Hello to all,
I'm 33 and still don't have a beautiful baby to hold.. I am a high school teacher who see's kids having kids all day long. It is really getting to me lately. I have had only 2 tests ran so far. The first was to see if I was still ovulating and the second was to see if the path to my fallopian tubes were clogged. According to the doctor my right side was a little. He said, not clogged anymore so of course I ran home and had sex.. Please wish me luck.. My question is.. How long should I wait until I get further tests run? I have not been on the pill or any form of birth control for 12years.. A long time.. The only advice people keep giving me is relax and it will happen.. but how? Thanks for listening..

The questions I have for you is, How long have you actually been trying???? They say after 6-12 month swith no success, tests should be run....There are so many tests ..I can speak from experience.

I was going to my regular Gyn. for about 4 months when he placed me on clomid...after no success, he referred me to a specialist in the same building.....I have been seeing him since July of 2002.....

My first test was an hcg test which he injected dye to see if my tubes were opened ....I had only one side opened...he then sheduled surgery for me in August ....I was diagnosed with SEVERE Endometriosis, PCOS and Severe Scar Tissue...Let me tell you, the Doctor had his work cut out for him....AFter Surgery, I was put on Lupron for 3 months...and did not have a period until 2 months after my last injection of Lupron.....
Then it was tme to start for baby!!!! I was placed on Pergonal to help stimulate multiple follicles and tried my first IUI last month...UNSUCCESSFUL....

I have just had my second IUI this past Friday and have to wait 2 weeks to see if I am pregnant....It has been a rough ride...but I am very Thankful for my !!
Doctor....

I think the most important thing for you to do is find a Doctor you are Comfortable with

Good Luck!!!

Thanks for the reply.. I have had the HCG test .. My doctor stated that there was a little mucus blockage on my right side and now it it flowing through just fine.
Truth be known I have used an ovulation kit about 4 times but sex in the past was very irregular.. I think I ended up with the only two guys in the world where sex was not a very big issue.. (However, drinking was).. I guess I am thankful that I didn't have children with these two men.. But now, I am very lucky to have a wonderful man and still the past year I have not used anything and nothing.. Thanks for all of the information on different tests.. I will ask my doctor if I don't see any results in the next couple of months.. Best of luck to you.. It gets harder for me daily.. So many people I know are pregnant right now..

It is hard and I try my best to think positively!!!
I never realized how many others were out there like me!! Keep your head up and lots of praying!!!

I would consult a specialist and ask him/her what kind of tests they think should be done and also explain to them what you have told us. Congrats on finding Mr. Right also.

I get so sick of people saying "Quite worrying and it will happen" The hell it will - I don't thin me worrying has anything to do with me having PCOS or my inability to have a child. Granted, stress can have an affect but I don't think stress gives us endometriosis or the other types of complications many of us have on the board. I hate to say this, but take the advise of a physician and not a friend.

Good luck and I hope you have great success with getting PG.

Amy

I just finished my first consult with a new RE. He said they can spend all my money running test, but they all lead to the same handful of solutions. The doctor didn't recommend any further tests beyond what I had. It's prudent to have the basic tests run, bloodwork, HSG, and ultrasound. If they all come back normal, the basic solutions are
1. Pills (clomid) and intercourse
2. Pills with hCg shot and artificial insemination
3. Injectible medication with artificial insemination
4. Injectibls and IVF.
5. Donor egg or donor sperm.

The blood work and ultrasound will let dr. know which medication to put you on. Also, if there is endo, a clogged tube, on some other medical condition, there are different treatments for those. I have poly-systic ovaries and the rest of my tests are normal.
So, the options that are availabe to me are listed above.

These options are similar for most of us.

Talk to your doctor -- especially if you are over 35 years old.

Good Luck!
Mindy

[This message has been edited by Mindoo (edited 03-04-2003).]

