The dreaded AF came. I was all set to go up this am. to the RE and it came. I am so sad. What a big fat letdown. I tried holding back tears yesteday but when I got home last night from work,, it hit me.
This was our first IUI (with clomid 100mg) I called RE this am. to of course cancel HCG test.I do this IUI one more time. same dose of clomid. Then Mar. 28, I see the doctor again to find a "new plan" of action. I might go to injectibles. (ill need ur help on that one girls)I too am hoping my insurance covers some of it.I knew my husbands sp. ct, washed was under 1 mil, first time (31 mil unwashed) then next day it went up to 5 mil. washed..They said theyd liek to see at least 10 mil. for him. He was sick a month before..and that could have attributed to extra low ct. I am not sure.
Part of me feels like one big failure. I see these people that are having kids..or think twice about havin gthem... cause it isnt the right time in their life or theyre to old or this or that. I get so fed up. I try to do everything right..and follow everything so much......and then one big letdown. My hub., has been super supportive (thank God)..he is of course questioning himself too....and he feels the em,otions of it all too,
All my tests came back good..and the blood work, i ovulate and have periods every month..too.
Oh well..enough of me venting.. I wouild just love 1 child.....If I dont have any more than that so be it......But just one............would be so wonderful.
Jody.. I am so sorry what u are going thru..............
taz.........any updates?
This is just one big rollercoaster.. All i wanna do is cry right now,,,,,,,I just have to fight this.....and go on........and hang in there.......easier said than done. have a good day everyone. Thanks for listening. Anne

Anne, I am so sorry to hear that AF came. I was having horrible pains in my lower abdonmen last night and thought for sure that AF would be there this morning. So far, nothing. This doesn't really mean a whole lot as far as being pg goes b/c my Af's can be really irregular (although they haven't been on progesterone, they have been on the dot). The results to my blood test will be in this morning to the docs office but I think I will wait until my lunch break to call them. That way I can have a little privacy when I get my results - good or bad. The only thing that will suck if it is a + is that DH works construction and I won't be able to get a hold of him and tell him the news until tonight. I was hoping we could find out the results together but it just isn't gonna happen like that.

I have definately decided that this is my last month of fertility drugs (we probably won't permanently prevent it from happing for another year). DH has a 12 year old son and I have a 6 year old daughter so we are not childless, just dreaming, hoping, praying for a child that we could have together.....it would complete our family unit. Anyways, my body is telling me "enough is enough". I have put it through pure he**.

I hate to be so negative and talk like I am not pg, but I just don't feel like I am. I had a long talk to God last night. I asked him why me, why any of us. Why are there so many people who can use abortion as birth control and we can't have children. Why are there women and young girls who don't want children and have them 1 right after another just to give them up or to have them taken away. THere are so many children in horrible home situations and we could provide such a loving and caring environment for one, and we can't. To top it off, it is ALL my problem. DH has great sperm count and mobility or motility - whatever they call it. It is purely me and I am the only reason that we cannot have a child together.

Please pray for me and send baby dust my way that I will get a positive result when I talk to the doc.

Also, thanks for letting me vent, when you said that you see people all the time that have children that don't want them, I knew exactly how you felt. DH and I atleast have 2 children that God has blessed us with so I am very very greatful for them. They are what gets me through each day.

God Bless -

Amy

sorry to hear about it. It is very deppressing but try to be optimistic.Everyday i pray to god to give me and all the couples in similar situation at least one baby and i will never ask him anything more in life. Maybe god is yet to hear our plea but i believe he cannot turn a deaf ear to our prayers and something good will happen to all of us.

