seaturtle
03-06-2009, 12:01 AM
I hope this is okay to post here.
I've been really hypersexual recently, to the point of it being almost painful and actually annoying. I don't want to go acting on it, but I wish it would stop.
Any suggestions?
Mods - if this is taboo topic, please do delete.
I've been really hypersexual recently, to the point of it being almost painful and actually annoying. I don't want to go acting on it, but I wish it would stop.
Any suggestions?
Mods - if this is taboo topic, please do delete.
Sponsor
dreams in neon
03-06-2009, 12:05 AM
I also have problems with hypersexuality when I'm manic. The only way I've found to deal with it is to avoid people and stay home because if I don't, I end up talking to strangers whether they want to have a conversation with me or not. I tend to get very flirtatious when manic, so I need to be careful.
katlin09
03-06-2009, 01:03 AM
That's interesting becaue I'm just the opposite, I could care a less about sex or anything related to it....I guess it's because I'm depressed all the time???
dreams in neon
03-06-2009, 02:15 AM
Kat,
I think you're right. Hypersexuality is normally seen in manic episodes -- not depressive episodes.
I think you're right. Hypersexuality is normally seen in manic episodes -- not depressive episodes.
katlin09
03-06-2009, 05:58 PM
Dreams,
You know I never thought about it one way or the other. Probably I guess because I never think about sex. It is an interesting correlation though.
kat
You know I never thought about it one way or the other. Probably I guess because I never think about sex. It is an interesting correlation though.
kat
dreams in neon
03-06-2009, 07:02 PM
Kat,
What's interesting in my case is the fact that I've always been very uncomfortable talking about sex because of the abuse I experienced as a child into my teenage years. However, when I'm manic, all of my discomfort goes completely out the window.
What's interesting in my case is the fact that I've always been very uncomfortable talking about sex because of the abuse I experienced as a child into my teenage years. However, when I'm manic, all of my discomfort goes completely out the window.
seaturtle
03-07-2009, 12:50 AM
Ditto, neondreams!
katlin09
03-07-2009, 01:10 AM
See I'm the same way and thought that the reason I didn't care about sex was because of the 5 years of molestion from the time I was 9 on.....and it's been much much worse the past year and a half, when I memory bank unlocked itself....so it maybe a combination of that and the depression.
kat
kat
dreams in neon
03-07-2009, 04:20 AM
Seaturtle and Kat,
In Kat's case, it could be a combination of discomfort and depression. I know for me it's due to the fact that I was sexually abused over many years. Despite this, I still need to be careful of hypersexuality because if I don't, I could end up in a relationship I shouldn't be in since I talk to anyone and anything that moves. I don't have any inhibitions while manic and I lack judgement when it comes to making sound decisions about who I should and shouldn't talk to. This is why I try to stay home and avoid people when I'm manic. The consequences are too great if I don't.
In Kat's case, it could be a combination of discomfort and depression. I know for me it's due to the fact that I was sexually abused over many years. Despite this, I still need to be careful of hypersexuality because if I don't, I could end up in a relationship I shouldn't be in since I talk to anyone and anything that moves. I don't have any inhibitions while manic and I lack judgement when it comes to making sound decisions about who I should and shouldn't talk to. This is why I try to stay home and avoid people when I'm manic. The consequences are too great if I don't.
katlin09
03-08-2009, 01:22 AM
Dreams,
This is kind of off topic, but I remember you mentioning in another post that you had a serious relationship with a very nice man. Are you still seeing him?
kat
This is kind of off topic, but I remember you mentioning in another post that you had a serious relationship with a very nice man. Are you still seeing him?
kat
seaturtle
03-08-2009, 01:23 AM
kat,
I wonder, too about being on the pain meds. They pretty much knock everything out of you, as do the psych meds.
I'd imagine that's one of the last things on your priority list, too.
I hope you're hanging in there. Are you experiencing any less discomfoft?
Neondreams, we sound very much alike in this area. For long, even as an adult (until fairly recently, matter of fact), I thought abuse was normal. Yikes.
Seaturtle
I wonder, too about being on the pain meds. They pretty much knock everything out of you, as do the psych meds.
I'd imagine that's one of the last things on your priority list, too.
I hope you're hanging in there. Are you experiencing any less discomfoft?
Neondreams, we sound very much alike in this area. For long, even as an adult (until fairly recently, matter of fact), I thought abuse was normal. Yikes.
Seaturtle
katlin09
03-08-2009, 01:31 AM
you know dreams and I already think we are twins seperated at birth, perhaps we were all triplets seperated at birth, we have so much in common it's scary.
Seaturtle,
I'm okay, I guess. Today has been really bad, havn't been out of bed much, the depression is pretty bad, and the SH has been really bad yesterday and today, way too much drama with my ex. I felt bad cuz I haven't been online much and Dreams really needed a friend today, her depression is bad too. How are you have things settled down any? I read about your committments and groups and I think about mine which are zero because I never know if I'll be out of bed and able to fulfill the committments...and I feel rather pathetic.
My Tdoc always tries to get me to committ anyway, thinking that it will force me to go to them anyway...but I'm scared it will backfire and I'll let people down.....Oh well I'm not sure all of this came from, it just did.
kat
Seaturtle,
I'm okay, I guess. Today has been really bad, havn't been out of bed much, the depression is pretty bad, and the SH has been really bad yesterday and today, way too much drama with my ex. I felt bad cuz I haven't been online much and Dreams really needed a friend today, her depression is bad too. How are you have things settled down any? I read about your committments and groups and I think about mine which are zero because I never know if I'll be out of bed and able to fulfill the committments...and I feel rather pathetic.
My Tdoc always tries to get me to committ anyway, thinking that it will force me to go to them anyway...but I'm scared it will backfire and I'll let people down.....Oh well I'm not sure all of this came from, it just did.
kat
dreams in neon
03-08-2009, 10:00 AM
Seaturtle and Kat,
I think we must be the three musketeers. LOL! I'm glad I'm not the only one who considered abuse as being normal. It was strange because the only time I was able to get a break from everything that happened to me was school. It wasn't until I had an emotional breakdown in class during my senior year that one of my teachers asked me if I was having any problems at home. I lied to her and claimed I got into an argument with friends because I didn't want my father reported for sexual abuse and taken away. I still loved my father despite what he did to me and I didn't want my mother to raise me as a single parent. I guess everything eventually snowballed by 1991 when I started hearing voices. The pdoc who treated me at the time said my voices were a result of the traumas I experienced which makes sense. I also was showing signs (although I didn't know it at the time) of bipolar, so I wonder if my traumas caused that as well. I guess I'll never know. Then again, it probably doesn't matter since I have BP and the only thing I need to focus on is keeping as stable as possible.
I think we must be the three musketeers. LOL! I'm glad I'm not the only one who considered abuse as being normal. It was strange because the only time I was able to get a break from everything that happened to me was school. It wasn't until I had an emotional breakdown in class during my senior year that one of my teachers asked me if I was having any problems at home. I lied to her and claimed I got into an argument with friends because I didn't want my father reported for sexual abuse and taken away. I still loved my father despite what he did to me and I didn't want my mother to raise me as a single parent. I guess everything eventually snowballed by 1991 when I started hearing voices. The pdoc who treated me at the time said my voices were a result of the traumas I experienced which makes sense. I also was showing signs (although I didn't know it at the time) of bipolar, so I wonder if my traumas caused that as well. I guess I'll never know. Then again, it probably doesn't matter since I have BP and the only thing I need to focus on is keeping as stable as possible.
dreams in neon
03-08-2009, 10:03 AM
Kat,
Please don't feel bad about not being there for me yesterday. I was able to read several posts on the board which helped keep me occupied. I also spoke to my tdoc yesterday morning and that also made me feel a little better. If I'm still struggling with certain thoughts again today, I will call my tdoc and discuss the possibility of going IP since he is concerned aboout me developing psychotic depression.
Please don't feel bad about not being there for me yesterday. I was able to read several posts on the board which helped keep me occupied. I also spoke to my tdoc yesterday morning and that also made me feel a little better. If I'm still struggling with certain thoughts again today, I will call my tdoc and discuss the possibility of going IP since he is concerned aboout me developing psychotic depression.
katlin09
03-08-2009, 07:31 PM
Dreams,
Ditto once again, my father was in prison for 4 years for molesting my sister, he came home when I was 8, and started abusing me when I was 9. Never understood why my mother took him back in the house, as he had abused all of my siblings. She just cared only for herself. i also loved my father he alwasy told me if I told he'd have to go back to prison and I'd be alone with my mother. He knew how much I hated her and was scared of being alone with her.
It was interesting when my brain locked everything away, I'd had my father for Christmas every year of my adult life, even lived with him for 3 years, with my husband and child. Was always very close to him, as I didn't remember anything he'd done, but always felt slightly uncomfortable being alone with him and never could understand why.
I had my breakdown when I was 14 and had to spend 2 weeks in the hospital with an ulcer. Once again couldn't understand why my mother didn't do something, how many 14 yr. olds have an ulcer. Even the doctors at the hospital questioned her, as it was so unnormal. But she didn't care as usual.
So our bond at the 3 Musketeers grows stronger. *s*
kat
Ditto once again, my father was in prison for 4 years for molesting my sister, he came home when I was 8, and started abusing me when I was 9. Never understood why my mother took him back in the house, as he had abused all of my siblings. She just cared only for herself. i also loved my father he alwasy told me if I told he'd have to go back to prison and I'd be alone with my mother. He knew how much I hated her and was scared of being alone with her.
It was interesting when my brain locked everything away, I'd had my father for Christmas every year of my adult life, even lived with him for 3 years, with my husband and child. Was always very close to him, as I didn't remember anything he'd done, but always felt slightly uncomfortable being alone with him and never could understand why.
I had my breakdown when I was 14 and had to spend 2 weeks in the hospital with an ulcer. Once again couldn't understand why my mother didn't do something, how many 14 yr. olds have an ulcer. Even the doctors at the hospital questioned her, as it was so unnormal. But she didn't care as usual.
So our bond at the 3 Musketeers grows stronger. *s*
kat
dreams in neon
03-08-2009, 08:42 PM
Kat,
<hugs> I'm so sorry you went through all of that. I don't understand why adults choose to deliberately abuse children. It's not right and is so unfair. One day during an appointment with my tdoc, he asked me what I would say if I were able to confront my father. I said, "I'd tell him to rot in h*ll." Then I'd do everything he did to me and then some so I could make him suffer 10x worse than I did. I hate my father for what he did, but at the same time, I love him too. I don't know why, but that's the way I feel. I guess it's no different than someone who is abused by someone over and over again, but keeps returning to that relationship despite how physically and emotionally damaging it is. Then again, in my case, it doesn't matter one way or the other since my father and mother are deceased. All I can say is that I hope my father is paying the price for what he did.
<hugs> I'm so sorry you went through all of that. I don't understand why adults choose to deliberately abuse children. It's not right and is so unfair. One day during an appointment with my tdoc, he asked me what I would say if I were able to confront my father. I said, "I'd tell him to rot in h*ll." Then I'd do everything he did to me and then some so I could make him suffer 10x worse than I did. I hate my father for what he did, but at the same time, I love him too. I don't know why, but that's the way I feel. I guess it's no different than someone who is abused by someone over and over again, but keeps returning to that relationship despite how physically and emotionally damaging it is. Then again, in my case, it doesn't matter one way or the other since my father and mother are deceased. All I can say is that I hope my father is paying the price for what he did.
katlin09
03-08-2009, 08:59 PM
Dreams,
(((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))) for you too for your suffering. I've had a love/hate feeling for my father for the last year, but as this year came around it's turning more towards hate, I just don't feel anything good for him anymore. When both my tdoc & pdoc, since I've had counseling from both of them, asked me that question I said, "what after I kill him?" that pretty much told them how I feel.
