DGabriel10
03-24-2009, 01:07 AM
I am at my daughters and finally had a few minutes while she was doing homework to check in.
My visit with Mom and Dad went as well as could be expected. Mom was in relatively good humor. I could tell that she was not as "aware" as she has been on previous visits. Dad's bizzare behavior was less but it's obvious that he has slipped as well. I do know that he was out of bed wandering the Thursday night. I put him to bed with his blue bed socks on and put his shoes beside his chair in the den. When I arrived back at the facility the next morning he was sleeping but he had on his brown regular socks and his shoes were beside his bed. So the wondering continues.......
I did find out that Mom had another mini mental done recently. Her score was an 18 out of 30. A year ago she scored a 25.
When I left them they both had haircuts, showers, been out of the room for walks, and were in good humor. The next day mom was on the phone wanting the van so they could go home before nobody every came to see them. Sister 2 has the van so she got the first call. Sister 3 admitted that she didn't know how to talk to Mom. (the three of us were together at Mom and Dad's cleaning out closets). Sister 4 was at a birthday party just minutes away from mom and Dad. So I called Mom back and calmed her down with my normal blah blah blah. Sister 4 indicated that she would only go over "If she was called by the facility".
I called Mom on Sunday and she was in a very good mood. Sister 4 had stopped by for a few minutes earlier in the day. A moment of calm before today. Today mom had tried to leave the building "going home" on two separate occassions. The facility finally called Sister 4 tonight because Mom and Dad were both in wellness insisting that they were going home. Sister 4 did get them back to the room and into bed. Now it is BOTh of them that is wondering.... Even sister 4 agrees that a locked unit is necessary. Now it is just a matter of where. The facility close to where they are now with a locked unit will not be completed until the end of April. The facility I found close to me is checking into what rooms are avilaible there now. It's going to be a matter of time I am sure.
Cleaning out the house went as well as could be expected. Sister 3 continues to talk about equital distribution and didn't want to make decisions with sister 4 not there. So I picked up the phone and called sister 4. I would ask if she had any interest in a particular item, determine if either of the other two sisters that were there wanted it, then make a decision as to what was going to happen. We actually made some progress. I have an extensive inventory to send out. I have told sister 3 that she needs to talk to her kids (that are not dealing with this well) and tell them to make a prioritized list or do without. Then the four sisters will come to some decisions. We are further along than we have been. I did pack up a few things that sister 4 wanted and sent them to her. Somewhere along the way I broke the ice and actually got an update on the parents tonight. Not sure how long it will last but......
I have just decided that it is time to make some decisions. Mom is on massive doses of anti depressants, anti anxiety, and anti psycotics. The last med added was Depakote. According to the doctor she should be a zombie but instead she is still head strong determined to escape from the building and go home. I am returning an e-mail tonight requesting that they once again consider stopping at least the namenda if not both the namenda and aricept. She has been on both for 2.5 years, and that entire time she has been in mental melt down. It's time to determine if that is the cause. We were told "she will have to get worse to get better"... so why is she on meds! It just doesn't make sense to me. I am pushing for another clear out the house date next month and to have Mom and dad placed in a locked unit as well.
I'm doing well. I am tired but enjoyed my chilly, windy, hour on the beach this afternoon. It renews my soul.
I have noticed how quiet it has been here since I left. I do hope all are in a good place at the moment. How about some updates on everybody else.
Love, deb
My visit with Mom and Dad went as well as could be expected. Mom was in relatively good humor. I could tell that she was not as "aware" as she has been on previous visits. Dad's bizzare behavior was less but it's obvious that he has slipped as well. I do know that he was out of bed wandering the Thursday night. I put him to bed with his blue bed socks on and put his shoes beside his chair in the den. When I arrived back at the facility the next morning he was sleeping but he had on his brown regular socks and his shoes were beside his bed. So the wondering continues.......
I did find out that Mom had another mini mental done recently. Her score was an 18 out of 30. A year ago she scored a 25.
