dreams in neon
02-28-2009, 07:11 PM
Hi everyone,
Someone on another message board told me that BP is an internal problem with the brain. That I can agree with, but here's where I'm confused. They also said that BP isn't immediately affected by the things around you or by your current thoughts. They gave the example of someone saying something to me that hurts my feelings and causes me to go into a depression, that is not BP making me depressed, it's something else. If that's true, then how come I rapid cycle so much in response to the things that happen to and around me? I'm so confused and am beginning to wonder if I don't have BP at all, but BPD (borderline personality disorder). I don't know -- perhaps I have both. I know none of you can diagnose me, but at this point, I'm terribly confused and don't understand *anything* that is happening to me.
Someone on another message board told me that BP is an internal problem with the brain. That I can agree with, but here's where I'm confused. They also said that BP isn't immediately affected by the things around you or by your current thoughts. They gave the example of someone saying something to me that hurts my feelings and causes me to go into a depression, that is not BP making me depressed, it's something else. If that's true, then how come I rapid cycle so much in response to the things that happen to and around me? I'm so confused and am beginning to wonder if I don't have BP at all, but BPD (borderline personality disorder). I don't know -- perhaps I have both. I know none of you can diagnose me, but at this point, I'm terribly confused and don't understand *anything* that is happening to me.
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dreams in neon
02-28-2009, 08:06 PM
No one has to respond to this post if they don't want to. I PM'd 2 people who told me that environmental factors and stress DO in fact have an impact on BP and rapid cycling (just as my pdoc and tdoc told me in the past). From now on, I'm avoiding this other message board like the plague. It's feeding me too much incorrect information from so-called "experts" who think they know what they're talking about, but don't.
katlin09
02-28-2009, 10:10 PM
Dreams,
I think it's a good idea to stay away from teh other board. You know that you have a good pdoc now, and you trust him and he has verified your DX. We all also know the BP is a chemical disorder in the brain and that things can "trigger" manic or depressed episodes. Don't let people confuse you or make you question your DX, your pdoc would have told you if you had BPD.
kat
I think it's a good idea to stay away from teh other board. You know that you have a good pdoc now, and you trust him and he has verified your DX. We all also know the BP is a chemical disorder in the brain and that things can "trigger" manic or depressed episodes. Don't let people confuse you or make you question your DX, your pdoc would have told you if you had BPD.
kat
Bunnylover
02-28-2009, 10:53 PM
It's always good to stay away from message boards, or real life people, who have a negative impact on you (a lesson I learned the hard way.) Keep talking to your pdoc about what's going on, ask your questions, and focus on your health.
seaturtle
02-28-2009, 11:31 PM
(((((neondreams))))))
From all you have posted here, I would vote for bp. You don't sound as if it's borderline at all. I am pretty sure that is what you have.
As for the other message, I would agree that you stay away. The people here know you and what you've been through, and I think we give solid advice. You are one of us. And some of the symptoms of borderline, as you know, are similar to bp.
Stay away from them, listen to your docs, and stay around.
And trust your own instincts.
I am easily triggered into depression or mania by many things: bright light, too much noise, a critical comment, a failure on my part (or so I see it), bad news, over-stimulation, or someone looking at me the wrong way. We are hyper-sensitive, and I think our moods are very easily triggered. You're not alone in this. Bp, like other brain disorders, are influenced by our emotions.
Try not to be swayed by what people tell you when they don't know what they're talking about.
I am sending you (((( ))))) and sure you are what you have been diagnosed as. After all, you were diagnosed schizo-affective, and you're not that, either.
Your friend,
Seaturtle
From all you have posted here, I would vote for bp. You don't sound as if it's borderline at all. I am pretty sure that is what you have.
As for the other message, I would agree that you stay away. The people here know you and what you've been through, and I think we give solid advice. You are one of us. And some of the symptoms of borderline, as you know, are similar to bp.
Stay away from them, listen to your docs, and stay around.
And trust your own instincts.
I am easily triggered into depression or mania by many things: bright light, too much noise, a critical comment, a failure on my part (or so I see it), bad news, over-stimulation, or someone looking at me the wrong way. We are hyper-sensitive, and I think our moods are very easily triggered. You're not alone in this. Bp, like other brain disorders, are influenced by our emotions.
Try not to be swayed by what people tell you when they don't know what they're talking about.
I am sending you (((( ))))) and sure you are what you have been diagnosed as. After all, you were diagnosed schizo-affective, and you're not that, either.
Your friend,
Seaturtle
dreams in neon
02-28-2009, 11:35 PM
Kat and Bunny,
I know you're right. I did have 3 pdocs dx me with BP and none of them ever mentioned BPD, so that should make me feel comfortable enough about my dx. Besides, I remember the first manic/psychotic episode I had in 2006 and it was most definitely a manic episode. At any rate, the people on this board were so callous to me. They called me manic, paranoid, "not BP" enough because I only experienced 5 manic epsiodes in 3 years. (I didn't know we were having a competition to see who could have the most frequent and severe manic episodes.) They also said that I should get off of my Fluoxetine since that's what was probably making me hypomanic/manic. They also couldn't understand why I was taking Clonazepam for rapid cycling. You know what the most humorous thing about my whole experience was? One guy actually believed that I had an IQ of 188 when I told him my IQ jumped 50 points from 138 when I was manic. LOL! Another thing is their unfair treatment of people who post to the board. One person mentioned having difficulty taking Depakote/Wellbutrin, but did anyone tell her to get off of the Wellbutrin because it caused mania? No, but they sure could tell me to stop taking my Fluoxetine after I told them I took it for severe suicidal depression during the winter. There are so many things about that message board that upset me. I'm done. It's not worth rapid cycling over. From now on, I'll stay here where at least I know I can receive good information and caring support from my friends. <group hug>
I know you're right. I did have 3 pdocs dx me with BP and none of them ever mentioned BPD, so that should make me feel comfortable enough about my dx. Besides, I remember the first manic/psychotic episode I had in 2006 and it was most definitely a manic episode. At any rate, the people on this board were so callous to me. They called me manic, paranoid, "not BP" enough because I only experienced 5 manic epsiodes in 3 years. (I didn't know we were having a competition to see who could have the most frequent and severe manic episodes.) They also said that I should get off of my Fluoxetine since that's what was probably making me hypomanic/manic. They also couldn't understand why I was taking Clonazepam for rapid cycling. You know what the most humorous thing about my whole experience was? One guy actually believed that I had an IQ of 188 when I told him my IQ jumped 50 points from 138 when I was manic. LOL! Another thing is their unfair treatment of people who post to the board. One person mentioned having difficulty taking Depakote/Wellbutrin, but did anyone tell her to get off of the Wellbutrin because it caused mania? No, but they sure could tell me to stop taking my Fluoxetine after I told them I took it for severe suicidal depression during the winter. There are so many things about that message board that upset me. I'm done. It's not worth rapid cycling over. From now on, I'll stay here where at least I know I can receive good information and caring support from my friends. <group hug>
dreams in neon
02-28-2009, 11:38 PM
((((((Seaturtle))))))
Thank you for your post as well! I feel SO much better now! I love you guys!!! <group hug>
Thank you for your post as well! I feel SO much better now! I love you guys!!! <group hug>
Kapula
03-03-2009, 05:07 PM
As no one cares off with my posts.
dreams in neon
03-04-2009, 01:23 AM
Kapula,
I was going to ask if the person you mentioned in your post may have been manic. I ended up charging ALOT of debt on credit cards over several years during several manic episodes. Thanks to my actions, it will be either cash or debit card for me from now on.
As for my diagnosis of BP, I think I was in a manic state when I created this thread. I was extremely irritable and hurt by the things I read on the other message board and took them to heart even though I know none of those members are pdocs and can't diagnose me. I now have no doubt whatsoever that I'm bipolar since 5 pdocs diagnosed me as such (the attending pdoc when I was IP back in 2006 following my first manic/psychotic episode, my old pdoc, the first pdoc I saw when I was looking for a new doctor, my current pdoc and the attending pdoc I saw when I was recently IP).
I was going to ask if the person you mentioned in your post may have been manic. I ended up charging ALOT of debt on credit cards over several years during several manic episodes. Thanks to my actions, it will be either cash or debit card for me from now on.
