SarahPW
01-04-2009, 02:46 PM
Hi all,
For those who haven't got the time to read this (as its a long post!), basically I'm suffering with jealous OCD. I've been bad for a yr now and want it gone. My poor boyfriend is so supportive, but I want us "normal" again. Thoughts like "when he moves jobs what if theres a hot girl there" destroy my days. I am sick and tired of the erratic heart beats and panic and crying. Please help...Please read on if you want to or if you have time. I REALLY want advice. Thanks
I have been reading a post made by Eve E from years ago called Jealousy, ocd and depression (or something like that) and what she had/has sounds similar to me! It ended with her saying "I'm tired" and that was it. Does anyone know what happened to her? Because I'm interested how she ended her OCD.
I also am screaming out for help. So if any of you have similar tales/experiences/tips PLEASE share. Here goes....
In November 2007 I confessed to my boyfriend that I had kissed another man (who he still has to see at work every now and then because we used to work in the same company - which is how I met my BF and how I did a stupid thing of kissing another guy) I also told him how I'd "eye flirted" with many guys and even met up a couple of times with a couple of guys. I sound hidiously nasty and I regret what I did - I put it down to low self esteem and never having had a proper serious relation before (although I am 26!) My BF decided he loved me and said he didn't want to loose me or our relationship, which aside from the above, was wonderful. So we carried on. Since November 07 I then went into a melt down. I became obsessed that any look at all or any chat at all I had with a guy other than my BF I was worried "OMG am I cheating on him...do I want to cheat with that guy?!" and I'd email my BF or go home and tell him...My poor bf listened to stuff like this for months and then I decided to take action...I got therapy in a very well heard of clinic in the UK. I was booked in for day / group therapy and attended OCD course, General Anxiety Course and elf Esteem course. I have to admit that it has helped with some of my worries and constant "what ifs" .. basically they told me to stop neating myself up and "who cares if you DO do a flirty look cos its just a moment in time and as long as I dont take it further theres no real harm". So my BF and I were OK for a while. I have to say I feel honored to be going out with such a loving and understanding man. He is so supportive, but I want to be free of all these feelings and for us to get on with life properly again!
So now for the past 6 months or so my attention (OCD) has been taken away from ME and re-focused on him. I started questioning him like crazy about all his ex's and everyone he'd ever slept with/kissed/fancied.
Then (and hes VERY honest) when he'd told me what they were like I was fine because I now know they were all not that attractive and mostly unattractive. So I felt calm knowing that, in his words, I am the most attractive person he's ever been with and feels lucky to be with me.
Then I got my recent spell of OCD thoughts...its been eating aay at me pretty much constantly. Everyday it feels like I remember, or more to the point, cant quite remember, "instances" about the past where I say "did that girl ever check you out?...Did you find her attractive?...When you worked there did you find that person hot?...Have you ever "thought" about so and so?" etc - and (thankfully) everytime he's answered honestly (swearing on his mums life and his nephews life) that "no" he never did and as far as he's aware he's never been checked out by a girl. At most he thought they might have looked to see "is he hot" and then he said "but I cant remember that ACTUALLY happening and it would have been before you anyway even if it did".
I have a little book which was a diary of "compliments" people give me my SE course said it would help build up my elf esteem if I saw how often I got compliments. Which it did, but even so I'm ALWAY "marking" girls out of 10 and if I see a girl mearly look in his direction probably just cos she's looking about, I STILL have to say "her figure is not as good as mine, her hair is not as long, shiny, soft or brunette as mine and her face is not as Liv Tyler like or as cat like as mine, so even if she had checekd him out it doesn't matter cos shes at most 7/10 whereas I'm 8/10 at least" etc. But then it pops into my head again and I have to say it all agian in my head. And its so obvious 'm thinking like that..in fact my BF has started calling it my "head s**t's". If someone from the past pops in to my head and I think "i wonder if he thought she was hot...or ..Did she definitely never check him out.." and I HAVE to ask him to double check ...even though the answer is always no (and I can tell he's honest and I can believe him).
Just now (which is why I joined this site) I coudn't get the thought out of my head "did I ever see a girl chcek him out but I told him No they definitely didn't"...but because I cant remember who it might have been I think it over and over and probably "imagine" someone to think that about. Although after calming down I'm pretty certain I said it purely about people I'd not be THAT worried about anyway. Although my stupid OCD head keeps saying "are you sure?!" but I guess that IS just OCD. It tries to knock you off balance all the time - I learnt that in therapy.
I am considering hypnosis to help me "let go" of stuff so I dodn't have to always think "oh well its OK my friends and cousin must have it worse than me" (in terms of people checking out their bf's).
