dreams in neon
02-25-2009, 03:50 AM
Hi everyone,
Tonight I had a conversation with my sister over the phone and she asked me if I was rapid cycling. I told her no, but she pointed out the fact that I was talking rapidly to the point where I couldn't be interrupted. She also said that I went from topic to topic talking over her without addressing anything she said. Earlier today in therapy my tdoc asked me why I was fidgeting and if I was nervous about something. He told me I was wringing my hands which I wasn't even aware I was doing. This afternoon I could feel the Clonazepam I took yesterday start to wear off, so now I'm wondering if what I'm feeling is a result of this med losing its initial potency or if I'm hypomanic? I do feel pretty good right now. I've been up all night and do not feel tired, but part of that may be due to the fact that I'm coming down with a cold. How do I tell the difference between feeling level vs. being hypomanic? I could take a dose of Clonazepam to calm myself down, but would rather not because I love how I'm feeling right now. I feel content, very happy, confident and as if I can do 10 things at once. Just a little while ago I was planning Wedesday's activities inside my head and would like to take Tigger for a 2 hour walk, go to the grocery store, the bank, drugstore, take Tigger to the vet to have her nails trimmed as well as a bath and enjoy my favorite meal at a local restaurant. I'm also experiencing some racing thoughts although they aren't as severe as they are when I'm manic. I'm thinking about calling my pdoc to have him explain exactly what I should be feeling when hypomanic because I'm not even sure I can tell the difference. Does it sound to you like I'm hypomanic or could the way I'm feeling simply be the result of the Clonazepam wearing
off?
Tonight I had a conversation with my sister over the phone and she asked me if I was rapid cycling. I told her no, but she pointed out the fact that I was talking rapidly to the point where I couldn't be interrupted. She also said that I went from topic to topic talking over her without addressing anything she said. Earlier today in therapy my tdoc asked me why I was fidgeting and if I was nervous about something. He told me I was wringing my hands which I wasn't even aware I was doing. This afternoon I could feel the Clonazepam I took yesterday start to wear off, so now I'm wondering if what I'm feeling is a result of this med losing its initial potency or if I'm hypomanic? I do feel pretty good right now. I've been up all night and do not feel tired, but part of that may be due to the fact that I'm coming down with a cold. How do I tell the difference between feeling level vs. being hypomanic? I could take a dose of Clonazepam to calm myself down, but would rather not because I love how I'm feeling right now. I feel content, very happy, confident and as if I can do 10 things at once. Just a little while ago I was planning Wedesday's activities inside my head and would like to take Tigger for a 2 hour walk, go to the grocery store, the bank, drugstore, take Tigger to the vet to have her nails trimmed as well as a bath and enjoy my favorite meal at a local restaurant. I'm also experiencing some racing thoughts although they aren't as severe as they are when I'm manic. I'm thinking about calling my pdoc to have him explain exactly what I should be feeling when hypomanic because I'm not even sure I can tell the difference. Does it sound to you like I'm hypomanic or could the way I'm feeling simply be the result of the Clonazepam wearing
off?
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Dee-nah
02-25-2009, 11:57 AM
Sounds to my like Hypomania... Can you keep up with your thoughts? I know when I get confused about how I am feeling my focus goes on my thoughts and if I can keep up with them (don't know if that makes sense). If I can't keep up with them I know I'm hypomania and if I could it was Dee-nah just being in a GOOD MOOD ;)
dreams in neon
02-25-2009, 02:40 PM
*sigh* I give up. My sister told me that she paid for my Clonazepam when she went to the pharmacy to pick it up because my insurance wouldn't cover it. Now my pdoc's office told me that I need to get a list of meds from my insurance company that they will approve. I'm so tired. I can't deal with this. I don't care anymore. I'm tired of being manic. I'm tired of being depressed. I'm tired of meds. I'm tired of bipolar. I'm tired of rapid cycling. It doesn't help that my insurance expires at the end of the month. I don't have the strength for this anymore. I really don't. I just want to hide under the covers and give up. I hate this damn disease. I hate it!
Right now I'm going to take the higher PRN dosage of my Trazodone so I can sleep the day away because I'm afraid that if I don't, I'll end up SH'ing.
I can't take all of these mood swings already. Why can't God give me a break??? Can't I have a WEEK without rapid cycling or being manic??? I guess that's too much to ask. I'm off to bed.
Right now I'm going to take the higher PRN dosage of my Trazodone so I can sleep the day away because I'm afraid that if I don't, I'll end up SH'ing.
I can't take all of these mood swings already. Why can't God give me a break??? Can't I have a WEEK without rapid cycling or being manic??? I guess that's too much to ask. I'm off to bed.
dreams in neon
02-25-2009, 03:48 PM
My pdoc called me back. I must really be confused because I told him that I wanted to increase my Depakote to 1500mg/day, but that's what I'm already taking. Nothing is making sense to me today. I've been taking meds for so long and my meds have been changed so often as of late that I don't even know what I'm taking. I just take them every morning, noon and night and don't even think about their dosage anymore. My pdoc had to calculate my mgs and dosage so that I could understand that I was already taking the second highest dose of Depakote. (Fortunately, he was patient.) In regards to the Clonazepam, I've decided to pay for this med out of pocket. It will cost $41/month, but Medicaid doesn't cover it even with a pre-authorization from my pdoc's office.
katlin09
02-25-2009, 09:42 PM
Dreams,
GF, I'm sorry your having this really rough time. I know it sucks and I mean really really sucks. I'd like to climb under the covers to and just give up. I'm so down I don't really even know what to say, i can't go for more than 10 min. without exploding into tears. Losing my job and subsequently my insurance in a month, has just crushed my world.
Why does it seem like you and I go through these totaly awful times together? Are we twins that were switched at birth? I'm with you though I hate this damn disease more than I've ever hated anything or anyone in my life and I'm so sick and tired of having to deal with it every day of my life.
I'll check in on you a bit later.
kat
GF, I'm sorry your having this really rough time. I know it sucks and I mean really really sucks. I'd like to climb under the covers to and just give up. I'm so down I don't really even know what to say, i can't go for more than 10 min. without exploding into tears. Losing my job and subsequently my insurance in a month, has just crushed my world.