When I left them they both had haircuts, showers, been out of the room for walks, and were in good humor. The next day mom was on the phone wanting the van so they could go home before nobody every came to see them. Sister 2 has the van so she got the first call. Sister 3 admitted that she didn't know how to talk to Mom. (the three of us were together at Mom and Dad's cleaning out closets). Sister 4 was at a birthday party just minutes away from mom and Dad. So I called Mom back and calmed her down with my normal blah blah blah. Sister 4 indicated that she would only go over "If she was called by the facility".
I called Mom on Sunday and she was in a very good mood. Sister 4 had stopped by for a few minutes earlier in the day. A moment of calm before today. Today mom had tried to leave the building "going home" on two separate occassions. The facility finally called Sister 4 tonight because Mom and Dad were both in wellness insisting that they were going home. Sister 4 did get them back to the room and into bed. Now it is BOTh of them that is wondering.... Even sister 4 agrees that a locked unit is necessary. Now it is just a matter of where. The facility close to where they are now with a locked unit will not be completed until the end of April. The facility I found close to me is checking into what rooms are avilaible there now. It's going to be a matter of time I am sure.
Cleaning out the house went as well as could be expected. Sister 3 continues to talk about equital distribution and didn't want to make decisions with sister 4 not there. So I picked up the phone and called sister 4. I would ask if she had any interest in a particular item, determine if either of the other two sisters that were there wanted it, then make a decision as to what was going to happen. We actually made some progress. I have an extensive inventory to send out. I have told sister 3 that she needs to talk to her kids (that are not dealing with this well) and tell them to make a prioritized list or do without. Then the four sisters will come to some decisions. We are further along than we have been. I did pack up a few things that sister 4 wanted and sent them to her. Somewhere along the way I broke the ice and actually got an update on the parents tonight. Not sure how long it will last but......
I have just decided that it is time to make some decisions. Mom is on massive doses of anti depressants, anti anxiety, and anti psycotics. The last med added was Depakote. According to the doctor she should be a zombie but instead she is still head strong determined to escape from the building and go home. I am returning an e-mail tonight requesting that they once again consider stopping at least the namenda if not both the namenda and aricept. She has been on both for 2.5 years, and that entire time she has been in mental melt down. It's time to determine if that is the cause. We were told "she will have to get worse to get better"... so why is she on meds! It just doesn't make sense to me. I am pushing for another clear out the house date next month and to have Mom and dad placed in a locked unit as well.
I'm doing well. I am tired but enjoyed my chilly, windy, hour on the beach this afternoon. It renews my soul.
I have noticed how quiet it has been here since I left. I do hope all are in a good place at the moment. How about some updates on everybody else.
Love, deb
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mentalmum08
03-24-2009, 06:44 AM
Hi Deb,
I didn't know whether to start a new thread or reply to your's. It has been quiet, i agree. Thanks for your update. I envy your hour on the wind swept beach. I've been up to edinburgh this last week. We have been sorting out our mother's stuff. We gave all her lovely clothes to charity. We joked that if she returned to normal thro' some miracle, she'd go ape if she checked into her closets. She is now totally bedridden and needs everthing done for her. She can only eat liquidy foods in small amounts being fed by us. I noticed that her breathing is becoming laboured, and she misses several breaths. Could this be a "shutting down" of the autonomic system? I still will be glad when this is over. I know that it will be a new set of emotional turmoil, but it guts me to watch her. It is like dealing with a six-and-a-half stone baby. Take care deb.
love sandra xx
I didn't know whether to start a new thread or reply to your's. It has been quiet, i agree. Thanks for your update. I envy your hour on the wind swept beach. I've been up to edinburgh this last week. We have been sorting out our mother's stuff. We gave all her lovely clothes to charity. We joked that if she returned to normal thro' some miracle, she'd go ape if she checked into her closets. She is now totally bedridden and needs everthing done for her. She can only eat liquidy foods in small amounts being fed by us. I noticed that her breathing is becoming laboured, and she misses several breaths. Could this be a "shutting down" of the autonomic system? I still will be glad when this is over. I know that it will be a new set of emotional turmoil, but it guts me to watch her. It is like dealing with a six-and-a-half stone baby. Take care deb.