What sucks is both my sorry assed stupid selfish son of a b**** parents are still alive. Hell my father is a deacon in his church and the ultimate Christian, everyone loves him. I hope he burns in Hell.
kat
(((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))) for you too for your suffering. I've had a love/hate feeling for my father for the last year, but as this year came around it's turning more towards hate, I just don't feel anything good for him anymore. When both my tdoc & pdoc, since I've had counseling from both of them, asked me that question I said, "what after I kill him?" that pretty much told them how I feel.
What sucks is both my sorry assed stupid selfish son of a b**** parents are still alive. Hell my father is a deacon in his church and the ultimate Christian, everyone loves him. I hope he burns in Hell.
kat
caitlin122
03-08-2009, 09:40 PM
I too am experiencing that right now. I have a boyfriend of 5 years, and I have been very sexual lately. I thought it was because I am reaching my 30's and maybe was hitting my peak, but looking at all my other symptoms as of lately, I'm now sure it's hypersexuality. I empathize with you. I really do. It's so hard to have continuous symptoms and not have answers all the time. I would suggest, staying at home, or hanging out with friends, not going out drinking, which will definitely increase your chances of any premiscuity, and keeping a low profile until it passes. I now it sucks that we have to change our lifestyle around our disorder, but it will keep you from making any mistakes you may regret later. I hope this helped!
seaturtle
03-08-2009, 09:58 PM
hi, everyone,
A deacon, huh? Well, mine was a doctor, the only doctor in a town in New Jersey (before that, in New York City, where I was born and lived most of my life).
Everyone thought he was a "wonderful man". So kind and understanding and giving to all his patients - and he was.
Such a good doctor, and he was.
He was the school doctor and the police surgeon.
So when I went to the high school counselor and told her there was something wrong and I feared and hated him, she said that couldn't possibly be, that there was something wrong with me.
When I became bulimic (after 3 years, I finally broke down and told Mother), she yelled "Stop that!" and secretly took me to a psychiatrist ("Don't you dare tell anyone, and your father is never to know about this.")
The psychiatrist: "I am a colleague of your father's, and I know you are making this up."
End of story. Well, not end, the beginning of a hellish life that included a couple of years of homelessness, a lot of sexual abuse (dangerous, some of it), poverty, panic disorder, agoraphobia, bp, migraines and infections that put me in the hospital.....enough details.
Sounds like triplets to me. I wonder how much of bp is direcly connected to trauma? I know that it is inherited - but abusive families are usually the result of abusive families, who are the result of abusive families. Both my parents suffered severe abuse as children, so I guess it was normal for them, too.
I used to hate him, but worked that through to the point of forgiveness. It took a long time, but when I realized how tortured he was, how he himself suffered, before anyone was getting psychiatric help or medications, I was able to see him as a very sick man, a man who probably did his best, miserable as he was. My t said he was a psychopath.
I got to the point where I sat with him every day while he was in a nursing home dying. I wanted to cut the chain of abuse and hatred that had plagued my family for generations. I no longer hate him or hold resentment--but I must say that if he were to reappear, I would cower in terror.
I am doing all right, trying to hold the mania down. To heck with the hypersexuality. I wish it would go away.
But I am lucky not to be in the depressive mode, and I feel for both of you. Kat, don't be afraid you'll let people down. If you are with the right people, they will not expect anything other than just you, just the way they are. I wish you could come to my bp support group. We land there in all kinds of shape.
Enough for now, hugs to everyone, all the good people here,
Seaturtle
A deacon, huh? Well, mine was a doctor, the only doctor in a town in New Jersey (before that, in New York City, where I was born and lived most of my life).
Everyone thought he was a "wonderful man". So kind and understanding and giving to all his patients - and he was.
Such a good doctor, and he was.
He was the school doctor and the police surgeon.