I am also 33 and I am glad my husband wanted to start trying right after we got married ... I was 29 and I am still not pregnant. I never even knew that I didn't ovulate on my own (or rarely). There is a terrific book ... Taking charge of your fertility. Also, like the great advice the others gave you ... find a terrific doctor and that helps a lot. There is a lot of testing done that can be very expensive and not necessary. One of my dear friends had a tube completely blocked when they did the dye testing and she was devastated. Two months later she was preggers and has a healthy baby. I really sympathize with you and seeing children all day long and yearning for your own. Can you believe some of the things people say? It kills you doesn't it? I am a hairdresser and I used to hear from my clients as well as everyone else's all day long ... WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO HAVE SOME??? HUH?? WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? I remember one day just when I thought I couldn't take it anymore .. a client asked while staring at my stomach well, well, did it take?
As I figured out what she was talking about ... since I never shared anything with her before I realized she thought I was pregnant. My gosh ... I was so bloated because I had started my period moments before and now she says this??? I thought I am not preggers and FAT!
I called my husband from the cell phone in my car and told him I was losing my mind!
I decided to be honest when people ask. I don't share details just that it hasn't been easy and they shut right up and most times are more considerate.
I have many suggestions from all .. just take one. Like OH, I know soooooo many people that were trying and as soon as they stopped and adopted they were pregnant just like that! Now they have a house full. ALL and I mean all of our dearest friends are pregnant or have new babies. It's like a darn club and if you don't have one you can't be a member. Oh, they want you to be but you just can't. You want to be too but again it's suffocating. I wish you the very best.
Goodluck to you. What lucky children they are to see you all of the time.

OK, I have to vent with you. Did you know there is a birthday club? A couple of months ago, my girlfriend and I were at one of my friend's daughters birthday parties (she invited my 6 1/2 stepdaughter and myself). My girlfriend (also PG at the time) said, "this is the third birthday party I have been to this month." So I inquired who's she had been to. She mentioned two of my other really close college friends, and one girlfriend I have known six fourth grade! I said, "oh." And pg girlfriend (who knows I am ttc - supposed to be my best friend) says, "well, its just because you don't have any kids that you weren't invited, don't take it personally." I said, "well, I do, and I do have a child, a beautiful 6 1/2 year old stepdaughter". Of course then she went on to tell me how most of my friends don't think of my stepdaughter that way, and of me being a mom (which just added salt to the wound). So basically, I can't get pg, so I am "out of the club", but I have all of the responsibilities of being a stepmom (which it isn't always easy at 6:30 a.m. having my step daughter say, "my mommy doesn't do it this way...", but I don't even get to enjoy the benefits of being a mom... does this make sense? I am majorly venting, but your comments of "just don't stress and it will happen," or, "my friend got pg on vacation" make me nuts. I just want to say, "your friend didn't have PCOS!" When people ask me when I am having children, I just say, "Whenever God is willing."

Even i feel the same as you'll.It is terrible when people are so mean.Actually those people who are not in our shoes cannot understand our feeling and state of mind.Recently a close relative called me up just to know whether i was having fertility problem and if so, i should consult a doctor!!!!!I felt devastated and cried the whole night.I sometimes wonder why people are so curious about other people's personal life.sometime back i met one of my friend's mom and guess what........the second sentence she uttered was....Oh!poor girl, why God is not showing his mercy on you!!!! I somehow controlled my anger and smiled back at her.I wanted to remind her that even her own daughter in law and her younger daughter are facing the same problem,and some years back her elder daughter had a tough time conceiving a child though ultimately it happened.Sometimes i think i should have replied back in the same tone and other times i feel she was right. Truly, God is not showing his mercy.There is nothing much we can do ........just hope and pray.