Anne,

Has DH gone to a urologist? After a couple of rounds of clomid (without IUI) when we were first trying, my dr did an analysis and kept coming up with completely different counts for him. One day it would be very very high with good quality and motility, then two days later 1 mil with poor motility, etc. Finally, he was referred to a urologist (we ended up paying most of the fees for the services even though we have insurance) He was put on cipro for possibly having bacteria in the semen and ever since his counts improved. They still tend to waiver a little, but have been consistently high enough to please my dr. I am not sure of all the specific details with the bacteria presence because I heard everything secondhand from dh, but it's a thought.

So sorry to hear your news. I hope clomid works for you next time. Injectables weren't TOO bad for me (other than the horrible pain in my ovaries and the schlepping all over town for ultrasounds and blood tests) but I hope you don't have to resort to that. Keep the faith, it will all work out for us some day. I have to believe that, or I'll go crazy wondering WHY. My sister had a child a couple of years ago because she wasn't using bc. She's not married and had never intended to have children. She's a great mom, but I was still completely devastated by the unfairness of the whole situation. Now, I'm good with it, and I love my niece to pieces. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif Hang in there!

Thank you Taz.....Rbis......and Dknee,
I appreciate your support....... I know were all in the same boat......and it is great knowing there is this board full of wonderful people who can sympathize......etc.......
I guess it is just a one day at a time process...and I will get thru it........makes one feel so empty inside.......but now I have to start looking at necxt round...............and keeping faith.
Dknee......No he hasn't been to a urologist..yet...I can definitely mention that to him and we can try that option too..Gives me hope. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif
You guys are wondeful.............Im here for u all when u need a shoulder..................anytime.
Taz........im rootin for u and everyone else too!!!!!!!!!I appreciate all the support here.A

Anne - you sound like spirits are up and you are ready to try again. I think it is a good idea to have DH go to a urologist (sp).

I still haven't heard anything from the doctor. They are suppose to call me on my cell phone. This is driving me crazy.

Amy

Anne,
You are not a failure, you are a kind person who will make a great mother someday. So that's not 10 months from now, but maybe it will be 11 months. Keep your chin up, and we will all get throught this trying time together. I thought for sure you were the one this month, so I was very disapponted too to hear about AF.

Last night, I called dh at work (he works third shift), and he said for me not to worry, ten years from now we are going to be on our boat with our twins. I said, "I hope they are nine years old!" Anyway, we both laughed, and I knew we were going to make it. I hope you can experience the same feeling.

Amy - any news?????

JodyC - blood test came back a big fat negative.

I wish you and ams37 and everyone else good luck in the future. As for me - we are done trying. It has been 10 months of weight gain, mood swings, depression, disappointment, agravation, and a lot of other things. My body and mind are telling me it is time to quite. It has been an emotional, physical, financial and psychological termoil, roller coaster, and strain.

I commend those of you who can endure all of this and continue with your treatments and I will continue to pray for you and wish you the best of luck.

Amy

Thanks to you all.....................You guys are wonderful and supportive. It really does help coming here and having others KNOW what it is LIKE to go THRU!!!!!!!!Were in this together girls!!!!!!
Im here for u all anytime............ You have really given me a ray of sunshine today... We went for a nice long ride today............and it felt really nice.......... went to dinner., even bought a new bedroom set....(sleighbed)>..........
I am glad for u guys................you make coming here alot easier to bear Hugs to u all!

[This message has been edited by ams37 (edited 03-01-2003).]

ams37 - I love sleighbeds. DH is supposed to be making me a log bed but so far it has not been finished http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif He isn't too good about finishing things he starts real promptly (he started it almost a year ago). Got all the logs peeled and cut and then nothing. We have a huge shop that he could go in and finish it but I think I need to light a fire under his a** http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif

The doctor wants me to go on birth control for 3 months to give my body a break and to keep my AF regular. I don't htink I am going to though. 1. I don't wnat to gain any more weight adn 2. That totally eliminates the slim chance of us getting pg the old fashioned way.

