skimps46
10-14-2008, 05:25 PM
I imagine this has been done before, but...
I don't figure I will ever get a chance to ever meet you all. Oh, how I wish we COULD all gather in Cabo for an all-inclusive week of sun, cabana boys and foo foo drinks with umbrellas in them, but...we have too many responsibilities - each one of us. But I double-love each of you, and want to feel like I know YOU, not just all that we all do. So, I was thinkin', how 'bout a proper introduction? And I will start:
My name is Deb, and I will be 54 in 10 days. I have a DH, 30 yr old daughter, 21 yr old son and 12 yr old son. Have one dog (a beagle) Maya, and a cat, Minga. Had another daughter that would be 31, but she passed in 1996. I take care of my father, who has dementia, and I am his full time caregiver. I USED to be a successful insurance agent, and loved my career. I love this one, too.
We live in Denver Colorado, where we moved from Oregon in 2002. We moved here because our daughter lived and worked here, and we all just missed each other too much to be apart. We moved dad here following mom's passing in 2004. Dad lives next door to us, and has a stupid fat dog, Mitzi. Oooooh, how that dog annoys me. Anyway, he is 82, and has no idea he's 82.
I am 5'3, carry a bit too much weight (a bit? Oh, how I DO go on...). I have red hair (thank you Clairol), still a lot of freckles, and my hobbies are cooking, baking, sewing, acrylic painting and gardening. I am active in my Church, and am currently working on a food drive to feed hungry families here in Denver.
So how 'bout it? I would love to make y'all's acquaintance....
...lil' deb
I don't figure I will ever get a chance to ever meet you all. Oh, how I wish we COULD all gather in Cabo for an all-inclusive week of sun, cabana boys and foo foo drinks with umbrellas in them, but...we have too many responsibilities - each one of us. But I double-love each of you, and want to feel like I know YOU, not just all that we all do. So, I was thinkin', how 'bout a proper introduction? And I will start:
My name is Deb, and I will be 54 in 10 days. I have a DH, 30 yr old daughter, 21 yr old son and 12 yr old son. Have one dog (a beagle) Maya, and a cat, Minga. Had another daughter that would be 31, but she passed in 1996. I take care of my father, who has dementia, and I am his full time caregiver. I USED to be a successful insurance agent, and loved my career. I love this one, too.
We live in Denver Colorado, where we moved from Oregon in 2002. We moved here because our daughter lived and worked here, and we all just missed each other too much to be apart. We moved dad here following mom's passing in 2004. Dad lives next door to us, and has a stupid fat dog, Mitzi. Oooooh, how that dog annoys me. Anyway, he is 82, and has no idea he's 82.
I am 5'3, carry a bit too much weight (a bit? Oh, how I DO go on...). I have red hair (thank you Clairol), still a lot of freckles, and my hobbies are cooking, baking, sewing, acrylic painting and gardening. I am active in my Church, and am currently working on a food drive to feed hungry families here in Denver.
So how 'bout it? I would love to make y'all's acquaintance....
...lil' deb
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sunnydaze1
10-14-2008, 07:30 PM
What a wonderful idea! Nice to meet ya, lil' deb!
I've been a stay-at-home mom; domestic goddess; whatever you'ld call it ;) since my first son was born in 1982. I worked part-time here and there; now and then during those years, but for the most part, my job is mom. I was very much a PTA mom and held the job as Treasurer of my kids' school...a big job as a volunteer, but, I have my Lifetime Member pin!
My name is Diane and I'm a strawberry-blonde (natural...with some gray hairs now) Oh well, I turned 53 two months ago so I suppose it's expected! ;) 5'2; hazel eyes; and pleasingly plump.
Married to hubby for almost 27 years; two sons age 26 and 21 who still live at home....and our Golden Retriever, Maggie, who is two. I call her my little girl! What can I say, she's the little girl I never had and helped me cope with my hysterectomy by just being my baby.
Most of my time these past 7-8 years have been tending to my mom; and her sister, my aunt, with their health related problems.
My mom is now in a nursing home with dementia. I'd say she's at stage 6 and seems to have leveled off...just have to keep her physically healthy.
My aunt will be going to the same facility for rehab from hip-replacement surgery in about two weeks. So I'll be running double duty over there. Luckily, she does not exhibit any dementia at her young age of 82. ;) Hopefully, I'll have her back in her own home within a few weeks and she can get back to her very active life.
Needless to say, being POA of them both and all the other stuff, can get overwhelming.
So, I will take my aunt to the surgeon tomorrow for consult; Thursday I see my mom and listen to another adventure of how she went here and there...she even goes to NYC in her travels! Amazing how the imagination works in a dementia patient.
That's enough about me for now! Anyone else? :)
I've been a stay-at-home mom; domestic goddess; whatever you'ld call it ;) since my first son was born in 1982. I worked part-time here and there; now and then during those years, but for the most part, my job is mom. I was very much a PTA mom and held the job as Treasurer of my kids' school...a big job as a volunteer, but, I have my Lifetime Member pin!
My name is Diane and I'm a strawberry-blonde (natural...with some gray hairs now) Oh well, I turned 53 two months ago so I suppose it's expected! ;) 5'2; hazel eyes; and pleasingly plump.
Married to hubby for almost 27 years; two sons age 26 and 21 who still live at home....and our Golden Retriever, Maggie, who is two. I call her my little girl! What can I say, she's the little girl I never had and helped me cope with my hysterectomy by just being my baby.
Most of my time these past 7-8 years have been tending to my mom; and her sister, my aunt, with their health related problems.
My mom is now in a nursing home with dementia. I'd say she's at stage 6 and seems to have leveled off...just have to keep her physically healthy.
My aunt will be going to the same facility for rehab from hip-replacement surgery in about two weeks. So I'll be running double duty over there. Luckily, she does not exhibit any dementia at her young age of 82. ;) Hopefully, I'll have her back in her own home within a few weeks and she can get back to her very active life.
Needless to say, being POA of them both and all the other stuff, can get overwhelming.
So, I will take my aunt to the surgeon tomorrow for consult; Thursday I see my mom and listen to another adventure of how she went here and there...she even goes to NYC in her travels! Amazing how the imagination works in a dementia patient.
That's enough about me for now! Anyone else? :)
carsam
10-14-2008, 08:48 PM
Hi Ladies,
I will take my turn now....I think this is a wonderful idea!
My name is Caroline, I am 39 years old. I have been married for 8 years, with a 4 year old son, and am currently expecting our second child. (I am 14 weeks along). I was born in Ireland where most of my family still lives, but we live in Toronto, Canada. I am an only child.....
I work full time, have worked in the same Marketing job since I was 17 years old. Would love to be a "domestic goddess" as Sunny calls it (I love that).....but sadly, I would have to win that big old lottery!!!
I come to this board in support of my grandmother who has dementia, and is in late stages. She is 95 years young. I come for support for my Uncle who is her sole caregiver, god bless him, and for my mom who desperately tries to do all she can from a long distance.
I am 5'5......strawberry blonde hair.......and my weight well lets just say I'm pregnant, so for the next 6 months it cant be held against me! ;)
For my past 7 or 8 years......since I turned 30, I have seen alot of illness and death in my family. It's been a rough road, but I'm struggling to rise above it and look to the future since I am about to bring another little life into the world.
I dont really have any hobbies.....I like to shop of course (I'm a female).....I like to cook, unfortunately for my family as just because I "like" to cook, doesnt mean I'm good at it! I like to read when I have a chance, and I love to travel with my family and get away from the "routines" of life.
That's about it for me girls......
Love, Caroline xo.
P.S. Dearest Deb.....I had no idea you had lost a daughter.....I am very sorry....((((big hugs))))))
I will take my turn now....I think this is a wonderful idea!
My name is Caroline, I am 39 years old. I have been married for 8 years, with a 4 year old son, and am currently expecting our second child. (I am 14 weeks along). I was born in Ireland where most of my family still lives, but we live in Toronto, Canada. I am an only child.....
I work full time, have worked in the same Marketing job since I was 17 years old. Would love to be a "domestic goddess" as Sunny calls it (I love that).....but sadly, I would have to win that big old lottery!!!
I come to this board in support of my grandmother who has dementia, and is in late stages. She is 95 years young. I come for support for my Uncle who is her sole caregiver, god bless him, and for my mom who desperately tries to do all she can from a long distance.
I am 5'5......strawberry blonde hair.......and my weight well lets just say I'm pregnant, so for the next 6 months it cant be held against me! ;)
For my past 7 or 8 years......since I turned 30, I have seen alot of illness and death in my family. It's been a rough road, but I'm struggling to rise above it and look to the future since I am about to bring another little life into the world.
I dont really have any hobbies.....I like to shop of course (I'm a female).....I like to cook, unfortunately for my family as just because I "like" to cook, doesnt mean I'm good at it! I like to read when I have a chance, and I love to travel with my family and get away from the "routines" of life.
That's about it for me girls......
Love, Caroline xo.
P.S. Dearest Deb.....I had no idea you had lost a daughter.....I am very sorry....((((big hugs))))))
DGabriel10
10-14-2008, 09:04 PM
Great idea little deb......
My name is also Deb. I am well into 57 and loving it. I have light brown/blond/gray hair and it's natural. I am 5'6 and weigh 65 pounds less than I did a year ago. I have just finished donating all my old clothes and replacing them with size.. 10!!! Yes, I am proud of myself and ride my bicycle as often as possible to keep me this way. I have been married for 35 years to the same engineer and have a 28 year old daughter that is the light of my life. She is a senior in college (better late than never) and supporting herself while she does it. My only disappointment is that she decided to do it 5 hours from home. She has a long time boyfriend of over 5 years and I think it's permanent without the paperwork.
I have three sisters, some of which drive me nuts at times. There are 5 nieces (three married), and now 3 great nieces and nephews to love.
I have always lived in NC and spent four wonderful years at NCSU. I spent 7 years working in HR until my daughter was born and we moved to the Charlotte area. When my daughter was 3 I started working in a long term care facility as Assistant Admin/Social Worker/Financials/Peronnel/ anything else that came up. It was a new facility with 100 nursing/rest home beds including an ALZ unit and 30 apartments. When my daughter was in 2nd grade she was diagnosed ADHD. I could not work 24/7 with all the responsibility I had and do what was right for her so I went part time at LTC. My hours reduced to 40+ so I eventually found my replacements and left. One of my good friends was a teacher and she talked me into subbing for her class while she went on a trip. Once signed up I was hooked. I spent the next 13 years subbing in all subjects in all grades but ended up mainly at the high school. During that time I spent years working daily with the high school marching band as well.... being an old band nerd myself. I was VP and fund raising chairman for the junior high and marching band fund raising chairman as well. I enjoyed every minute of it. As Dad and then Mom became progressively worse, and my daughter ventured into other areas of her life, I worked less and less until I left for good not long before Mom was diagnosed. Now I just ride the roads between here, Mom and Dad, and my daughter's. I also take care of all Mom and Dad's financials, insurance, taxes, etc... including the farm that Mom has with her sister, their home and their mountain cabin.
About the same time Mom was diagnosed my FIL fell over his walker petting the cat he had just stepped on, toppled over head first into the dresser, and broke his neck. He spent about a year in the hospital/rehab with a halo brace and PT but he is back home. Hubby was astounded the last time he visited his parents because his Mom didn't remember his previous visit. Yep, here we go again....
I love my bicycle and swimming in my friend pool, enjoy reading and music, and I am addicted to my computer and the friendships I have developed here. I enjoy working outside in my flowers, my koi pond, and mowing our acres. I put up lots of food in the summer. I love hummingbirds and feed them right outside of my window so I can watch them. I have a best friend, the kind you talk to several times each day, and we try our best to keep each other semi sane. When I have the time I enjoy sewing, smocking, and other crafty things.
That's more than I intended to write so I am going to stop.... :)
Next!!
Love..... deb
My name is also Deb. I am well into 57 and loving it. I have light brown/blond/gray hair and it's natural. I am 5'6 and weigh 65 pounds less than I did a year ago. I have just finished donating all my old clothes and replacing them with size.. 10!!! Yes, I am proud of myself and ride my bicycle as often as possible to keep me this way. I have been married for 35 years to the same engineer and have a 28 year old daughter that is the light of my life. She is a senior in college (better late than never) and supporting herself while she does it. My only disappointment is that she decided to do it 5 hours from home. She has a long time boyfriend of over 5 years and I think it's permanent without the paperwork.
I have three sisters, some of which drive me nuts at times. There are 5 nieces (three married), and now 3 great nieces and nephews to love.
I have always lived in NC and spent four wonderful years at NCSU. I spent 7 years working in HR until my daughter was born and we moved to the Charlotte area. When my daughter was 3 I started working in a long term care facility as Assistant Admin/Social Worker/Financials/Peronnel/ anything else that came up. It was a new facility with 100 nursing/rest home beds including an ALZ unit and 30 apartments. When my daughter was in 2nd grade she was diagnosed ADHD. I could not work 24/7 with all the responsibility I had and do what was right for her so I went part time at LTC. My hours reduced to 40+ so I eventually found my replacements and left. One of my good friends was a teacher and she talked me into subbing for her class while she went on a trip. Once signed up I was hooked. I spent the next 13 years subbing in all subjects in all grades but ended up mainly at the high school. During that time I spent years working daily with the high school marching band as well.... being an old band nerd myself. I was VP and fund raising chairman for the junior high and marching band fund raising chairman as well. I enjoyed every minute of it. As Dad and then Mom became progressively worse, and my daughter ventured into other areas of her life, I worked less and less until I left for good not long before Mom was diagnosed. Now I just ride the roads between here, Mom and Dad, and my daughter's. I also take care of all Mom and Dad's financials, insurance, taxes, etc... including the farm that Mom has with her sister, their home and their mountain cabin.
About the same time Mom was diagnosed my FIL fell over his walker petting the cat he had just stepped on, toppled over head first into the dresser, and broke his neck. He spent about a year in the hospital/rehab with a halo brace and PT but he is back home. Hubby was astounded the last time he visited his parents because his Mom didn't remember his previous visit. Yep, here we go again....
I love my bicycle and swimming in my friend pool, enjoy reading and music, and I am addicted to my computer and the friendships I have developed here. I enjoy working outside in my flowers, my koi pond, and mowing our acres. I put up lots of food in the summer. I love hummingbirds and feed them right outside of my window so I can watch them. I have a best friend, the kind you talk to several times each day, and we try our best to keep each other semi sane. When I have the time I enjoy sewing, smocking, and other crafty things.
That's more than I intended to write so I am going to stop.... :)
Next!!
Love..... deb
skimps46
10-14-2008, 10:29 PM
Oh my gosh! I had no idea that this would be this terRIFfic!
I am might glad to make y'all's acquaintance!
I think that we all (ok, maybe it's just me) get all wound up in what we DO - and for all of us, that is a lot - and we forget that we are human beings, women, and individuals. I wanted to bring that all out - for MY benefit (cuz I wanted to know you), and for our individual benefits.
Deb - I know you are a wise and generous woman - but I never knew you had a Koi pond! How wonderful is THAT?
carsam - I didn't know you worked in Marketing! How interesting! And do you know the sex of baby #2 yet? (Just whisper - no one will hear...)
Sunny - You work with TWO ALZ dementia patients? Good grief. You are superhuman!
And I would like to think that I can address you all by name now. But my memory fails me waaay too often.
It's nice to know about stuff that makes you all tick. And again...
*deb shakes hands all the way around * Nice to Meetcha!
NEXT!!!
...lil' deb
I am might glad to make y'all's acquaintance!
I think that we all (ok, maybe it's just me) get all wound up in what we DO - and for all of us, that is a lot - and we forget that we are human beings, women, and individuals. I wanted to bring that all out - for MY benefit (cuz I wanted to know you), and for our individual benefits.
Deb - I know you are a wise and generous woman - but I never knew you had a Koi pond! How wonderful is THAT?
carsam - I didn't know you worked in Marketing! How interesting! And do you know the sex of baby #2 yet? (Just whisper - no one will hear...)
Sunny - You work with TWO ALZ dementia patients? Good grief. You are superhuman!
And I would like to think that I can address you all by name now. But my memory fails me waaay too often.
It's nice to know about stuff that makes you all tick. And again...
*deb shakes hands all the way around * Nice to Meetcha!
NEXT!!!
...lil' deb
polina
10-14-2008, 10:29 PM
Aloha,
About five years ago my life became different in so many ways. I had a major change in my work and personal life. I made a decision to change careers and at the same time I chose that, the long term realtionship I was in decided he no longer wanted to be in the realtionship. I found myself in a new job, new home and broken hearted. I am currently working in the Medical Field. I had been in the Early Childhood Field for 27 years. I was the Director of a preschool in the Boston area. Loved what I was doing but reached a point in my life where I felt I needed to experience some thing different. I am currently working at a hospital in the suburbs of the Boston area. I work in the Admitting Dept. I have been there now for 5years and not so sure it is what I want to do the rest of my life. I am 53 years old and still searching for the career/job that I can feel passionate about like when I worked with the children in preschool. I will let you know when I find it? I moved back into my parents home four years ago when I found things here were getting very difficult and overwhelming for my Dad taking care of Mom all alone.
When I am not working I spend most of my time taking care of the day to day things here for Mom and Dad. Yard work, Home projects, I just finished staining the deck this weekend. I love to keep moving with some type of project going on. I used to be a big reader. I find now I am more apt to come home and turn on my computer as opposed to reading like I used to. I love to visit my younger brother and his family out in a town called Loveland, Ohio. He moved out there about 5years. He has two children Logan & Chloe 2 and 4 years old. I also love to travel. My ex and I used to go to Hawaii every year for our vacation. It was my favorite place in the world. I haven't been there for over 5 years now. I do go to Maine every year. I generally travel with my niece who lives near by. She is 17 recently got a boyfriend so I bet I will loose my traveling companion soon!! I am also a big runner I have been a runner from way back even though I don't run the miles I used to 6 miles a day 5 days a week. I am still so thankful I can do the 3miles I do every night. I have a favorite place I run its called Jamaica Pond. It is a paved walkway that is a mile and half around a very pituresque pond. Its my santuary away from all the home stuff that goes on. I still every day no matter what, come home change from my work clothes to my running shoes and step out and love it every time.
Glad to be part of this wonderful board and great people.
Love Pauline
About five years ago my life became different in so many ways. I had a major change in my work and personal life. I made a decision to change careers and at the same time I chose that, the long term realtionship I was in decided he no longer wanted to be in the realtionship. I found myself in a new job, new home and broken hearted. I am currently working in the Medical Field. I had been in the Early Childhood Field for 27 years. I was the Director of a preschool in the Boston area. Loved what I was doing but reached a point in my life where I felt I needed to experience some thing different. I am currently working at a hospital in the suburbs of the Boston area. I work in the Admitting Dept. I have been there now for 5years and not so sure it is what I want to do the rest of my life. I am 53 years old and still searching for the career/job that I can feel passionate about like when I worked with the children in preschool. I will let you know when I find it? I moved back into my parents home four years ago when I found things here were getting very difficult and overwhelming for my Dad taking care of Mom all alone.
When I am not working I spend most of my time taking care of the day to day things here for Mom and Dad. Yard work, Home projects, I just finished staining the deck this weekend. I love to keep moving with some type of project going on. I used to be a big reader. I find now I am more apt to come home and turn on my computer as opposed to reading like I used to. I love to visit my younger brother and his family out in a town called Loveland, Ohio. He moved out there about 5years. He has two children Logan & Chloe 2 and 4 years old. I also love to travel. My ex and I used to go to Hawaii every year for our vacation. It was my favorite place in the world. I haven't been there for over 5 years now. I do go to Maine every year. I generally travel with my niece who lives near by. She is 17 recently got a boyfriend so I bet I will loose my traveling companion soon!! I am also a big runner I have been a runner from way back even though I don't run the miles I used to 6 miles a day 5 days a week. I am still so thankful I can do the 3miles I do every night. I have a favorite place I run its called Jamaica Pond. It is a paved walkway that is a mile and half around a very pituresque pond. Its my santuary away from all the home stuff that goes on. I still every day no matter what, come home change from my work clothes to my running shoes and step out and love it every time.
Glad to be part of this wonderful board and great people.
Love Pauline
Martha H
10-15-2008, 07:49 AM
I have to condense this, it's far too complicated. I am 69 years old, yes, going for that big Seven Oh in March!
I escaped from an abusive and adulterous husband 8 years ago. We had been married 36years.
My grown children, 2 boys and a girl, are all in their 30s. I have 3 grandchildren so far, and with the younger son getting married on March 7 there could soon be more. I also lost one daughter in a late miscarriage. I have a sister who has been difficult in her perceptions of Mom and who blamed me for most of Mom's dementia symptoms. I also have a wonderful brother who has been a rock for me in all the changes I went through.
When I left my husband, I moved from a tiny village in West Germany to New York City, my home town, and moved in with my Mom in her small apartment in Queens. At that time she was 91 and I was 61. Not getting any support from my ex, I found jobs,(teaching 2nd grade, then teacher in a pre school, then teacher/director of that preschool), got a NY drivers license (the German one was not recognized, I had to take a written test and a road test!) and took care of Mom. She was already getting forgetful, but no one called it Alzheimer's .. everyone thought, well she is OLD!
After a short hospital stay for heart failure she was put on 6 drugs and within 3 months was totally confused. I stayed with her for 5 years, working and being her caregiver. In June 2000 my brother took over her care and I retired from teaching and came to Indiana to live near my daughter and her 2 boys.
I love to read, attend book discussions at the library, knit, do needlepoint, walk, swim. I go to Curves for exercise. I have a close circle of neighbors and friends here in this 20 apartment complex; we are having a block party this Saturday. I go to church, sometimes teach Sunday School, mind the grandsons at least once a week (6 and 8 yrs old), go for long walks in a nearby park/forest which I can see from my LR sliding door, and I ride around town on an adult 3 wheel bicycle.
I love my life and am very happy. I thank God every day for all my blessings. After Mom died she left a sign here in my apartment letting me know she is alive and well on the other side. It was a red feather I found on a doll I had named after her.
Love,
Martha
I escaped from an abusive and adulterous husband 8 years ago. We had been married 36years.
My grown children, 2 boys and a girl, are all in their 30s. I have 3 grandchildren so far, and with the younger son getting married on March 7 there could soon be more. I also lost one daughter in a late miscarriage. I have a sister who has been difficult in her perceptions of Mom and who blamed me for most of Mom's dementia symptoms. I also have a wonderful brother who has been a rock for me in all the changes I went through.
When I left my husband, I moved from a tiny village in West Germany to New York City, my home town, and moved in with my Mom in her small apartment in Queens. At that time she was 91 and I was 61. Not getting any support from my ex, I found jobs,(teaching 2nd grade, then teacher in a pre school, then teacher/director of that preschool), got a NY drivers license (the German one was not recognized, I had to take a written test and a road test!) and took care of Mom. She was already getting forgetful, but no one called it Alzheimer's .. everyone thought, well she is OLD!
After a short hospital stay for heart failure she was put on 6 drugs and within 3 months was totally confused. I stayed with her for 5 years, working and being her caregiver. In June 2000 my brother took over her care and I retired from teaching and came to Indiana to live near my daughter and her 2 boys.
I love to read, attend book discussions at the library, knit, do needlepoint, walk, swim. I go to Curves for exercise. I have a close circle of neighbors and friends here in this 20 apartment complex; we are having a block party this Saturday. I go to church, sometimes teach Sunday School, mind the grandsons at least once a week (6 and 8 yrs old), go for long walks in a nearby park/forest which I can see from my LR sliding door, and I ride around town on an adult 3 wheel bicycle.
I love my life and am very happy. I thank God every day for all my blessings. After Mom died she left a sign here in my apartment letting me know she is alive and well on the other side. It was a red feather I found on a doll I had named after her.
Love,
Martha
ibake&pray
10-15-2008, 02:23 PM
Well, it must be my turn now that I'm back.
I have a real name- Jill Michelle...
I lost my father one year ago to Vascular dementia with an aortic abdominal anuerism. He was in the same ward as Mom due to an evil head nurse who didn't like patients who caused any work so she moved Dad into the locked ward where Mom was. They were in the same room when the anuerism burst. Daddy died sitting in his wheel chair looking at the woman he had married 65 years ago, the love of his life..
In two weeks it will be the one year anniversary of my mothers passing to this horrid disease that left me an orphan. When we buried Dad I came back to the home and told her that daddy had passed and she just looked at me and said "no no nooooooooooooooo." and rocked back and forth. She knew. The staff put her on a 3 week mercy watch as they call it. She was quiet and withdrawn but seemed to be coming round. No, she was just deciding when she was going to join Dad...So, now I am an orphan-having been an only child.
I have been married to the same wonderful stubborn man for 35 years. We have two phenominal sons who have given me the 2 daughters that I waited so long for. We have one delightful grandson that is named after my father. The little one belongs to my youngest son-the one who isn't talking to me and wants no nuts in his baked goods..the child who has been 45 since the day he was born....
Our oldest son, is in the Navy and is the lead trumpet player for the 7th Fleet Band stationed in Youkouska (spelling needed here!)Japan, for three years. When Daddy passed, Collin played taps at his funeral. This is the son that looks like my dad and walks like him. and thought the sun rose and set in him. How he managed to do it is beyond me.
I am 5'9" tall and am the lucky recipent of two 15' titanium rods and 20 screws in my back after back surgery that went awry. What started off as having three discs replaced ended up with a broken back that the staff got me up to walk with for a week because they didn't listen to me. Surgeon out of town so the fact that I was dragging my leg and the pain was off the chart didn't matter. When the surgeon came back into town and heard my tale of woe he turned a funny shade of pale, took an xray, found the broken back...and the rest as they say, is history. So I am now fused from T9-which is about mid shoulder blade to my sacrum. I don't bend but I do live with pain for the rest of my life. What a treat! Oh, and I set off alarms at airports. but not all airports. This has definetely put a crimp in my life! but I have such good posture now. snicker snicker..I keep my weight down because of the back surgery and the metal in there.
I am 3 years into a 4 year therapy program to see if I can regain full use of my left leg. I have a wonderful walker named Ella-you can get anything a la cart.(get it?) Ella and I go every where. If this walker got frequent flyer miles she would have a free ticket by now with all the trips I made home to Mom and Dad before they passed..I am a conneseur of nerve pain medicine and have a wonderful stoic face.Most of you wouldn't know how bad the pain is unless you can read winces in eyes. I've learned to control my reactions to the nerve pain and aches reaaaallllllllllllll goooodddd!
I am an EA to a Deputy Director who has four managers that work for him who have a total of 66 people under them. So, at the moment, I have 70 people that I support, which makes me very busy and most days I'm lucky to see the bathroom only in passing. Right now we are hiring like crazy and I can't keep up. I am the "floor mom" to the masses on top of being the corporate history for the oraganization. I adore my boss, and the feeling is mutual which is a great way to work. And he's gotten over the shock of seeing me lay on the floor to rest my back so we do well together.
DEB, I knew we were sisters. I was head chaperone for the HS band for two years while the boys were active. The kids loved being on our bus cause we were the best chaperones. I also sewed for the guard. From the flags to the plazzo pants to body suits to marrimbo covers..DH says my forehead flashes sucker in neon colors..... I adored that gig more than any others. but even volunteers have to retire from that! We also ran the concession stand for 7 years grossing 17K for 11 hours of work 1 Saturday a year when the band hosted a band cometition. Oh the agony and the pain......
I bake for recreation and for relaxation and for stress reduction.I bake for fun and to give away and to play and for oh-I don't know why. I guess cause my mother did. She taught me with love and pride. She ran 161 bakeries in 11 states and didn't start that career until after I went to college!
I enjoy crafts and hand stuff and sewing and being home. I'm bossy and have a temper that has taken years for me to learn to control. I have two dear, dear friends who I met when we moved to Virginia. Oh I guess I should have told you that I'm a military wife, Hubby is a 20 year career AF officer. We got duimped here in VA because he was stationed at the Pentagon as his last assignment of his career. We have lived alot of places that we don't want to go back to! LOL Isn't it funny that something that was the main focus of my life should enter in so far down in my explanation? We lived in Germany for three years-got our oldest son there from three bottles of wine! Spent time in AZ, TX, NC,FL,southern VA..moved every 3 years...I was responsible for nailing down our roots and up our pictures...Hubby was in the Pentagon the day before 9 11 and his office was hit....
My eyes are blue and my hair is auburn with golden highlight that help cover the silver brought on by meds..and oh- I'm only 24. Mom said she never regreted being pregnant with me 21 years ago and that was three years ago so that makes me 24, right? My oldest rolls his eyes and my youngest just argues with me... I'm actually let's see, I was born in Feb. of 1951, that 2008 take away 1951...that means I'm 57. right? What really bothers me is that my oldest is 30. How he got that old is beyond me...
I believe in angels and I know my parents are watching over the grandson. It's why daddy passed so soon after we found the AAA. He has kept that little one from falling waaay too many times already not to be there for him. Our DIL is fey and has smelled Mom's perfume in the nursery and has felt her brush by the crib. So I know they are close by. But dear Lord I miss them so much. I feel that if I can help just one of you stop chasing those bunnies, then my pain will not have been in vain.
Nice meeting you. I''m rather shy and retiring, in case you can't tell....;)
I have a real name- Jill Michelle...
I lost my father one year ago to Vascular dementia with an aortic abdominal anuerism. He was in the same ward as Mom due to an evil head nurse who didn't like patients who caused any work so she moved Dad into the locked ward where Mom was. They were in the same room when the anuerism burst. Daddy died sitting in his wheel chair looking at the woman he had married 65 years ago, the love of his life..
In two weeks it will be the one year anniversary of my mothers passing to this horrid disease that left me an orphan. When we buried Dad I came back to the home and told her that daddy had passed and she just looked at me and said "no no nooooooooooooooo." and rocked back and forth. She knew. The staff put her on a 3 week mercy watch as they call it. She was quiet and withdrawn but seemed to be coming round. No, she was just deciding when she was going to join Dad...So, now I am an orphan-having been an only child.
I have been married to the same wonderful stubborn man for 35 years. We have two phenominal sons who have given me the 2 daughters that I waited so long for. We have one delightful grandson that is named after my father. The little one belongs to my youngest son-the one who isn't talking to me and wants no nuts in his baked goods..the child who has been 45 since the day he was born....
Our oldest son, is in the Navy and is the lead trumpet player for the 7th Fleet Band stationed in Youkouska (spelling needed here!)Japan, for three years. When Daddy passed, Collin played taps at his funeral. This is the son that looks like my dad and walks like him. and thought the sun rose and set in him. How he managed to do it is beyond me.
I am 5'9" tall and am the lucky recipent of two 15' titanium rods and 20 screws in my back after back surgery that went awry. What started off as having three discs replaced ended up with a broken back that the staff got me up to walk with for a week because they didn't listen to me. Surgeon out of town so the fact that I was dragging my leg and the pain was off the chart didn't matter. When the surgeon came back into town and heard my tale of woe he turned a funny shade of pale, took an xray, found the broken back...and the rest as they say, is history. So I am now fused from T9-which is about mid shoulder blade to my sacrum. I don't bend but I do live with pain for the rest of my life. What a treat! Oh, and I set off alarms at airports. but not all airports. This has definetely put a crimp in my life! but I have such good posture now. snicker snicker..I keep my weight down because of the back surgery and the metal in there.
