dreams in neon
03-02-2009, 06:12 AM
Hi everyone,
I'm curious to know who your best and worst pdocs were. What did you like about them? What did you hate?
My worst pdoc was the one I recently switched from. He never listened to me and whenever I told him I was rapid cycling or manic, all he did was tell me to come back to his office in 3 months. The scenario always went like this:
Pdoc: "How are you feeling?"
dreams: "I've been rapid cycling and manic."
Pdoc: "Here are your prescriptions. Come back in 3 months."
My best pdoc is the one I'm currently working with. He listens to me, addresses my symptoms immediately and lets me participate fully in my treatment. He allows me to dictate what kind of med changes I'd like to have provided that it's reasonable. He also has a wonderful sense of humor and is very patient. He's a true gem.
I'm curious to know who your best and worst pdocs were. What did you like about them? What did you hate?
My worst pdoc was the one I recently switched from. He never listened to me and whenever I told him I was rapid cycling or manic, all he did was tell me to come back to his office in 3 months. The scenario always went like this:
Pdoc: "How are you feeling?"
dreams: "I've been rapid cycling and manic."
Pdoc: "Here are your prescriptions. Come back in 3 months."
My best pdoc is the one I'm currently working with. He listens to me, addresses my symptoms immediately and lets me participate fully in my treatment. He allows me to dictate what kind of med changes I'd like to have provided that it's reasonable. He also has a wonderful sense of humor and is very patient. He's a true gem.
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katlin09
03-02-2009, 06:34 AM
My best pdoc and tdoc are my current ones:
My pdoc is very compassionate but also doesn't let me get away with anything. He also tell's it like it is, no sugar coating, which I like, because that's how I am. His methodoly is patient involved and includes, vitamins, herbals, CBT, and hollistic therapie's He treats the whole person, not just the BP dx. He also expects the patient to be involved in meds. and med changes, what you want to try, etc. When you go in for an appt. he doesn't just sit there and stare at you until you say something, man I hate that.
My last pdoc was the worst. He would just sit there and stare at you until you said something, incredibly uncomfortable. Never really seemed to be listening to me. Never let me be and active participant in med choices. Tried to change my dx from BP to GAD.
My tdoc is great she genuinly cares about her patients. She's always available by phone no matter what time of day or night. I've had to call her several times in the evening to try and stop a cutting spree and she'll sit and talk to you on the phone for however long it takes to deal with whatever issue you called to deal with. She tries different approaches such as DBT excercises, mindfulness management, etc., her practice philosophy goes hand in hand with my pdoc, as he referred me to her. She and my pdoc talk every 2 weeks to review my case, see what's going on, whether suicide ideations are worse, better, etc. She herself deals with Chronic Pain in her own life, so she has that connection with me also, and that makes it a whole lot easier. And although she's pretty much forcing me to go to the DBT Group, I've come to realize that it's for my own good. If I have any chance to stop the SH/SI this is it, and it will also help with the suicidal ideations/thoughts. On the weekends when Nick is at his dads, she calls and checks on me, to make sure I"m doing okay. And I never gave her that schedule, she'd kept up with it on her own. She's just very dedicated to helping people regain their lives and well being.
Worst tdoc was last one. It was like paying someone to be my Buddy. She spent more time talking about herself then she did me. One of my suicide attempts was while in her care and all she did was say, well you shouldn't have done that. And when I started with my current pdoc and told him what tdoc I'd been seeing and why I didn't like her, he was like, "yeah that's what we hear about her in our professional circles." The only good thing about her was that she was in network for my insurance at the time and it only cost me $25 per visit.
Kat
My pdoc is very compassionate but also doesn't let me get away with anything. He also tell's it like it is, no sugar coating, which I like, because that's how I am. His methodoly is patient involved and includes, vitamins, herbals, CBT, and hollistic therapie's He treats the whole person, not just the BP dx. He also expects the patient to be involved in meds. and med changes, what you want to try, etc. When you go in for an appt. he doesn't just sit there and stare at you until you say something, man I hate that.
My last pdoc was the worst. He would just sit there and stare at you until you said something, incredibly uncomfortable. Never really seemed to be listening to me. Never let me be and active participant in med choices. Tried to change my dx from BP to GAD.
My tdoc is great she genuinly cares about her patients. She's always available by phone no matter what time of day or night. I've had to call her several times in the evening to try and stop a cutting spree and she'll sit and talk to you on the phone for however long it takes to deal with whatever issue you called to deal with. She tries different approaches such as DBT excercises, mindfulness management, etc., her practice philosophy goes hand in hand with my pdoc, as he referred me to her. She and my pdoc talk every 2 weeks to review my case, see what's going on, whether suicide ideations are worse, better, etc. She herself deals with Chronic Pain in her own life, so she has that connection with me also, and that makes it a whole lot easier. And although she's pretty much forcing me to go to the DBT Group, I've come to realize that it's for my own good. If I have any chance to stop the SH/SI this is it, and it will also help with the suicidal ideations/thoughts. On the weekends when Nick is at his dads, she calls and checks on me, to make sure I"m doing okay. And I never gave her that schedule, she'd kept up with it on her own. She's just very dedicated to helping people regain their lives and well being.
Worst tdoc was last one. It was like paying someone to be my Buddy. She spent more time talking about herself then she did me. One of my suicide attempts was while in her care and all she did was say, well you shouldn't have done that. And when I started with my current pdoc and told him what tdoc I'd been seeing and why I didn't like her, he was like, "yeah that's what we hear about her in our professional circles." The only good thing about her was that she was in network for my insurance at the time and it only cost me $25 per visit.
Kat
dreams in neon
03-02-2009, 06:54 AM
Kat,
It's funny you should mention discussing one of your tdocs with your pdoc because that's exactly what I did with my new pdoc. I happened to mention my old pdoc and how I never felt comfortable asking questions, how he never explained what mania was to me or what I should do in the event of an emergency. My pdoc knew who he was and said, "Yes. He tends to be a very efficient pdoc which probably explains why you didn't feel comfortable asking him questions. It's no wonder."
As far as tdocs are concerned, I think the best I've ever worked with is the one I'm seeing now. Although there have been a few times where we've been short with each other (when I was manic), for the most part, we get along extremely well. He's very knowledgeable about BP and seems to know when I'm struggling. He also adjusts to my deafness and takes note of when my difficulty hearing is more pronounced. He's very in tune to how I'm feeling and can recognize my mania instantly way before I can. I owe him so much because if it weren't for him, I'd still be living in the land of confusion when it comes to BP. He has educated me so much about this disorder. I've also been doing my fair share of research ever since my diagnosis 3 years ago, but my tdoc always has something interesting to share about new med combos, treatments, psychotherapy, etc. All in all, it has been a real joy working with him.
As for my worst tdoc, I really can't think of one. I've been lucky that all of the tdocs I've worked with have been compassionate and willing to do everything they can to help me with whatever I'm dealing with.
Back to my current tdoc: I now understand what atypical bipolar I is. At first I was confused because I thought atypical bipolar was the same as bipolar NOS, but he explained the differences and told me that atypical bipolar I is considered its own category just like BPI and BPII.
It's funny you should mention discussing one of your tdocs with your pdoc because that's exactly what I did with my new pdoc. I happened to mention my old pdoc and how I never felt comfortable asking questions, how he never explained what mania was to me or what I should do in the event of an emergency. My pdoc knew who he was and said, "Yes. He tends to be a very efficient pdoc which probably explains why you didn't feel comfortable asking him questions. It's no wonder."
As far as tdocs are concerned, I think the best I've ever worked with is the one I'm seeing now. Although there have been a few times where we've been short with each other (when I was manic), for the most part, we get along extremely well. He's very knowledgeable about BP and seems to know when I'm struggling. He also adjusts to my deafness and takes note of when my difficulty hearing is more pronounced. He's very in tune to how I'm feeling and can recognize my mania instantly way before I can. I owe him so much because if it weren't for him, I'd still be living in the land of confusion when it comes to BP. He has educated me so much about this disorder. I've also been doing my fair share of research ever since my diagnosis 3 years ago, but my tdoc always has something interesting to share about new med combos, treatments, psychotherapy, etc. All in all, it has been a real joy working with him.
As for my worst tdoc, I really can't think of one. I've been lucky that all of the tdocs I've worked with have been compassionate and willing to do everything they can to help me with whatever I'm dealing with.
