Drews Gram
02-18-2009, 08:03 PM
I hope Mom will adjust to this new apt. Its larger and 16 units closer to the elevators and laundry room. Its a handicapped apt. Larger bathroom so she can take her walker in with her and a larger living room for her wheelchair.
We are all going early in the morning to make the move. Moms apt is full of her stuff. So much stuff that its going to take us all day I'm sure. Sisters and their husbands, of course me and my husband. We'll be busy. I expect Mom to be a little disoriented and confused at first. I think this will help her. in the long run. She cannot make the trip down the hall and has to wait for someone to get her for meals. She calls and says they have forgotten her. Then I talk until they come for her. By then she's all messed up and anxious. Its so much closer to the dining hall and activities. We're hoping for the best with this move. Not sure how long she is going to be able to stay in AL but for however long it is, I think this is going to be a good thing. Its a long walk for me when I have to haul things into the facility where she is now. Pushing her is starting to really hurt my bad back. I'm happy. :) I pray Mom will be happy. I'm keeping a positive attitude. See I'm smiling......:D
Love to all, Chris
We are all going early in the morning to make the move. Moms apt is full of her stuff. So much stuff that its going to take us all day I'm sure. Sisters and their husbands, of course me and my husband. We'll be busy. I expect Mom to be a little disoriented and confused at first. I think this will help her. in the long run. She cannot make the trip down the hall and has to wait for someone to get her for meals. She calls and says they have forgotten her. Then I talk until they come for her. By then she's all messed up and anxious. Its so much closer to the dining hall and activities. We're hoping for the best with this move. Not sure how long she is going to be able to stay in AL but for however long it is, I think this is going to be a good thing. Its a long walk for me when I have to haul things into the facility where she is now. Pushing her is starting to really hurt my bad back. I'm happy. :) I pray Mom will be happy. I'm keeping a positive attitude. See I'm smiling......:D
Love to all, Chris
Sponsor
Martha H
02-18-2009, 08:21 PM
Dear Chris, I will add my prayers to yours. May it go extremely well and may everyone be happier after the move!
Love,
Martha
Love,
Martha
polina
02-18-2009, 11:11 PM
I hope the move goes well. Moving is never much fun. I hope Mom does well with the new environment. It may take her a little bit to get used to it.
Love Pauline
Love Pauline
caringsister54
02-18-2009, 11:16 PM
I really hope the move goes smoothly. You know what? I think that she may be out of sorts for a few days, I think God will allow her to adjust to it really well. May he hear my prayers.
Take Care
CaringSister54
Take Care
CaringSister54
meg1230
02-18-2009, 11:34 PM
will she be there for the big move..that might be overwhelming.
with all of you there helping I hope it will go fast ...will you be charging anyone for moving expenses...(just kidding...thinking of Sis#4)
Love, Meg
with all of you there helping I hope it will go fast ...will you be charging anyone for moving expenses...(just kidding...thinking of Sis#4)
Love, Meg
DGabriel10
02-18-2009, 11:40 PM
Chris, you might want to try what we did with Dad. Take her to an activity, to lunch, let her sit with her friends in the living area, or otherwise keep her busy outside of the room while you move her stuff. Put it as nearly like her other room as possible. That way you can just bring her back into her new apartment with all of her stuff there and some sense of familiarity as well. Dad stayed with my brother in law, who delivered him after everything was in place.
You might want to use this as an opportunity to eliminate some of the stuff. Things Mom can no longer use or even knows is there. :dizzy: Those things that you can't take out while she is looking. Mom pitches a fit when an out of date magazine goes into the trash but hasn't figured out why we all bring these huge tote bags with us to her room :p.
I do wish you well tomorrow. Let the strong backs and knees do the heavy lifting. I hope your Mom adjust well and this turns out to be a good move for you both. My thoughts will be with you tomorrow :)
Love, deb
You might want to use this as an opportunity to eliminate some of the stuff. Things Mom can no longer use or even knows is there. :dizzy: Those things that you can't take out while she is looking. Mom pitches a fit when an out of date magazine goes into the trash but hasn't figured out why we all bring these huge tote bags with us to her room :p.
I do wish you well tomorrow. Let the strong backs and knees do the heavy lifting. I hope your Mom adjust well and this turns out to be a good move for you both. My thoughts will be with you tomorrow :)
Love, deb
meg1230
02-18-2009, 11:59 PM
Deb,
We do the same thing..we move out stuff when she isn't aware..not too long ago we went in and emptied about a third of her closet..it was becoming too much for her to deal with...and as I take her dirty clothes out I grab a few extra that are getting a bit tattered.
Love, Meg
We do the same thing..we move out stuff when she isn't aware..not too long ago we went in and emptied about a third of her closet..it was becoming too much for her to deal with...and as I take her dirty clothes out I grab a few extra that are getting a bit tattered.
Love, Meg
Drews Gram
02-19-2009, 08:09 AM
Dear Friends,
Great minds think alike. LOL
I do the exact same thing with Moms "stuff". I bring laundry home then when I take it back, my laundry bag is full again !! She does notice and asks what on earth is in my bag! I have all of her extra clothes here stored away. She hasn't missed the extra 5 winter coats that I have either! Her walk- in closet is big....not that big. She will wear the same sweater or blouce for days. Those go home with me for a while. She loves red. So the red things are here now. I guess I should take them back. She'll have one on tomorrow. Amazing how we all have learned little tricks to help them get by in their world.
We'll take her to the dining room for lunch and they have bingo after that if she will agree to go. I know there will be some anxious time for her. We're hoping to distract her. I'm hoping with all of us there it won't take too long. Of course Mom has a large number of things for her walls. :dizzy: Oh yes, this is going to be fun........But I'm excited for her. Sister #1 said she wasn't sure when she could get there. Why not? But thats Sister #1. She can't move until noon. Oh well.........The rest of us will be there at 8.