As for my diagnosis of BP, I think I was in a manic state when I created this thread. I was extremely irritable and hurt by the things I read on the other message board and took them to heart even though I know none of those members are pdocs and can't diagnose me. I now have no doubt whatsoever that I'm bipolar since 5 pdocs diagnosed me as such (the attending pdoc when I was IP back in 2006 following my first manic/psychotic episode, my old pdoc, the first pdoc I saw when I was looking for a new doctor, my current pdoc and the attending pdoc I saw when I was recently IP).
katlin09
03-04-2009, 01:37 AM
I'm not so sure that I can tell other BP'ers, but...and this really irritates the crap out of me, I do notice that other people like my sister for instance will tell me about someone and some crazy or stupid thing they did and say, do you think they're BiPolar??? She does this alll the time, like I'm a doctor or something. I hate it when people think you can dx someone else just because you have a certain ailment.
kat
kat
dreams in neon
03-04-2009, 01:42 AM
I also hate it when people think the only symptom of bipolar is anger. What they fail to understand is that BP consists of other symptoms that I don't need to mention here since we are all familiar with them.
seaturtle
03-04-2009, 11:38 PM
Kapula,
I can understand your questioning the sale.
Would you have sold it to someone who didn't seem to be manic, maybe a fixer-upper? I'd think so.
It's a fine line, but as you said, it's not up to you to either diagnose anyone or try to stop their mania. If you didn't know him, I don't see anything you did wrong.
After all, it is each of our responsibility to manage our own disorder, and as you say, if he hadn't bought your boat, it would have been something else.
He said his wife would kill him - he was aware of his actions. So I would let it be. It's probably neither the first nor last time he'd done this. You also don't know if he really wanted and will fix and use the boat.
I'd let go of it entirely. If you'd said "No, I won't sell it to you, you are manic", would that have made any difference to him? No.
You're okay. Just take care of yourself.
Seaturtle
I can understand your questioning the sale.
Would you have sold it to someone who didn't seem to be manic, maybe a fixer-upper? I'd think so.
It's a fine line, but as you said, it's not up to you to either diagnose anyone or try to stop their mania. If you didn't know him, I don't see anything you did wrong.
After all, it is each of our responsibility to manage our own disorder, and as you say, if he hadn't bought your boat, it would have been something else.
He said his wife would kill him - he was aware of his actions. So I would let it be. It's probably neither the first nor last time he'd done this. You also don't know if he really wanted and will fix and use the boat.
I'd let go of it entirely. If you'd said "No, I won't sell it to you, you are manic", would that have made any difference to him? No.
You're okay. Just take care of yourself.
Seaturtle
seaturtle
03-04-2009, 11:46 PM
Hi neondreams and everyone else,
Yes, they may think we're just raving maniacs. They don't understand, an they don't see or experience the suicidal depressions, inability to function, brain fogs, irritability, or realize how much we suffer and have to fight.
No use in trying to make them aware or explain. IT is the same in many psychiatric disorders. People will tell me I am lucky to have chronic anorexia "Oh, you can eat anything you want, you're to nice and thin..." Bullcrap.
They don't see the rest of it, think I am in control of my eating (far from it, very far). Ditto with Schizophrenia, Panic Disorder, you name it.
I try to ignore them and just not respond, then return to my good people here who do understand.
Did you ever have someone speak louder and in baby-talk sentences because they assume you are not intellectually with it? That drives me nuts, too.
Hope you are all right today. I woke up with another migraine, but chased it with Vicodin and Imitrex injection.
Hug,
Seaturtle
Yes, they may think we're just raving maniacs. They don't understand, an they don't see or experience the suicidal depressions, inability to function, brain fogs, irritability, or realize how much we suffer and have to fight.
No use in trying to make them aware or explain. IT is the same in many psychiatric disorders. People will tell me I am lucky to have chronic anorexia "Oh, you can eat anything you want, you're to nice and thin..." Bullcrap.
They don't see the rest of it, think I am in control of my eating (far from it, very far). Ditto with Schizophrenia, Panic Disorder, you name it.