Back to my current tdoc: I now understand what atypical bipolar I is. At first I was confused because I thought atypical bipolar was the same as bipolar NOS, but he explained the differences and told me that atypical bipolar I is considered its own category just like BPI and BPII.
xblondeangel650
03-02-2009, 11:09 AM
I love the post heh I actrually love my Pdoc,but she is very expensive and doesn't accept any insurance.She's the best in my state and is on call for her patients 24/7,it's awsome.As for Therapy,I already went through two in the past year 1/2,that's realy frustating.I need counseling most of all because I have alot of issues with handling stress with expelling the right emotions from the Boarderline PD.I tried a female Therapist and then a male,didn' get me anywhere,prob because they didn't know to much about the mental disorder.It cost alot of money as it is for my Pdoc,I don't have insurance either.I tried applying for short term disability,so I hope that works out for me.
Bunnylover
03-02-2009, 12:21 PM
Best: My current Pdoc--very patient, encourages me to do my own research on medications and take my time making decisions, is litterally available 24/7 if I need him, extremely careful and through.
Worst: Previous Pdoc who prescribed drugs that can, and did, cause a dangerous interaction, refused to move up my appointment when I did my homework and figured out what was going on, and then when I did meet with her didn't know what to do and denied that she'd caused the problem. She prompted me to find now very good pdoc.
Worst: Previous Pdoc who prescribed drugs that can, and did, cause a dangerous interaction, refused to move up my appointment when I did my homework and figured out what was going on, and then when I did meet with her didn't know what to do and denied that she'd caused the problem. She prompted me to find now very good pdoc.
dreams in neon
03-02-2009, 12:53 PM
blondeangel,
After I was IP back in 2006 following my first manic/psychotic episode, the hospital referred me to a pdoc who they claimed was the best in the city. If truth be told, nothing could be further from the truth. She never read my hospital discharge paperwork to find out what my diagnosis was and after only 3 months of seeing her, told me that it was my choice whether or not to remain on meds even though she knew I was bipolar. Needless to say, I ran as far away from her as I could and never looked back.
After I was IP back in 2006 following my first manic/psychotic episode, the hospital referred me to a pdoc who they claimed was the best in the city. If truth be told, nothing could be further from the truth. She never read my hospital discharge paperwork to find out what my diagnosis was and after only 3 months of seeing her, told me that it was my choice whether or not to remain on meds even though she knew I was bipolar. Needless to say, I ran as far away from her as I could and never looked back.
dreams in neon
03-02-2009, 12:55 PM
bunny,
Wow. Your worst pdoc should have had her license revoked. Did you file a complaint to the AMA? (I filed a complaint against my last pdoc and the first pdoc I was referred to after my manic/psychotic episode 3 years ago). Having said that, I'm glad she at least had the decency to recommend that you find another pdoc. I think she was probably aware of how much damage she caused you and didn't want to risk a lawsuit.
Wow. Your worst pdoc should have had her license revoked. Did you file a complaint to the AMA? (I filed a complaint against my last pdoc and the first pdoc I was referred to after my manic/psychotic episode 3 years ago). Having said that, I'm glad she at least had the decency to recommend that you find another pdoc. I think she was probably aware of how much damage she caused you and didn't want to risk a lawsuit.
katlin09
03-02-2009, 06:18 PM
Dreams,
I'm telling you we're twins that were seperated at birth! You know I think that we have to have some level of "arguementativeness" with our pdocs to make a real "relationship". Just like any relationship, you can't get along all the time and if you do, somebody isn't doing their job or being honest.
I can remember once about 6 months ago when my severe BP Suicidal Depression kicked in and my husband was out at some female co-workers house getting drunk till all hours, and I had just had it. So I took like 12 or 13 Ambien because I really didn't care if I woke up the next day or not. Well my pdoc had taken me off Ambien the month before because of the "halluceagenic dreamstate" where I cut up my arm really bad in my sleep and had to get 26 stitches, because he said the Ambien had something to do with it. Well I told him I'd thrown them out...but ummm...well I lied. So when I saw him a couple days later, after I'd been to the ER to make sure I'd had not lasting effects from the Ambiens....I sat down in his offfice, in my usual comfy couch spot, and he said, "Didn't we agree that you weren't going to take the Ambien anymore?" and I said, "yes", and he said, "You know I'd rather you say Fu** you to my face, if you're just going to do whatever you want." So yeah my pdoc and I have our moments, but I think if we didn't something wouldn't be working right.
That's just one of my theological observations.
kat
I'm telling you we're twins that were seperated at birth! You know I think that we have to have some level of "arguementativeness" with our pdocs to make a real "relationship". Just like any relationship, you can't get along all the time and if you do, somebody isn't doing their job or being honest.
I can remember once about 6 months ago when my severe BP Suicidal Depression kicked in and my husband was out at some female co-workers house getting drunk till all hours, and I had just had it. So I took like 12 or 13 Ambien because I really didn't care if I woke up the next day or not. Well my pdoc had taken me off Ambien the month before because of the "halluceagenic dreamstate" where I cut up my arm really bad in my sleep and had to get 26 stitches, because he said the Ambien had something to do with it. Well I told him I'd thrown them out...but ummm...well I lied. So when I saw him a couple days later, after I'd been to the ER to make sure I'd had not lasting effects from the Ambiens....I sat down in his offfice, in my usual comfy couch spot, and he said, "Didn't we agree that you weren't going to take the Ambien anymore?" and I said, "yes", and he said, "You know I'd rather you say Fu** you to my face, if you're just going to do whatever you want." So yeah my pdoc and I have our moments, but I think if we didn't something wouldn't be working right.
That's just one of my theological observations.
kat
katlin09
03-02-2009, 06:24 PM
I just got home from seeing my pdoc and it's been a really rought week with lots of triggers, I'm BP with severe suicidal med resistant depression, so my suicidal ideations, and prospect of completing suicide right now are very very high. So as I'm walking out the door, my pdoc asks for my blackberry, pulls up his profile and makes sure that his cell, office, home numbers are all there and correct. I was so out of it and just didn't really care one way or the other, but he wanted to make sure that if I needed to contact him wherever, whenever, I had all the correct information. I know that caring pdocs like that are few and far between, I'll never change pdocs, even if I have to work at Burger King to afford it!
kat
kat
dreams in neon
03-03-2009, 01:05 AM
Kat,
My pdoc is the same way. When I called his office 5 days ago to let him know that I was rapid cycling pretty badly, the receptionist told me my pdoc would return my call if he thought it was an emergency. That got me a little worried because after my experience with my old pdoc, I was concerned that he wouldn't call me back. To my pleasant surprise, he returned my call within 10 minutes and even suggested (or actually strongly recommended) that I go IP. I told him I didn't want to only because I just got out of the hospital and didn't want to go back. Instead of scolding me, he told me he understood and said that was perfectly fine. I feel the same way you do, Kat. I'll travel to the end of the Earth if I have to in order to see my current pdoc. He's definitely worth it! Not only that, I've been stable for the past 5 days thanks to my Clonazepam. Funny how my pdoc took 2 months to figure out what was wrong when my old pdoc couldn't even put 2+2 together after a year and a half.
My pdoc is the same way. When I called his office 5 days ago to let him know that I was rapid cycling pretty badly, the receptionist told me my pdoc would return my call if he thought it was an emergency. That got me a little worried because after my experience with my old pdoc, I was concerned that he wouldn't call me back. To my pleasant surprise, he returned my call within 10 minutes and even suggested (or actually strongly recommended) that I go IP. I told him I didn't want to only because I just got out of the hospital and didn't want to go back. Instead of scolding me, he told me he understood and said that was perfectly fine. I feel the same way you do, Kat. I'll travel to the end of the Earth if I have to in order to see my current pdoc. He's definitely worth it! Not only that, I've been stable for the past 5 days thanks to my Clonazepam. Funny how my pdoc took 2 months to figure out what was wrong when my old pdoc couldn't even put 2+2 together after a year and a half.
dreams in neon
03-03-2009, 01:09 AM
Kat,
I haven't had any run-ins or disagreements with my new pdoc yet (because I've only been seeing him since December), but I have with my tdoc. Whenever this happens, it makes me feel uncomfortable and as if I'm a 6 year old child once again. That being said, I wouldn't trade him for the world because like I said, he has taught me so much about bipolar. At my last appointment, he explained my diagnosis to me, going through each BP category and explaining why I didn't specifically meet each one. I consider myself so fortunate to have this tdoc. It's been a long time coming, but I *finally* have a tdoc and pdoc I can put my complete trust in. By the way (according to my tdoc), I have trust issues due to the abuse I've experienced in the past, so I know that when I'm able to trust someone -- really trust someone -- I've struck gold because that doesn't happen very often.
