caringsister54
02-15-2009, 04:36 AM
To all my board-buddiesL
iBake, Martha, Deb, Lil Deb, Pam, Polina, Chris,Dorri, and many more I've come to know but too many to keep writing out here. My thanks for the towels, love, and support you shared with me over these few weeks.
Just wanted to share that my mother passed away at 1:10 A.M. today and has been allowed eternal peace with my Lord and others who passed before her. -- while this seems to have come as a surprise to my sister, it was something, as you all know, that we were expecting.
At least this dreaded disease has one less person to pull through the circus rings.
Keep everyone in each others thoughts and prayers. This horror that brought us all together is one of the presents God gave me when I use to ask him "why". I guess one of the reasons was "to meet and talk with others who are on the same road".
Its been a 15+ year long battle but at least her 'bad' wasn't until the last year or two but that felt like it was forever and tended to rob us of any memories we had of better times.
As the days progress, I know the better times memories wll start to come up and it will help us hopefully forget the horror of the last year. Kinda like when you had a baby and they place it in your arms after you suffered through 30+ hours of hard labor. You seem to forget all the pain the moment they place that baby in your arms and you stare into their faces.
One other blessing in all this -- we don't have to deal with the U.S. crap with medicaid, hospice, etc. Thank God and Amen. They've been a real bear to deal with and they know they do it when people are under the most stress
God Bless my Sister and all the caregivers for what you do, including those in facilities.
Love
Your CaringSister54
iBake, Martha, Deb, Lil Deb, Pam, Polina, Chris,Dorri, and many more I've come to know but too many to keep writing out here. My thanks for the towels, love, and support you shared with me over these few weeks.
Just wanted to share that my mother passed away at 1:10 A.M. today and has been allowed eternal peace with my Lord and others who passed before her. -- while this seems to have come as a surprise to my sister, it was something, as you all know, that we were expecting.
At least this dreaded disease has one less person to pull through the circus rings.
Keep everyone in each others thoughts and prayers. This horror that brought us all together is one of the presents God gave me when I use to ask him "why". I guess one of the reasons was "to meet and talk with others who are on the same road".
Its been a 15+ year long battle but at least her 'bad' wasn't until the last year or two but that felt like it was forever and tended to rob us of any memories we had of better times.
As the days progress, I know the better times memories wll start to come up and it will help us hopefully forget the horror of the last year. Kinda like when you had a baby and they place it in your arms after you suffered through 30+ hours of hard labor. You seem to forget all the pain the moment they place that baby in your arms and you stare into their faces.
One other blessing in all this -- we don't have to deal with the U.S. crap with medicaid, hospice, etc. Thank God and Amen. They've been a real bear to deal with and they know they do it when people are under the most stress
God Bless my Sister and all the caregivers for what you do, including those in facilities.
Love
Your CaringSister54
Sponsor
Martha H
02-15-2009, 07:09 AM
Dear Diane,
I am so sorry to hear of your loss When my mother passed away I felt a strange mixture of feelings, and you may also. Relief that her suffering was over, sadness that I would no longer hear her voice, and deep grief. As a daughter of a dementia victim you have already started grieving long before she died.
I wish you peace as you go through the arrangements for your Mom's funeral. When you see her lying in that coffin, remember that she is not there. That is only the last outfit she wore. Her real self is alive and well and free from every trace of irrationality. I already told you how my Mom left me a red feather here in Indiana while I was in NY at her funeral. There is no time or space limitation where she is now.
I pray that God will give you the strength for the next few days. He will. You have been and always will be a caring sister.
Love and prayers,
Martha
I am so sorry to hear of your loss When my mother passed away I felt a strange mixture of feelings, and you may also. Relief that her suffering was over, sadness that I would no longer hear her voice, and deep grief. As a daughter of a dementia victim you have already started grieving long before she died.
I wish you peace as you go through the arrangements for your Mom's funeral. When you see her lying in that coffin, remember that she is not there. That is only the last outfit she wore. Her real self is alive and well and free from every trace of irrationality. I already told you how my Mom left me a red feather here in Indiana while I was in NY at her funeral. There is no time or space limitation where she is now.
I pray that God will give you the strength for the next few days. He will. You have been and always will be a caring sister.
Love and prayers,
Martha
fourt9rkim
02-15-2009, 08:51 AM
I'm so sorry for your loss, Diane....but she is now free and whole again. I wish you peace in the coming days, and know that she is in a much better place. I hope your sister is able to get through this....reading about how your sister was dealing with all of this reminds me of how my oldest brother handles things....with blinders on. When I called him to tell him of mom's passing last month, he bawled and couldn't believe it.
