CAJ0818
02-19-2009, 10:24 AM
Hi Everyone,
As you know my Mother has alzheimer and in the last six months she has lost two of her best friends. The first time I went to the nh to tell her about her best friend dying, I was ready for her to cry her eyes out and be very upset. When I told her, she said oh really, was she still living at the Morris house? (this is where the friend had lived probably five years ago). No emotions, not anything. Now another one of her best friends has died and I went to the nh yesterday to tell her, and she said I know I about fell over when I read that in the paper. (I had not realized it has already been in the paper) Where are the tears, the emotions, there are none and this really concerns me. Is this part of the disease, does this give you some idea what stage of Alzheimers she is in? Has anyone else dealt with this?
As you know my Mother has alzheimer and in the last six months she has lost two of her best friends. The first time I went to the nh to tell her about her best friend dying, I was ready for her to cry her eyes out and be very upset. When I told her, she said oh really, was she still living at the Morris house? (this is where the friend had lived probably five years ago). No emotions, not anything. Now another one of her best friends has died and I went to the nh yesterday to tell her, and she said I know I about fell over when I read that in the paper. (I had not realized it has already been in the paper) Where are the tears, the emotions, there are none and this really concerns me. Is this part of the disease, does this give you some idea what stage of Alzheimers she is in? Has anyone else dealt with this?
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lookingafterdad
02-19-2009, 01:26 PM
Hello,
My dad has Vascula Dementia, and Nov last year, my daughter( Dads Grandaughter) died of Lung Cancer
Dad was in hospital at the time due to a fall, and having a hip replacement. When he was told about Sharon,
he just replied Oh, and then went on in big detail about how this doctor who was a friend of his, had been and told him he could go home for the night, and com back in the morning.
( All made up fibs)..
But what got me was , No emotion, just like you say in your post, it was like iI had told him it raining or sunshining. there was nothing
I wanted to scream and shout at him that his grandaughter, my daughter had just died, didnt he feel anything?? But then on reflection, he prob didnt.
Also noticed when I tell him something, he dosnt really listen esp if he has something on his mind, he talks over you , and you just wasted your breath telling him whatever you said...
As for what stage your mother is in, have you read the post 7 Stages of ALZHEIMER'S ? I had the same question, and after reading that post got a better idea of where my dad is.hope this helps
Love Helen
My dad has Vascula Dementia, and Nov last year, my daughter( Dads Grandaughter) died of Lung Cancer
Dad was in hospital at the time due to a fall, and having a hip replacement. When he was told about Sharon,
he just replied Oh, and then went on in big detail about how this doctor who was a friend of his, had been and told him he could go home for the night, and com back in the morning.
( All made up fibs)..
But what got me was , No emotion, just like you say in your post, it was like iI had told him it raining or sunshining. there was nothing
I wanted to scream and shout at him that his grandaughter, my daughter had just died, didnt he feel anything?? But then on reflection, he prob didnt.
Also noticed when I tell him something, he dosnt really listen esp if he has something on his mind, he talks over you , and you just wasted your breath telling him whatever you said...
As for what stage your mother is in, have you read the post 7 Stages of ALZHEIMER'S ? I had the same question, and after reading that post got a better idea of where my dad is.hope this helps
Love Helen
meg1230
02-19-2009, 02:01 PM
HI...We too have had to deal with loss and for us the consequences of telling mom..when her sister died, she was strong and held herself together but after the funeral she drifted further into the rabbit hole of dementia..it was a bad break and it took us a few years to get her stabilized...then her husband died and though the decline wasn't as bad it still was a decline. Now her best friend in life died this past September and we decided to not tell her. She lived on the opposite coast and so far we have bluffed our way through. Mom knew her friend had been sick so we tell her that she is in a hospital and is unable to talk..we tell her that she is resting comfortably. Her friend's last words were a message to my mother..she said, "tell her I love her". Heartbreaking.
After both her sister's death and her husband's there were never fits of mourning...but sadness for sure. It was contained but the sharp decline in the disease is how it affected her the most.
Love, Meg
After both her sister's death and her husband's there were never fits of mourning...but sadness for sure. It was contained but the sharp decline in the disease is how it affected her the most.
Love, Meg
Martha H
02-19-2009, 03:45 PM
Absolutely. This is a part of the disease. They lose their ability to empathize and sympathize with others.