I haven't had any run-ins or disagreements with my new pdoc yet (because I've only been seeing him since December), but I have with my tdoc. Whenever this happens, it makes me feel uncomfortable and as if I'm a 6 year old child once again. That being said, I wouldn't trade him for the world because like I said, he has taught me so much about bipolar. At my last appointment, he explained my diagnosis to me, going through each BP category and explaining why I didn't specifically meet each one. I consider myself so fortunate to have this tdoc. It's been a long time coming, but I *finally* have a tdoc and pdoc I can put my complete trust in. By the way (according to my tdoc), I have trust issues due to the abuse I've experienced in the past, so I know that when I'm able to trust someone -- really trust someone -- I've struck gold because that doesn't happen very often.
katlin09
03-03-2009, 01:37 AM
Dreams,
yeah us BP/SH/PTSD'ers tend to have those major trust issues from our lovely childhoods don't we. Once again we land on the same plane in the universe, my pdoc at times when I answer questions in a certain, how should we say, petulant way, I guess I get a certain look on my face and he'll say, "So, we're gonna be six years old today?" hmmmm....hope we don't have the same pdoc...*l*
Man this day has really sucked and I better sleep tonight or I'm really gonna be ticked. He doubled the Abilify, doubled the Buspar, took off the clonazapem, and added in Trazadone.....I hate med changes!!!!!! I don't know why I hate them, my meds only work for 2 or 3 weeks at a time, I should be used to it by now.
kat
yeah us BP/SH/PTSD'ers tend to have those major trust issues from our lovely childhoods don't we. Once again we land on the same plane in the universe, my pdoc at times when I answer questions in a certain, how should we say, petulant way, I guess I get a certain look on my face and he'll say, "So, we're gonna be six years old today?" hmmmm....hope we don't have the same pdoc...*l*
Man this day has really sucked and I better sleep tonight or I'm really gonna be ticked. He doubled the Abilify, doubled the Buspar, took off the clonazapem, and added in Trazadone.....I hate med changes!!!!!! I don't know why I hate them, my meds only work for 2 or 3 weeks at a time, I should be used to it by now.
kat
dreams in neon
03-03-2009, 01:51 AM
Kat,
I'm sorry that you're going through yet another med change. That has to be very frustrating. Have you ever thought about having ECT treatments? My pdoc recommended that I have ECT, but I can't due to my cochlear implants. As far as my moods are concerned, I think the Clonazepam is what is responsible for it. I'm sure my Depakote, Fluoxetine, Geodon and Trazodone are helping, but I really think the Clonazepam is largely responsible. By the way, someone on "the other" site told me after I was personally attacked that I should have a med change since my Depakote, Fluoxetine, Geodon and Trazodone alone should help my rapid cycling. I'm sorry, but I disagree. If I have to take a benzo in order to maintain a sense of stability, what difference does it make as long as I'm not rapid cycling? That's the ultimate goal, isn't it? Better yet, I'm not even cycling once a day even though my pdoc's treatment plan is to reduce my cycling to once or twice a day. With that being the case, I think I'm doing better than expected.
I'm sorry that you're going through yet another med change. That has to be very frustrating. Have you ever thought about having ECT treatments? My pdoc recommended that I have ECT, but I can't due to my cochlear implants. As far as my moods are concerned, I think the Clonazepam is what is responsible for it. I'm sure my Depakote, Fluoxetine, Geodon and Trazodone are helping, but I really think the Clonazepam is largely responsible. By the way, someone on "the other" site told me after I was personally attacked that I should have a med change since my Depakote, Fluoxetine, Geodon and Trazodone alone should help my rapid cycling. I'm sorry, but I disagree. If I have to take a benzo in order to maintain a sense of stability, what difference does it make as long as I'm not rapid cycling? That's the ultimate goal, isn't it? Better yet, I'm not even cycling once a day even though my pdoc's treatment plan is to reduce my cycling to once or twice a day. With that being the case, I think I'm doing better than expected.
katlin09
03-03-2009, 02:05 AM
Dreams,
I can't do ECT because I have a Seizure Disorder and that has something to do with it.
My Pdoc is really carefully of my meds because of the Oxycontin and Percocet that I'm on daily for the CP. I was on a pretty high dose of Clonazapem and it's the strongest benzo, and I was taking it for anxiety/panic attacks. He was concerned it was impairing my cognitive abilities, so he stopped that and doubled the Buspar, which is strictly for anxiety without the benzo problem. Whatever he suggests this and that and normally I chime in, but today I just didn't really care one way or another. He did write all my scripts for 3 months worth so I'll have them all before my insurance runs out in a couple of weeks, I just had to get extra bottles and take the 2 extra months worth of each med to him next week, and he'll give them to me when I need them. So that saved me a ton of cash, Lamictal and Abilify can make you homeless without insurance.
kat
I can't do ECT because I have a Seizure Disorder and that has something to do with it.
My Pdoc is really carefully of my meds because of the Oxycontin and Percocet that I'm on daily for the CP. I was on a pretty high dose of Clonazapem and it's the strongest benzo, and I was taking it for anxiety/panic attacks. He was concerned it was impairing my cognitive abilities, so he stopped that and doubled the Buspar, which is strictly for anxiety without the benzo problem. Whatever he suggests this and that and normally I chime in, but today I just didn't really care one way or another. He did write all my scripts for 3 months worth so I'll have them all before my insurance runs out in a couple of weeks, I just had to get extra bottles and take the 2 extra months worth of each med to him next week, and he'll give them to me when I need them. So that saved me a ton of cash, Lamictal and Abilify can make you homeless without insurance.
kat
dreams in neon
03-03-2009, 02:12 AM
I know how that goes. When I used to take Risperdal, it cost $591/month. All of my meds total (as I'm sure yours do) well over $1,000/month.
katlin09
03-03-2009, 02:24 AM
Yeah it's like culture shock, I had really really good insurance. Last year from June through Dec. all my meds were free, because I'd hit my out of pocket deductible.
And now I feel like everyone thinks I'm some indigent homeless person!!
I actually just got a decent quote from BCBS a few min. ago, so I'll probably go back to them, it'll be cheaper to pay ins. a month then to pay for the meds.
And now I feel like everyone thinks I'm some indigent homeless person!!
I actually just got a decent quote from BCBS a few min. ago, so I'll probably go back to them, it'll be cheaper to pay ins. a month then to pay for the meds.
katlin09
03-03-2009, 02:32 AM
200mg of Trazadone @ 11:30 and I'm still freakin wide awake.....just one nights sleep, just one. And they wonder why I"m so depressed I don't want to function in the real world!
dreams in neon
03-03-2009, 03:47 AM
Kat,
Don't feel bad. I take 300mg of Trazodone PRN and it doesn't help me all the time either.
Don't feel bad. I take 300mg of Trazodone PRN and it doesn't help me all the time either.
Bunnylover
03-03-2009, 12:14 PM
Dreams, I did talk to the medical board, but they said realistically probably nothing would be done. I did talk to her boss, but at the time I was so sick I didn't really push it any further.
Sadly, she never realized she screwed up and wanted me to keep seeing her (although I think she did get in trouble from her boss because she started calling me at home to try to talk to me, I had her boss put a stop to that.) When I said she prompted me to seek other care, I meant I decided to stop dealing with crappy university pdocs and look outside. Now I call the state medical board everytime I consider a new doctor, just to check.) In retrospect, I do wish I'd filed a complaint, but this was several years ago and at the time I was so sick, and after that dealing with trying to find an effective meds cocktail and so I didn't.)
Sadly, she never realized she screwed up and wanted me to keep seeing her (although I think she did get in trouble from her boss because she started calling me at home to try to talk to me, I had her boss put a stop to that.) When I said she prompted me to seek other care, I meant I decided to stop dealing with crappy university pdocs and look outside. Now I call the state medical board everytime I consider a new doctor, just to check.) In retrospect, I do wish I'd filed a complaint, but this was several years ago and at the time I was so sick, and after that dealing with trying to find an effective meds cocktail and so I didn't.)
dreams in neon
03-03-2009, 01:26 PM
I can understand that, bunny. Are you working with a good pdoc and tdoc right now?
