carsam
02-10-2009, 03:37 PM
Well friends...
My turn for an update.....I havent really posted in awhile, but am still reading and sorry to hear everyone is going through so much with their loved ones right now.
Well, mom is heading out again tonight on a flight home to help with Grandma. It is a very long journey and it takes alot out of her, flying all through the night, and arriving somewhere where she'll get no rest for the entire week. I worry so much about her, but cannot change her mind, it is her decision. I wonder what will be left of my mom when this is over, it has had such an impact on her. I am selfish and want her to be healthy and around for me and my kids.
So grandma was for a while barely eating and we thought things were severely going downhill. She seems to be eating a little better now. The sleep issues are still ridiculous.....hallucinating all the time, up all night....and sleeping for long periods during the day. I dont know how she keeps going honestly. She's still going through this "constant crying" phase......we just dont know what to do. She also seems to get very agitated halfway through what she's eating. From what I've read on here, it's maybe that she has trouble eating and gets frustrated. I've encouraged my uncle to try baby food, but dont know if he's attempted that.
So, one of the Sisters has shown up again. Comes there once or twice a week. Apparently she has nothing to do with the "other" sisters, and just wants to see her mother a few times here and there, and that's enough for her. Just enough to ease her conscience in my mind. She still leaves knowing Uncle is on his 3rd night with no sleep....and wont offer to let him actually get "out" of the house......ah what are we to do with these families?
As horrible as this illness is, it doesnt need to be this way, if families would just share the load. But as I can see here, that is just seldom the case.
Anyways, on a lighter note, my new little son is due to arrive on April 3rd, at 9:45 am by C-Section......and I am really looking forward to that ray of sunshine, and to watching the relationship grow between him and my 5 year old. Thank God for blessings....we so need them in our lives to light the way!!!
Please add my mom to your prayer lists that she has a safe journey and makes it through this stressful time......
Thanks dear friends,
Caroline xo
My turn for an update.....I havent really posted in awhile, but am still reading and sorry to hear everyone is going through so much with their loved ones right now.
Well, mom is heading out again tonight on a flight home to help with Grandma. It is a very long journey and it takes alot out of her, flying all through the night, and arriving somewhere where she'll get no rest for the entire week. I worry so much about her, but cannot change her mind, it is her decision. I wonder what will be left of my mom when this is over, it has had such an impact on her. I am selfish and want her to be healthy and around for me and my kids.
So grandma was for a while barely eating and we thought things were severely going downhill. She seems to be eating a little better now. The sleep issues are still ridiculous.....hallucinating all the time, up all night....and sleeping for long periods during the day. I dont know how she keeps going honestly. She's still going through this "constant crying" phase......we just dont know what to do. She also seems to get very agitated halfway through what she's eating. From what I've read on here, it's maybe that she has trouble eating and gets frustrated. I've encouraged my uncle to try baby food, but dont know if he's attempted that.
So, one of the Sisters has shown up again. Comes there once or twice a week. Apparently she has nothing to do with the "other" sisters, and just wants to see her mother a few times here and there, and that's enough for her. Just enough to ease her conscience in my mind. She still leaves knowing Uncle is on his 3rd night with no sleep....and wont offer to let him actually get "out" of the house......ah what are we to do with these families?
As horrible as this illness is, it doesnt need to be this way, if families would just share the load. But as I can see here, that is just seldom the case.
Anyways, on a lighter note, my new little son is due to arrive on April 3rd, at 9:45 am by C-Section......and I am really looking forward to that ray of sunshine, and to watching the relationship grow between him and my 5 year old. Thank God for blessings....we so need them in our lives to light the way!!!
Please add my mom to your prayer lists that she has a safe journey and makes it through this stressful time......
Thanks dear friends,
Caroline xo
Sponsor
rosequartz
02-10-2009, 03:43 PM
Caroline - I'm sending prayers to your mom, your grama, and you......
:angel:
:angel:
carsam
02-10-2009, 03:50 PM
Thank you so much Rose......that really means alot....it is so good to have a place where you know you can count on for support, no matter when you post.