First of all I want to thank all of you for responding to my question. I didn't realize so many people are in the same situation as myself. My doctor called me at home yesterday and stated that my 1st two tests, the blood test stating whether or not I was ovualting and the HCG test all came back normal. He wants me to make an appointment to talk about further testing. It's a little scary and exciting at the same time. I was very dissapointed about the HCG test.. I know it sounds strange but I wanted to see that something was wrong and hopefully get it fixed. Now that they came back normal.. What now? I guess I will see. To those that replied about how all of my friends ans family tell me just relax.. Yes, I am so sick of hearing that.. If only someone could make a pill that would make me stop thinking about it every single month. No matter how hard Itry I can't stop thinking that maybe this will be the month. Anyway, my prayers are with all of you.. Thanks you so much for listening..

I had a situation the other day where a VERY nice lady I work with (or I used to think she was very nice) came into the office area I share with 2 others. One is a gal who tried for 6 years before finally getting pregnant on the last cycle of injectables/IUI. She had gone so far as to try to sell her car to rase money for IVF. She knows what's been going on, as does my other office mate, but no one else. So, when this lady comes in, she looks at pictures of my friend's baby (now 6 months old) and says to me, "why don't you have any kids?" So I gave her the old, "someday I'll have kids." And she was like, "Doesn't Rochelle's baby give you any ideas? You're not getting any younger you know and it gets harder and harder as you get into your thirties." I told her that I did want children and it would all happen when it's meant to, but my goodness! Talk about sending someone into a complete depression! I'm not sure how I made it through the rest of the day. Why are people so hurtful? It's not like I want to share my private life with her, but I almost felt like "retaliating" in that way to make her feel as badly as she made me feel!

I would have had a very hard time not retaliating back from a comment like that... However, I get it pretty often. The comment of "your not getting any younger." My high school students are always making comments not to hurt me but they are wondering why I don't have kids. The sad thing is that my 9th graders parents are my age. So they think I am "old". I have to say I have a major phobia of needles but it sounds as though I might have no other option. I'll do whatever it takes but ohh.. I hate needles.. Does not sound fun at all.. Thanks for the response..

I'm not a needle person either. Actually, I generally am very sensitive to medications, so I don't like to take anything strong. I did okay giving myself injections though. I did gonal-f in the abdomen last month. The needle was very small and didn't really hurt. I had no pain at the injection site, in fact 10 minutes after the injection, I couldn't even FIND the injection site http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif Naturally, it's not something I relish doing, but it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be.........

I met an old friend the other day who m/c at 14 weeks. She has 2 little boys and wants to have a 3rd. She has been trying for 2 months now and asked me the other day, "are you trying?" I say "yes, and that's understating it..." "Well it's been 2 months now, I think I'm going t see an RE, do you know anyone in this city" "Uh, I have seen all 3." I just think some people unless they are deep into the fert. treatment deal, don't get it...they underestimate how it feels, how it makes you crazy, how time stands STILL and 28 days seem like a lifetime. My question is, do you think people are mean/cruel or just don't have a flippin clue?? Basically, people REALLY trying should be talking with other people in the same boat. Or else, those that get pg easily or don't have to TTTRRRYYY to get pg cannot relate.

Some people, I think are well-meaning and just DON'T have any idea what it's like. They can't relate because they don't have that problem. Maybe there are things I can't relate to because I've never had a problem in that area. But I DO think there are rude people out there who don't CARE or don't want to acknowledge that this can be a very upsetting thing. Of course, I could be naive, giving people the benefit of the doubt, but I really do think there are people out there who just don't know. I personally don't want to educate them, but it would help http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif

My bestfriend who knows I am ttc, and everything I am going through, is pg with her second child. Her family is actually having a baby shower for her (for her second child !!! is that unusual?). Anyway, she invited me to it, and I am like, "when *%$# freezes over" (of course I didn't say that, I just ignored the invitation). I know she couldn't win, I'd probably be upset if she didn't invite me (although I don't think so), but at the same time, I couldn't believe she had the nerve to invite me. It is coming up next month, so if she says anything more to me about it, all you will hear http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif I want to be happy for her, but I am irritated because she is one of those people who thinks her little life is perfect. Her mother watches her baby while she works in a high-paid job, and then she wonders why I can't go on a cruise with her. It's like, maybe because I pay $800/month in child support, and am saving to pay $600/month in daycare!!! I just get frustrated when people who have their parents watch their child wonder why others don't have more children (totally off on a tangent here http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif)

