Is anyone going through the adoption process or thought about adopting? How did you get to that point? It's just so hard to make that decision for me. We have been going through treatments for over 2 years (with 2 m/c) and I'm at the end of my rope ... it's either IVF (and we could only afford to do it once after all we have spent) or start the adoption process. Any advise or words of wisdom would be helpful.

Thanks. This board is great to go to because everyone understands what you are going through!

Hey Tennisgal, we are in the last week of our 2ww for our last fertility treatment. I am reading a wonderful book right now called Adoption After Infertility. It is somewhat dated- published in 1991 I think but very effective. The authors both experienced infertility and then grew their families through adoption. This book has raised some wonderful points of discussion for me and my DH. We have decided to pursue adoption after this treatment if we are not pregnant. I have been researching adoption for some time now and know that unless we get pregnant with triplets we will definitely adopt one day. For me and my DH it came down to the time when we are so ready to be parents even though the route to having a child may not be what we had invisioned. More than anything we want the priveledge of being able to parent. I hope this information helps. I would love to talk more with you.

Becca

Hello tennisgal and becca,

I also feel like I am in the end of my rope after 5 years of ttc and 2m/c...DH and I deceided that if I don´t get pregnant this year, we will start the adoption process in jan/2004. We are Brazilians and we will try to adopt a brazilian baby. I have researched a little about the adoption process, but I still need to get more information, choose an adoption agency, etc.

Minouche

Hi all, my DH and I have discussed adoption at length, met with my family doctor who suffered infertility and is now an adoptive mother, really helpful...it's such a hard point to have to get to because in turning to adoption we'd be essentially accepting that the door to pregnancy is closed and we're not there yet. If that time comes we'll embrace adoption it as our opportunity to have children. Like you said, beccalee, that just may be our route to parenthood too.

Good luck tennisgal.

Erin

HI, everyone,

I'll share with you parts of a poem I read long ago as we were discussing the possibility of adopting - we did get pg, so did not adopt. I wish I had kept this poem because I thought it wonderful (and maybe it is here somewhere, but we've moved twice and I cannot find it). I have no idea who wrote it, but this is what I remember:

"Not flesh of my flesh
or bone of my bone,
but still uniquely my very own.
..... you grew not under my heart, but in it."

Bless each of you - Barbara

found it on-line:

THE ANSWER
(To An Adopted Child)
Not flesh of my flesh
Nor bone of my bone,
But still miraculously
My own.
Never forget
For a single minute:
You didn't grow under my heart,
But in it.

--Fleur Conkling Heyliger

again, blessings - Barbara

what a beautiful poem, barbaraH.. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif thank you for sharing.. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif I will keep it to wirte in my adoption journal.. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif

ontario girl - my dh feels the same way you do (closing the door to ttc)...I fell a little bit different..I would love to give a loving family to an orphan baby, give him/her all this love that we´ve been holding inside...and in three or four years we can start ttc again, and hopefully the tecnology will be even more advanced... http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif

Minouche

That is a beautiful poem, Barbara...I'll keep that around too.

Hi Minouche, I never really thought about the adoption option that way but it's terrific and makes so much sense. Why not TTC again in the future? I tend to be very black and white about things at times http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/t_down.gif and this actually never occurred to me. Thanks for giving me something great to consider http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif.

Erin

TennisGal, did you read my post: "Something most people aren't aware of.... "

I think you have an awesome outlook and you are in my prayers!!

Hi there!
I just wanted to say that my dh and I have been ttc for 1.5 yrs. We find out on mon what our next step is.
Also my brother and I were adopted into the most loving family we could have ever asked for. OUr parents tried to conceive for years and their dr couldn't find anything wrong. I may be selfish but I'm so glad that we're here!
My MIL said she could never adopt ( her bf wants a child w her but her tubes r tied) she could never love a child that wasn't "from" her. I cried, that was one of the meanest thing she has ever said, she also said awhile ago that it would be funny if I miscarried after i have the IUI. Needless to say more things have been said and we're not talking http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/frown.gif
Anyways my dh and I would love to adopt even if we r able to concieve. You can love that child just as much as if it was your own..because in the end they are http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/wink.gif

S&J,

Your MIL is so insensitive.... http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/frown.gif I believe that adoption is a beautiful thing to do...it is so generous to love and raise a child that nobody wanted, that didn't have a family or somedy to love her/him.
My dh and I always wanted to adopt, even before we knew we would go through infertility, even if we have biological children. We think we are so blessed that we want to give it back giving a loving family to an orphan child,
Sometimes, I am even glad that I am going throudh infertility because now I can give even more value to the miracle of parenthood.

Minouche

Thanks for all the posts. It helps to know that you guys are out there in a similar situation. I'm still trying to figure out what to do? I made an appt for an IVF consult so I guess I'll give it one more shot before considering adoption. It's just not an easy decision. I do know that whatever route my dh and I choose that we will be happy (it's just hard to see that right now).

I am going to get the book you recommended called Adoption after Infertilty.. thanks.

Best of luck everyone. Would love to hear from you.

Hi tennisgal. We adopted our daughter from Russia last year, when she was 6 months old. Barbara's poem pretty much sums it up...that child is completely ours, was always meant to be ours, and I cannot imagine life without her.

S&J, what a horrid, horrid thing for your MIL to say.
She is obviously totally selfish and completely clueless. Good thing she doesn't adopt, b/c she doesn't deserve to be an adoptive parent anyway.

In our case, we did things backwards, adopted first then fertility treatments later. I felt very, very strongly my child was in Russia, so when faced with the option of IUI or IVF, we chose to adopt. It just "felt right." I don't know how else to describe it, but I do feel that if you're called to adopt, you'll know it. I don't regret it for one second. When DD turned 2 we began IF treatments, and are now expecting twins in April thanks to IUI. Funny thing, though, I am actually worried about loving these bio kids as much as I love my adopted daughter! (Although I know I'll love them equally).

My DH and I went through infertility treatments for about five years then finally decided to adopt. We have a beautiful 2yo little boy that we couldn't love more if he had been born to us. Now we are pg via IVF using donor egg, dh sperm. I know there is no possiblity that I'll love one over the other. When you are called to adopt, you'll know it. And believe it or not, we went through the adoption process for a little less than a year before our son's birth parents found us. It wasn't as hard as it may seem. Good luck and I'll keep you in my prayers that you find your answers!
http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif
Michelle

Yep my MIl is very insensitive...but I guess that's how she is http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/frown.gif I wish the best for you all in your decisions!
S&J