Love, Caroline xo
Love, Caroline xo
meg1230
02-10-2009, 06:16 PM
I know you're worried about your mom but she comes from strong stock. As do you. We will all bounce back and as Churchill once said, "if you're going through hell, keep going".
That what we all do here ..we keep on keeping on.
I can't wait to hear about that new little baby.
It is only 1 right, not 8 ??!?!?!?!:dizzy:
Love, Meg
That what we all do here ..we keep on keeping on.
I can't wait to hear about that new little baby.
It is only 1 right, not 8 ??!?!?!?!:dizzy:
Love, Meg
ibake&pray
02-10-2009, 06:35 PM
Caroline dear,
Your mother will survive because she has to. She will come home tired and sad, but she will hav given to your uncle and that is important.
What are we naming the new little one? Should we take a poll? Do you want us to vote? Should we help? How we wish we could send you something besides our love and prayers and best wishes....know that we are keeping you in our prayers.....
Your mother will survive because she has to. She will come home tired and sad, but she will hav given to your uncle and that is important.
What are we naming the new little one? Should we take a poll? Do you want us to vote? Should we help? How we wish we could send you something besides our love and prayers and best wishes....know that we are keeping you in our prayers.....
petal*pusher
02-10-2009, 07:15 PM
Hi Carsam...so good to hear from you! Your Mom must be an incredible woman to be willing to take these long journeys to help her brother...bless, bless, bless her! Glad to hear an aunt is making a tiny attempt...perhaps your Mom being there will give her a different aspect to the seriousness of what's going on...and she'll do more to help.
I'm anxious to hear more about that youngin'...and know how excited you must be! Keeping you in my thoughts........Pam;)
I'm anxious to hear more about that youngin'...and know how excited you must be! Keeping you in my thoughts........Pam;)
Martha H
02-10-2009, 07:27 PM
Dear Caroline,
Happy to hear you already have a date for the C-section. Wow, that is not so far off. I wish you all the best. Stay away from STRESS! I hope your Mom will have a halfway decent week and catch up on her sleep when she gets home. You will be in my thoughts and prayers especially on April 3.
Lots of love and very very best wishes,
Martha
Happy to hear you already have a date for the C-section. Wow, that is not so far off. I wish you all the best. Stay away from STRESS! I hope your Mom will have a halfway decent week and catch up on her sleep when she gets home. You will be in my thoughts and prayers especially on April 3.
Lots of love and very very best wishes,
Martha
carsam
02-10-2009, 09:01 PM
Dearest Meg, Martha, Ibake, and Pam......
Well, I just dropped mom off at the airport......and bless her, she looks exhausted even at the beginning of such a long journey. But she is on her way, and is boarding the plane as I type this note.
I came home, full of concern, and hopes that this trip will go as well as can be expected, and give her some peace of mind....and so needing some reassurance and comfort I came straight to this board, knowing that my wonderful friends would have left me the support I needed to hear, and of course, here you all were.
Really and truly, I love you all.......
My little boy is on the way, yes, I wish you could all meet him, and I wish I could send you all a picture. IBake, you are too funny - We are likely going to call him "Ryan".....what do you think?
I cannot help but have a feeling that somehow there is a chance he will come into this world, and close a gap if the time comes that we lose grandma. This is life I suppose.....full of bittersweet events.......
Thank you all for being here for me.....I would say that you couldnt possibly know how much it means, but I know we all feel the same way!!!
Will keep you posted on how the week goes with grandma!!!
Love, Caroline xo
P.S. Meg, goodness me, yes there is just 1....... :)
Well, I just dropped mom off at the airport......and bless her, she looks exhausted even at the beginning of such a long journey. But she is on her way, and is boarding the plane as I type this note.
I came home, full of concern, and hopes that this trip will go as well as can be expected, and give her some peace of mind....and so needing some reassurance and comfort I came straight to this board, knowing that my wonderful friends would have left me the support I needed to hear, and of course, here you all were.