I try to ignore them and just not respond, then return to my good people here who do understand.
Did you ever have someone speak louder and in baby-talk sentences because they assume you are not intellectually with it? That drives me nuts, too.
Hope you are all right today. I woke up with another migraine, but chased it with Vicodin and Imitrex injection.
Hug,
Seaturtle
katlin09
03-05-2009, 01:25 AM
Seaturtle,
Have you changed your meds lately or added/changed any environmental elements in your home i.e. cleaners, food, etc? You seem to be getting alot of migraines lately, have you talked to your Dr. about them?
kat
Have you changed your meds lately or added/changed any environmental elements in your home i.e. cleaners, food, etc? You seem to be getting alot of migraines lately, have you talked to your Dr. about them?
kat
mowgli
03-05-2009, 02:18 AM
Dreams in Neon, from reading the things you say in your posts it is easy to understand that you would wonder, especially as you have been given so many dx in the past, and I know that when all you want is to put the pieces of the jigsaw together and be well, even the slightest suggestion for minds like ours that inevitably question and obsess... something like that is like giving you a chrissy pressie early and telling you not to shake or open it.
I had the same sort of thing happen the other day. I was having an appointment with a pdoc and my partner on the impact of BP, and my bad bad tendency to use alcohol and dope to self-medicate on each other, and us as a family and me; when instead of saying bi-polar, she said borderline personality disorder and then corrected herself. I then spent the next 2 days freaking that I had both and they hadn't told me (still have to talk sternly to myself)! So I can empathise, but I think you are on the right track.
I also get migraines, and I can go for a year without one and then once I have one I have a cluster and then just as mysteriously they stop. I have done lots of elimination and have found there is usually a series of things that contribute, one of them being sinus and the glands in my neck swelling- which is related to the thyroid gland, which then makes my over active wonderings, consider a link between BP and migraines...
I had the same sort of thing happen the other day. I was having an appointment with a pdoc and my partner on the impact of BP, and my bad bad tendency to use alcohol and dope to self-medicate on each other, and us as a family and me; when instead of saying bi-polar, she said borderline personality disorder and then corrected herself. I then spent the next 2 days freaking that I had both and they hadn't told me (still have to talk sternly to myself)! So I can empathise, but I think you are on the right track.
I also get migraines, and I can go for a year without one and then once I have one I have a cluster and then just as mysteriously they stop. I have done lots of elimination and have found there is usually a series of things that contribute, one of them being sinus and the glands in my neck swelling- which is related to the thyroid gland, which then makes my over active wonderings, consider a link between BP and migraines...
katlin09
03-05-2009, 03:28 AM
Mowgli,
there actually is a link between BP and Migraines...not sure of the actual brain chemistry/pharmacology but a high percentage of BP'ers have migraines. I get cluster migraines that last anywhere from a day or two to twelve to sixteen days. I have certain triggers such as caffeine, weather fronts moving through, drop in barometric pressure, etc.
I know that alot of BP'ers on this board are also migraine sufferers. I use Topamax as a daily preventative, 100 mg. and then axert and/or a tordal/promethazine injection at onset.
there actually is a link between BP and Migraines...not sure of the actual brain chemistry/pharmacology but a high percentage of BP'ers have migraines. I get cluster migraines that last anywhere from a day or two to twelve to sixteen days. I have certain triggers such as caffeine, weather fronts moving through, drop in barometric pressure, etc.
I know that alot of BP'ers on this board are also migraine sufferers. I use Topamax as a daily preventative, 100 mg. and then axert and/or a tordal/promethazine injection at onset.
dreams in neon
03-05-2009, 05:43 AM
I also suffer from migraines as well as BP. In fact, I have a 21 year history of migraines. I take 50mg of Topamax (soon to be titrated to 100mg) as well as 100mg of Imitrex.