So when I went to the high school counselor and told her there was something wrong and I feared and hated him, she said that couldn't possibly be, that there was something wrong with me.
When I became bulimic (after 3 years, I finally broke down and told Mother), she yelled "Stop that!" and secretly took me to a psychiatrist ("Don't you dare tell anyone, and your father is never to know about this.")
The psychiatrist: "I am a colleague of your father's, and I know you are making this up."
End of story. Well, not end, the beginning of a hellish life that included a couple of years of homelessness, a lot of sexual abuse (dangerous, some of it), poverty, panic disorder, agoraphobia, bp, migraines and infections that put me in the hospital.....enough details.
Sounds like triplets to me. I wonder how much of bp is direcly connected to trauma? I know that it is inherited - but abusive families are usually the result of abusive families, who are the result of abusive families. Both my parents suffered severe abuse as children, so I guess it was normal for them, too.
I used to hate him, but worked that through to the point of forgiveness. It took a long time, but when I realized how tortured he was, how he himself suffered, before anyone was getting psychiatric help or medications, I was able to see him as a very sick man, a man who probably did his best, miserable as he was. My t said he was a psychopath.
I got to the point where I sat with him every day while he was in a nursing home dying. I wanted to cut the chain of abuse and hatred that had plagued my family for generations. I no longer hate him or hold resentment--but I must say that if he were to reappear, I would cower in terror.
I am doing all right, trying to hold the mania down. To heck with the hypersexuality. I wish it would go away.
But I am lucky not to be in the depressive mode, and I feel for both of you. Kat, don't be afraid you'll let people down. If you are with the right people, they will not expect anything other than just you, just the way they are. I wish you could come to my bp support group. We land there in all kinds of shape.
Enough for now, hugs to everyone, all the good people here,
Seaturtle
dreams in neon
03-08-2009, 10:05 PM
Seaturtle,
Speaking of BP support groups, I've finally decided to call the ones that are in my area. All of them are quite a distance away from where I live, but perhaps I can share a ride with another group member. I really need to discuss my feelings and frustrations about having BP because I can't do this alone. None of us can.
Speaking of BP support groups, I've finally decided to call the ones that are in my area. All of them are quite a distance away from where I live, but perhaps I can share a ride with another group member. I really need to discuss my feelings and frustrations about having BP because I can't do this alone. None of us can.
katlin09
03-08-2009, 11:19 PM
thing about the sperm donor who calls himself my father...he was never abused as a child, and did not lead a tortured life...so what's his excuse...I'll never find a reason to forgive him or even speak to him. ....as both my pdoc adn tdoc have reccomeded that I have no contact with him or my mother, and it's been over a year since I have.
mowgli
03-09-2009, 04:46 AM
Well-when I read the title for this post I was going to offer some empathy- hyper sexuality was one of the main things I identified with when I was diagnosed. This has been one of the main traits that has defined me as a person, even when I'm depressed it has to be severe before it effects it.
Then I read what you ladies have been through. So I'm going to say something else instead, and then ask some advice of you.
Congratulations. For being so strong. I have seen first hand what the sort of abuse you are talking about can do a young girl. The changes that have been wreaked in her life, the self-hatred, the self blame, the conflict caused by the hatred of the person who did it and the love for him, and the self-abuse of herself and effect it has had on her family. What this man did to this girl wasn't just the performance sexual acts- it changed who she is and changed her future- for a while there it looked like it would destroy her. But like you ladies, she has incredible strength and inner resources. She suffers depression as you would expect, but does what she has to, to get through life in one piece, and is doing a damn fine job. She makes mistakes, drinks a bit sometimes does drugs, but I imagine there is an awful lot of pain there and I hear she is trying to stay away from the drugs, and good for her! For a while there she had an awful lot of anger over what happened (and i'm sure she still does, but handles it differently), now thanks to a new counsellor who understands the need to deal with what happened instead of trying not be angry and letting her not confront her feelings she is slowly making headway.