I am 3 years into a 4 year therapy program to see if I can regain full use of my left leg. I have a wonderful walker named Ella-you can get anything a la cart.(get it?) Ella and I go every where. If this walker got frequent flyer miles she would have a free ticket by now with all the trips I made home to Mom and Dad before they passed..I am a conneseur of nerve pain medicine and have a wonderful stoic face.Most of you wouldn't know how bad the pain is unless you can read winces in eyes. I've learned to control my reactions to the nerve pain and aches reaaaallllllllllllll goooodddd!
I am an EA to a Deputy Director who has four managers that work for him who have a total of 66 people under them. So, at the moment, I have 70 people that I support, which makes me very busy and most days I'm lucky to see the bathroom only in passing. Right now we are hiring like crazy and I can't keep up. I am the "floor mom" to the masses on top of being the corporate history for the oraganization. I adore my boss, and the feeling is mutual which is a great way to work. And he's gotten over the shock of seeing me lay on the floor to rest my back so we do well together.
DEB, I knew we were sisters. I was head chaperone for the HS band for two years while the boys were active. The kids loved being on our bus cause we were the best chaperones. I also sewed for the guard. From the flags to the plazzo pants to body suits to marrimbo covers..DH says my forehead flashes sucker in neon colors..... I adored that gig more than any others. but even volunteers have to retire from that! We also ran the concession stand for 7 years grossing 17K for 11 hours of work 1 Saturday a year when the band hosted a band cometition. Oh the agony and the pain......
I bake for recreation and for relaxation and for stress reduction.I bake for fun and to give away and to play and for oh-I don't know why. I guess cause my mother did. She taught me with love and pride. She ran 161 bakeries in 11 states and didn't start that career until after I went to college!
I enjoy crafts and hand stuff and sewing and being home. I'm bossy and have a temper that has taken years for me to learn to control. I have two dear, dear friends who I met when we moved to Virginia. Oh I guess I should have told you that I'm a military wife, Hubby is a 20 year career AF officer. We got duimped here in VA because he was stationed at the Pentagon as his last assignment of his career. We have lived alot of places that we don't want to go back to! LOL Isn't it funny that something that was the main focus of my life should enter in so far down in my explanation? We lived in Germany for three years-got our oldest son there from three bottles of wine! Spent time in AZ, TX, NC,FL,southern VA..moved every 3 years...I was responsible for nailing down our roots and up our pictures...Hubby was in the Pentagon the day before 9 11 and his office was hit....
My eyes are blue and my hair is auburn with golden highlight that help cover the silver brought on by meds..and oh- I'm only 24. Mom said she never regreted being pregnant with me 21 years ago and that was three years ago so that makes me 24, right? My oldest rolls his eyes and my youngest just argues with me... I'm actually let's see, I was born in Feb. of 1951, that 2008 take away 1951...that means I'm 57. right? What really bothers me is that my oldest is 30. How he got that old is beyond me...
I believe in angels and I know my parents are watching over the grandson. It's why daddy passed so soon after we found the AAA. He has kept that little one from falling waaay too many times already not to be there for him. Our DIL is fey and has smelled Mom's perfume in the nursery and has felt her brush by the crib. So I know they are close by. But dear Lord I miss them so much. I feel that if I can help just one of you stop chasing those bunnies, then my pain will not have been in vain.
Nice meeting you. I''m rather shy and retiring, in case you can't tell....;)
flyingcuda72
10-15-2008, 04:38 PM
hello all, i am new to the forum. it is nice to find a place to learn share and vent. i am 40 years old, i live in canada. my role on this lovely planet is...daughter, wife, mother, grandmother and now co-caregiver to my in-laws. my father in law showed signs of this nasty life robbing from all involved disease a few years ago, unfortunatly we all thought it was just age..he was self employed until about two years ago. he will be 87 in december. we only caught a clue last year...not sure if we were all in denial or just didnt know enough about it. i have a 22 year old daughter who will be making me a granny for the third time in a couple of months. i also have three children at home still....12,10 and 9. we moved my in laws in last year. what a ride it has been!!! i wont go into any of the stories just yet...maybe i'll do it in spurts. it shames me to say that i am only now getting back to the caring, understanding and tolerant kind human being i used to be. it has been a very hard ordeal to walk through. i felt like the situation was robbing me of my family... i had to spend too much time and energy on dad in law and wasn't able to be the full time mom to my kids. but somehow along the way i realised that this was an opportunity for me to show my kids the valuable traits that would make them be better adults..such as patience, understanding, a strong sence of family and so much more. they will see that you don't just walk away from family when things get unbearable. i know there will come a time when we will have hit the point where we will not be equipped physically to be able to provide the best care for him, so until that time comes we will continue to strive for those happy moments that appear after so many bad ones. unfortunatly i did not choose this life...it chose me, i don't know if i will ever hit the point where i will not complain or whine about it but i can certainly aim for it. the thing that does get me through the rough times is remembering that this has to be 100 times harder for my husband and his mom. to all of you who have been chosen for this task and feel that you are not strong enough...remember you were chosen for a reason to take care of and be given the few precious moments of these souls lives. there may not be a plaque or heros welcome at the end...but i have to believe that the heart is much stronger than we can ever understand, and that these once loving caring parents who would stop at nothing to protect and raise us, will know it in their hearts, and when they move on to the next journey, they will have that as their power to move on. wow..it's amazing..kinda like shopping...you only meant to pick up a few things but leave with a cart full! i only meant to say a few words. be kind to yourselves and remember...you are filling someone's heart!
Drews Gram
10-15-2008, 06:25 PM
OK ladies here I go.
I've been married for 42 years. We got married while I was still in high school. My sweetie was headed to Viet Nam and so of course being young and in love we got married. Can't imagine how Mom let me do that?? Different times then. We lived in California until my hubbys time was up. He was and still is a Marine. You know the saying, Once a Marine, always a Marine. Anyway we came back home. Just across the river from St. Louis. We live "on the bluffs". as its called. Our first son passed soon after birth. We have a son who is 39 and our daughter is 35. Can't believe that time has passed so quickly. Good kids. If I do say so myself. ......Three grandbabies that we completely adore. We are still in love. Don't ask me how we survived being married so young? Hard work and patience. So if you do the math I'm 59 and holding.....
I have two sisters that I'm very close to. Of course my Mom. Lots of neices and nephews. We are a close family. I've been a caregiver most of my adult life. We owned a day care. Sold it. We owned alot of rental houses and apartments. Sold them. My back is shot and I'm tired of working too hard. My hubby is taking an early retirement in December. He has earned his rest. I loved to "flip houses". Loved to do all of the old woodwork. Can't do that any longer.
We have a lake house that we escape to whenever possible. My sisters and 4 of our friends have places there also. Good times. We've had it for 20 years. We took our motorcycle there. No more. We now have a golf cart. I loved our sea-doo. No more. Now I love our pontoon. Are you getting the picture?? We just look at each other and laugh. Our husbands actually race golf carts now.......how sad. LOL
I love to read. I love to crochet. I can no longer work in the yard with my flowers. Like I said my back is shot. I'm 5'3" and I'd love to lose 10 pounds. Green eyes, brown hair (golden highlights) to hide my gray of course. I'm soft hearted, good daughter, wife, mother, sister, friend and last but not least I'm a good grandma.
Mom raised us by herself so we didn't have much. She went without to give to us. I think thats why I appreciate what I have now. We built our home here and we love it. We finished our basement two years ago and thats where all of the family gatherings are held. Now why did I do that??? Just kidding. Christmas is huge. I love that time of year.
I could go on and on. But thats me ladies. So far at least.
Love to all, ;) I love this thread.
Chris
I've been married for 42 years. We got married while I was still in high school. My sweetie was headed to Viet Nam and so of course being young and in love we got married. Can't imagine how Mom let me do that?? Different times then. We lived in California until my hubbys time was up. He was and still is a Marine. You know the saying, Once a Marine, always a Marine. Anyway we came back home. Just across the river from St. Louis. We live "on the bluffs". as its called. Our first son passed soon after birth. We have a son who is 39 and our daughter is 35. Can't believe that time has passed so quickly. Good kids. If I do say so myself. ......Three grandbabies that we completely adore. We are still in love. Don't ask me how we survived being married so young? Hard work and patience. So if you do the math I'm 59 and holding.....
I have two sisters that I'm very close to. Of course my Mom. Lots of neices and nephews. We are a close family. I've been a caregiver most of my adult life. We owned a day care. Sold it. We owned alot of rental houses and apartments. Sold them. My back is shot and I'm tired of working too hard. My hubby is taking an early retirement in December. He has earned his rest. I loved to "flip houses". Loved to do all of the old woodwork. Can't do that any longer.
We have a lake house that we escape to whenever possible. My sisters and 4 of our friends have places there also. Good times. We've had it for 20 years. We took our motorcycle there. No more. We now have a golf cart. I loved our sea-doo. No more. Now I love our pontoon. Are you getting the picture?? We just look at each other and laugh. Our husbands actually race golf carts now.......how sad. LOL
I love to read. I love to crochet. I can no longer work in the yard with my flowers. Like I said my back is shot. I'm 5'3" and I'd love to lose 10 pounds. Green eyes, brown hair (golden highlights) to hide my gray of course. I'm soft hearted, good daughter, wife, mother, sister, friend and last but not least I'm a good grandma.
Mom raised us by herself so we didn't have much. She went without to give to us. I think thats why I appreciate what I have now. We built our home here and we love it. We finished our basement two years ago and thats where all of the family gatherings are held. Now why did I do that??? Just kidding. Christmas is huge. I love that time of year.
I could go on and on. But thats me ladies. So far at least.
Love to all, ;) I love this thread.
Chris
carsam
10-15-2008, 07:48 PM
Ladies,
I just wanted to say how much I am so much enjoying reading this thread.
Lil Deb....thanks so much for starting this. I have been talking with you ladies for a long time now.....and really feel now I know so much more about you all. This thread is like a good book....every time one of you posts...I cant wait to read your story. In doing so, in all you've all gone through, I see what makes you the wonderful women you are today!!! I think I will come back to this thread often and reread it.....
I am so blessed to have met you all.....
Love, Caroline
P.S. FlyingCuda - welcome to this wonderful board.....hope you will post often!
I just wanted to say how much I am so much enjoying reading this thread.
Lil Deb....thanks so much for starting this. I have been talking with you ladies for a long time now.....and really feel now I know so much more about you all. This thread is like a good book....every time one of you posts...I cant wait to read your story. In doing so, in all you've all gone through, I see what makes you the wonderful women you are today!!! I think I will come back to this thread often and reread it.....
I am so blessed to have met you all.....
Love, Caroline
P.S. FlyingCuda - welcome to this wonderful board.....hope you will post often!
skimps46
10-15-2008, 09:40 PM
I cannot believe how terrific this is. To KNOW you all is so enriching! It seems a lot of us are about the same age, too. That doesn't surprise me especially - we are the sandwich generation, after all. We have kids, grandkids, some of us have late-in-life children, and aging parents.
It says a lot about every one of us that we are immersed in this quest to "raise" our demented parents, or care for loved ones. It isn't like we didn't have enough to do...it's just that God saw fit for us to do the job. Sometimes, I wish He didn't trust me so much...
I have told you all a lot about myself, mostly in bits and pieces. Of course, I left a lot out. It feels safe here, though, and when the not-so-pretty parts come oozing out (yes, I am on my third marraige, but this one is forever, I believe - how is it I am the caregiver for my father when he never really gave a damn about me when he was in his right mind - why does my brother get to skip out on this whole process, why do I lie to myself and tell myself that my DH understands when he clearly does not - etc), I feel like I am among kindred spirits. I read what you all have been through (Martha, I am talking to you), how many of us have lost children, how many of us have had such hard times, young marraiges, raised kids alone, been unloved, and I am amazed that there is enough of us left to do this job.
It's cheap therapy here. And I have never in my whole life met a bunch of people that make me feel more accepted, more cared about, more understood than you amazing ladies. And somehow, seeing the fins, feathers and fangs make it all the more wonderful.
I love you all...
...lil' deb
It says a lot about every one of us that we are immersed in this quest to "raise" our demented parents, or care for loved ones. It isn't like we didn't have enough to do...it's just that God saw fit for us to do the job. Sometimes, I wish He didn't trust me so much...
I have told you all a lot about myself, mostly in bits and pieces. Of course, I left a lot out. It feels safe here, though, and when the not-so-pretty parts come oozing out (yes, I am on my third marraige, but this one is forever, I believe - how is it I am the caregiver for my father when he never really gave a damn about me when he was in his right mind - why does my brother get to skip out on this whole process, why do I lie to myself and tell myself that my DH understands when he clearly does not - etc), I feel like I am among kindred spirits. I read what you all have been through (Martha, I am talking to you), how many of us have lost children, how many of us have had such hard times, young marraiges, raised kids alone, been unloved, and I am amazed that there is enough of us left to do this job.
It's cheap therapy here. And I have never in my whole life met a bunch of people that make me feel more accepted, more cared about, more understood than you amazing ladies. And somehow, seeing the fins, feathers and fangs make it all the more wonderful.
I love you all...
...lil' deb
quetzalmom
10-15-2008, 11:57 PM
I am a 51 year-old flower farmer. I used to write code for submarines, but the Russians quit and I adopted a special needs child. I had three other children, one is 26 and has two children with a sociopath who often does not let them spend time with our extended family. Two of the total four children are at play in the fields of the Lord. I've been married for 26 years to a great guy with a weird job that frequently calls him away. I am my mom's only relative, other than sisters on the other side of the country. Mom may or may not have dementia, but short term memory is gone. She was always somewhat shallow, now we add the insanity dimension. Sometime I have to wander about town with the crazy child and the crazy Mom. I love them both, but I get tired. I can't believe I used to have time to work. I love church, sewing, cooking, and reading. I drink chardonnay, cook with a lot of butter, and annoy local government on a regular basis. I'm here because I've had a great experience with online support when I was pregnant with a child with a rare heart defect. Like someone said, cheap therapy. It's also very effective therapy, as we find that folks from very different backgrounds have the same concerns, desires, and sometimes pain. I also appreciate the fact that we are all average, normal, everyday folks, and each in their own way quietly extraordinary. Love to all,
Q
Q
ibake&pray
10-16-2008, 12:57 PM
Quietly extrodinary...I like that. Not that I have ever been called quiet...You know the saying God never give you more than you can handle? Sometimes I do think he over estimates our abilitythough.either that or he must have me mixed up with someone else. <<<shaking my head>>>. My hubby is having lunch with the #2 child who isn't talking to me this week...this is the one who is closest to me in temperment so we butt heads the most. I once told him if he would have been my first not only would have been my last, he wouldn't have made it to his first birthday! Although I adore him, he is on my least favored child list.
I am humbled to be part of this brilliant group of women. We each sparkle with our own color of light. When blended together we fuse into a beam of white hot color that shears off into beams of brilliant hope and help to those who need it most. Press on dear ladies. Hold tight to those towels....
I am humbled to be part of this brilliant group of women. We each sparkle with our own color of light. When blended together we fuse into a beam of white hot color that shears off into beams of brilliant hope and help to those who need it most. Press on dear ladies. Hold tight to those towels....
Drews Gram
10-16-2008, 02:34 PM
I am humbled to be part of this brilliant group of women. We each sparkle with our own color of light. When blended together we fuse into a beam of white hot color that shears off into beams of brilliant hope and help to those who need it most. Press on dear ladies. Hold tight to those towels....[/COLOR][/QUOTE]
Now you see there ibake this is why I missed you sooooo much. Your humor and your beautiful writing. I envy you. I know how special we women can be when we are called on to be caregivers. I've been doing this for about 25 years starting with Grandpa. Then Gram for years and now Mom for the last 18 years. All the while raising my children, making a home, working myself too hard until I'm worn out and trying not to forget about my husband. Now my grandbabies. Just like all of you have been doing. We really are brilliant beams of hope. Aren't we?? Mom said once "Its sad when no one needs you". I try to remember those words.
I'm holding on tight to those towels. I've just finished my 4th phone call from Mom who can't figure out where she is yet again. I'll be there all day tomorrow. Today is Drews birthday. Family dinner and party for Drew. And "yes " ladies I'm actually cooking. ;) LOL Today I'm staying HOME.
Love to all,
Chris
Sorry Lil' deb. I should have posted this somewhere else. This is for introductions. Or not? Whatever, my meal is burning.................
OK, I saved the roast. Thank God. I must pay more attention. Mom has me all befuddled today. Is that a word? I don't know anymore.
Bye again.
Now you see there ibake this is why I missed you sooooo much. Your humor and your beautiful writing. I envy you. I know how special we women can be when we are called on to be caregivers. I've been doing this for about 25 years starting with Grandpa. Then Gram for years and now Mom for the last 18 years. All the while raising my children, making a home, working myself too hard until I'm worn out and trying not to forget about my husband. Now my grandbabies. Just like all of you have been doing. We really are brilliant beams of hope. Aren't we?? Mom said once "Its sad when no one needs you". I try to remember those words.
I'm holding on tight to those towels. I've just finished my 4th phone call from Mom who can't figure out where she is yet again. I'll be there all day tomorrow. Today is Drews birthday. Family dinner and party for Drew. And "yes " ladies I'm actually cooking. ;) LOL Today I'm staying HOME.
Love to all,
Chris
Sorry Lil' deb. I should have posted this somewhere else. This is for introductions. Or not? Whatever, my meal is burning.................
OK, I saved the roast. Thank God. I must pay more attention. Mom has me all befuddled today. Is that a word? I don't know anymore.
Bye again.
BlueAtlas
10-16-2008, 05:18 PM
Well, I suppose I should throw in my introduction, too. I just turned 50 and have been married to my dear husband for 23 years. Looks like we're giving some physical descriptions: I'm the tall, thin type, but not exactly eye candy. I'm not nicely proportioned like those supermodels. But then, most women aren't! As Popeye would say, I yam what I yam!
I spent many years as a Respiratory Therapist, a poor scholastic choice, as science was always my worse subject. But I chose it because I had my first spinal fusion at age 18 and found that the person I looked forward to seeing in the hospital the most everyday was the housekeeping girl. She always took the time to talk and listen. The doctors and nurses were too busy to take a second to spend any extra time in my room. I went into my field so I could be the person who a sick person could vent to, cry on my shoulder, or just have someone to actually stop and listen for a few minutes. I was a good therapist in spite of all the science I had to learn, and my patients loved me because I always took time with them.
I have also homeschooled my kids from kindergarten to 10th grade/12th grade, depending on the child. It's been fun! I finally learned all those things I really should have learned in school, or did learn but forgot. I would do well on that "do you know more than a 5th grader" show. Hopefully, my kids learned something, too. (Just kidding; they've always all gotten in the 90th or above percentiles in the yearly Iowa tests and are not social misfits. Homeschooled kids are not poor, neglected, isolated morons who live under a rock!) I worked evenings and weekends part time so I could both work and homeschool. The last child is now a high school homeschooled senior and is in the delayed enlistment program for the Marines. He'll be going to Parris Island for boot camp on June 29, 2009. I'm terrified, but I couldn't be prouder! The older two are both in college, one living at home and one not. I love having adult relationships with them now! I'm so proud of the people they've become.
My body decided to interfere with my career choice 4 years ago. We moved to a new city for hubby's job and decided I should take some time off until we got settled. During my time off, my back got much worse and I was diagnosed with early onset of osteoporosis. I ended up having another fusion surgery, this time all the way down. I'm fused from T4-sacrum. I've adjusted to my limitations and really don't care if I look ungainly. I walk a bit funny, sit a bit funny, and -- let's face it -- I look a bit funny. My crookedness is much more apparent than it was before this last fusion. Good thing there's more to me than my funny appearance. I'm finally at the point in life that I can laugh at myself and my deformities. If it bothers anyone else, well, that's their problem! This is how God made me, and I choose to embrace that! He is only good all the time!
I'm waiting for disability to be approved, a long and cruel process, and in the meantime, I was working from home doing phone reservations for an airline. It was great for me: work one hour, take an hour off, work another hour, and be done for the day! But my company lost the contract. We all got an email telling us our last day would be --- ha ha --- the same day my mother in law was set to arrive to live with us! I had wondered how on earth I was going to handle working my hours AND take care of her, since I have to lay down during the day, usually more than once. I got my answer! My job is over! Now was that from God or what?!!!
I'm learning what it's like to be a caregiver. I'm still very new at this, but I'm taking it a day at a time. So far, so good.
Otherwise, I love to garden, though I have to beg help from hubby and sons now. Can't do all that I used to do. My new gardening passion is harvesting seeds and creating perennial gardens. I love to read. I love to play on the computer and make personalized cards and other fun stuff like that. I love to do little crafts, and I make a batch of Christmas ornaments every year. When I became a Christian at age 21, I was surprised to find so few ornaments that had to do with the real meaning of Christmas, so I made my own. They've been a lot of fun and very meaningful to have and to give away. I don't bake as much as I used to, but I have a few special cookie recipes that my kids still beg for, and how could I not oblige them? They won't be around all the time for much longer! I still make my picante sauce and peach preserve ice cream topping, as hubby loves that stuff so much that he's willing to hang around and do the lifting for me. I don't play my guitar like I used to, though both sons have taken my musical skills and multiplied them immensely, to my delight. They can pick up any instrument and figure out how to play it. (Oh, did I say I have 2 sons and a daughter? 17, 19, and 21. Daughter is the oldest.) I love being a mom and wife. Not a grandmom yet, but I'll have first dibs on holding those little ones, since I won't be able to once they gain a few pounds. And I'll insist upon that!!! :D
I love my life and give thanks even for the hard times. Hard times build character, and my husband would say that I'm quite a character all right!!!
This has been a fun thread! It's such a blessing to know you all!
:wave: Emily :wave:
I spent many years as a Respiratory Therapist, a poor scholastic choice, as science was always my worse subject. But I chose it because I had my first spinal fusion at age 18 and found that the person I looked forward to seeing in the hospital the most everyday was the housekeeping girl. She always took the time to talk and listen. The doctors and nurses were too busy to take a second to spend any extra time in my room. I went into my field so I could be the person who a sick person could vent to, cry on my shoulder, or just have someone to actually stop and listen for a few minutes. I was a good therapist in spite of all the science I had to learn, and my patients loved me because I always took time with them.
I have also homeschooled my kids from kindergarten to 10th grade/12th grade, depending on the child. It's been fun! I finally learned all those things I really should have learned in school, or did learn but forgot. I would do well on that "do you know more than a 5th grader" show. Hopefully, my kids learned something, too. (Just kidding; they've always all gotten in the 90th or above percentiles in the yearly Iowa tests and are not social misfits. Homeschooled kids are not poor, neglected, isolated morons who live under a rock!) I worked evenings and weekends part time so I could both work and homeschool. The last child is now a high school homeschooled senior and is in the delayed enlistment program for the Marines. He'll be going to Parris Island for boot camp on June 29, 2009. I'm terrified, but I couldn't be prouder! The older two are both in college, one living at home and one not. I love having adult relationships with them now! I'm so proud of the people they've become.
My body decided to interfere with my career choice 4 years ago. We moved to a new city for hubby's job and decided I should take some time off until we got settled. During my time off, my back got much worse and I was diagnosed with early onset of osteoporosis. I ended up having another fusion surgery, this time all the way down. I'm fused from T4-sacrum. I've adjusted to my limitations and really don't care if I look ungainly. I walk a bit funny, sit a bit funny, and -- let's face it -- I look a bit funny. My crookedness is much more apparent than it was before this last fusion. Good thing there's more to me than my funny appearance. I'm finally at the point in life that I can laugh at myself and my deformities. If it bothers anyone else, well, that's their problem! This is how God made me, and I choose to embrace that! He is only good all the time!
I'm waiting for disability to be approved, a long and cruel process, and in the meantime, I was working from home doing phone reservations for an airline. It was great for me: work one hour, take an hour off, work another hour, and be done for the day! But my company lost the contract. We all got an email telling us our last day would be --- ha ha --- the same day my mother in law was set to arrive to live with us! I had wondered how on earth I was going to handle working my hours AND take care of her, since I have to lay down during the day, usually more than once. I got my answer! My job is over! Now was that from God or what?!!!
I'm learning what it's like to be a caregiver. I'm still very new at this, but I'm taking it a day at a time. So far, so good.
Otherwise, I love to garden, though I have to beg help from hubby and sons now. Can't do all that I used to do. My new gardening passion is harvesting seeds and creating perennial gardens. I love to read. I love to play on the computer and make personalized cards and other fun stuff like that. I love to do little crafts, and I make a batch of Christmas ornaments every year. When I became a Christian at age 21, I was surprised to find so few ornaments that had to do with the real meaning of Christmas, so I made my own. They've been a lot of fun and very meaningful to have and to give away. I don't bake as much as I used to, but I have a few special cookie recipes that my kids still beg for, and how could I not oblige them? They won't be around all the time for much longer! I still make my picante sauce and peach preserve ice cream topping, as hubby loves that stuff so much that he's willing to hang around and do the lifting for me. I don't play my guitar like I used to, though both sons have taken my musical skills and multiplied them immensely, to my delight. They can pick up any instrument and figure out how to play it. (Oh, did I say I have 2 sons and a daughter? 17, 19, and 21. Daughter is the oldest.) I love being a mom and wife. Not a grandmom yet, but I'll have first dibs on holding those little ones, since I won't be able to once they gain a few pounds. And I'll insist upon that!!! :D
I love my life and give thanks even for the hard times. Hard times build character, and my husband would say that I'm quite a character all right!!!
This has been a fun thread! It's such a blessing to know you all!
:wave: Emily :wave:
shellbelle
10-17-2008, 03:51 AM
Hello All!
This is the best thread ever! How wonderful to get to know a little more about you amazing folks who have provided me with so much support and information over the past few years! I was looking for some information/support in caring for my mother-in-law with AD when I stumbled upon this site and I couldn't believe the community that exists here ... It seemed no one around me understood what we were going through, but you all were living with it, too, and I can't tell you how many times I have found solace in your posts, knowing that we're not all alone in this.
I am 38 and my wonderful husband is 43 - and we have a fabulous, beautiful and kind 7 year old daughter. We are truly part of the sandwich generation, as my husband's folks were older when he was born and they are now 90 (FIL) and 77 (MIL) and we waited a bit to have a kid of our own (I was 30 when our daughter was born), so we have been taking care of our kid and parents for 7 years now.
I work as a lifestyles editor at the local newspaper in our hometown (population about 15,000, and the paper has a daily circulation of about 15,000) We live in the same town in Southern Illinois where I grew up. I left to attend college and came right back after graduation to a job at the newspaper 15 years ago. I've been here ever since, working as a reporter, news editor and now I cover the club news, education, religion, weddings and anniversaries, births ... all the good stuff. I also get to write a lot of feature stories, take photos and design newspaper pages, so this particular post, which I've had for 11 years now, is really a great fit for me and combines all the things I love best about the newspaper business.
My dear MIL started showing signs of dementia about 7 years ago, so when we found out we were expecting our baby, we moved my in-laws to the same town we live in. They graciously agreed to leave the town (about an hour away) where they had lived most of their lives so we could all be together and we could look after them. The first few years were a lot of work, but things went pretty well. We got them settled into a lovely little house and they had both given up driving, so we got them to the grocery store, doctor's appts, and on nice family outings. They got to spend tons of time with their only granddaughter, which was really the greatest gift of the whole experience. I look at the photos and videos now and it's like a dream to see them both just 7 years ago looking so much better and in such good spirits.
We suspected MIL had Alzheimers pretty early on, and were so fortunate to have a great geriatric specialist right here in our hometown who still takes excellent care of both of them. He confirmed the diagnosis and started MIL on Aricept, which I really believe slowed the disease for about 4 years. And then, as expected, it's effects started to taper off as the disease progressed and her symptoms worsened. She still maintained her sweet personality, but she wandered off twice and was not eating unless I stayed to encourage her when I brought their meals to them. In addition to working full time and caring for our daughter, I was checking in on them many, many times a day and provided all meals for both of them and all personal care for MIL.
Just as the decline with MIL began to really pick up, she suffered a massive stroke right in front of me and lost all use of her right side. She is now in a nursing home, and though it's a good one and I know what a blessing that is, I'm still heartbroken that such a wonderful woman has been dealt such a cruel hand in life. In the first days after the stroke, it was suggested that we place a feeding tube to provide her with nourishment, and not knowing what her prognosis might be and hoping she might make at least a moderate recovery, DH consented to the feeding tube. Their geriatric specialist continues to care for her at the NH, and we've been told he's very compassionate about discontinuing use of the tube when the time comes. I know what a struggle it was for my husband, because even now I see glimpses of her every time we visit. She might not know exactly who I am, but the sweet smile she gives me tells me she knows I'm someone who loves her.
The oddest, most wonderful thing is that in the months before the stroke she was really saying less and less that made any sense, which is to be expected, but one day during a visit to the NH my husband was telling her how much we all loved her and she looked him in eye and said "Don't you worry about me.” Even in the depths of this horrible disease, that dear woman mustered up the strength to comfort her son, her only child, who she always adored so. What a testament to how amazing this lady is!
FIL stayed in his home for a few months after MIL suffered her stroke, then on his 90th birthday he complained of stomach pain, I took him to the ER the same day and he was diagnosed with prostate cancer and had surgery to remove the mass, leaving him with a permanant colostomy. He had become increasingly frail even before the surgery, and after he was not able to get out of bed or walk on his own, so we we decided to place him at the same facility with his wife, where he has adjusted better than any of us expected.
So what have I learned through all this? Through handling two households and juggling the details of all of our lives? I have learned that I'm stronger than I ever thought I was, more capable and more patient. Isn't is funny that even though our spouses support us and the work we do as caregivers (most of them do, I hope!) that the vast majority of us are women (I recall one young man caring for his dad, who the last I heard was getting ready for transfer to a VA facility) But most of us in this army are female warriors soldiering on to protect our loved ones and give them the best quality of life possible. I did most of the work caring for my in-laws because I wanted to, and because my husband was working full time and in school full time for much of this period, so he welcomed my offer to handle most of the caregiving. I also feared it would be too emotional for him to get as involved as was necessary, since they were his parents. I love them, but sometimes I think it was easier for me to be in the trenches and not break down. I had my moments, but I'm really sadder now that they're not at home any more and they've each had such a tough time of it. I'm heartbroken, and I'm pretty sure I'm depressed for the first time in my life, because the sadness just consumes me sometimes. When they were home, I was too busy taking care of everyone to be sad.
But life goes on, and life is good and they would want for me to enjoy it. I have a daughter who needs me and she has learned through all this that family sticks together and takes care of each other and I'm so proud of her when we go to visit her grandparents and she talks with all the residents or sings for them and brightens their day.
I am very involved in my daughter's school and we have an active life with our church family, which I am finding more time for now. My own family still lives here in town as well and I am so blessed to be surrounded by loved ones ... we are all gearing up for my brother's wedding next weekend. We bought our first house a year ago, which has been wonderful. We love to take little family trips together and I like to read, cook, draw, go antiquing and to yard sales and just spend time with the family.
I didn't post much her when I was in the thick of the caregiving, but I read your posts every day and gained so much from all of you sharing your experiences. Maybe now that my journey has taken a turn down a less busy road, I will jump in more often and try to help others by sharing from my own life.
I might be the youngest one who has posted yet AND with the longest post ... go figure!
Take Care and Hugs to All!
