was affected by. I in turn spent the next 6 months helping others through that frightening ordeal... kinda my "Thank You".
I'm sorry this was so long but I wanted to make this clear so you all could understand. I hope someone will write and offer some kind of advice or information. There's NOTHING I'm not willing to do. Diet, supplements, herbals, Yoga, excercise.... I know if I want to make it through this I have to change SOMETHING. I just need to know where to start.
Thanks you all for reading and have an AWESOME Holiday!!! Sincerely, John Tulli


[This message has been edited by moderator3 (edited 03-19-2002).]

First of all, I would say that you are on the right track. You recognize that you need to change. So keep up the good work.

I don't know if any of us, can really know what to do or say, since there could be so many reasons why your body is reacting to the way that it does. But we can offer you our support and maybe describe some things that have worked for us.

After being sick for decades where doctors could not heal me, I learned about natural cures. Basically, it means that if you give the body the perfect natural set of conditions, it will heal itself. Now, that sounds simple to say, but there is one catch: You have to find those perfect set of conditions. For me I found out that I was allergic to my dental amalgams (fillings) which contain mercury. So I had to have those toxins removed. I also learned about nutrition, and exercise.

Also I explored herbs. I first started with packaged teas that you can buy in any retail store. I used mild Ginseng tea with good results. Then I got many books on the subject, so that I could understood this better. Medicinal herbs are foods that can help the body heal. But before you use them, you must understand how to prepare them, and in what quantities. Generally herbs are very safe, but you have to be careful that you don't take the wrong kinds or too much quantity.

You might want to visit a healthfood store, and see what kind of books that you can find on the subject. I can't stress enough of the importance to read about this. After taking herbs, for a lot of people, the illness will get slightly worse, before it gets better. This cure for me tooks months to years. I kept notes about it, and as long as I could honestly say I was getting better, I continued.

Today, after feeling like death so many time, I'm so healthy that I now run almost 20 miles a week. About 23-1/2 years ago, a doctor told me to not run more than a hundred yards. So, for different reasons, I know what it feels like to be very sick. It was a long road, but it was worth it for me to be cured.

I hope that this helps. Again, keep up the positive approach. I feel that it's best to keep away from all drugs and alcohol. In fact, I also stopped drinking any alcohol, even though I normally consumed very little wine or beer. I tried everything positive thing that I could think of, to assist me towards recovery.

Since you have had so much trouble with this due to what appears to be your drug abuse problems, I would think discussing this (natural healthy foods, removing toxins, herbs, and exercise) with your doctor would be wise. If you can't find a medical doctor that understand herbs, you might try talking to a naturopath.

John:

I am so sorry you have missed your whole decade of 20's. I had missed most of my decade of the 40's. Suffering with ulcerative colitis and hematolic anemia, having my colon removed as well as my spleen. Both of these diseases are auto-immune disorders. An auto immune disorder can only be diagnosed as "something that triggers the immune system to fight when it's not supposed to". That's what the doctors say anyway. The only thing that they say is that "stress" is a trigger point and assume that is the culprit. Some people's bodies do not do well with stress and therefore, starts fighting, "something". When there is no virus or bacteria there to fight or any kind of illness, it starts working on the good parts of the body.

I had to have counseling and I was taught some meditation. I also bought some soothing CD's to listen to and relaxed and relieve my mind. I also bought some herbal teas, Chamomille mostly. I do take an immune booster, White Korean Ginseng, along with extra vitamin C. But I also take a "soft-gel" vitamin/mineral supplement. That is easier and faster for absorption and go to a herbal/natural store for everything I take. I also had a counseling session with the owner of this store "Herbarium". They can listen to your story and give great advice on what to do and what to take.

But, John. Has a doctor actually diagnosed that your immune system is shutting down? It almost looks like to me that it's going in the opposite direction. Have you gone to a specialist? An immunologist? To have bloodwork taken to have your immune system checked out? How extensive has your bloodwork been?

I would certainly stay away from the drugs and alcohol. I don't think people realize the long-term damage that drugs and alcohol cause. A lot of times, it's down the road before you get symptoms. Like with cigarettes. It can take years before the actual disease of lung cancer or emphasema happen, but during that time of symptom-free living, the body is becoming weaker and more prone. It sounds like you've had a "kick-back". Had you slackened off with what you were doing to make yourself so healthy? I know it can get tiring, but I did that with my ulcerative colitis, I slacked off, and it came back with a vengence to where the medications didn't help and had to have surgery.

I wish you all the best. It has to be very frustrating to have been doing so well, only for the problems to come back, and that causes stress, of course, it's natural.

***Kathleen***

[This message has been edited by moderator3 (edited 03-19-2002).]

