xblondeangel650
11-26-2008, 07:11 AM
I have been diagnosed with Bipolar Mania about 2 years ago,I haven't been to the Pysch in almost a year and it has definately gotten worse.I've been with my significant other for almost 6 months and I love him truely,BUT then again when I become manic I want to be rebelious and do things I wouldn't normally,like cheat.I swore to myself I never would,but I did twice.I'm sure it doesn't matter,for what I did,that he's in the army at Germany coming home soon,but still.I've also relaps with my Anorexia as well,and my IBS has never been so bad.Is this part of it? Cheating when becoming manic? I feel terrible but apathetic at the same time with the whole situation.
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dreams in neon
11-26-2008, 11:53 PM
Yes. Cheating and promiscuous behavior can definitely be a part of mania.
soucie
11-27-2008, 12:36 AM
Well, having bad judgement is definitely a part of "it". I can say that my own flirting has gotten way out of control even though I had a boyfriend who I did not want to risk losing. But I couldn't resist the flirtation. It gave me a major high, it was almost addicting.
So, i'd say that cheating could be one of the outcomes of the "bad judgment" - especially if you swore you wouldn't do it.
So, i'd say that cheating could be one of the outcomes of the "bad judgment" - especially if you swore you wouldn't do it.
soucie
11-27-2008, 12:46 AM
Another thing I want to add is that I don't ever use the bipolar as an excuse, but I do offer it as an explanation. It's a very, very fine line and most won't really understand it.
With an excuse, you generally show less remorse (i.e., you use the bipolar to blame your actions on).
With an explanation, you say that you recognize that what you did was completely wrong and now you understand that some of the tendencies of bipolar include... x, y, z (bad judgement, rage attacks, extreme irritation, etc), which may have influenced some of what you did in the past. Now that you understand that and have awareness of it, your intention is to change it or better manage it through meds, therapy, etc).
I think it is good for people to get the explanation; you just want to make sure that it never comes across as an excuse for your behavior. An excuse oftentimes sounds like you are trying to sell a justification for what you did. And that never goes over well.
You don't want to justify it or excuse it. You want people to better understand you and your experience with bipolar. Gentle, simple and direct explanations will help you gain a little more compassion and support - depending on what it is that you did wrong.
I don't know if you are deciding on whether to tell him or not. Sometimes a confession does more bad than good. So before you decide to confess, ask yourself, "To what purpose (or to who) does this serve?"
With an excuse, you generally show less remorse (i.e., you use the bipolar to blame your actions on).
With an explanation, you say that you recognize that what you did was completely wrong and now you understand that some of the tendencies of bipolar include... x, y, z (bad judgement, rage attacks, extreme irritation, etc), which may have influenced some of what you did in the past. Now that you understand that and have awareness of it, your intention is to change it or better manage it through meds, therapy, etc).
I think it is good for people to get the explanation; you just want to make sure that it never comes across as an excuse for your behavior. An excuse oftentimes sounds like you are trying to sell a justification for what you did. And that never goes over well.
You don't want to justify it or excuse it. You want people to better understand you and your experience with bipolar. Gentle, simple and direct explanations will help you gain a little more compassion and support - depending on what it is that you did wrong.
I don't know if you are deciding on whether to tell him or not. Sometimes a confession does more bad than good. So before you decide to confess, ask yourself, "To what purpose (or to who) does this serve?"
katlin09
11-27-2008, 01:04 AM
Yes this can all be part of it, but i'm curious why you think cheating on your partner "doesn't matter"? If you're mania is that bad, and you're doing this bad in general you really need to get back to a psychiatrist and most likely get on some meds to help you get things under control. I can just about bet you that your partner wouldn't say it "doesn't matter" if he knew you were cheating on him.
Kat
Kat
tigger5150
11-27-2008, 01:15 AM
Soucie - you put that pretty good in your second post. I don't use my BP has an excuse for my behavior (particularly the really bad), but I do use it as an explanation of why I did something that I might not normally have done.... a good example is flirting. If I'm manic I'm a major flirt and things can lead to getting way out of hand and had I not been manic I would not have let them get that far.... it is a fine line we all walk when we have BP.
As some may disagree, I do agree with you about the confession thing.... as long as you can forgive yourself in the process - if you can't then confessing may be necessary.
As some may disagree, I do agree with you about the confession thing.... as long as you can forgive yourself in the process - if you can't then confessing may be necessary.
xblondeangel650
11-27-2008, 03:30 PM
I just would like to say thank you for the nice reply back to me on my situation. I wouldn't use this as an excuse at all,and yes it has definately gotten way out of hand. I'm sure it's because I didn't continue with therapy and seeing my dx,it now lead to this,it's not worth it. I'm just realy lonely,especially because my significant other is in Germany and doesn't know when he will be home,it's horrible. Therapy is so expensive and I can't afford it now,I need to try to go to group therapy or something. If I tell him what I did,I know he will never talk to me ever again,but I do want to fix it now. I don't know what to do realy.
xblondeangel650
11-27-2008, 03:35 PM
When I'm manic,which has been more often so especially with the holidays,I become careless oviously.Extremely apathetic as well,which will get me into alot of trouble if I don't seek help asap! My judgement is terrible and no one will understand this behavier no matter how much they try. If someone else has Bipolar,they would definately know what I am talking about. My partner knows that I have it and has done ALOT of reading to get a grasp how this all effects my everyday living. It can be so frustrating to even understand my behavier myself.
katlin09
11-27-2008, 09:46 PM
Xblonde,
Are you on meds right now? You said you can't afford therapy right now, but isn't there some type of public assistance or free clinic that you could go to? It seems I've heard many folks on this board talk about those things. What about medicaid? And I know if you get on meds and contact the drug company they will work with you on getting your meds at a reduced cost or free even.
So, you need to try and not talk yourself out of getting help with exuses and start finding resources that you can use. Because until you get this manic behaviour under control you're just going to keep doing things that you'll eventually have to explain to your significant other. Even though your family doesn't fully understand your disorder at this point, maybe you could at least enlist their help in finding you some assistance so that you can get the medical care that you so obviously need right now, to get your mania under control. Have you thought of just going to the hospital and maybe just going in patient for a while, until you can get things under control? They would set you up with aid and help before you were released to go home....just a thought. I guess it all just boils down to how much you want to get better at this point....
Kat
Are you on meds right now? You said you can't afford therapy right now, but isn't there some type of public assistance or free clinic that you could go to? It seems I've heard many folks on this board talk about those things. What about medicaid? And I know if you get on meds and contact the drug company they will work with you on getting your meds at a reduced cost or free even.
So, you need to try and not talk yourself out of getting help with exuses and start finding resources that you can use. Because until you get this manic behaviour under control you're just going to keep doing things that you'll eventually have to explain to your significant other. Even though your family doesn't fully understand your disorder at this point, maybe you could at least enlist their help in finding you some assistance so that you can get the medical care that you so obviously need right now, to get your mania under control. Have you thought of just going to the hospital and maybe just going in patient for a while, until you can get things under control? They would set you up with aid and help before you were released to go home....just a thought. I guess it all just boils down to how much you want to get better at this point....
Kat
dreams in neon
11-28-2008, 09:25 AM
I was going to make the same suggestions as Kat.
I know what it's like to be on a limited income and not be able to afford meds, therapy or pdoc appointments. I have Medicaid as well as Medicare and they pay 100% for my therapy, pdoc appointments, meds and inpatient hospitalizations.
In fact, I went inpatient last week (I'll be released from the hospital in 2 days) due to rapid cycling and mania over the past several weeks and Medicaid is paying the entire cost of my treatment. Once I am discharged, the attending pdoc and social worker will give me some resources that will help me once I am released.
If I were you, I'd go to the ER so you can get your mania under control. Perhaps if you explain that you are low income, you can receive your med samples for free. (They did this for me last year when I went to the ER for rapid cycling.)
Hope this helps.
I know what it's like to be on a limited income and not be able to afford meds, therapy or pdoc appointments. I have Medicaid as well as Medicare and they pay 100% for my therapy, pdoc appointments, meds and inpatient hospitalizations.
In fact, I went inpatient last week (I'll be released from the hospital in 2 days) due to rapid cycling and mania over the past several weeks and Medicaid is paying the entire cost of my treatment. Once I am discharged, the attending pdoc and social worker will give me some resources that will help me once I am released.
If I were you, I'd go to the ER so you can get your mania under control. Perhaps if you explain that you are low income, you can receive your med samples for free. (They did this for me last year when I went to the ER for rapid cycling.)
Hope this helps.
blugreen
12-01-2008, 11:01 AM
I have the same problem with the flirting, etc. I had an affair on my husband and felt bad at the time, but not bad enough I guess or I wouldn't have done it. I feel the same way about it giving me a "high." I lived for that attention. I always wondered why I liked that so much when I was in an extremely happy and good marriage. I knew something was "not right" with me. I in no way am condoning my behavior because of the BP, or excusing it. But, I do know that I never would have done that if wasn't. Now that I have the diagnosis, I know I am not just a horrible person and will have to work a lot harder to fight those kinds of temptations. As far as a confession, like someone else said, may just make things worse. Hope you get things under control. Good luck. --Blu :angel:
xblondeangel650
12-01-2008, 02:11 PM
Omg thank you so so much,much appreciated! Yes it is definately a high for me to go and do things like that,doesn't even hurt me at all emotionally.I feel nothing at all,it amazes me sometimes and I love the feeling in a way.I wish it could stop,as if I had an off button,but that's impossible.I will be telling my Physch this today for sure and see what she says.
blugreen
12-02-2008, 10:53 AM
It's funny, because my husband and I actually had a conversation last night about me not feeling bad about things when I'm doing them. He just cannot understand. I actually had an affair over a year ago. He doesn't see how I could possibly let that go on and not feel bad and not stop it. It didn't stop until I got caught. I was completely immersed in it and addicted to it. He said any time he was in a situation where he could have gotten away with cheating or flirting, etc. he always felt so bad and couldn't even go there. So he thinks I did not care about him the way he cares about me. I have only recently been diagnosed with BP, so now it makes sense to me why I didn't feel bad, but still doesn't make sense to him. He doesn't buy it. He doesn't want someone who doesn't feel bad for their mistakes.