Shell
This is the best thread ever! How wonderful to get to know a little more about you amazing folks who have provided me with so much support and information over the past few years! I was looking for some information/support in caring for my mother-in-law with AD when I stumbled upon this site and I couldn't believe the community that exists here ... It seemed no one around me understood what we were going through, but you all were living with it, too, and I can't tell you how many times I have found solace in your posts, knowing that we're not all alone in this.
I am 38 and my wonderful husband is 43 - and we have a fabulous, beautiful and kind 7 year old daughter. We are truly part of the sandwich generation, as my husband's folks were older when he was born and they are now 90 (FIL) and 77 (MIL) and we waited a bit to have a kid of our own (I was 30 when our daughter was born), so we have been taking care of our kid and parents for 7 years now.
I work as a lifestyles editor at the local newspaper in our hometown (population about 15,000, and the paper has a daily circulation of about 15,000) We live in the same town in Southern Illinois where I grew up. I left to attend college and came right back after graduation to a job at the newspaper 15 years ago. I've been here ever since, working as a reporter, news editor and now I cover the club news, education, religion, weddings and anniversaries, births ... all the good stuff. I also get to write a lot of feature stories, take photos and design newspaper pages, so this particular post, which I've had for 11 years now, is really a great fit for me and combines all the things I love best about the newspaper business.
My dear MIL started showing signs of dementia about 7 years ago, so when we found out we were expecting our baby, we moved my in-laws to the same town we live in. They graciously agreed to leave the town (about an hour away) where they had lived most of their lives so we could all be together and we could look after them. The first few years were a lot of work, but things went pretty well. We got them settled into a lovely little house and they had both given up driving, so we got them to the grocery store, doctor's appts, and on nice family outings. They got to spend tons of time with their only granddaughter, which was really the greatest gift of the whole experience. I look at the photos and videos now and it's like a dream to see them both just 7 years ago looking so much better and in such good spirits.
We suspected MIL had Alzheimers pretty early on, and were so fortunate to have a great geriatric specialist right here in our hometown who still takes excellent care of both of them. He confirmed the diagnosis and started MIL on Aricept, which I really believe slowed the disease for about 4 years. And then, as expected, it's effects started to taper off as the disease progressed and her symptoms worsened. She still maintained her sweet personality, but she wandered off twice and was not eating unless I stayed to encourage her when I brought their meals to them. In addition to working full time and caring for our daughter, I was checking in on them many, many times a day and provided all meals for both of them and all personal care for MIL.
Just as the decline with MIL began to really pick up, she suffered a massive stroke right in front of me and lost all use of her right side. She is now in a nursing home, and though it's a good one and I know what a blessing that is, I'm still heartbroken that such a wonderful woman has been dealt such a cruel hand in life. In the first days after the stroke, it was suggested that we place a feeding tube to provide her with nourishment, and not knowing what her prognosis might be and hoping she might make at least a moderate recovery, DH consented to the feeding tube. Their geriatric specialist continues to care for her at the NH, and we've been told he's very compassionate about discontinuing use of the tube when the time comes. I know what a struggle it was for my husband, because even now I see glimpses of her every time we visit. She might not know exactly who I am, but the sweet smile she gives me tells me she knows I'm someone who loves her.
The oddest, most wonderful thing is that in the months before the stroke she was really saying less and less that made any sense, which is to be expected, but one day during a visit to the NH my husband was telling her how much we all loved her and she looked him in eye and said "Don't you worry about me.” Even in the depths of this horrible disease, that dear woman mustered up the strength to comfort her son, her only child, who she always adored so. What a testament to how amazing this lady is!
FIL stayed in his home for a few months after MIL suffered her stroke, then on his 90th birthday he complained of stomach pain, I took him to the ER the same day and he was diagnosed with prostate cancer and had surgery to remove the mass, leaving him with a permanant colostomy. He had become increasingly frail even before the surgery, and after he was not able to get out of bed or walk on his own, so we we decided to place him at the same facility with his wife, where he has adjusted better than any of us expected.
So what have I learned through all this? Through handling two households and juggling the details of all of our lives? I have learned that I'm stronger than I ever thought I was, more capable and more patient. Isn't is funny that even though our spouses support us and the work we do as caregivers (most of them do, I hope!) that the vast majority of us are women (I recall one young man caring for his dad, who the last I heard was getting ready for transfer to a VA facility) But most of us in this army are female warriors soldiering on to protect our loved ones and give them the best quality of life possible. I did most of the work caring for my in-laws because I wanted to, and because my husband was working full time and in school full time for much of this period, so he welcomed my offer to handle most of the caregiving. I also feared it would be too emotional for him to get as involved as was necessary, since they were his parents. I love them, but sometimes I think it was easier for me to be in the trenches and not break down. I had my moments, but I'm really sadder now that they're not at home any more and they've each had such a tough time of it. I'm heartbroken, and I'm pretty sure I'm depressed for the first time in my life, because the sadness just consumes me sometimes. When they were home, I was too busy taking care of everyone to be sad.
But life goes on, and life is good and they would want for me to enjoy it. I have a daughter who needs me and she has learned through all this that family sticks together and takes care of each other and I'm so proud of her when we go to visit her grandparents and she talks with all the residents or sings for them and brightens their day.
I am very involved in my daughter's school and we have an active life with our church family, which I am finding more time for now. My own family still lives here in town as well and I am so blessed to be surrounded by loved ones ... we are all gearing up for my brother's wedding next weekend. We bought our first house a year ago, which has been wonderful. We love to take little family trips together and I like to read, cook, draw, go antiquing and to yard sales and just spend time with the family.
I didn't post much her when I was in the thick of the caregiving, but I read your posts every day and gained so much from all of you sharing your experiences. Maybe now that my journey has taken a turn down a less busy road, I will jump in more often and try to help others by sharing from my own life.
I might be the youngest one who has posted yet AND with the longest post ... go figure!
Take Care and Hugs to All!
Shell
Lizzie62
10-17-2008, 11:49 PM
Hi Everyone,
No one on this board knows me, but I am on here all the time. I'm usually on the ADD board (which is very often funny and ironic), or the weight loss board as I recently lost 55#'s, and once in a while on the hysterctomy board, but usually to give advice or my experience. But I come on this board and the diabetes board for my FIL who moved in with us two years ago. I often visit but haven't yet posted here. My FIL is diabetic type 1 and is frequently ODing on insulin. He has some type of dementia although he has yet to be diagnosed. My DH has procrastinated, I believe, because he has always looked up to his father. Well, it took over a year for my husband to finally go with him to the doctor and what an eye-opener that was! My FIL's Dr. (and the only one he will see) happens to be a cardiologist. When he first started seeing this Dr. he was a GP, just out of med school. The Dr. was so used to the conversation as usual, he didn't notice anything wrong until my DH was there and pointed out some things. He's only gone fishing a few times in the past few years (rather than several times a week as the Dr thought), and he hadn't played raquetball in well over 7 years, as the Dr was also mislead to think. Instead of the neurologist appointment I had hoped for, he did finally see the eye Dr and Foot Dr. as well as some other lab tests. My husband hasn't gone in over 6 months, and he has gotten some of his general health in order, however, its just the tip of the iceberg.
Anyway, I read and fear what lies ahead. He is looking worse and worse and has a blank stare quite often. I believe he is about stage 5.
Anyway, I know you will all be hearing from me more as time goes on. My name is Lizzy and I am 46 years old, I have 3 daughters, 26,24 and12 and 4 grandbabies, 7, 3, 2 and 1. I am also owned by 5 dogs, 2 german shepherds, and 3 cavalier king charles spaniels. 2 of the Cavaliers are show dogs and both GSD's were. That is my hobby, dog shows. I also work in an accounting department, strange for someone who absolutely hated math, and I am a Tastefully Simple Consultant in my spare time.:dizzy: My husband is 45 (a mere babe) and a great husband. He cooks and cleans (cooks all the time but cleans less, its ok though, he helps!) and looks good too!:):):) I do love to read, walk, completely enjoy life as much as possible. I do worry about the caretaker part, I am not nurse material and am just a panic when it comes to FIL. The diabetes, the overdosing on insulin. My husband says to just call 911 if I am by myself, which I have done but I feel so inadaquate, he never does, he just handles the situation.
Thanks so much for giving me the opportunity to get to know you all better by reading about you, and giving me the opportunity to express myself! I will be posting in the future, I am afraid.
Love to all!
Lizzy
No one on this board knows me, but I am on here all the time. I'm usually on the ADD board (which is very often funny and ironic), or the weight loss board as I recently lost 55#'s, and once in a while on the hysterctomy board, but usually to give advice or my experience. But I come on this board and the diabetes board for my FIL who moved in with us two years ago. I often visit but haven't yet posted here. My FIL is diabetic type 1 and is frequently ODing on insulin. He has some type of dementia although he has yet to be diagnosed. My DH has procrastinated, I believe, because he has always looked up to his father. Well, it took over a year for my husband to finally go with him to the doctor and what an eye-opener that was! My FIL's Dr. (and the only one he will see) happens to be a cardiologist. When he first started seeing this Dr. he was a GP, just out of med school. The Dr. was so used to the conversation as usual, he didn't notice anything wrong until my DH was there and pointed out some things. He's only gone fishing a few times in the past few years (rather than several times a week as the Dr thought), and he hadn't played raquetball in well over 7 years, as the Dr was also mislead to think. Instead of the neurologist appointment I had hoped for, he did finally see the eye Dr and Foot Dr. as well as some other lab tests. My husband hasn't gone in over 6 months, and he has gotten some of his general health in order, however, its just the tip of the iceberg.
Anyway, I read and fear what lies ahead. He is looking worse and worse and has a blank stare quite often. I believe he is about stage 5.
Anyway, I know you will all be hearing from me more as time goes on. My name is Lizzy and I am 46 years old, I have 3 daughters, 26,24 and12 and 4 grandbabies, 7, 3, 2 and 1. I am also owned by 5 dogs, 2 german shepherds, and 3 cavalier king charles spaniels. 2 of the Cavaliers are show dogs and both GSD's were. That is my hobby, dog shows. I also work in an accounting department, strange for someone who absolutely hated math, and I am a Tastefully Simple Consultant in my spare time.:dizzy: My husband is 45 (a mere babe) and a great husband. He cooks and cleans (cooks all the time but cleans less, its ok though, he helps!) and looks good too!:):):) I do love to read, walk, completely enjoy life as much as possible. I do worry about the caretaker part, I am not nurse material and am just a panic when it comes to FIL. The diabetes, the overdosing on insulin. My husband says to just call 911 if I am by myself, which I have done but I feel so inadaquate, he never does, he just handles the situation.
Thanks so much for giving me the opportunity to get to know you all better by reading about you, and giving me the opportunity to express myself! I will be posting in the future, I am afraid.
Love to all!
Lizzy
Lizzie62
10-17-2008, 11:54 PM
Quietly extrodinary...I like that. Not that I have ever been called quiet...You know the saying God never give you more than you can handle? Sometimes I do think he over estimates our abilitythough.either that or he must have me mixed up with someone else. <<<shaking my head>>>. My hubby is having lunch with the #2 child who isn't talking to me this week...this is the one who is closest to me in temperment so we butt heads the most. I once told him if he would have been my first not only would have been my last, he wouldn't have made it to his first birthday! Although I adore him, he is on my least favored child list.
I am humbled to be part of this brilliant group of women. We each sparkle with our own color of light. When blended together we fuse into a beam of white hot color that shears off into beams of brilliant hope and help to those who need it most. Press on dear ladies. Hold tight to those towels....
I think you are me, or I am you! Your middle sounds like my first, although she is more dominate than me. Oh the Joy's of motherhood!
Lizzy
I am humbled to be part of this brilliant group of women. We each sparkle with our own color of light. When blended together we fuse into a beam of white hot color that shears off into beams of brilliant hope and help to those who need it most. Press on dear ladies. Hold tight to those towels....
I think you are me, or I am you! Your middle sounds like my first, although she is more dominate than me. Oh the Joy's of motherhood!
Lizzy
carsam
10-18-2008, 09:06 AM
L'il Deb...
Thanks so much for starting this thread, it has been wonderful. I have so enjoyed reading every word of every story here of the wonderful people that have given me so much support. Also, I think this thread has prompted some new friends to introduce themselves, which is amazing!
I would like to thank everyone for sharing their stories, and welcome all of our new friends to the Board also.....I cannot imagine there being a more supportive group of online friends.......
Have a lovely weekend dear ladies.......
Love, Caroline xo
Thanks so much for starting this thread, it has been wonderful. I have so enjoyed reading every word of every story here of the wonderful people that have given me so much support. Also, I think this thread has prompted some new friends to introduce themselves, which is amazing!
I would like to thank everyone for sharing their stories, and welcome all of our new friends to the Board also.....I cannot imagine there being a more supportive group of online friends.......
Have a lovely weekend dear ladies.......
Love, Caroline xo
dotters
10-18-2008, 10:03 AM
Good Morning all, from Ontario, Canada.! It has been a while and I'm catching up - hands and elbows are a bit tired from laptopping so i'll keep it short since I use these same hands at work full time in hospital. Ontario is in last stages of trees turning color right now. Is it my imagination - either there are less red maples than when I was a teen, or maybe red maples turn last. Can. Thanksgiving is past. Our family has been somewhat spread apart this time round, but thanks to my "little sister" we enjoyed turkey dinner at the lake. It has been lovely to read everyone's introductions. I am 53, single, no children, one of 3 daughters - I am happy to say mum has 3 daughters - to help her. My sisters have been wonderfully supportive with her care. Mum will be 86 in a few months, has short-term memory loss, a replaced hip, does not drive etc. and so we provide a lot of support. So this is also partly for my 2 sisters really to say thank you at this time for all their help supporting me, which in turn supports mum in her home. October 5 week I was able to take one-day pre-thanksgiving bus trip with other photograph enthusiasts - a lovely day - thanks to my younger sister. The sisters have their own share of health concerns. Between the 3 of us we are watching our cholesterol, blood sugar, weight, and stress levels to help reduce our own ailments. We are trying to maintain a rewarding exercise regimen which is difficult these days. Having said that, this could be the weekend for at least a lovely walk. This morning, I managed to coax mum to have some cereal for a change. Of course she left most of the milk.She has placed a few jigsaw puzzle pieces today and is communicating well about tricks to identify and place them. She is showing enthusiasm for having the garden readied for winter. She has a lovely bay window by the kitchen, complete with phone, and patio chair to watch the garden activity, and tosses in a cd of Placido Domingo on the boom box and gets it started with a bit of difficulty. Today we are off to a good start but the reality it is likely we will not get her to the a family concert tonight (even for part of it) , or get her hair done, or get her to a doctor or get her toenails done; these are our daily hopes but thank goodness for Macdonald's and drive-through brewed decaf coffees. By some miracle, as we pass the hairdresser, I might be able to whisk her in. A typical Saturday! At some point we will try to drive to Stratford, On, Can. where there is a lovely garden centre which is bedecked with Christmas decor, trees touching the high ceilings, and draped with all sorts of intriguing things. Yikes! I'm thinking Christmas and south of the border most of the forum ladies (are there any men in the forum) are coming up on American Thanksgiving. Well, with the budget-watching most people are doing for the next few months, there will no doubt a lot of home-style creativity during these seasons. Oh dear, mum has her walking shoes and cane out, and I'm not ready. Best be going. All the best. Dotters.
DGabriel10
10-18-2008, 11:09 AM
It is obvious that this board is filled with the most amazing people. Thanks Little Deb for bringing out the individual behind the caregivers. Sometimes we get so wrap up in what we do that we forget about who we are..... and we are all phantastic amazing wonderful individuals that give so much of ourselves to others. My hats off to each and every one of you :)
Love, deb
Love, deb
BlueAtlas
10-18-2008, 12:46 PM
I am not nurse material and am just a panic when it comes to FIL. The diabetes, the overdosing on insulin. My husband says to just call 911 if I am by myself, which I have done but I feel so inadaquate, he never does, he just handles the situation.
Lizzy, I just wanted to give you a word about the diabetes. Type 1 and type 2 are completely different, as you probably know by now. One of my sons became a type 1 diabetic 3 years ago at age 16. It was quite an adjustment! One of the early things we learned was that type 2's don't understand type 1's. He got so much wrong advice from well-meaning type 2's. Since he's a type 1, his body makes no insulin whatsoever. He's not diet controlled. He can eat whatever he wants, as long as he takes insulin to cover it. If he overdoes his insulin, he's going to go low, may get dizzy, lightheaded, or even pass out. Rule of thumb is just get something sugary into him fast: a couple of cookies, some orange juice, etc. They sell little glucose tubes for this purpose. As long as he's still able to swallow, even if he's out of it, you can just squeeze it into his cheek and it'll bring him around.
You sure don't need this to stress over on top of everything else!
:) Emily
Lizzy, I just wanted to give you a word about the diabetes. Type 1 and type 2 are completely different, as you probably know by now. One of my sons became a type 1 diabetic 3 years ago at age 16. It was quite an adjustment! One of the early things we learned was that type 2's don't understand type 1's. He got so much wrong advice from well-meaning type 2's. Since he's a type 1, his body makes no insulin whatsoever. He's not diet controlled. He can eat whatever he wants, as long as he takes insulin to cover it. If he overdoes his insulin, he's going to go low, may get dizzy, lightheaded, or even pass out. Rule of thumb is just get something sugary into him fast: a couple of cookies, some orange juice, etc. They sell little glucose tubes for this purpose. As long as he's still able to swallow, even if he's out of it, you can just squeeze it into his cheek and it'll bring him around.
You sure don't need this to stress over on top of everything else!
:) Emily
DGabriel10
10-18-2008, 01:07 PM
Lizzie.... sometimes know what you don't know is more important than knowing what you do know. Never feel inadequate when you have to call for help. Knowing to call for help is just as important as knowing what to do. We all can't know everything or do all things so no guilt..... instead kudos to you for knowing your limitations and how to get the appropriate help!!! You can watch, listen, research, and learn to enhance your knowledge but until you are comfortable.... keep calling 911
Love, deb
Love, deb
BlueAtlas
10-18-2008, 02:07 PM
Amen, Deb! And I didn't mean to suggest that calling 911 isn't necessary or appropriate. By all means, if you need to, call! It may just give you some peace of mind to have those glucose tubes around.
:) Emily
:) Emily
ibake&pray
10-18-2008, 09:02 PM
My hubby just became dibetic-Type 2. And we have two dogs with two different types of diabetes, plus one of those two dogs with thyroid problems. Have you notices that God seems to dump on us other problems than just the AZ? I am beginning to think that this isn't just very fair. In fact it's downright rude.
I lived with an AF Officer hubby who left for a year when the boys were 4 and 13 months. He went to Korea. We stayed in Fayetteville NC. Our youngest was an ear infections child. I had the first set of tubes put in while he was gone. Found a builder, found a floorplan, made the dhanges,Build the house we moved into in Hampton VA. Sold the house in NC, packed up household goods, drove to Minn. with two kids. All this alone because I had to.
So I guess my question is when do we not have to anymore? sigh........even the dogs need us...not that I don't adore the dumb muttsspoiled rotten ever lovin gus is licikin my feet again mutts......
I lived with an AF Officer hubby who left for a year when the boys were 4 and 13 months. He went to Korea. We stayed in Fayetteville NC. Our youngest was an ear infections child. I had the first set of tubes put in while he was gone. Found a builder, found a floorplan, made the dhanges,Build the house we moved into in Hampton VA. Sold the house in NC, packed up household goods, drove to Minn. with two kids. All this alone because I had to.
So I guess my question is when do we not have to anymore? sigh........even the dogs need us...not that I don't adore the dumb muttsspoiled rotten ever lovin gus is licikin my feet again mutts......
DGabriel10
10-19-2008, 04:11 AM
Perhaps never IBake. Those of us that can do it keep doing it. There is always something to do and somebody that needs us. Some just ignore it and others do it. We are the doers...
I smiled when you said you lived in Fayetteville. Small world. I grew up less than an hour from there, my dad spent a lot of time on the base there, and I know that town well. Let's see.... lots of pine trees and the hottest summers of anywhere on earth.
Love, deb :)
I smiled when you said you lived in Fayetteville. Small world. I grew up less than an hour from there, my dad spent a lot of time on the base there, and I know that town well. Let's see.... lots of pine trees and the hottest summers of anywhere on earth.
Love, deb :)
Lizzie62
10-19-2008, 07:55 PM
Amen, Deb! And I didn't mean to suggest that calling 911 isn't necessary or appropriate. By all means, if you need to, call! It may just give you some peace of mind to have those glucose tubes around.
:) Emily
I knew that you didn't mean to suggest I don't call 911 and I will if he doesn't respond to me. As long as I can get him to talk or even just look at me I am ok. What I can't deal with is the seizure-like flopping around. Besides my husband told me to call 911 if he is like that, he bit him once, and he is worried that he could do that to me.
We normally have tubes of the glucose or tubes of icing, which works as well. But truly, when there is an emergency, I am the LAST person you want there!
You are right about how different type one is compared to type two. FIL always had very uncontrollable diabetes, his digestive system doesn't process food right at times. I don't know what type of damage this is doing to his brain. It has gotten very bad lately to where he has been going completely out of it a few times a week. We can't just take away his insulin,
and he writes everything down. I think he might forget he's taken it.
Thanks for your help ladies! Its so nice that you are here!:angel:
Love,
Lizzy
:) Emily
I knew that you didn't mean to suggest I don't call 911 and I will if he doesn't respond to me. As long as I can get him to talk or even just look at me I am ok. What I can't deal with is the seizure-like flopping around. Besides my husband told me to call 911 if he is like that, he bit him once, and he is worried that he could do that to me.
We normally have tubes of the glucose or tubes of icing, which works as well. But truly, when there is an emergency, I am the LAST person you want there!
You are right about how different type one is compared to type two. FIL always had very uncontrollable diabetes, his digestive system doesn't process food right at times. I don't know what type of damage this is doing to his brain. It has gotten very bad lately to where he has been going completely out of it a few times a week. We can't just take away his insulin,
and he writes everything down. I think he might forget he's taken it.
Thanks for your help ladies! Its so nice that you are here!:angel:
Love,
Lizzy
jagsmu
10-23-2008, 02:48 PM
who am I, sometimes I wonder myselve:Dlets see I live a totally different lifestyle than most,My husband of 34 years and myselve live on a very old converted BC coastal ferry boat....in my pervious life we rasied two of the most caring and wonderful kids that are now married (no grandchildren yet) I have owned and operated an exclusive rest. and after that became a bookkeeper, inbetween times I did commerical diving. I now own an operate a bakery out of our boat 6 months of the year and still do the diving on a limited bases. that is I do it when I want to... My mom is the one with Alz and my MILhas parkenson, my sis has just be diagnosed with demectia so it keeps us on our toes. I am 54 years old 5foot 7 and like to think I am 140lbs but in truth I am closer to 160... I know a little over the reckter scale... as long as I fit into my dive gear I don't worry....I can find humor in almost anything and that is what keeps me going..... about all the things I do when asked I just say I have not decided what I want to be when I grow up:
oh I forgot to say I love to weave and have a weaving loom and just started needle felting.
oh I forgot to say I love to weave and have a weaving loom and just started needle felting.
DGabriel10
10-23-2008, 03:53 PM
I think whether we like it or not..... we all grew up to be caregivers. That speaks volumns for all of us. :) We are the best...
Love, deb
Love, deb
Lizzie62
10-23-2008, 11:29 PM
]who am I, sometimes I wonder myselve:Dlets see I live a totally different lifestyle than most,My husband of 34 years and myselve live on a very old converted BC coastal ferry boat....in my pervious life we rasied two of the most caring and wonderful kids that are now married (no grandchildren yet) I have owned and operated an exclusive rest. and after that became a bookkeeper, inbetween times I did commerical diving. I now own an operate a bakery out of our boat 6 months of the year and still do the diving on a limited bases. that is I do it when I want to... My mom is the one with Alz and my MILhas parkenson, my sis has just be diagnosed with demectia so it keeps us on our toes. I am 54 years old 5foot 7 and like to think I am 140lbs but in truth I am closer to 160... I know a little over the reckter scale... as long as I fit into my dive gear I don't worry....I can find humor in almost anything and that is what keeps me going..... about all the things I do when asked I just say I have not decided what I want to be when I grow up
I have to say, you are one person I would LOVE to meet! How exciting is YOUR life! Now, I must say, I am the type of person who absolutely loves life and takes it to the max, but I think you may have outdone me!
Lizzy
I have to say, you are one person I would LOVE to meet! How exciting is YOUR life! Now, I must say, I am the type of person who absolutely loves life and takes it to the max, but I think you may have outdone me!
Lizzy
Martha H
10-24-2008, 07:12 AM
Jag, you are the second person in my life who is a diver. My son is a research diver in Miami. Working on his degree, he spends more than half of his time under the sea ..and loves it.
You do have an exciting life. Don't let the caregiving slow you down -- too much!
Love,
Martha
You do have an exciting life. Don't let the caregiving slow you down -- too much!
Love,
Martha
jagsmu
10-24-2008, 12:12 PM
no it would,t slow me down,I thought my busy life was normal, just a few curves in the road and adjust the speed a little bit..I have the most amazing kids who are always ready to help out, I wish for every parent to have kids like ours:), they truly are what it is all about having children..
brokenhearted2
10-24-2008, 10:44 PM
I'm an inner city h.s. teacher/counselor for the last 20 yrs. Love it!! Single and love travelling - mostly to the caribbean, but since my mom has been sick my travels have become shorter and less frequent. Single. No children...unless you count the 450 I teach each year...they sure do add up! :-) I love to dance! Enjoy sports(mostly watching as time has become very restricted). I have 2 brothers...one is getting more involved...the other....well....what can I say...only there when I need to tell him about hospital emergency visits. I found this site a while ago and I feel like when I am "losing it" and the pressure is too much, I can turn here to ease my burden. Thank you!
sunnydaze1
10-24-2008, 10:55 PM
Hello my neighbor, Dotters! I'm across the lake from you in Niagara County, NY; so I'm sending a hug and a wave to you! Stay warm this weekend; it's supposed to be rather raw and chilly...and the word snow may be in the forecast!
Nice to see you here; it's a small world, isn't it? ;)
Nice to see you here; it's a small world, isn't it? ;)
rakery
10-15-2009, 02:45 PM
nice to meet so many nice people. Im new to forum, a vey useful forum also.
skimps46
10-15-2009, 04:03 PM
Since rakery brought this thread back to the forefront, I just HAD to go back and re-read our posts.
This thread was started just a couple days shy of a year ago. Can you believe that? And look what all has changed....
Babies born (welcome little Ryan!), some of us have lost our loved ones (FIL of one, parents of others), some have newly diagnosed loved ones...life just keeps clicking on.
So here is my idea: LET'S UPDATE!!! We have some newbies among us (welcome one and all!), some veterans that are still with us (thank you DGabriel, ibakenpray, carsam, caringsister54, Martha...ALL the veterans), and for every one of us, life has changed.
Again...I will start.
I am no longer 54 - my birthday is next weekend and I will be 55. The 12 yr old is now 13, and all of our lives have changed because daddy died August 17. I have a part time job now, am in counseling because I am a complete nutcase, and I have 50 lbs to lose.
We still live in the same place (Denver Co), do the same things (dh is a butcher), and the only REAL change is that daddy's room is now a guest room, and I will never hear his voice again say, "Debbah", which is how he said, "Debbie". I miss him more than I thought possible, and don't know how every day can happen without him in it. But since the 12 yr old is no longer 12 but 13 and workin' on 14, I do have a new focus. Patrick is a grreat kid...but a burgeoning teenager nonetheless, and keeps me on my toes.
Newbies - introduce yourselves as you are not just what you "do", but you are real people with interests, families and careers.
Vets - update, please.
And then...in the next few weeks...it will be once again time for our annual VIRTUAL VACATION!!! Newbies - this is fun - please play along, and for us veterans...where do ya' wanna go? I was thinking that the Hawaiian Islands would be lovely this time of year, and since DGabriel just got back...she could show us around.
So let's do it - who are you? What do you love? Where do you call home? And as for me, once again, it's so nice to meet all of you!
...lil' deb
This thread was started just a couple days shy of a year ago. Can you believe that? And look what all has changed....
Babies born (welcome little Ryan!), some of us have lost our loved ones (FIL of one, parents of others), some have newly diagnosed loved ones...life just keeps clicking on.
So here is my idea: LET'S UPDATE!!! We have some newbies among us (welcome one and all!), some veterans that are still with us (thank you DGabriel, ibakenpray, carsam, caringsister54, Martha...ALL the veterans), and for every one of us, life has changed.
Again...I will start.
I am no longer 54 - my birthday is next weekend and I will be 55. The 12 yr old is now 13, and all of our lives have changed because daddy died August 17. I have a part time job now, am in counseling because I am a complete nutcase, and I have 50 lbs to lose.
We still live in the same place (Denver Co), do the same things (dh is a butcher), and the only REAL change is that daddy's room is now a guest room, and I will never hear his voice again say, "Debbah", which is how he said, "Debbie". I miss him more than I thought possible, and don't know how every day can happen without him in it. But since the 12 yr old is no longer 12 but 13 and workin' on 14, I do have a new focus. Patrick is a grreat kid...but a burgeoning teenager nonetheless, and keeps me on my toes.
Newbies - introduce yourselves as you are not just what you "do", but you are real people with interests, families and careers.
Vets - update, please.
And then...in the next few weeks...it will be once again time for our annual VIRTUAL VACATION!!! Newbies - this is fun - please play along, and for us veterans...where do ya' wanna go? I was thinking that the Hawaiian Islands would be lovely this time of year, and since DGabriel just got back...she could show us around.
So let's do it - who are you? What do you love? Where do you call home? And as for me, once again, it's so nice to meet all of you!
...lil' deb
meg1230
10-15-2009, 05:30 PM
Hi....my rambling story.
Me? I'm 62. Married for 27 years to a great guy..mother of 4. His two and my two = our four. They're great. We also have 5 grandchildren. Aren't they fun?!
I have worked on the floor of the Chicage Board of Trade..LOVED IT!..been a stock broker and a day care owner/operator...and now? I'm retired and love it. And it's a good thing I am retired since my mom has Alz's. She takes a large amount of my attention. She lives in an independent living facility but I am there daily getting her up and out and occupied. At the moment, I spend about 3 hours a day with her 4 days a week and the other 3 days I am with her for a little more than a hour. The rest of the day she is watched over by staff. It is a great facility and we are grateful we found it and that she has the means to afford it!
I was born in St. Louis, MO and moved to a town, Granite City, IL, just across the Mississippi where I went to high school. I am still friends with many of those I knew there. In fact, 7 of us still get together once a year. Nothing like the friends who knew you when. They are a part of my large support system...along with other friends and family and most importantly, all of you.
I now live in South Florida. Paradise.
We have gone through tough times with my mom and are dealing with it on a day to day basis. It wasn't until my step dad died that we were able to gain control of her care and get her stabilized, so to speak. She had gone through a very mean streak and with doctor's care we have her somewhat under control. The disease continues to progress but we can still get her out daily and do things..lunch, shopping, etc. Though we always have to be aware that she is an Alzs. patient. She is mostly sweet and gentle...but from time to time she erupts and with gentle, PATIENT care we gain control again. We have emergency drugs on hand to use but as of now we have gotten close but haven't had to use them yet.