There is a lady there that has nothing. I mean nothing. A small love seat, a twin bed and thats it. Nothing else. So my husbands truck will be full of "stuff" for her. Geez I don't want to adopt another lady but she is a sad case. So sweet, without family. I have end tables and lamps and a side table to put next to her bed. After years of marriage my storage room in the basement is full. More "stuff" I can't imagine who I get that from?
I'm looking forward to today ladies. Say a little prayer for Mom. My butt will be draging the floor tonight. LOL. Have to run and get ready.
Love to all, Chris
Great minds think alike. LOL
I do the exact same thing with Moms "stuff". I bring laundry home then when I take it back, my laundry bag is full again !! She does notice and asks what on earth is in my bag! I have all of her extra clothes here stored away. She hasn't missed the extra 5 winter coats that I have either! Her walk- in closet is big....not that big. She will wear the same sweater or blouce for days. Those go home with me for a while. She loves red. So the red things are here now. I guess I should take them back. She'll have one on tomorrow. Amazing how we all have learned little tricks to help them get by in their world.
We'll take her to the dining room for lunch and they have bingo after that if she will agree to go. I know there will be some anxious time for her. We're hoping to distract her. I'm hoping with all of us there it won't take too long. Of course Mom has a large number of things for her walls. :dizzy: Oh yes, this is going to be fun........But I'm excited for her. Sister #1 said she wasn't sure when she could get there. Why not? But thats Sister #1. She can't move until noon. Oh well.........The rest of us will be there at 8.
There is a lady there that has nothing. I mean nothing. A small love seat, a twin bed and thats it. Nothing else. So my husbands truck will be full of "stuff" for her. Geez I don't want to adopt another lady but she is a sad case. So sweet, without family. I have end tables and lamps and a side table to put next to her bed. After years of marriage my storage room in the basement is full. More "stuff" I can't imagine who I get that from?
I'm looking forward to today ladies. Say a little prayer for Mom. My butt will be draging the floor tonight. LOL. Have to run and get ready.
Love to all, Chris
DGabriel10
02-20-2009, 01:50 AM
I do hope it all went well. Looks like you drug yourself right into bed after you were done. I have thought about you today.... and they were all good thoughts :)
Love, deb
Love, deb
caringsister54
02-20-2009, 06:15 AM
Dearest Chris
My thoughts were with you and I hope the transition went okay.
While it may put Mom in a flux, hopefully your mother will be able to adjust after a few days of repetition
love
your caringsister54
My thoughts were with you and I hope the transition went okay.
While it may put Mom in a flux, hopefully your mother will be able to adjust after a few days of repetition
love
your caringsister54
Drews Gram
02-20-2009, 11:14 AM
Well the move went just perfect. If working until you drop can be perfect. LOL Only problem we had was poor little Mom. We took her to lunch and she became so upset staff came and got us. She is all messed up. She thought we moved her to a different place entirely. Forget trying to explain, it only makes her worry more. She knows she is just down the hall from where she was but she forgets as soon as you tell her. Sisters and I stayed until we put her to bed. I felt like I was leaving my little girl at the hospital......ALONE.
The staff said they would check on her during the night and they would continure to reasure her today. We took her on numerous walks in her wheelchair and showed her where she was and she understood......until she forgot again. I pray this turns out to be a good thing. Its what she wanted. It must be so horrible for our LO's to be afraid. It will take some time for sure.
Her apt. is so much bigger and just so pretty. We hung everything on her walls and her "treasures" look so much better in a bigger place. I even took her old rocking chair back to her. Its a beautiful oak rocker that we refinished years ago and she loves it. She didn't seem to remember the chair. Who's chair? Oh boy, I should have known then we were in trouble.
Thank you all so much for your good thoughts. I thought of you all during the day. I'll check in with you later after I talk to Mom.
Love to all,
Chris
The staff said they would check on her during the night and they would continure to reasure her today. We took her on numerous walks in her wheelchair and showed her where she was and she understood......until she forgot again. I pray this turns out to be a good thing. Its what she wanted. It must be so horrible for our LO's to be afraid. It will take some time for sure.
Her apt. is so much bigger and just so pretty. We hung everything on her walls and her "treasures" look so much better in a bigger place. I even took her old rocking chair back to her. Its a beautiful oak rocker that we refinished years ago and she loves it. She didn't seem to remember the chair. Who's chair? Oh boy, I should have known then we were in trouble.
Thank you all so much for your good thoughts. I thought of you all during the day. I'll check in with you later after I talk to Mom.
Love to all,
Chris
ibake&pray
02-20-2009, 11:23 AM
Chris, how is your knee holding up?
I'd hate to think that you'd ended up next to Mom because you over did!
Sorry I didn't get to post yesterday. I was visiting the local oral surgeon. Minus one tooth and a "small" dental proceedure later, I am now drooling politely as I type...<<<slurp, sllurppp..>>>>
Mom will get settled. It will take her a few days, but she will get it eventually..just keep praying and praying.
How bad is your knee?
I'd hate to think that you'd ended up next to Mom because you over did!
Sorry I didn't get to post yesterday. I was visiting the local oral surgeon. Minus one tooth and a "small" dental proceedure later, I am now drooling politely as I type...<<<slurp, sllurppp..>>>>
Mom will get settled. It will take her a few days, but she will get it eventually..just keep praying and praying.
How bad is your knee?