Amy

Taz... you crack me up...with the log bed...and lighting a fire under.,,,
I have been trying to put my mind on other things right now...
Hope u guys are all doing ok........on this Mon. morning........I am gonna try to keep busy and not worry about so much. I start the clomid tomorrow for 5 days again.
I am just not getting my hopes up at all ,I will just go with it..............

Anne,

Here we go again! I just had my first shot of follistum (first time on injectibles from clomid), and I take it once every night until Saturday, when I go back to check on the follies. When do you go back to the RE?

- Jody

JodyC
I may have missed this in earlier posts, but how did you feel on clomid? Good luck with injectables, I'll be hoping/praying for good outcome. I loved injections compared to clomid (clomid is evil in my books -- well it made me evil anyway). Best of luck to you!

JodyC
Oh yeah, your comment a few days back about twins?!? Well those injections just might get you there!! (Better and more eggs you know?!) You never know, maybe it will be a self-prediction come true!

Just wanted to say a good luck to those of you still TTC! Amy, I agree about the BCP for a few months. I'm trying to take off a few pounds. My doc says bcp for 6mths then try again (give my body a rest). But I'm not so sure I'm going to listen. Actually, today is day 9 and I'm not taking anything! I'm keeping my fingers crossed that my "healthy" diet and my husbands lack of knowledge that I'm interested in still trying....will help us both conceive a baby this month. God willing. Good Luck and Baby Dust to all of you! Jodie http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif

Hi Jody!
I go back to the RE 3/28, but I was told to do one more round of Clomid (100mg)and go in for another IUI (2 of them back to back). Hopefully my DH sperm ct.will rise from last time. Im hoping and praying. I start clomid tonite at 9p for 5 days (day5-9).......I think that is the next step for me too injectibles>> I know while on clomid i definitely ovulated,I could hardly walk it was s o noticeable hahha, my ovaries seemed to be in overdrive........hahah.... Let me know how u do on injectibles.........I had the worst AF......I think the clomid really built up my lining cause it was so heavy!!!!!!!!! ugh.......ANyway keep me posted on everything......................and have a great day...............Anne

Anne,

I'm confused, are you saying that you are taking clomid now ttc, but you don't go back until March 28th? Or did you mean March 8th? Good luck. Katie, yes, still hoping for twins. I just looked at my checkbook, and it will be tight, but do-able. I have to hope for a big fat promotion as well as a big fat positive http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif RE says if I do get PG, I have a 20% chance of twins with the follistim. I hated the clomid, it made me a witch. I am hoping the follistim is better.

Tanzik- You sound like you are in the same boat as me. My dh's stuff is all good, but I have the problem. All of the things you said, I have experienced as well. We basically gave up for about 3 months, but decided that we will atleast try IVF. My insurance does not pay for any of it, so we will only be doing it one time. We are starting it in May and have the transfer in June. by the way, I have two friends who gave up and quit all the Re stuff, and got preg.

i also have a 6 year old from another marriage and I understand the need to want a child from the one you are with. My DH does not have any children of his own, but loves my son with everything.

Small world huh?

Good luck in all that you do, you need to stay on here because even when you decide enough is enough, you still need support. I stayed off the boards for about 2 months and could not write. I wanted to, but something held me back. God bless you and your family, and I will keep praying for everyone here.

Heather

Hi Jody,
Yes, I go back to RE 3/28 if this round doesnt work.She wants to see us again if this IUI doesnt work. She will start us on something else. I have no idea what though.Maybe injectibles? I am on clomid now(day5-9). I had an IUI done (2 of them ,one on 2/12 and the other 2/13 with clomid day5-9)that round failed so I am doing the clomid thing again and waiting til I Ovulate then go in for 2nd rounds of IUIs this month mid march. They did the clomid challenge test on me first time around (on day 10 had prog level and FSH level drawn to make sure clomid was working)..I didnt have any ultrasounds to check follicles..they told me if I go on injectibles they would do an u/s, so basically Im getting only monitored thru bloodwork. My husband has low sperm ct. Were crossing our fingers that this round wil work.
How are you doing with everything? Keep me updated!!