I have a wonderful brother who lives in L.A. and in the past two months has flown down here twice to give me time to get away.
He is amazed at the job it is. Until you walk a mile in a caregiver's shoes you have no idea what it entails. While he was here with her she lost her teeth. He didn't know the places to look but eventually they were found.
(In a cup of water in her cup cabinet...makes sense to her!)
Now it is a daily thing. Find mom's teeth. She hides things because she is sure people are breaking into her apartment and stealing from her.
Never important things like her tv, just her teeth..or earrings...or knick knacks...it gets maddenning.
We drove my brother to the airport yesterday and after he left she was unable to breathe. For the first time, I had to call 911. They got to her within minutes. She was back to breathing by the time they got there but it was so scary. She looked to me for help with terror in her eyes. They put her into the ambulance and checked her out. Everything checked out fine. They think she had just suffered an anxiety attack. I took her back to her place and the nurse took over her care ..checking on her constantly. Today she is fine...but it did take another hour to find her teeth this morning! :dizzy:
This morning, for a short time, she forgot she was my mother...it came back eventually. But it was interesting to see the light bulb moment she had when she realized she was my mom.
I wake up every day wondering what will happen on this day to make my stomach hurt. Somedays it is bliss when nothing happens. :)
I have taken up golf to deal with the stress and isn't that just crazy?? golf??
My weight? It goes up. It goes down. At the moment it is trying to creep back up. I find I do better with everything around me when I have control of my eating...now if I could just be consistent with it. Never give up.
We are a family of the arts. My brother is an actor and I am a writer...and if there is a Pulitzer in my future, the theme will be the story of this disease.
Love, Meg
Me? I'm 62. Married for 27 years to a great guy..mother of 4. His two and my two = our four. They're great. We also have 5 grandchildren. Aren't they fun?!
I have worked on the floor of the Chicage Board of Trade..LOVED IT!..been a stock broker and a day care owner/operator...and now? I'm retired and love it. And it's a good thing I am retired since my mom has Alz's. She takes a large amount of my attention. She lives in an independent living facility but I am there daily getting her up and out and occupied. At the moment, I spend about 3 hours a day with her 4 days a week and the other 3 days I am with her for a little more than a hour. The rest of the day she is watched over by staff. It is a great facility and we are grateful we found it and that she has the means to afford it!
I was born in St. Louis, MO and moved to a town, Granite City, IL, just across the Mississippi where I went to high school. I am still friends with many of those I knew there. In fact, 7 of us still get together once a year. Nothing like the friends who knew you when. They are a part of my large support system...along with other friends and family and most importantly, all of you.
I now live in South Florida. Paradise.
We have gone through tough times with my mom and are dealing with it on a day to day basis. It wasn't until my step dad died that we were able to gain control of her care and get her stabilized, so to speak. She had gone through a very mean streak and with doctor's care we have her somewhat under control. The disease continues to progress but we can still get her out daily and do things..lunch, shopping, etc. Though we always have to be aware that she is an Alzs. patient. She is mostly sweet and gentle...but from time to time she erupts and with gentle, PATIENT care we gain control again. We have emergency drugs on hand to use but as of now we have gotten close but haven't had to use them yet.
I have a wonderful brother who lives in L.A. and in the past two months has flown down here twice to give me time to get away.
He is amazed at the job it is. Until you walk a mile in a caregiver's shoes you have no idea what it entails. While he was here with her she lost her teeth. He didn't know the places to look but eventually they were found.
(In a cup of water in her cup cabinet...makes sense to her!)
Now it is a daily thing. Find mom's teeth. She hides things because she is sure people are breaking into her apartment and stealing from her.
Never important things like her tv, just her teeth..or earrings...or knick knacks...it gets maddenning.
We drove my brother to the airport yesterday and after he left she was unable to breathe. For the first time, I had to call 911. They got to her within minutes. She was back to breathing by the time they got there but it was so scary. She looked to me for help with terror in her eyes. They put her into the ambulance and checked her out. Everything checked out fine. They think she had just suffered an anxiety attack. I took her back to her place and the nurse took over her care ..checking on her constantly. Today she is fine...but it did take another hour to find her teeth this morning! :dizzy:
This morning, for a short time, she forgot she was my mother...it came back eventually. But it was interesting to see the light bulb moment she had when she realized she was my mom.
I wake up every day wondering what will happen on this day to make my stomach hurt. Somedays it is bliss when nothing happens. :)
I have taken up golf to deal with the stress and isn't that just crazy?? golf??
My weight? It goes up. It goes down. At the moment it is trying to creep back up. I find I do better with everything around me when I have control of my eating...now if I could just be consistent with it. Never give up.
We are a family of the arts. My brother is an actor and I am a writer...and if there is a Pulitzer in my future, the theme will be the story of this disease.
Love, Meg
aras
10-15-2009, 08:17 PM
Hello All
I have taken great comfort from this board for the last several months. I had registered a long time ago and just stumbled on the board in my favorites and boy do I need it. I am the only child caretaker for my mom who is a heart patient and had vascular dementia. I took care of her at her home about twelve miles from my own, for as long as I could. She was alone at night and it just got too scary for her to be there and me at home where I could not see what was going on. She had Life Alert but never remembered to use it except when she could not remember how to turn off the ceiling fan. She is now in assisted living and begs to go home almost every day. That part really gets to me. I have cried a river as I know many of you will understand. But the reason I am posting is to introduce myself and thank you all for helping me keep my sanity (sort of) by my just reading your post. I am 67 years old and have three great children (49 in Dec, 45 in Dec and 48 in March) two girls and a son. They all have to work and live a distance away but help when they can. I have one grandson 6 years old and he will be the only one I am sure. He is a great joy to me but I don;t have the time I would like to devote to him. I have been married twice at 18 the first time and husband was nineteen. We made it for almost 25 years until the kids were about on their own. I was single about 6 years and met my present husband and we have been married 20 years this November. He is a great person and does all he can to help me. Sometimes I wonder when my real life will begin as we are not able to travel. I feel so responsible for my mother's well being that I put her first everytime. It is so hard when you can't reason with your loved ones and they don't understand why they can't be in their own home. When she was there she told me it was just too much for her and she wanted just a little room somewhere. She has that now and wants to go back to her home and sometimes I am tempted to try and find someone to live in with her but that scares me too. Sorry for rambling on so. I should have been posting all along and not putting everything in this one.
Well I was mostly a stay at home mom until my kids were in junior high school. I have been a substitute teacher (when the kids were in school), worked in a furniture store bookeeping, worked for a chiropractor, a dentist and a dermatoligist. I really liked working in the medical field. Now I don't have energy for much more that seeing to my mother's care. I really wouldn't have it any other way. I have to know that she is taken care of and see her everyday almost. We are always going to one doctor or another and I wonder how much of this is necessary. Just playint it by ear. I have been pretty much looking out for her since 1994 when my dad passed away. She has no one rlse to depend on. Well, I feel better. Hope I haven't depressed you all to much. Will post again soon. Hubby is getting hungry.
You don't know how much it has helped me to read your post.
Thanks for being there.
Gail
I have taken great comfort from this board for the last several months. I had registered a long time ago and just stumbled on the board in my favorites and boy do I need it. I am the only child caretaker for my mom who is a heart patient and had vascular dementia. I took care of her at her home about twelve miles from my own, for as long as I could. She was alone at night and it just got too scary for her to be there and me at home where I could not see what was going on. She had Life Alert but never remembered to use it except when she could not remember how to turn off the ceiling fan. She is now in assisted living and begs to go home almost every day. That part really gets to me. I have cried a river as I know many of you will understand. But the reason I am posting is to introduce myself and thank you all for helping me keep my sanity (sort of) by my just reading your post. I am 67 years old and have three great children (49 in Dec, 45 in Dec and 48 in March) two girls and a son. They all have to work and live a distance away but help when they can. I have one grandson 6 years old and he will be the only one I am sure. He is a great joy to me but I don;t have the time I would like to devote to him. I have been married twice at 18 the first time and husband was nineteen. We made it for almost 25 years until the kids were about on their own. I was single about 6 years and met my present husband and we have been married 20 years this November. He is a great person and does all he can to help me. Sometimes I wonder when my real life will begin as we are not able to travel. I feel so responsible for my mother's well being that I put her first everytime. It is so hard when you can't reason with your loved ones and they don't understand why they can't be in their own home. When she was there she told me it was just too much for her and she wanted just a little room somewhere. She has that now and wants to go back to her home and sometimes I am tempted to try and find someone to live in with her but that scares me too. Sorry for rambling on so. I should have been posting all along and not putting everything in this one.
Well I was mostly a stay at home mom until my kids were in junior high school. I have been a substitute teacher (when the kids were in school), worked in a furniture store bookeeping, worked for a chiropractor, a dentist and a dermatoligist. I really liked working in the medical field. Now I don't have energy for much more that seeing to my mother's care. I really wouldn't have it any other way. I have to know that she is taken care of and see her everyday almost. We are always going to one doctor or another and I wonder how much of this is necessary. Just playint it by ear. I have been pretty much looking out for her since 1994 when my dad passed away. She has no one rlse to depend on. Well, I feel better. Hope I haven't depressed you all to much. Will post again soon. Hubby is getting hungry.
You don't know how much it has helped me to read your post.
Thanks for being there.
Gail
skimps46
10-15-2009, 09:21 PM
Hi, Gail!
See? Doesn't it feel good just to type away and put it all out there? That's what we do. Every one of us.
When my daddy was dying here in our home in August, I posted about six times a day, I think. And I knew - I totally KNEW - that the other posters were holding their breath right along with me. And when the end finally came, they cried with me, too.
My dh and children did their best for me, but it was here on this board that I found solace and the knowledge that everyone here really did understand. I have posted in the past about poop, sex, end of life concerns, money - there is no topic off subject when we are talking about our loved ones.
I am so sad for you that you are going through the tears stage. It's so very hard. I went through that with daddy, too, and I cried harder than he did because I could not give him what he wanted - for his own sake. I could NOT give him the keys. I could NOT let him live 5 states away. I could NOT let him wander the neighborhood. And all he wanted was a little independence, a little understanding, and I could not give him that. I did understand, but couldn't make him see that I did.
All of us caregivers are nurturers at heart. You are one of us, and I hope you come back often. Read a lot, laugh with us, cry with us, and grow with us.
I'm glad you found us, and glad you let us "in" to your life.
...lil' deb
See? Doesn't it feel good just to type away and put it all out there? That's what we do. Every one of us.
When my daddy was dying here in our home in August, I posted about six times a day, I think. And I knew - I totally KNEW - that the other posters were holding their breath right along with me. And when the end finally came, they cried with me, too.
My dh and children did their best for me, but it was here on this board that I found solace and the knowledge that everyone here really did understand. I have posted in the past about poop, sex, end of life concerns, money - there is no topic off subject when we are talking about our loved ones.
I am so sad for you that you are going through the tears stage. It's so very hard. I went through that with daddy, too, and I cried harder than he did because I could not give him what he wanted - for his own sake. I could NOT give him the keys. I could NOT let him live 5 states away. I could NOT let him wander the neighborhood. And all he wanted was a little independence, a little understanding, and I could not give him that. I did understand, but couldn't make him see that I did.
All of us caregivers are nurturers at heart. You are one of us, and I hope you come back often. Read a lot, laugh with us, cry with us, and grow with us.
I'm glad you found us, and glad you let us "in" to your life.
...lil' deb
meg1230
10-15-2009, 10:17 PM
Welcome, Gail.
We're a team here. When one cries, we all cry...well, figuratively speaking...and sometimes really!
Love, Meg
We're a team here. When one cries, we all cry...well, figuratively speaking...and sometimes really!
Love, Meg
DGabriel10
10-16-2009, 04:01 AM
Gail, I know exactl where you are!!! Not so long ago I was in the same situation with my Mom.... oh well, I am still there actually but I have learned a few things.
First, your Mom (Alzheimer's) is not going to be happy where ever she is. It is not the PLACE that is annoying her. It is the confusion in her head that is the problem. Mom was miserable at home alone. She was miserable at home with help. She was miserable in Assisted living. Now she miserable in a locked ALZ unit.
I did take Mom back to her home town for a visit last Christmas. She was scared and confused most of the day. I gave her an opportunity to go back to the house and she was not interested. The time before she walked in the house, walked around for about 5 minutes as if she didn't recognize the place, and then went back outside to the car. Both times she was ready to go back to AL. But the next day she wanted to go "home".
Since she has been in the locked unit she has packed up her stuff to "go home" almost every day. She has thrown her most prized possessions over the fence. We have had to take most of what was in her room out because of this. When she is in the same room with Dad she is fighting with him and when they are separated she searches for him.
I have learned that this is just the way her disease has affected her. I can't fix it no matter what I do. I could take her back home and she would again be miserable. It just is what it is.
Mom is on antidepressants, anti anxiety medication, and anti psychotics as well. The medication has helped but even last night she spent the night packing up what is left in her room and moving it to the hall.
Dad (Vascular Dementia) on the other hand is happy most of the time. Occasionally, when Mom has driven him to distraction, he will say something about taking her home, but most of the time he is relatively happy. This disease just affects different people different ways.
Yes it is heart wrenching and can really make you second guess what you have done. But you need to know that your mom is exactly where she needs to be. Just as mine is where she needs to be :)
I am also much in your same situation as far as help. I do have one sister that go to see Mom and Dad at least once a week to give me a break. I go two or three times a week. My other two sisters are coming Sunday for the third time since the first of April. They come together and stay for a few hours and go home. My daughter lives 4 hours away. She has been here more than two of my sisters. She has shown up when I needed her most. But for the most part the day to day is mine... and Mom's high maintenance with her disposition and Dad with his falls and trips to the ER.
So what we do is the best we can. It is what it is and we can't fix it but we can do the best we can to make them as comfortable as possible where they are. Sometimes that takes medication to take the edge off the anxiety they feel because they don't understand what is happening in their world If you woke up in a new place every day you would be confused too. If you didn't remember people responding to you then you would feel isolated and ignored. If you couldn't remember how to get where you need to be you would feel lost. That is your mom's problem and you can't fix that. Eventually she will find her routine and it will be better.
I am glad you finally decided to post. I hate that you need to vent but there is no better place to do it than here. Keep typing and here's a towel to hang on to. Know we are all on the other end :) I will keep you and your Mom in my thoughts and prayers!!
Love, deb
First, your Mom (Alzheimer's) is not going to be happy where ever she is. It is not the PLACE that is annoying her. It is the confusion in her head that is the problem. Mom was miserable at home alone. She was miserable at home with help. She was miserable in Assisted living. Now she miserable in a locked ALZ unit.
I did take Mom back to her home town for a visit last Christmas. She was scared and confused most of the day. I gave her an opportunity to go back to the house and she was not interested. The time before she walked in the house, walked around for about 5 minutes as if she didn't recognize the place, and then went back outside to the car. Both times she was ready to go back to AL. But the next day she wanted to go "home".
Since she has been in the locked unit she has packed up her stuff to "go home" almost every day. She has thrown her most prized possessions over the fence. We have had to take most of what was in her room out because of this. When she is in the same room with Dad she is fighting with him and when they are separated she searches for him.
I have learned that this is just the way her disease has affected her. I can't fix it no matter what I do. I could take her back home and she would again be miserable. It just is what it is.
Mom is on antidepressants, anti anxiety medication, and anti psychotics as well. The medication has helped but even last night she spent the night packing up what is left in her room and moving it to the hall.
Dad (Vascular Dementia) on the other hand is happy most of the time. Occasionally, when Mom has driven him to distraction, he will say something about taking her home, but most of the time he is relatively happy. This disease just affects different people different ways.
Yes it is heart wrenching and can really make you second guess what you have done. But you need to know that your mom is exactly where she needs to be. Just as mine is where she needs to be :)
I am also much in your same situation as far as help. I do have one sister that go to see Mom and Dad at least once a week to give me a break. I go two or three times a week. My other two sisters are coming Sunday for the third time since the first of April. They come together and stay for a few hours and go home. My daughter lives 4 hours away. She has been here more than two of my sisters. She has shown up when I needed her most. But for the most part the day to day is mine... and Mom's high maintenance with her disposition and Dad with his falls and trips to the ER.
So what we do is the best we can. It is what it is and we can't fix it but we can do the best we can to make them as comfortable as possible where they are. Sometimes that takes medication to take the edge off the anxiety they feel because they don't understand what is happening in their world If you woke up in a new place every day you would be confused too. If you didn't remember people responding to you then you would feel isolated and ignored. If you couldn't remember how to get where you need to be you would feel lost. That is your mom's problem and you can't fix that. Eventually she will find her routine and it will be better.
I am glad you finally decided to post. I hate that you need to vent but there is no better place to do it than here. Keep typing and here's a towel to hang on to. Know we are all on the other end :) I will keep you and your Mom in my thoughts and prayers!!
Love, deb
aras
10-16-2009, 07:37 AM
Thanks for those words of encouragement. Mom has only been in A/L since July 12. It is a locked unit. She has three babydolls she takes care of and it helps keep her occupied some of the time. Somedays she puts all of her belongings on the bed and wraps them up in the linens and wants me to call someone to move her stuff home. She says she likes everyone at the the unit and they take good care of her. I guess I am lucky to have her within three miles of my house,where she would not stay and left walking with her dog to find someone to take her home. She eats well and is in pretty good shape for someone who has diabetes, 2 heart attacks (31 years apart) and terrible circulation in her lower legs. She has had a stent placed near her heart and one in her femoral artery because she had a surgery for skin cancer on her shin and it would not heal without the stent. She is on the Excelon 24 hour patch for her dementia and a low dose 12.5 of Seroquel to help her sleep. She loses her teeth quite frequently and has just got new glasses. I don't think they will last very long. Well we only have one minute at a time to get through and somehow we make it with a lot of prayers.
Thanks to all and I did really enjoy reading the personal stuff. In time I hope we get to know each other better.
Love to all
Gail
Thanks to all and I did really enjoy reading the personal stuff. In time I hope we get to know each other better.
Love to all
Gail
caringsister54
10-16-2009, 09:06 AM
About me?
Okay. I am 54 years old. My mother who had a 15 year battle with dementia was 85 when she died this past February. I have one sister and she's older by 4 years but for most of my life, I've paid the price for having one who is unmotivated, sleeps most of the day away, has no interest in most things fun and chased away all of her friends at an early age. she went to work but did not socialize with the people from her office, choosing instead to come running home to be around Mom and Dad.
I found true love, married (lived next door in the other side of a duplex) been blessed with two terrific kids; a son 25 and a daughter 22. Lived our lives in baseball because of son and cheerleading because of daughter and bowling because of us all.
Husband died in my living room April of 2005 from a massive, sudden heart attack at the age of 48 but he had been sick with diabetes, high blood pressure and was in the throes of progressive kidney failure at the time of his death.
My role in my mother's life was non-existent. She wanted and lived only for my sister. For reasons, I'm still trying to understand, she didn't love me nor did she even like me most times but she was my mother. I think it was because my birth caused her so much pain. Even though back then they knocked the mother's out, having a 'normal' birth, when you had a broken pelvis and back two years before the pain must have been enormous and stayed in her sub-conscious.
Because my sister and I were polar opposites (day vs. night - oil vs vinegar), I chose to not cause more conflicts when at all possible by nodding and agreeing with mostly everything she did or did not do for Mom. She lost full-time job in 2000, went back as their consultant for 11 months losing her job in 2001 and mom was so very bad then; having panic attacks and scared about what was going on in her mind. Sister did not want nurses to come into the house (she trusts no one), that the only option was she chose to just live on Mom's social security & take care of her and she did.
Unless Mom was coming to blows with one another or I heard sister crying over something with Mom, I rarely -- if ever -- went next door. I found my sister doing things that just made the simpliest thing harder for herself and my suggestions were heard with deaf ears so I just chose to simply support from a distance. If sister needed to go somewhere and she gave me advance notice, I rearranged my life to sit with Mom who would scream the entire time I was there.
So now I am here because I fell in love with all these wonderful ladies, some of whom know from where I come. While I did not to all the ugly things one needs to do to care for someone like my Mom, I kearned fast from dealing with Mom, watching sister implode, and therefore I offer support, help, suggestions, the occasional kick in the arsk and love. I don't pamper, I don't coddle. I tell it like it is based on what's written. But I do it all with the utmost respect and love for those in the trenches.
and I remain for all of you,
your loving
CaringSister54
Okay. I am 54 years old. My mother who had a 15 year battle with dementia was 85 when she died this past February. I have one sister and she's older by 4 years but for most of my life, I've paid the price for having one who is unmotivated, sleeps most of the day away, has no interest in most things fun and chased away all of her friends at an early age. she went to work but did not socialize with the people from her office, choosing instead to come running home to be around Mom and Dad.
I found true love, married (lived next door in the other side of a duplex) been blessed with two terrific kids; a son 25 and a daughter 22. Lived our lives in baseball because of son and cheerleading because of daughter and bowling because of us all.
Husband died in my living room April of 2005 from a massive, sudden heart attack at the age of 48 but he had been sick with diabetes, high blood pressure and was in the throes of progressive kidney failure at the time of his death.
My role in my mother's life was non-existent. She wanted and lived only for my sister. For reasons, I'm still trying to understand, she didn't love me nor did she even like me most times but she was my mother. I think it was because my birth caused her so much pain. Even though back then they knocked the mother's out, having a 'normal' birth, when you had a broken pelvis and back two years before the pain must have been enormous and stayed in her sub-conscious.
Because my sister and I were polar opposites (day vs. night - oil vs vinegar), I chose to not cause more conflicts when at all possible by nodding and agreeing with mostly everything she did or did not do for Mom. She lost full-time job in 2000, went back as their consultant for 11 months losing her job in 2001 and mom was so very bad then; having panic attacks and scared about what was going on in her mind. Sister did not want nurses to come into the house (she trusts no one), that the only option was she chose to just live on Mom's social security & take care of her and she did.
Unless Mom was coming to blows with one another or I heard sister crying over something with Mom, I rarely -- if ever -- went next door. I found my sister doing things that just made the simpliest thing harder for herself and my suggestions were heard with deaf ears so I just chose to simply support from a distance. If sister needed to go somewhere and she gave me advance notice, I rearranged my life to sit with Mom who would scream the entire time I was there.
So now I am here because I fell in love with all these wonderful ladies, some of whom know from where I come. While I did not to all the ugly things one needs to do to care for someone like my Mom, I kearned fast from dealing with Mom, watching sister implode, and therefore I offer support, help, suggestions, the occasional kick in the arsk and love. I don't pamper, I don't coddle. I tell it like it is based on what's written. But I do it all with the utmost respect and love for those in the trenches.
and I remain for all of you,
your loving
CaringSister54
carsam
10-16-2009, 12:51 PM
L'il Deb...
I was thinking the same thing when I saw this thread come up again - has it been a year? It feels like yesterday and so much has changed!!!
Well, as most of you know, I am 40 years old....and am married with 2 little boys. I live in Toronto, Canada. I found this board when looking for help for my grandmother who suffered from dementia. To be honest, I'm not sure what kind it was, they always suspected lewy body. A year ago, when I wrote my update I was 14 weeks pregnant with my second child...and my grandma was in very late stages of dementia. One year later, my son is 6 months old, and my grandmother has been gone for that same amount of time. She died exactly one week after Ryan was born. I will always remember it as a time in my life when I experienced every emotion all at once. I was extremely close with my grandma, and for years I dreaded the day I would lose her.....but thank God for my son whose birth got me through the sadness. I thank the Lord for that.
My uncle was her sole caregiver, he had a little help here and there, and long distance support from my mom, who flew there when ever she could to help, but mostly was on his own. He is now 6 months living alone. I think he has accepted grandma's passing, knowing that she is no longer tormented by this illness, but he struggles daily with "loneliness". He is at this moment in Thailand, wandering around by himself. This is his 3rd trip since she passed....and I know he is "running" from the loneliness. Being a caregiver, is lifechanging.....and some come through it well, and for some it is really hard on the other side, especially if you dont have family to support you. I pray for him every day.
As for me, I am busy with my two boys....my oldest started a new school this year, it has been an adjustment to say the least, but seems to be going well. My little one, Ryan, who most of you welcomed into the world along with me....is doing well, thriving, and eating solid foods now like you wouldnt believe. If I could just now make it down there to all you southern gals for all of that good home cookin', he'd just love that!!! :)
Life 6 months after losing grandma is "different". We miss her dearly, and think of her every single day. But it is almost a "relief". I always knew that the strain would be less once it was "over"....and I felt guilty in thinking that. But now I know, that it wasnt an end to grandma's life that brought peace back to our family, it was an end to her "suffering"......god bless her, she is at rest and with her loved ones, we shall see her again soon enough.
Love to all,
Caroline xo
P.S. Wow, I just realized it was a year and just two days ago I posted my update on this thread. What a difference a year makes!
I was thinking the same thing when I saw this thread come up again - has it been a year? It feels like yesterday and so much has changed!!!
Well, as most of you know, I am 40 years old....and am married with 2 little boys. I live in Toronto, Canada. I found this board when looking for help for my grandmother who suffered from dementia. To be honest, I'm not sure what kind it was, they always suspected lewy body. A year ago, when I wrote my update I was 14 weeks pregnant with my second child...and my grandma was in very late stages of dementia. One year later, my son is 6 months old, and my grandmother has been gone for that same amount of time. She died exactly one week after Ryan was born. I will always remember it as a time in my life when I experienced every emotion all at once. I was extremely close with my grandma, and for years I dreaded the day I would lose her.....but thank God for my son whose birth got me through the sadness. I thank the Lord for that.
My uncle was her sole caregiver, he had a little help here and there, and long distance support from my mom, who flew there when ever she could to help, but mostly was on his own. He is now 6 months living alone. I think he has accepted grandma's passing, knowing that she is no longer tormented by this illness, but he struggles daily with "loneliness". He is at this moment in Thailand, wandering around by himself. This is his 3rd trip since she passed....and I know he is "running" from the loneliness. Being a caregiver, is lifechanging.....and some come through it well, and for some it is really hard on the other side, especially if you dont have family to support you. I pray for him every day.
As for me, I am busy with my two boys....my oldest started a new school this year, it has been an adjustment to say the least, but seems to be going well. My little one, Ryan, who most of you welcomed into the world along with me....is doing well, thriving, and eating solid foods now like you wouldnt believe. If I could just now make it down there to all you southern gals for all of that good home cookin', he'd just love that!!! :)
Life 6 months after losing grandma is "different". We miss her dearly, and think of her every single day. But it is almost a "relief". I always knew that the strain would be less once it was "over"....and I felt guilty in thinking that. But now I know, that it wasnt an end to grandma's life that brought peace back to our family, it was an end to her "suffering"......god bless her, she is at rest and with her loved ones, we shall see her again soon enough.
Love to all,
Caroline xo
P.S. Wow, I just realized it was a year and just two days ago I posted my update on this thread. What a difference a year makes!
DGabriel10
10-16-2009, 05:47 PM
Gail!!! Do we have the same Mom?!?!?!
Mom will pack in anything. Linens are always available. She will just move stacks out into the hall if necessary. Mom has begged me to call "three men and a truck". She has threatened to call a taxi to take her home. Mom does like the caregivers. She has attached to one of the younger caregivers and thinks she's a grandchild. She would be happy if she could. She also has baby dolls which she takes care of much of the day. She eats what she wants and you can forget the rest. She refused to eat lunch recently but ate all of the cheeseburger that I brought! We have hearing aids instead of teeth and they are always lost or broken. Mom is the angry one with ALZ. Heath wise she's extremely healthy though I have noticed lately that she is slowing down just a bit. She does have type 2 diabetes and loves chocolate!
Dad has the health problems of your Mom. He is the one with Vascular dementia. He has had three heart attacks, the first one in 1977. He has also had 5 bypass heart surgery, 2 additional stints in his heart and two stints in his femoral arteries. His leg circulation is horrible. But he has more reasoning ability than Mom does. He can think things through but quickly loses what he has come up with so we have to do it again.
Both of my parents are on seroque and a couple of other meds for behavioral problem. They are both in a locked unit where they need to be.
Yep, we just go one moment at a time. We put out the fires of crisis and hang on to the good days. We try our best to give them the best we can and have to know in our hearts that we are doing the very best we can :)
Love, deb
Mom will pack in anything. Linens are always available. She will just move stacks out into the hall if necessary. Mom has begged me to call "three men and a truck". She has threatened to call a taxi to take her home. Mom does like the caregivers. She has attached to one of the younger caregivers and thinks she's a grandchild. She would be happy if she could. She also has baby dolls which she takes care of much of the day. She eats what she wants and you can forget the rest. She refused to eat lunch recently but ate all of the cheeseburger that I brought! We have hearing aids instead of teeth and they are always lost or broken. Mom is the angry one with ALZ. Heath wise she's extremely healthy though I have noticed lately that she is slowing down just a bit. She does have type 2 diabetes and loves chocolate!
Dad has the health problems of your Mom. He is the one with Vascular dementia. He has had three heart attacks, the first one in 1977. He has also had 5 bypass heart surgery, 2 additional stints in his heart and two stints in his femoral arteries. His leg circulation is horrible. But he has more reasoning ability than Mom does. He can think things through but quickly loses what he has come up with so we have to do it again.
Both of my parents are on seroque and a couple of other meds for behavioral problem. They are both in a locked unit where they need to be.
Yep, we just go one moment at a time. We put out the fires of crisis and hang on to the good days. We try our best to give them the best we can and have to know in our hearts that we are doing the very best we can :)
Love, deb
ibake&pray
10-16-2009, 05:47 PM
Caroline,
My dear, how goes it with your mother? I often wonder if you are doing well and finding new friends that you can gather with and becomes friends. You had such a difficult time with your Mom.
Since a year ago I have gathered two new grandbabies into the family. Our oldest son stationed in Japan just had their first daughter, Ava Nichole, on Oct 2. She was tiny...6' 11", born sunny side up, but is doing well. We see her on Skype every week. Glanders, our Irsh Wolfhound/Giant Schnauzer mix gets so excited when he sees her on the laptop screen that he licks the screen and just whimpers to get to her. Then he can't figure out why she doesn't smell. He looks around the back of the laptop, the bottom, he just can't figure out how she got in there...poor puppy.
Our youngest son and his wife had their second son Michael Collin on the 6th of July. We call this little one Moose. He is just about as big as one. Going on 16 lbs. He will be christened next week in my family gown that is over 100 years old. His father wore it, his uncle, his brother, I wore it, my mother, my aunts, it has so much family history in it...
Daddy and Momma have been gone for two years. It will be two years 1 Nov. for Momma. I miss them more now than when they passed. They would have enjoyed these little ones so much, and been so proud of them and my sons. I so wish that I could talk with them every day about them. The horrid pain leaves, but the deep ache remains-and I find that i have suddenly learned to move my hands like my mothers.....
I stilll second guess myself and wonder what I could have done differently. How I could have changed things for them. Shouldca coulda woulda, as Big Deb says. I guess we never stop wondering what else we could have done. So now I am an orphan. How sad that is..
My dear, how goes it with your mother? I often wonder if you are doing well and finding new friends that you can gather with and becomes friends. You had such a difficult time with your Mom.