Why does it seem like you and I go through these totaly awful times together? Are we twins that were switched at birth? I'm with you though I hate this damn disease more than I've ever hated anything or anyone in my life and I'm so sick and tired of having to deal with it every day of my life.
I'll check in on you a bit later.
kat
seaturtle
02-25-2009, 11:41 PM
Hi, friends,
You both have had more than your share recently.
kat - I can't imagine how depressing and frightening, disorienting the loss of your job and insurance is. Added to all the other stressors you've been through, time after time, I think you are doing well just to make your way through day by day. I wish I had some solution for you. My heart does go out to you.
neondreams - Yes, you're sick of it, of course. Your med changes alone would drive me nutz (well, more nutz). Did you only take the Klonopin that one time? (sp?) Give it some time - you're working on the rapid cycling, and (if I'm right) just began this med.
Both of you, hugs and hugs, and I only can say I am here to listen and try to help. I would say "have patience", but it's gone beyond that for you guys. "Endure" would be more like it - not that is not what you've been doing.
Sending all good thoughts and support,
Seaturtle
You both have had more than your share recently.
kat - I can't imagine how depressing and frightening, disorienting the loss of your job and insurance is. Added to all the other stressors you've been through, time after time, I think you are doing well just to make your way through day by day. I wish I had some solution for you. My heart does go out to you.
neondreams - Yes, you're sick of it, of course. Your med changes alone would drive me nutz (well, more nutz). Did you only take the Klonopin that one time? (sp?) Give it some time - you're working on the rapid cycling, and (if I'm right) just began this med.
Both of you, hugs and hugs, and I only can say I am here to listen and try to help. I would say "have patience", but it's gone beyond that for you guys. "Endure" would be more like it - not that is not what you've been doing.
Sending all good thoughts and support,
Seaturtle
katlin09
02-26-2009, 01:28 AM
Seaturtle,
Thanks for your kind words of compassion. Actually these days I'm not even making it through the motion, I can barely get out of bed. I did mange to the Glaxo and Bristol Myers websites to sign up for free or reduced cost meds. also went to the walmart site and made a list of psych drugs that they carry for $4, that might be able to replace what I'm on now. Filed for unemployment, called someone about disability, have to call them back tomorrow. So I guess I've been semi productive from my bed. I'll have to change from the Lamictal and Abilify though, they are just way to expensive without insurance.
I'm glad to see your back on he boards, we missed you.
kat
Thanks for your kind words of compassion. Actually these days I'm not even making it through the motion, I can barely get out of bed. I did mange to the Glaxo and Bristol Myers websites to sign up for free or reduced cost meds. also went to the walmart site and made a list of psych drugs that they carry for $4, that might be able to replace what I'm on now. Filed for unemployment, called someone about disability, have to call them back tomorrow. So I guess I've been semi productive from my bed. I'll have to change from the Lamictal and Abilify though, they are just way to expensive without insurance.
I'm glad to see your back on he boards, we missed you.
kat
seaturtle
02-26-2009, 10:06 PM
Hey, kat,
You did a whole lot today, even if it was from your bed.
All that filing and searching for med help is draining. Give yourself a pat on the back for acting on your own behalf.
Is it the depression that makes you stay in bed, or the physical pain - or (probably) both?
Is your son still with you? How is that going?
Gawd, woman, I think you are oing super well under the circumstances. Your life has just crashed in on you recently, and the fact that you are still coherent and able to seek out the help you need is a wonderment to me.
Friend, don't expect too much of yourself right now. Just do what you have do, maybe do the absolute minimum, get rest if you can, eat if you can, and for sure, you can count on me for whatever I can do.
I will be thinking of you and checking on you. You're really doing well, though it may not seem that way.
Huge hugs,
Seaturtle
You did a whole lot today, even if it was from your bed.
All that filing and searching for med help is draining. Give yourself a pat on the back for acting on your own behalf.
Is it the depression that makes you stay in bed, or the physical pain - or (probably) both?
Is your son still with you? How is that going?
Gawd, woman, I think you are oing super well under the circumstances. Your life has just crashed in on you recently, and the fact that you are still coherent and able to seek out the help you need is a wonderment to me.
Friend, don't expect too much of yourself right now. Just do what you have do, maybe do the absolute minimum, get rest if you can, eat if you can, and for sure, you can count on me for whatever I can do.
I will be thinking of you and checking on you. You're really doing well, though it may not seem that way.
Huge hugs,
Seaturtle
katlin09
02-27-2009, 12:08 AM
Seaturtle,
I pretty much stay in bed becaus the depession is getting so bad I can't really manage to do anything but stay here and cycle between severe depression, thoughts of suicide. Yes Nick is stil with me, I would never let him go back to his alcoholic abusive manor on my 10 yr. old son. Thougts of him are what keep me from competing suicide.
I am so scared and I don't know what to do. I only got 4 months severance and after that I don't know what I'll do. Finding another job with all of my medical and mental problems will make it impossible. Having to take time off to go to dr's and therapy will get me fired in the fired in the first month. I just don't understand why I was fired and it's drivin me crazy. Why does all of this bad stuff keeping happening to me, am I really that bad of a person?
kat
I pretty much stay in bed becaus the depession is getting so bad I can't really manage to do anything but stay here and cycle between severe depression, thoughts of suicide. Yes Nick is stil with me, I would never let him go back to his alcoholic abusive manor on my 10 yr. old son. Thougts of him are what keep me from competing suicide.