Hi ams37,
My case seems somewhat similar to yours .Even I had taken clomid last September.,oct,Nov (day5-9) though nothing happened. My Hubby's sperm ct. is perfect and till now none of my obgyns have found anything wrong with me even after doing many blood test,U/s and laparoscopy. This is what i feel horrible as i donot know the reason for not being able to conceive.I didnot have any side effects with clomid and my OPK showed i ovulated all the four months. From today i have started to take Clomid. I have decided to consult a RE to get a more clear picture of my problem. My first appo. with RE is on 25th March & i am waiting impatiently in hope that that my RE can put an end to my suffering.

Hi Rbis........
It is very frustrating to go through things like this. Good luck to u with ur appt. with the RE. I guess at my age..(38)if this 2nd round of IUIs doesnt work, it s on to the next phase. God only knows what. It is definitely an emotional rollercoaster. On clomid..you REALLY know you are ovulating..I could hardly walk haha..due to the lining building up I guess. Let me know how u do at the RE. I went nearer to Boston for my workup at the RE. They do seem very advanced..
You know what makes me laugh though? When there is a sign outside the door )the clinic is inside a hospital)..it has a sign that says "repro endo unit"
It kind of announces that someone has a fertility issue........I just had to laugh..........cause if they arent open yet.and I stand there...there are people walking past and I think ,,geez,,,,,,my head is right below the sign........and they give me a threee headed look haha...............I am off to work now so have a great day!A

Heather - We do have a lot in common. I met with the doc last night and I told her that I need a good break - like 4 or 5 months worth. THey wanted to put me on birth control but I don't want to completely eliminate my chances of getting pg naturally and I hate b/c. Anyways, she gave me something for my nerves and my horrible acid reflux and also something to help me lose weight. Also, since I am such a difficult case all the docs are going to review my chart on 3/20 and decide what to do after my break is over. I really don't want to go back on any form of fertility meds and DH and I have opted not to do IVF. My insurance doesn't cover it and for a little bit more money we can adopt.

I will continue to post - I feel I have made a strong connection with alot of you and want to know how you are doing and like Heather said - this is a great place to come for support.

TTFN - Baby dust to all of you.

AMy

Hi ams37,
My appo. with RE is also near Boston.....I hope the big sign in front of the unit is not there to embarass me......I will surely let u know how things went on 25th.
Have a nice day...

Hey Taz -

Just a thought..... I know you live in MT so this may not be an option. But, I did find a clinic here in MN that charges a flat $12000 for IVF. They guarantee that if you do not have a live birth after 3 cycles, they will refund you $9000 so you can pursue adoption. Their success rate is 85% for people under 35. I have a friend who's used them and she's very impressed. I'm thinking of going that route, because at $1000/month, injectables could cost me $3000 for 3 cycles and their success rate is about 45% at best. Plus, dh is older than I and VERY anxious to finally start a family. He doesn't want to be 65 when his kids finally graduate from high school. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif

I would have to travel to another state to get the IVF so not only would we incur the doctor's fees but also the expense of taking time off work, airfare, hotels, etc. It is just not something that we want to pursue. Also, since we already have two children (just none together) we do not want to increase our chance of multiples any more than we have to. I am taking a break from everything right now and it feels good. There is always that constant thought though in the back of mind mind "will it be this month" I have conceived 3 times naturally over the past 8 years and had 1 successful birth. I conceived 0 times in the past 10 months using fertility drugs so I am not totally giving up hope.

Baby dust to everyone and lots of prayers.

Amy

Oh I understand! Part of my job's territory includes MT, and I know how rural (and beautiful) it can be, and how hard it could be to find a clinic out there. At first I was ambivalent at best about IVF. But dh really wants to go that route, and he's NEVER asked ANYTHING of me. Just been very supportive in every way. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif