xblondeangel650
12-04-2008, 03:34 PM
I'll explain a situation that all of us go through pretty often,manic episodes.Everyone has different types depending on the specific kind of Bipolar they have,I was diagnosed with type II mania.Every single time I have a huge episode when I'm with my significant other,and it soon goes away,it's as if it never happened?!My mind just completely blocks off the fact that I just went through something major,it definately scares my boyfriend.He always says "See your doing much better now" but what people that don't have Bipolar,won't understand that it could come back so easily because it's manic.So i'll go from being overly depressed/suicidal thoughts,to being happy go lucky again,anyone go through that too?
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dreams in neon
12-04-2008, 07:16 PM
When I'm manic (I'm bipolar I rapid cycling) I cycle on an hourly basis between mania, depression, irritability, agitation -- sometimes even auditory hallucinations, delusions and paranoia.
My sister used to be in denial about my bipolar and would often ask me, "What do you feel when you're manic? Are you anxious? Nervous? If so, those are normal emotions that everyone experiences from day to day." What she fails to understand is that I don't have any control over my feelings and since I rapid cycle so much, I can barely put my finger on any of the emotions I feel because they change so quickly. That makes it difficult for me to pinpoint exactly what I'm feeling at any given time.
I'm happy to report that she has since accepted my diagnosis and is now one of my best advocates. She always keeps an eye on me and is the first to tell me if I'm showing signs of mania (95% of my symptoms revolve around mania except during the autumn and winter months when I cycle between mania and depression).
My sister used to be in denial about my bipolar and would often ask me, "What do you feel when you're manic? Are you anxious? Nervous? If so, those are normal emotions that everyone experiences from day to day." What she fails to understand is that I don't have any control over my feelings and since I rapid cycle so much, I can barely put my finger on any of the emotions I feel because they change so quickly. That makes it difficult for me to pinpoint exactly what I'm feeling at any given time.
I'm happy to report that she has since accepted my diagnosis and is now one of my best advocates. She always keeps an eye on me and is the first to tell me if I'm showing signs of mania (95% of my symptoms revolve around mania except during the autumn and winter months when I cycle between mania and depression).
CindyInOz
12-04-2008, 07:41 PM
I don't think anyone who hasnt walked in the shoes of Bipolar truely understands the lack of control we have over our highs and lows. After an episode, others seem to think your over it and consistent in their efforts to convince us that we are doing much better (ie - now we are well?) I too never saw my highs as having a major impact, once they were over I continued on as if nothing had happened. It was only after (finally) finding the right medication for me and making some good lifestyle changes that I was able to look back and see how very huge my mania had been and what an immense impact it made not only to myself but to those around me. My partner seems to think it's a case of "mind over matter" and that I should be able to control my mood swings, but even on medication I still experience them albeit to a much lesser and controllable degree.
I have now sort of given up even trying to explain it to him, as those "outside the bipolar circle" really have no idea what it is like to live on a daily roller coaster and to never quite be sure whether the joy or pain you are feeling is "real" or not. Even now, after years of being stable, when I get excited or very happy about something I question whether I am "normally" excited or whether I am manically excited. It's can be quite exhausting monitoring myself constantly. But, yes I do believe that others simply dont get the fact that we can have our manias and depressions occur at anytime and that they will almost always be there forever.
Brightest Blessings to you,
CindyInOz
I have now sort of given up even trying to explain it to him, as those "outside the bipolar circle" really have no idea what it is like to live on a daily roller coaster and to never quite be sure whether the joy or pain you are feeling is "real" or not. Even now, after years of being stable, when I get excited or very happy about something I question whether I am "normally" excited or whether I am manically excited. It's can be quite exhausting monitoring myself constantly. But, yes I do believe that others simply dont get the fact that we can have our manias and depressions occur at anytime and that they will almost always be there forever.
Brightest Blessings to you,
CindyInOz
LonelyInNY
12-04-2008, 07:52 PM
yes i have been like that for a long time, it got to the point where i'm in counseling. i've been emotionally and physically abused. I have trust issues and i'm some times selfish and never really satisfied with anything. i block out major episodes as well. b/c bi polar has its on/ off switch, we are very selective in our memories.
xblondeangel650
12-04-2008, 09:51 PM
That is true what you say,being able to switch how you feel on and off,it sounds kind of great because you can push the pain aside.It just sucks when down the road it hits you 10x harder with the mania,and then major depression.I wish it could be irrability only instead of mixing the depression part of it,that's when everything turns into being scary.I have literally scared my significant other,and I don't feel sympathetic towards his emotions at all during that time.It's like your selfish going through manic episodes,I really feel bad for my family putting up with me though,boggles my mind how they handle it.
blugreen
12-05-2008, 11:44 AM
I feel the same way. When I fly into rages and say and do horrible things to my husband, I don't even feel bad about it. Then, when I'm over it, I expect him to not be mad at me anymore, like it wasn't a big deal. He also is one of those who does not buy the whole bipolar thing and is a mind over matter person too. It is so aggravating. He thinks I blame everything on the illness, but I'm not blaming the illness, I'm just trying to explain that it is the illness that makes me not be able to control my emotions or feelings or how they go up and down. The sad thing is that he is leaving me soon because of an affair I had before my diagnosis and I had really thought if he learned more about this disease, he would understand more about how my mind works, etc. The BP is in no way an excuse for the affair, but it does explain how I was able to do it and not feel bad, not think it was a big deal, etc. So, I can definitely identify with the blocking out of things you do, or not feeling empathy about things. It really sucks because that is what has ruined my marriage. If I had felt bad enough after the first time, I would not have continued the affair.