Drews Gram
02-20-2009, 01:52 PM
Good Morning i bake,
My back went into spasms on the way home last night. Its hard to move my right foot back and forth when it's pinching a nerve. My knees were hurting but nothing like my back. It takes my mind off of one when the other is KILLING me. LOL Yeah, I wanted to tell Mom to give me her chair a few times yesterday afternoon. None of her daughters are in good shape at the moment. Sister #2 fell the day before and hurt her knees. Sister #1 has a bad hip. We would pass each other in the hall and laugh at each other because of the way we were all walking. So sad.........really sad. We're all falling apart. We just keep moving. Thank God our husbands were there. Of course they did the heavy lifting and we appreciate them. When it came time to do the decorating they took off. Or I should say we told them to go away. LOL After a certain time they just get in the way. :) Do they do this on purpose so we tell them to leave?? Of course they do !!!! Thats OK we just needed their muscles. They are so mistreated don't ya know? My husband knew that Mom was struggling and it bothered him to see her so confused. We tell them how she is but watching her is a whole other ballgame. They love her too.
Mom was fine when I talked to her this morning. Now she isn't !!!! Its going to take some time for her to adjust. I pray it comes soon. I'm already tired of answering the same question. What is this place? Is it a new place? Where do I eat? I guess a trip there today is a sure thing. As soon as I leave she will forget again. Bless her heart.
I hope your mouth is feeling better soon. Yikes, I hate dental surgery. No fun!
Love, Chris
My back went into spasms on the way home last night. Its hard to move my right foot back and forth when it's pinching a nerve. My knees were hurting but nothing like my back. It takes my mind off of one when the other is KILLING me. LOL Yeah, I wanted to tell Mom to give me her chair a few times yesterday afternoon. None of her daughters are in good shape at the moment. Sister #2 fell the day before and hurt her knees. Sister #1 has a bad hip. We would pass each other in the hall and laugh at each other because of the way we were all walking. So sad.........really sad. We're all falling apart. We just keep moving. Thank God our husbands were there. Of course they did the heavy lifting and we appreciate them. When it came time to do the decorating they took off. Or I should say we told them to go away. LOL After a certain time they just get in the way. :) Do they do this on purpose so we tell them to leave?? Of course they do !!!! Thats OK we just needed their muscles. They are so mistreated don't ya know? My husband knew that Mom was struggling and it bothered him to see her so confused. We tell them how she is but watching her is a whole other ballgame. They love her too.
Mom was fine when I talked to her this morning. Now she isn't !!!! Its going to take some time for her to adjust. I pray it comes soon. I'm already tired of answering the same question. What is this place? Is it a new place? Where do I eat? I guess a trip there today is a sure thing. As soon as I leave she will forget again. Bless her heart.
I hope your mouth is feeling better soon. Yikes, I hate dental surgery. No fun!
Love, Chris
meg1230
02-20-2009, 03:37 PM
I'm so happy to hear the move went well, in spite of all of the physical ailments!!
Hope you're able to rest those weary bones a little today...and with time and more time and some repetitive question and answers, thing will get back to some semblance of normalcy.
Love, Meg
Hope you're able to rest those weary bones a little today...and with time and more time and some repetitive question and answers, thing will get back to some semblance of normalcy.
Love, Meg
DGabriel10
02-20-2009, 10:50 PM
!She will adjust Chris. I did find it helpful for Dad to point out his few prized posessions. Dad are you sitting in your big green leather chair? Dad do you see the picture of your home on the wall? Hummm, if they are there then you must be where you are supposed to be.
As for the repeated questions... Just remember that she truly doesn't know. If you repeat it enough she will eventually forget to ask. Know it will not go on forever and what a wonderful comfort you are giving her each time you answer. The fact that she had good moments is a good sign. They will grow.
I can relate to the walking wounded. A pinched nerve here and a banged up bone there and a stretched muscle throw in and every body hobbles along but somehow gets it done. Bless the guys for the strong backs they contributed and bless you for releasing them when you got out of their relm of comfort. Whether they wanted to leave or you wanted them to leave is like the chicken and the egg.... who is to say which came first!?!?!
The back is troublesome to me. When it starts affecting the leg and foot you ruly need it looked after. Glad the knee faired better but sorry about the back. You definitely need light duty for a while!
Keep us updated on your Mom and her adjustment.... and know it will happen :)
Love, Deb
PS... should we use the towels to tie you up so you have to take that liight duty?
As for the repeated questions... Just remember that she truly doesn't know. If you repeat it enough she will eventually forget to ask. Know it will not go on forever and what a wonderful comfort you are giving her each time you answer. The fact that she had good moments is a good sign. They will grow.
I can relate to the walking wounded. A pinched nerve here and a banged up bone there and a stretched muscle throw in and every body hobbles along but somehow gets it done. Bless the guys for the strong backs they contributed and bless you for releasing them when you got out of their relm of comfort. Whether they wanted to leave or you wanted them to leave is like the chicken and the egg.... who is to say which came first!?!?!
The back is troublesome to me. When it starts affecting the leg and foot you ruly need it looked after. Glad the knee faired better but sorry about the back. You definitely need light duty for a while!
Keep us updated on your Mom and her adjustment.... and know it will happen :)
Love, Deb
PS... should we use the towels to tie you up so you have to take that liight duty?
Drews Gram
02-21-2009, 10:28 AM
Thank you deb I'm much better today. I took it easy yesterday and last night. My back is a source of pain for me every day. The day I moved Mom it hurt because I can't spend that many hours on my feet without paying for it later. I didn't do one thing heavy. Just on my feet too long. I thank you for the offer of the towels to tie me down but its not necessary dear deb. Keep them handy for me when I'm ranting and crying. LOL ;) I always need them then.