It may help to remind yourself that her mind has regressed. Eventually it gets back to her own childhood. Like a 2 or 3 year old who has no ability to comprehend death. This happens in the late stages of the disease.
My Mom forgot that she had ever been married or had children and grandchildren and even great grandchildren. Once in a while, a light switch went on and she temporarily remembered someone, like my son in law (her granddaughter's husband.)Otherwise she would say, "some people were here but I don't know them." It was her sister and her nephew.
Just imagine if her sister had died first and we had told her - what emotions could she show about a woman she didn't remember ever knowing?
Since your Mom remembered the house where her other friend had lived, she still has some intact memory, but it apparently does not reach as far as to remember any feelings she may have had for this woman.
It is a sad, long, slow decline. Sorry you are going through her suffering.
love,
Martha
It may help to remind yourself that her mind has regressed. Eventually it gets back to her own childhood. Like a 2 or 3 year old who has no ability to comprehend death. This happens in the late stages of the disease.
My Mom forgot that she had ever been married or had children and grandchildren and even great grandchildren. Once in a while, a light switch went on and she temporarily remembered someone, like my son in law (her granddaughter's husband.)Otherwise she would say, "some people were here but I don't know them." It was her sister and her nephew.
Just imagine if her sister had died first and we had told her - what emotions could she show about a woman she didn't remember ever knowing?
Since your Mom remembered the house where her other friend had lived, she still has some intact memory, but it apparently does not reach as far as to remember any feelings she may have had for this woman.
It is a sad, long, slow decline. Sorry you are going through her suffering.
love,
Martha
debbie g
02-19-2009, 05:57 PM
my mom has vascular dementia and usually forgets what we tell her. but if i told her something bad, like a death or someone being very ill, she will start to cry. she would get the story mixed up, but she would somehow remember. so we decided not to tell her anything bad at this point.
polina
02-19-2009, 09:36 PM
We have noticed the same thing with Mom. During the summer my dad went into have Major back surgery 5 veterbraes fused. It was big surgery and actually dad's first time ever in the hospital at the age of 78. First time for surgery. Well, the morning I was taking him in Dad says bye Nell to Mom. Of course she had already forgotten where he was going. So I explained again about how he was going into the hospital for back surgery and would be there for many days. She just looked at him and said oh bye. Nothing more nothing less! It was as if he was going to the supermarket to get milk. I thought it was a little odd. Then when I came home, I once again mentioned how dad was in surgery now as we speak. Nothing! no response just a "Oh". There have been people that we know that have past away recently, I know 2 years ago if I told her the news of these people having died she would be so upset and bothered by it. Now there is no response. It is the disease that has made her all self absorbed within herself and for herself only.
This has been hard for dad to accept.. He constantly says to me: "Your mother used to be the most caring woman in the world". I say to him I know she used to be! It kinda sad!!
Love pauline
This has been hard for dad to accept.. He constantly says to me: "Your mother used to be the most caring woman in the world". I say to him I know she used to be! It kinda sad!!
Love pauline
petal*pusher
02-20-2009, 12:25 AM
Helen...so sorry for the loss of your Sharon...so many challenges in your life....
I sure agree with Martha...this is part of dementia/Alzheimer's. So much of what we know so well about our loved one changes...it's not their fault, or lack of compassion...simply the progression of this horrendous disease.........Pam:(
I sure agree with Martha...this is part of dementia/Alzheimer's. So much of what we know so well about our loved one changes...it's not their fault, or lack of compassion...simply the progression of this horrendous disease.........Pam:(
DGabriel10
02-20-2009, 02:46 AM
You get one of two responses. It is either flat with no emotions or they get upset all over again. Dad with his vascular dementia tends to get upset. His mother died in '83 but if he ask about his mom and someone says she is not alive, you can see the fresh pain in his face. On the other hand Mom with her ALZ tends to shug her shoulders.
Mom has become very uncaring. She never hung up the phone without saying I love you. Now she will just hang up without even a good bye. Illness, death, or other bad news doesn't get the same reponse it used to but gets little or no response. Dad on the other hand is still as caring as he always was.... every time he hears the news. Each is so very different yet the same.....