Has anyone used hypnosis to help jealous OCD? I think I've suffered for years because i used to have a thing about "will I need to go to the loo on a car trip" when I was 12 and also I guess what I did in the relastionship and my dad also cheating on my mum when I was a baby (they are happy now as it was YEARS ago) but I wonder if those things both cause me to stress about girls checking out my BF or him seeing a girl he might think "shes attractive" - i dont mind THAT "shes attractive" thought so much - its the THOUGHT "imagine he thought they were better than me" that I hate - despite him telling me all the time he finds me the hottest girl he's ever seen or known.
PLEASE help someone!! Because I want to give my brain a rest and certainly my bf's as well. I just want to never remember anyone else or have "did anything happen there that I'd feel upset about" thoughts anymore. Cos everytime I think of someone and he reasures me I have nothing to worry about I think "surely thats the last thought now" but a day later or sooner sometimes and I think of something else or have another "tampered with memory" (a memory that I'm probably exaggerating or making up cos of my imagination and OCD brain).
Does this relate to anyone at all HELP!!!
Thanks in advance : )
Sarah
For those who haven't got the time to read this (as its a long post!), basically I'm suffering with jealous OCD. I've been bad for a yr now and want it gone. My poor boyfriend is so supportive, but I want us "normal" again. Thoughts like "when he moves jobs what if theres a hot girl there" destroy my days. I am sick and tired of the erratic heart beats and panic and crying. Please help...Please read on if you want to or if you have time. I REALLY want advice. Thanks
I have been reading a post made by Eve E from years ago called Jealousy, ocd and depression (or something like that) and what she had/has sounds similar to me! It ended with her saying "I'm tired" and that was it. Does anyone know what happened to her? Because I'm interested how she ended her OCD.
I also am screaming out for help. So if any of you have similar tales/experiences/tips PLEASE share. Here goes....
In November 2007 I confessed to my boyfriend that I had kissed another man (who he still has to see at work every now and then because we used to work in the same company - which is how I met my BF and how I did a stupid thing of kissing another guy) I also told him how I'd "eye flirted" with many guys and even met up a couple of times with a couple of guys. I sound hidiously nasty and I regret what I did - I put it down to low self esteem and never having had a proper serious relation before (although I am 26!) My BF decided he loved me and said he didn't want to loose me or our relationship, which aside from the above, was wonderful. So we carried on. Since November 07 I then went into a melt down. I became obsessed that any look at all or any chat at all I had with a guy other than my BF I was worried "OMG am I cheating on him...do I want to cheat with that guy?!" and I'd email my BF or go home and tell him...My poor bf listened to stuff like this for months and then I decided to take action...I got therapy in a very well heard of clinic in the UK. I was booked in for day / group therapy and attended OCD course, General Anxiety Course and elf Esteem course. I have to admit that it has helped with some of my worries and constant "what ifs" .. basically they told me to stop neating myself up and "who cares if you DO do a flirty look cos its just a moment in time and as long as I dont take it further theres no real harm". So my BF and I were OK for a while. I have to say I feel honored to be going out with such a loving and understanding man. He is so supportive, but I want to be free of all these feelings and for us to get on with life properly again!
So now for the past 6 months or so my attention (OCD) has been taken away from ME and re-focused on him. I started questioning him like crazy about all his ex's and everyone he'd ever slept with/kissed/fancied.
Then (and hes VERY honest) when he'd told me what they were like I was fine because I now know they were all not that attractive and mostly unattractive. So I felt calm knowing that, in his words, I am the most attractive person he's ever been with and feels lucky to be with me.
Then I got my recent spell of OCD thoughts...its been eating aay at me pretty much constantly. Everyday it feels like I remember, or more to the point, cant quite remember, "instances" about the past where I say "did that girl ever check you out?...Did you find her attractive?...When you worked there did you find that person hot?...Have you ever "thought" about so and so?" etc - and (thankfully) everytime he's answered honestly (swearing on his mums life and his nephews life) that "no" he never did and as far as he's aware he's never been checked out by a girl. At most he thought they might have looked to see "is he hot" and then he said "but I cant remember that ACTUALLY happening and it would have been before you anyway even if it did".