love sandra xx
Martha H
03-24-2009, 07:51 AM
I was talking to my friend, whose sister is a in late stage of Alzheimers, about just this sort of thing. Getting worse before you get better is a phrase the caregivers use. It means that once her ability to think ahead and plan (for an escape, to call her daughters and be taken "home," to make loud protests and complaints about something) is gone, she will be 'better' -- that is, easier to handle.
This happened to my SIL's mother who also died of Alzheimers a few years back. She had been a bitter, angry person, but after reaching the later stages she became docile and calm. Many people remarked on the difference. It was like visitng a different person. "Better" to take care of, but worse in perception, thinking and planning. That's probably what they meant. Meanwhile they keep her medicated in the hopes that it makes her easier to handle when actually, many drugs CAUSE odd or even violent behavior. It is a paradox.
Glad you got to post - you have been missed.
Love,
Martha
This happened to my SIL's mother who also died of Alzheimers a few years back. She had been a bitter, angry person, but after reaching the later stages she became docile and calm. Many people remarked on the difference. It was like visitng a different person. "Better" to take care of, but worse in perception, thinking and planning. That's probably what they meant. Meanwhile they keep her medicated in the hopes that it makes her easier to handle when actually, many drugs CAUSE odd or even violent behavior. It is a paradox.
Glad you got to post - you have been missed.
Love,
Martha
Drews Gram
03-24-2009, 12:07 PM
Hello to everyone,
We were gone for a few days opening the lake house and working on things that needed repaired. Husband works outside and I work on the inside getting things back to normal. He painted my ceilings, I say MY ceilings, because he thought they were just fine, I didn't. LOL He teases me by telling me "Just don't look up and they won't bother you"! He is replacing the retaining wall by the lake, hard job but he enjoys it. We're enjoying his retirement and spending time together. Long walks in the evening are so nice at the lake.
When we returned I also noticed things were quiet here. Good to hear from you deb. I've been hoping that things were going well with the clearing out of your parents home and hoping also that your Mom was doing better. Sorry to see that she is not doing very well.
I wish I could say that Mom is better but she isn't at all. I couldn't tell you how many calls were on my machine when I returned home. There were too many to count. I called her everyday from the lake but that doesn't matter, she still calls here thinking that I'm home. Her short term memory is about 2 minutes long these days. She can't answer any questions because she doesn't remember what has gone on during her day. She just wants to know how long she has to stay where she is and why she can't remember anything?? She is totally confused most of the time now and very childish. I know she will get worse and it sounds terrible but I pray this stage passes soon until she knows nothing. I also pray that she remembers her daughters when this happens. Grandma knew that we were someone she loved because she always hugged us and held our hands when we were with her even though she didn't remember our name. If I think about Mom too much and her rapid decline it leaves me weak in the knees and I think my heart is going to explode from the sadness. I love her so much and there is nothing I can do to make her what she was before..................Sis and I are taking her to the hospital on Thursday to have the foley put in place then we will bring Mom here and take care of her for 24 hrs. to collect her urine. Then back to the hospital to have it removed. She is not going to understand this I know and its going to make her confusion worse when we take her back to her place. Oh well, we do what we have to do and hope for the best. This is not going to be easy on any of us and I have a feeling Mom isn't going to understand any of it.
Anyway ladies thats whats happening here at the moment. More of the same just a different day. :)
Love to all, Chris
We were gone for a few days opening the lake house and working on things that needed repaired. Husband works outside and I work on the inside getting things back to normal. He painted my ceilings, I say MY ceilings, because he thought they were just fine, I didn't. LOL He teases me by telling me "Just don't look up and they won't bother you"! He is replacing the retaining wall by the lake, hard job but he enjoys it. We're enjoying his retirement and spending time together. Long walks in the evening are so nice at the lake.