Like Martha said, the grief period is so long for those who are affected by dementia. I felt like I had been grieving for 3 years....each day a little more of mom left us, and each day a little more grief.
Know that your mom is now free, and is smiling down on both of you. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Like Martha said, the grief period is so long for those who are affected by dementia. I felt like I had been grieving for 3 years....each day a little more of mom left us, and each day a little more grief.
Know that your mom is now free, and is smiling down on both of you. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Happy1240
02-15-2009, 08:55 AM
I truely believe they are going in a much better place. They are happy and free. We will all be together in the end. Much harder for us to see them go. Take care and thank you for all your wisdom that you have give me. I will put you in my prayers.
Cheryl :angel:
Cheryl :angel:
carsam
02-15-2009, 09:29 AM
Dear Diane...
Sending you prayers and sympathies this morning, so sorry to hear this news. I hope you and your sister can find some peace now knowing your mother is no longer suffering and is at peace. But for now, I know it is a terrible loss, and I want to offer my support and prayers......
God bless you all at this time......
Love, Caroline xo
Sending you prayers and sympathies this morning, so sorry to hear this news. I hope you and your sister can find some peace now knowing your mother is no longer suffering and is at peace. But for now, I know it is a terrible loss, and I want to offer my support and prayers......
God bless you all at this time......
Love, Caroline xo
polina
02-15-2009, 10:35 AM
Diane
When I read your post a part of me felt that I to lost a family member. We as people become so intertwined on this board. We may never see one another face to face but what we share on a daily basis through our words is something that binds us together like a family. I felt a loss in my heart after reading your post. I felt a member of the family is gone. Your mom has suffered so much through the years. Traveled on this journey for so long and endured so much that this final leg of the journey is now going to bring only peace to her.
Love Pauline
When I read your post a part of me felt that I to lost a family member. We as people become so intertwined on this board. We may never see one another face to face but what we share on a daily basis through our words is something that binds us together like a family. I felt a loss in my heart after reading your post. I felt a member of the family is gone. Your mom has suffered so much through the years. Traveled on this journey for so long and endured so much that this final leg of the journey is now going to bring only peace to her.
Love Pauline
ibake&pray
02-15-2009, 10:46 AM
Oh Dear Diane,
My first thought was not again...but that is just plain selfish. you momma is at peace and her stuggle has ended. She doesn't have to struggle for words and scream in anger. She is free to be the person she was before this dreaded disease struck her down and pulled the very life from her body and brain.
You have an empty feeling. It's a relief to have her gone because she isn't suffering any more, but you wonder what else could have been done. Don't wonder. You did everything that you could do for her. There way nothing left that you could have done to make life bearable for her..the disease had robbed her of that.
Know that we are suffering with you, and are also rejoicing with you. Your mother is free at last. Dianer, I am so sorry for your loss. Know that we are all wrapping you in our towels and holding you tight. As tight as you need...you are in my prayers...Jill
My first thought was not again...but that is just plain selfish. you momma is at peace and her stuggle has ended. She doesn't have to struggle for words and scream in anger. She is free to be the person she was before this dreaded disease struck her down and pulled the very life from her body and brain.
You have an empty feeling. It's a relief to have her gone because she isn't suffering any more, but you wonder what else could have been done. Don't wonder. You did everything that you could do for her. There way nothing left that you could have done to make life bearable for her..the disease had robbed her of that.
Know that we are suffering with you, and are also rejoicing with you. Your mother is free at last. Dianer, I am so sorry for your loss. Know that we are all wrapping you in our towels and holding you tight. As tight as you need...you are in my prayers...Jill
petal*pusher
02-15-2009, 12:20 PM
Oh Diane...I'm just so sorry...
So many have written beautiful words of comfort...and my sincere sympathies join them. Such a tough journey this has been...not only in seeing this disease ravage your Mother...but the challenges of understanding how your sister has dealt with it. She needs you now...and you need her.
Please know I'm sending good vibes your way, my friend...and I love what was already written...you ARE a caring sister.............Pam;)
We all hope you still post often..........
So many have written beautiful words of comfort...and my sincere sympathies join them. Such a tough journey this has been...not only in seeing this disease ravage your Mother...but the challenges of understanding how your sister has dealt with it. She needs you now...and you need her.
Please know I'm sending good vibes your way, my friend...and I love what was already written...you ARE a caring sister.............Pam;)
We all hope you still post often..........
Drews Gram
02-15-2009, 01:38 PM
Diane,
I'm so sorry and you have my deepest sympathy. Your Moms suffering is over. You did what you could. I hope for you and sister some much deserved rest and peace of mind.