Since a year ago I have gathered two new grandbabies into the family. Our oldest son stationed in Japan just had their first daughter, Ava Nichole, on Oct 2. She was tiny...6' 11", born sunny side up, but is doing well. We see her on Skype every week. Glanders, our Irsh Wolfhound/Giant Schnauzer mix gets so excited when he sees her on the laptop screen that he licks the screen and just whimpers to get to her. Then he can't figure out why she doesn't smell. He looks around the back of the laptop, the bottom, he just can't figure out how she got in there...poor puppy.
Our youngest son and his wife had their second son Michael Collin on the 6th of July. We call this little one Moose. He is just about as big as one. Going on 16 lbs. He will be christened next week in my family gown that is over 100 years old. His father wore it, his uncle, his brother, I wore it, my mother, my aunts, it has so much family history in it...
Daddy and Momma have been gone for two years. It will be two years 1 Nov. for Momma. I miss them more now than when they passed. They would have enjoyed these little ones so much, and been so proud of them and my sons. I so wish that I could talk with them every day about them. The horrid pain leaves, but the deep ache remains-and I find that i have suddenly learned to move my hands like my mothers.....
I stilll second guess myself and wonder what I could have done differently. How I could have changed things for them. Shouldca coulda woulda, as Big Deb says. I guess we never stop wondering what else we could have done. So now I am an orphan. How sad that is..
aras
10-16-2009, 07:43 PM
Hello all
Deb, it sure sounds like our Moms are much the same. Mom was pretty good today. She talked to her sister and brother-inlaw in Arizona for a good while. Telling them she was going home and try it and if she couldn't manage she would be ready to come right back to A/L. Sure she would!!! It was hard enough to get her there the first time. Then we called her sister who is ninety and still lives alone ( family is close by) and told her the same thing. She said I will be the first to say let me go back to...where am I Gail? Bless her heart. She didn't put up a fight when I got ready to leave today. That makes all the difference in the way I feel for the rest of the day and night. Do you all wake up in the middle of the night and the first thought on your mind is your loved ones and wonder if you are doing the right thing for them? I know it must be the same for us all. Today I said thank you Lord when she didn't try to follow me out and she had not destroyed her room when I got there. Tomorrow may be totally different. This board is the ebest thearpy!
Hubby is cooking me a steak tonight. It's my lucky day.
Love to all
Gail
Deb, it sure sounds like our Moms are much the same. Mom was pretty good today. She talked to her sister and brother-inlaw in Arizona for a good while. Telling them she was going home and try it and if she couldn't manage she would be ready to come right back to A/L. Sure she would!!! It was hard enough to get her there the first time. Then we called her sister who is ninety and still lives alone ( family is close by) and told her the same thing. She said I will be the first to say let me go back to...where am I Gail? Bless her heart. She didn't put up a fight when I got ready to leave today. That makes all the difference in the way I feel for the rest of the day and night. Do you all wake up in the middle of the night and the first thought on your mind is your loved ones and wonder if you are doing the right thing for them? I know it must be the same for us all. Today I said thank you Lord when she didn't try to follow me out and she had not destroyed her room when I got there. Tomorrow may be totally different. This board is the ebest thearpy!
Hubby is cooking me a steak tonight. It's my lucky day.
Love to all
Gail
Martha H
10-16-2009, 07:46 PM
It is now almost 2 years since my Mom passed away, and (gasp!) almost 5 years since I began posting on this Board, and unexpectedly found friends and help for that difficult time, and maybe for life!
After all the guilt and pain, I now think that everything took its normal course and we all did the best we could with the understanding and emotions we had at that time. None of us need to feel guilty. And I don't even feel it was particularly terrible that Mom got Dementia and died of it. Not that those last 4 or 5 years were easy .. but she did not suffer like someone with a painful disease like cancer. She did not have to be rushed to hospitals multiple times in an ambulance and have her body poked and prodded (which she absolutely hated!) She was in a comfortable room with her old pictures and chair and TV and phone, all of which soon meant nothing at all, and with visits and phonecalls. She made friends with other residents and adjusted to it, in fact she enjoyed the memory prodding games they played once a day (like trying to sing the rest of the "Pepsi Cola hits the spot" jingle... ) and the outings, and the visit in 2007 of the "REAL Elvis" ...
Yes, we did use up all her money for the NH, but my brother reminded me that Mom did enjoy life in the years before AD. She visited me in Germany almost every year, she even visited us when we lived in Africa in the early 70s. She went on a cruise with me and my Aunt, her sister, and on another cruise with a close girlfriend. She enjoyed life, went to every party and activity at her Senior Center, loved to dance, went swimming until she was 96, and really had a great sense of humor and musical talent.
I can't think of an alternate scenario which would have turned out this well. IF my very critical sister had taken her to live with her, Mom may have been miserable! And some other death, something violent like being in a car accident or some grim disease may have been much worse.
I do think in retrospect that Mom lived the life and died the death that was meant for her; she did the best with what she was given, she had children and grandchildren, a happy marriage, lots of friends, faithfully attended her church until she could no longer walk, and was a good example to her family members.
AD moves slowly. I was most frustrated and upset during the middle stages when she was still used to doing things on her own but now could not manage it. She was upset, I was nervous, neither of us had a clue what to do. My brother was a rock for me, having had AD experience with his MIL, and also took Mom for a weekend when things got really hard for me, and we managed. We bonded as we never had before when I was overseas for over 30 years. Now he is my best friend.
My sister is now a far off, cool relative; whatever deep friendship we had earlier is now gone, I hope temporarily.
And Mom is in a safe place, a new world, and is happy there. In a way I think, if I had a choice, I would not reject Alzheimer's as a reasonable way to go ...
(Or is this a sign that I am getting it?)
Love,
Martha
After all the guilt and pain, I now think that everything took its normal course and we all did the best we could with the understanding and emotions we had at that time. None of us need to feel guilty. And I don't even feel it was particularly terrible that Mom got Dementia and died of it. Not that those last 4 or 5 years were easy .. but she did not suffer like someone with a painful disease like cancer. She did not have to be rushed to hospitals multiple times in an ambulance and have her body poked and prodded (which she absolutely hated!) She was in a comfortable room with her old pictures and chair and TV and phone, all of which soon meant nothing at all, and with visits and phonecalls. She made friends with other residents and adjusted to it, in fact she enjoyed the memory prodding games they played once a day (like trying to sing the rest of the "Pepsi Cola hits the spot" jingle... ) and the outings, and the visit in 2007 of the "REAL Elvis" ...
Yes, we did use up all her money for the NH, but my brother reminded me that Mom did enjoy life in the years before AD. She visited me in Germany almost every year, she even visited us when we lived in Africa in the early 70s. She went on a cruise with me and my Aunt, her sister, and on another cruise with a close girlfriend. She enjoyed life, went to every party and activity at her Senior Center, loved to dance, went swimming until she was 96, and really had a great sense of humor and musical talent.
I can't think of an alternate scenario which would have turned out this well. IF my very critical sister had taken her to live with her, Mom may have been miserable! And some other death, something violent like being in a car accident or some grim disease may have been much worse.
I do think in retrospect that Mom lived the life and died the death that was meant for her; she did the best with what she was given, she had children and grandchildren, a happy marriage, lots of friends, faithfully attended her church until she could no longer walk, and was a good example to her family members.
AD moves slowly. I was most frustrated and upset during the middle stages when she was still used to doing things on her own but now could not manage it. She was upset, I was nervous, neither of us had a clue what to do. My brother was a rock for me, having had AD experience with his MIL, and also took Mom for a weekend when things got really hard for me, and we managed. We bonded as we never had before when I was overseas for over 30 years. Now he is my best friend.
My sister is now a far off, cool relative; whatever deep friendship we had earlier is now gone, I hope temporarily.
And Mom is in a safe place, a new world, and is happy there. In a way I think, if I had a choice, I would not reject Alzheimer's as a reasonable way to go ...
(Or is this a sign that I am getting it?)
Love,
Martha
meg1230
10-16-2009, 08:27 PM
MARTHA,
BRILLIANT POST!
Thank you for that perspective. I will share it with my brother.
Love, Meg
BRILLIANT POST!
Thank you for that perspective. I will share it with my brother.
Love, Meg
rio14
10-16-2009, 10:27 PM
Deb-
I am new to this site. I did a search for stopping my moms aricept and numenda and it took me to one of your post from July of 08. Did you go thru with stopping it? In part of your post you could have had my mom. Its a nightmare and I am at my wits end. You are lucky to have sisters to help. I have a brother 10 yrs. older than me and he is some but little help. His wife is a gereatric nurse in the behavior unit of a hospital and is zero help with mom...go figure.
Mom had mini strokes that we know of 1 1/2 yrs. ago though looking back I think she had some before it got to that point. In the past year she has been in the behavior unit 3 times and I think she is headed there again soon. For 6 mo. she was in an independent living apt after leaving her big 4 bedroom home. (Dad died 11 yrs ago and she never got over that). She lost it in the independent place and wound up in the hospital. For almost a year now she has been in Arden courts a altzheime/dementia assited living. For what it is it really is very nice. She has had moments of liking it but never stops talking of going home. My son told her in March how much her house means to him and him and his wife would like to buy it. She was thrilled but its gone no further.
In Aug. she wound up in the hospital due to depression and she started saying she would kill herself. Being more catholic than the pope this was totally out of character. She came back in good shape. But the part of her memory they fixed seems to have brought out more anger and aggitation. Why improve her memory for that. At this point if she were happily confused as they call it she would be happy.
Last month a man and his dog moved in and she said it was her first real friend. In her area it had gotten to where no one spoke much at all and mom is what they call high functioning to where at times you wonder if she needs to be there she sounds so with it. They would eat together. He moved out last week and I expected her to be down but she is off the wall. Called one day and told me she was getting a court order to go see her house. I have told her many times that my son will take her to see her house but I won't . She'd flip out if I was there but she wants to manipulate me to do it. My whole like I've done what my parents wanted but not its not rational and I'm standing firm. And she is starting to demand to know her finances. That can't happen...she'd drop dead if she knew what I was paying for this place. I now only visit on Sun but am dreading that to. I can't sit there a whole day with her loading me up with guilt. all I hear is I would of never done this to my mom.
After all this my questions is did you stop the meds? She is also on an anxiety med, 2 anti depressents and 2 anti psychotic drugs. They stopped the ativan she had been on for years as it was causing her depression in Aug.
Its about to do me in. I thank god I have a suportive husband. With the holidays coming up I am really stressing.
Thank you for any tips you might have.
Kathy
I am new to this site. I did a search for stopping my moms aricept and numenda and it took me to one of your post from July of 08. Did you go thru with stopping it? In part of your post you could have had my mom. Its a nightmare and I am at my wits end. You are lucky to have sisters to help. I have a brother 10 yrs. older than me and he is some but little help. His wife is a gereatric nurse in the behavior unit of a hospital and is zero help with mom...go figure.
Mom had mini strokes that we know of 1 1/2 yrs. ago though looking back I think she had some before it got to that point. In the past year she has been in the behavior unit 3 times and I think she is headed there again soon. For 6 mo. she was in an independent living apt after leaving her big 4 bedroom home. (Dad died 11 yrs ago and she never got over that). She lost it in the independent place and wound up in the hospital. For almost a year now she has been in Arden courts a altzheime/dementia assited living. For what it is it really is very nice. She has had moments of liking it but never stops talking of going home. My son told her in March how much her house means to him and him and his wife would like to buy it. She was thrilled but its gone no further.
In Aug. she wound up in the hospital due to depression and she started saying she would kill herself. Being more catholic than the pope this was totally out of character. She came back in good shape. But the part of her memory they fixed seems to have brought out more anger and aggitation. Why improve her memory for that. At this point if she were happily confused as they call it she would be happy.
Last month a man and his dog moved in and she said it was her first real friend. In her area it had gotten to where no one spoke much at all and mom is what they call high functioning to where at times you wonder if she needs to be there she sounds so with it. They would eat together. He moved out last week and I expected her to be down but she is off the wall. Called one day and told me she was getting a court order to go see her house. I have told her many times that my son will take her to see her house but I won't . She'd flip out if I was there but she wants to manipulate me to do it. My whole like I've done what my parents wanted but not its not rational and I'm standing firm. And she is starting to demand to know her finances. That can't happen...she'd drop dead if she knew what I was paying for this place. I now only visit on Sun but am dreading that to. I can't sit there a whole day with her loading me up with guilt. all I hear is I would of never done this to my mom.
After all this my questions is did you stop the meds? She is also on an anxiety med, 2 anti depressents and 2 anti psychotic drugs. They stopped the ativan she had been on for years as it was causing her depression in Aug.
Its about to do me in. I thank god I have a suportive husband. With the holidays coming up I am really stressing.
Thank you for any tips you might have.
Kathy
DGabriel10
10-17-2009, 04:17 AM
Kathy... Bless you!!! I so know where you are coming from. Yes, we did stop Mom's Namenda and Aricept. I'm not sure if it helped the depression, agitation, aggression, and that infernal need to go "home" because it was just a few weeks later that we ended up moving Mom and Dad to a locked unit.
It was all a sad comedy of bad decisions! Mom was off the wall in AL. Dad was having difficulty as well but I truly believe that most of Dad's difficulties were a direct result of Mom's agitation. She would torment him to "take her home" until he would lose it. There was a significant decline in Mom's Mini Mental Test from the previous year of about 8 point but Mom still appeared to be what you call "functional". Because of the sharp decline in the Mini Mental they decided to take her off the Namenda and Aricept. Just days later the facility attempted to move Dad to the locked unit for his wandering. Mom completely flipped out and "showed herself". They then made a change in her other medications at this point. Mom couldn't get over the now failed attempt to move Dad so we were told we had to move them. That is when they were moved here to a locked unit. Throw on top of this a recurrent urinary tract infection that was being treated with the wrong antibiotic. Mom had been here less than a month, less than two months after the Namenda and Aricept was stopped, when she ended up in the Behavioral Unit. At that point her downward progression was startling.
But I have NO clue what to blame what on. The Namenda and Aricept was stopped, the facility tried to move Dad, they changed her psychotic meds, she had the UTI that was being treated with the wrong antibiotic, and she moved facilities... all in a month.
I will say that Mom has gone from highly functional to limited function in less than a year. The decline has been dramatic.... but I can't say it is because the dementia meds were stopped. I would guess it was all the trauma and medical issues rather than the medication because it started before the namenda and aricept were stopped.
Even from the beginning Mom had problems with auditory input. She can't comprehend what she hears. That ability is now almost totally gone. Any response is totally inappropriate to what is being said to her. She is unable to complete a sentence. She will get out a few words and the lose track of what she is trying to say. She still has the ability to process visual input because she will try to say something and finish it with what every is in her visual field. Such as.... Today your Dad, white tennis shoes.... and I will notice that she is looking at her shoes. She can not communicate effectively... except when she lets you know that she WANT TO GO HOME!
She actually likes many of the caregivers and has adopted one of the younger staff members as a grand daughter. She is heavily medicated. She is on antidepressants, anti psychotics, and anti anxiety medication. None of it has change her determination to go home. It has made it easier for the staff to redirect her and it has lessened the agitation and combativeness that is attached to her need to go home but it has NOT taken it away. Not even her decline in cognition hs lessened that desire. But at least she's not screaming, crying, throwing things, and hitting people. She's just tells us she has to go home, wanders off and picks up a few things to take with her, wanders around the courtyard for a while, and then shows back up in the commons area. Several times a day the staff takes her stuff back to her room so we can do it again.
I will say that we have taken both Mom and Dad off the Ativan. It was causing more problem than it was helping.. It did seem to create agitation of it's own.
No, I do not take Mom back to her house. She has not been there for over a years. I only take her out of the facility for doctor appointments. I have even stopped taking her upstairs to special activities. Any time she is out of her routine she seems to be worse.
I understand what you were saying when you talked about the happy confusion. I have said myself that Mom had to get worse to get better. Some things I have figured out. Mom was miserable at home before she left for Assisted Living. Her Alz was rather advance before we were clued in. She had self diagnosed with depression several years before she received her Alz diagnosis. Her depression was a direct result of the fact that she knew something was going terribly wrong in her head and denied it with everything in her. She watched her mother, several aunts and step sisters die of this disease. It was her worst nightmare come true. She had those same suicidal claims at home. It only got worse with the diagnosis and move to AL. So it's not a result of where she is... it is a function of the disease.
Moves, hospitalizations, routine changes do more to send Mom into a tail spin or downward decline than anything else. I couldn't tell that the namenda or aricept slowed her progression in the beginning or did anything to speed it up when she went off of it. All the psychotropic drugs have taken the edge off of her hysteria but they have not changed the basic behavior. It has only softened the desire enough that she can deal with it a little better. As long as there is a spark of cognition that Mom can use... she will fight against this disease. The only way she knows how to express that fight right now is her desire to go home. Not to the house she used to live in because she doesn't even remember it at this point...... but a place in time where her head is not confused and betraying her. That part we can't fix.... so yep, they have to get worse to get better in ths case :)
Hope this has helped at all. Know I understand what you are dealing with and will keep you and your Mom in my thoughts and prayers :)
Love, deb
It was all a sad comedy of bad decisions! Mom was off the wall in AL. Dad was having difficulty as well but I truly believe that most of Dad's difficulties were a direct result of Mom's agitation. She would torment him to "take her home" until he would lose it. There was a significant decline in Mom's Mini Mental Test from the previous year of about 8 point but Mom still appeared to be what you call "functional". Because of the sharp decline in the Mini Mental they decided to take her off the Namenda and Aricept. Just days later the facility attempted to move Dad to the locked unit for his wandering. Mom completely flipped out and "showed herself". They then made a change in her other medications at this point. Mom couldn't get over the now failed attempt to move Dad so we were told we had to move them. That is when they were moved here to a locked unit. Throw on top of this a recurrent urinary tract infection that was being treated with the wrong antibiotic. Mom had been here less than a month, less than two months after the Namenda and Aricept was stopped, when she ended up in the Behavioral Unit. At that point her downward progression was startling.
But I have NO clue what to blame what on. The Namenda and Aricept was stopped, the facility tried to move Dad, they changed her psychotic meds, she had the UTI that was being treated with the wrong antibiotic, and she moved facilities... all in a month.
I will say that Mom has gone from highly functional to limited function in less than a year. The decline has been dramatic.... but I can't say it is because the dementia meds were stopped. I would guess it was all the trauma and medical issues rather than the medication because it started before the namenda and aricept were stopped.
Even from the beginning Mom had problems with auditory input. She can't comprehend what she hears. That ability is now almost totally gone. Any response is totally inappropriate to what is being said to her. She is unable to complete a sentence. She will get out a few words and the lose track of what she is trying to say. She still has the ability to process visual input because she will try to say something and finish it with what every is in her visual field. Such as.... Today your Dad, white tennis shoes.... and I will notice that she is looking at her shoes. She can not communicate effectively... except when she lets you know that she WANT TO GO HOME!
She actually likes many of the caregivers and has adopted one of the younger staff members as a grand daughter. She is heavily medicated. She is on antidepressants, anti psychotics, and anti anxiety medication. None of it has change her determination to go home. It has made it easier for the staff to redirect her and it has lessened the agitation and combativeness that is attached to her need to go home but it has NOT taken it away. Not even her decline in cognition hs lessened that desire. But at least she's not screaming, crying, throwing things, and hitting people. She's just tells us she has to go home, wanders off and picks up a few things to take with her, wanders around the courtyard for a while, and then shows back up in the commons area. Several times a day the staff takes her stuff back to her room so we can do it again.
I will say that we have taken both Mom and Dad off the Ativan. It was causing more problem than it was helping.. It did seem to create agitation of it's own.
No, I do not take Mom back to her house. She has not been there for over a years. I only take her out of the facility for doctor appointments. I have even stopped taking her upstairs to special activities. Any time she is out of her routine she seems to be worse.
I understand what you were saying when you talked about the happy confusion. I have said myself that Mom had to get worse to get better. Some things I have figured out. Mom was miserable at home before she left for Assisted Living. Her Alz was rather advance before we were clued in. She had self diagnosed with depression several years before she received her Alz diagnosis. Her depression was a direct result of the fact that she knew something was going terribly wrong in her head and denied it with everything in her. She watched her mother, several aunts and step sisters die of this disease. It was her worst nightmare come true. She had those same suicidal claims at home. It only got worse with the diagnosis and move to AL. So it's not a result of where she is... it is a function of the disease.
Moves, hospitalizations, routine changes do more to send Mom into a tail spin or downward decline than anything else. I couldn't tell that the namenda or aricept slowed her progression in the beginning or did anything to speed it up when she went off of it. All the psychotropic drugs have taken the edge off of her hysteria but they have not changed the basic behavior. It has only softened the desire enough that she can deal with it a little better. As long as there is a spark of cognition that Mom can use... she will fight against this disease. The only way she knows how to express that fight right now is her desire to go home. Not to the house she used to live in because she doesn't even remember it at this point...... but a place in time where her head is not confused and betraying her. That part we can't fix.... so yep, they have to get worse to get better in ths case :)
Hope this has helped at all. Know I understand what you are dealing with and will keep you and your Mom in my thoughts and prayers :)
Love, deb
rio14
10-17-2009, 10:57 AM
Deb
Thank you for your post. I was on another list and I felt like no one understood and when I mentioned stopping meds I almost got attacked on line. They all kept saying take her to be evaluated again?? Why?? She's been in the hospital 4 times in the past 1 1/2 yrs. so I don't think more tests are going to tell me anything different.
I think Moms aggitation is part that she was always in control. She was one of the top realtors in this area for over 50 yrs. Was your mom a real in control person. Her way was always right which I will admit she usually was but of course now she isn't.
I don't know how I"m going down there tomorrow and spend the day if she is like this. Last Sun. wasn't too bad we watched the Benglas game and played with the dogs. But she has gotten worse this week. My husband always comes 1/2 hour before I need to leave to see her and help me get out if she gets weepy. She had been keeping busy during the week getting up at 9 for what they call coffee shop and then activities in the afternoon. But the past week or so she is sleeping in and won't go. Complains about the workers she has liked most the time.
When she'd have a good week we'd take her out to eat sometime on sun and she would really enjoyed it. With the holidays I don't know what to do. We have thanksgiving at my mother in laws and the whole family is very close so they care about mom. But if she is angry and aggitated I sure can't take her.
So you don't take them out for holidays either? Doesn't she flip out about that?
Your poor Dad, I"m sure your right that she is making him worse.
I have my moms dog and even found out a couple weeks ago that she can stay with her and I suggested maybe staying the weekends with her. It is odd that she has not brought it up at all. I try so hard to make things better for her. She has her own phone and her own tv with dish network. I don't want to have to turn her phone off, that would be a last resort. I do get to the point now when I unplug my phone at times. When Mom had a good moment she tells me if I lay down for a nap to turn the phone down so it won't wake me.
I am at work this morning but just thinking of having to go home and call her makes my stomach knot up. Its awful to feel that way.
Hopefully the nurse will get the urine test run to see if that has made everything worse.
One thing Mom has complained on and off about is feeling "peppery" under her skin all over. She has no rash so the dr. does not feel its any of the meds. Did you ever hear that? If the next few days gets worse I am going to talk to the director and seriously consider stopping the 2 meds. When we talked about it one time they said sometime there is a rapid decline and if they restart the meds there is no way to bring it back. You know a rapid decline would not be bad. Mom wants to be with my dad and has since he died in 1999. Being so catholic she would never commit suicide. well so I thought til she started talking about it lately.
Thank you again and I pray things get better for you too.
Kathy
Thank you for your post. I was on another list and I felt like no one understood and when I mentioned stopping meds I almost got attacked on line. They all kept saying take her to be evaluated again?? Why?? She's been in the hospital 4 times in the past 1 1/2 yrs. so I don't think more tests are going to tell me anything different.
I think Moms aggitation is part that she was always in control. She was one of the top realtors in this area for over 50 yrs. Was your mom a real in control person. Her way was always right which I will admit she usually was but of course now she isn't.
I don't know how I"m going down there tomorrow and spend the day if she is like this. Last Sun. wasn't too bad we watched the Benglas game and played with the dogs. But she has gotten worse this week. My husband always comes 1/2 hour before I need to leave to see her and help me get out if she gets weepy. She had been keeping busy during the week getting up at 9 for what they call coffee shop and then activities in the afternoon. But the past week or so she is sleeping in and won't go. Complains about the workers she has liked most the time.
When she'd have a good week we'd take her out to eat sometime on sun and she would really enjoyed it. With the holidays I don't know what to do. We have thanksgiving at my mother in laws and the whole family is very close so they care about mom. But if she is angry and aggitated I sure can't take her.
So you don't take them out for holidays either? Doesn't she flip out about that?
Your poor Dad, I"m sure your right that she is making him worse.
I have my moms dog and even found out a couple weeks ago that she can stay with her and I suggested maybe staying the weekends with her. It is odd that she has not brought it up at all. I try so hard to make things better for her. She has her own phone and her own tv with dish network. I don't want to have to turn her phone off, that would be a last resort. I do get to the point now when I unplug my phone at times. When Mom had a good moment she tells me if I lay down for a nap to turn the phone down so it won't wake me.
I am at work this morning but just thinking of having to go home and call her makes my stomach knot up. Its awful to feel that way.
Hopefully the nurse will get the urine test run to see if that has made everything worse.
One thing Mom has complained on and off about is feeling "peppery" under her skin all over. She has no rash so the dr. does not feel its any of the meds. Did you ever hear that? If the next few days gets worse I am going to talk to the director and seriously consider stopping the 2 meds. When we talked about it one time they said sometime there is a rapid decline and if they restart the meds there is no way to bring it back. You know a rapid decline would not be bad. Mom wants to be with my dad and has since he died in 1999. Being so catholic she would never commit suicide. well so I thought til she started talking about it lately.
Thank you again and I pray things get better for you too.
Kathy
Martha H
10-17-2009, 11:09 AM
Wanting to be with a loved one who has passed on does not mean the person is suicidal. My Mom often spoke of her mother and brothers, and actually I have also said such things as "I can't wait to get to Heaven and get a new body!" ... but I didn't mean I would hurry God's plan!
I last took my Mom to a Thanksgiving Dinner at my brother's house in 2004. It was a disaster. Mom pooped in her pants at the dinner table. My niece was pregnant at the time and rushed out to throw up. I was embarrassed. Mom didn't seem to care.
She had never done that before either in private or in public. Going out into a large group may have caused enough stress to make her lose control...
That was the last big family dinner. Mom died in late 2007.
Good luck!
Love,
Martha
I last took my Mom to a Thanksgiving Dinner at my brother's house in 2004. It was a disaster. Mom pooped in her pants at the dinner table. My niece was pregnant at the time and rushed out to throw up. I was embarrassed. Mom didn't seem to care.
She had never done that before either in private or in public. Going out into a large group may have caused enough stress to make her lose control...
That was the last big family dinner. Mom died in late 2007.
Good luck!
Love,
Martha
rio14
10-17-2009, 12:12 PM
Martha
Thanks.
If suicide was an ok thing with the church I am sure my mom would of done that. No she really meant she wish she would of died when Dad did to be with him.
My Mom can seem totally normally at times to where I almose wonder if she needs to be there but then an hour later something is said or done that makes me know she needs to be there. But now her anger at me is getting worse and she is making demands. I talk to her everyday and spend Sun. with her. But its getting harder. When she starts on the phone I say nothing as I will only make it worse. The other day she started throwing around she would get a court order to get into her house I told her I loved her but could not talk to her right now and said goodbye. I know trying to reason only leads to argument and gets us no where.
Kathy
Thanks.
If suicide was an ok thing with the church I am sure my mom would of done that. No she really meant she wish she would of died when Dad did to be with him.
My Mom can seem totally normally at times to where I almose wonder if she needs to be there but then an hour later something is said or done that makes me know she needs to be there. But now her anger at me is getting worse and she is making demands. I talk to her everyday and spend Sun. with her. But its getting harder. When she starts on the phone I say nothing as I will only make it worse. The other day she started throwing around she would get a court order to get into her house I told her I loved her but could not talk to her right now and said goodbye. I know trying to reason only leads to argument and gets us no where.
Kathy
Martha H
10-17-2009, 12:59 PM
Do you have power of attorney over her financial and medical affairs? That would prevent any possibility of some unscrupulous lawyer taking her case. But usually after venting like that they forget what they threatened to do. Yet POA is needed so that you can make important decisions about her care and her finances. Good luck!
Love,
Martha
Love,
Martha
meg1230
10-17-2009, 06:46 PM
Hoh Boy..
I spent 4 hours with mom today that felt like 8.
Reading these last posts reminds me that we are all in this together going through the same things.
Mom wants to go home..wishes she had never left her house. Sometimes I get so sick of hearing it. But I am sure she is sick of wishing it. I have to bite my tongue to keep from screaming..stop it! Most days I am fine with it. Today was rough. Tomorrow will be better.
The other day, just before she had trouble breathing, which prompted me to call 911, she said..."why don't I die?" It was an actual question. (she was fine by the way) She does talk about my late step dad and her parents a lot.
She misses them and wants to see them..and her sisters and her brother.
Kathy, my mom went through the anger part with me too. It did pass. Most everything passes...if you can wait long enough.
My mom is still on Namenda and the Exelon patch...the drug we like the best though for her is 20 mgs of Lexipro. We call it the gift from the baby Jesus.
(and if they block out that last word it is the little baby who was born on Christmas day)
It calms her and she is not so depressed. She is not so nervous..searching searching for things. Lately it is her teeth. She has a fear of people breaking in and stealing her things so she hides everything..including her teeth lately. :dizzy:
Love, Meg
I spent 4 hours with mom today that felt like 8.
Reading these last posts reminds me that we are all in this together going through the same things.
Mom wants to go home..wishes she had never left her house. Sometimes I get so sick of hearing it. But I am sure she is sick of wishing it. I have to bite my tongue to keep from screaming..stop it! Most days I am fine with it. Today was rough. Tomorrow will be better.
The other day, just before she had trouble breathing, which prompted me to call 911, she said..."why don't I die?" It was an actual question. (she was fine by the way) She does talk about my late step dad and her parents a lot.
She misses them and wants to see them..and her sisters and her brother.
Kathy, my mom went through the anger part with me too. It did pass. Most everything passes...if you can wait long enough.
My mom is still on Namenda and the Exelon patch...the drug we like the best though for her is 20 mgs of Lexipro. We call it the gift from the baby Jesus.
(and if they block out that last word it is the little baby who was born on Christmas day)
It calms her and she is not so depressed. She is not so nervous..searching searching for things. Lately it is her teeth. She has a fear of people breaking in and stealing her things so she hides everything..including her teeth lately. :dizzy:
Love, Meg
DGabriel10
10-18-2009, 03:52 AM
Yes Kathy, my Mom was very much in control and extremely intelligent. In her more lucid moments I thinks she realized her brain was failing her and it truly angered her. In her other moments she was sure she was still in control and right. It was a mystery to her why we didn't se it HER way! She does have regrets in her life. Things she wishes she had done differently. Things she planed to do later in life that will not happen. It od think this all plays a part as well.