I'm worried of course. Worry is my middle name don't ya know. I know its going to take time for Mom to adjust. I'm just not sure at this point if its possible. I'm going to have her checked again for a UTI just in case that's the problem. Last time I was sure she had one but she didn't. She is just so confused and anxious in her new place. You just never know if what your doing is going to make them better or worse. Of course we'll give it all the time she needs. I've just got this feeling that its soon going to be out of our hands. You know that feeling that I'm talking about don't you? Its that sick feeling in the pit of your stomach that tells you your only fooling yourself. I know in my heart its going to take a medical emergency for my sisters to admit that Mom needs to be somewhere else. I'm taking the easy way out for the moment. I'm too tired right now to bring up any talk again about placing her in a NH. One day at a time is how I'm getting thorough this mess that this horrid disease has placed us all in.........one day at a time.
Love, Chris
I'm worried of course. Worry is my middle name don't ya know. I know its going to take time for Mom to adjust. I'm just not sure at this point if its possible. I'm going to have her checked again for a UTI just in case that's the problem. Last time I was sure she had one but she didn't. She is just so confused and anxious in her new place. You just never know if what your doing is going to make them better or worse. Of course we'll give it all the time she needs. I've just got this feeling that its soon going to be out of our hands. You know that feeling that I'm talking about don't you? Its that sick feeling in the pit of your stomach that tells you your only fooling yourself. I know in my heart its going to take a medical emergency for my sisters to admit that Mom needs to be somewhere else. I'm taking the easy way out for the moment. I'm too tired right now to bring up any talk again about placing her in a NH. One day at a time is how I'm getting thorough this mess that this horrid disease has placed us all in.........one day at a time.
Love, Chris
DGabriel10
02-21-2009, 02:05 PM
OH Chris... I do know exactly where you are. I believe I am there myself. So let's hang on to the towels, take one day at a time, and know we are holding each other up :)
I am glad your back is better today. I do hope today is a good day for your Mom, and for you. Next on my agenda is to call mom and see what the mood meter says today!
Hang in there Chris.... we are all there with you.
I am glad your back is better today. I do hope today is a good day for your Mom, and for you. Next on my agenda is to call mom and see what the mood meter says today!
Hang in there Chris.... we are all there with you.
Drews Gram
02-21-2009, 02:21 PM
Just a short note to tell you that Sister #1 is with Mom. Mom actually walked to the elevators with her walker and showed Sis how to get to the dining room and back!! No problem..........at the moment. She seems a little more at ease. I wish she wouldn't call at night. She sundowns so bad and I think "Dear Lord she's gone for sure". Miss negative riding my roller coaster again. :dizzy:
I hope your phone call goes well deb. Planet Alzheimers..........a tiring place to visit.
Love,Chris
I hope your phone call goes well deb. Planet Alzheimers..........a tiring place to visit.
Love,Chris
DGabriel10
02-21-2009, 03:00 PM
I am talking to Mom now. The mood meter is on good today. She's laughing. She was telling me about lunch and was trying to come up the word "Sub" to describe her sandwich. She fumbled for a while and then said you know, my brain is dead.... then laughed. Once again she is telling me about the man putting his teeth in the middle of his plate.. and laughing. Then a quick switch to the Michigan snow followed by the dolphins that were saved from the ice. Yep, she's watching the news!
Then she totally shocked me. We were talking about money. That is actually her favorite subject!!! I said I had called the accountant and then couldn't remember his name so I made the same comment she had about my brain being dead (which got a big laugh). Then she said.... "I am so sorry that you have to do that for me but it just got to be too much!" After I discussion in the other thread it brought tears to my eyes... but in a good way. I told her as much as she had done for me in my life that there was no way I could ever repay all that she had done and thanked her for letting me do this for her. That seemed to appease and please her.
Chris, I am glad your Mom is having a good morning. Yes, it will be worse during sundowning but at least the early parts of the day are good..... for both of us :)
I think my bicycle is calling my name!!!
Then she totally shocked me. We were talking about money. That is actually her favorite subject!!! I said I had called the accountant and then couldn't remember his name so I made the same comment she had about my brain being dead (which got a big laugh). Then she said.... "I am so sorry that you have to do that for me but it just got to be too much!" After I discussion in the other thread it brought tears to my eyes... but in a good way. I told her as much as she had done for me in my life that there was no way I could ever repay all that she had done and thanked her for letting me do this for her. That seemed to appease and please her.
Chris, I am glad your Mom is having a good morning. Yes, it will be worse during sundowning but at least the early parts of the day are good..... for both of us :)
I think my bicycle is calling my name!!!
carsam
02-21-2009, 08:40 PM
Hi Chris,
So glad to hear you mom is settling in well after her move......and I hope you're taking the time to rest now. I couldnt help but smile when I read the part where you and your sister and your husbands were all laughing during the move.....how nice this must have been. I wish all families could handle things like this "together".....how much more manageable things could be.
Glad to hear all is going well...
Love, Caroline xo
So glad to hear you mom is settling in well after her move......and I hope you're taking the time to rest now. I couldnt help but smile when I read the part where you and your sister and your husbands were all laughing during the move.....how nice this must have been. I wish all families could handle things like this "together".....how much more manageable things could be.
Glad to hear all is going well...
Love, Caroline xo
Drews Gram
02-22-2009, 02:26 AM
I'm sorry to report to my optimistic friends here that Mom lost it tonight at the AL facility. They took her down to supper and she just wondered off from her table. The kitchen girls called me and Mom was in a state of frenzy. She had wondered in there and told them she wanted me........call my daughter NOW!!! She told me to come after her because she didn't know where she was and she wanted to go home. Her CNA's found her and took her and her meal to her apt. She refused to eat and wanted to go straight to bed. It was 6:30. I tried my best to calm her to no avail. Nothing would help......nothing!
We had our lake friends here. A house full of people. We were going to go to Mom but the staff assured us that she was OK. Just talked to them and one of the staff is staying with her tonight.