LonelyInNY
12-05-2008, 12:06 PM
i don't know how they handle my bi polar manic states as well, my mother has said if you don't get better i'm going to have to do something about it and ask you to leave. i'm worried about that. my life hasn't been easy, but i'm trying. thats what counts
i'm 180lbs, but i've pushed my self for 4 yrs and lost 75lbs, i used to be 255lbs. so i know i don't want someone that don't take care of himself and don't have good hygenie. i don't deserve less than that...any ways..
dreamsin in neon- your lucky to have a supportive sister, mine is cold hearted. she never understood, thinking i was acting out always wanted the wrong attention. she always downed me and never stood up for me, she used me as a golrfied babysitter and i never want three kids. one is enough for me, but i'd like one more if the guy is willing to be prepared for night feedings and helping me out. i want a joint marriage.
i'm 180lbs, but i've pushed my self for 4 yrs and lost 75lbs, i used to be 255lbs. so i know i don't want someone that don't take care of himself and don't have good hygenie. i don't deserve less than that...any ways..
dreamsin in neon- your lucky to have a supportive sister, mine is cold hearted. she never understood, thinking i was acting out always wanted the wrong attention. she always downed me and never stood up for me, she used me as a golrfied babysitter and i never want three kids. one is enough for me, but i'd like one more if the guy is willing to be prepared for night feedings and helping me out. i want a joint marriage.
BABYGIRL51
12-05-2008, 01:57 PM
I Am New To This Sight And Found That Maybe I Should Be Tested For Bi-polar Cause The Episodes You Explain I Have Been Going Through The Past 6 Months And Had No Idea What I Was Going Through.
I think I amy be bipolar
I think I amy be bipolar
blugreen
12-06-2008, 11:36 AM
BABYGIRL-- If you are thinking you are BP, and these stories remind you of yourself, you at least owe it to yourself to see a qualified doctor to be tested or evaluated. I was so glad to learn there was a name for what I have been going through and that there is hope that I can feel somewhat "normal." I hope you get the help you need and please keep us updated!
dreams in neon
12-06-2008, 02:21 PM
I echo blugreen's advice to be evaluated by a pdoc.
I suffered from BP for many, many years before I was officially diagnosed.
It wasn't until I experienced a severe manic/psychotic episode 2 years ago and was hospitalized for a little over a month that I was finally diagnosed with BP (well, schizoaffective bipolar type first and over the past 12 months, BPI rapid cycling with a secondary diagnosis of schizoaffective).
I don't mention this to scare you, but only to say that I waited a long time before getting the help I needed. It's good that you have enough insight to recognize what's happening to you because many people don't.
When finding a pdoc, look for one you feel comfortable with and one you can ask questions of. I made the mistake of sticking with a pdoc for the past year and a half who did absolutely *nothing* to address my rapid cycling. He only increased my meds ONCE during the entire time I saw him and not once did he discuss IP treatment should I experience a severe manic/psychotic episode, so I recently switched to another pdoc.
My new pdoc believes in IP treatment when necessary and addressing a patient's mania, depression or rapid cycling immediately. He is also more than happy to answer any questions I have about BP and schizoaffective.
Hope this helps -- and good luck.
I suffered from BP for many, many years before I was officially diagnosed.
It wasn't until I experienced a severe manic/psychotic episode 2 years ago and was hospitalized for a little over a month that I was finally diagnosed with BP (well, schizoaffective bipolar type first and over the past 12 months, BPI rapid cycling with a secondary diagnosis of schizoaffective).
I don't mention this to scare you, but only to say that I waited a long time before getting the help I needed. It's good that you have enough insight to recognize what's happening to you because many people don't.
When finding a pdoc, look for one you feel comfortable with and one you can ask questions of. I made the mistake of sticking with a pdoc for the past year and a half who did absolutely *nothing* to address my rapid cycling. He only increased my meds ONCE during the entire time I saw him and not once did he discuss IP treatment should I experience a severe manic/psychotic episode, so I recently switched to another pdoc.
My new pdoc believes in IP treatment when necessary and addressing a patient's mania, depression or rapid cycling immediately. He is also more than happy to answer any questions I have about BP and schizoaffective.
Hope this helps -- and good luck.