When we returned I also noticed things were quiet here. Good to hear from you deb. I've been hoping that things were going well with the clearing out of your parents home and hoping also that your Mom was doing better. Sorry to see that she is not doing very well.
I wish I could say that Mom is better but she isn't at all. I couldn't tell you how many calls were on my machine when I returned home. There were too many to count. I called her everyday from the lake but that doesn't matter, she still calls here thinking that I'm home. Her short term memory is about 2 minutes long these days. She can't answer any questions because she doesn't remember what has gone on during her day. She just wants to know how long she has to stay where she is and why she can't remember anything?? She is totally confused most of the time now and very childish. I know she will get worse and it sounds terrible but I pray this stage passes soon until she knows nothing. I also pray that she remembers her daughters when this happens. Grandma knew that we were someone she loved because she always hugged us and held our hands when we were with her even though she didn't remember our name. If I think about Mom too much and her rapid decline it leaves me weak in the knees and I think my heart is going to explode from the sadness. I love her so much and there is nothing I can do to make her what she was before..................Sis and I are taking her to the hospital on Thursday to have the foley put in place then we will bring Mom here and take care of her for 24 hrs. to collect her urine. Then back to the hospital to have it removed. She is not going to understand this I know and its going to make her confusion worse when we take her back to her place. Oh well, we do what we have to do and hope for the best. This is not going to be easy on any of us and I have a feeling Mom isn't going to understand any of it.
Anyway ladies thats whats happening here at the moment. More of the same just a different day. :)
Love to all, Chris
ibake&pray
03-24-2009, 04:22 PM
Oh Chris, My heart hurts for you. I know how much it hurts. I know that the hardest thing was hoping every time that Mom would know me, knowing that she wouldn't. Sigh. It torn my heart into little pieces that bled painfully and finally knit itself back together when we flew home. Only to start over again at the next trip.
Deb, I'm sorry to heara that both Mom and Dad are wandering. This is only getting worse isn't it? You Mom is not taking this well, no matter what anyone says. It's almost too bad that we can't find a memory eraser drug at this point in her life, isn't it? Something that would calm her down and remove that home memory so she could rest comfortably. It certainly it time for a locked unit..that alone will cause issues, but it will be so much better for all concerned, especially your parents. I cannot believe it has taken #4 this long to realise that your parents safety is at stake.<<<shaking head>>>
Deb, I'm sorry to heara that both Mom and Dad are wandering. This is only getting worse isn't it? You Mom is not taking this well, no matter what anyone says. It's almost too bad that we can't find a memory eraser drug at this point in her life, isn't it? Something that would calm her down and remove that home memory so she could rest comfortably. It certainly it time for a locked unit..that alone will cause issues, but it will be so much better for all concerned, especially your parents. I cannot believe it has taken #4 this long to realise that your parents safety is at stake.<<<shaking head>>>
dorri
03-25-2009, 01:11 AM
Hi Deb, just returned the other day. When I read your update, it makes me so sad that your parents still want to return home. Do you think they know their house is being cleaned out and up for sale? Do you think that is why your mom was trying to escape?
I understand how hard it must be for you and for your parents as well.
Hugs.
I understand how hard it must be for you and for your parents as well.
Hugs.
meg1230
03-26-2009, 12:17 AM
Well, Deb...your hands are full.
I remember a few years ago when my mom was at her meanest and people would say it would pass and I didn't believe them...well pass it did and now I have a sweet docile mom who can't remember minutes after she showered if she did it or not but at least the awful stuff has passed....FOR NOW.
I can only hope that soon for your mom too. Sometimes it is a blessing to forget...we just wish they could forget the bad stuff and remember the good. But unfortunately we don't get to choose.
And that you got as much done in the house this time around is amazing..to use one of my mom's favorite words.