I am so scared and I don't know what to do. I only got 4 months severance and after that I don't know what I'll do. Finding another job with all of my medical and mental problems will make it impossible. Having to take time off to go to dr's and therapy will get me fired in the fired in the first month. I just don't understand why I was fired and it's drivin me crazy. Why does all of this bad stuff keeping happening to me, am I really that bad of a person?
kat
dreams in neon
02-27-2009, 04:30 AM
Kat and Seaturtle,
I ended up taking a Clonazepam yesterday and sleeping for most of the day. I just woke up and am feeling level again. It's almost 2:30 in the morning, but that's okay. I'm going to stay up for another half-hour and try to get back to sleep again at 3am. Seaturtle, you are correct that the Clonazepam is a new med. I just started taking it 3 days ago. It worked really well yesterday. 20 minutes after taking it I felt calmer, but decided to go to sleep just because I was so emotionally exhausted. I spoke to my pdoc by phone a day ago and he said I'm hypomanic. My next appointment with him is on Monday. If I continue to rapid cycle, I will let him know so that we can make some additional med adjustments. Hopefully though, that won't be the case. By the way, I'm also going to ask my tdoc when I see him next week if we can work on DBT to help control my cycling. Kat, hang in there! It seems that you and I are always going through something together, doesn't it? I really am beginning to wonder if we aren't twins. Since I'm feeling level again, hopefully this will mean your depression lifts and that everything in your life starts to improve.
I ended up taking a Clonazepam yesterday and sleeping for most of the day. I just woke up and am feeling level again. It's almost 2:30 in the morning, but that's okay. I'm going to stay up for another half-hour and try to get back to sleep again at 3am. Seaturtle, you are correct that the Clonazepam is a new med. I just started taking it 3 days ago. It worked really well yesterday. 20 minutes after taking it I felt calmer, but decided to go to sleep just because I was so emotionally exhausted. I spoke to my pdoc by phone a day ago and he said I'm hypomanic. My next appointment with him is on Monday. If I continue to rapid cycle, I will let him know so that we can make some additional med adjustments. Hopefully though, that won't be the case. By the way, I'm also going to ask my tdoc when I see him next week if we can work on DBT to help control my cycling. Kat, hang in there! It seems that you and I are always going through something together, doesn't it? I really am beginning to wonder if we aren't twins. Since I'm feeling level again, hopefully this will mean your depression lifts and that everything in your life starts to improve.
Dbop
02-28-2009, 12:13 AM
Hey guys!
It seems as though some of you are having a real bad time with this rapid cycling situation, and feeling like you are at rock bottom. All I'll say is don't let it beat you. There is light at the end of the tunnel. You can get better.
It seems as though your medication combination is incorrect, and this is what is causing the rapid cycling. Finding the right medication can fix this. Its just luck of the draw I'm afraid.
About 2 years ago, I had the most extreme manic episode one could imagine. Psychosis, hullicinations, no sleep, rapid speech and a warped mind (I believed I had special powers). I would cycle through extreme happiness, excitement, tears and extreme aggression in the space of like 10 minutes. It was completely nuts. It lasted about a week, and then I was hospitalised for a month and diagnosed with Bipolar disorder - A very dark time in my life.
I was put on depakote and Olanzipine. I thought I'd never be the same again, and was embarrased and haunted by my previous behaviour, for many of the following months.
Luckily, the medication was spot on though, and I quickly stabilised. I had lost all my previous confidence and esteem though, and it took me a while to blend back into my life and feel normal again.
As the months passed, I was still stable, and I was gradually getting my confidence back. Feeling like the old me.
My PDoc said I could now start reducing medication. This was great news.
I gradually weened myself off the medication completely, and I have been med free and stable for a year now. My life is back to normal and I feel free from this disease. This is a true success story and the same could happen to you.
I won't lie and say that the memories are completely gone, as occassionally I do have nightmares about relapsing, and I'm occassionally worried about it happening again, but 99% of the time I'm positive, and the more time that passes, the more distant those memories become.
I got my life back, and became free from bipolar.
The human mind is so strong and powerful. An imbalance of brain chemicals is the cause of this, and the right medication can and will fix it.
Don't ever give up hope.
I hope my words can be inspirational to you.
All the best and good luck.
It seems as though some of you are having a real bad time with this rapid cycling situation, and feeling like you are at rock bottom. All I'll say is don't let it beat you. There is light at the end of the tunnel. You can get better.
It seems as though your medication combination is incorrect, and this is what is causing the rapid cycling. Finding the right medication can fix this. Its just luck of the draw I'm afraid.
About 2 years ago, I had the most extreme manic episode one could imagine. Psychosis, hullicinations, no sleep, rapid speech and a warped mind (I believed I had special powers). I would cycle through extreme happiness, excitement, tears and extreme aggression in the space of like 10 minutes. It was completely nuts. It lasted about a week, and then I was hospitalised for a month and diagnosed with Bipolar disorder - A very dark time in my life.
I was put on depakote and Olanzipine. I thought I'd never be the same again, and was embarrased and haunted by my previous behaviour, for many of the following months.
Luckily, the medication was spot on though, and I quickly stabilised. I had lost all my previous confidence and esteem though, and it took me a while to blend back into my life and feel normal again.
As the months passed, I was still stable, and I was gradually getting my confidence back. Feeling like the old me.
My PDoc said I could now start reducing medication. This was great news.
I gradually weened myself off the medication completely, and I have been med free and stable for a year now. My life is back to normal and I feel free from this disease. This is a true success story and the same could happen to you.
I won't lie and say that the memories are completely gone, as occassionally I do have nightmares about relapsing, and I'm occassionally worried about it happening again, but 99% of the time I'm positive, and the more time that passes, the more distant those memories become.
I got my life back, and became free from bipolar.
The human mind is so strong and powerful. An imbalance of brain chemicals is the cause of this, and the right medication can and will fix it.
Don't ever give up hope.
I hope my words can be inspirational to you.