I'm thinking of you and sending you hugs.
Love, Chris
I'm so sorry and you have my deepest sympathy. Your Moms suffering is over. You did what you could. I hope for you and sister some much deserved rest and peace of mind.
I'm thinking of you and sending you hugs.
Love, Chris
meg1230
02-15-2009, 05:28 PM
Let me add that that my thoughts and prayers and tears are with you.
Her long journey has entered a new and happier place filled with those from her past..
Love, Meg
Her long journey has entered a new and happier place filled with those from her past..
Love, Meg
caringsister54
02-15-2009, 05:46 PM
Thank you one and all. We are a family - anyone that cares for another feelings is a family member and that is us. This is why we can yell at one another when someone needs a good talk-to. We tell it like it is and that is refreshing. We say what needs to be said not what we may want to hear and again, that's family.
I love all of you as if you were in the same room as us. My Sister and I went over and confirmed the final arrangements, giving them a picture of what Mom use to look like. Thank God we don't have to deal with that bull of the medicaid group.
Oh well, just have to get through the Tuesday viewing and the Wednesday burial and then deal with things one day at a time.
Love you all
your CaringSister54
I love all of you as if you were in the same room as us. My Sister and I went over and confirmed the final arrangements, giving them a picture of what Mom use to look like. Thank God we don't have to deal with that bull of the medicaid group.
Oh well, just have to get through the Tuesday viewing and the Wednesday burial and then deal with things one day at a time.
Love you all
your CaringSister54
meg1230
02-15-2009, 05:47 PM
Just get through today and we'll handle tomorrow, tomorrow.
Love,Meg
Love,Meg
dorri
02-15-2009, 07:14 PM
I'm sorry I missed your post and didn't respond sooner. I'm sorry for your loss. Even though the last while has been hard on your sister and yourself, it still hurts a lot to lose someone who was so special through out your life, your mother.
May peace follow your mom, and may you both find peace knowing she is at peace now without confusion or pain.
Hugs
dorri
May peace follow your mom, and may you both find peace knowing she is at peace now without confusion or pain.
Hugs
dorri
carsam
02-15-2009, 07:34 PM
Hi Diane,
I just was reading Dorri's post...and saw your response to her, and want to send you my prayers again for your loss, but also that you will now be able to focus on your health, and feel well again.
We all want you to be healthy dear friend, please take the time now to focus on yourself, and be well.
Love, Caroline xo
I just was reading Dorri's post...and saw your response to her, and want to send you my prayers again for your loss, but also that you will now be able to focus on your health, and feel well again.
We all want you to be healthy dear friend, please take the time now to focus on yourself, and be well.
Love, Caroline xo
Tracie1204
02-15-2009, 10:46 PM
hey Caring,
I post over here now and then regarding my Grandmother---but have been following your story of your Mom----and I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I understand it comes with so many mixed feelings. It is such a terrible disease----but as you said she is with the Lord now---and is completely healed and back with your Daddy too.
Hang on to your happy memories of better days, and you will remain in my thoughts and prayers.
Love,
Tracie
I post over here now and then regarding my Grandmother---but have been following your story of your Mom----and I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I understand it comes with so many mixed feelings. It is such a terrible disease----but as you said she is with the Lord now---and is completely healed and back with your Daddy too.
Hang on to your happy memories of better days, and you will remain in my thoughts and prayers.
Love,
Tracie
DGabriel10
02-16-2009, 03:05 AM
Diane.... I wrap you up in a great big hug and wish for you the courage and strength you will need for the next few days. My heart aches for you and your sister. Yes, your Mom is finally at peace. I am sure that gives you a sense of peace and relief. Her long journey with this illness is over. But you are both going to miss her presence. For that I am deeply sorry.
I to feel as if a part of our family is missing. There is more to family bonds than blood. Know you are in my thoughts and prayers. Celebrate to good that was her life. Take strength and courage with you. And know we are all there with you.
Love, deb
I to feel as if a part of our family is missing. There is more to family bonds than blood. Know you are in my thoughts and prayers. Celebrate to good that was her life. Take strength and courage with you. And know we are all there with you.
Love, deb
mentalmum08
02-18-2009, 12:30 PM
Hello Diane,
Haven't posted fo a while, but have been reading you posting and all the replies. First of all I feel deeply saddened for you and your kin. Please accept my condolences? Words fail me at times like this, but thoughts dont. It's true, this site connects all of us. Please look after you health.