Now what? I just feel so hopeless at this point. I can't sleep and I hate that my poor Mom was afraid. I can't help her. I thought I was doing the right thing. Such a hopeless feeling...................God help us caregivers and the ones we love.
Love to all,
Chris
We had our lake friends here. A house full of people. We were going to go to Mom but the staff assured us that she was OK. Just talked to them and one of the staff is staying with her tonight.
Now what? I just feel so hopeless at this point. I can't sleep and I hate that my poor Mom was afraid. I can't help her. I thought I was doing the right thing. Such a hopeless feeling...................God help us caregivers and the ones we love.
Love to all,
Chris
DGabriel10
02-22-2009, 04:26 AM
Chris... tonight was a bad night but she had a good moring before it. You know how Sundowning is. You also knew she would not be adjusted in two days. Give it a little time. There is not telling what set her off. It might have had nothing to do with the move. It might have been something that happened in the dinning room. It could have been anything or nothing at all. She might have just be tired.
Don't beat yourself up so. The jury is still out on this move. No matter what happens you know why you did it and it was with your Mom's best interest at heart. Give it time. See what the next week brings. Beyond that, the staff thought perhaps your voice would calm her down. When that didn't happen, they were perfectly capable ot taking her back to the room, putting her to bed, and watching her. Tomorrow is another day.... hopefully the day and the night will be better.
I am not giving up hope and neither should you. Give it sometime. I will keep you both in my thoughts and prayers. Once again...... give it some time.
Love, deb
Don't beat yourself up so. The jury is still out on this move. No matter what happens you know why you did it and it was with your Mom's best interest at heart. Give it time. See what the next week brings. Beyond that, the staff thought perhaps your voice would calm her down. When that didn't happen, they were perfectly capable ot taking her back to the room, putting her to bed, and watching her. Tomorrow is another day.... hopefully the day and the night will be better.
I am not giving up hope and neither should you. Give it sometime. I will keep you both in my thoughts and prayers. Once again...... give it some time.
Love, deb
caringsister54
02-22-2009, 09:57 AM
Chris
We all know the horror of sundowning. Remember walking the floors with colic babies? Come on, we thought we couldn't get through that part of child-rearing but we did, didn't we? and we can get through this with all our love and support surrounding you.
The move was the best thing that you could do. Remember it got your mother walking down with Sister#1. you don't know what set her off and it may be nothing. Their brain mis-fires so bad. if they administered any medicine around that time (Namenda???) it could be anything that mis-fired setting it off.
Hang in there. They should try to give her a sedative and an appetite stimulant before dinnertime so that after she eats she's more manageable.
I'm praying for you Chris. My dear, dear friend. You have siblings so share all your concerns with them all and the husbands. You definitely are blessed as it seems to be a family affair. All too often what you are going through falls only on the shoulders of one.
Take Care
Your loving,
CaringSister54
We all know the horror of sundowning. Remember walking the floors with colic babies? Come on, we thought we couldn't get through that part of child-rearing but we did, didn't we? and we can get through this with all our love and support surrounding you.
The move was the best thing that you could do. Remember it got your mother walking down with Sister#1. you don't know what set her off and it may be nothing. Their brain mis-fires so bad. if they administered any medicine around that time (Namenda???) it could be anything that mis-fired setting it off.
Hang in there. They should try to give her a sedative and an appetite stimulant before dinnertime so that after she eats she's more manageable.
I'm praying for you Chris. My dear, dear friend. You have siblings so share all your concerns with them all and the husbands. You definitely are blessed as it seems to be a family affair. All too often what you are going through falls only on the shoulders of one.
Take Care
Your loving,
CaringSister54
Drews Gram
02-22-2009, 10:32 AM
Thank you deb and Caring. I shouldn't post when I'm tired and upset. Or when I'm sitting here having a glass of wine and feeling sorry for myself and Mom. :o Your right of course. I've just never heard her so lost unless she was in the hospital. We will give it time of course. I just worry that she'll stay in that state of mind. Thank you for softening the edges of this time in my llife. I would be lost without all of you.
I'm sure she's fine this morning. Thank you for listening to me yet again. I do get wound up don't I?? I'm like Mom. Oh my goodnesss...........thats not good. :)
Love,Chris
I'm sure she's fine this morning. Thank you for listening to me yet again. I do get wound up don't I?? I'm like Mom. Oh my goodnesss...........thats not good. :)
Love,Chris
DGabriel10
02-22-2009, 07:36 PM
When you are tired, upset, sitting with a glass of wine, and feeling overwhelmed (better word than sorry for yourself) is exactly the time you need to reach out. It is those times when views from the outside are clearer than views from the inside. It has happened to me enough. Sometimes we just feel like we are drowning in the chaos that this disease creates and we need a lifeline.... or a towel! So reach out when the water is too deep. That's what we are all here for. That and information and experiences and connections and all the wonderful uplifting support that keeps our heads above water :)
I do hope you had a better day with Mom today and tonight goes better.
Love, deb
I do hope you had a better day with Mom today and tonight goes better.
Love, deb
Drews Gram
02-24-2009, 10:57 AM
Good Morning Friends,
Mom is trying. Thats the most important thing I have to say about her state of mind today. Its been very very hard on all of us. The light switch is "off and on" 20 times a day and at night. She does remember my phone number and she calls me constantly to help her remember where she is and why she is there. Its the shape of her apt. that is throwing her the most also whats outside her door is confusing and frightening. Then she looks out her window and sees nothing familar of course. When we made the move she went from the back of the building to the front so thats confusing her also. Lord............who knew it would be this bad? We would NEVER have done this if we had any idea anything like this would happen.