Bunnylover
03-03-2009, 07:01 PM
My current pdoc is fabulous--I don't have a tdoc, I can meet with my pdoc for an hour up to once a week if I need to, although at this point (thank goodness), I'm down to an hour every three weeks.
dreams in neon
03-04-2009, 01:17 AM
That's wonderful, bunny! Wow! You're able to meet with your pdoc for an hour? Does he or she do talk therapy as well? I'm so happy for you!
katlin09
03-04-2009, 01:25 AM
I actually did an internet background check on my pdoc and tdoc before I started seeing them, it had everything down to how many traffic tickets they had. I figure if I had to tell them all my personal info. I wanted to know about them and make sure they were what they say they are.
dreams in neon
03-04-2009, 01:36 AM
I found my pdoc by doing an Internet search. As for my tdoc, he was recommended to me by a well-known psychiatric hospital in my area.
dreams in neon
03-04-2009, 01:39 AM
By the way, the next time I need to change pdocs, I'm going to see the first pdoc I saw back in December. The only reason I'm not seeing him now is because my current pdoc is located closer to my home. (I love them both! They're both wonderful and very knowledgeable when it comes to bipolar and both specialize in addiction which I like because I find that pdocs who do tend to be more patient when it comes to trying new med changes.) Ironically enough, the first pdoc I saw was recommended by the same psychiatric hospital who recommended my current tdoc.
katlin09
03-04-2009, 01:40 AM
My pdoc was referred by my GP, when I got to her office and just huddled in the corner of the room crying so hard, I was like a blob of shaking jello. I could barely talk to her to tell her what was wrong. Finally after she gave me some Seroquel, I was able to talk with her after a while. She referred me to my pdoc and then after a couple of sessions and starting my meds he referred me to my tdoc. And I am extremely happy with both of them, I've been with them for about a year and a half and all is well.
kat
kat
dreams in neon
03-04-2009, 01:44 AM
Kat,
I've also been with my tdoc for a year and a half. I feel very comfortable with him. The same goes for my pdoc as well. During my first appointment with my pdoc I was able to tell him about the abuse I suffered as a child and teenager. That was significant for me because it took a year and a half to tell my tdoc the same thing.
I've also been with my tdoc for a year and a half. I feel very comfortable with him. The same goes for my pdoc as well. During my first appointment with my pdoc I was able to tell him about the abuse I suffered as a child and teenager. That was significant for me because it took a year and a half to tell my tdoc the same thing.
katlin09
03-04-2009, 01:53 AM
Dreams,
I thought in the beginning that I was going to have some "trust" issues and "uncomfortable feelings" since my pdoc was a man.....and I have some major trust and fear issues with men, due to early childhood abuse and husband abuse, but by the second appt. when I sat their and kept looking at the closed door, he said, "would it make you more comfortable if I told you I was gay?" And it does, the only men that I am friends with are gay, I have several really good friends. I won't go in a male Dr.'s office with the door closed and nobody else in there. Then when my tdoc, who is a woman, went on med leave for 4 months over the summer and my pdoc took over my weekly therapy it just changed the scope of our patient/Dr. relationship, it made a big difference in the fact that most "med management pdocs" don't know a whole lot about their patients, but he knows pretty much as much about me as my tdoc, so we do 30 min. appt.s every 2 weeks and do med mgmt and mini therapy sessions. So it just makes it all work better together, when my pdoc and tdoc check in with each other once a month, they both know the "whole" me instead of the tdoc having to fill in the blanks for the pdoc, if that makes any sense.
kat
I thought in the beginning that I was going to have some "trust" issues and "uncomfortable feelings" since my pdoc was a man.....and I have some major trust and fear issues with men, due to early childhood abuse and husband abuse, but by the second appt. when I sat their and kept looking at the closed door, he said, "would it make you more comfortable if I told you I was gay?" And it does, the only men that I am friends with are gay, I have several really good friends. I won't go in a male Dr.'s office with the door closed and nobody else in there. Then when my tdoc, who is a woman, went on med leave for 4 months over the summer and my pdoc took over my weekly therapy it just changed the scope of our patient/Dr. relationship, it made a big difference in the fact that most "med management pdocs" don't know a whole lot about their patients, but he knows pretty much as much about me as my tdoc, so we do 30 min. appt.s every 2 weeks and do med mgmt and mini therapy sessions. So it just makes it all work better together, when my pdoc and tdoc check in with each other once a month, they both know the "whole" me instead of the tdoc having to fill in the blanks for the pdoc, if that makes any sense.
kat
dreams in neon
03-04-2009, 02:01 AM
I also see my pdoc every 2-3 weeks. My pdoc and tdoc don't confer with each other right now because I've only been seeing my new pdoc since December, but when I see them next week, that's definitely something I'm going to bring up.
I'm also going to have my pdoc write up a contract indicating that I give him permission to call 911 if I'm manic or severely depressed during an appointment. If truth be told, I get tired of my tdoc always telling me when I'm manic, so I figure the best way to deal with this is to give them both permission to call for help if I need it.
By the way, I came up with this idea after I took a cab home from my tdoc's office one afternoon and had a great deal of trouble communicating with the driver because I was manic and couldn't think clearly. To get around this problem, I now keep a printed copy of my destination in my purse. If I'm having trouble thinking clearly, I hand this to the driver so that I don't have to worry about communicating with them.
I'm also going to have my pdoc write up a contract indicating that I give him permission to call 911 if I'm manic or severely depressed during an appointment. If truth be told, I get tired of my tdoc always telling me when I'm manic, so I figure the best way to deal with this is to give them both permission to call for help if I need it.
By the way, I came up with this idea after I took a cab home from my tdoc's office one afternoon and had a great deal of trouble communicating with the driver because I was manic and couldn't think clearly. To get around this problem, I now keep a printed copy of my destination in my purse. If I'm having trouble thinking clearly, I hand this to the driver so that I don't have to worry about communicating with them.
katlin09
03-04-2009, 02:11 AM
yeah if your that manic at either of them's office and they let you leave...you'd think they'd be worried about liability issues. The permission contract sounds like a good idea. Since my problem is the polar opposite of yours the only thing I have to worry about is THE QUESTION that my pdoc asks sometimes like yesterday, the if your going to commit suicide, what's your plan and how are you going to do it. Any severly depressed BP'er with multiple suicide attempts knows that's the question that can get you put in the psych ward on a 72 hour hold, or longer. I think he thinks that one of these days I'm actually going to screw up and answer it.
dreams in neon
03-04-2009, 02:20 AM
Kat,
What do you do when your pdoc asks that question? They asked me that when I went to the ER back in December and recently. I was honest and told them exactly what I'd do. They can't stop me either because if I'm expected to take bipolar meds for the rest of my life, there will always be a temptation and a way for me to "off" myself if that's what I choose to do. Fortunately, I've never come close to committing suicide except for the time I heard voices that told me to injest an entire bottle of Tylenol during my first manic/psychotic episode. Then again, my bipolar tends to fall more on the manic side, so depression isn't an issue for me except for this time of year.
What do you do when your pdoc asks that question? They asked me that when I went to the ER back in December and recently. I was honest and told them exactly what I'd do. They can't stop me either because if I'm expected to take bipolar meds for the rest of my life, there will always be a temptation and a way for me to "off" myself if that's what I choose to do. Fortunately, I've never come close to committing suicide except for the time I heard voices that told me to injest an entire bottle of Tylenol during my first manic/psychotic episode. Then again, my bipolar tends to fall more on the manic side, so depression isn't an issue for me except for this time of year.
katlin09
03-04-2009, 02:33 AM
Well right now my Suicidal Ideations/Chance of Suicide is very High due to severe depression/stress. So yesterday, we went through the normal, he asked me if I agreed with that, and I said yes, then he asked if I'd worked out a plan, and I said no, the suicide thought comes and goes depending on the time of day. I never answer the first part, always say no. The second part he knows, so answering it comes in two parts, he tells me half and I tell him half. He'll say well your usuall way is to OD on meds, and I'll say "yes" and he says what else? I'll say, ummm....the cutting doesn't bother me, so I could do that. The he always asks if there are any guns in the house, and my answer every time is, "Nope, too messy." Mainly because I get tired of that question, he knows all the guns are at my husbands house, I'm not a gun person. But there you go that's how we get through that question, pretty much the same way every time. Then we go over the, Who to call first in case of an emergency, make sure I have all the phone numbers, etc. So for now, I'm having to see my pdoc and tdoc every week, both of them.
When I go back and read this it sounds kind of like, oh well, who cares.....not trying to make it sound like that, just facts are facts.