Really and truly, I love you all.......
My little boy is on the way, yes, I wish you could all meet him, and I wish I could send you all a picture. IBake, you are too funny - We are likely going to call him "Ryan".....what do you think?
I cannot help but have a feeling that somehow there is a chance he will come into this world, and close a gap if the time comes that we lose grandma. This is life I suppose.....full of bittersweet events.......
Thank you all for being here for me.....I would say that you couldnt possibly know how much it means, but I know we all feel the same way!!!
Will keep you posted on how the week goes with grandma!!!
Love, Caroline xo
P.S. Meg, goodness me, yes there is just 1....... :)
polina
02-10-2009, 10:47 PM
Caroline,
It will be a difficult trip for your mom to make but I think the feeling she will get knowing that she was there for your uncle to help support him on this will make her feel so good inside. Yes, she will be tired and worn looking maybe on the outside but inside she will be glad she went.
Spring time is a wonderful time to have a new baby!! It is the beginning to everything new and fresh. Its like the earth comes alive again in Spring. You have so much to look forward to with the birth of your son!
Love pauline
It will be a difficult trip for your mom to make but I think the feeling she will get knowing that she was there for your uncle to help support him on this will make her feel so good inside. Yes, she will be tired and worn looking maybe on the outside but inside she will be glad she went.
Spring time is a wonderful time to have a new baby!! It is the beginning to everything new and fresh. Its like the earth comes alive again in Spring. You have so much to look forward to with the birth of your son!
Love pauline
caringsister54
02-11-2009, 01:14 AM
So sorry to hear about grandma but glad your mother was stronger stock than I and can jump in to help her brother. He so needs it. Does he get a visiting nurse to help him during the week or month?
If not, this should be coordinated as soon as possible. It will only get worse not better.
Ryan is a lovely name and glad that you and your husband is happy with the upcoming event. A baby is a sign that God does have a plan and he's not done with us yet. What is the big-brother's name?
Please make sure to go to the store and get little gifts like matchbox cars or whatever, wrap them up and put them in a basket in the closet. When someone comes into the home with a gift for the new baby, you can go to the closet and get one out for 'big brother'. Its really important and some people forget that importance especially at the age yours is. You can't say "no this is for your brother" and he doesn't understand.
I hope this allows you to heal fast and enjoy the comfort of them both. Remember the baby doesn't know it gets held and such so don't forget to spend a lot of time with the first born because he'll not understand. My mother-in-law was the mother of six and provided that sage advice. My problem was that my daughter had some medical issues upon birth until three (all minor now-- thank God, but at the time, it was scary) and she took a lot of time and efforts from both of us. My oldest son (2 1/2 at the time of her birth) was a joy and we showered him with time and attention however when daughter came into our lives, we needed to tend to her demands so much, he suffered for it. And to this day, they are 24 and 21 and she always idolized him but he treated her like a pain. In some ways, he still resents her and her need for my attention but she thinks I coddle and cater to him as well!
Go figure!
My prayers are with you and your family. Ah, the joy of God's love is definitely in children.
CaringSister54
If not, this should be coordinated as soon as possible. It will only get worse not better.
Ryan is a lovely name and glad that you and your husband is happy with the upcoming event. A baby is a sign that God does have a plan and he's not done with us yet. What is the big-brother's name?
Please make sure to go to the store and get little gifts like matchbox cars or whatever, wrap them up and put them in a basket in the closet. When someone comes into the home with a gift for the new baby, you can go to the closet and get one out for 'big brother'. Its really important and some people forget that importance especially at the age yours is. You can't say "no this is for your brother" and he doesn't understand.