I am not lying when I tell you, that of all the people I know anywhere, this young lady (she was 8 when it started and 13 when she spoke up), who is all of 15 years old, has the most of my love and respect. I find it truly amazing the way she has gotten to this point still intact. She is good kid and although she has made some errors in judgement, she faces life with more sense, self-responsibilty and gumption than many adults I know.
...and I imagine from getting to know "The Three Musketteers"- Seaturtle, Katlin and Dreams in Neon you three have done the same. I doubt that I could have.
So now for some advice... As I said, she suffers from depression, she is on fluxotine, she has also been diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder. I spoke to her at one point about her meds and she said that she didn't like taking them because they send her hypo, her mum did also point out wasn't taking them regularly. This was about 6 months ago, and she has improved somewhat, but it made me wonder of the possibility of BP. Her age and the other diagnosis ( i don't know what behavioural traits PTSD incurs) have made me hesitant to mention anything to her or her mum, as I'm not sure if the behaviour I am concerned about is attributable to PTSD, BP, the abuse, or if i'm just reading too much in to it.
Thanks for listening, sorry for rambling, and I hope I haven't upset anyone.
Then I read what you ladies have been through. So I'm going to say something else instead, and then ask some advice of you.
Congratulations. For being so strong. I have seen first hand what the sort of abuse you are talking about can do a young girl. The changes that have been wreaked in her life, the self-hatred, the self blame, the conflict caused by the hatred of the person who did it and the love for him, and the self-abuse of herself and effect it has had on her family. What this man did to this girl wasn't just the performance sexual acts- it changed who she is and changed her future- for a while there it looked like it would destroy her. But like you ladies, she has incredible strength and inner resources. She suffers depression as you would expect, but does what she has to, to get through life in one piece, and is doing a damn fine job. She makes mistakes, drinks a bit sometimes does drugs, but I imagine there is an awful lot of pain there and I hear she is trying to stay away from the drugs, and good for her! For a while there she had an awful lot of anger over what happened (and i'm sure she still does, but handles it differently), now thanks to a new counsellor who understands the need to deal with what happened instead of trying not be angry and letting her not confront her feelings she is slowly making headway.
I am not lying when I tell you, that of all the people I know anywhere, this young lady (she was 8 when it started and 13 when she spoke up), who is all of 15 years old, has the most of my love and respect. I find it truly amazing the way she has gotten to this point still intact. She is good kid and although she has made some errors in judgement, she faces life with more sense, self-responsibilty and gumption than many adults I know.
...and I imagine from getting to know "The Three Musketteers"- Seaturtle, Katlin and Dreams in Neon you three have done the same. I doubt that I could have.
So now for some advice... As I said, she suffers from depression, she is on fluxotine, she has also been diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder. I spoke to her at one point about her meds and she said that she didn't like taking them because they send her hypo, her mum did also point out wasn't taking them regularly. This was about 6 months ago, and she has improved somewhat, but it made me wonder of the possibility of BP. Her age and the other diagnosis ( i don't know what behavioural traits PTSD incurs) have made me hesitant to mention anything to her or her mum, as I'm not sure if the behaviour I am concerned about is attributable to PTSD, BP, the abuse, or if i'm just reading too much in to it.
Thanks for listening, sorry for rambling, and I hope I haven't upset anyone.
dreams in neon
03-09-2009, 05:29 AM
Anti-depressants like Fluoxetine when taken alone can cause hypomania and mania in people who have bipolar. I take Fluoxetine myself, but I'm also on 3 mood stabilizers (Depakote, Geodon and Topamax which I take for migraines) to prevent me from experiencing a full-blown manic episode. I've been diagnosed with PTSD since January although my tdoc believes I've suffered from it for the past 20 years, but didn't know it.
katlin09
03-09-2009, 11:18 AM
Mowgli,
Hi, I and neither of my other Musketeers, and I feel safe to speak for them, would never be upset by a fellow defeater of the Monster who asks legitimate questions, and clearly feels so much love, pain and respect for this child, who sadly like most of us, didn't get to be a child.