It's a cruddy scenario. First you have to save a ton to do fert. treatment and my sis-n-law wonders why we can't just use savings for a 10 yr anniversary trip to St. something in the carribean (duh, my anniversary money is for a great big expensive present called IVF)My sis-n-law is one of those everything in her life is perfect and EASY kind of people. (She is the one who I have written about before who has to actively avoid getting pg each month because she is FERTILE MYRTLE. Then she gripes about her kids and always needs a break. I have to pray to God "give me the peace and love in my heart to smile and be a good person to her please". Sometimes it is really, really hard.

Thanks Katie for your response. Sounds like you are in the same situation with your sister-in-law. Good news for me is I can pick my friends, you can't pick your family (LOL)

Ok.. Here is a good one.. Tomorrow I am throwing a "baby shower" for my little sister.. It is so hard.. My mothers idea.. I do feel bad because I want to make her happy but she knows how hard I have been trying to get pg. The last thing I want to do is get excited about throwing her a party.. I love her don't get me wrong but It just hurts. Everytime I turn around someone is saying, "Don't worry, you will have one when the time is right." Gosh, what I wouldn't do to not hear that again. I hope I don't sound to selfish.. I don't mean to be..

Selfish? H&!!, you're a saint! I would have a VERY hard time throwing a shower (or even ATTENDING) a shower at this point. DH and I built a house last summer, and were happy to make friends with our new neighbors. The lady across the street had just adopted a baby boy (after 10 years ttc) and I was only too happy to go to her baby shower (somehow it didn't bother me, since I know she'd been through h&!! - how selfish is that?)Holy moly! When I got there, there were about 30 people there, and literally every woman of child bearing age had at least 2 small children with her. There were so many infants (and 3 under 1 year old with the same name!) that I was only able to stay about 20 minutes before I had to make an excuse and come home. I don't know how my poor neighbor managed to keep her sanity with all her friends and family having babies all the time!

Okay, so I ramble and I digress. The bottom line is I think your ability to even THINK about doing this for your sister is incredible. Don't beat yourself up for not being as happy and supportive as you might otherwise be if your situation were different. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif

Thanks.. DKnees..
I'm so glad I found this forum.. Finally able to talk to people who share a common problem.. So far I only know of one lady whom is bringing a child and I have a friend that is coming who is pg.. That will be a little rough.. But I'll get though.. Thanks for listening.. & I'll keep you in my prayers.. I pray often about the pg issue.. but somtimes I wonder if I am being punnished for some reason.. I know sounds crazy.. Baby dust your way!!

I am throwing a baby shower for my best friend tomorrow. We got pregnant around the same time (4 months apart) only I lost my baby and hers is due in 4 weeks. Talk about trying not to be selfish!

I can relate to what everyone has said about people not understanding and not feeling like you can be around people with babies. I have not been at this long enough to consider myself an expert, but I will tell you something that gets me through it. . .

At the hospital, just minutes after I found out I was having an ectopic, a cart rolled by with a newborn in it. The nurse looked at me with sad eyes and said, "Sorry." I told her not to apologize, because seeing a baby gives me hope. I lost a fallopian tube that day and a couple weeks later was told I probably had blockage in the other one. I had an HSG and found that miraculously, the tube appears normal. That doesn't mean I will get pregnant, it just means I could. So here I am, sitting on the fence between fertility and infertility and I gotta tell you. . . I've seen both sides. People who have had everything handed to them have no reason nor have they taken time to really search their souls and think about how lucky they are to have healthy children. You ladies have. And in the end, that will make you better moms. Whether it be naturally, with drugs, through IVF, or adoption, you can have a child of your own and give it all the love that right now is making you have these crazy feelings of jealousy and envy. You just need to believe in your goal and envision yourself on the day when you are lucky enough to be on their side of the fence. I know there are obstacles (money being a huge one for those who have tried everything else), but believe that you can conquer them and you will.