Lot's of love and concern for you. I've sent you a bale of towels. Use them.
xxx
Haven't posted fo a while, but have been reading you posting and all the replies. First of all I feel deeply saddened for you and your kin. Please accept my condolences? Words fail me at times like this, but thoughts dont. It's true, this site connects all of us. Please look after you health.
Lot's of love and concern for you. I've sent you a bale of towels. Use them.
xxx
meg1230
02-18-2009, 02:49 PM
Just wanted to say you are on my mind today..I hope you can draw strength from all of us here thinking about you.
Love, Meg
Love, Meg
carsam
02-18-2009, 03:05 PM
Me too Diane, I am also thinking of you. It has been so wonderful to see an almost sense of relief for you these past few days...knowing that your mom is at peace...but I know these few days will be so very hard....
We are all here for you....
Love, Caroline xo
We are all here for you....
Love, Caroline xo
Drews Gram
02-18-2009, 03:54 PM
Add me to the list Diane. With all of the good thoughts coming from your friends here I hope your day is calm and peaceful. Your Mom is at rest and I'm so glad that its over for you and Sister.
Love and hugs, ;)
Chris
Love and hugs, ;)
Chris
ibake&pray
02-18-2009, 05:47 PM
Dearest Diane...
I have been whispering little prayers for you and yours all day today. Hoping to hlep you through the day. Hoping thlep you withstand the mind numbingness of the funeral the finanlity of it all. Even though we are grateful that your mother is free of this beast that abused her for so long, it is a hard thing to go through. It is hard to face the grief of others who don't know what to say or how to express it. When we should be just shouting for joy that she has been set free at last.
my heart is full for you today. may you find comfort and peace at least.
Hugs, my dear...Jill
I have been whispering little prayers for you and yours all day today. Hoping to hlep you through the day. Hoping thlep you withstand the mind numbingness of the funeral the finanlity of it all. Even though we are grateful that your mother is free of this beast that abused her for so long, it is a hard thing to go through. It is hard to face the grief of others who don't know what to say or how to express it. When we should be just shouting for joy that she has been set free at last.
my heart is full for you today. may you find comfort and peace at least.
Hugs, my dear...Jill
Martha H
02-18-2009, 08:29 PM
Dear Diane,
Now you have to get some rest and think about yourself. Your normal life is coming back, as it was before your Mom's illness and irrationality and the fights and problems between her and your sister started. Now you can have peaceful nights again and enjoy, well rested, the days ahead.
I pray too that your sister gets a life of her own again. It won't be easy in this economy, but depending on what she did before, maybe she can find something. She needs to get out of the house and find more outside contacts. If she is interested, there may be positions in nursing homes for people who have had years of caring for a loved one .. but if she's at all like me, she wouldn't go near one ... some people are meant to do this kind of work, and they are few and far between.
I wish you a good night of rest, and a bright future.
Love,
Martha
Now you have to get some rest and think about yourself. Your normal life is coming back, as it was before your Mom's illness and irrationality and the fights and problems between her and your sister started. Now you can have peaceful nights again and enjoy, well rested, the days ahead.
I pray too that your sister gets a life of her own again. It won't be easy in this economy, but depending on what she did before, maybe she can find something. She needs to get out of the house and find more outside contacts. If she is interested, there may be positions in nursing homes for people who have had years of caring for a loved one .. but if she's at all like me, she wouldn't go near one ... some people are meant to do this kind of work, and they are few and far between.
I wish you a good night of rest, and a bright future.
Love,
Martha
petal*pusher
02-18-2009, 08:48 PM
You and yours have been on my mind today also, my friend........please know I'm sending positive vibes your way.............Pam
caringsister54
02-18-2009, 11:52 PM
To all
The vewing was wonderful. Mother would've been surprisingly overwhelmed by the outpouring of affection. Unfortunately when sister and I got there, I saw her in the casket from the back of the room and couldn't go there. It didn't look like her!
My cousin and sister were up there and my sister kept fiddling around with her dress, her rosary, her scapular, etc. I kept in the back of the room even though she looked towards me.
I said, that's not mom and I really would wish you'd close that casket. My kids don't have to see their grandmother look that bad. I mean they truly did all they could but there's only so much they were able to do.
She finally looked at her, agreed that it was not my mother, and agreed to have them close the casket. Since we had so many photos all around the place and put two nice ones up in the front, it was okay. I mean some were confused as to why it was done but I told those that asked why and I also acted like we didn't owe anyone any apologies. I did apologize to sister for asking for it but she said it was okay that it was the right thing to do because she admitted it didn't look like my mother in her normal days. It may have been what she looked like to sister in the days leading up to her passing but it wasn't how I wanted everyone to remember her.