When I go back and read this it sounds kind of like, oh well, who cares.....not trying to make it sound like that, just facts are facts.
dreams in neon
03-04-2009, 03:18 AM
I used to see my tdoc every 2 weeks, but ever since I was diagnosed with PTSD in January, he recommended that I see him every week instead. I have alot of issues I need to work on, but we are addressing them slowly but surely.
katlin09
03-04-2009, 03:56 AM
Dreams,
I see my tdoc 1 - 2 times a week depending on how bad the depression is, if it's a really bad week I usually talk to her on the phone once or twice also. Right now I'm seeing my pdoc once a week also, because of med changes and the depression and suicidal ideations being so severe. It literally feels like all I do is bounce between their offices or talk to them on the phone.
kat
I see my tdoc 1 - 2 times a week depending on how bad the depression is, if it's a really bad week I usually talk to her on the phone once or twice also. Right now I'm seeing my pdoc once a week also, because of med changes and the depression and suicidal ideations being so severe. It literally feels like all I do is bounce between their offices or talk to them on the phone.
kat
dreams in neon
03-04-2009, 04:32 AM
I know how you feel. I also talk to my tdoc on the phone -- sometimes 2-3x/week. Lately I've been having alot of problems with depression and rapid cycling into agitation, so I've had to talk to him more than usual. However, ever since starting Clonazepam, I've been doing well.
irishwriter
03-04-2009, 05:05 AM
I know how you feel. I also talk to my tdoc on the phone -- sometimes 2-3x/week. Lately I've been having alot of problems with depression and rapid cycling into agitation, so I've had to talk to him more than usual. However, ever since starting Clonazepam, I've been doing well.
dreams
strange the way they do the thread backwards on this site. went back to first page to see if i had already posted on this one! brain fog.
worst pdoc was one tdoc of the time insisted that i see as he was head of dept. i was anorexic at the time and two stone under weight. i go in and there's this very obese man with the gall to talk to me about an eating disorder! also free one here was an idiot! best one is current one even though i used to pay him he now sees me free because i'm pretty much broke. he's been a bit absent lately and i can't help but feel a little abandoned as this is a difficult time of year for me. my brother's anniversary of completion of suicide is coming up, and i really want to be dead but megan's musical starts on 20th also her birthday is soon after so i still think May is the best month.
current tdoc is great too and have been seeing her for six years, can see her as needed. have seen quite a few of them over the years some good and some bad. am seeing tdoc tomorrow so hope that goes well.
also pdoc free here told me i was fine! diagnosed me with chronic dysphoria, chronic sadness! doc at time told me that was complete bull shit!
current doc has the personality of a teabag and no clue about mental disorders. i just go to him with script from pdoc and he puts it on free one so i can get meds free. each time i have to give him explanation about why dosage is above recommended therapeutic dose because i am pretty much med resistant but luckily med compliant so i don't mind the quest for the rigth ones. just wish i could find ones that would work for whole day instead of only a few hours.
hope you are doing better. clonazepam seems to be good for you. glad to hear that. i find it good for anxiety during the day and it gets rid of that awful nervous feeling of impending doom in my stomach!
dreams
strange the way they do the thread backwards on this site. went back to first page to see if i had already posted on this one! brain fog.
worst pdoc was one tdoc of the time insisted that i see as he was head of dept. i was anorexic at the time and two stone under weight. i go in and there's this very obese man with the gall to talk to me about an eating disorder! also free one here was an idiot! best one is current one even though i used to pay him he now sees me free because i'm pretty much broke. he's been a bit absent lately and i can't help but feel a little abandoned as this is a difficult time of year for me. my brother's anniversary of completion of suicide is coming up, and i really want to be dead but megan's musical starts on 20th also her birthday is soon after so i still think May is the best month.
current tdoc is great too and have been seeing her for six years, can see her as needed. have seen quite a few of them over the years some good and some bad. am seeing tdoc tomorrow so hope that goes well.
also pdoc free here told me i was fine! diagnosed me with chronic dysphoria, chronic sadness! doc at time told me that was complete bull shit!
current doc has the personality of a teabag and no clue about mental disorders. i just go to him with script from pdoc and he puts it on free one so i can get meds free. each time i have to give him explanation about why dosage is above recommended therapeutic dose because i am pretty much med resistant but luckily med compliant so i don't mind the quest for the rigth ones. just wish i could find ones that would work for whole day instead of only a few hours.
hope you are doing better. clonazepam seems to be good for you. glad to hear that. i find it good for anxiety during the day and it gets rid of that awful nervous feeling of impending doom in my stomach!
dreams in neon
03-04-2009, 07:37 AM
irishwriter,
I find it ironic how some people who should know better can lecture the rest of us about things we should or shouldn't do. It's frustrating!
I'm glad you're able to receive free medical care and meds. Even if your doctor asks why your meds need to be tweaked, try not to let it bother you. GPs don't have the training necessary to understand bipolar.
As far as your pdoc is concerned, if they diagnosed you with dysphoria, then you're not "fine." You have a chemical imbalance.
I'm happy that you have a good tdoc that you can see when necessary. My tdoc is the same way. I had to see him not too long ago on an emergency basis after feeling suicidal. He was nice enough to return my call at 12:30am and advised me to go IP (which I didn't want to do since I was recently in the hospital for my bipolar). Since I didn't want to go to the hospital, he agreed to fit me a few days later during his lunch hour. My next appointment with him is next Friday. I'm excited about that because if my Clonazepam continues working as well as it has, it means it will be over a week that I haven't rapid cycled. I haven't been doing too well lately, so it will be a nice change.
I find it ironic how some people who should know better can lecture the rest of us about things we should or shouldn't do. It's frustrating!
I'm glad you're able to receive free medical care and meds. Even if your doctor asks why your meds need to be tweaked, try not to let it bother you. GPs don't have the training necessary to understand bipolar.
As far as your pdoc is concerned, if they diagnosed you with dysphoria, then you're not "fine." You have a chemical imbalance.
I'm happy that you have a good tdoc that you can see when necessary. My tdoc is the same way. I had to see him not too long ago on an emergency basis after feeling suicidal. He was nice enough to return my call at 12:30am and advised me to go IP (which I didn't want to do since I was recently in the hospital for my bipolar). Since I didn't want to go to the hospital, he agreed to fit me a few days later during his lunch hour. My next appointment with him is next Friday. I'm excited about that because if my Clonazepam continues working as well as it has, it means it will be over a week that I haven't rapid cycled. I haven't been doing too well lately, so it will be a nice change.
katlin09
03-05-2009, 02:07 AM
Irish,
Klonopin is the strongest Benzo there is, and highly addictive, if your taking is solely for Anxiety, there's an alternative you might try. My pdoc switched me to Buspar, which is an Anti-Anxiety med, and it's working pretty well, it controls my anxiety, with the increase he did on Monday, but don't have to worry about the Benzo problems. Just a thought for you, from reading your post.
Hope you're having an okay day.
kat
Klonopin is the strongest Benzo there is, and highly addictive, if your taking is solely for Anxiety, there's an alternative you might try. My pdoc switched me to Buspar, which is an Anti-Anxiety med, and it's working pretty well, it controls my anxiety, with the increase he did on Monday, but don't have to worry about the Benzo problems. Just a thought for you, from reading your post.
Hope you're having an okay day.
kat
irishwriter
03-05-2009, 04:21 AM
irishwriter,
I find it ironic how some people who should know better can lecture the rest of us about things we should or shouldn't do. It's frustrating!
I'm glad you're able to receive free medical care and meds. Even if your doctor asks why your meds need to be tweaked, try not to let it bother you. GPs don't have the training necessary to understand bipolar.
As far as your pdoc is concerned, if they diagnosed you with dysphoria, then you're not "fine." You have a chemical imbalance.
I'm happy that you have a good tdoc that you can see when necessary. My tdoc is the same way. I had to see him not too long ago on an emergency basis after feeling suicidal. He was nice enough to return my call at 12:30am and advised me to go IP (which I didn't want to do since I was recently in the hospital for my bipolar). Since I didn't want to go to the hospital, he agreed to fit me a few days later during his lunch hour. My next appointment with him is next Friday. I'm excited about that because if my Clonazepam continues working as well as it has, it means it will be over a week that I haven't rapid cycled. I haven't been doing too well lately, so it will be a nice change.
it is great to have responses to posts. on another site they are quite frequently ignored which make me feel invisible! am seeing tdoc today, haven't seen her for a long time but have been in touch by phone. i was seeing pdoc regularly so didn't need to see her that much. with pdoc so busy and only talks about meds now when we do talk i need to see her. am looking forward to it because she is a great listener and always gives good feedback.
avoiding rapid cycling is great, i find i still do it at night which is a bit of apain in the neck but am still hopeful that meds will continue to improve.
I find it ironic how some people who should know better can lecture the rest of us about things we should or shouldn't do. It's frustrating!
I'm glad you're able to receive free medical care and meds. Even if your doctor asks why your meds need to be tweaked, try not to let it bother you. GPs don't have the training necessary to understand bipolar.
As far as your pdoc is concerned, if they diagnosed you with dysphoria, then you're not "fine." You have a chemical imbalance.