Christmas before last we took Mom to my sister's for Christmas. It was a disaster. She accused my sister of stealing her table cloth and spent most of the day either yelling or sobbing hysterically. Last year I attempted to arrange to have the "familiy" Christmas at the facility but a couple of my nieces didn't want to go there because it was "too depressing". So we again went to my sister's. I shadowed Mom all day keeping her focused rather than just letting her be a part of the whole. It did work better but she still had several break downs. We did NOT take her out for Thanksgiving last year. Actually she ask me why in the world would they serve Turkey for lunch?!?! She had NO clue what day it was. To her it was just another day of the week. She is much worse this year than last year so no, she will not be going out for "family" celebrations this year. I will probably visit with them and bring them part of our dinner... but they will remain where they are. That is not for my benefit but for theirs :)
I tried, as you are, to make Mom happy. I installed a phone which I subsequently had taken out because she insisted on calling 911 to report that we had stolen her van. Eventually she had no idea how to use it and walked around with the TV remote trying to make phone calls. She has a nice flat screen TV. She could not focus enough to watch it. Her ability to process auditory input make it difficult for her to understand what she was hearing. So I put it on Closed Caption so she could read what was being said. Eventually she lost her ability to read fast enough to keep up. The TV is now at my house. I tried it all.... and to this day my Mom is still not a happy woman.
What I have learned is that I can NOT make my Mom happy. There is nothing I can do, say, or give her that will make her happy. It is a function of the disease and I can't take that away. So rather than railing against the disease, as my Mom is, I have to learn how to accept, incorporate, and accommodate. I can't make Mom be anything other than what she is. It was at that point that my anxiety seemed to go away.
My mom picks up on my anxiety. When I go in wired and anxious then she responds in kind. If I bounce in with a treat and a smile, find a reason to laugh and stay positive, then she will usually follow my lead. There are those days she is going to be weepy or angry and I allow her to be just that. There are days she cries the entire time I am there. Sometimes I just sit on the couch with her and hold her while she cries. It is what she needs to do in the moment. There are other days she is angry. I would probably be one ticked off puppy if I was in her shoes as well. I just reassure her as best I can and let her rail away. Other days she will start out with an angry story and I will find a sarcastic comment to laugh at. Then she will start to laugh and it's over. Yep, I have learned that even in Alzheimer's Mom is entitled to her feelings. She doesn't express them appropriately but that's ok. She is doing the best she can. By remaining calm and cheerful myself, she sometimes will follow my lead to that happier place. So set your mine to positive. Mom can spot a fake better than I can. It was only after I truly accepted her disease that she began to pick up on that acceptance :) That and a boat load of medication!!
As I said... Mom dropped 8 points on her mini mental before we stopped the two meds. It was obvious that the meds were not working for her at that point. Yes, she had a dramatic decline after she was off the meds but we can't blame it on the meds. The psychiatrist did tell me that it was not unusual for an Alz patient to experience those dramatic drops. The brain is hard wires to do certain things in more than one way. If path one is blocked with tangles then it just uses path two. As more and more is blocked they will show a slow decline as they find new paths. But eventually that last significant path is blocked and it just all seems to fail rapidly. he did tell me that this was very typical in extremely intellegent individuals. They find a way around the cognitive failings... until there is nothing left to use. I did talk to the psychiatrist about putting Mom back on the two meds (because of my sisters request) and he assured me that at Mom's level of cognition that it was not advisable. He assure dme that her rapid decline was from the normal progression of her disease combined with the stress of the separation from Dad, the move, and the hospitalization.
We each have to make very difficult decisions about the care of our parents. Yes, with doctor's recommendation, Mom stopped the two meds. It was what was best for her. You need to talk to everybody connected with your Mom's care. Find out what her Mimi mental score is and what drop she has had. Perhaps you might want to reduce the dosage or stop one of the meds to see what reaction you get. There are options rather than taking both cold turkey.
I totally agree that her getting worse is not necessarily the worst thing that could happen. When they are as miserable as your Mom and my Mom.... staying where they are is the worst thing that could happen.
As for the "suicidal" thoughts... My Mom has wished for her own death since the day she realized she had this disease. She doesn't want to live with this disease. She has watched it consume so many that she loved and she knows what it does to the patient and the family. That is not an irrational thought. Mom has never acted on these thoughts. She, like any of us would, wishes it was not so and would rather not have to live with it. This was her choice even before she came down with the disease. I will say that there are times that death is not the worst that can happen. (hope nobody kicks me for that one :)
I went to see MOm and Dad today, and it was a good day. Mom helped me iron Dad's shirts. I used the iron and she used a comb. I put them on a hanger and she would take them off. But we laughed and it was a good day :)
Love, deb
Christmas before last we took Mom to my sister's for Christmas. It was a disaster. She accused my sister of stealing her table cloth and spent most of the day either yelling or sobbing hysterically. Last year I attempted to arrange to have the "familiy" Christmas at the facility but a couple of my nieces didn't want to go there because it was "too depressing". So we again went to my sister's. I shadowed Mom all day keeping her focused rather than just letting her be a part of the whole. It did work better but she still had several break downs. We did NOT take her out for Thanksgiving last year. Actually she ask me why in the world would they serve Turkey for lunch?!?! She had NO clue what day it was. To her it was just another day of the week. She is much worse this year than last year so no, she will not be going out for "family" celebrations this year. I will probably visit with them and bring them part of our dinner... but they will remain where they are. That is not for my benefit but for theirs :)
I tried, as you are, to make Mom happy. I installed a phone which I subsequently had taken out because she insisted on calling 911 to report that we had stolen her van. Eventually she had no idea how to use it and walked around with the TV remote trying to make phone calls. She has a nice flat screen TV. She could not focus enough to watch it. Her ability to process auditory input make it difficult for her to understand what she was hearing. So I put it on Closed Caption so she could read what was being said. Eventually she lost her ability to read fast enough to keep up. The TV is now at my house. I tried it all.... and to this day my Mom is still not a happy woman.
What I have learned is that I can NOT make my Mom happy. There is nothing I can do, say, or give her that will make her happy. It is a function of the disease and I can't take that away. So rather than railing against the disease, as my Mom is, I have to learn how to accept, incorporate, and accommodate. I can't make Mom be anything other than what she is. It was at that point that my anxiety seemed to go away.
My mom picks up on my anxiety. When I go in wired and anxious then she responds in kind. If I bounce in with a treat and a smile, find a reason to laugh and stay positive, then she will usually follow my lead. There are those days she is going to be weepy or angry and I allow her to be just that. There are days she cries the entire time I am there. Sometimes I just sit on the couch with her and hold her while she cries. It is what she needs to do in the moment. There are other days she is angry. I would probably be one ticked off puppy if I was in her shoes as well. I just reassure her as best I can and let her rail away. Other days she will start out with an angry story and I will find a sarcastic comment to laugh at. Then she will start to laugh and it's over. Yep, I have learned that even in Alzheimer's Mom is entitled to her feelings. She doesn't express them appropriately but that's ok. She is doing the best she can. By remaining calm and cheerful myself, she sometimes will follow my lead to that happier place. So set your mine to positive. Mom can spot a fake better than I can. It was only after I truly accepted her disease that she began to pick up on that acceptance :) That and a boat load of medication!!
As I said... Mom dropped 8 points on her mini mental before we stopped the two meds. It was obvious that the meds were not working for her at that point. Yes, she had a dramatic decline after she was off the meds but we can't blame it on the meds. The psychiatrist did tell me that it was not unusual for an Alz patient to experience those dramatic drops. The brain is hard wires to do certain things in more than one way. If path one is blocked with tangles then it just uses path two. As more and more is blocked they will show a slow decline as they find new paths. But eventually that last significant path is blocked and it just all seems to fail rapidly. he did tell me that this was very typical in extremely intellegent individuals. They find a way around the cognitive failings... until there is nothing left to use. I did talk to the psychiatrist about putting Mom back on the two meds (because of my sisters request) and he assured me that at Mom's level of cognition that it was not advisable. He assure dme that her rapid decline was from the normal progression of her disease combined with the stress of the separation from Dad, the move, and the hospitalization.
We each have to make very difficult decisions about the care of our parents. Yes, with doctor's recommendation, Mom stopped the two meds. It was what was best for her. You need to talk to everybody connected with your Mom's care. Find out what her Mimi mental score is and what drop she has had. Perhaps you might want to reduce the dosage or stop one of the meds to see what reaction you get. There are options rather than taking both cold turkey.
I totally agree that her getting worse is not necessarily the worst thing that could happen. When they are as miserable as your Mom and my Mom.... staying where they are is the worst thing that could happen.
As for the "suicidal" thoughts... My Mom has wished for her own death since the day she realized she had this disease. She doesn't want to live with this disease. She has watched it consume so many that she loved and she knows what it does to the patient and the family. That is not an irrational thought. Mom has never acted on these thoughts. She, like any of us would, wishes it was not so and would rather not have to live with it. This was her choice even before she came down with the disease. I will say that there are times that death is not the worst that can happen. (hope nobody kicks me for that one :)
I went to see MOm and Dad today, and it was a good day. Mom helped me iron Dad's shirts. I used the iron and she used a comb. I put them on a hanger and she would take them off. But we laughed and it was a good day :)
Love, deb
rio14
10-18-2009, 04:52 PM
Deb
Been a tough couple days. They finally got a urine specimen today and will get preliminary report tomorrow if she has in infection. At this point I am hoping she does. She was so angry yesterday and the 2nd time she called she wanted a suitcase cause she was going to the motel. An hour later she leaves a message and says this is your daughter that you love and I am sitting here waiting with all my clothes piled on the bed. I talked to the nurse this morning and she said no her clothes were'nt pulled out and piled up. I had made my mind up to avoid her calls for a couple days. I talk to her daily as she has a phone and usually I feel better after talking to her. But when she is like this she just gets angry and rants and raves. This is why I am thinking another uti. At least before she'd keep busy with activities during the week and just complain about nothing to do on the weekend.
I guess I'm weak but it makes me feel physically ill not to call her when she is leaving crying messages to please call her. She sounds so pitiful. I started with a scatchy throat today so I really did not have to fib when I gave him and called her this afternoon and told her about my throat ( today is my usual day to spend there with her.) She was crying but said she feels better talking to me and sorry I was sick. Then she throws in that she has all the stuff out of her closet. I said why and she said cause I"m not staying here and am moving home til I can find a small house to buy.
God forbid this is not a uti just the progression getting worse. I will need to find out how to deal then. Do I come out and say no you can't leave there? Do I say as long as you keep talking about it I can't come see cause I don't want to get in a fight? Do you have any suggestions? I'm not so good at this tough love thing.
My husband says mom can't lose me so he does not think she would do anything risk that. I just don't know how far to push it.
My son who is close to mom thinks she should be told the truth about vascular dimentia. I have told her mini strokes but not the other name for it. He thinks she feels she does not belong there and maybe if she knew something was wrong she'd try to let them help her there. At this point at times I feel like what I am doing isn't working so maybe he is right. He said he'll do it though I'm sure I'll hear about it. I still say she'll wants to see proof.
A little over a month we are out of town for 10 to Vegas and I think that is what is keeping me going!
How are you doing? I"m sorry to be asking so many questions. I hope one day I will develop wisdom in all this and can help someone else thru it.
Hugs--
Kathy
Been a tough couple days. They finally got a urine specimen today and will get preliminary report tomorrow if she has in infection. At this point I am hoping she does. She was so angry yesterday and the 2nd time she called she wanted a suitcase cause she was going to the motel. An hour later she leaves a message and says this is your daughter that you love and I am sitting here waiting with all my clothes piled on the bed. I talked to the nurse this morning and she said no her clothes were'nt pulled out and piled up. I had made my mind up to avoid her calls for a couple days. I talk to her daily as she has a phone and usually I feel better after talking to her. But when she is like this she just gets angry and rants and raves. This is why I am thinking another uti. At least before she'd keep busy with activities during the week and just complain about nothing to do on the weekend.
I guess I'm weak but it makes me feel physically ill not to call her when she is leaving crying messages to please call her. She sounds so pitiful. I started with a scatchy throat today so I really did not have to fib when I gave him and called her this afternoon and told her about my throat ( today is my usual day to spend there with her.) She was crying but said she feels better talking to me and sorry I was sick. Then she throws in that she has all the stuff out of her closet. I said why and she said cause I"m not staying here and am moving home til I can find a small house to buy.
God forbid this is not a uti just the progression getting worse. I will need to find out how to deal then. Do I come out and say no you can't leave there? Do I say as long as you keep talking about it I can't come see cause I don't want to get in a fight? Do you have any suggestions? I'm not so good at this tough love thing.
My husband says mom can't lose me so he does not think she would do anything risk that. I just don't know how far to push it.
My son who is close to mom thinks she should be told the truth about vascular dimentia. I have told her mini strokes but not the other name for it. He thinks she feels she does not belong there and maybe if she knew something was wrong she'd try to let them help her there. At this point at times I feel like what I am doing isn't working so maybe he is right. He said he'll do it though I'm sure I'll hear about it. I still say she'll wants to see proof.
A little over a month we are out of town for 10 to Vegas and I think that is what is keeping me going!
How are you doing? I"m sorry to be asking so many questions. I hope one day I will develop wisdom in all this and can help someone else thru it.
Hugs--
Kathy
rio14
10-18-2009, 05:41 PM
Deb
I missed your last post til after I posted above. Guess my head isn't on straight right now.
What is the highest on the mimi test? I'll note to ask them when they call with urine results.
I am so glad you had a good day with them. I know how precious those are.
Mom hasn't called 911 ....yet. And in the beginning I had them put a key on her door so no one can just walk in. Most things she is still sharp with though she mainly can only get Hallmark channel on her tv.
When I would visit after an hour or so I would get her out of the room to sit in the middle area. Lots of people would stop and see the dogs and talk to us. I think she caught on to that so now its harder to get her out. She said the dogs get so much attention and we can't talk! Thats right!!
My father in law died last Oct. of alzheimers..he had it for 8 yrs and was probably the best case. He was always happy and only snapped at my mother in law twice. Toward the end she caught him flushing his undies down the toilet and she yelled and another time he wanted to go to work in the middle of the night. Besides that he was always happy and the only thing he could remember was that he could not remember. I can't compare moms vascular dementia with him at all. I think she'd be happier if she didn't remember.
Deb I know thinking death may not be a bad thing. Its awful the way we need to think about things now. But seeing them suffer like this is like watching them drown and not being able to do anything.
Thanks again...Deb and Meg!! It helps so much to know I'm not alone.
Hugs--
Kathy
I missed your last post til after I posted above. Guess my head isn't on straight right now.
What is the highest on the mimi test? I'll note to ask them when they call with urine results.
I am so glad you had a good day with them. I know how precious those are.
Mom hasn't called 911 ....yet. And in the beginning I had them put a key on her door so no one can just walk in. Most things she is still sharp with though she mainly can only get Hallmark channel on her tv.
When I would visit after an hour or so I would get her out of the room to sit in the middle area. Lots of people would stop and see the dogs and talk to us. I think she caught on to that so now its harder to get her out. She said the dogs get so much attention and we can't talk! Thats right!!
My father in law died last Oct. of alzheimers..he had it for 8 yrs and was probably the best case. He was always happy and only snapped at my mother in law twice. Toward the end she caught him flushing his undies down the toilet and she yelled and another time he wanted to go to work in the middle of the night. Besides that he was always happy and the only thing he could remember was that he could not remember. I can't compare moms vascular dementia with him at all. I think she'd be happier if she didn't remember.
Deb I know thinking death may not be a bad thing. Its awful the way we need to think about things now. But seeing them suffer like this is like watching them drown and not being able to do anything.
Thanks again...Deb and Meg!! It helps so much to know I'm not alone.
Hugs--
Kathy
Martha H
10-18-2009, 09:03 PM
There is no sense in telling a person that they have dementia. It is a scary word, "loaded' with fear and anxiety and dreadful connotations. Mom never knew she had it. She was at the NH because her hip broke and she needed to learn to walk again. Months later when it was obvious to all that she was not going to walk again this was the story. You will go home as soon as you can walk again. Never even mentioned forgetfulness or anything like it. She was happy.
Love,
Martha
Love,
Martha
meg1230
10-18-2009, 09:04 PM
KAthy, I too have been through the angry calls. With my mom it had to do with them delivering her pills to her. She was appalled that anyone had to do it when she could do it herself!!! Harumph!!!
(of course she could not handle her own meds)
It was after she moved in and the pill dispensing began. It was horrible. She would call every morning just irate...asking why why why can't I take my own pills? I was a nervous wreck when the phone rang..heck, I was a nervous wreck when the phone didn't ring just knowing it would soon ring! It eventually subsided but I had to try everything to get her over the hump.
For us, it finally was a big ole lie we had to tell her that worked. We told her that if she didn't allow the aid to give her the meds, the aide would be fired for lack of anything for her to do..and if she was fired what would happen to her poor little children.
Kathy, I also try not to let her harp on things for too long in a conversation. Once my mom starts on something negative, I "drive the bus" in another direction. Or, in other words, I change the subject and drag her along with me. If I am on the phone with her and she starts, I might pretend to "drop a jar of mayonaisse" .."OH MOM! I just dropped a jar of mayonnaise! How am I gonna clean this up and oh my gosh you should see all the glass on the floor!!!! Hey mom remember the time you dropped...etc., etc. " OR..If I am there with her I point out an imaginary low flying airplane...it works every darn time. That's what I mean by "driving the bus" . You steer the conversation the best you can. This is a learned process. Try it.
As for telling her the truth about what she has...good luck. But it doesn't work most of the time. For us, we tried to tell mom she had Alzehimers...well, she responded by using the F word and trying to throw a luggage rack at me!:eek:
And even if you tell her she will forget, so how's that gonna make things better? But if your brother insists on teling her make sure he wears protective head gear. :D
We know this is hard but you'll get through it. Breathe and try to stay as calm as you can.
Or you can lose it like I did one day when I slammed the door so darned hard in frustration that I BROKE it! Crap. It is still held together with duct tape. :o
Oh and while I am thinking of it, I think it was Deb one time that said they respond to your mood...or your facial expressions. I never (or TRY to never) raise my voice. I try to speak in a low volume, calm manner. I try to smile and keep things upbeat with my tone of voice. Frustration on our part breeds frustration on theirs..if you get my drift.
Love, Meg
(of course she could not handle her own meds)
It was after she moved in and the pill dispensing began. It was horrible. She would call every morning just irate...asking why why why can't I take my own pills? I was a nervous wreck when the phone rang..heck, I was a nervous wreck when the phone didn't ring just knowing it would soon ring! It eventually subsided but I had to try everything to get her over the hump.
For us, it finally was a big ole lie we had to tell her that worked. We told her that if she didn't allow the aid to give her the meds, the aide would be fired for lack of anything for her to do..and if she was fired what would happen to her poor little children.
Kathy, I also try not to let her harp on things for too long in a conversation. Once my mom starts on something negative, I "drive the bus" in another direction. Or, in other words, I change the subject and drag her along with me. If I am on the phone with her and she starts, I might pretend to "drop a jar of mayonaisse" .."OH MOM! I just dropped a jar of mayonnaise! How am I gonna clean this up and oh my gosh you should see all the glass on the floor!!!! Hey mom remember the time you dropped...etc., etc. " OR..If I am there with her I point out an imaginary low flying airplane...it works every darn time. That's what I mean by "driving the bus" . You steer the conversation the best you can. This is a learned process. Try it.
As for telling her the truth about what she has...good luck. But it doesn't work most of the time. For us, we tried to tell mom she had Alzehimers...well, she responded by using the F word and trying to throw a luggage rack at me!:eek:
And even if you tell her she will forget, so how's that gonna make things better? But if your brother insists on teling her make sure he wears protective head gear. :D
We know this is hard but you'll get through it. Breathe and try to stay as calm as you can.
Or you can lose it like I did one day when I slammed the door so darned hard in frustration that I BROKE it! Crap. It is still held together with duct tape. :o
Oh and while I am thinking of it, I think it was Deb one time that said they respond to your mood...or your facial expressions. I never (or TRY to never) raise my voice. I try to speak in a low volume, calm manner. I try to smile and keep things upbeat with my tone of voice. Frustration on our part breeds frustration on theirs..if you get my drift.
Love, Meg
DGabriel10
10-19-2009, 12:15 AM
First thing you have to remember kathy is that your Mom is NOT doing this intentionally. She can't help it. The things she believes are just as real to her as the things we believe. As warped as they may be... they are HER reality.
You can explain all you want to but your Mom doesn't have the ability to retain what she hears. If you explain to her that she has dementia it will be a shocking blow. Then she will forget and you are back to square one. Each time she hears it she will be once again shocked.
Meg is right. You need to drive the bus and not let Mom drag you along with her. If she is being negative then come up with something different to talk about. It might take several attempts but they can be distracted. If you need to talk to your Mom then do so. You just need to remember that what you are hearing is filtered though her disease. Some of it may have an element of twisted truth and some is a product of her delusions. When it is all said and done you are sitting on the floor in tears stressed to the max and Mom is tripping down the hall to supper.
Mom called me one day totally distraught. She went on and on railing like a wild woman. She wanted two men and a truck, a taxi, was packing to go home, hated that hell hole blah blah blah. I was beginning to be sucked in when I heard her door open. She brightened right up. Chatted with whoever was at the door for a while after laying the phone down and forgetting about me totally. I listened to her pleasant chatter with one of the caregivers that had stopped by to check on her until Dad noticed the phone off the hook and hung up. I wanted a while and called back.... she was back to railing about going home. I called later to find out that she had gone down to supper and had everybody at the table laughing. They are very much in the moment. It is us that hangs on to the negative feelings they feed us.
Thta is why I divert, redirect, take what is said with a grain of salt, and keep a positive outlook. Sometimes I let her cry and sometimes I let her rail but most of the time I make it as upbeat as possible. Then I try to leave her angst behind me... just as she does when she goes to supper :) It has taken a while but not I get more positive responses from Mom instead of the constant negativity that was always thrown my way. You Mom probably sees you as her ticket home.
As for what to tell Mom about being there. When she ask to go home I tell Mom that she is paid up until the end of the month and we will discuss it then. I tell her that dad needs physical therapy and we will discuss it about he is better. I tell her that my sister is coming on Sunday and we will talk about it after that. I tell her whatever is necessary to get through the moment. The other thing I do is tell rather than ask. I don't ask if she wants to go sit in the living room, I just take her hand and start walking. She follows. I tell her we are going to sit in the living room or on the porch. Then I take off and she follows. If given a choice... she will say NO or I don't know. Those are her pat answers. She had no idea what she is declining but it's better to her than ending up in a situation that she can't handle so everything is NO NO NO.
I do understand the wish for a UIT.... I did a happy dance outside of the facility one day when the doctor winked at me and said she had started Antibiotics because the UTI was positive. It was the best news!! I do hope your Mom has a UTI :)
Love, deb
You can explain all you want to but your Mom doesn't have the ability to retain what she hears. If you explain to her that she has dementia it will be a shocking blow. Then she will forget and you are back to square one. Each time she hears it she will be once again shocked.
Meg is right. You need to drive the bus and not let Mom drag you along with her. If she is being negative then come up with something different to talk about. It might take several attempts but they can be distracted. If you need to talk to your Mom then do so. You just need to remember that what you are hearing is filtered though her disease. Some of it may have an element of twisted truth and some is a product of her delusions. When it is all said and done you are sitting on the floor in tears stressed to the max and Mom is tripping down the hall to supper.
Mom called me one day totally distraught. She went on and on railing like a wild woman. She wanted two men and a truck, a taxi, was packing to go home, hated that hell hole blah blah blah. I was beginning to be sucked in when I heard her door open. She brightened right up. Chatted with whoever was at the door for a while after laying the phone down and forgetting about me totally. I listened to her pleasant chatter with one of the caregivers that had stopped by to check on her until Dad noticed the phone off the hook and hung up. I wanted a while and called back.... she was back to railing about going home. I called later to find out that she had gone down to supper and had everybody at the table laughing. They are very much in the moment. It is us that hangs on to the negative feelings they feed us.
Thta is why I divert, redirect, take what is said with a grain of salt, and keep a positive outlook. Sometimes I let her cry and sometimes I let her rail but most of the time I make it as upbeat as possible. Then I try to leave her angst behind me... just as she does when she goes to supper :) It has taken a while but not I get more positive responses from Mom instead of the constant negativity that was always thrown my way. You Mom probably sees you as her ticket home.
As for what to tell Mom about being there. When she ask to go home I tell Mom that she is paid up until the end of the month and we will discuss it then. I tell her that dad needs physical therapy and we will discuss it about he is better. I tell her that my sister is coming on Sunday and we will talk about it after that. I tell her whatever is necessary to get through the moment. The other thing I do is tell rather than ask. I don't ask if she wants to go sit in the living room, I just take her hand and start walking. She follows. I tell her we are going to sit in the living room or on the porch. Then I take off and she follows. If given a choice... she will say NO or I don't know. Those are her pat answers. She had no idea what she is declining but it's better to her than ending up in a situation that she can't handle so everything is NO NO NO.
I do understand the wish for a UIT.... I did a happy dance outside of the facility one day when the doctor winked at me and said she had started Antibiotics because the UTI was positive. It was the best news!! I do hope your Mom has a UTI :)
Love, deb
rio14
10-19-2009, 09:46 AM
HI
So much of what you say fits totally and I know it will take some practice.
On thing with my Mom is at times like now if she is crying and ranting to me she is also doing it to everyone there too. Its not that I am her only target which I know at times can be the case. The one caregiver said she has noticed a lot more anger in mom since she was in the hospital in August. At that time she did have a uti plus the big med change was taking her off the ativan she had taken for years. It seemed to clear up the depression and crying all the time but now we have more anger with some depression and crying thrown in.
I guess for now we'll see if its a uti and go from there. Last week the dr. did increase her klonopin so we also need to see if that chills her out a bit. If not then I guess another med change maybe.
I am really thankful to have found you guys. I value your input so much and sorry we are all on the same path. And its nice to not be judged like the other list I had found seem to do.
Now to try and wake up and face another day...
Love,
Kathy
So much of what you say fits totally and I know it will take some practice.
On thing with my Mom is at times like now if she is crying and ranting to me she is also doing it to everyone there too. Its not that I am her only target which I know at times can be the case. The one caregiver said she has noticed a lot more anger in mom since she was in the hospital in August. At that time she did have a uti plus the big med change was taking her off the ativan she had taken for years. It seemed to clear up the depression and crying all the time but now we have more anger with some depression and crying thrown in.
I guess for now we'll see if its a uti and go from there. Last week the dr. did increase her klonopin so we also need to see if that chills her out a bit. If not then I guess another med change maybe.
I am really thankful to have found you guys. I value your input so much and sorry we are all on the same path. And its nice to not be judged like the other list I had found seem to do.
Now to try and wake up and face another day...
Love,
Kathy
skimps46
10-19-2009, 12:45 PM
Next Sunday is my birthday. Yeah, another one. This one is #55 - the ol' double nickel. And in my aged wisdom, I have found a new truth...
rio, you ended your last post with "Now to try and wake up and face another day..."...and it hit me that "getting through another day" is SUCH a waste! It seems the distance between 30 and 55 yrs old was about, oh, a week and a half. And I never want to just "get through" another day.
See if today, Rio, if you can find something that makes you smile from ear to ear, something that makes you laugh out loud, and something that makes you feel empathetically towards someone else OTHER than your mom.
I figured out that I spent 4 years - FOUR YEARS - with no focus other than daddy, and now that he is gone, I am four years older and have not much to show for it.
I will spend every day now looking for the joy. Give it a shot, Rio. Even though our focus is so heavily on our loved one, it might make a difference to you.
...lil' deb
rio, you ended your last post with "Now to try and wake up and face another day..."...and it hit me that "getting through another day" is SUCH a waste! It seems the distance between 30 and 55 yrs old was about, oh, a week and a half. And I never want to just "get through" another day.
See if today, Rio, if you can find something that makes you smile from ear to ear, something that makes you laugh out loud, and something that makes you feel empathetically towards someone else OTHER than your mom.
I figured out that I spent 4 years - FOUR YEARS - with no focus other than daddy, and now that he is gone, I am four years older and have not much to show for it.
I will spend every day now looking for the joy. Give it a shot, Rio. Even though our focus is so heavily on our loved one, it might make a difference to you.
...lil' deb
DGabriel10
10-19-2009, 01:03 PM
..."noticed a lot of anger since she was in the hospital in August".....
You do know that hospitalizations, moves, or other disruptions in their routine will cause a decline that may or may not be permanent. Many times it takes them down a couple of notches and they come back one. Mom's hospitalization in May was a HUGE step down for her.
Ativan can be addictive and you will see changes in bahavior when they are taken off Ativan, Xanax, or any of the Benzos. I have found that Ativan contributes to Mom and Dad's depression and agitation. Strange that it's a medication for agitation but can cause agitation huh? Demetia related behavior problems are not static. What works today may not be effective tomorrow so it is a constant assessment and adjustment process to keep it where it needs to be. Yes, it takes four to six weeks to know the full effect of many of the psychotic medications.
Do remember that sometimes they need to be angry at this disease that has flipped their world upside down and they don't have a clue how or why it happened. Sometimes they need to cry because of all they have lost and don't know where it has gone. Dementia patients still have emotions. They just don't know how to express them like you and I do. No, we can't fix what is wrong. That's when medication does help. But expressing those emotions is going to happen. It's a delicate balance between being ok and not ok. It sounds like you are doing a good job of trying to keep on top of Mom's emotional state as well as her physical :)
I am totally with Little Deb. Don't just survive the day dealing with Mom. You need to have a life as well. When you get totally sucked into a tragic situation and can't see your way out you lose those years. I like Little Deb have been there and learned. Yes, I have two parents with dementia to care for. Yes, that phone can ring and I will have to run to the facility or met a parent in the ER.... but there are days I go out to lunch with a friend and catch an afternoon comedy movie where we both laugh until we hurt. I also ride my bike, leave for a few days to go see my daughter, and like today I might just sit in my jammies until lunch time :) The last time Dad went to the ER I received the call as I got up from lunch with my friend. I just left from there and spent 8 hours with Dad in the ER. But I had that wonderful lunch of Shrimp and Grits and laughter with my friend to carry me through. I have said this so many times..... you need BALANCE!! You deal with Mom for a while and then move on to dealing with your other life for a while :) Then you can go back to Mom with a clearer head and a better spirit.
WE ARE WHAT WE THINK!! I can't say that enough. So dwell on the positive, find a reason to laugh and smile, accept what is, and do what you can but don't expect more than is achievable :)
I am still praying for a UTI!!!!!
Love, deb
You do know that hospitalizations, moves, or other disruptions in their routine will cause a decline that may or may not be permanent. Many times it takes them down a couple of notches and they come back one. Mom's hospitalization in May was a HUGE step down for her.
Ativan can be addictive and you will see changes in bahavior when they are taken off Ativan, Xanax, or any of the Benzos. I have found that Ativan contributes to Mom and Dad's depression and agitation. Strange that it's a medication for agitation but can cause agitation huh? Demetia related behavior problems are not static. What works today may not be effective tomorrow so it is a constant assessment and adjustment process to keep it where it needs to be. Yes, it takes four to six weeks to know the full effect of many of the psychotic medications.