I'm going through about the same. Over the last year I have been to every doctor you could think of. They have found nothing. I think I am making myself sick. I am so depressed and worry about everything. I think it drops the immune system. I am never happy, never find pleasure in anything. I think I'm so down all the time that my body doesn't have a chance to recover. So, after the tests I'm going through now, I am going to make a chance. If I do not, I know this damage my body to the point of desease. You have to change your life. You are the only one that can do it. First step is to quit the drug use.

John, I hope that today brought you some hope and you have been doing better since you first posted this. Most of the time I feel that is all we have. I feel I have common factors with all of you. Like Kathleen, I had half of my colon removed and have battled auto immune factors since then. Like Mike I also battle depression, but for me, I feel as if it is a factor of being ill and not a cause in my case.
I think that Kathleen is wise beyond her years, and any insight she might give you would be valuable indeed. I do not have the weed and valium problems that you do, but I have my own drug problems. It is just that they were prescribed without concern for my future health. And even though I know I have to take responsibility for what I put in my mouth. I do feel violated in a way, by uncaring and careless physicians who failed to inform me properly. At one point they had me doing all kinds of IV treatments and vitamins alone was taking up almost all of my SS disability income. Then I had an epiphany.....Medicine is a business. Pharmaceutical companies actually have marketing departments. Hmmmmmmmmmm.....
I have seen doctor after doctor to find answers for my unrelenting pain. I just plain suffered for 3 years, then about 6 months ago, I found a pain management clinic. I found a caring doctor who told me he could help get rid of the pain. And he did. But now I am riddled with worry every day about what the pain killers are doing to me. Once again realizing that this road to pain relief isn't the cure, it just covers it up. That is not what I wanted. I want to be free from all illness, not to be a walking pharmacy. I have found in the last 6 months that I too have become allergic to everything. This was even hard for me to believe, but once again tonight I had another episode. Where after my dinner, I immediately dropped my head into my plate, fast asleep without even knowing it. When my husband awakened me, it was if I were drunk...my words slurring and I was stumbling around the room. My only problem is that every physician I've told this to has laughed me right out of their office. I don't believe it is a direct factor of the pain meds, since it started ever so slowly over the years.
Because my whole illness started with a severe illness of peritonitis, I somehow think I've got an underlying virus somewhere lurking in the dark corners of my body. But first I'll have to find a doctor that will actually take me seriously. My only other option is to cure myself. Like you, I need to build up my immune system. But I hesitate to become some gulible wimp that all these nutritionalist quacks take prey on .
I would be curious to have an honest answer. Does opiod pain killers suppress the immune system. Do they cause permanent damage? I have found that when I ask that question, I either get the gung ho painers or the other extreme of anti-pain relief. I just want an honest answer without judgement. Do you find it hard to get that? I wonder why I am not treated with the same respect that all human beings naturally deserve? I was so naive in the beginning to think that doctors actually wanted to help their patients. I have since discovered that the standard attitude is that patients equate to 75.00 for 15 minutes. Period.

Know what the funny thing is. I am ashamed to tell others that I pray. I am embarrassed to feel that they will look at me and say, "Well, that doesn't work." And as I respect everyones right to their own spiritual beliefs, I only mention this because I have come to the point, that prayer is all that is left for me. Like you, I am totally homebound, so if this is to figured out, it will have to come down to me and God.

I hope you have been able to come off of your meds. You are lucky that pain pills aren't a problem too. I have been on these meds for 6 months and now I am terribly obsessed with getting off of them. But guess what.......if I don't take them, the pain will be so unbearable, that life will not be worthwhile. But then I say to myself...."Look, you may have less pain, but you don't have more life...so what is the difference?" That is the reality of it all.
I think I will email this post to Kathleen also. Something in her post really touched me.
I am fully aware that I have offered you absolutely no insights into your dilemia. So as I close this letter, I will spend a few moments in prayer for you. And while that may seem like such a small thing, it is the only thing that has brought hope to my world. And if there is one thing I could give to you , it would be hope. If it is worth anything, I want you to know that I feel your life is valuable enough for you to put the effort needed to bring it to its fullest form. And I shall be pulling for you John, and for all who posted here..... taking the time to say you care.

Hi! My problems have not been anywhere near where you have been, but I have had some serious problems with allergies, including food, mental clarity, depression, fatigue, ear problems, digestive and urinary problems. My doctor recommended that I read the book The Yeast Connection, by William G. Crook. There is a newer version called The Yeast Connection Handbook. I liked it better. I felt like I was reading my life story. I couldn't put it down. I have been doing some of the things it suggests for about 6 months now and have seen some improvement. I definately feel better when I stay on the diet. Although, it is very difficult to do. I don't know if it will be of any help, but just thought I would tell you about the book.