She left the dining room Saturday evening and wandered into the kitchen and told the staff to call me. She told me she was "coming apart" and I needed to come get her because she didn't like this place and that she had never seen it before in her life. Oh, I already told you that story,sorry. Sunday was not a good day either. Sister spent the morning with her and I came about 2 in the afternoon and stayed until I put her to bed. She wanted me to spend the night with her and talked about how it would be nice to sleep with me so we could snuggle like when I was a little girl. By the time I got home I didn't have a voice. It was gone from no sleep the night before and I talked all day trying to calm her. Her short term memory is gone. So I'm praying once this apt. becomes long term memory she will feel secure and know what to expect.
This exhausts anyone who is there for a long length of time because its the same questions every 10 minutes..........
What is this place?
Why am I here?
Where are my things?
How did this happen?
Whats wrong with me?
Am I going to stay this way?
Why can't I go home with you?
Is it time to go?
What do I do here?
Over and over and over. Bless her heart its so hard on her.
Well my friends that's what is going on now and for the last 6 days. The staff says she will get better and it will become a memory that she can cling to. I can only pray they are right. I lost it yesterday morning and and just sat down and bawled my eyes out and felt better after a good cry.
Mom's up and made her morning call to me. I just answered the questions yet again and she felt better. This will last about an hour and then we'll do it again.
Love to all,
Chris
Mom is trying. Thats the most important thing I have to say about her state of mind today. Its been very very hard on all of us. The light switch is "off and on" 20 times a day and at night. She does remember my phone number and she calls me constantly to help her remember where she is and why she is there. Its the shape of her apt. that is throwing her the most also whats outside her door is confusing and frightening. Then she looks out her window and sees nothing familar of course. When we made the move she went from the back of the building to the front so thats confusing her also. Lord............who knew it would be this bad? We would NEVER have done this if we had any idea anything like this would happen.
She left the dining room Saturday evening and wandered into the kitchen and told the staff to call me. She told me she was "coming apart" and I needed to come get her because she didn't like this place and that she had never seen it before in her life. Oh, I already told you that story,sorry. Sunday was not a good day either. Sister spent the morning with her and I came about 2 in the afternoon and stayed until I put her to bed. She wanted me to spend the night with her and talked about how it would be nice to sleep with me so we could snuggle like when I was a little girl. By the time I got home I didn't have a voice. It was gone from no sleep the night before and I talked all day trying to calm her. Her short term memory is gone. So I'm praying once this apt. becomes long term memory she will feel secure and know what to expect.
This exhausts anyone who is there for a long length of time because its the same questions every 10 minutes..........
What is this place?
Why am I here?
Where are my things?
How did this happen?
Whats wrong with me?
Am I going to stay this way?
Why can't I go home with you?
Is it time to go?
What do I do here?
Over and over and over. Bless her heart its so hard on her.
Well my friends that's what is going on now and for the last 6 days. The staff says she will get better and it will become a memory that she can cling to. I can only pray they are right. I lost it yesterday morning and and just sat down and bawled my eyes out and felt better after a good cry.
Mom's up and made her morning call to me. I just answered the questions yet again and she felt better. This will last about an hour and then we'll do it again.
Love to all,
Chris
DGabriel10
02-24-2009, 12:42 PM
Bless you Chris!! She will adjust but it is evidently going to take a while. I know the questions are exhausting. Just know that a little fragment of an idea sticks each time and eventually it will become a memory or she will forget to ask the questions. Then it will be on to something new. It seems there is always something. I do hope her health is holding stable during this transition. You absolutely need to get some sleep. As for the good cry, we all need that once in a while. It is all so overwhelming at times and crying is a way to release that stress and tension that builds up. Hang in there. Mom will eventually adjust, slowly and gradually. Hang in there :)
I'm giving you another stack of towels to wrap up you and your mom, cry in if necessary, and to hang onto..... we have the other end :)
Love, deb
I'm giving you another stack of towels to wrap up you and your mom, cry in if necessary, and to hang onto..... we have the other end :)
Love, deb
meg1230
02-24-2009, 02:11 PM
I know saying "this to shall pass" doesn't help the right now but eventually it will...you just have to trudge through the mud of the land of short term memory loss.
I thought my mother would never stop calling me to complain about them giving her the daily medicine. Eventually she did.
I never thought she would stop looking for her address books (that still haven't shown up!) but she has...of course, that is because she is now looking for something else. Today it is a bracelet..
If it's not one thing it is another...don't you feel like you are just runnnig in place sometimes?
Everytime I get in the car to head up to her place I have to have a little talk with myself...to remind myself that I am going up there to help her and I am going to do my best to not let it frustrate me...in front of her at least. Then I come home and EAT. Now that's another problem. HAH!
So hang on, dear one...we are all here and we all understand.
Until she gets used to looking out the window and seeing a new view could you maybe put extra pictures of family there? MAybe it would draw her eye there instead of to foreign territory and give her a little solace. Just an idea.
I'm always searching for new ideas to beat the disease.
Love, Meg
I thought my mother would never stop calling me to complain about them giving her the daily medicine. Eventually she did.
I never thought she would stop looking for her address books (that still haven't shown up!) but she has...of course, that is because she is now looking for something else. Today it is a bracelet..
If it's not one thing it is another...don't you feel like you are just runnnig in place sometimes?
Everytime I get in the car to head up to her place I have to have a little talk with myself...to remind myself that I am going up there to help her and I am going to do my best to not let it frustrate me...in front of her at least. Then I come home and EAT. Now that's another problem. HAH!
So hang on, dear one...we are all here and we all understand.
Until she gets used to looking out the window and seeing a new view could you maybe put extra pictures of family there? MAybe it would draw her eye there instead of to foreign territory and give her a little solace. Just an idea.
I'm always searching for new ideas to beat the disease.
Love, Meg
Drews Gram
02-24-2009, 06:53 PM
We did put a large note in her window. This is ******** House. This is where you live. She didn't see it?? What? How can she miss that one?