All the best and good luck.
dreams in neon
02-28-2009, 02:16 AM
I don't think I could ever go off of meds completely. If truth be told, I'm afraid to after what I experienced during my first manic/psychotic episode. I heard over 20 different voices that spoke of death and dying, who tried to convince me that I was in h*ll and had died in an auto accident, who argued with and shouted at each other, who commented on everything I did and who tried to get me to harm myself by swallowing an entire bottle of Tylenol. I personally do not think I'm on the wrong med combo. As my pdoc and tdoc explained to me, rapid cycling is a biological response that I will always struggle with whether I'm on meds or not. Add to that my symptoms of auditory hallucinations, delusions and paranoia. Right now my pdoc is trying to get my rapid cycling down to once or twice/day. With the Clonazepam, I finally think that's possible. As for my other meds, I'm already on 1500mg Depakote and 20mg of Fluoxetine. I've been told this is a good med combo for treating mania and depression, so I want to hold out a little longer to see if it works. Besides, I've only been on Fluoxetine since January, so it may take another 2 weeks or so before I'm able to notice the full effects. I *don't* want to be overlymedicated to where I stop rapid cycling and am unable to feel anything. I'd rather rapid cycle and then take a Clonazepam 2-3x/day as needed whenever I feel myself start to cycle. My pdoc told me that my case of bipolar is considered "severe." I'm glad he was honest because the last thing I want is to have false hope that everything will be okay when the reality is that I will continue to struggle from time to time. Bipolar is a lifelong illness that requires meds and cannot be willed away by hope or wishful thinking.
dreams in neon
02-28-2009, 02:26 AM
Meds can reduce the symptoms of bipolar, but cannot eliminate them completely. Thinking otherwise is being unrealistic. If left untreated, bipolar can become worse as one ages leading to progressively severe manic episodes. The manic/psychotic episode I had in 2006 was bad enough. I can't imagine experiencing anything worse: auditory hallucinations, delusions, paranoia, extreme confusion, extreme irritability, mania and racing thoughts. Thanks to that manic episode, I now have 7 different types of paranoia I can't get over and must take an antipsychotic for. I also need to take an antipsychotic for fear of hearing voices during a manic episode (even though I've been hearing voices for the past 18 years. Both my pdoc and tdoc think I've had bipolar ever since 1991, but my manic/psychotic episode 3 years ago is what caused me to finally be diagnosed with the disorder even though I clearly showed symptoms back then.
katlin09
02-28-2009, 02:33 AM
Dreams,
I think that guy is in a whole different situation than you, he mentions cycling during weeks or months it seems. I don't think he understands that some people like you, for example, actually rapid cycle throughout the day sometimes several time an hour.
And as for going off meds? I don't think anyone should come on this board touting how going off meds is so great because if some people read that and took it seriously and stopped their meds it would be very harmful, if not deadly for them.
Myself for instance, if I stopped taking my meds: Lamictal, Cymbalta, Abilify, Bupar, Klonipin, Topamax and sometimes Seroquel for sleep issues...I would probably committ suicide in a matter of a week or so, that's how bad my Suicidal Depression is.
kat
I think that guy is in a whole different situation than you, he mentions cycling during weeks or months it seems. I don't think he understands that some people like you, for example, actually rapid cycle throughout the day sometimes several time an hour.
And as for going off meds? I don't think anyone should come on this board touting how going off meds is so great because if some people read that and took it seriously and stopped their meds it would be very harmful, if not deadly for them.
Myself for instance, if I stopped taking my meds: Lamictal, Cymbalta, Abilify, Bupar, Klonipin, Topamax and sometimes Seroquel for sleep issues...I would probably committ suicide in a matter of a week or so, that's how bad my Suicidal Depression is.
kat
dreams in neon
02-28-2009, 02:38 AM
Kat,
THANK YOU for your post. Someone needs to read it and realize just how serious bipolar really is. It's a dangerous illness and between 10-15% of people who are unmedicated commit suicide.
...and you're right. I don't think the previous poster understands rapid cycling. Rapid cycling from month to month is an entirely different ballgame than rapid cycling every hour or sometimes every minute like I do. My pdoc gave it to me straight last month. He said, "dreams, you're never going to be cured of rapid cycling. It's a biological chemical imbalance that will be with you for as long as you're bipolar. The best we can do is try and slow down your cycling to once or twice a day. Given the severity of your bipolar, I think it's unrealistic to expect anything more than that." I think he's right and I appreciate his honesty. At least he's not giving me some you-know-what story about how my bipolar can be treated if I just took my meds every day and thought positively. Sorry, but bipolar doesn't work that way. If it did, there would be no need for pdocs or tdocs.
THANK YOU for your post. Someone needs to read it and realize just how serious bipolar really is. It's a dangerous illness and between 10-15% of people who are unmedicated commit suicide.
...and you're right. I don't think the previous poster understands rapid cycling. Rapid cycling from month to month is an entirely different ballgame than rapid cycling every hour or sometimes every minute like I do. My pdoc gave it to me straight last month. He said, "dreams, you're never going to be cured of rapid cycling. It's a biological chemical imbalance that will be with you for as long as you're bipolar. The best we can do is try and slow down your cycling to once or twice a day. Given the severity of your bipolar, I think it's unrealistic to expect anything more than that." I think he's right and I appreciate his honesty. At least he's not giving me some you-know-what story about how my bipolar can be treated if I just took my meds every day and thought positively. Sorry, but bipolar doesn't work that way. If it did, there would be no need for pdocs or tdocs.
katlin09
02-28-2009, 04:46 PM
Dreams,
I realize that people don't mean to come on here and give advice that affects some people dangerously but somethings just have to be said, so people don't just read it and think, "hey I don't need these meds and I'll be great."
Personally I'd love it if I didn't have to take meds for the rest of my life to control this disease, but I know that's totally unrealistic and never going to happen.
kat
I realize that people don't mean to come on here and give advice that affects some people dangerously but somethings just have to be said, so people don't just read it and think, "hey I don't need these meds and I'll be great."
Personally I'd love it if I didn't have to take meds for the rest of my life to control this disease, but I know that's totally unrealistic and never going to happen.
kat
dreams in neon
02-28-2009, 06:00 PM
Kat,
I hear you. If truth be told, I'm afraid of going off of my meds for fear of what could happen. I remember all too well my manic/psychotic episode in 2006 and I certainly don't want to have a repeat performance.
I hear you. If truth be told, I'm afraid of going off of my meds for fear of what could happen. I remember all too well my manic/psychotic episode in 2006 and I certainly don't want to have a repeat performance.
Dbop
02-28-2009, 06:14 PM
Wow - I didn't expect such a hostile recpetion, to be honest. I was only trying to give some words of encouragement.