I have a little book which was a diary of "compliments" people give me my SE course said it would help build up my elf esteem if I saw how often I got compliments. Which it did, but even so I'm ALWAY "marking" girls out of 10 and if I see a girl mearly look in his direction probably just cos she's looking about, I STILL have to say "her figure is not as good as mine, her hair is not as long, shiny, soft or brunette as mine and her face is not as Liv Tyler like or as cat like as mine, so even if she had checekd him out it doesn't matter cos shes at most 7/10 whereas I'm 8/10 at least" etc. But then it pops into my head again and I have to say it all agian in my head. And its so obvious 'm thinking like that..in fact my BF has started calling it my "head s**t's". If someone from the past pops in to my head and I think "i wonder if he thought she was hot...or ..Did she definitely never check him out.." and I HAVE to ask him to double check ...even though the answer is always no (and I can tell he's honest and I can believe him).
Just now (which is why I joined this site) I coudn't get the thought out of my head "did I ever see a girl chcek him out but I told him No they definitely didn't"...but because I cant remember who it might have been I think it over and over and probably "imagine" someone to think that about. Although after calming down I'm pretty certain I said it purely about people I'd not be THAT worried about anyway. Although my stupid OCD head keeps saying "are you sure?!" but I guess that IS just OCD. It tries to knock you off balance all the time - I learnt that in therapy.
I am considering hypnosis to help me "let go" of stuff so I dodn't have to always think "oh well its OK my friends and cousin must have it worse than me" (in terms of people checking out their bf's).
Has anyone used hypnosis to help jealous OCD? I think I've suffered for years because i used to have a thing about "will I need to go to the loo on a car trip" when I was 12 and also I guess what I did in the relastionship and my dad also cheating on my mum when I was a baby (they are happy now as it was YEARS ago) but I wonder if those things both cause me to stress about girls checking out my BF or him seeing a girl he might think "shes attractive" - i dont mind THAT "shes attractive" thought so much - its the THOUGHT "imagine he thought they were better than me" that I hate - despite him telling me all the time he finds me the hottest girl he's ever seen or known.
PLEASE help someone!! Because I want to give my brain a rest and certainly my bf's as well. I just want to never remember anyone else or have "did anything happen there that I'd feel upset about" thoughts anymore. Cos everytime I think of someone and he reasures me I have nothing to worry about I think "surely thats the last thought now" but a day later or sooner sometimes and I think of something else or have another "tampered with memory" (a memory that I'm probably exaggerating or making up cos of my imagination and OCD brain).
Does this relate to anyone at all HELP!!!
Thanks in advance : )
Sarah
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redshoesgirl
01-10-2009, 07:44 AM
Hi. I defnitely do relate to what you are talking about. I just wrote a reply to the post regarding being obsessed with boyfriends sexual past. You should have a look at that.x
SarahPW
01-10-2009, 08:34 AM
Hi redshoegirl,
Thanks for posting that reply - its good to know that someone has these intrusive thoughts as well. I really was thinking I was the only one! Especially as I'd not got any replies!!
I am like you in that a Q will pop into head, as far as i'm aware, for no reason at all, it just seems to appear. Like last night I suddenly thought "did that girl who looked at you have nice eyebrows?" - cos up until then I was sure she was rather "ugly shrew-like" and had nothing to worry about - but then cos I couldn't remember her 100% i thought "did she have nice eyebrows?" - even tho my boyfriend said he found her unattractive cos he said she looked like one of his unattractive cousins. Its all so stupid - but I get what you mean about having a woodpecker in your head. And my Bf can also "see" on my face when I've had a thought / question pop into my mind. I also spend ages going over and over it once I think i've reassured myself - but then OCD makes me think "are you sure tho?!" But in that case I am pretty sure I thought at the time that she was not very attractive.
I just want to be better - I have never self harmed - but I do feel "would it be better for him if I wasn't here?". i HATE it.
Thanks for posting. Please update me on yourself. How its going etc.
Thanks for posting that reply - its good to know that someone has these intrusive thoughts as well. I really was thinking I was the only one! Especially as I'd not got any replies!!
I am like you in that a Q will pop into head, as far as i'm aware, for no reason at all, it just seems to appear. Like last night I suddenly thought "did that girl who looked at you have nice eyebrows?" - cos up until then I was sure she was rather "ugly shrew-like" and had nothing to worry about - but then cos I couldn't remember her 100% i thought "did she have nice eyebrows?" - even tho my boyfriend said he found her unattractive cos he said she looked like one of his unattractive cousins. Its all so stupid - but I get what you mean about having a woodpecker in your head. And my Bf can also "see" on my face when I've had a thought / question pop into my mind. I also spend ages going over and over it once I think i've reassured myself - but then OCD makes me think "are you sure tho?!" But in that case I am pretty sure I thought at the time that she was not very attractive.
I just want to be better - I have never self harmed - but I do feel "would it be better for him if I wasn't here?". i HATE it.
Thanks for posting. Please update me on yourself. How its going etc.