Love, deb
Mom has become very uncaring. She never hung up the phone without saying I love you. Now she will just hang up without even a good bye. Illness, death, or other bad news doesn't get the same reponse it used to but gets little or no response. Dad on the other hand is still as caring as he always was.... every time he hears the news. Each is so very different yet the same.....
Love, deb
lookingafterdad
02-20-2009, 06:34 AM
Re: Emotions
Like Martha, my dad has forgot his children and grandchildren, and would say " someones been, but dont know who"
and Pauline, you put into words the reason why my brother dosnt help me look after my dad any longer.(all self absorbed within himself and for himself only.)
I have tried telling him that its part of the disease, but he wont have it, it just dad being selfish.
If dad is in the place where he grew up, he will constantly ask about his dad , and his dogs, then he will get upset if we say grandad died 20 odd yrs ago.
But if we mention mum, who died 15yrs ago,threre is nothing. He never mentions her or anything about his life with her, even though they were married for 50yrs.
Thankyou Pam for your kind words..
Love, Helen
Like Martha, my dad has forgot his children and grandchildren, and would say " someones been, but dont know who"
and Pauline, you put into words the reason why my brother dosnt help me look after my dad any longer.(all self absorbed within himself and for himself only.)
I have tried telling him that its part of the disease, but he wont have it, it just dad being selfish.
If dad is in the place where he grew up, he will constantly ask about his dad , and his dogs, then he will get upset if we say grandad died 20 odd yrs ago.
But if we mention mum, who died 15yrs ago,threre is nothing. He never mentions her or anything about his life with her, even though they were married for 50yrs.
Thankyou Pam for your kind words..
Love, Helen
caringsister54
02-20-2009, 06:38 AM
Helen
I'm sorry for the loss of your daughter. She's in heaven helping prepare a place for him when its his time.
Sometimes God needs more angels and picks the best so they're not suffering on earth.
However
jump over to the 'virtual dinner' and add something to our table. We'll have a place setting put there just for you. it'll give you something else to think about.
Love
Your CaringSister54
I'm sorry for the loss of your daughter. She's in heaven helping prepare a place for him when its his time.
Sometimes God needs more angels and picks the best so they're not suffering on earth.
However
jump over to the 'virtual dinner' and add something to our table. We'll have a place setting put there just for you. it'll give you something else to think about.
Love
Your CaringSister54
Martha H
02-20-2009, 07:24 AM
I remember another incident from Mom's early days at the NH. Someone told her, or she saw on TV, that a little redheaded girl had suffered a bad burn. When my brother went to visit her, she thught it had been his grandddaughter (who has black hair!) and repeatedly wanted to know if the little girl was OK, is she recovering from the burn? Later she showed no such concern for anyone. That 'button' switched off, just like the memory button and the appetite button. No response to tragedy or comedy.
They retreat into a one dimensional world.
Love,
Martha
They retreat into a one dimensional world.
Love,
Martha
lookingafterdad
02-20-2009, 07:44 AM
Re; Emotions
Thanks for the invite caringsister, been over and its great.........and for your lovely words xxx
Martha,
the button switch you talk about, Its the appetite button thats giving me problems at the moment.
He seems to go for weeks eating everything you put in front of him, to eating nothing. I keep throwing food away that he hasnt touched.
He is back to going to his little pub at night and having 2pints of beer, so I know that could take his appetite away.
He is also back to spending his day in bed again, most days hes only up for 4 or 5 hrs, before he back in bed again, and hes sleeping as well.
When I go in, I make him a cup of tea first, and then wake him up, and get him to sit up, but as soon as I go out the room, he falls straight back to sleep.sitting up.
Even when he is awake, we get no conversation out of him,he will answer you,but then he back to staring out the window. I am running out of things to talk about too!
Love, Helen
Thanks for the invite caringsister, been over and its great.........and for your lovely words xxx
Martha,
the button switch you talk about, Its the appetite button thats giving me problems at the moment.
He seems to go for weeks eating everything you put in front of him, to eating nothing. I keep throwing food away that he hasnt touched.
He is back to going to his little pub at night and having 2pints of beer, so I know that could take his appetite away.
He is also back to spending his day in bed again, most days hes only up for 4 or 5 hrs, before he back in bed again, and hes sleeping as well.