How could I not 'understand' rapid cycling, when I clearly mentioned that my episode involved extreme rapid cycling? So extreme that I was laughing one minute and crying the next.
I was diagnosed with Biploar, took my meds and fully stabilised. I was later told that they had 'made a mistake' and misdiagnosed me with biploar, but on the other hand, if I ever relapsed again, it would mean that I do indeed have Bipolar. So that really gives me peace of mind, not. Nice and proffessional huh? :confused: The reality is, they haven't got a clue what happened and can't explain it.
At no point did I advise or encourage anybody to stop taking medication, infact, I advised the complete opposite in another post. I am very much pro-med. I clearly stated that my Pdoc gave me permission to decrease my med dosage. It was my own decision to ween myself completely off the medication, as I felt it had done its job, and my gut feeling told me that I did not need them after the job was done, and I was correct. I had not relapsed since leaving hospital either, and I had been stable for nearly a year before I stopped taking the medication.
Without being rude, some people need to understand that some 'doctors' haven't got a friggin clue what they are doing, or talking about, when it comes to mental health issues like Bipolar. Some of them almost make it up as they go along, and experiment, since the ins and outs of this disease are still very much a mystery.
I could actually direct you to a documentary, on Biploar, where a professional doctor (who has bipolar) claims that medication is like the training wheels on a bike, meaning that once the job is done, and you are stablised, you don't need them anymore. This is a very controversial statement (even though this was correct for me) and proves the difference in opinion, from so called professionals.
Some people even tell me (those who don't believe in medication) that it was probably my mind that caused me to get better, and the meds were merely a placebo effect (kind of like when a person is given non-alcoholic beer, and told that its real beer, and they proceed to act drunk, thinking they are wasted because thet have been consuming alcohol). I have my doubts about this theory, but its not completely out of the question.
Medication is a business. If nobody took medication, then alot of companies would be out of business. My point being, that I think doctors should be seeking out new methods of healing Bipolar, rather than pumping people full of drugs.
I think I will have to repeat that 'I am in no way trying to encourage anybody to stop taking medication, especially if you are not stable.
I will stress the opposite and urge people to take their medication, and if its not stablising you, there is a problem with the dosage or combination.
The only controversial thing I will say is that doctors are most likely incorrect when they say that a life of minor rapid cycling is the best that you can hope for. This is a cop out, because they haven't found you the right medication, and have failed to solve the problems, because they don't know what to do.
I have heard of peope being cured of biploar by shock treatment.
Stephen Fry, a famous british comedian and presenter, is extremely succesfull and adored by the british public. He has had Biploar disorder since his teens, and has never took medication, ever. He has managed to live a succesfull and productive life, and has managed to control it himself. Everybody is different though.
Anyways, I don't want to upset anybody, when you clearly have enough on your plate anyway, so I think this will be my last post on this forum. I felt I needed to respond and defend what I had previously said.
Good luck to everybody and I hope you all get better :)
How could I not 'understand' rapid cycling, when I clearly mentioned that my episode involved extreme rapid cycling? So extreme that I was laughing one minute and crying the next.
I was diagnosed with Biploar, took my meds and fully stabilised. I was later told that they had 'made a mistake' and misdiagnosed me with biploar, but on the other hand, if I ever relapsed again, it would mean that I do indeed have Bipolar. So that really gives me peace of mind, not. Nice and proffessional huh? :confused: The reality is, they haven't got a clue what happened and can't explain it.
At no point did I advise or encourage anybody to stop taking medication, infact, I advised the complete opposite in another post. I am very much pro-med. I clearly stated that my Pdoc gave me permission to decrease my med dosage. It was my own decision to ween myself completely off the medication, as I felt it had done its job, and my gut feeling told me that I did not need them after the job was done, and I was correct. I had not relapsed since leaving hospital either, and I had been stable for nearly a year before I stopped taking the medication.
Without being rude, some people need to understand that some 'doctors' haven't got a friggin clue what they are doing, or talking about, when it comes to mental health issues like Bipolar. Some of them almost make it up as they go along, and experiment, since the ins and outs of this disease are still very much a mystery.
I could actually direct you to a documentary, on Biploar, where a professional doctor (who has bipolar) claims that medication is like the training wheels on a bike, meaning that once the job is done, and you are stablised, you don't need them anymore. This is a very controversial statement (even though this was correct for me) and proves the difference in opinion, from so called professionals.
Some people even tell me (those who don't believe in medication) that it was probably my mind that caused me to get better, and the meds were merely a placebo effect (kind of like when a person is given non-alcoholic beer, and told that its real beer, and they proceed to act drunk, thinking they are wasted because thet have been consuming alcohol). I have my doubts about this theory, but its not completely out of the question.
Medication is a business. If nobody took medication, then alot of companies would be out of business. My point being, that I think doctors should be seeking out new methods of healing Bipolar, rather than pumping people full of drugs.
I think I will have to repeat that 'I am in no way trying to encourage anybody to stop taking medication, especially if you are not stable.
I will stress the opposite and urge people to take their medication, and if its not stablising you, there is a problem with the dosage or combination.
The only controversial thing I will say is that doctors are most likely incorrect when they say that a life of minor rapid cycling is the best that you can hope for. This is a cop out, because they haven't found you the right medication, and have failed to solve the problems, because they don't know what to do.
I have heard of peope being cured of biploar by shock treatment.
Stephen Fry, a famous british comedian and presenter, is extremely succesfull and adored by the british public. He has had Biploar disorder since his teens, and has never took medication, ever. He has managed to live a succesfull and productive life, and has managed to control it himself. Everybody is different though.
Anyways, I don't want to upset anybody, when you clearly have enough on your plate anyway, so I think this will be my last post on this forum. I felt I needed to respond and defend what I had previously said.