We put a large note on her door telling her "This is your apt. This is where you live" and signed each of our names...........doesn't see it!!" Thank you for any suggestions anyone has but I think time is the only answer.
But as I said I'm open to any and all suggestions. :dizzy:
Love Chris
We put a large note on her door telling her "This is your apt. This is where you live" and signed each of our names...........doesn't see it!!" Thank you for any suggestions anyone has but I think time is the only answer.
But as I said I'm open to any and all suggestions. :dizzy:
Love Chris
Martha H
02-24-2009, 07:31 PM
It will take time, but not all that long. A week or two. She will forget the other apartment. She will still want to go 'home' ... that usually means to where her parents are and she is a child. That cannot be remedied.
Hang on, this crisis will pass.
Love,
Martha
Hang on, this crisis will pass.
Love,
Martha
DGabriel10
02-25-2009, 03:09 AM
Meg, I can so relate to the go home and eat. For years that was my answer to stress and I grazed through the year before Mom and Dad went to AL. I replaced eating with bike riding!!!
Note work sometimes but not all the time Chris. We write appointments and visits on her calendar but that rarely works. I left Mom a note to let her know where I was once. She thought it was old, wadded it up and threw it away, still not knowing where I was. Other notes to unnoted. Martha is right, it just takes time and patience. I do hope your Mom has a better day today and each day gets a little better until it's a thing of the past. I m sure it will be replaced with something else.
Right now Mom is back to the "I'm constipated". I had to laugh. She has been gaining weight since she went to AL. She assured me she knew she was constipated because her stomach was bloated. Hummm could it be the extra 20 pounds or more you have packed on later!!! NO NO NO..... according to her she is the same size she has always been. I just suggested she ask for prune juice at supper and that seemed to appease for the moment. Her bowl obcession is in full swing. But... she was laughing about it which was good.
Love, deb
Note work sometimes but not all the time Chris. We write appointments and visits on her calendar but that rarely works. I left Mom a note to let her know where I was once. She thought it was old, wadded it up and threw it away, still not knowing where I was. Other notes to unnoted. Martha is right, it just takes time and patience. I do hope your Mom has a better day today and each day gets a little better until it's a thing of the past. I m sure it will be replaced with something else.
Right now Mom is back to the "I'm constipated". I had to laugh. She has been gaining weight since she went to AL. She assured me she knew she was constipated because her stomach was bloated. Hummm could it be the extra 20 pounds or more you have packed on later!!! NO NO NO..... according to her she is the same size she has always been. I just suggested she ask for prune juice at supper and that seemed to appease for the moment. Her bowl obcession is in full swing. But... she was laughing about it which was good.
Love, deb
Drews Gram
02-28-2009, 11:33 AM
Good Morning Friends,
I wanted to give you an update on the continuing saga of "the apartment"!! I'm sorry to report that Mom has not improved much over the last week. She seems to be getting worse at times but then of course thats at times and its all starting to run together.............even for me. We've tried every idea that anyone can come up with and still she's so confused.
I've told you that she only remembers my number and she calls me all the time. Its the nighttime calls that are starting to wear on me. I've thought about not answering or turning my phone off in the bedroom but I just can't to that to her. When she calls at night she is so frightened and I can calm her down in about 15 minutes. I'm afraid if I don't answer she will just go crazy from fear. I'm going there again today and push her around yet again and try to make it stick in her poor demented mind that she is not in a different place. Because of Moms nervous breakdowns years ago she has been afraid of losing her mind and having to be locked away somewhere. Between all of us she is told 50 times a day where she is and that she will be fine in a few days. She is aware that she is confused and she says she's sorry that she must be driving me nuts but she can't help it. " I hate to do this to you but tell me again where I am and why don't I know. Whats wrong with me"? I'll stay again until I put her to bed tonight. Then come home and cry a little or alot depending on our day.
I'm waiting for the UTI results and other tests that we had done this past week. Maybe they will show something. I doubt that its anything but the move that has done this terrible thing to her. Geezzzz how I wish I would never moved her but its too late and she will have to settle in eventually. My knees are hurting so bad again so I have an apointment at the Drs. for more shots. I'm not sure how many times he can do this or if I need surgery. :eek:
I'm scared to death of being put all the way out so we'll see.
Love to all and say a prayer for Mom please.
Chris
I wanted to give you an update on the continuing saga of "the apartment"!! I'm sorry to report that Mom has not improved much over the last week. She seems to be getting worse at times but then of course thats at times and its all starting to run together.............even for me. We've tried every idea that anyone can come up with and still she's so confused.
I've told you that she only remembers my number and she calls me all the time. Its the nighttime calls that are starting to wear on me. I've thought about not answering or turning my phone off in the bedroom but I just can't to that to her. When she calls at night she is so frightened and I can calm her down in about 15 minutes. I'm afraid if I don't answer she will just go crazy from fear. I'm going there again today and push her around yet again and try to make it stick in her poor demented mind that she is not in a different place. Because of Moms nervous breakdowns years ago she has been afraid of losing her mind and having to be locked away somewhere. Between all of us she is told 50 times a day where she is and that she will be fine in a few days. She is aware that she is confused and she says she's sorry that she must be driving me nuts but she can't help it. " I hate to do this to you but tell me again where I am and why don't I know. Whats wrong with me"? I'll stay again until I put her to bed tonight. Then come home and cry a little or alot depending on our day.
I'm waiting for the UTI results and other tests that we had done this past week. Maybe they will show something. I doubt that its anything but the move that has done this terrible thing to her. Geezzzz how I wish I would never moved her but its too late and she will have to settle in eventually. My knees are hurting so bad again so I have an apointment at the Drs. for more shots. I'm not sure how many times he can do this or if I need surgery. :eek:
I'm scared to death of being put all the way out so we'll see.