I write this as much for myself as I do for you. Here's hoping I can get through tomarrow without a whole lot of "That's so nice of you to do this for your friend and you're not having your baby. . .how do you do it?". Yes, people are obnoxious, but I think most mean well. People should think before they speak, but you can't make them!


[This message has been edited by CURIOUSCHICK (edited 03-07-2003).]

Curiouschick,

I know exactly what you are going through - Two years ago I found out I was pg and my sister had found out about two weeks prior. We were about 6 weeks apart. At 9 weeks, I lost my baby. The first words my sister said to me is "do you hate me" mine were "of course not, I wouldn't wish this on anyone and I hope you have a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby". This, however, did not mean that I wasn't jealous or envious that she would have a healthy baby to hold in 7 months and I wouldn't. We had always wanted to be pg together and it was very devistating to see her pg and me no.

I commend you on having the strength to throw the baby shower. I never threw one for my sister b/c I couldn't bare the pain that you are talking about going through tomorrow.

My prayers are with you and you are such a strong person you will make it through it just fine I am sure.

We are all here for you though.

Amy

I have just decided to look at this as a very personal thing and try not to imagine what it would be like to be someone else.

It was actually harder for me to handle my DH telling me last night that his best friend's wife is pregnant. Why? I think because she is more the type who will rub it in my face. She has very strong opinions about some of the things my doctors have done because she had an ectopic that was caught earlier than mine, and her tube was salvaged. Automatically, she's ready to suggest a lawsuit. Not everything in life can be blamed on someone else. Sometimes it just "is what it is".

My best friend has proven to me that she really is my best friend by being very sensitive to my sad feelings at a time when she must be overwhelmed with joy. The least I can do is return the favor by being there for her. I'll be needing her again in this TTC process. . . that's for sure.

I think it's the comments like "Are you OK?" or "Do you hate me?" that make me feel the worst coming from a mom or someone who is pregnant. I don't deal well with pity. I'd rather people say nothing than feel sorry for me. I find myself left wondering, "Should I be handling this differently?" Don't you hate it when people tell you how you should feel?

Life is 1% what happens to you and 99% how you deal with it. I'm not going to let this adventure tear me apart, because in the end I'm going to have to be strong person if I am to mother a child! Regardless of how that child is created or where he or she comes from!

CuriousChick, Dknees - I don't know how you ladies are doing this, throwing baby showers while ttc. You are incredible women and great friends / sisters. Good luck tomorrow, my prayers will be with you. Keep smiling, and just remember the next baby shower you go to will hopefully be your own http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif

Jody C -

You made me cry - but good crying! My baby shower will be the party of the century because everyone knows how badly I want this to happen for me and DH. I can't wait for that day!

I am throwing a baby shower for my little sister too on March 22nd. When she first told me she was pregnant, I was jealous and envious and I was in quite a mood for a couple days. Then I found out she conceived after her 6th cycle of clomid. That gave me great hope. However, even though my jealousy still sufaces from time to time, it's outwieghed by being with her.

I feel privleged to be able to host her shower. I have been blessed with a great family - 2 very involved parents, 2 onery by wonderful younger sisters, a very dh (and dear mother-in-law to boot), three beautiful nieces, and soon my first nephew. This baby shower will let my give back a little of all the support they have given my during my life.

My husband, family, and close friends remind me that even though I might not have a child, I've had numerous blessings in my life. And I'm trying very hard not to take them for granted.

My little sister now has pregnancy induced high blood pressure. The doctor is considering putting her in the hospital and giving her steriods to develop the baby's lungs faster. They just want her to get to 36 weeks (she's at 30 weeks now) and they'll induce labor.

I've been feeling very guilty about my jealousy now that her pregnancy has become high-risk for both her and the baby. So, I just remind myself (alot sometimes) that she is one of the good parts of my life and I need to do whatever I can for her.

