maybecrazy
11-17-2008, 11:16 PM
I read a book called a million little piecesby james frey - it's about how he got his life back together after a long history of drug and alcohol abuse and in it he says thats all you ahve to do - just hold on - I couldnt agree more
It's 7 days to the anniv of when i got ptsd and thats what i seem to be doing - JUST holding on - a really stupid thing happened at work - we had pictures on the outside of our lockers and our boss took them all off and threw them away because she had a complaint - we had all decorated each others lockers - dumb things like cats on mine and rabbits on another and stickers like no-one understands me but my cat and give me coffee and noone gets hurt - on my locker i had something that someone had put there just before he died and when I got to work and saw it gone i lost it - i was standing there saying I want it back and I want it back now - he's dead I cant ask him for another ribbon can I - I must have looked like a lunatic - then the tears started to come and I had to leave for a while till i calmed down - it sounds really pathetic but the guy that gave me the ribbon used to make me feel safe and now I know there is no such thing as safe and the ribbon he had put on my locker was just a dumb things but it really affected me - i am so angry at my boss - she could have taken them down and left them for us to do what we wanted with them - I know its a small pathetic thing but I have to let it out of me or i will go even crazier than I already am - then id have to change my name to certainly crazy ha ha :D anyway im just venting - it makes me really angry with myself that i lost it - its not something i would have done before i was attacked - I would have been calm and handled it - it just seems to be another win for my attacker - MBC
It's 7 days to the anniv of when i got ptsd and thats what i seem to be doing - JUST holding on - a really stupid thing happened at work - we had pictures on the outside of our lockers and our boss took them all off and threw them away because she had a complaint - we had all decorated each others lockers - dumb things like cats on mine and rabbits on another and stickers like no-one understands me but my cat and give me coffee and noone gets hurt - on my locker i had something that someone had put there just before he died and when I got to work and saw it gone i lost it - i was standing there saying I want it back and I want it back now - he's dead I cant ask him for another ribbon can I - I must have looked like a lunatic - then the tears started to come and I had to leave for a while till i calmed down - it sounds really pathetic but the guy that gave me the ribbon used to make me feel safe and now I know there is no such thing as safe and the ribbon he had put on my locker was just a dumb things but it really affected me - i am so angry at my boss - she could have taken them down and left them for us to do what we wanted with them - I know its a small pathetic thing but I have to let it out of me or i will go even crazier than I already am - then id have to change my name to certainly crazy ha ha :D anyway im just venting - it makes me really angry with myself that i lost it - its not something i would have done before i was attacked - I would have been calm and handled it - it just seems to be another win for my attacker - MBC
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isitme
11-18-2008, 06:30 AM
a really stupid thing happened at work -
but it really affected me
i am so angry at my boss
i will go even crazier than I already am - then id have to change my name to certainly crazy ha ha :D anyway im just venting - it makes me really angry with myself that i lost it - its not something i would have done before i was attacked - I would have been calm and handled it - it just seems to be another win for my attacker - MBC
We are all hanging on at times. This is a lovel, safe place to vent the hurt, anger, saddness and everything else. The fact is you have ptsd. It is that fact that makes 'you you and your reactions what they are.' What is completely insignificant to many, has dire reprecussions for us. And the secret is to work though all those emotions. Could you speak with the boss? If not, write a letter. It doesn't have to be sent, but it gets out all the emotions and that is what breaks the cycle and brings normality back. Hey, my line is 'I'm mad'. Today I'll be informing her 'I'm madder'. ;) I hope this phase passes soon. And rest assured - it does. We would all love to be ptsdless, but we're not, so we'll have to conquer the problem......together. Your attacker hasn't won because you are seeking help and you will recover from this in time.
but it really affected me
i am so angry at my boss
i will go even crazier than I already am - then id have to change my name to certainly crazy ha ha :D anyway im just venting - it makes me really angry with myself that i lost it - its not something i would have done before i was attacked - I would have been calm and handled it - it just seems to be another win for my attacker - MBC
We are all hanging on at times. This is a lovel, safe place to vent the hurt, anger, saddness and everything else. The fact is you have ptsd. It is that fact that makes 'you you and your reactions what they are.' What is completely insignificant to many, has dire reprecussions for us. And the secret is to work though all those emotions. Could you speak with the boss? If not, write a letter. It doesn't have to be sent, but it gets out all the emotions and that is what breaks the cycle and brings normality back. Hey, my line is 'I'm mad'. Today I'll be informing her 'I'm madder'. ;) I hope this phase passes soon. And rest assured - it does. We would all love to be ptsdless, but we're not, so we'll have to conquer the problem......together. Your attacker hasn't won because you are seeking help and you will recover from this in time.
maybecrazy
11-19-2008, 05:48 PM
thanks isitme,
I spoke to her at the time but started to cry (not usually me) and so had to go - then I sent her an email and politely told her how it made me feel and that it would ahve been nicer if she had let us remove our own stuff from the lockers and she had just moved whatever offended the person - I wasnt in till the weekend after and there was no reply from her - that made me feel like i didnt exist or maybe she wishes i didnt!
I guess im just tired and its 4 days til anniv of attack (24th) so that probably has a lot to do with it
take care and thanks for your support MBC
I spoke to her at the time but started to cry (not usually me) and so had to go - then I sent her an email and politely told her how it made me feel and that it would ahve been nicer if she had let us remove our own stuff from the lockers and she had just moved whatever offended the person - I wasnt in till the weekend after and there was no reply from her - that made me feel like i didnt exist or maybe she wishes i didnt!
I guess im just tired and its 4 days til anniv of attack (24th) so that probably has a lot to do with it
take care and thanks for your support MBC