As Dreams said the anti-d's alone can sometimes be bad, mainly for BP'ers as they don't do nice things to the chemicals that are off in our brains and they frequently make one manic or hypomanic. I am on Cymbalta, but like Dreams am also on 3 mood stabilizers, (Lamictal, Abilify, and Topomax which I take for migraines and a seizure disorder) so that pretty much covers the dangerous side affect of the anti-d's.
I'm not sure who prescribes this girl's anti-d's but it might be worth it to talk to her mum about having her evaluated by a Psychiatrist. PTSD normally does not manifest itself in manic'ness. Normally it's more fear, panic attacks, anxiety, night terrors, that type of thing.
I wish you well in dealing with this, and I hope this child gets the help she needs and continues to get the love that she obviously is getting from you. I also appreciate the kind words you offered, as it's very hard to think of oneself as being "strong" when now as an adult I think back and realize that if I had just told someone, many years of suffering would have been erased, ah but the fear and ignorance of a child.....
kat
Hi, I and neither of my other Musketeers, and I feel safe to speak for them, would never be upset by a fellow defeater of the Monster who asks legitimate questions, and clearly feels so much love, pain and respect for this child, who sadly like most of us, didn't get to be a child.
As Dreams said the anti-d's alone can sometimes be bad, mainly for BP'ers as they don't do nice things to the chemicals that are off in our brains and they frequently make one manic or hypomanic. I am on Cymbalta, but like Dreams am also on 3 mood stabilizers, (Lamictal, Abilify, and Topomax which I take for migraines and a seizure disorder) so that pretty much covers the dangerous side affect of the anti-d's.
I'm not sure who prescribes this girl's anti-d's but it might be worth it to talk to her mum about having her evaluated by a Psychiatrist. PTSD normally does not manifest itself in manic'ness. Normally it's more fear, panic attacks, anxiety, night terrors, that type of thing.
I wish you well in dealing with this, and I hope this child gets the help she needs and continues to get the love that she obviously is getting from you. I also appreciate the kind words you offered, as it's very hard to think of oneself as being "strong" when now as an adult I think back and realize that if I had just told someone, many years of suffering would have been erased, ah but the fear and ignorance of a child.....
kat
seaturtle
03-10-2009, 12:24 AM
kat,
Until just before my father died, I felt that way. I did not see him from 1963 to l997, when he died. That kept me from my mother, and I do blame him for that, because he was abusing her, too.
I have forgiven to the extent I can, but never shall I forget. I guess I have forgiven the man, never will forgive his actions and what he did to me and how it has followed me all my life.
I am glad you are staying away from hm. Any contact I had with my sp.donor was poison (phone calls, once every few years).
Hang in there, kat,
Seaturtle
Until just before my father died, I felt that way. I did not see him from 1963 to l997, when he died. That kept me from my mother, and I do blame him for that, because he was abusing her, too.
I have forgiven to the extent I can, but never shall I forget. I guess I have forgiven the man, never will forgive his actions and what he did to me and how it has followed me all my life.
I am glad you are staying away from hm. Any contact I had with my sp.donor was poison (phone calls, once every few years).
Hang in there, kat,
Seaturtle
katlin09
03-10-2009, 12:35 AM
Seaturtle,
Yes the contact is poison. He wrote me a letter 2 weeks ago, and I knew I shouldn't have opened it...but I thought there just might be a word of apology in it...nope, and all the "crap" he said just about killed me. The SH was out of control and almost got to the point of no return, then the severe depression kicked in....all from a 3 paragraph letter....he still has all the power over me and I hate it!
kat
Yes the contact is poison. He wrote me a letter 2 weeks ago, and I knew I shouldn't have opened it...but I thought there just might be a word of apology in it...nope, and all the "crap" he said just about killed me. The SH was out of control and almost got to the point of no return, then the severe depression kicked in....all from a 3 paragraph letter....he still has all the power over me and I hate it!
kat