Good luck to everybody and I hope you all get better :)
dreams in neon
02-28-2009, 07:23 PM
Excuse me, but my pdoc happens to specialize in atypical BP which is the type of BP that I have, so who are you to tell me what he knows or doesn't know? If you're interested, another licensed professional counselor I've known for a long time who is currently earning her Ph.D. told me the same thing -- rapid cycling is a biological response that *cannot* be corrected by meds. I don't care what you tell me, but I'm not going to be led to believe that I can be "cured" of rapid cycling because I know I can't. Let's be realistic here. Please stop trying to tell people that rapid cycling can be cured because it can't. Furthermore, you never experienced *consistent* rapid cycling from hour to hour and minute to minute. You may have experienced "extreme rapid cycling" from one emotion to another within 10 minutes, but that alone does not mean you understand what rapid cycling means for those of us who deal with it on a daily basis. Besides, if the only "episode" of rapid cycling you had was the one you described, there is no way you can truly understand the full impact rapid cycling has on someone whose moods change on an hourly or minute by minute basis.
dreams in neon
02-28-2009, 07:30 PM
I'm confused. If you "rapid cycled" during a psychotic episode from being manic to crying, why didn't they diagnose you as BP? In your first post, you said they diagnosed you with BP, but in your most recent post, you said they made a mistake. It doesn't sound like it to me. It sounds like you have BPI and experienced a manic/psychotic episode. If you don't have BP, then what do your doctors think you have? Schizoaffective disorder?
Dbop
02-28-2009, 07:38 PM
Hmmm, you are obviously not understanding what I have said.
I had one manic episode, and was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder. I was put on meds and told to take them everyday. I stablised instantly, and about 6 months later was told to reduce my intake. I kept reducing, and then was told that I had been misdiagnosed with Bipolar disorder, and was diagnosed with having a 'manic episode', but as I also said, they noted that if I ever did relapse again, then I would be diagnosed with Bipolar again.
My current diagnosis is 'nothing', but somewhere there is a note, that I had a 'manic episode' at one point in my life.
I had one manic episode, and was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder. I was put on meds and told to take them everyday. I stablised instantly, and about 6 months later was told to reduce my intake. I kept reducing, and then was told that I had been misdiagnosed with Bipolar disorder, and was diagnosed with having a 'manic episode', but as I also said, they noted that if I ever did relapse again, then I would be diagnosed with Bipolar again.
My current diagnosis is 'nothing', but somewhere there is a note, that I had a 'manic episode' at one point in my life.
dreams in neon
02-28-2009, 07:52 PM
Correct me if I'm wrong, but having bipolar disorder means having one or more manic episodes, does it not? You had one manic episode which was stabilized when on meds, so how could you be misdiagnosed as BP? You're right -- I'm not understanding you.
Dbop
02-28-2009, 08:07 PM
A single manic episode is substantial criteria, for a doctor to diagnose one with Bipolar disorder, as 80% of the time, the two are linked.
It is a fact that 20% of people who have had just one manic episode, never have another, and therefore, have no mental illness. Nobody can explain why either. My Pdoc certainly can't.
This is where you are getting confused anyways.
Having just one manic episode, does not mean you automatically have Bipolar disorder, apparently.
You'd have to ask my Pdoc, if you want to know why they decided to withdraw my diagnosis.
It is a fact that 20% of people who have had just one manic episode, never have another, and therefore, have no mental illness. Nobody can explain why either. My Pdoc certainly can't.
This is where you are getting confused anyways.
Having just one manic episode, does not mean you automatically have Bipolar disorder, apparently.
You'd have to ask my Pdoc, if you want to know why they decided to withdraw my diagnosis.
dreams in neon
02-28-2009, 08:16 PM
According to the DSM-4, only one manic episode is required for someone to be diagnosed as bipolar.
When I experienced my first manic/psychotic episode in 2006, I was diagnosed with BP even though it was the first documented manic episode I've ever had.
Furthermore, 90% of people who have a single manic episode go on to have another, more severe manic episode at some point in their lives.
When I experienced my first manic/psychotic episode in 2006, I was diagnosed with BP even though it was the first documented manic episode I've ever had.
Furthermore, 90% of people who have a single manic episode go on to have another, more severe manic episode at some point in their lives.
Dbop
02-28-2009, 08:34 PM
According to the DSM-4, only one manic episode is required for someone to be diagnosed as bipolar.
When I experienced my first manic/psychotic episode in 2006, I was diagnosed with BP even though it was the first documented manic episode I've ever had.
Furthermore, 90% of people who have a single manic episode go on to have another, more severe manic episode at some point in their lives.
Exactly! I just told you that! :cool:
It doesn't mean you have Bipolar though, it just means that one manic episode is enough to give you the diagnosis, and they are often wrong.
The facts on Biploar are limited. A lot of things are a guessing game, to both doctors and sufferers.
You seem to be cynical and relluctant to believe that my doctors have admitted that they misdiagnosed me with Bipolar disorder. Why is this? It happens all the time.
I have been stable for two years. The first year medicated, the second med free.
My diagnosis was cleared, because since the singular episode, I stablised quickly, and never showed even the slightest hint of a relapse. Absolutely nothing. Just recovery and confidence building. My life went back to normal. Apart from the single manic episode, what other evidence is there to say that I have Bipolar? Nothing. I am guessing that this is why they changed their minds.
Anyways, I feel healthy and great, and my life is back to the way it was, before the episode. I didn't come here to justify myself, I just passed through to give some words of support (which was an epic fail).
I don't have Bipolar, so technically, I have no reason to be here, so unless you have any other questions, I'll be on my way.
When I experienced my first manic/psychotic episode in 2006, I was diagnosed with BP even though it was the first documented manic episode I've ever had.
Furthermore, 90% of people who have a single manic episode go on to have another, more severe manic episode at some point in their lives.
Exactly! I just told you that! :cool:
It doesn't mean you have Bipolar though, it just means that one manic episode is enough to give you the diagnosis, and they are often wrong.
The facts on Biploar are limited. A lot of things are a guessing game, to both doctors and sufferers.
You seem to be cynical and relluctant to believe that my doctors have admitted that they misdiagnosed me with Bipolar disorder. Why is this? It happens all the time.
I have been stable for two years. The first year medicated, the second med free.