When I go in, I make him a cup of tea first, and then wake him up, and get him to sit up, but as soon as I go out the room, he falls straight back to sleep.sitting up.
Even when he is awake, we get no conversation out of him,he will answer you,but then he back to staring out the window. I am running out of things to talk about too!
Love, Helen
polina
02-20-2009, 11:44 AM
Its true Helen the dialogue of conversation we hold now with our loved ones is very LIMITED and very SIMPLE. Less is better!! Mom has retreated to sitting by the window in her room. She is lucky she has avery peaceful and calming view to look at everyday. She has a big picture window that overlooks woods and a skyline view . It must have a very calming effect for her. Sometimes when I walk in the room it takes her awhile to even realize I am present. Then when I do speak it takes her awhile to respond. I can see her trying to put together in her head WHO I am and WHAT I just said??? I just stand there very patiently and wait for it to all come together for her. Everything is done is slow motion these days.
Love, Pauline
Love, Pauline
lookingafterdad
02-20-2009, 12:04 PM
Re Emotions;
Justcome back from dads, and to be honest, I gave up today trying to make conversation.
He was in bed asleep as usual, woke him up with a cup of tea.
Got the usual greeting of" hey up gel, didnt know you was here" then eyes shut, and back to sleep..
Went in bedroom at least 6 times trying to make conversation with him. Its like he cant be bothered, and dosnt want to know.
I made his tea, and left it on his bedside table and came home..am I mean?
Love, Helen
Justcome back from dads, and to be honest, I gave up today trying to make conversation.
He was in bed asleep as usual, woke him up with a cup of tea.
Got the usual greeting of" hey up gel, didnt know you was here" then eyes shut, and back to sleep..
Went in bedroom at least 6 times trying to make conversation with him. Its like he cant be bothered, and dosnt want to know.
I made his tea, and left it on his bedside table and came home..am I mean?
Love, Helen
petal*pusher
02-20-2009, 12:53 PM
Oh Helen...you're not mean.......just a very caring daughter trying so hard to get back the father she needs and remembers so well.
I'm so sorry...he'll never ever go back to how he was before. It sounds like he still recognizes you, right? I am also surprized he's still able to go out at night...must be an old pattern in his life that still seems familiar.
Keep sharing here...expressing concerns and challenges somehow helps...we're here for you.......Pam;)
I'm so sorry...he'll never ever go back to how he was before. It sounds like he still recognizes you, right? I am also surprized he's still able to go out at night...must be an old pattern in his life that still seems familiar.
Keep sharing here...expressing concerns and challenges somehow helps...we're here for you.......Pam;)
lookingafterdad
02-20-2009, 02:27 PM
Re; Emotions
Hi Pam, Yes dad still recognizes me at the moment........
As for his going to the pub still......you could say its an old pattern, he has done this
every night for as far back as I can remember..we have always had to share dad with the pub.
The only time he didnt go, was when he first came out of hospital last month, and I think he had forgot about it.
Some days it just gets me thinking, why do I bother,he dosnt seem to care if I am there or not.
Then I sit back and think, hes still my dad in there somewhere!
Oh well thats my moan for the day
Love, Helen
Hi Pam, Yes dad still recognizes me at the moment........
As for his going to the pub still......you could say its an old pattern, he has done this
every night for as far back as I can remember..we have always had to share dad with the pub.
The only time he didnt go, was when he first came out of hospital last month, and I think he had forgot about it.
Some days it just gets me thinking, why do I bother,he dosnt seem to care if I am there or not.
Then I sit back and think, hes still my dad in there somewhere!
Oh well thats my moan for the day
Love, Helen
polina
02-20-2009, 08:24 PM
Helen I was thinking about the comment you made: He's still my Dad in there somewhere.
You are so right on that. Some many days when I come in from work and find Mom barely with it in her recliner. I will go over near her to say Hello, but then for a quick split second I think to myself why bother It really doesn't seem to matter to her if I am here or not for her. My dad has made a comment lately that I am starting to believe. He often says: "Mom doesn't really care if she lives or dies anymore". I can see it now myself. I think she is bginning to give up the long hard struggle of trying to live. she is just so sick. It really doesn't matter to her anymore. She spends most of her day blocking out the world around her. Its a very long slow decline to death.