Love to all and say a prayer for Mom please.
Chris
ibake&pray
02-28-2009, 01:05 PM
Chris,
I'm sorry that Mom isn't settling in as well as you had hoped. often it seems that when we move them it sort of pushes them over the edge and they slip down that slope.
Do you think that her doctor could give her a sedative to help her through the night time? I know that there are ones out there that are mild enough that she wouldn't be overly doped up in the morning. Does she have someone that comes in and gives her her meds at night or is she responsible for them her self? I think that either a sleeping pill or a mild sedative would relieve the anxiety and allow everyone the release and sleep that you are all so deparately in need of! I am surprised that she isn't on an antianixiety med right now. It will make your life somewhat easier-and it will help her settle into the apartment also. It will also calm her fears about "not being quite right."
Andyou need to be careful with your knees, girl! Put your feet up and rest, you don't need surgery. That will really upset the apple cart. Hope that you feel better, Chris....
I'm sorry that Mom isn't settling in as well as you had hoped. often it seems that when we move them it sort of pushes them over the edge and they slip down that slope.
Do you think that her doctor could give her a sedative to help her through the night time? I know that there are ones out there that are mild enough that she wouldn't be overly doped up in the morning. Does she have someone that comes in and gives her her meds at night or is she responsible for them her self? I think that either a sleeping pill or a mild sedative would relieve the anxiety and allow everyone the release and sleep that you are all so deparately in need of! I am surprised that she isn't on an antianixiety med right now. It will make your life somewhat easier-and it will help her settle into the apartment also. It will also calm her fears about "not being quite right."
Andyou need to be careful with your knees, girl! Put your feet up and rest, you don't need surgery. That will really upset the apple cart. Hope that you feel better, Chris....
DGabriel10
02-28-2009, 01:51 PM
Chris, hang in there. Jill is right. A mild sleeping pill or antianxiety pill might just be what is needed for the evenings. It made a difference with Dad. Speaking of which, remember the weeks that Dad was so anxious after he moved? It was several weeks before he calmed down and I can't tell you exactly when because it was so gradual. But he did. It takes a while for that new to stick. Mom took even longer, and she still has her moments, but she is so much better. So don't give up hope. If you can calm her down in 15 minutes then it is a 15 minutes well spent. Rather than being upset that she had to call you, be thankful that you are able to calm her fears. She knows who can help her!! I understand that it is wearing but just keep on the positive side rather than the negative side. She does come to you for reassurance and you are able to give it to her. That will get her through until this passes.... and it will.
In the mean time take care of that knee. But if it comes to it, do what has to be done. You can always keep in contact with your Mom by phone and your sisters can take up the slack for a while. We do fear the worse and usually it doesn't come :)
So check on the antianxiety med, at least for a while, keep reassuring your Mom, and take care of that knee. We all have the other end of your towels and are here for you.
Love, deb
In the mean time take care of that knee. But if it comes to it, do what has to be done. You can always keep in contact with your Mom by phone and your sisters can take up the slack for a while. We do fear the worse and usually it doesn't come :)
So check on the antianxiety med, at least for a while, keep reassuring your Mom, and take care of that knee. We all have the other end of your towels and are here for you.
Love, deb
meg1230
02-28-2009, 05:36 PM
Chris, my mom only knows my number too...it is a blessing and a curse.
I have to tell you something about this week of mine. Four times this week, someone said to me, "you are so good to your mother". Meaning I do the same things you all do with your parents. We love them..through the good and the bad. I don't know how to do it any other way...how do people just walk away from their parents..I just don't get it!
But my response to all of them was.."she'd do it for me." And that's what I thought of when you talk about calming your mother's fears in those 15 minutes. The same thing she would have done for you as a child if you had come to her in the night in a panicked state of confusion, hurt, terror, whatever.
The thought of her being scared is haunting and knowing you have the magic power of calming her is something to be thankful for...
As for her sleeping, I must tell you what one doctor told us...give her a few small glasses of wine a night. She has always enjoyed a "cocktail" so we tried it and, by golly, she sure does sleep! She thinks we are slipping her sleeping pills! Nope, just a little glass or two of merlot. But it works, for now, and we know she is getting her rest and not searching her drawers and under her bed for objects unknown all night long. Hey, whatever works.
Mabe tonight you should get home and have a few glasses with my mom..I'll have some too, heck, let's all have some and toast to us...cheers!
Love, Meg
I have to tell you something about this week of mine. Four times this week, someone said to me, "you are so good to your mother". Meaning I do the same things you all do with your parents. We love them..through the good and the bad. I don't know how to do it any other way...how do people just walk away from their parents..I just don't get it!
But my response to all of them was.."she'd do it for me." And that's what I thought of when you talk about calming your mother's fears in those 15 minutes. The same thing she would have done for you as a child if you had come to her in the night in a panicked state of confusion, hurt, terror, whatever.
The thought of her being scared is haunting and knowing you have the magic power of calming her is something to be thankful for...
As for her sleeping, I must tell you what one doctor told us...give her a few small glasses of wine a night. She has always enjoyed a "cocktail" so we tried it and, by golly, she sure does sleep! She thinks we are slipping her sleeping pills! Nope, just a little glass or two of merlot. But it works, for now, and we know she is getting her rest and not searching her drawers and under her bed for objects unknown all night long. Hey, whatever works.
Mabe tonight you should get home and have a few glasses with my mom..I'll have some too, heck, let's all have some and toast to us...cheers!
Love, Meg
ibake&pray
03-01-2009, 12:41 AM
Meg,
That sounds like a great idea..and after this week at work, would you mind if i just put a straw in the bottle?
That sounds like a great idea..and after this week at work, would you mind if i just put a straw in the bottle?