My diagnosis was cleared, because since the singular episode, I stablised quickly, and never showed even the slightest hint of a relapse. Absolutely nothing. Just recovery and confidence building. My life went back to normal. Apart from the single manic episode, what other evidence is there to say that I have Bipolar? Nothing. I am guessing that this is why they changed their minds.
Anyways, I feel healthy and great, and my life is back to the way it was, before the episode. I didn't come here to justify myself, I just passed through to give some words of support (which was an epic fail).
I don't have Bipolar, so technically, I have no reason to be here, so unless you have any other questions, I'll be on my way.
dreams in neon
02-28-2009, 09:32 PM
I was just about to ask you what you're doing on a BP message board if you don't have BP -- telling people that you've been "cured" of "rapid cycling" without meds? Good for you.
katlin09
02-28-2009, 09:54 PM
It's also not fair to say "that doctors are most likely incorrect ", your grouping all doctors in one large pot and saying every one of them are wrong??? Who does that? This board is meant for people with Bipolar Disorder and was not put here for people to come and argue with current members regarding their diagnoses, or the meds they take, or whether or not their Doctors are correct or incorrect. Some of us actually have a relationship with our Pdocs and we trust them and their diagnosis is very accurate. So it would be nice if you didn't try to stir up so much controversy regarding the subject of BiPolar, especially since according to yourself, you don't even have the disease, so you can't possibly know much about it.
Dbop
02-28-2009, 10:19 PM
I was just about to ask you what you're doing on a BP message board if you don't have BP -- telling people that you've been "cured" of "rapid cycling" without meds? Good for you.
I never said that at all. Stop twisting my words :nono:
I thought I clearly stated that meds stablised me? So when did I say that I was cured of 'rapid cycling' without meds?
It's also not fair to say "that doctors are most likely incorrect ", your grouping all doctors in one large pot and saying every one of them are wrong??? Who does that? This board is meant for people with Bipolar Disorder and was not put here for people to come and argue with current members regarding their diagnoses, or the meds they take, or whether or not their Doctors are correct or incorrect. Some of us actually have a relationship with our Pdocs and we trust them and their diagnosis is very accurate. So it would be nice if you didn't try to stir up so much controversy regarding the subject of BiPolar, especially since according to yourself, you don't even have the disease, so you can't possibly know much about it.
Firstly, according to my Pdoc, I don't have the disease anymore. My doctors made that decision, and confirmed what I was starting to realise anyways.
Secondly, how dare you try to imply that 'I can't possibly know much about it'. Astounding amounts of ignorance, on your part.
I was diagnosed with Bipolar, shipped off into a nut house, where I spent a month being pumped full of drugs, and for the next year I was told by doctors that I had bipolar disorder for life, and would be on medication for a long time, possibly forever. You seriously think that I didn't do any research on Bipolar during that time?
I probably know more about Bipolar disorder than you do.
I also know that a lot of doctors get a lot of things wrong. I also know that certain meds do more damage than good, which is why the right combination and brand is extremely important.
I also know that withdrawing myself from medication, after I was stablised, was the best decision I have ever made.
I also know that many people are misdiagnosed with Bipolar -
http:// forums.wrongdiagnosis.com/showthread.php?t=12087
I have been through it all. Hospitalised, medication, restrictions, shed tears, lost friends, lost my confidence, doubted my abilities and self worth, made my family cry, and stuck through the road to recovery. All because of the manic episode, and being told and believing that I had Bipolar Disorder.
Here is another fact -
A naturalistic study from first admission for mania or mixed episode (representing the hospitalized and therefore most severe cases) found that 50% achieved syndromal recovery (no longer meeting criteria for the diagnosis) within six weeks and 98% within two years. 72% achieved symptomatic recovery (no symptoms at all) and 43% achieved functional recovery (regaining of prior occupational and residential status). However, 40% went on to experience a new episode of mania or depression within 2 years of syndromal recovery, and 19% switched phases without recovery
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bipolar_disorder
Whoever is telling you that you can't fully control Bipolar and live a normal life is probably wrong.
I never said that at all. Stop twisting my words :nono:
I thought I clearly stated that meds stablised me? So when did I say that I was cured of 'rapid cycling' without meds?
It's also not fair to say "that doctors are most likely incorrect ", your grouping all doctors in one large pot and saying every one of them are wrong??? Who does that? This board is meant for people with Bipolar Disorder and was not put here for people to come and argue with current members regarding their diagnoses, or the meds they take, or whether or not their Doctors are correct or incorrect. Some of us actually have a relationship with our Pdocs and we trust them and their diagnosis is very accurate. So it would be nice if you didn't try to stir up so much controversy regarding the subject of BiPolar, especially since according to yourself, you don't even have the disease, so you can't possibly know much about it.
Firstly, according to my Pdoc, I don't have the disease anymore. My doctors made that decision, and confirmed what I was starting to realise anyways.
Secondly, how dare you try to imply that 'I can't possibly know much about it'. Astounding amounts of ignorance, on your part.
I was diagnosed with Bipolar, shipped off into a nut house, where I spent a month being pumped full of drugs, and for the next year I was told by doctors that I had bipolar disorder for life, and would be on medication for a long time, possibly forever. You seriously think that I didn't do any research on Bipolar during that time?
I probably know more about Bipolar disorder than you do.
I also know that a lot of doctors get a lot of things wrong. I also know that certain meds do more damage than good, which is why the right combination and brand is extremely important.
I also know that withdrawing myself from medication, after I was stablised, was the best decision I have ever made.
I also know that many people are misdiagnosed with Bipolar -
http:// forums.wrongdiagnosis.com/showthread.php?t=12087
I have been through it all. Hospitalised, medication, restrictions, shed tears, lost friends, lost my confidence, doubted my abilities and self worth, made my family cry, and stuck through the road to recovery. All because of the manic episode, and being told and believing that I had Bipolar Disorder.