The burial today when beautiful. What made it so was the fact that Mom and Sister were active church goers and our priest who did the mass, knew her and talked personally about her. So others in the room found that refreshing.
She's not in pain anymore. I know she was whole and happy. BUT I'll share a story with you. I mentioned before that there were problems in my relationship with Mom and me; how I always thought of myself as the bad sheed and sister was the good seed. Well, tonite, Mom is still making me struggle (lmao) I ran out of oil and lost heat and hot water! -- I remembered I had oil delivered and lo and behold! -- they must have put my oil delivery in Sister's Tank!!!!! -- so she's all toasty and warm and there I was!
So, I looked up at the ceiling and said "okay Mom, you're still going to make me suffer aren't you?" Its funny when I think of it but things like this has happened all my life.
Love to all, It was a beautiful day and I know she's happy in God's loving embrace.
CaringSister54
The vewing was wonderful. Mother would've been surprisingly overwhelmed by the outpouring of affection. Unfortunately when sister and I got there, I saw her in the casket from the back of the room and couldn't go there. It didn't look like her!
My cousin and sister were up there and my sister kept fiddling around with her dress, her rosary, her scapular, etc. I kept in the back of the room even though she looked towards me.
I said, that's not mom and I really would wish you'd close that casket. My kids don't have to see their grandmother look that bad. I mean they truly did all they could but there's only so much they were able to do.
She finally looked at her, agreed that it was not my mother, and agreed to have them close the casket. Since we had so many photos all around the place and put two nice ones up in the front, it was okay. I mean some were confused as to why it was done but I told those that asked why and I also acted like we didn't owe anyone any apologies. I did apologize to sister for asking for it but she said it was okay that it was the right thing to do because she admitted it didn't look like my mother in her normal days. It may have been what she looked like to sister in the days leading up to her passing but it wasn't how I wanted everyone to remember her.
The burial today when beautiful. What made it so was the fact that Mom and Sister were active church goers and our priest who did the mass, knew her and talked personally about her. So others in the room found that refreshing.
She's not in pain anymore. I know she was whole and happy. BUT I'll share a story with you. I mentioned before that there were problems in my relationship with Mom and me; how I always thought of myself as the bad sheed and sister was the good seed. Well, tonite, Mom is still making me struggle (lmao) I ran out of oil and lost heat and hot water! -- I remembered I had oil delivered and lo and behold! -- they must have put my oil delivery in Sister's Tank!!!!! -- so she's all toasty and warm and there I was!
So, I looked up at the ceiling and said "okay Mom, you're still going to make me suffer aren't you?" Its funny when I think of it but things like this has happened all my life.
Love to all, It was a beautiful day and I know she's happy in God's loving embrace.
CaringSister54
meg1230
02-19-2009, 12:23 AM
Thank you for the update. It sounds like it went as well as somethng like that can go.
I understand staying in the back of the room..I never did go in to see my dad..to this day I don't have that vision in my brain of him in a coffin..but one of him holding my newborn son while sitting in his favorite chair.
I hope you can stay as warm as possible tonight...wrap up in all of our towels and wake up tomorrow and start your life anew. One foot in front of the other.
Love, Meg
I understand staying in the back of the room..I never did go in to see my dad..to this day I don't have that vision in my brain of him in a coffin..but one of him holding my newborn son while sitting in his favorite chair.
I hope you can stay as warm as possible tonight...wrap up in all of our towels and wake up tomorrow and start your life anew. One foot in front of the other.
Love, Meg
DGabriel10
02-19-2009, 12:34 AM
Thank you so much for the update Diane. I am glad it all went so well and I do hope you and your sister found closure in your own ways.
I am in total agreement with you on the closed casket. I remember my Dad's angst when he walked in and his mother's was open. He had them close it as well. He also instructed us that he wanted his closed for which I am happy becaues, like Meg, I want to remember my Dad sitting in his chair smiling.
Yes, I chuckled with you about the oil. That's just the way it happens to some of us. I can relate. Do stay warm and tomorrow you can get the oil problem corrected and smile up at Mom in your cozzy warm den.
BTW...... I don't see that bad seed at all. I see a beautiful flower that is you. Never judge what will become of a simple seed because the possibilities are endless. Yes, you are one glorious flower :)
Love, deb
I am in total agreement with you on the closed casket. I remember my Dad's angst when he walked in and his mother's was open. He had them close it as well. He also instructed us that he wanted his closed for which I am happy becaues, like Meg, I want to remember my Dad sitting in his chair smiling.