This infertiltiy problem definatley pulls my feelings in a million different directions sometimes, and often leaves me emotionally drained. However, I enjoy reading and writing to this forum. It somehow organizes my thoughts, puts things in perspective, and refreshes me.

Well girls! Here's to baby showers! Hopefully, ours will be next!

Mindy

Hello, ladies.. Thanks for so many reply's.. I just had a chance to read them..
The shower went well.. I think I over did it a little.. It was really hard. I held my new niece for about 2 hours straight. That was probably one of the toughest things I have ever done. But I am very happy for her.

I'm going through something new.. Saturday night I started getting a feeling in my throat, the lower portion, Self-diagnosing myself as usual, I thought maybe it was indigestion or maybe even that acid reflux.. but the feeling was not that something was coming up.. So I ruled out acid reflux.. I took Medication Saturday night before I went to bed.. But I still have the uncomfortable feeling. It is as though I swollowed something, I am also struggling a little on breathing. I called the Doctor and my friends think I am having anxiety problems. Gosh, I can't imagine why? Ha ha.. Has anyone else ever had an anxiety attack?

Thanks for listening.. All of you are great!!

Sadie,

I've never had an anxiety attack, but I hope you're okay http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif You should do something for yourself to congratulate yourself on getting through the shower. Sounds like you're pretty tough!

Yes, your right.. I'm taking tomorrow off.. However, I teach High School kids with disabilities and it seems that every time I take off something happens.. But I need to. I just made a hair appointment. That should be a good start to a relaxing day. I hope. Thanks for the advice.
http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif SaDie

Things are so much easier with all of you around!!

Hi, girls--I've been reading your thread and can relate to all of what you've been saying--the baby showers (is EVERYONE pregnant but us??), the pity, and the goofy way people act around us.

I can't ask my mom or sister out to lunch anymore at certain times of the month. They keep thinking I'm gonna tell them I'm pregnant. Sorry to disappoint...

Last week, a good friend found out (unhappily and unexpectedly) that she was pregnant. They hadn't planned on having more...then they found out it was ectopic and were making the plans to terminate, or whatever term they use for that. Turns out-- get this--the lab read her test results wrong!! They read 11,000 instead of 1100 on whatever lab, which meant she wasnt as far as they thought, therefore it just wasn't visible yet--they almost terminated a normal pregnancy!! It makes me sick to think about it! Anyway--she's telling me she was afraid to let me know she was pg, like she was rubbing my nose in it. Geez--I'm not that self-centered! I just am happy about the miracle baby.

Then, another friend who had IVF last year (resulting in gorgeous twins) still has embryos left. We were discussing the cost of storing those for future use. I was alarmed to hear they probably wouldn't be "keeping" them, and they just couldn't bear the thought of someone else out there having "their" babies, so they would just destroy them. They'd rather get rid of them, than allow someone else to use them who couldn't produce them. I hope I'm not offending anyone, but its just in my belief system that those are human beings that have been created and there is a responsibility there. It upset me, and now I feel like even though she has gone through the infertility thing too, she's less of a resource for me...I think if I ever found out I could conceive, I'd keep having them while I could--why not have a housefull??

I know not everyone agrees with me on those issues, and that's fine, I'm just venting...

Sadie
Just noticed you were from Blue Springs! My best friend lives there and I live in KC!!! I think that is pretty cool that's all!!

Hello..
I took a day off yesterday.. I called it a "Mental Health Day". It was great. I tried not to think about anything.

Kateisboo - I'm glad to see that we are neighbors. It is nice to kknow I can talk to somone close, when needed. Very Cool .. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

Emster69 - I can relate.. I agree with everything you say.. Right now I would have an entire housefull if given the chance. You can vent anytime. That is what these boards are for.. The people in here are great and give wonderful advice.. Wishing you the best of luck!! http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/round.gif

http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif SaDie