dreams in neon
03-05-2009, 05:51 AM
mowgli,
I'm glad that someone understands the doubt I had about not having bipolar. You're right. I have had alot of diagnoses in the past -- 5 to be exact over the past 19 years: major depressive disorder (misdiagnosed), schizoaffective disoder (misdiagnosed), bipolar I with ultradian rapid cycling (misdiagnosed), atypical bipolar I with ultradian rapid cycling (correct diagnosis) and PTSD (correct diagnosis). In thinking about this, I feel more confident about the fact that I have bipolar. 5 pdocs confirmed this (the attending pdoc in 2006 during my IP stay following my first manic/psychotic episode, my last pdoc, the first pdoc I saw after I started looking for a new one, my current pdoc and the attending pdoc who I saw for my IP stays between November and February). If 5 pdocs agree (let alone 2), then there is no doubt that I have bipolar. Besides, the people at the other message board don't have medical degrees, so who on Earth are they to say I'm "not BP enough" when all of the pdocs I've had (the ones mentioned above) have all told me that my BP is considered "severe?" I'm not going to give this any further thought and do not plan to return to that message board ever again. It's not worth causing me to rapid cycle and have self-doubt.
I'm glad that someone understands the doubt I had about not having bipolar. You're right. I have had alot of diagnoses in the past -- 5 to be exact over the past 19 years: major depressive disorder (misdiagnosed), schizoaffective disoder (misdiagnosed), bipolar I with ultradian rapid cycling (misdiagnosed), atypical bipolar I with ultradian rapid cycling (correct diagnosis) and PTSD (correct diagnosis). In thinking about this, I feel more confident about the fact that I have bipolar. 5 pdocs confirmed this (the attending pdoc in 2006 during my IP stay following my first manic/psychotic episode, my last pdoc, the first pdoc I saw after I started looking for a new one, my current pdoc and the attending pdoc who I saw for my IP stays between November and February). If 5 pdocs agree (let alone 2), then there is no doubt that I have bipolar. Besides, the people at the other message board don't have medical degrees, so who on Earth are they to say I'm "not BP enough" when all of the pdocs I've had (the ones mentioned above) have all told me that my BP is considered "severe?" I'm not going to give this any further thought and do not plan to return to that message board ever again. It's not worth causing me to rapid cycle and have self-doubt.
mowgli
03-05-2009, 06:15 AM
too true Dreams... Smart thinking.
And OMG kat- my migraines are only babies, but I wouldn't wish one on anyone. I can't imagine one that lasts a fortnight :dizzy:
And OMG kat- my migraines are only babies, but I wouldn't wish one on anyone. I can't imagine one that lasts a fortnight :dizzy:
dreams in neon
03-05-2009, 06:16 AM
The longest migraine I've ever had was 14 days which was painful enough. However, that only happens if my migraines are unmedicated. If I take an Imitrex, the pain usually disappears within 15 minutes.
Kapula
03-05-2009, 02:24 PM
As no one cares off with my posts.
seaturtle
03-05-2009, 11:32 PM
I have migraines, as I've already mentioned.
I have been taking Imitrex injections for maybe 2 years, and they have worked. Recently, though, they don't seem to.
I got a few samples of Zomig,and they did.
Is it possible to use so much of a triptan than it stops working?
Thanks!
I have been taking Imitrex injections for maybe 2 years, and they have worked. Recently, though, they don't seem to.
I got a few samples of Zomig,and they did.
Is it possible to use so much of a triptan than it stops working?
Thanks!
dreams in neon
03-05-2009, 11:35 PM
Seaturtle,
Yes, it is. I know someone who could no longer use Imitrex for the same reason. She also switched to Zomig. One of the things I like about Zomig is the fact that it works within 5 minutes as opposed to 15 for Imitrex.
Yes, it is. I know someone who could no longer use Imitrex for the same reason. She also switched to Zomig. One of the things I like about Zomig is the fact that it works within 5 minutes as opposed to 15 for Imitrex.
xblondeangel650
03-06-2009, 09:18 AM
Yeah I was diagnosed with Bipolar 2 years ago and I kep having these crazy suicidal thoughts,and whatnot,I called my Pdoc 2x a week.She know's everything about me now heh but after extensive testing,she said that I definately havr Boarderline Personality Disorder,I do agree with her.I had ALOT of traumatic events in my early childhood as well as growing up,I can not handle stress and big changes.I think Boarderline PD is worse then Bipolar because it is so hard to diagnose and seek the right counseling.I read hundreds of articals on this mental illness,I can't believe that she found that this is what I have now,I'm not thrilled with it.I go through these "numb" and guilt trips frequently,it's very upsetting sometimes,especially on top of being tired from the medications.I've had bad luck with some past Tdocs,they couldn't help me and I struggled with wanting to see them most times because of it.It's sooo expensive too aid this disorder so I can cope with my emotions the right way again,it takes a very long time,relapsing happends often.I know how you feel though...