Yes, I chuckled with you about the oil. That's just the way it happens to some of us. I can relate. Do stay warm and tomorrow you can get the oil problem corrected and smile up at Mom in your cozzy warm den.
BTW...... I don't see that bad seed at all. I see a beautiful flower that is you. Never judge what will become of a simple seed because the possibilities are endless. Yes, you are one glorious flower :)
Love, deb
caringsister54
02-19-2009, 01:28 AM
oh Deb, what a wonderful thought from the bad seed comment. A glorious flower? I never thought of it like that. It just seemed like I was always made to struggle and fend for myself against the terribles of the world while Sister just had to be.
There was definitely a difference in the relationship with my mother. But as an adult, I was able to fill in the missing pieces to why that was. God has allowed me to see some daylight in some dark memories. My mother use to say to me "I don't have to apologize, because I am the mother". I made sure that if I was wrong, I admitted it to my kids and asked their forgiveness for my error. I never thought I was above all and not able to make mistakes and learn form them
I live not 6 inches away from sister and mom. My side of the house is a mirror image to the one I lived in when I was single at home. its going to be interesting to see the changes in a relationship with Sister. The only way she'll be able to stay in the house is if she can find a job to supplement whatever money there was left, as I said, I'm not taking any of it because I know she'll need it. The other way is if I was to move out and we charge the appropriate rent for what is here. But, BF isn't asking me to move in with him and it would probably cost me higher to move anywhere.
Over the next few months and year, it should be interesting. In this economy, my sister finding a job is going to need divine intervention from God. She's just a general clerical/secretarial person and a lot of those jobs is not available much anymore as people have more computer-skills and does their own word processing and spreadsheet preparation, etc.
So I'm still holding onto the towels, I have a feeling we're still not ready to let go.
But
from the glorious flower
Your CaringSister54
There was definitely a difference in the relationship with my mother. But as an adult, I was able to fill in the missing pieces to why that was. God has allowed me to see some daylight in some dark memories. My mother use to say to me "I don't have to apologize, because I am the mother". I made sure that if I was wrong, I admitted it to my kids and asked their forgiveness for my error. I never thought I was above all and not able to make mistakes and learn form them
I live not 6 inches away from sister and mom. My side of the house is a mirror image to the one I lived in when I was single at home. its going to be interesting to see the changes in a relationship with Sister. The only way she'll be able to stay in the house is if she can find a job to supplement whatever money there was left, as I said, I'm not taking any of it because I know she'll need it. The other way is if I was to move out and we charge the appropriate rent for what is here. But, BF isn't asking me to move in with him and it would probably cost me higher to move anywhere.
Over the next few months and year, it should be interesting. In this economy, my sister finding a job is going to need divine intervention from God. She's just a general clerical/secretarial person and a lot of those jobs is not available much anymore as people have more computer-skills and does their own word processing and spreadsheet preparation, etc.
So I'm still holding onto the towels, I have a feeling we're still not ready to let go.
But
from the glorious flower
Your CaringSister54
DGabriel10
02-19-2009, 03:07 AM
I do think that you have turned into the glorious flower. Sometimes the hard knocks we endure only makes us stronger. You have developed the ability and desire to overcome whatever life throws your way.
The next year should be interesting and I expect to hear all about it. You are generous and kind to your sister in letting her have what is left except your side of the duplex. For the time being you need that yourself.
You might want to encourage your sister to go back to school to learn a new skill that is more needed. Perhaps even a computer course to compliment what she already has or something entirely different. She would probably qualify for student grants. It is worth looking into.
No need to worry because we will not let go of our end of your towel. We will continue to hold on tightly :)
Love, deb
PS..... Every mighty oak was once a nut that held their ground :) See what can happen?
The next year should be interesting and I expect to hear all about it. You are generous and kind to your sister in letting her have what is left except your side of the duplex. For the time being you need that yourself.
You might want to encourage your sister to go back to school to learn a new skill that is more needed. Perhaps even a computer course to compliment what she already has or something entirely different. She would probably qualify for student grants. It is worth looking into.
No need to worry because we will not let go of our end of your towel. We will continue to hold on tightly :)
Love, deb
PS..... Every mighty oak was once a nut that held their ground :) See what can happen?
Martha H
02-19-2009, 09:23 AM
My first view of Mom in her casket at the funeral home was shocking. I thought we were in the wrong room. I said 'that's not her'. Relatives from Staten Island came in and I did not know who they were, I was in such a state. But we did leave the coffin open for the service at the funeral home, and once more on the next morning, before the long car trip to the cemetery, I saw her before they closed it.