I'm happy that you have a good tdoc that you can see when necessary. My tdoc is the same way. I had to see him not too long ago on an emergency basis after feeling suicidal. He was nice enough to return my call at 12:30am and advised me to go IP (which I didn't want to do since I was recently in the hospital for my bipolar). Since I didn't want to go to the hospital, he agreed to fit me a few days later during his lunch hour. My next appointment with him is next Friday. I'm excited about that because if my Clonazepam continues working as well as it has, it means it will be over a week that I haven't rapid cycled. I haven't been doing too well lately, so it will be a nice change.
it is great to have responses to posts. on another site they are quite frequently ignored which make me feel invisible! am seeing tdoc today, haven't seen her for a long time but have been in touch by phone. i was seeing pdoc regularly so didn't need to see her that much. with pdoc so busy and only talks about meds now when we do talk i need to see her. am looking forward to it because she is a great listener and always gives good feedback.
avoiding rapid cycling is great, i find i still do it at night which is a bit of apain in the neck but am still hopeful that meds will continue to improve.
irishwriter
03-05-2009, 04:26 AM
Irish,
Klonopin is the strongest Benzo there is, and highly addictive, if your taking is solely for Anxiety, there's an alternative you might try. My pdoc switched me to Buspar, which is an Anti-Anxiety med, and it's working pretty well, it controls my anxiety, with the increase he did on Monday, but don't have to worry about the Benzo problems. Just a thought for you, from reading your post.
Hope you're having an okay day.
kat
thanks katlin, tried buspar but didn't do anything for me. one would have to be taking a lot of klonopin for a long time to become addicted. i don't usually even take what is prescribed 1mg three times/day, usually only take it once or twice at .5 mg with xanax sometimes .5 for rapid cycling and anxiety. it works well for me so far but still rapid cycle at night when it is also hardest to resist cutting. also sometimes in morning before i take meds.
hope you have improved situation wise and personally. thinking of you and thanks again.
Klonopin is the strongest Benzo there is, and highly addictive, if your taking is solely for Anxiety, there's an alternative you might try. My pdoc switched me to Buspar, which is an Anti-Anxiety med, and it's working pretty well, it controls my anxiety, with the increase he did on Monday, but don't have to worry about the Benzo problems. Just a thought for you, from reading your post.
Hope you're having an okay day.
kat
thanks katlin, tried buspar but didn't do anything for me. one would have to be taking a lot of klonopin for a long time to become addicted. i don't usually even take what is prescribed 1mg three times/day, usually only take it once or twice at .5 mg with xanax sometimes .5 for rapid cycling and anxiety. it works well for me so far but still rapid cycle at night when it is also hardest to resist cutting. also sometimes in morning before i take meds.
hope you have improved situation wise and personally. thinking of you and thanks again.
dreams in neon
03-05-2009, 05:57 AM
Hi everyone,
Just wanted to report that ever since starting Clonazepam 7 days ago, I haven't rapid cycled once. Tonight my boyfriend took me out for my favorite Italian dinner to celebrate. Afterwards, we went out for ice cream. It was a nice evening. My boyfriend also bought me a card in Braille that said "Congratulations!" with a hand written note that he read aloud. The note indicated he would continue to stick by me no matter how severe my BP became and that although rapid cycling would be something I'd always have to deal with, we would deal with it together day by day. Needless to say, I was brought to tears! When I see my pdoc on Monday, he's getting another huge bear hug from me!
Just wanted to report that ever since starting Clonazepam 7 days ago, I haven't rapid cycled once. Tonight my boyfriend took me out for my favorite Italian dinner to celebrate. Afterwards, we went out for ice cream. It was a nice evening. My boyfriend also bought me a card in Braille that said "Congratulations!" with a hand written note that he read aloud. The note indicated he would continue to stick by me no matter how severe my BP became and that although rapid cycling would be something I'd always have to deal with, we would deal with it together day by day. Needless to say, I was brought to tears! When I see my pdoc on Monday, he's getting another huge bear hug from me!
dreams in neon
03-05-2009, 06:00 AM
irishwriter,
Are you currently on a med like Clonazepam to help control your rapid cycling? I've been taking Clonazepam for the past 7 days and haven't rapid cycled once. I find that if I take 2-3 pills/day, it prevents cycling for 24 hours before I need to take my next dose.
Let us know how your tdoc appointment goes. I hope all goes well. Smile.
Are you currently on a med like Clonazepam to help control your rapid cycling? I've been taking Clonazepam for the past 7 days and haven't rapid cycled once. I find that if I take 2-3 pills/day, it prevents cycling for 24 hours before I need to take my next dose.
Let us know how your tdoc appointment goes. I hope all goes well. Smile.
irishwriter
03-06-2009, 04:49 AM
Hi everyone,
Just wanted to report that ever since starting Clonazepam 7 days ago, I haven't rapid cycled once. Tonight my boyfriend took me out for my favorite Italian dinner to celebrate. Afterwards, we went out for ice cream. It was a nice evening. My boyfriend also bought me a card in Braille that said "Congratulations!" with a hand written note that he read aloud. The note indicated he would continue to stick by me no matter how severe my BP became and that although rapid cycling would be something I'd always have to deal with, we would deal with it together day by day. Needless to say, I was brought to tears! When I see my pdoc on Monday, he's getting another huge bear hug from me!
dreams,
nice one. so glad you have someone in your life as i get very lonely all the time with no support where i live. sounds like you had a great night. yes the klonopin is great to prevent rapid cycling and anxiety (non specific). it is indeed a good drug. i take .5 twice or three times/day. tdoc apt went well yesterday, she's great and had attended a seminar on sh during the week and had some helpful suggestions. i get an hour with her whenever i need it. she was astonished that i showed up as she knows how diffictult it is for me to leave the house but am glad i did.
Just wanted to report that ever since starting Clonazepam 7 days ago, I haven't rapid cycled once. Tonight my boyfriend took me out for my favorite Italian dinner to celebrate. Afterwards, we went out for ice cream. It was a nice evening. My boyfriend also bought me a card in Braille that said "Congratulations!" with a hand written note that he read aloud. The note indicated he would continue to stick by me no matter how severe my BP became and that although rapid cycling would be something I'd always have to deal with, we would deal with it together day by day. Needless to say, I was brought to tears! When I see my pdoc on Monday, he's getting another huge bear hug from me!
dreams,
nice one. so glad you have someone in your life as i get very lonely all the time with no support where i live. sounds like you had a great night. yes the klonopin is great to prevent rapid cycling and anxiety (non specific). it is indeed a good drug. i take .5 twice or three times/day. tdoc apt went well yesterday, she's great and had attended a seminar on sh during the week and had some helpful suggestions. i get an hour with her whenever i need it. she was astonished that i showed up as she knows how diffictult it is for me to leave the house but am glad i did.
dreams in neon
03-06-2009, 05:13 AM
irishwriter,
I'm glad your tdoc appointment went well! Would you mind sharing some of the techniques your tdoc learned to deal with SH? I still struggle with SH and am looking for anything I can do to manage it.
I'm glad your tdoc appointment went well! Would you mind sharing some of the techniques your tdoc learned to deal with SH? I still struggle with SH and am looking for anything I can do to manage it.
irishwriter
03-07-2009, 05:25 AM
irishwriter,
I'm glad your tdoc appointment went well! Would you mind sharing some of the techniques your tdoc learned to deal with SH? I still struggle with SH and am looking for anything I can do to manage it.
dreams
she attended seminar during the week and apart from the usual suggestions of ice and massaging spot etc. she said that she was most impressed by two sister who spoke one of whom has been cut fee now for a year and a half and her reccommendation was not to stop cold turkey but to try and reduct it each time, know your body and keep away from veins, keep cuts not deep and keep them clean. makes sense to me and i have actually reduced from 100 last sat to 14 on tues, 9 on wed, 5 on thurs but 10 yesterday in two fives but yesterday was a bad day and i guess i have to accept that and am determined to try and wean off it. i'll give it a good try anyway. she also told me that she would photocopy some of the book she got there.
hope this helps in some way for you.
