hello, i am new to this, it has taken a while for me to even feel like it is ok for me to seek support. I am considering seeking a counselor. Anyway, tonight I am feeling especially terrible, I have very few friends, one pair is expecting in Jan (after 2 months of trying) and I just found out that the other set of friends I have are also expecting (5 motnhs along). Everyone around me is pregnant or just had a baby. Here I am, 1 yr after a miscarriage, still going through testing, (laperoscopy in 3 weeks). Scared to death of surgery, angry that everyone else has no problems, feeling quite alone. There is more to the story, but I just really wanted to get this off my chest for now. Any and all replies welcome...i now other's have already been where i am...how do you cope? Do you ever really get through this?

<cyberhug> I'm sorry, it isn't much fun. We've been trying for 15 months and I realized after about eight that something was not going right, but I dragged about going to the doctor mostly out of being afraid that they'd either (a)not find anything wrong at all and say "Beats us" (b) find some horrible incurable condition. Silly, hmm? Wasted a lot of time that way. Finally went and what do you know, PCOS.

It's hard about the friends - we also have friends who are having babies and it can be difficult. It's really tempting not to talk to them so much, just because it's painful to see them/their babies, but I wouldn't do that. Just talk to them, and while you don't need to unburden everything that's happened, with someone you're sufficiently close to you can let them know something of what you're going through. You'd be surprised how many of them had difficulties before they had their own children, or had huge worries about it. Some of my friends surprised me with their stories. And even if they haven't had problems, they understand as well as anyone what it's like to want a baby. And finding a place like this can be a real blessing when you need someone who's having the same thing at the same time as you are.

I hope that helps a little bit http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif. Good luck!

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Sufficient unto the day are the evils thereof.

Erin, we're here for you.
The only way you get through it is to do things like come here and share. You'll see by this board that there are countless others going through what you are. Accept the fact that you have a right to be angry/hurt/frustrated. Allow yourself time to grieve and fume then take that energy and get educated and find out what others are doing to get help.

Take it from someone who lost a set of:
-twin boys @ 6months pregnant
-two single babies at 3 months
-twins @ 3.5 months
-another single @ 2months

BUT HOWEVER!!!

I then, (with doctor's help, HSG, Laps, drugs, AI etc.,)
gave birth to a little girl, almost three years later another girl, and seven years later... another girl and now I am waiting to find out if I am pregnant. God willing, I am.
There is hope for you! Hang with us and read and learn and we'll be here to support, listen, and pray for you.

We're all in this together Erin.

My husband and I tried from 92 to 97 on our own and then 96 to 99 with the help of doctors. My husband has the problem. January of 2000 I had a daughter. In that time my sister had 3, one of my sister in laws had 2, the other ( went through IVF ) had 1, and the third had 1. I know the frustration.

Hey Erin, I teared up when I read your message...I'm so sorry that your going through this - that any of us has to. I've been TTC for three years, not a single pregnancy yet, but as I wait and try, my friends who started with me are now having second babies and it just hurts my heart so much. I love them and want this so much for them it's just that I want it for me too. I want to share it with them and yet I feel like an outsider, distancing myself more and more from people as time goes by. I have discussed this with almost no one. I go though fertility treatments in secrecy because I just don't want to have to "report back" any failures. My husband and I struggle to keep it together and most of the time I just feel sad.

What advice is there even to give. Hang in there. Know that there are others like you though they may not be a huge presence in your day to day life. And as More2Love has shown, perseverance can certainly pay off, so don't stop trying and wanting and believing this can happen.

Good good luck and glad we all found a place where people understand what we're talking about!!


More2Love: I didn't know your history. Wow, what devastation but what joy you must have now in your girls! Things do happen and this is what we have to keep our eye on.

[This message has been edited by Ontario Girl (edited 09-09-2003).]

Erin, hang in there sweetie!! I have been where you are as you will find there are many who have suffered m/c and it probably is one of the most devastating situations to go through, but know this we are all here for you. I have been married to DH for 5 years and never used any kind of birth control tried on our own for three years to no avail then then I go pg and m/c after 3 weeks. Come to find out I have PCOS and have gotten the help I needed. I have finally started to O and I am thrilled!!!

Believe me I know how you just want to scream and yell WHY CAN'T IT BE ME, but it will be you. You just have to not give up. There are babies everywhere I turn, my brother just had a baby boy in June, my SIL is pg and due in Feb (I cried for an hour when I found this out). I am so happy for them, but I ache on the inside for me. So, we all know how it feels. Try to be strong!

http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif
Jody

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Baby Dust To All!!!

[This message has been edited by JodyT (edited 09-09-2003).]

Hi, Erin. Sorry you are feeling down but I think a lot of people here know how you feel and have shared many of the same feelings. I know so many people - friends, realtives, coworkers who are either pregnant or just had a baby or started trying after we did and are already planning a second child. It is frustrating and very unfair that any of us have to go through this. I get angry when I catch myself being jealous of others good fortune but I think really mostly what I am feeling is grief that we have lost the opporuntiy to have a 'normal' pregnancy. I think the only advice I might offer is what you already are probably trying to do by coming here - allow yourself to unload the stress and anger and frustration with dh or a real trusted friend or the ladies here. I have also thought about dropping in at a Resolve meeting to talk with others that know what it is like to go through this. I am having a lap on Friday for the first time and I am pretty scared too. I am having a cyst removed that I think (hope) developed from using clomid. Lots of people have said the lap is no big deal but I have never had surgery so any surgery sounds big to me. I am also nervous to find out what else is going on inside me - I don't want to learn that there are other obstacles to our success. I am sort of looking forward to just having it behind me though. Good luck with your lap - I will let you know if I come home with any advice.

[This message has been edited by STILLttc (edited 09-09-2003).]

i would like to thank everyone that has responded to my message. i am always being told that i am not the only one going through this and that what i am feeling is normal, but it means so much more when it comes from those people are or have been where i am, feeling the same things. Thank you so much, my heart goes out to all of you.

Erin, I am so sorry for your loss. Please know that you are not alone. We have all been brought here together. I've had 3 m/c in 1 1/2 years- last one was October of last year. We've been ttc for 3 years now. I am 38, DH 34. They think they know the cause of my miscarriages now, but not until after the 3rd. I would suggest that you not wait too terribly long before asking for testing. I did a lot of reseach and actually asked for the testing which brough my problem to light. Keep the faith. I hope and pray that you (and all of us) will be blessed with our own little miracles very soon!