Love, Pauline
You are so right on that. Some many days when I come in from work and find Mom barely with it in her recliner. I will go over near her to say Hello, but then for a quick split second I think to myself why bother It really doesn't seem to matter to her if I am here or not for her. My dad has made a comment lately that I am starting to believe. He often says: "Mom doesn't really care if she lives or dies anymore". I can see it now myself. I think she is bginning to give up the long hard struggle of trying to live. she is just so sick. It really doesn't matter to her anymore. She spends most of her day blocking out the world around her. Its a very long slow decline to death.
Love, Pauline
DGabriel10
02-20-2009, 11:39 PM
Helen, is your Dad still on pain meds for his surgery? That could explain his sleepiness. And some do retreat into sleep. My dad is in bed no later than 9 PM, usually by 8 PM and you have to wake him up at 10:30 AM so he can make it to his 11:30 lunch time. He sleeps most of his afternoon away and eats again t 5:30. He sundowns for a couple of hours and then goes to bed. His body and his mind is so worn out. I see the day coming when he doesn't get up. My only prayers is that the time he is down, before he goes, is not long.
In no way was what you did mean. It was what you needed to do on that day. You are a wonderful daughter and care for your Dad. At that moment in time he was happy and you needed the time to reenergize yourself.
As for the conversation, I am dealing with that from Mom. She has always been able to carry on a phone conversation until recently and now it comes and goes. There are times we just sit in silence because I run out of things to say. Once she even ask me if that was all I had to say and hung up on me. Yes, I did laugh at that.
But today she was full of her story to tell. There was one of the residents at her table that has false teeth. For some unknown reason he decided to take them out during dinner. He cleared a place in the middle of his plate and put the teeth in the middle of his dinner plate. Then he proceeded to eat all of his food from around the teeth.... I wish you could have heard my Mom laughing. I have not heard that kind of laughter from her in days and days. It was so refreshing. in the moment we were both laughing. Oh, we did the same thing 5 minutes later and 10 minutes after that hehe But at least it was a funny story!!!!
I just wonder what tomorrow will bring. Whe was quiet one day, more quiet the next, in massive melt down, then angry at sister 4, the just ok, the better than ok, then laughing, .... that is the cycle. I just hang on to the laughter as long as I can.
Love, ded
In no way was what you did mean. It was what you needed to do on that day. You are a wonderful daughter and care for your Dad. At that moment in time he was happy and you needed the time to reenergize yourself.
As for the conversation, I am dealing with that from Mom. She has always been able to carry on a phone conversation until recently and now it comes and goes. There are times we just sit in silence because I run out of things to say. Once she even ask me if that was all I had to say and hung up on me. Yes, I did laugh at that.
But today she was full of her story to tell. There was one of the residents at her table that has false teeth. For some unknown reason he decided to take them out during dinner. He cleared a place in the middle of his plate and put the teeth in the middle of his dinner plate. Then he proceeded to eat all of his food from around the teeth.... I wish you could have heard my Mom laughing. I have not heard that kind of laughter from her in days and days. It was so refreshing. in the moment we were both laughing. Oh, we did the same thing 5 minutes later and 10 minutes after that hehe But at least it was a funny story!!!!
I just wonder what tomorrow will bring. Whe was quiet one day, more quiet the next, in massive melt down, then angry at sister 4, the just ok, the better than ok, then laughing, .... that is the cycle. I just hang on to the laughter as long as I can.
Love, ded
Drews Gram
02-21-2009, 09:33 AM
I've been reading everyones posts on this thread and getting more upset as I read. Mom has been like this for some time now. I guess I didn't want to face this part of her disease. DENIAL!!! Crazy isn't it? I don't deny other things about Moms dementia but this bothers me. I think, no I know, its because Mom was always so passionate about everything that happened in our lives. She was so involved and caring. Now she seems to be void of any feelings except what pertains to her. Of course we don't tell Mom any thing about our lives because she can't relate or doesn't respond at all. Heartbreaking........My sister has a son who is an addict. This boy, no he's a man now, is in trouble more often than not. By trouble I mean losing jobs, no money, going to one rehab after another. Its costing my sister thousands and thousands trying to help. Angers me because he is killing brain cells that Mom is losing everyday through no fault of hers and he's doing it on purpose. We love him but I no longer put up with him. He's not allowed here any longer. He's a source of pain for the entire family. Thank God Mom has forgotten what he has become. So therfore she doesn't see sisters pain when he goes missing. Life is hard when you love and lose. I'm not sure why I told you all about my nephew now when I've never mentioned him before. I suppose its because Mom is having a hard time now and my nephew has lost another very good job. Also when my sister hurts.......I hurt. Enough talk of him.