Do remember that sometimes they need to be angry at this disease that has flipped their world upside down and they don't have a clue how or why it happened. Sometimes they need to cry because of all they have lost and don't know where it has gone. Dementia patients still have emotions. They just don't know how to express them like you and I do. No, we can't fix what is wrong. That's when medication does help. But expressing those emotions is going to happen. It's a delicate balance between being ok and not ok. It sounds like you are doing a good job of trying to keep on top of Mom's emotional state as well as her physical :)
I am totally with Little Deb. Don't just survive the day dealing with Mom. You need to have a life as well. When you get totally sucked into a tragic situation and can't see your way out you lose those years. I like Little Deb have been there and learned. Yes, I have two parents with dementia to care for. Yes, that phone can ring and I will have to run to the facility or met a parent in the ER.... but there are days I go out to lunch with a friend and catch an afternoon comedy movie where we both laugh until we hurt. I also ride my bike, leave for a few days to go see my daughter, and like today I might just sit in my jammies until lunch time :) The last time Dad went to the ER I received the call as I got up from lunch with my friend. I just left from there and spent 8 hours with Dad in the ER. But I had that wonderful lunch of Shrimp and Grits and laughter with my friend to carry me through. I have said this so many times..... you need BALANCE!! You deal with Mom for a while and then move on to dealing with your other life for a while :) Then you can go back to Mom with a clearer head and a better spirit.
WE ARE WHAT WE THINK!! I can't say that enough. So dwell on the positive, find a reason to laugh and smile, accept what is, and do what you can but don't expect more than is achievable :)
I am still praying for a UTI!!!!!
Love, deb
rio14
10-20-2009, 04:34 PM
Hi All
MOM HAS A UTI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:)))))))))))))))))))
I am praying this has been the reason for the latest. I was going to go see her tomorrow but think I"ll let the meds kick in first!
I talked to her after lunch and she wasn't mean or crying this time. She did say she thought she'd be out of there by now but I got sick (allergies but I told her sinus infection). She said she does have all her drawers and closet cleaned out so she can put it all in her dresser at home. I said nothing. When we hung up I called and talked to the health aide who she really likes and she said mom did clean her closet out but nothing is packed and she never mentioned leaving. She said mom is mild compared to some with a urnine infection. She said some are very very combative. Mom also said her lawyer has been trying to reach me. No he hasn't.
I hope these meds improve some of this. Its never great but this is the worst its been.
I can't remember if I mentioned it or not. (your around them too much the mind starts going....ugh). About a month ago a really nice man moved in with his dog. Him and Mom became fast friends and sat together to eat. Not many in her area can really carry conversations. He talked a lot about going home and I am guessing his finances (since this is a new thing she is harping on ). 3 weeks later his other siblings up north decide to move him up there. Mom called me crying that he was moving. She thinks he is moving in with a brother but I told her he is moving to another assited living. I knew him leaving would depress her. I guess that, with the urine infection and thinking he can leave so can I just snowballed everything.
I'll let you know how it goes.
Thanks you guys!!
Love,
Kathy
MOM HAS A UTI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:)))))))))))))))))))
I am praying this has been the reason for the latest. I was going to go see her tomorrow but think I"ll let the meds kick in first!
I talked to her after lunch and she wasn't mean or crying this time. She did say she thought she'd be out of there by now but I got sick (allergies but I told her sinus infection). She said she does have all her drawers and closet cleaned out so she can put it all in her dresser at home. I said nothing. When we hung up I called and talked to the health aide who she really likes and she said mom did clean her closet out but nothing is packed and she never mentioned leaving. She said mom is mild compared to some with a urnine infection. She said some are very very combative. Mom also said her lawyer has been trying to reach me. No he hasn't.
I hope these meds improve some of this. Its never great but this is the worst its been.
I can't remember if I mentioned it or not. (your around them too much the mind starts going....ugh). About a month ago a really nice man moved in with his dog. Him and Mom became fast friends and sat together to eat. Not many in her area can really carry conversations. He talked a lot about going home and I am guessing his finances (since this is a new thing she is harping on ). 3 weeks later his other siblings up north decide to move him up there. Mom called me crying that he was moving. She thinks he is moving in with a brother but I told her he is moving to another assited living. I knew him leaving would depress her. I guess that, with the urine infection and thinking he can leave so can I just snowballed everything.
I'll let you know how it goes.
Thanks you guys!!
Love,
Kathy
Martha H
10-20-2009, 09:28 PM
I hope she will be much calmer and more rational once the infection clears up.
Love,
Martha
Love,
Martha
meg1230
10-20-2009, 11:17 PM
Ya gotta love it. Who else but us cheers when we see someone has tested positive for UTI! :wave:
Kathy, my mom harps on finances too and it gets worse when other residents bring it up. :dizzy: Lately it seems that daily I am trying to assure her that her finances are fine.
We will all be keeping out fingers crossed that she gets better fast.
Love, Meg
Kathy, my mom harps on finances too and it gets worse when other residents bring it up. :dizzy: Lately it seems that daily I am trying to assure her that her finances are fine.
We will all be keeping out fingers crossed that she gets better fast.
Love, Meg
skimps46
10-21-2009, 01:07 AM
My precious daddy, right up till his last two weeks would look at me and exclaim, "I ain't got no damn MONEY!" It disturbed him. So, I went to the bank and got one $20, one $10, two $5s, and 5 $1 bills. I put it in his wallet (which he could never find because I kept track of it and kept it in the drawer), and when he would get all upset, I would bring out his wallet and show him. It calmed him down, and he would be all delighted and say, "Wheeee! I'm rich!" And then he would count it - carefully and accurately - and the discussion would be over.
I also had a "dummy" check register to show him that he had LOTS of money in the bank.
Whatever it takes, I guess...
...lil' deb
I also had a "dummy" check register to show him that he had LOTS of money in the bank.
Whatever it takes, I guess...
...lil' deb
DGabriel10
10-21-2009, 03:38 AM
I'm doing the happy dance Kathy!! :bouncing: I know that feeling of excitement when you find a reason for the chaos!!! Hopefully as the meds kick in, and it will take a few days to get the full effect, your mom will be MUCH better.
Yep, Mom and Dad harp on the finances all the time. I have done what little deb has done with Dad. I put a few bills in his wallet and an expired credit card. The only problem is that Mom swipes it to pay for her taxi home. Then I have to go search Mom's room to retrieve it and put it back in Dad's wallet. Dad also likes to pay for his meals. The caregivers will take his money and then put it back in his wallet. There is a five and a few ones and they are getting worn out. For a while I would give Mom a copy of her financial statement. She could look at it nd it did help for a while because it was a visual reminder and she doesn't comprehend auditory very well. But not she's stopped asking about it and just swipes Dad's $5.
You never know what is going to upset them. Dad has lost weight since his episode in the hospital a few weeks ago. Today he was agitated in the bathroom and it took a while to figure out why. He couldn't get his belt tight enough. There was not enough holes in it. His belt is now swapped for his smaller one and all is right in his world.... at the moment :)
Kathy :) Again I am so very please you found an answer to this latest mystery. HURRAY for the UTI!! Meg is right... where else would we celebrate a postive test for an infection!
love, deb
Yep, Mom and Dad harp on the finances all the time. I have done what little deb has done with Dad. I put a few bills in his wallet and an expired credit card. The only problem is that Mom swipes it to pay for her taxi home. Then I have to go search Mom's room to retrieve it and put it back in Dad's wallet. Dad also likes to pay for his meals. The caregivers will take his money and then put it back in his wallet. There is a five and a few ones and they are getting worn out. For a while I would give Mom a copy of her financial statement. She could look at it nd it did help for a while because it was a visual reminder and she doesn't comprehend auditory very well. But not she's stopped asking about it and just swipes Dad's $5.
You never know what is going to upset them. Dad has lost weight since his episode in the hospital a few weeks ago. Today he was agitated in the bathroom and it took a while to figure out why. He couldn't get his belt tight enough. There was not enough holes in it. His belt is now swapped for his smaller one and all is right in his world.... at the moment :)
Kathy :) Again I am so very please you found an answer to this latest mystery. HURRAY for the UTI!! Meg is right... where else would we celebrate a postive test for an infection!
love, deb
rio14
10-21-2009, 10:41 AM
Hi!
Yeah aren't we silly.....sooo happy to hear UTI!
I hope the meds kick in fast too. Tonights my brothers night to go visit so we'll see how that goes.
I do give her money to keep in her wallet. She carries her purse everywhere. And that dummy check register is a good idea. I have no idea what I'd put down for the checks to where she is. I sure can't put $4600! Actually its going up to $4850. I think she'd raise hell over $100. Oh well we'll see.
I think all her finance talks escalated when her new friend Tom was there and then moved. He was pretty high functioning too.
Has anyone ever done tough love or is it a waste. I am my moms main focus, she thinks I can fix anything and I'm the one she gets the maddest at when I don't. If after the infection is cleared up she keeps on and on about everything and I can't move the "train" I was thinking of telling her I was not going to visit until she quit talking about it. I know she may not totally stop but maybe she'll tone it down. Dumb idea? I'm sure not talking to mom will be harder on me. It does not take much for me to feel guilt.
Hope all of you are doing well....and smiling.
Love,
Kathy
Yeah aren't we silly.....sooo happy to hear UTI!
I hope the meds kick in fast too. Tonights my brothers night to go visit so we'll see how that goes.
I do give her money to keep in her wallet. She carries her purse everywhere. And that dummy check register is a good idea. I have no idea what I'd put down for the checks to where she is. I sure can't put $4600! Actually its going up to $4850. I think she'd raise hell over $100. Oh well we'll see.
I think all her finance talks escalated when her new friend Tom was there and then moved. He was pretty high functioning too.
Has anyone ever done tough love or is it a waste. I am my moms main focus, she thinks I can fix anything and I'm the one she gets the maddest at when I don't. If after the infection is cleared up she keeps on and on about everything and I can't move the "train" I was thinking of telling her I was not going to visit until she quit talking about it. I know she may not totally stop but maybe she'll tone it down. Dumb idea? I'm sure not talking to mom will be harder on me. It does not take much for me to feel guilt.
Hope all of you are doing well....and smiling.
Love,
Kathy
Martha H
10-21-2009, 11:54 AM
Tough love works with normal people who think rationally. NOT with Alzheimer patients. They do not remember what they said, what you said, what you threatened to do, or not do, or anything. They are bewildered by any reference to a past event . You can't bring up anything she said or did which hurt you. You have to live in the absolute present. Comment on the weather, the picture on the wall, the color of the bathrobe - not on behavior or expectations or threats or punishments. You are not dealing with a rational person. Unconditional love helps; not tough love.
Hang in there, you are learning, the hard way as we all did!
Love,
Martha
Hang in there, you are learning, the hard way as we all did!
Love,
Martha
ibake&pray
10-21-2009, 12:11 PM
Think of your mom as a toddler..I don't know if you had kids or not. But she is about the same level as a 3-4 year old. she lives in the here and now. The present is the only time frame she has. Yesterday doesn't exist and neither does tomorrow...only today. She may remember some people from the way gone past...but she can't remember what she ate for breakfast, much less what she wore yesterday. And if you ask her if she bathed yesterday, Of COURSE I DID....when you know that she hasn't seen the inside of a shower for a week..... Somedays it's really hard being our parents parent isn't it?
rio14
10-21-2009, 01:38 PM
Hi!!
I have 2 kids...well not kids 26 and 31 :)
See this is where I get confused on or am still learning. My father in law had alzheimers so I pretty much no how that went. He had it for 8 yrs and we lost him last Oct.
But with mom having vascular dementia its different in some ways at least to me. She is still remembering current things I wish she'd forget. She may not know what she had for dinner but she remembers telling me she is going home for the past week. One man keeps losing his cane and she can tell him exactly where it is,,,,lunch room, activity room , his room etc. and is always right. She can still have times when she comes across as my with it you better do what I say mother.
No offense intended and I myself am a very catholic mom but the catholic moms of my era could lay guilt like no one else. And it sure can knot you up inside. Something I make sure I don't do to my kids...I want to break the cycle.
My son got me to start working out and even though I was surprised at how many machines I can use without injuring my back. He tells me it relieves stress....so far its not working :)
Hugs--
Kathy
I have 2 kids...well not kids 26 and 31 :)
See this is where I get confused on or am still learning. My father in law had alzheimers so I pretty much no how that went. He had it for 8 yrs and we lost him last Oct.
But with mom having vascular dementia its different in some ways at least to me. She is still remembering current things I wish she'd forget. She may not know what she had for dinner but she remembers telling me she is going home for the past week. One man keeps losing his cane and she can tell him exactly where it is,,,,lunch room, activity room , his room etc. and is always right. She can still have times when she comes across as my with it you better do what I say mother.
No offense intended and I myself am a very catholic mom but the catholic moms of my era could lay guilt like no one else. And it sure can knot you up inside. Something I make sure I don't do to my kids...I want to break the cycle.
My son got me to start working out and even though I was surprised at how many machines I can use without injuring my back. He tells me it relieves stress....so far its not working :)
Hugs--
Kathy
Martha H
10-21-2009, 03:24 PM
Exercise does help -- you may not see results for a while, but keep it up. Don't dwell on your Mom's condition, but have other thngs to do and enjoy and talk about. Stay in touch with your friends. Don't let Mom dominate your whole life.
Love,
Martha
Love,
Martha
DGabriel10
10-21-2009, 05:04 PM
Exercise is wonderful.... the best thing I ever did was buy myself a bicycle. It is my stress reliever!!
Vascular Dementia is a bit different. I have a Mom with ALZ and a Dad with Vascular Dementia. They are very different. Dad rationalizes to a point that it amazes many of the caregivers that work with him. He just can't remember what he rationalized when he arrives at the conclusion so we have to do it again. He can actually still add and subtract number in his head which was one of the first things to go with Mom. For some reason Dad has retained the ability to think in the abstract.
It depends on what part of the brain is affected. With Alz it takes a certain pattern. With Vascular Dementia it depends on the area of the brain that is atrophied. So yep, I believe what you are saying because I have seen in when comparing my parents.
When Dad was in the ER he ask me several times where he was. Eventually he did get it. But the next day he didn't remember being there. It's like he has a slow very current memory but as it passes into the recent past he loses it. He has also told us where to find things. It's random but it's there. He remembers his daughters when they are present or when he sees a picture but he might not pull identification out of thin air. The other thing I have noticed is that Dad will hang on to an idea. Mom is easier to distract and redirect. Dad is funnel focused when he grabs hold of something :)
His has been more of a sharp downward spiral connected to a vascular event and then a long period of stability. Except for one sharp decline Mom's has been a gradual decline.
Tough love doesn't work because they don't have a learning curve. I have found, especially with dad, that positive reinforcement, redirection, and hollow promises work. You are here because you are having so much trouble walking. When that gets better we will discuss going home. You brought Mom on a vacation and it's paid up until the end of the month. Anything that pops in the mind that works. When I get stern with Dad... he get more stern back and being the "daughter" I am supposed to comply!! So coercion work better even if it is littered with what we wish rather than what is :)
As for what to put in the check book.... whatever Mom would approve of. Make the balance big and the expenditures small. We don't need to force our reality into their world. It's better to leave them in their world and go to them.
Love, deb
Vascular Dementia is a bit different. I have a Mom with ALZ and a Dad with Vascular Dementia. They are very different. Dad rationalizes to a point that it amazes many of the caregivers that work with him. He just can't remember what he rationalized when he arrives at the conclusion so we have to do it again. He can actually still add and subtract number in his head which was one of the first things to go with Mom. For some reason Dad has retained the ability to think in the abstract.
It depends on what part of the brain is affected. With Alz it takes a certain pattern. With Vascular Dementia it depends on the area of the brain that is atrophied. So yep, I believe what you are saying because I have seen in when comparing my parents.
When Dad was in the ER he ask me several times where he was. Eventually he did get it. But the next day he didn't remember being there. It's like he has a slow very current memory but as it passes into the recent past he loses it. He has also told us where to find things. It's random but it's there. He remembers his daughters when they are present or when he sees a picture but he might not pull identification out of thin air. The other thing I have noticed is that Dad will hang on to an idea. Mom is easier to distract and redirect. Dad is funnel focused when he grabs hold of something :)
His has been more of a sharp downward spiral connected to a vascular event and then a long period of stability. Except for one sharp decline Mom's has been a gradual decline.
Tough love doesn't work because they don't have a learning curve. I have found, especially with dad, that positive reinforcement, redirection, and hollow promises work. You are here because you are having so much trouble walking. When that gets better we will discuss going home. You brought Mom on a vacation and it's paid up until the end of the month. Anything that pops in the mind that works. When I get stern with Dad... he get more stern back and being the "daughter" I am supposed to comply!! So coercion work better even if it is littered with what we wish rather than what is :)
As for what to put in the check book.... whatever Mom would approve of. Make the balance big and the expenditures small. We don't need to force our reality into their world. It's better to leave them in their world and go to them.
Love, deb
rio14
10-21-2009, 06:09 PM
Deb
I am so glad you get what I was saying and I wasn't totally losing it. Mom gets an idea and at times she won't give up on it. And on top of it she was one of the top real estate agents in this area for over 50 yrs. So I am not only dealing with my mom but a salesperson too!! Double wammy.
Another worry I am now having and will call tomorrow on. The nurse told me Mon that sat night and sun aft she refused her pills for 2 different nurses. She said they got the important ones in her. ?? I thought they were all important. But I let it go being just 2 times. Today mom just kinds of throws in that she hasn't been taking all her pills. Now I am wondering if this has gone on for a while. I"m thinking her new friend that left maybe just maybe put the idea in her head. The 1 1/2 yrs. she's been dealing with all these places she has never refused meds no matter how angry she was. I guess I will call tomorrow and see if this is happening and how they handle it. Once her infection is cleared up if she still says she's not taking her pills I guess I'll tell her then she has to go in the hospital to get them. She still remembers her visit in Aug to the hospital that she hated. She did mention she got good news that she has a urine infection so that is why she feels bad and she knows she is getting new meds for that. Then she goes off not understanding why she gets them cause she never did before. She said it must be the way they cook??
When I think I'm justing getting use to things it gets worse. I know thats how it works huh?
I sure feel for you having both your parents going thru things. I can't even imagine.
My brother is going to see her tonight so we'll see how he does.
Love,
Kathy
I am so glad you get what I was saying and I wasn't totally losing it. Mom gets an idea and at times she won't give up on it. And on top of it she was one of the top real estate agents in this area for over 50 yrs. So I am not only dealing with my mom but a salesperson too!! Double wammy.
Another worry I am now having and will call tomorrow on. The nurse told me Mon that sat night and sun aft she refused her pills for 2 different nurses. She said they got the important ones in her. ?? I thought they were all important. But I let it go being just 2 times. Today mom just kinds of throws in that she hasn't been taking all her pills. Now I am wondering if this has gone on for a while. I"m thinking her new friend that left maybe just maybe put the idea in her head. The 1 1/2 yrs. she's been dealing with all these places she has never refused meds no matter how angry she was. I guess I will call tomorrow and see if this is happening and how they handle it. Once her infection is cleared up if she still says she's not taking her pills I guess I'll tell her then she has to go in the hospital to get them. She still remembers her visit in Aug to the hospital that she hated. She did mention she got good news that she has a urine infection so that is why she feels bad and she knows she is getting new meds for that. Then she goes off not understanding why she gets them cause she never did before. She said it must be the way they cook??
When I think I'm justing getting use to things it gets worse. I know thats how it works huh?
I sure feel for you having both your parents going thru things. I can't even imagine.
My brother is going to see her tonight so we'll see how he does.
Love,
Kathy
DGabriel10
10-21-2009, 11:00 PM
Periodically both of my parents have refused meds. There is a priority order in their meds. If there is an antibiotic for the UTI that's first. If there are heart meds that she has to have every day then those go next. If there are psychotics that she needs then those come in. Or it might be the reverse depending on what she is taking and why. This may go on for a day or two and then they will go back to taking their pills. If not the facility will crush those that can be crushed and mix them with something yummy like ice cream or chocolate pudding. There is one lady that gets meds dissolved in coffee. Right now they are giving Mom her pills with a few almonds mixed in. She loves almonds and will eat those readily. The pills go unnoticed and go right down with the almonds.
Don't put a lot of stock in what she tells you. Both of my parents have said they had pills when they didn't or they didn't take them when they did. The only sure way to know if she is taking them is to check with the med tech. Their time frame is warped. They might remeber not taking pills on Monday but they took them Tuesday and Wednesday and don't remember it so they will still be telling you they didn't take the pills.
Give the antibiotics a few days to work and then see how Mom is doing. Remember... threats don't work because when it comes time to take the pills Mom won't remember it.... but in the moment you make it you willl tick her off!!
Love, deb
Don't put a lot of stock in what she tells you. Both of my parents have said they had pills when they didn't or they didn't take them when they did. The only sure way to know if she is taking them is to check with the med tech. Their time frame is warped. They might remeber not taking pills on Monday but they took them Tuesday and Wednesday and don't remember it so they will still be telling you they didn't take the pills.
Give the antibiotics a few days to work and then see how Mom is doing. Remember... threats don't work because when it comes time to take the pills Mom won't remember it.... but in the moment you make it you willl tick her off!!
Love, deb
meg1230
10-22-2009, 08:45 AM
Yep, like deb, my mom has refused her pills a few times. The staff usually figures it out though. They are pros. If one staff member can't get her to take pills they send in another and that ususally works. And my mother never knows when she has had pills or not. I go over there every morning and I ask her if her aide has been in yet to give her the pills ..she doesn't know but I can always tell by looking in the trash can. The aide leaves the empty exelon patch envelope there for me to see. The aides are so cute..they put the exelon patch on her back by giving her a big hug.
And sometimes, Kathy, when things get worse, they get better.
My mom was awful for a year and a half..not even speaking to me. But now, with time and advancement of the disease and MEDS, she is sweet and calm..most of the time. :eek:
Also, Kathy, try to take it one day at at time. Don't look at it as a big picture. It will freak you out...just get through today and deal with tomorrow, tomorrow.
Love, Meg
And sometimes, Kathy, when things get worse, they get better.
My mom was awful for a year and a half..not even speaking to me. But now, with time and advancement of the disease and MEDS, she is sweet and calm..most of the time. :eek:
Also, Kathy, try to take it one day at at time. Don't look at it as a big picture. It will freak you out...just get through today and deal with tomorrow, tomorrow.
Love, Meg
julie99
10-25-2009, 09:28 PM
I guess I will go back to the original thread Who Are WE?
I am new to this board. Name is Jeannie (not Julie) and I'm 61 yrs. old (next month is my birthday). At last a little bit of money from Social Security! Very little!
I have been married for 44 yrs. (baby bride) Ha!
We have two children. A girl 34, married, no children. She says she will never have any children. I said that too for 10
years and then changed my mind.
My son is 31, and not married, but has had the same girlfriend for 4 yrs.
I also have 3 cats which I keep indoors and out. I have a cat fence in my backyard.
I live in East Tennessee. I guess my closest online neighbors are those who live in North Carolina.
I live about 60 miles from Dollywood, and until this summer, I was going there about 3-4 times a year. I loved to go to the Gospel Fest in the fall, and Christmas too.
It's a beautiful place with millions of lights at Christmas.
I live a very boring life. I like to go to church, read, watch TV (mysteries) and play with my Nintendo Lite. Yes, I'm an old lady who likes to play nintendo games. It gives me something to do with my hands when I'm sitting with mom.
I used to work until my kids were born, but retired for about 11 yrs. But then, finances got tight and had to go back to work. Not thinking I would ever have to work all the time, I did not go to college or anything. I did take some courses in college and technical school. I took accounting and have helped my husband through the yrs. in his business.
I went to work in a Wal-Mart store putting the clothing out and purses.
After working there 15 yrs. I fell in my driveway (raining) and broke my hip, my shoulder, and my arm.
After that Wal-Mart did not want me. Seriously, they tried their best to get rid of me. I asked them to let me sit down, for awhile (fitting room) and they would not let me.
I hurt too badly to stand on my feet. They said I could stand at the door. Ha! Stand???
If I had been working, I could not have taken care of my mother now 84.
I guess that's why things worked out the way they did. She had a stroke, came home and broke her hip,
then another year and she had a heart attack.
My baby brother (53) died of lung cancer two yrs. ago. A year after he died (same month- Oct.) she had a mini stroke and was not able to walk at all or use her right hand even to eat. She had thought about him constantly for a yr.
Now it's Oct. again and she has started talking about him all the time and she's really upset. I don't know if she will get over this after Oct. or not.
My sister and I take time about keeping her in her home 24 hrs. at a time. It's tough even getting to go home after 24 hrs. She stays on your mind.:dizzy:
Guess I've said enough (too much). It's so easy to talk about yourself. Ha!;)
I am new to this board. Name is Jeannie (not Julie) and I'm 61 yrs. old (next month is my birthday). At last a little bit of money from Social Security! Very little!
I have been married for 44 yrs. (baby bride) Ha!
We have two children. A girl 34, married, no children. She says she will never have any children. I said that too for 10
years and then changed my mind.
My son is 31, and not married, but has had the same girlfriend for 4 yrs.
I also have 3 cats which I keep indoors and out. I have a cat fence in my backyard.
I live in East Tennessee. I guess my closest online neighbors are those who live in North Carolina.
I live about 60 miles from Dollywood, and until this summer, I was going there about 3-4 times a year. I loved to go to the Gospel Fest in the fall, and Christmas too.
It's a beautiful place with millions of lights at Christmas.
I live a very boring life. I like to go to church, read, watch TV (mysteries) and play with my Nintendo Lite. Yes, I'm an old lady who likes to play nintendo games. It gives me something to do with my hands when I'm sitting with mom.
I used to work until my kids were born, but retired for about 11 yrs. But then, finances got tight and had to go back to work. Not thinking I would ever have to work all the time, I did not go to college or anything. I did take some courses in college and technical school. I took accounting and have helped my husband through the yrs. in his business.
I went to work in a Wal-Mart store putting the clothing out and purses.
After working there 15 yrs. I fell in my driveway (raining) and broke my hip, my shoulder, and my arm.
After that Wal-Mart did not want me. Seriously, they tried their best to get rid of me. I asked them to let me sit down, for awhile (fitting room) and they would not let me.
I hurt too badly to stand on my feet. They said I could stand at the door. Ha! Stand???
If I had been working, I could not have taken care of my mother now 84.
I guess that's why things worked out the way they did. She had a stroke, came home and broke her hip,
then another year and she had a heart attack.
My baby brother (53) died of lung cancer two yrs. ago. A year after he died (same month- Oct.) she had a mini stroke and was not able to walk at all or use her right hand even to eat. She had thought about him constantly for a yr.
Now it's Oct. again and she has started talking about him all the time and she's really upset. I don't know if she will get over this after Oct. or not.
My sister and I take time about keeping her in her home 24 hrs. at a time. It's tough even getting to go home after 24 hrs. She stays on your mind.:dizzy:
Guess I've said enough (too much). It's so easy to talk about yourself. Ha!;)
Martha H
10-25-2009, 10:33 PM
Thank you Jeannie, I feel I know you a little better now! Good luck with your MoM; it is not easy, as you are finding out. Yes, I too believe everything happens for a reason.
Love,
Martha
Love,
Martha
caringsister54
10-25-2009, 11:24 PM
very nice meeting you Jeannie.
DGabriel10
10-26-2009, 02:07 AM
You are not talking to yourself this time Jeannie. You are talking to us and we appreciate getting to know you a little better. Hang with us. Someone is always around to help with the rough spots. We all do truly understand :)
It's good do get to know you :)
Love, deb
It's good do get to know you :)
Love, deb
kenbob71
10-29-2009, 05:47 PM
I suppose it's my turn to spill it all here.
I'm Kenny. The token guy-caregiver here. My wife passed away in March from Pick's Dementia at 53 years old.
We (I) have two daughters. The oldest is 24 and in graduate school at the University of Mississippi. The youngest is 16 in November. About to start driving alone... YIKES!
I am 53 soon - how did I get to be this old? I am semi-retired now, but have a background in design and advertising. Trying to figure out a way to not have to have a job again. I love travel and photography, wish I could figure out a way to get paid to do both.
Really looking forward to the next part of my life and taking time to figure out what that looks like.
Thanks for all of your excellent advice and support for the past two years.
Love K
I'm Kenny. The token guy-caregiver here. My wife passed away in March from Pick's Dementia at 53 years old.
We (I) have two daughters. The oldest is 24 and in graduate school at the University of Mississippi. The youngest is 16 in November. About to start driving alone... YIKES!
I am 53 soon - how did I get to be this old? I am semi-retired now, but have a background in design and advertising. Trying to figure out a way to not have to have a job again. I love travel and photography, wish I could figure out a way to get paid to do both.
Really looking forward to the next part of my life and taking time to figure out what that looks like.
Thanks for all of your excellent advice and support for the past two years.
Love K
DGabriel10
10-30-2009, 12:16 AM
I'm with you Ken... Would love to get paid to travel!!
Love, deb
Love, deb
skimps46
10-30-2009, 11:22 AM
Ken, it's so nice to have a "token guy" aboard!
And whatever you are doing to get to get paid to travel, sign me UP! I don't even care where I go.
I know what you mean about not believing you are "this old". I just had a birthday - # (ahem)55. And I still feel like, 38. But with this hellacious snowstorm we just had (final total = 28"), my joints sure do know it.
Guess we'll just have to enjoy the "autumn" of our lives without knowing how we got here, won't we?
...lil' deb
And whatever you are doing to get to get paid to travel, sign me UP! I don't even care where I go.
I know what you mean about not believing you are "this old". I just had a birthday - # (ahem)55. And I still feel like, 38. But with this hellacious snowstorm we just had (final total = 28"), my joints sure do know it.
Guess we'll just have to enjoy the "autumn" of our lives without knowing how we got here, won't we?
...lil' deb
Martha H
10-30-2009, 03:09 PM
The autumn of life is great -- it's the winter I am worried about ...
It seems all my friends 75 or older have arthritis, or a hip, knee or shoulder replaced, or are on umpteen pills a day for this or that.
I am thankful that at 70 I have none of the above, and don't plan on it either! My Mom died at 99, never having had arthritis or any joint problems.
Also thankful for an intact mind (well, most of the time,) something which cannot be replaced ...
Love,
Martha
It seems all my friends 75 or older have arthritis, or a hip, knee or shoulder replaced, or are on umpteen pills a day for this or that.
I am thankful that at 70 I have none of the above, and don't plan on it either! My Mom died at 99, never having had arthritis or any joint problems.
Also thankful for an intact mind (well, most of the time,) something which cannot be replaced ...
Love,
Martha
brylin
10-30-2009, 10:50 PM
Hey everyone,
I haven't been reading the board as much as I would like, but trying to catch up on some of the reading now.
I will provide a little info re myself and give an update re mom.
I am 62 and have been retired for 7 years. I am in good health, but taking a light BP pill. I have a great husband and 3 children and 3 grands. I feel BLESSED.
Re Mom.....I appreciate all the advice you all provided early on. About a month ago, we sent her to a geriatric unit of hospital hoping to get her meds adjusted or whatever it took to tone down her moods so that she would not be so combative. She got worse there. After about 3 wks., she is beginning to get head back to the place she was when she left my home. They say no NH would accept her being combative. They took most all her other meds away and have tried different ones. Some of you told me that she was probably on too much. The Dr. there said she was over medicated when she came in. We only were giving her what the Dr. had prescribed. I am still trusting that this move will be successful. They have been pleased with the last couple of days saying she is not as combative as before.
Thank you all for everything. This is a good group and very informative.
Kat (Brylin)
I haven't been reading the board as much as I would like, but trying to catch up on some of the reading now.
I will provide a little info re myself and give an update re mom.
I am 62 and have been retired for 7 years. I am in good health, but taking a light BP pill. I have a great husband and 3 children and 3 grands. I feel BLESSED.