I'm glad your tdoc appointment went well! Would you mind sharing some of the techniques your tdoc learned to deal with SH? I still struggle with SH and am looking for anything I can do to manage it.
dreams
she attended seminar during the week and apart from the usual suggestions of ice and massaging spot etc. she said that she was most impressed by two sister who spoke one of whom has been cut fee now for a year and a half and her reccommendation was not to stop cold turkey but to try and reduct it each time, know your body and keep away from veins, keep cuts not deep and keep them clean. makes sense to me and i have actually reduced from 100 last sat to 14 on tues, 9 on wed, 5 on thurs but 10 yesterday in two fives but yesterday was a bad day and i guess i have to accept that and am determined to try and wean off it. i'll give it a good try anyway. she also told me that she would photocopy some of the book she got there.
hope this helps in some way for you.
dreams in neon
03-07-2009, 08:08 AM
I feel so frustrated in dealing with my SH because everyone focuses so much on cutting, but not on other behaviors. I don't cut. I have other behaviors (like punching myself, scratching myself and applying blunt objects to my skin). I guess I'll have to talk to my tdoc for suggestions as to how I can get this under control. Everytime I'm depressed I SH. I'm struggling right now with depression and don't know how to stop my behaviors. Right now I'm posting to the board so that I can stop myself from SHing.
katlin09
03-08-2009, 12:08 AM
Dreams,
You might think about a DBT group....they focus their 4 objectives to teaching skill sets that apply to anything from SH (whatever you do) to suicidal ideations/intents, eating disorders, etc. The groups that I'm joinging, I'll be the only one out of 9 that is going in for SH, the other 8 are there for different things. I'm also there for the suicidal intent problems, but not sure if anyone else is there for that. I know it's frustrating when it seems like everyone who SI's cuts...but I think that is the most "popular" SH/SI technique. And I hate describing it like that, since it makes it sound like something good, but in my current state couldn't think of anything else. There are a few other people on the SI Board that use other methods, punching, burning, etc. and not cutting, so you are not alone. And let me just say that going to your PC and posting to avoid harming yourself is a great thing, a great way to process an alternative coping skill, you're doing a really great job, especially with the depression right now. I wish I were that strong, I wasn't able to to go with an alternative yesterday or today.....
Stay strong my friend, kat.
You might think about a DBT group....they focus their 4 objectives to teaching skill sets that apply to anything from SH (whatever you do) to suicidal ideations/intents, eating disorders, etc. The groups that I'm joinging, I'll be the only one out of 9 that is going in for SH, the other 8 are there for different things. I'm also there for the suicidal intent problems, but not sure if anyone else is there for that. I know it's frustrating when it seems like everyone who SI's cuts...but I think that is the most "popular" SH/SI technique. And I hate describing it like that, since it makes it sound like something good, but in my current state couldn't think of anything else. There are a few other people on the SI Board that use other methods, punching, burning, etc. and not cutting, so you are not alone. And let me just say that going to your PC and posting to avoid harming yourself is a great thing, a great way to process an alternative coping skill, you're doing a really great job, especially with the depression right now. I wish I were that strong, I wasn't able to to go with an alternative yesterday or today.....
Stay strong my friend, kat.
dreams in neon
03-08-2009, 12:20 AM
Kat,
I have to admit that I SHed several times today. The depression was just too much, but the SH felt so good because I was finally in control. I don't know if that makes any sense, but it's how I feel. If I continue to feel depressed throughout the weekend, I think my focus in T will have to shift from bipolar and PTSD to SH.
I have to admit that I SHed several times today. The depression was just too much, but the SH felt so good because I was finally in control. I don't know if that makes any sense, but it's how I feel. If I continue to feel depressed throughout the weekend, I think my focus in T will have to shift from bipolar and PTSD to SH.
katlin09
03-08-2009, 12:50 AM
Dreams,
Makes perfect sense to me...alot of the time it's the reasoning behind why I do it. When my husband assaulted me a few weeks ago, I sh'd alot and that was part of the reason, because for a week or so I just felt like I had no control over my life, everyone was telling me what to do, or what I should do....and that was the one thing that nobody could tell me how to do or when to do, etc.
The majority of my T appts. focus on my SH as that's a major really severe problem, I mean I've been to urgent care for stitches 4 times since July....and I don't generally do little shallow cuts or scratches, if you know what I mean. So during T we focus on that alot, and whether I'm suing alternative methods and if I have my index cards with my coping skills posted all over the house and car, etc., and what causes it.
kat
Makes perfect sense to me...alot of the time it's the reasoning behind why I do it. When my husband assaulted me a few weeks ago, I sh'd alot and that was part of the reason, because for a week or so I just felt like I had no control over my life, everyone was telling me what to do, or what I should do....and that was the one thing that nobody could tell me how to do or when to do, etc.
The majority of my T appts. focus on my SH as that's a major really severe problem, I mean I've been to urgent care for stitches 4 times since July....and I don't generally do little shallow cuts or scratches, if you know what I mean. So during T we focus on that alot, and whether I'm suing alternative methods and if I have my index cards with my coping skills posted all over the house and car, etc., and what causes it.
kat
irishwriter
03-08-2009, 06:33 AM
irishwriter,
I'm glad your tdoc appointment went well! Would you mind sharing some of the techniques your tdoc learned to deal with SH? I still struggle with SH and am looking for anything I can do to manage it.
dreams, am sure that these techniques work well with any type of sh. i used to be anorexic, shredded my scalp and burned with cigarettes all types of sh so you are not alone, i just found that cutting provided the most relief and am finding reduction is a better way of dealing with it although i still have ups and downs with it which is to be expected. again i hope this is helpful to you.
I'm glad your tdoc appointment went well! Would you mind sharing some of the techniques your tdoc learned to deal with SH? I still struggle with SH and am looking for anything I can do to manage it.
dreams, am sure that these techniques work well with any type of sh. i used to be anorexic, shredded my scalp and burned with cigarettes all types of sh so you are not alone, i just found that cutting provided the most relief and am finding reduction is a better way of dealing with it although i still have ups and downs with it which is to be expected. again i hope this is helpful to you.
dreams in neon
03-08-2009, 09:34 AM
Kat and irishwriter,
I need to talk to my tdoc tomorrow about my SH because it's getting to the point where it's something I automatically do whenever I'm feeling depressed. I feel depressed again this morning. I'm too tired to cry, so the next best thing is SH. I'm trying to avoid that by posting on the board, but there are only so many posts to read and respond to. What I think I'm going to do even though it may increase my depression is take one extra Clonazepam today in the hopes that it will calm me down enough so that I don't SH. I don't know. Perhaps I should be posting all of this on the SH board, but I can't go there because it's too triggering for me.
I need to talk to my tdoc tomorrow about my SH because it's getting to the point where it's something I automatically do whenever I'm feeling depressed. I feel depressed again this morning. I'm too tired to cry, so the next best thing is SH. I'm trying to avoid that by posting on the board, but there are only so many posts to read and respond to. What I think I'm going to do even though it may increase my depression is take one extra Clonazepam today in the hopes that it will calm me down enough so that I don't SH. I don't know. Perhaps I should be posting all of this on the SH board, but I can't go there because it's too triggering for me.
katlin09
03-08-2009, 07:36 PM
Dreams,
If the SH Board is triggering for you then stay away from it. You're fine here and we can support you just fine, okay. First rule of gettin support for SH/SI stay away from triggers.
I'll come clean, I got another black eye yesterday from my loving husband and it caused me to cut up my thighs pretty bad. So you're not the only one who has problems controlling the urges, we all fight it and sometimes lose the fight, but try to pick ourselves up and try for a better day next time. I'm tired of the fight to be perfectly honest, but know that if I give up, I won't be around much longer, i keep trying for my son's sake, but that's pretty much the only reason.
kat
If the SH Board is triggering for you then stay away from it. You're fine here and we can support you just fine, okay. First rule of gettin support for SH/SI stay away from triggers.
I'll come clean, I got another black eye yesterday from my loving husband and it caused me to cut up my thighs pretty bad. So you're not the only one who has problems controlling the urges, we all fight it and sometimes lose the fight, but try to pick ourselves up and try for a better day next time. I'm tired of the fight to be perfectly honest, but know that if I give up, I won't be around much longer, i keep trying for my son's sake, but that's pretty much the only reason.
kat
dreams in neon
03-08-2009, 08:54 PM
Kat,
I'm glad you're not giving up and I'm so sorry about what happened to you. ((((((Kat)))))) You and I will pull through. We have no other choice, do we?
I'm glad you're not giving up and I'm so sorry about what happened to you. ((((((Kat)))))) You and I will pull through. We have no other choice, do we?
katlin09
03-08-2009, 09:10 PM
Dreams,
I'm trying to stay with you on that, we have no other choice...I keep telling myself that, so that the other "choice" doesn't stay in my mind. I want to keep going but sometimes I just don't know how. But I'll keep you as my leader and try to keep going, and limit my choices.
kat
I'm trying to stay with you on that, we have no other choice...I keep telling myself that, so that the other "choice" doesn't stay in my mind. I want to keep going but sometimes I just don't know how. But I'll keep you as my leader and try to keep going, and limit my choices.
kat
mowgli
03-09-2009, 02:37 AM
oo- katlin that makes me mad that your husband would do that to you, and except that it would probably make things worse I hope that one day you give him one back instead of internalising it and taking out on yourself- oh, see then by doing that though it can't really be much worse can it? I don't know- I just know that it's not right:mad: and you are too good to deserve that kind of treatment!
