LiteraryPumpkin
12-02-2002, 11:05 PM
OK guys, if you're gonna lynch me, let's get it over with. I have spent a lifetime taking my problems seriously and I just can't do it anymore. I can cry with you, I can pray for you, but I need to laugh at my problems. One of which is IBS.
Universal Pictures Presents
From Tom Hanks, the creator of THAT THING YOU DO.
The boys in the band are back and better than ever! .. and gal pal Liv Tyler too!
Follow the WONDERS as they bust the pop charts. Struggle with them as they learn that they all have Irritable Bowel Syndrome.
THAT THING YOU DO DO
Also starring:
Bjork as "Ghost of Christmas Past" on LSD: The role she was born to play!
Michael Jackson as an anemic Latoya Jackson with ugly legs
Drew Barrymore as Sarah Jessica Parker with breast implants
Dolly Parton as Drew Barrymore with breast implants
...and Celine Dion as the singing pole lamp.
Playing at a Theater Near You
From Warner Brothers
The MARATHON MAN (Dustin Hoffman) is running again .. but this time it's to the bathroom.
It is 1966 and a secret and sinister group is poisoning America with a mysterious bowel disease, not detectable by medical science.
Thousands of Nazi war criminals have organized a secret society called THE PROCTOLOGISTS and are bent on torturing those that they have poisoned with unspeakable abuses.
THE IMODIUM MAN
"The proctology scenes are terrifying! I will be haunted by those screams for a long time." ---- Rex Reed
Also starring:
Ashley Judd as Wynnona Judd's left leg
Robin Williams in his first role ever as a normal person
Hannibal Lector as Anthony Hopkins
Vladimir Putin as H. Ross Perot
... and Ozzy Osbourne as a grown up Beaver Cleaver with brain damage due to a drug overdose
THIS ONE DOES NOT HAVE AN IBS THEME, BUT IS ONE FINE MOTION PICTURE!
A DreamWorks Film
Ridley Scott brings us the sequel to GLADIATOR!
Almost too big for the screen!
It is the last days of the Roman Empire and the emperor sends his daughter, Seripitus (Rosie O'Donnell) to Egypt to attempt to negotiate a pact to strengthen the empire's flank ...
But Pharaoh's virgin daughter (Brittany Spears) resorts to subterfuge to stop the treaty by misdirecting all sign posts in North Africa.
Seripitus and her body guards end up in the Congo .. The land of the vicious Chew-yu tribe: cannibals.
One by one, the body guards mysteriously disappear and the smell of Barb-B Q fills the jungle.
Finally, Seripitus is alone.
One day she stumbles upon a starving young man on a jungle trail. It is Tipupu (Chris Tucker: Rush Hour & Rush Hour 2). Unknown to Seripitus, Tipupu is a Chew-yu, a voracious cannibal.
GLAD HE ATE HER
"I was so shocked by this film that I may never eat Barb-B Q again!" --- Roger Ebert
Ripped from the pages of the runaway best seller: "Don't Eat The Barb-B Q!" By Julia Child
Also starring:
Kiefer Sutherland as Geronimo
..and Gwyneth Paltrow as Tipupu's toothpick.
Universal Pictures Presents
From Tom Hanks, the creator of THAT THING YOU DO.
The boys in the band are back and better than ever! .. and gal pal Liv Tyler too!
Follow the WONDERS as they bust the pop charts. Struggle with them as they learn that they all have Irritable Bowel Syndrome.
THAT THING YOU DO DO
Also starring:
Bjork as "Ghost of Christmas Past" on LSD: The role she was born to play!
Michael Jackson as an anemic Latoya Jackson with ugly legs
Drew Barrymore as Sarah Jessica Parker with breast implants
Dolly Parton as Drew Barrymore with breast implants
...and Celine Dion as the singing pole lamp.
Playing at a Theater Near You
From Warner Brothers
The MARATHON MAN (Dustin Hoffman) is running again .. but this time it's to the bathroom.
It is 1966 and a secret and sinister group is poisoning America with a mysterious bowel disease, not detectable by medical science.
Thousands of Nazi war criminals have organized a secret society called THE PROCTOLOGISTS and are bent on torturing those that they have poisoned with unspeakable abuses.
THE IMODIUM MAN
"The proctology scenes are terrifying! I will be haunted by those screams for a long time." ---- Rex Reed
Also starring:
Ashley Judd as Wynnona Judd's left leg
Robin Williams in his first role ever as a normal person
Hannibal Lector as Anthony Hopkins
Vladimir Putin as H. Ross Perot
... and Ozzy Osbourne as a grown up Beaver Cleaver with brain damage due to a drug overdose
THIS ONE DOES NOT HAVE AN IBS THEME, BUT IS ONE FINE MOTION PICTURE!
A DreamWorks Film
Ridley Scott brings us the sequel to GLADIATOR!
Almost too big for the screen!
It is the last days of the Roman Empire and the emperor sends his daughter, Seripitus (Rosie O'Donnell) to Egypt to attempt to negotiate a pact to strengthen the empire's flank ...
But Pharaoh's virgin daughter (Brittany Spears) resorts to subterfuge to stop the treaty by misdirecting all sign posts in North Africa.
Seripitus and her body guards end up in the Congo .. The land of the vicious Chew-yu tribe: cannibals.
One by one, the body guards mysteriously disappear and the smell of Barb-B Q fills the jungle.
Finally, Seripitus is alone.
One day she stumbles upon a starving young man on a jungle trail. It is Tipupu (Chris Tucker: Rush Hour & Rush Hour 2). Unknown to Seripitus, Tipupu is a Chew-yu, a voracious cannibal.
GLAD HE ATE HER
"I was so shocked by this film that I may never eat Barb-B Q again!" --- Roger Ebert
Ripped from the pages of the runaway best seller: "Don't Eat The Barb-B Q!" By Julia Child
Also starring:
Kiefer Sutherland as Geronimo
..and Gwyneth Paltrow as Tipupu's toothpick.