I know she can't be Mom anymore. You know what I mean. My Mom. The longer this goes on the more I miss my Mom. I'm so sorry for everyone here. This part of losing our LO's is so very hard. Its just the worst. These women and men were the center of our worlds and we're losing them inch by inch. I know all of the "facts" about this disease and I try to face them head on. This one is taking me longer to accept. But I will. We have no choice do we?
I'm going to Moms today yet again. Pray for her my friends. She is so confused right now. I'm wondering if we made a mistake moving her. I know it will take time but she seems to be getting worse. I've ask for a UTI test.
Love to all, Chris
I know she can't be Mom anymore. You know what I mean. My Mom. The longer this goes on the more I miss my Mom. I'm so sorry for everyone here. This part of losing our LO's is so very hard. Its just the worst. These women and men were the center of our worlds and we're losing them inch by inch. I know all of the "facts" about this disease and I try to face them head on. This one is taking me longer to accept. But I will. We have no choice do we?
I'm going to Moms today yet again. Pray for her my friends. She is so confused right now. I'm wondering if we made a mistake moving her. I know it will take time but she seems to be getting worse. I've ask for a UTI test.
Love to all, Chris
Martha H
02-21-2009, 10:23 AM
Sorry about your nephew. One of these days, when he really wants to turn his life around, he will do it.
Yes, this emotional roller coaster is the worst part. The person who was our best friend and confidante is now lost in her own crazy world. Some ignore you, some forget you, worst of all, some lash out at the one person who is caring for them.
That's why I think this disease is the worst for caregivers. In physical diseases the pain is worse, but the person remains themselves.
Love,
Martha
Yes, this emotional roller coaster is the worst part. The person who was our best friend and confidante is now lost in her own crazy world. Some ignore you, some forget you, worst of all, some lash out at the one person who is caring for them.
That's why I think this disease is the worst for caregivers. In physical diseases the pain is worse, but the person remains themselves.
Love,
Martha
polina
02-21-2009, 10:47 AM
Martha
I was giving some thought to what you just wrote: In physical diseases the pain is worse, but the person remains themselves.
This may sound terrible BUT somedays I have felt why can't mom just have gotten cancer and died quickly from it. This is a slow death that is so hard on everyone involved. The caregivers/the person themselves. Seeing mom struggling everyday is just so heartbreaking.
Love pauline
I was giving some thought to what you just wrote: In physical diseases the pain is worse, but the person remains themselves.
This may sound terrible BUT somedays I have felt why can't mom just have gotten cancer and died quickly from it. This is a slow death that is so hard on everyone involved. The caregivers/the person themselves. Seeing mom struggling everyday is just so heartbreaking.
Love pauline
petal*pusher
02-21-2009, 10:50 AM
Chris...Martha said exactly what I would have...but I just wanted to respond and let you know you're in my thoughts.
Nothing in our lives have prepared us for the challenges this disease forces upon us...hang in there, Sweetie..........we're here for ya!......Pam;)
Nothing in our lives have prepared us for the challenges this disease forces upon us...hang in there, Sweetie..........we're here for ya!......Pam;)
polina
02-21-2009, 12:05 PM
Chris
It is so hard to come to terms with realizing that OUR MOM the one person that cared for you and about you has lost that ability to show those feelings now. I know in my heart somewhere mom still has those feelings for me. I can tell somedays just by the way she will lookmat me when I am giving her her meds or helping her with something she will look up at me with this look in her eyes and say "thank you". So I know she still feels something somedays but just cannot express it any further. I let her know its ok. She is doing the best that she can and leave it at that.
I hope today is a better day for your Mom in her new enviroment. It is so hard. Everyday we are learning so much about this disease. It is certainly an emotional learning process.