Mom looked way thinner than she had even in her last few months as she continually lost weight. They had pulled her hair straight back in a way she never wore it, she liked it curled around her face, covering her ears which she always thought were too large. Mom was a beautiful woman with sparkling blue eyes. With her eyes closed, that severe hairdo and the exreme emaciation, she looked awful. Her sister, my 95 yr old Aunt, also said the same thing - 'why didn't you have it closed!' My brother was in charge of the last arrangements and did not think of it, nor did he think it was necessary.
It is over a year ago but I still have an occasional flashback of that 'strange, grim, unsmling person' in the coffin. Then I tell myself 'that is not her!' I look at a recent picture from a visit to the NH, Mom wearing a huge pink hat and smiling into the camera. Blue eyes sparkling, even if she didn't quite know who I was. THAT was Mom.
I hope that eventually the old memories prevail. Mom was also a dancer, a fabulour pair with my Dad until his death in 1977. The two of them did the Peabody and the Jitterbug, the Charleston -- you know, where your knees seem to cross over (I can to it too) -- she was FUN. Mom was a fun person.
Diane, try to forget the image of her in death, and please, absolutley forget that you were 'the bad daughter" (I was too) and remember that you are and always will be a caring sister, a caring daughter, and a caring friend.
Love,
Martha
Mom looked way thinner than she had even in her last few months as she continually lost weight. They had pulled her hair straight back in a way she never wore it, she liked it curled around her face, covering her ears which she always thought were too large. Mom was a beautiful woman with sparkling blue eyes. With her eyes closed, that severe hairdo and the exreme emaciation, she looked awful. Her sister, my 95 yr old Aunt, also said the same thing - 'why didn't you have it closed!' My brother was in charge of the last arrangements and did not think of it, nor did he think it was necessary.
It is over a year ago but I still have an occasional flashback of that 'strange, grim, unsmling person' in the coffin. Then I tell myself 'that is not her!' I look at a recent picture from a visit to the NH, Mom wearing a huge pink hat and smiling into the camera. Blue eyes sparkling, even if she didn't quite know who I was. THAT was Mom.
I hope that eventually the old memories prevail. Mom was also a dancer, a fabulour pair with my Dad until his death in 1977. The two of them did the Peabody and the Jitterbug, the Charleston -- you know, where your knees seem to cross over (I can to it too) -- she was FUN. Mom was a fun person.
Diane, try to forget the image of her in death, and please, absolutley forget that you were 'the bad daughter" (I was too) and remember that you are and always will be a caring sister, a caring daughter, and a caring friend.
Love,
Martha
CAJ0818
02-19-2009, 11:00 AM
I am sorry to hear about your loss, how you must be going through so many emotions right now. While you are going through all these emotions, I hope you wrap your body with nothing but warm, comforting thoughts of the good times you and your Mother have shared through the years. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Love,
CAJ
Love,
CAJ
polina
02-19-2009, 08:44 PM
Caring,
I wonder if it may take your sister awhile to actually get herself together emotionally and start Job searching? To be able to start a new job you have to be in the right frame of mind. She may need a little time to regroup. I am sure a big empty void is going to be felt for her for awhile. At some point she will be ready to start thinking about herself and moving on to a new life after caregiving.
I know what you mean about not recognizing our mom anymore. My mom's face and body is totally different then it was a year ago or even 6 months ago and perhaps even 3 months ago. If my brother ever came to see her today last time he was here to visit was September he lives in Ohio. He would be shocked at the mom he is seeing today. Every so often I look at old pics of mom to refresh my memory of the real mom I know.
I hope the services for your mom has brought you peace and closure to a hard and long journey.
Love Pauline
I wonder if it may take your sister awhile to actually get herself together emotionally and start Job searching? To be able to start a new job you have to be in the right frame of mind. She may need a little time to regroup. I am sure a big empty void is going to be felt for her for awhile. At some point she will be ready to start thinking about herself and moving on to a new life after caregiving.
I know what you mean about not recognizing our mom anymore. My mom's face and body is totally different then it was a year ago or even 6 months ago and perhaps even 3 months ago. If my brother ever came to see her today last time he was here to visit was September he lives in Ohio. He would be shocked at the mom he is seeing today. Every so often I look at old pics of mom to refresh my memory of the real mom I know.
I hope the services for your mom has brought you peace and closure to a hard and long journey.