Here is another fact -
A naturalistic study from first admission for mania or mixed episode (representing the hospitalized and therefore most severe cases) found that 50% achieved syndromal recovery (no longer meeting criteria for the diagnosis) within six weeks and 98% within two years. 72% achieved symptomatic recovery (no symptoms at all) and 43% achieved functional recovery (regaining of prior occupational and residential status). However, 40% went on to experience a new episode of mania or depression within 2 years of syndromal recovery, and 19% switched phases without recovery
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bipolar_disorder
Whoever is telling you that you can't fully control Bipolar and live a normal life is probably wrong.
dreams in neon
02-28-2009, 11:42 PM
Oh brother. I really need to leave this thread or else I'm going to say something I don't mean.
However, before I go, if most doctors are wrong, why did my pdoc accurately diagnose me with atypical BPI with ultradian rapid cycling after I went through 3 incorrect diagnoses since 1991? Must have been a shot in the dark on his part, hmmm?
Especially since he specializes in atypical BP.
However, before I go, if most doctors are wrong, why did my pdoc accurately diagnose me with atypical BPI with ultradian rapid cycling after I went through 3 incorrect diagnoses since 1991? Must have been a shot in the dark on his part, hmmm?
Especially since he specializes in atypical BP.
seaturtle
02-28-2009, 11:49 PM
Kat, dear,
No, I repeat, not a bad person, a person with a very difficult illness and major stressors recently that would throw anyone into depression. Your nervous system is exhausted.
Can you file for disability? Please consider that. At least you would have an income and help with food stamps and housing, and maybe some help for your son, too.
It is a taxing process, I know, but I think you pdoc would be willing to help you through it.
I am sorry the depression is so bad, so hard to cope with for you. And I hope the meds come in soon. Is there nothing your pdoc can find to help you out in the meantime - samples, medication vouchers from Welfare? I have gotten these in the past in emergency situations.
In my town, there are social workers at the hospital and local mental health agency who will take over when people cannot do things for themselves. Check that out, to. You really need someone to do for you right now.
I am solidly behind you, and anything I can do, as I've said, I will gladly do. Feel free to PM me.
Seaturtle
No, I repeat, not a bad person, a person with a very difficult illness and major stressors recently that would throw anyone into depression. Your nervous system is exhausted.
Can you file for disability? Please consider that. At least you would have an income and help with food stamps and housing, and maybe some help for your son, too.
It is a taxing process, I know, but I think you pdoc would be willing to help you through it.
I am sorry the depression is so bad, so hard to cope with for you. And I hope the meds come in soon. Is there nothing your pdoc can find to help you out in the meantime - samples, medication vouchers from Welfare? I have gotten these in the past in emergency situations.
In my town, there are social workers at the hospital and local mental health agency who will take over when people cannot do things for themselves. Check that out, to. You really need someone to do for you right now.
I am solidly behind you, and anything I can do, as I've said, I will gladly do. Feel free to PM me.
Seaturtle
dreams in neon
03-01-2009, 12:10 AM
On second thought, nevermind. I'm done debating this with you. If you want to risk the possibility of having a manic episode somewhere down the road without being medicated, be my guest. As a fellow person with BP, I'm only trying to look out for your best interest, but I guess that isn't good enough. Oh well. I tried.
katlin09
03-01-2009, 01:43 PM
I'm sure my pdoc will help me with the Disability paperwork and the samples. I've already emailed him a list of meds that Wallyworld has on their $4 list. So between now and the 23rd of March when my insurance stops I'll see him as much as possible to get the med change going, it will probably be Lithium and Paxil.
The welfare and food stamps, and public assistance part is very difficult for me, I'm not bragging, so please don't take this the wrong way, but I made
65K at my job and had excellent benefits, I have 2 college degrees and a Paralegal Certificate in the state of Texas. Going from a career and really great job to state assistance is really hard. But getting a job with all of my med and mental problems, I realize that is not going to be easy.
I've started working on an idea to offer Financial Planning and Money Management for a couple of the upscale Retirement Communities where I have contacts from my old job, but getting that setup and started takes a while, so I just have to hope I can make it on my severance until that get's started, if it does. My tdoc is great, she only charges me half once my insurance runs out, and the DBT Group tdoc is going to give me a discounted rate also. I've also been to the Official Drug websites and applied for their discount programs, of which there are quite a few.
On top of everything else I received a letter from my father today, the one who mole**** me as a child, and that just threw me further into the hole. Any contact from him, or just seeing his name on a letter, can get the SH/SI going really bad which complicates things all in itself.
Not being able to manage to get out of bed and go through the motions of the day also complicates the desire to get any work programs going. It feels like I'm on this hellish Merry Go Round and I'm super glued to the seat and there's no way to get off. At every turn there's something bad waiting for me, on and on and on.
Seaturtle, I thank you so much for your support and caring words. Without you and Dreams holding me up I think I would have fallen down and not have been able to get up a long time ago. I sincerely don't know what I would do without your support.
Kat
The welfare and food stamps, and public assistance part is very difficult for me, I'm not bragging, so please don't take this the wrong way, but I made
65K at my job and had excellent benefits, I have 2 college degrees and a Paralegal Certificate in the state of Texas. Going from a career and really great job to state assistance is really hard. But getting a job with all of my med and mental problems, I realize that is not going to be easy.
I've started working on an idea to offer Financial Planning and Money Management for a couple of the upscale Retirement Communities where I have contacts from my old job, but getting that setup and started takes a while, so I just have to hope I can make it on my severance until that get's started, if it does. My tdoc is great, she only charges me half once my insurance runs out, and the DBT Group tdoc is going to give me a discounted rate also. I've also been to the Official Drug websites and applied for their discount programs, of which there are quite a few.
On top of everything else I received a letter from my father today, the one who mole**** me as a child, and that just threw me further into the hole. Any contact from him, or just seeing his name on a letter, can get the SH/SI going really bad which complicates things all in itself.
Not being able to manage to get out of bed and go through the motions of the day also complicates the desire to get any work programs going. It feels like I'm on this hellish Merry Go Round and I'm super glued to the seat and there's no way to get off. At every turn there's something bad waiting for me, on and on and on.
Seaturtle, I thank you so much for your support and caring words. Without you and Dreams holding me up I think I would have fallen down and not have been able to get up a long time ago. I sincerely don't know what I would do without your support.
Kat