Love pauline
It is so hard to come to terms with realizing that OUR MOM the one person that cared for you and about you has lost that ability to show those feelings now. I know in my heart somewhere mom still has those feelings for me. I can tell somedays just by the way she will lookmat me when I am giving her her meds or helping her with something she will look up at me with this look in her eyes and say "thank you". So I know she still feels something somedays but just cannot express it any further. I let her know its ok. She is doing the best that she can and leave it at that.
I hope today is a better day for your Mom in her new enviroment. It is so hard. Everyday we are learning so much about this disease. It is certainly an emotional learning process.
Love pauline
DGabriel10
02-21-2009, 02:19 PM
Chris, I am so sorry about your nephew. My best friend went through this with her son. If it gives you any hope, after 8 years of not knowing whether he would come home or not, he has been clean and sober for almost three years now and is working for the facility that finally turned his life around. It is possible but it is so difficult for everybody.
I have heard my Mom say many times, give me cancer again but don't give me ALZ. She knew what the disease does to the patient and the caregivers. She didn't want this for herself or for us. Now she is there and she has lost everything but the fear for herself.... and is not sure where that is coming from because she doesn't know what is wrong with her. How so very sad for us all. I would so love to have my parents back...
Love, deb
I have heard my Mom say many times, give me cancer again but don't give me ALZ. She knew what the disease does to the patient and the caregivers. She didn't want this for herself or for us. Now she is there and she has lost everything but the fear for herself.... and is not sure where that is coming from because she doesn't know what is wrong with her. How so very sad for us all. I would so love to have my parents back...
Love, deb
lookingafterdad
02-21-2009, 03:53 PM
Re; Emotions
Sorry for delay in posting back to everyone, been in A & E most of the afternoon, as dad had another fall and was complaining of pain in his other hip....so off we went in ambulance to get it x-rayed.
Thankfully, he was ok, and no breaks this time, But he did say the state of dads hip is shocking, and needs replaceing.....He has only been out of hospital 5 weeks after having his righ hip replaced, now his left hip needs doing.
I did mention the the doctor about how dad is sleeping, and he confirmed it down to his vascular dementia.
Pauline, just read your post, and I think thats what dad is doing when you say " Blocking the world out"
Dad didnt even get up to go for his pint again last night, just stayed in bed...and slept....
Ded, Dad is only on Paracetamol for his pain,
Most of the time I am at dads, he asleep in bed, and me in front room staring at walls, or making his tea, if I go in bedroom, he dosnt want to stay awake to talk to me.
Or if I try to make conversation, all I get is "yes or no".......
and that has to be a special moment to have heard your mum laugh, what I wouldnt give to hear dad laugh...treasure your moments ded........
Chris,
Sorry to read what you also dealing with, and I can imagine the anger you feeling over your nephew killing his brain cells, knowing what is happening to your mum, and I think every one would feel the same.
I try and tell my brother that so and so is down to dads condition, but I say he is pig headed and in denial.
My prayers go out to you and your Chris....and everyones loved ones going through this horrible time
Love, Helen
Sorry for delay in posting back to everyone, been in A & E most of the afternoon, as dad had another fall and was complaining of pain in his other hip....so off we went in ambulance to get it x-rayed.
Thankfully, he was ok, and no breaks this time, But he did say the state of dads hip is shocking, and needs replaceing.....He has only been out of hospital 5 weeks after having his righ hip replaced, now his left hip needs doing.
I did mention the the doctor about how dad is sleeping, and he confirmed it down to his vascular dementia.
Pauline, just read your post, and I think thats what dad is doing when you say " Blocking the world out"
Dad didnt even get up to go for his pint again last night, just stayed in bed...and slept....
Ded, Dad is only on Paracetamol for his pain,
Most of the time I am at dads, he asleep in bed, and me in front room staring at walls, or making his tea, if I go in bedroom, he dosnt want to stay awake to talk to me.
Or if I try to make conversation, all I get is "yes or no".......
and that has to be a special moment to have heard your mum laugh, what I wouldnt give to hear dad laugh...treasure your moments ded........
Chris,
Sorry to read what you also dealing with, and I can imagine the anger you feeling over your nephew killing his brain cells, knowing what is happening to your mum, and I think every one would feel the same.
I try and tell my brother that so and so is down to dads condition, but I say he is pig headed and in denial.
My prayers go out to you and your Chris....and everyones loved ones going through this horrible time
Love, Helen