Dreams- I don't know what to say to you- I cut when I s/h- i have been known to do the thing with the blunt object if I'm trying to keep control in public, but I don't really think of that as me s/h- just using it as a focus point. I guess the first thing would be to figure out why you hurt yourself, is it to prove to yourself you have control of your life still? or because you think you deserve the pain? or as an outlet for your feelings? or some other reason? Well that's my reasoning anyway- figuring out the why so then i can work through the issues bought up by that reason- mine mostly being a control thing, with a fair bit of self dislike thrown in (that and getting very suicidal for a while there). I am not as obsessive about it as I used to be- in fact I hadn't done it for about ten years, but with the last bout of depression it kicked in again. I also think that the anti-depressant my pdoc put me on was a trigger- for that and a fair amount of anxiety... me and ssri's don't go well together. So now I'm on cymbalta and have mini seroquels for when my brain gets the better of me and after being ip for two weeks (getting a much needed break from it all) I am treading very gently trying to avoid any triggers- or hoping to recognise and deal with them before they jump up and bite me on the bum.
Do either of you have plans in place for if the urge hits- like people to call? or go for a walk or drive? Somewhere to go where you will be safe from yourself? That was the most effective thing about being IP for me- even though I still wanted to for the first few days- I couldn't.
So now I've ranted and jibbered on again, I will go and rant and rave on another thread! Just both of you stay safe. You are both loved and needed indeed.
Dreams- I don't know what to say to you- I cut when I s/h- i have been known to do the thing with the blunt object if I'm trying to keep control in public, but I don't really think of that as me s/h- just using it as a focus point. I guess the first thing would be to figure out why you hurt yourself, is it to prove to yourself you have control of your life still? or because you think you deserve the pain? or as an outlet for your feelings? or some other reason? Well that's my reasoning anyway- figuring out the why so then i can work through the issues bought up by that reason- mine mostly being a control thing, with a fair bit of self dislike thrown in (that and getting very suicidal for a while there). I am not as obsessive about it as I used to be- in fact I hadn't done it for about ten years, but with the last bout of depression it kicked in again. I also think that the anti-depressant my pdoc put me on was a trigger- for that and a fair amount of anxiety... me and ssri's don't go well together. So now I'm on cymbalta and have mini seroquels for when my brain gets the better of me and after being ip for two weeks (getting a much needed break from it all) I am treading very gently trying to avoid any triggers- or hoping to recognise and deal with them before they jump up and bite me on the bum.
Do either of you have plans in place for if the urge hits- like people to call? or go for a walk or drive? Somewhere to go where you will be safe from yourself? That was the most effective thing about being IP for me- even though I still wanted to for the first few days- I couldn't.
So now I've ranted and jibbered on again, I will go and rant and rave on another thread! Just both of you stay safe. You are both loved and needed indeed.
irishwriter
03-09-2009, 05:29 AM
hi,
oo- katlin that makes me mad that your husband would do that to you, and except that it would probably make things worse I hope that one day you give him one back instead of internalising it and taking out on yourself- oh, see then by doing that though it can't really be much worse can it? I don't know- I just know that it's not right:mad: and you are too good to deserve that kind of treatment!
Dreams- I don't know what to say to you- I cut when I s/h- i have been known to do the thing with the blunt object if I'm trying to keep control in public, but I don't really think of that as me s/h- just using it as a focus point. I guess the first thing would be to figure out why you hurt yourself, is it to prove to yourself you have control of your life still? or because you think you deserve the pain? or as an outlet for your feelings? or some other reason? Well that's my reasoning anyway- figuring out the why so then i can work through the issues bought up by that reason- mine mostly being a control thing, with a fair bit of self dislike thrown in (that and getting very suicidal for a while there). I am not as obsessive about it as I used to be- in fact I hadn't done it for about ten years, but with the last bout of depression it kicked in again. I also think that the anti-depressant my pdoc put me on was a trigger- for that and a fair amount of anxiety... me and ssri's don't go well together. So now I'm on cymbalta and have mini seroquels for when my brain gets the better of me and after being ip for two weeks (getting a much needed break from it all) I am treading very gently trying to avoid any triggers- or hoping to recognise and deal with them before they jump up and bite me on the bum.
Do either of you have plans in place for if the urge hits- like people to call? or go for a walk or drive? Somewhere to go where you will be safe from yourself? That was the most effective thing about being IP for me- even though I still wanted to for the first few days- I couldn't.
So now I've ranted and jibbered on again, I will go and rant and rave on another thread! Just both of you stay safe. You are both loved and needed indeed.
hi,
for me cutting is a way to relieve the pain of depression and suicidal urges. am hoping new meds will help with that.
oo- katlin that makes me mad that your husband would do that to you, and except that it would probably make things worse I hope that one day you give him one back instead of internalising it and taking out on yourself- oh, see then by doing that though it can't really be much worse can it? I don't know- I just know that it's not right:mad: and you are too good to deserve that kind of treatment!
Dreams- I don't know what to say to you- I cut when I s/h- i have been known to do the thing with the blunt object if I'm trying to keep control in public, but I don't really think of that as me s/h- just using it as a focus point. I guess the first thing would be to figure out why you hurt yourself, is it to prove to yourself you have control of your life still? or because you think you deserve the pain? or as an outlet for your feelings? or some other reason? Well that's my reasoning anyway- figuring out the why so then i can work through the issues bought up by that reason- mine mostly being a control thing, with a fair bit of self dislike thrown in (that and getting very suicidal for a while there). I am not as obsessive about it as I used to be- in fact I hadn't done it for about ten years, but with the last bout of depression it kicked in again. I also think that the anti-depressant my pdoc put me on was a trigger- for that and a fair amount of anxiety... me and ssri's don't go well together. So now I'm on cymbalta and have mini seroquels for when my brain gets the better of me and after being ip for two weeks (getting a much needed break from it all) I am treading very gently trying to avoid any triggers- or hoping to recognise and deal with them before they jump up and bite me on the bum.
Do either of you have plans in place for if the urge hits- like people to call? or go for a walk or drive? Somewhere to go where you will be safe from yourself? That was the most effective thing about being IP for me- even though I still wanted to for the first few days- I couldn't.
So now I've ranted and jibbered on again, I will go and rant and rave on another thread! Just both of you stay safe. You are both loved and needed indeed.
hi,
for me cutting is a way to relieve the pain of depression and suicidal urges. am hoping new meds will help with that.
irishwriter
03-09-2009, 05:34 AM
Kat and irishwriter,
I need to talk to my tdoc tomorrow about my SH because it's getting to the point where it's something I automatically do whenever I'm feeling depressed. I feel depressed again this morning. I'm too tired to cry, so the next best thing is SH. I'm trying to avoid that by posting on the board, but there are only so many posts to read and respond to. What I think I'm going to do even though it may increase my depression is take one extra Clonazepam today in the hopes that it will calm me down enough so that I don't SH. I don't know. Perhaps I should be posting all of this on the SH board, but I can't go there because it's too triggering for me.
dreams
kat is right. stay here an post, lots of good support on any aspect of the disease. i hope tdoc apt goes/went well.
I need to talk to my tdoc tomorrow about my SH because it's getting to the point where it's something I automatically do whenever I'm feeling depressed. I feel depressed again this morning. I'm too tired to cry, so the next best thing is SH. I'm trying to avoid that by posting on the board, but there are only so many posts to read and respond to. What I think I'm going to do even though it may increase my depression is take one extra Clonazepam today in the hopes that it will calm me down enough so that I don't SH. I don't know. Perhaps I should be posting all of this on the SH board, but I can't go there because it's too triggering for me.
dreams
kat is right. stay here an post, lots of good support on any aspect of the disease. i hope tdoc apt goes/went well.
dreams in neon
03-09-2009, 05:39 AM
dreams
kat is right. stay here an post, lots of good support on any aspect of the disease. i hope tdoc apt goes/went well.
Will do. I'll be sure to let you know how my pdoc and tdoc appointment go later today.
kat is right. stay here an post, lots of good support on any aspect of the disease. i hope tdoc apt goes/went well.
Will do. I'll be sure to let you know how my pdoc and tdoc appointment go later today.