I hope this allows you to heal fast and enjoy the comfort of them both. Remember the baby doesn't know it gets held and such so don't forget to spend a lot of time with the first born because he'll not understand. My mother-in-law was the mother of six and provided that sage advice. My problem was that my daughter had some medical issues upon birth until three (all minor now-- thank God, but at the time, it was scary) and she took a lot of time and efforts from both of us. My oldest son (2 1/2 at the time of her birth) was a joy and we showered him with time and attention however when daughter came into our lives, we needed to tend to her demands so much, he suffered for it. And to this day, they are 24 and 21 and she always idolized him but he treated her like a pain. In some ways, he still resents her and her need for my attention but she thinks I coddle and cater to him as well!
Go figure!
My prayers are with you and your family. Ah, the joy of God's love is definitely in children.
CaringSister54
DGabriel10
02-11-2009, 04:11 AM
I adore the name Ryan. In a different spelling (Rhyne) it is a family name for me.
Your Mom has to do what she thinks she must. Yes it is hard but it will also do her good. Glad the other sister is at least showing up. That is the first step to doing a little more. It is truly difficult to step into the middle of a situation as you describe with your grandmother and know what to do. Maybe in time at least Uncle can go to the store with her there.
I will keep you, your Mom, your grandmother, and both of your little ones in my prayers.
Love, deb
Your Mom has to do what she thinks she must. Yes it is hard but it will also do her good. Glad the other sister is at least showing up. That is the first step to doing a little more. It is truly difficult to step into the middle of a situation as you describe with your grandmother and know what to do. Maybe in time at least Uncle can go to the store with her there.
I will keep you, your Mom, your grandmother, and both of your little ones in my prayers.
Love, deb
Martha H
02-11-2009, 06:58 AM
Ryan is a strong, masculine and excellent name!
Love,
Martha
Love,
Martha
carsam
02-11-2009, 09:04 AM
Hi Pauline, Caring, Deb and Martha...
Glad you all like the name "Ryan". Big Brother's name is "Nicholas"........
Caring - what a great idea about keeping the gifts in the closet for big brother......I'm totally in agreement about making sure he doesnt feel neglected when this new baby comes along. He is the light of my life, and actually I'm a little nervous about such a different dynamic in our family, it's just been the 3 of us for these 5 years. I cannot even at this point imagine loving another child as much as I do Nicholas, but I know that will all come naturally. We are involving him in everything to do with baby, and as I am taking a year off for my maternity leave, I will be so happy to have that time to cherish with my firstborn as well. He has gotten me through so much of all this family drama, I dont know what I would have done without him.
Mom probably just now has landed and is heading to Grandma's house. No, Uncle doesnt have any regular assistance. I really dont know how to describe, but I guess the system over there is just different than here in North America. They have a doctor that comes once in a while, but no regular help.
Mom yes, will get some peace of mind from this visit, but nonetheless, it will just be a different "sort" of stress for her. Even from 3000 miles away, she lives and breathes grandmas situation. She calls 2 or 3 times a day....wont leave the house until she has talked to uncle, and rushes home for that phone call in the afternoon. It's like it is an obsession if I can say that. She has her way of dealing with it, but more than likely because her other sisters have completely abandoned grandma, and I mean "completely"....not seen or spoken to her in over a year......then she feels like she is trying to fill that void. I've told her its impossible, but as you all tell me, she, just like Uncle have set their path on how to deal with this situation in their own way, and they will finish it till the end. I do worry for her health, these few years have been hard on her, and have taken a toll. I always cling to Martha's words that you can have your life "back" when this journey is all over.....I just dont know what affect it will have taken on her health. She has survived breast cancer twice, and this stress is not good for her recovery. Ah, we could go on and on.
I am going to call today to see that she made it there safely, and hope and pray she can get some sleep today. Sleep is something while she's there I know is certainly not a given....it's a luxury in that situation.
Thanks ladies as always for listening.
Love, Caroline xo
Glad you all like the name "Ryan". Big Brother's name is "Nicholas"........