Re Mom.....I appreciate all the advice you all provided early on. About a month ago, we sent her to a geriatric unit of hospital hoping to get her meds adjusted or whatever it took to tone down her moods so that she would not be so combative. She got worse there. After about 3 wks., she is beginning to get head back to the place she was when she left my home. They say no NH would accept her being combative. They took most all her other meds away and have tried different ones. Some of you told me that she was probably on too much. The Dr. there said she was over medicated when she came in. We only were giving her what the Dr. had prescribed. I am still trusting that this move will be successful. They have been pleased with the last couple of days saying she is not as combative as before.
Thank you all for everything. This is a good group and very informative.
Kat (Brylin)
DGabriel10
10-31-2009, 01:38 AM
Kat, I am so glad your Mom has been better the last few days. Yes, meds are added and added and side effects occur and more meds are added to counteract the side effects. Then there is a bump in the road and it starts all over again. Eventually there is way too much medication being given. Starting from scratch occasionally can be so very helpful. I hope she continues to improve and finds her happy place :) It is good to hear from you again !
Love, deb
Love, deb
rio14
11-01-2009, 08:20 PM
Hi!
Been about a week since I've been on here. Things are not improved and after mom ranting to me for an hour on the phone today I did not go down. The guilt is awful and hearing your Mother tell you God will punish you is not easy to hear.
I did talk to her lawyer this week and she has been calling him and he said do you know your mom wants to sue you?? He knows what is going on and I sent him my POA and durable POA so he can be sure I have the right papers. I also sent him the Dr. statements so he knows for sure. I know its hard on him, they have been friends for years and get this he is 92!!
I talked it over with my brother, husband and grown kids and I did request on Friday that Moms aricept and numenda be stopped and she said she'd tell the dr. and it would be stopped immediately. I asked if they wean them off it and she said no. Is this the right choice I don't know? My brothers wife who I don't like but has been a nurse in the geriatric behavior unit for 30 yrs. said that these meds only work so long and then only prolong progression and sometimes like in moms case has her in a limbo of "hell" right now.
The nurse there also said they would give the increased seroquel one more week to see if that helps her anger and aggitation but she doubts it. So they may be changing that too.
I think with the holidays and moms bd coming up 11/29 its double stressing me. Up to now we have been able to go out for bd dinners and spend holidays together. Of course she is a little sad going back except at xmas she was too tired when she got back to be sad.
My entire life I have always tried to make my mom proud, done the right thing that would make her happy maybe too much and now I feel like a total failure. My entire married life I talked to her every day. Some of my friends did the same thing so I didn't thing it unusual. I try real hard not to do this to my kids.
I turned our phone off tonight. I feel like I am at the point where I have to do self preservation. We have cell phones so in an emergency we would get contacted thru our kids.
My husband and I do get out more and try to enjoy life and I might get a few hours in but Mom is always at the back of my mind and how do you ever get use to the guilt? We are taking our once a year trip in a month to Vegas and I hope things are calmed down by then so I can enjoy it. It would stink to be out there 10 days and stress the whole time. My hubby will clobber me. No not really. But our once a year trip is what gets me thru some of the rought spots.
Do you ever get to the point where you hurt so bad that you can't even cry? Does that make sense?
I hope things are better for all of you. When I saw that big full moon on Halloween I knew that was a bad sign.
Love,
Kathy
Been about a week since I've been on here. Things are not improved and after mom ranting to me for an hour on the phone today I did not go down. The guilt is awful and hearing your Mother tell you God will punish you is not easy to hear.
I did talk to her lawyer this week and she has been calling him and he said do you know your mom wants to sue you?? He knows what is going on and I sent him my POA and durable POA so he can be sure I have the right papers. I also sent him the Dr. statements so he knows for sure. I know its hard on him, they have been friends for years and get this he is 92!!
I talked it over with my brother, husband and grown kids and I did request on Friday that Moms aricept and numenda be stopped and she said she'd tell the dr. and it would be stopped immediately. I asked if they wean them off it and she said no. Is this the right choice I don't know? My brothers wife who I don't like but has been a nurse in the geriatric behavior unit for 30 yrs. said that these meds only work so long and then only prolong progression and sometimes like in moms case has her in a limbo of "hell" right now.
The nurse there also said they would give the increased seroquel one more week to see if that helps her anger and aggitation but she doubts it. So they may be changing that too.
I think with the holidays and moms bd coming up 11/29 its double stressing me. Up to now we have been able to go out for bd dinners and spend holidays together. Of course she is a little sad going back except at xmas she was too tired when she got back to be sad.
My entire life I have always tried to make my mom proud, done the right thing that would make her happy maybe too much and now I feel like a total failure. My entire married life I talked to her every day. Some of my friends did the same thing so I didn't thing it unusual. I try real hard not to do this to my kids.
I turned our phone off tonight. I feel like I am at the point where I have to do self preservation. We have cell phones so in an emergency we would get contacted thru our kids.
My husband and I do get out more and try to enjoy life and I might get a few hours in but Mom is always at the back of my mind and how do you ever get use to the guilt? We are taking our once a year trip in a month to Vegas and I hope things are calmed down by then so I can enjoy it. It would stink to be out there 10 days and stress the whole time. My hubby will clobber me. No not really. But our once a year trip is what gets me thru some of the rought spots.
Do you ever get to the point where you hurt so bad that you can't even cry? Does that make sense?
I hope things are better for all of you. When I saw that big full moon on Halloween I knew that was a bad sign.
Love,
Kathy
Martha H
11-01-2009, 08:35 PM
It is true that dementia patients and small children react to a full moon with worsened behavior. That will soon pass until next month!
Your sister in law is right that aricept and namenda only work for a limited time and then are useless. If doctor's keep prescribing them and the patient keeps taking them, no one seems to stop to question 'why?" Someone's coffers are filling up while someone else goes bankrupt paying for it all .. but that is not the main problem.
Your problem is allowing yourself to feel guilty. Guilt is useless, that's why we keep saying 'this Board is a guilt free zone!" It exhausts you, does not help your mother or anyone else, only makes you feel worse.
You have a choice of looking at her condition in one of two ways.
Either " I did not take care of her well enough to prevent Alzheimer's so I am at fault."
or
"Alzhimers has no known prevention, and it is not my fault that she got this way."
Either " I should be able to make her feel and act better, but I must be doing it all wrong because she is getting worse."
or
"No one can make an AD victim get better or feel happier, or stop progressing. I have done and am still doing the best I can, and I am at peace with myelf and respect my own limits."
Every time the negative thought somes up, try replacing it with the positive thought. Above all do not let anyone on the outside, who has not walked these many miles in your moccasins, tell you you are not doing it well enough.
Chin up - you are already doing a great job. You have the POAs, you are in control, you are in touch with her nurses and doctor. Stop blaming yourself for things you did not do and cannot change.
Love,
Martha
Your sister in law is right that aricept and namenda only work for a limited time and then are useless. If doctor's keep prescribing them and the patient keeps taking them, no one seems to stop to question 'why?" Someone's coffers are filling up while someone else goes bankrupt paying for it all .. but that is not the main problem.
Your problem is allowing yourself to feel guilty. Guilt is useless, that's why we keep saying 'this Board is a guilt free zone!" It exhausts you, does not help your mother or anyone else, only makes you feel worse.
You have a choice of looking at her condition in one of two ways.
Either " I did not take care of her well enough to prevent Alzheimer's so I am at fault."
or
"Alzhimers has no known prevention, and it is not my fault that she got this way."
Either " I should be able to make her feel and act better, but I must be doing it all wrong because she is getting worse."
or
"No one can make an AD victim get better or feel happier, or stop progressing. I have done and am still doing the best I can, and I am at peace with myelf and respect my own limits."
Every time the negative thought somes up, try replacing it with the positive thought. Above all do not let anyone on the outside, who has not walked these many miles in your moccasins, tell you you are not doing it well enough.
Chin up - you are already doing a great job. You have the POAs, you are in control, you are in touch with her nurses and doctor. Stop blaming yourself for things you did not do and cannot change.
Love,
Martha
rio14
11-01-2009, 09:05 PM
Martha
Thank you! I have been making the wrong choice in my thinking. Reading your letter I was finally able to cry. Its like grieving for someone while they are still alive.
I"ll work on the guilt but its not easy. Looking back I've been dealt guilt all my life. No offense because I am a very Catholic person but in my moms day I think they got training in laying guilt. You have to be Catholic to understand that.
I am going to print your last line....it speaks volumes to me because I do blame myself for something I didn't do and can't change.
I hope you know how valuable your kind words, input and friendship means.
Love,
Kathy
Thank you! I have been making the wrong choice in my thinking. Reading your letter I was finally able to cry. Its like grieving for someone while they are still alive.
I"ll work on the guilt but its not easy. Looking back I've been dealt guilt all my life. No offense because I am a very Catholic person but in my moms day I think they got training in laying guilt. You have to be Catholic to understand that.
I am going to print your last line....it speaks volumes to me because I do blame myself for something I didn't do and can't change.
I hope you know how valuable your kind words, input and friendship means.
Love,
Kathy
Martha H
11-01-2009, 09:08 PM
I speak from experience. Other people on this Board helped me, and I am only giving back a little, whenever I can. I guess mine was protestant guilt .. I had masses of it. I needed therapy after Mom was gone.
Love
Martha
Love
Martha
rio14
11-01-2009, 09:29 PM
Oh my goodness you mean catholics didn't have a monopoly on guilt? I pretty know I"m gonna need therapy when Mom is gone. Since she went to a therapist for years after Dad died I would probably go to him. He knows what I have dealt with and has seen many sides of mom. Cross that bridge when I get to it.
Love,
Kathy
Love,
Kathy
DGabriel10
11-01-2009, 09:33 PM
Rio, you have got to let go of the idea that somehow you can make it right. You have got to give up on the idea that you control the universe and somehow it is your fault that your Mom is in this condition. You have got to give up the guilt that you carry around with you which is holding you back. I didn't learn now to life WITH the guilt... I learned how to life WITHOUT the guilt.
My mom and my dad have dementia and they are living in a locked unit. My mom has been in a behavioral unit and both are on a cocktail of psychiatric medications. I have been cursed, yelled at, blamed, accused, ridiculed, and told what a horrible person I am so many times I have no way of counting them. It has come through every communication means possible from letters to phone calls. I have been threatened with law suits, being thrown out of the will, being disowned, and I have even been reported to the police for stealing the van via a 911 call. The threats and accusations have been endless for years.
But what I do know is that I have done everything possible to be sure that my mom and dad were well cared for and safe. It may not be what they THINK they need but it is absolutely WHAT they need. There in lies the difference. Are you trying to please your parents or are you trying, in their current condition, to do what is best for them. When you realize that you are doing what is best for them whether it pleases them or not you are on your way to losing the guilt.
You also have to accept that you can not control what is wrong with them. It is not something you can fix. They have a disease that is in control. They are saying and doing things that they would not do if their minds were not clouded with tangles and plaque. The disease has a firm control that you can not break. All you can do is work within the boundaries set by the disease to make sure your loved one is cared for and safe... then you have do all that can be expected of you. Guilt is when you feel there is something that you could have done differently that would have created a better outcome. From all that you have said, you have made every effort to make sure your Mom is being cared for. Yes, we wish it was different but that is not guilt.
Then there is self preservation. You can not immerse yourself in some one else's disease to the point that you lose prospective. Your Mom has dementia. That does not mean that your life comes to a halt. You need to continue to enjoy life and build new traditions and memories. You need to keep a balance between caring form Mom and your life without becoming totally consumed with Mom. She should NOT occupy every waking thought. This is not beneficial to you, or to her. So take that phone off the hook when necessary if she is in a place where she is well cared for. Go on your vacation. Get up one morning and listen to the birds without wondering what mom is doing. Mom is in her own world listening to her own birds :)
I agree with stopping the medication and all you said about the Namenda and Aricept. Yep, we did the same thing with Mom. Yes, she did take a nose dive cognitively afterwards but we are not sure that was the cause. All I do know is that now, for whatever reason, mom is a happier person :)
I look forward to hearing how your mom is doing with the new changes. I will keep you both in my thoughts and prayers.
Love, deb
My mom and my dad have dementia and they are living in a locked unit. My mom has been in a behavioral unit and both are on a cocktail of psychiatric medications. I have been cursed, yelled at, blamed, accused, ridiculed, and told what a horrible person I am so many times I have no way of counting them. It has come through every communication means possible from letters to phone calls. I have been threatened with law suits, being thrown out of the will, being disowned, and I have even been reported to the police for stealing the van via a 911 call. The threats and accusations have been endless for years.
But what I do know is that I have done everything possible to be sure that my mom and dad were well cared for and safe. It may not be what they THINK they need but it is absolutely WHAT they need. There in lies the difference. Are you trying to please your parents or are you trying, in their current condition, to do what is best for them. When you realize that you are doing what is best for them whether it pleases them or not you are on your way to losing the guilt.
You also have to accept that you can not control what is wrong with them. It is not something you can fix. They have a disease that is in control. They are saying and doing things that they would not do if their minds were not clouded with tangles and plaque. The disease has a firm control that you can not break. All you can do is work within the boundaries set by the disease to make sure your loved one is cared for and safe... then you have do all that can be expected of you. Guilt is when you feel there is something that you could have done differently that would have created a better outcome. From all that you have said, you have made every effort to make sure your Mom is being cared for. Yes, we wish it was different but that is not guilt.
Then there is self preservation. You can not immerse yourself in some one else's disease to the point that you lose prospective. Your Mom has dementia. That does not mean that your life comes to a halt. You need to continue to enjoy life and build new traditions and memories. You need to keep a balance between caring form Mom and your life without becoming totally consumed with Mom. She should NOT occupy every waking thought. This is not beneficial to you, or to her. So take that phone off the hook when necessary if she is in a place where she is well cared for. Go on your vacation. Get up one morning and listen to the birds without wondering what mom is doing. Mom is in her own world listening to her own birds :)
I agree with stopping the medication and all you said about the Namenda and Aricept. Yep, we did the same thing with Mom. Yes, she did take a nose dive cognitively afterwards but we are not sure that was the cause. All I do know is that now, for whatever reason, mom is a happier person :)
I look forward to hearing how your mom is doing with the new changes. I will keep you both in my thoughts and prayers.
Love, deb
caringsister54
11-02-2009, 08:58 AM
Oh my goodness you mean catholics didn't have a monopoly on guilt? I pretty know I"m gonna need therapy when Mom is gone. Since she went to a therapist for years after Dad died I would probably go to him. He knows what I have dealt with and has seen many sides of mom. Cross that bridge when I get to it.
Love,
Kathy
Why wait until she dies to go for therapy. You can derive a lot of benefit from some kind of it right now. They will help you learn how to distant yourself from YOUR feelings of guilt.
And yes, every religion has 'guilt' built into the structure. That how they get followers. I see guilt in my boyfriend who was born and raised Jewish but converted to Catholic in '01.
Its not your Mom who is making you feel guilty -- it is YOU internalizing and making yourself feel bad. For what?
Is she safe? YES,
Is she properly cared for? YES,
Is she being checked on by you? YES
Do you communicate and direct her care at times? YES
Do you love her -- a big resounding YES
But the vows you took is to forsake your parents and clieve unto your husband -- so go and enjoy your trip and stop with the guilt already. No one can make you feel anything one way or another if you don't let them. So don't let them. I was a child of abuse and let me tell you, if it wasn't for the village raising this child (me) I would be filled with such guilt for being born.
CaringSister54
Love,
Kathy
Why wait until she dies to go for therapy. You can derive a lot of benefit from some kind of it right now. They will help you learn how to distant yourself from YOUR feelings of guilt.
And yes, every religion has 'guilt' built into the structure. That how they get followers. I see guilt in my boyfriend who was born and raised Jewish but converted to Catholic in '01.
Its not your Mom who is making you feel guilty -- it is YOU internalizing and making yourself feel bad. For what?
Is she safe? YES,
Is she properly cared for? YES,
Is she being checked on by you? YES
Do you communicate and direct her care at times? YES
Do you love her -- a big resounding YES
But the vows you took is to forsake your parents and clieve unto your husband -- so go and enjoy your trip and stop with the guilt already. No one can make you feel anything one way or another if you don't let them. So don't let them. I was a child of abuse and let me tell you, if it wasn't for the village raising this child (me) I would be filled with such guilt for being born.
CaringSister54
caringsister54
11-02-2009, 09:19 AM
one more thing
Namenda made my mother hallucinate. It was a horrible drug that did nothing after awhile. The first few doses helped in some ways -- or so my sister said but then afterward it stopped working for the positive and was more a negative.
Caring
Namenda made my mother hallucinate. It was a horrible drug that did nothing after awhile. The first few doses helped in some ways -- or so my sister said but then afterward it stopped working for the positive and was more a negative.
Caring
skimps46
11-02-2009, 02:02 PM
Oh Rio, you sound like ME!
I spent every day of my life trying to make my mother be proud of me, like me, love me...and her last words to me the last time I saw her 3 weeks before she died were, "You are no daughter of mine!". Now, I know she was deep in her Alzheimer's, and nothing she said SHOULD have affected me, but somewhere deep down inside myself, I knew she meant that. And it hurt me, and still does. So when I decided to be present in dad's long road to the end, I just wanted, for ME, to feel like I was loved at all. I did get that, too. Again, he was deep in his dementia, but when he would say, "Debbie, I love you to. So much.", I knew he meant THAT, too.
He died here in our home. And I know I couldn't have stopped the march of his disease, but I will feel guilt forever that I took the advice of Hospice and stopped giving him liquids (he was choking on them), and 5 days later, he died. Could I have stopped him from dying? No. Of course not. But my heart and my head are two different things, and although my head knows that I was doing what I was supposed to do, my heart doesn't have a clue.
"Guilt" is my middle name. I grew up Catholic, but am now an Evangelical Christian, and I don't care what you call yourself, Lutheran, Episcopalian, Methodist, Baptist...guilt happens. I am in counseling right now, and may be forever. It seems that I am suffering from post-traumatic-stress syndrome, and am quite messed up by the loss of my dad.
But I know I did the right thing. No matter what the sacrifice was, I did what I needed to do. Notice I said "I"? That's because keeping dad HERE with me, was FOR me. Selfish? No, because I took super good care of him. But I needed to do it for me.
So. Now it's your turn to do something for YOU. Change that stinkin' thinkin', and take care of YOU and your life. Marraiges will crumble under the weight of this responsibility you have. Families fall apart. Mine is still under construction due to this mess - I think we'll make it, but it's not easy. Take care of YOU. Turn that damned phone off and let someone else deal with it for a while.
I'm just sayin'...because there are so many things I would have done differently.
...lil' deb
I spent every day of my life trying to make my mother be proud of me, like me, love me...and her last words to me the last time I saw her 3 weeks before she died were, "You are no daughter of mine!". Now, I know she was deep in her Alzheimer's, and nothing she said SHOULD have affected me, but somewhere deep down inside myself, I knew she meant that. And it hurt me, and still does. So when I decided to be present in dad's long road to the end, I just wanted, for ME, to feel like I was loved at all. I did get that, too. Again, he was deep in his dementia, but when he would say, "Debbie, I love you to. So much.", I knew he meant THAT, too.
He died here in our home. And I know I couldn't have stopped the march of his disease, but I will feel guilt forever that I took the advice of Hospice and stopped giving him liquids (he was choking on them), and 5 days later, he died. Could I have stopped him from dying? No. Of course not. But my heart and my head are two different things, and although my head knows that I was doing what I was supposed to do, my heart doesn't have a clue.
"Guilt" is my middle name. I grew up Catholic, but am now an Evangelical Christian, and I don't care what you call yourself, Lutheran, Episcopalian, Methodist, Baptist...guilt happens. I am in counseling right now, and may be forever. It seems that I am suffering from post-traumatic-stress syndrome, and am quite messed up by the loss of my dad.
But I know I did the right thing. No matter what the sacrifice was, I did what I needed to do. Notice I said "I"? That's because keeping dad HERE with me, was FOR me. Selfish? No, because I took super good care of him. But I needed to do it for me.
So. Now it's your turn to do something for YOU. Change that stinkin' thinkin', and take care of YOU and your life. Marraiges will crumble under the weight of this responsibility you have. Families fall apart. Mine is still under construction due to this mess - I think we'll make it, but it's not easy. Take care of YOU. Turn that damned phone off and let someone else deal with it for a while.
I'm just sayin'...because there are so many things I would have done differently.
...lil' deb
rio14
11-02-2009, 06:29 PM
You all have such wonderful advice. I am working on being ok. Today was my off day and the phone stayed off and I kept busy. Mom only tried to call 6 times so far. I know she is safe and if I had seen Arden Court called I would of called them right back.
But like you said LI'l Deb. Your heart says one thing and your heart another. I tell myself all the time its not my mom saying these mean things but the disease but when it sounds like your mom it still hurts.
I'm glad at least our choice to stop the aricept and numenda could be a good thing especially if she were having the opposite effect.
The head nurse said if the increase of seroquel does not seem to help then she will contact the dr. to try something else. I know she can't take zyprexa. When this all began 1 1/2 yrs. ago they gave her that and she got so violent and did things I never even told her she did. Is there any other that you have had luck with? I know she had been on ativan for years for nerves and her Aug. hospital stay they took her off that. She is on another anxiety med plus 2 anti-depressents. I just wonder if maybe a little of the ativan would be good. Guess thats one thing to ask the dr. I know the head nurse said she will try to fix the meds there instead of sending her to the hospital again since its so tramatic.
I work tomorrow and unfortunately I can't turn the phone off there and I'm sure she'll call. So we'll see how that goes.
Thanks guys.....
Love,
Kathy
But like you said LI'l Deb. Your heart says one thing and your heart another. I tell myself all the time its not my mom saying these mean things but the disease but when it sounds like your mom it still hurts.
I'm glad at least our choice to stop the aricept and numenda could be a good thing especially if she were having the opposite effect.
The head nurse said if the increase of seroquel does not seem to help then she will contact the dr. to try something else. I know she can't take zyprexa. When this all began 1 1/2 yrs. ago they gave her that and she got so violent and did things I never even told her she did. Is there any other that you have had luck with? I know she had been on ativan for years for nerves and her Aug. hospital stay they took her off that. She is on another anxiety med plus 2 anti-depressents. I just wonder if maybe a little of the ativan would be good. Guess thats one thing to ask the dr. I know the head nurse said she will try to fix the meds there instead of sending her to the hospital again since its so tramatic.
I work tomorrow and unfortunately I can't turn the phone off there and I'm sure she'll call. So we'll see how that goes.
Thanks guys.....
Love,
Kathy
meg1230
11-02-2009, 08:41 PM
Hoh boy...my stupid computer needs to be cleaned up or something...I've tried to type 3 replys and lose them all ...and they have been long ones filled with sage advice.. Hah. :D
So I'm gonna net this one out and hope it goes through before it freezes up again.
Lil...yep, the rocks...mom calls them puppies and the yard guy where she lives says they add an extra bag of rocks every month to accomodate her. Cute. I am sure he was joking though... hmmm, maybe.
I have cleaned out ab out 8 garbage bags so far from her place and I have most of it cleaned out of my living room now and I will bet there are 50 small rocks...what is up with that???
Kathy...Catholics don't have a lock on guilt..I was raised one too.
And as for as guilt...with help from these wonderful people here I kick it to the curb. No guilt. We do what we do in the best way possible. I didn't give this disease to my mom.
It tries to sneak into my head but I fight it..like hiring someone to shower mom 3 times a week...mom hates it but I know it is best..do I feel badly??.. sure, but not enough to stop it.
And I hope you are able to enjoy your vacation. As long as you know she is safe and cared for..go, relax, enjoy! We are no good to anyone if we don't recharge ourselves.
Ok..over and out before I crash and burn again.
Love, Meg
So I'm gonna net this one out and hope it goes through before it freezes up again.
Lil...yep, the rocks...mom calls them puppies and the yard guy where she lives says they add an extra bag of rocks every month to accomodate her. Cute. I am sure he was joking though... hmmm, maybe.
I have cleaned out ab out 8 garbage bags so far from her place and I have most of it cleaned out of my living room now and I will bet there are 50 small rocks...what is up with that???
Kathy...Catholics don't have a lock on guilt..I was raised one too.
And as for as guilt...with help from these wonderful people here I kick it to the curb. No guilt. We do what we do in the best way possible. I didn't give this disease to my mom.
It tries to sneak into my head but I fight it..like hiring someone to shower mom 3 times a week...mom hates it but I know it is best..do I feel badly??.. sure, but not enough to stop it.
And I hope you are able to enjoy your vacation. As long as you know she is safe and cared for..go, relax, enjoy! We are no good to anyone if we don't recharge ourselves.
Ok..over and out before I crash and burn again.
Love, Meg
caringsister54
11-02-2009, 09:00 PM
hey Meg I remember seeing your previous post Maybe it was within another message string and you don't realize it.
CaringSister54
CaringSister54
DGabriel10
11-03-2009, 12:27 AM
Rio... I just got back from a wonderful weekend with my daughter. I knew that mom and dad were well cared for. My cousin was stopping by one day to visit and sister 2 went by today so I wouldn't feel it necessary to stop by on my way home. Mom and Dad were fine. I also spent 2 weeks in Hawaii this summer. Yes, when I am here I visit with them several times a week but I have also learned to take time for myself as well. When I come back I am more refreshed and better able to deal with the antics. When I am in better humor, so are Mom and Dad because they do pick up on my emotions. The calmer and less stressed I am the better than are
As for guilt.... I have realized that Mom nor Dad truly know if I have been there or not. I was gone for 2 weeks and when I got back you would have thought I had just been there yesterday. Yet I can come two days in a row and the second day Mom wants to know why I hadn't been in so long. At this point, I have given up on the guilt and try to find a balance between their needs and mine :)
It is absolutely correct that guilt is not something that somebody else gives us but something we create within ourselves. Guilt should be reserved for when we KNOW we have done something wrong!! When we do it right, there is no reason for guilt!!
Love, deb
As for guilt.... I have realized that Mom nor Dad truly know if I have been there or not. I was gone for 2 weeks and when I got back you would have thought I had just been there yesterday. Yet I can come two days in a row and the second day Mom wants to know why I hadn't been in so long. At this point, I have given up on the guilt and try to find a balance between their needs and mine :)
It is absolutely correct that guilt is not something that somebody else gives us but something we create within ourselves. Guilt should be reserved for when we KNOW we have done something wrong!! When we do it right, there is no reason for guilt!!
Love, deb
jagsmu
11-07-2009, 12:26 AM
who am I,,three days ago I felt like I needed to clone myselve to do everything, today I feel like I am coming down with a cold... I do feel sometimes like everybody wants a peice of me and sometimes there is just not enough to go around..
okay I am married to the most wonderful, understanding husband and we have been married for 36years, we have two children, ages girl 32, boy 35. am 54 years old ( sometimes feel 80 sometimes feel35) We live on a big boat and have a bakery business in it for 7 months of the year, I also do emergence scuba diving, ex. fouled prop, drop belongings overboard, holed boat and so on,I have done recover for the police and work with our BCAA, I have owned a 3 star resturant, and also I am an accountant. I tell everybody that I just have not decieded what to be when I grow up:dizzy:,,, now that my mom has taken ill, my husband and I only do the bakery..we have lived on a boat for over 25 years and can not imagine having to mow the lawn or have a garden... we catch our crabs for dinner over the side of our boat and we catch fresh fish for dinner....when we want to escape from the pressure of life, we watch the sunsets from the back of our boat...
okay I am married to the most wonderful, understanding husband and we have been married for 36years, we have two children, ages girl 32, boy 35. am 54 years old ( sometimes feel 80 sometimes feel35) We live on a big boat and have a bakery business in it for 7 months of the year, I also do emergence scuba diving, ex. fouled prop, drop belongings overboard, holed boat and so on,I have done recover for the police and work with our BCAA, I have owned a 3 star resturant, and also I am an accountant. I tell everybody that I just have not decieded what to be when I grow up:dizzy:,,, now that my mom has taken ill, my husband and I only do the bakery..we have lived on a boat for over 25 years and can not imagine having to mow the lawn or have a garden... we catch our crabs for dinner over the side of our boat and we catch fresh fish for dinner....when we want to escape from the pressure of life, we watch the sunsets from the back of our boat...
Martha H
11-07-2009, 08:48 AM
Turning green with envy here....
meg1230
11-07-2009, 09:18 AM
Martha,
You made me laugh. :D
Jags...you make me look like a slacker. :p
Love, Meg
You made me laugh. :D
Jags...you make me look like a slacker. :p
Love, Meg
DGabriel10
11-07-2009, 11:08 AM
... and when life gets to be just too much Jag you can pull up anchor, throw the ropes, and sail into that sunset!! What a grand life :) But I will pass remembering the sea sickness I suffered the one time I was on the ocean in a boat. I'll stick to mowing my lawn and tending my garden. That is my escape. I just ride my tractor into the sunset!
Love, Deb
Love, Deb
jagsmu
11-07-2009, 12:40 PM
When I go diving, that is when I truly can put the world on stop... just me and the fish, no noise, no cell phones, no "judy can you do's", just the noise of me breathing.and the wonderous bottom of the ocean..
dotters
11-13-2009, 10:05 PM
Hello Ladies; . I was 55 November 11, and am caregiver for my 87 year old mum who has been coping heroically with cognitive decline and short-term memory loss, intermittent long-term memory loss, depression, and other symptoms. We finally got her back to the family doctor under great duress. Referrals have been made. In the meantime he did not prescribe any kind of interim calming agent to help mum and in turn help us get her to these appointments. But it is the weekend so I am going to avoid lamenting. We have appointments in the home next week which may bring us some help in some small way. We hope to take advantage of some respite soon.
How nice to catch up on "who we are". Jagsmu-a bakery on a boat! My younger sister and her husband are sailors. They once told of of a floating baker in Miami area who would cruise the rivers. Manja! Manja! was the phrase the baker would yell - he had breads to sell to boat owners.
It is November. I work in health records. - I took one week off work and was fortunate to have great weather to do some hiking, enjoy the nature around here and toodle around the countryside a bit, see some friends. Hope the weather keeps up. Sunday is a belated birthday celebration. Then back to work. So nice to read about everybody. Hope to connect again soon. Bye for now.
How nice to catch up on "who we are". Jagsmu-a bakery on a boat! My younger sister and her husband are sailors. They once told of of a floating baker in Miami area who would cruise the rivers. Manja! Manja! was the phrase the baker would yell - he had breads to sell to boat owners.
It is November. I work in health records. - I took one week off work and was fortunate to have great weather to do some hiking, enjoy the nature around here and toodle around the countryside a bit, see some friends. Hope the weather keeps up. Sunday is a belated birthday celebration. Then back to work. So nice to read about everybody. Hope to connect again soon. Bye for now.
DGabriel10
11-13-2009, 11:50 PM
It's good to know more about you dotters :) If one of your appointments is with a neurologist or psychiatrist, you need to ask them about the behavioral meds. Or call the doctor back and request something PRN to help with agitation. Sometimes the doctor's just don't understand, know, or realize what it is like. By poking them a little they usually come around :) Never hurts to ask again!
Keep typing. and take care of yourself. Everybody needs a respite occasionally.
Love, deb
Keep typing. and take care of yourself. Everybody needs a respite occasionally.
Love, deb