dreams in neon
03-06-2009, 10:05 AM
blondeangel,
I feel the same way you do about my PTSD. Sometimes I can't believe that I've suffered with it for the past 20 years (according to my tdoc). It's a challenge to deal with especially given the constant nightmares and daily flasbacks I have. My tdoc is now giving me PTSD exercises to help me cope, so I am trying to manage this condition the best I can. On top of PTSD and bipolar, I also have problems with SH that I haven't learned how to deal with. SH is something I struggle with every single time I'm depressed and has been for as long as I can remember. Once I start learning how to manage my PTSD, I'm going to ask my tdoc for recommendations on how I can reduce my SH behaviors. Right now though I have so much on my plate that it's overwhelming.
I feel the same way you do about my PTSD. Sometimes I can't believe that I've suffered with it for the past 20 years (according to my tdoc). It's a challenge to deal with especially given the constant nightmares and daily flasbacks I have. My tdoc is now giving me PTSD exercises to help me cope, so I am trying to manage this condition the best I can. On top of PTSD and bipolar, I also have problems with SH that I haven't learned how to deal with. SH is something I struggle with every single time I'm depressed and has been for as long as I can remember. Once I start learning how to manage my PTSD, I'm going to ask my tdoc for recommendations on how I can reduce my SH behaviors. Right now though I have so much on my plate that it's overwhelming.
dreams in neon
03-06-2009, 10:08 AM
blondeangel,
I've heard that DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy) is good for treating BPD. I have a friend who has BPD and BP. She sees a tdoc who specializes in DBT and is coping well with both diagnoses as a result.
I've heard that DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy) is good for treating BPD. I have a friend who has BPD and BP. She sees a tdoc who specializes in DBT and is coping well with both diagnoses as a result.
katlin09
03-06-2009, 06:27 PM
I'm starting a DBT group class in April as a way to treat my severe SH/SI and also my constant suicidal ideations. On top of that my tdoc wants to start EMDR therapy one on one with her.
Lots of different ways to control things...
Lots of different ways to control things...
dreams in neon
03-06-2009, 06:59 PM
Kat,
What is EMDR therapy? Doesn't that involve eye exercises of some kind? If it does, I'm afraid that's out of the question since I'm totally blind and have nystagmus.
What is EMDR therapy? Doesn't that involve eye exercises of some kind? If it does, I'm afraid that's out of the question since I'm totally blind and have nystagmus.
seaturtle
03-07-2009, 01:17 AM
neonedreams,
Hi! Yes, EMDR does involve moving the eyes sometimes, It can also be done by holding onto two little paddles, one in each hand, and having them give out vibrations (not shocks!) while you think about things traumatic. Similar to that is that method of doing a series of taps on your body in a certain order. So you could try something like that.
My therapist tried it with me with the paddles, and I freaked on it. It brought up too much. She stopped it right there. But for some people, it works wonderfully.
Take care!
Seaturtle
Hi! Yes, EMDR does involve moving the eyes sometimes, It can also be done by holding onto two little paddles, one in each hand, and having them give out vibrations (not shocks!) while you think about things traumatic. Similar to that is that method of doing a series of taps on your body in a certain order. So you could try something like that.
My therapist tried it with me with the paddles, and I freaked on it. It brought up too much. She stopped it right there. But for some people, it works wonderfully.
Take care!
Seaturtle
dreams in neon
03-07-2009, 04:23 AM
Seaturtle,
I'm not sure if I'd like the sensation of feeling vibrations in my hands, but that's just me. Having said that, I hope it's successful for Kat.
I'm not sure if I'd like the sensation of feeling vibrations in my hands, but that's just me. Having said that, I hope it's successful for Kat.