Caring - what a great idea about keeping the gifts in the closet for big brother......I'm totally in agreement about making sure he doesnt feel neglected when this new baby comes along. He is the light of my life, and actually I'm a little nervous about such a different dynamic in our family, it's just been the 3 of us for these 5 years. I cannot even at this point imagine loving another child as much as I do Nicholas, but I know that will all come naturally. We are involving him in everything to do with baby, and as I am taking a year off for my maternity leave, I will be so happy to have that time to cherish with my firstborn as well. He has gotten me through so much of all this family drama, I dont know what I would have done without him.
Mom probably just now has landed and is heading to Grandma's house. No, Uncle doesnt have any regular assistance. I really dont know how to describe, but I guess the system over there is just different than here in North America. They have a doctor that comes once in a while, but no regular help.
Mom yes, will get some peace of mind from this visit, but nonetheless, it will just be a different "sort" of stress for her. Even from 3000 miles away, she lives and breathes grandmas situation. She calls 2 or 3 times a day....wont leave the house until she has talked to uncle, and rushes home for that phone call in the afternoon. It's like it is an obsession if I can say that. She has her way of dealing with it, but more than likely because her other sisters have completely abandoned grandma, and I mean "completely"....not seen or spoken to her in over a year......then she feels like she is trying to fill that void. I've told her its impossible, but as you all tell me, she, just like Uncle have set their path on how to deal with this situation in their own way, and they will finish it till the end. I do worry for her health, these few years have been hard on her, and have taken a toll. I always cling to Martha's words that you can have your life "back" when this journey is all over.....I just dont know what affect it will have taken on her health. She has survived breast cancer twice, and this stress is not good for her recovery. Ah, we could go on and on.
I am going to call today to see that she made it there safely, and hope and pray she can get some sleep today. Sleep is something while she's there I know is certainly not a given....it's a luxury in that situation.
Thanks ladies as always for listening.
Love, Caroline xo
caringsister54
02-11-2009, 11:20 AM
just wanted to let you know that while my son acts like he can't tolerate the high-maintenance sister he has, he doesn't seem to notice how high-maintenance he is.
they both call me (as they should) at the drop of the hat when they need advice or directions. I raised them to be totally independent of me. I explained to them from an early age that I gave them life, I just didn't give them mine.
Mikey and I took yearly family vacations but as they got older starting at ages 16 and 13, we felt we were able to go away on short mini weekends. We all lived under one roof with my parents and sister so it wasn't like they were totally left alone. I would tell them "the walls have ears".
In regards to my daughter's needs when she was born. Just like my son, she had extremely large adenoids and tonsils. It blocked her ability to breath and eat and she was only 13 lbs at 14 months of age and 20 lbs at 2 1/2, when it was decided that she needed to have them removed. With my son, it didn't interfer with his eating but he suffered sleep apnea and basically was a good sleeper -- we had a job to keep him awake, since he slept so much and would even beat us upstairs to go to bed at night. in daughter's case, the problem resulted in a child that NEVER slept except for mini catnaps all throughout the day and night and didn't sleep through the night until she was 8 years old!.
Doctor said it was her natural survivor instinct because she would've been one of the statistics had she gone to sleep and not breathed enough oxygen to live. We were truly blessed.
However son resented all this 3-year medical activity and constant crying that she did. He also resented when she was diagnosed with learning impairments as a result of medication given to me during pregnancy (she's got a form of dyslexia from eyesight problems)
He thought she used that as an excuse to have poorer grades that we accepted from him. I told him that parents can never treat kids equal, they must treat kids as their abilities allow, separately. While I wouldn't accept D's and C's from him because we knew he could do better, if she just got a "c", we had a party. We gave them rewards for report cards each quarter and her were based on different grade scale than him. But you want to know what????? (go ahead and ask . . .)
While he seemed annoyed through all this. What does he want to be??
A high school history teacher with certification as a special ed teacher!
Funny huh? While he seemed upset by the attention she needed, here he wants to provide that to others who suffered like she did in school.
So, indirectly, I know if I died tomorrow, he'd have her back and she'd have his and they would be able to go to each other. They just don't want me to know that they would.
they both call me (as they should) at the drop of the hat when they need advice or directions. I raised them to be totally independent of me. I explained to them from an early age that I gave them life, I just didn't give them mine.