Love Pauline
Janie5301
02-19-2009, 09:35 PM
Diane,
It's been a few days since I've been on the site and I saw your message and wanted to send you a few words. First, please know how sorry I am for the loss of your Mom. There are no words to express what needs to be said. Just know that I and many here are with you at this time and some know exactly what you're feeling now. You have many wonderful posts here and lots of people who love and care for you. Take the time that you will need to heal and start to put your life back into some form of "normalcy". And know that I will be thinking of you and praying for your serenity and peace.
Love,
Janie
It's been a few days since I've been on the site and I saw your message and wanted to send you a few words. First, please know how sorry I am for the loss of your Mom. There are no words to express what needs to be said. Just know that I and many here are with you at this time and some know exactly what you're feeling now. You have many wonderful posts here and lots of people who love and care for you. Take the time that you will need to heal and start to put your life back into some form of "normalcy". And know that I will be thinking of you and praying for your serenity and peace.
Love,
Janie
caringsister54
02-20-2009, 12:27 AM
Thank you Janie
Polina
I understand that you write and would just love to give her time. Unfortunately the money isn't there to give her that time. We only have enough to carry her and the house expenses for about 1 year at best.
With the economy the way it is, the sooner she starts the better it will be. Since she'll never be able to make what she actually needs, she needs medical benefits over anything else plus it'll make what money we do have last that much longer until she can start collecting her social security which is going to be low since she hasn't put into it for 8 years of her not working.
I wish it could be different but it is what it is and sometimes its God's plan and we don't know why at the time.
I can't coddle her and give her time to grieve, I financially don't have it to cover her shortfall that will occur and I don't want to lose the house that we live in right now.
I told her she can't be choosy on the job she takes, she needs to take whatever offers she can get. I'm sorry it sounds heartless but sometimes the truth is difficult and unfortunately someone has to be the messenger
I know God has a plan, but I don't know what it is yet. He'll tell me when he's ready, until then all I can do is pray.
CaringSister54
Polina
I understand that you write and would just love to give her time. Unfortunately the money isn't there to give her that time. We only have enough to carry her and the house expenses for about 1 year at best.
With the economy the way it is, the sooner she starts the better it will be. Since she'll never be able to make what she actually needs, she needs medical benefits over anything else plus it'll make what money we do have last that much longer until she can start collecting her social security which is going to be low since she hasn't put into it for 8 years of her not working.
I wish it could be different but it is what it is and sometimes its God's plan and we don't know why at the time.
I can't coddle her and give her time to grieve, I financially don't have it to cover her shortfall that will occur and I don't want to lose the house that we live in right now.
I told her she can't be choosy on the job she takes, she needs to take whatever offers she can get. I'm sorry it sounds heartless but sometimes the truth is difficult and unfortunately someone has to be the messenger
I know God has a plan, but I don't know what it is yet. He'll tell me when he's ready, until then all I can do is pray.
CaringSister54
petal*pusher
02-20-2009, 12:31 AM
......and we're praying with you caringsister...she has some tough adjustments to make. Thinking of the both of you........Pam;)
DGabriel10
02-20-2009, 02:35 AM
You know what you have to do Diane. You are one tough cookie and look at the reality of the situation. I do hope she find something soon and your can both start a new chapter of her life.
Love, deb
Love, deb
carsam
02-21-2009, 08:09 PM
Dearest Diane....
I am so glad this hard week is over for you, and you can start now to move forward. You have been so strong since the news of your mom's passing, I hope it has brought you the peace you so much deserve, as it has your lovely mom. I worry about my Uncle the way you worry about your sister. (hey maybe we really should introduce them). But I have to believe that in time, they will find a different way of life.......it will be hard, and may not be everything they want, but nonetheless it will be different. God bless you for caring so much about her, you truly do live up to your "username" Diane, it really suits you. Continue to pray for her and support her when you can, but it is time now dear friend to care for yourself. We are all here for you.
Love, Caroline xo
P.S. Janie, it is so nice to "see" you....I have been thinking of you often and hoping you are doing okay. Please let us know how you are when you can......
I am so glad this hard week is over for you, and you can start now to move forward. You have been so strong since the news of your mom's passing, I hope it has brought you the peace you so much deserve, as it has your lovely mom. I worry about my Uncle the way you worry about your sister. (hey maybe we really should introduce them). But I have to believe that in time, they will find a different way of life.......it will be hard, and may not be everything they want, but nonetheless it will be different. God bless you for caring so much about her, you truly do live up to your "username" Diane, it really suits you. Continue to pray for her and support her when you can, but it is time now dear friend to care for yourself. We are all here for you.
Love, Caroline xo
P.S. Janie, it is so nice to "see" you....I have been thinking of you often and hoping you are doing okay. Please let us know how you are when you can......