Mikey and I took yearly family vacations but as they got older starting at ages 16 and 13, we felt we were able to go away on short mini weekends. We all lived under one roof with my parents and sister so it wasn't like they were totally left alone. I would tell them "the walls have ears".
In regards to my daughter's needs when she was born. Just like my son, she had extremely large adenoids and tonsils. It blocked her ability to breath and eat and she was only 13 lbs at 14 months of age and 20 lbs at 2 1/2, when it was decided that she needed to have them removed. With my son, it didn't interfer with his eating but he suffered sleep apnea and basically was a good sleeper -- we had a job to keep him awake, since he slept so much and would even beat us upstairs to go to bed at night. in daughter's case, the problem resulted in a child that NEVER slept except for mini catnaps all throughout the day and night and didn't sleep through the night until she was 8 years old!.
Doctor said it was her natural survivor instinct because she would've been one of the statistics had she gone to sleep and not breathed enough oxygen to live. We were truly blessed.
However son resented all this 3-year medical activity and constant crying that she did. He also resented when she was diagnosed with learning impairments as a result of medication given to me during pregnancy (she's got a form of dyslexia from eyesight problems)
He thought she used that as an excuse to have poorer grades that we accepted from him. I told him that parents can never treat kids equal, they must treat kids as their abilities allow, separately. While I wouldn't accept D's and C's from him because we knew he could do better, if she just got a "c", we had a party. We gave them rewards for report cards each quarter and her were based on different grade scale than him. But you want to know what????? (go ahead and ask . . .)
While he seemed annoyed through all this. What does he want to be??
A high school history teacher with certification as a special ed teacher!
Funny huh? While he seemed upset by the attention she needed, here he wants to provide that to others who suffered like she did in school.
So, indirectly, I know if I died tomorrow, he'd have her back and she'd have his and they would be able to go to each other. They just don't want me to know that they would.
ibake&pray
02-11-2009, 12:12 PM
Caroline,
Ryan is a lovely strong name for a little one...remember that as God taketh, he also giveth. So maybe this baby is god's way of making sure that even if your grandamother passes, there will be a little one to carry on. are you perhaps givng the baby her maiden name as a middle name?
One thing that we did for our oldest son. When we came home from the hospital with greer, we brought a present from Greer to Collin, our oldest. It was a little thing so that Collin thought that Greer was excited to have him as a big brother. It's just another little thing to help ease the transition of having another child in the house.
And Caroline, don't worry about having enough love for this one. I didn't ever think that I could love another child as much as I loved my first one. But I was wrong. All I had to do was to set eyes on my little-well, he was 9'5" so he wasn't too little, second one and I had more than enough love to take care of him. You have love as you have need. So don't stress over that dear. It will be there when you need it!
Now rest up and keep your feet up. You will soon need all the engergy you can must. Two take up SO much more time than one!
We are all praying for your mother and grandmother and uncle...
And of course for you and the little one and Nicholas.....
Ryan is a lovely strong name for a little one...remember that as God taketh, he also giveth. So maybe this baby is god's way of making sure that even if your grandamother passes, there will be a little one to carry on. are you perhaps givng the baby her maiden name as a middle name?
One thing that we did for our oldest son. When we came home from the hospital with greer, we brought a present from Greer to Collin, our oldest. It was a little thing so that Collin thought that Greer was excited to have him as a big brother. It's just another little thing to help ease the transition of having another child in the house.
And Caroline, don't worry about having enough love for this one. I didn't ever think that I could love another child as much as I loved my first one. But I was wrong. All I had to do was to set eyes on my little-well, he was 9'5" so he wasn't too little, second one and I had more than enough love to take care of him. You have love as you have need. So don't stress over that dear. It will be there when you need it!
Now rest up and keep your feet up. You will soon need all the engergy you can must. Two take up SO much more time than one!
We are all praying for your mother and grandmother and uncle...
And of course for you and the little one and Nicholas.....