Love, Meg
I remember a few years ago when my mom was at her meanest and people would say it would pass and I didn't believe them...well pass it did and now I have a sweet docile mom who can't remember minutes after she showered if she did it or not but at least the awful stuff has passed....FOR NOW.
I can only hope that soon for your mom too. Sometimes it is a blessing to forget...we just wish they could forget the bad stuff and remember the good. But unfortunately we don't get to choose.
And that you got as much done in the house this time around is amazing..to use one of my mom's favorite words.
Love, Meg
DGabriel10
03-26-2009, 01:15 AM
Chris, I am glad you got away for a while. You truly needed it and despite all the messages Mom survived your absence. I truly do hope your mom finds peace soon. I so understand how opressive it is when Mom is distraught.
Martha, I understand getting worse to get better. I truly believe this is the case with Mom. I don't wish her any ill will, only peace. The same peace I wish for Chris' mother.
IBake, I think we finally reached the point that there is no option other than a locked unit. It is just a matter now of which one. There is a spacious two bedroom unit in the locked ALZ unit of the facility I found that will be available as of Monday. Mom has been leaving the facility daily to "find the van" so she can take Dad home. Yesterday, Mom went out the front door to find the van and was brought back in the building. Later she went out the front again while Dad went down two flights of steps and out the back door looking for Mom. His bracelet alerted the staff and they found him outside the door trying to use his room key to get back in the building. They had to bring Mom in kicking and complaining. Later in the day she took Dad to wellness and demanded that they take her to the van which she was sure was just outside so she could take him home. Needless to say Sister 4 was told, they HAVE to move to a locked unit. They do not have the necessary room for both of them to be together so they have to move to another facility. Sister 4 is checking out an option, but I have one in my pocket. We will see what happens.
On another front. I finally convinced Sister 4 to ask the doctor about taking Mom off the Aricept and Namenda. She assured me it would never happen :) but... the doctor agreed. She said it was obviously, from her recent MMSE, that it was not doing what it was supposed to be doing and it could be contributing to her aggitation and confusion... so she thought it was a good idea to stop the meds. She is also stopping her calcium and prilosec to see if that might help. YES!!!!!!!! So as of today she is off all four meds. Now we see what happens. At least it is trying something different. I don't know if we will get worse to get better or just get better or stay the same but we are doing something......
Thank you meg..... your words do give me hope that this will pass.
Dorri... Mom had NO idea we were even at the house. She actually called sister 2 about the van. Gotta love cell phones. Mom wanted to talk to me so I waited a while and called her back. She said she told sister 2 not to call me. Little did she know that sister 2 was standing right beside me while I talked to her just like I was right beside sister 2 when she talked to Mom. There is absolutely no way we would let Mom know we were at the house let alone cleaning out her stuff!!!
Sister 4 is absoutely resisting me bringing Mom and Dad here. She has not said as much but she's finding every reason in the book not to let them come here and it did get her off her duff to find new placement there.
I do think she will be surprised when Mom and Dad move. Where they are now calls for family assistance at the drop of a hat. The last time, Mom and Dad were in wellness and didn't want to go back to their room. !!!HUH!!! Why should they call the family to walk them back to their rooms? Mom's crying and they call the family. Mom's upset because the dryer doesn't work and they call the family. This is a facility that is advertised as an "Alzheimer Care Facility". When talking to the facility I found, I ask specific questions about how they deal with upset, when they call the family, and have actually seen what I was told in practice. There was a lady upset when I was there today and I was pleased with what I saw. I was also pleased with the answers I got. I also talked to family members. They don't call family to do their work!!!!!
I have missed all of you while I was gone but it has been a productive time. We got a lot done in the house, the decision to move Mom and Dad is done, Mom is off four medications, I enjoyed my visit with my daughter, and I have the right room for Mom and Dad available.
I'm tired :)
Love...... Deb
Martha, I understand getting worse to get better. I truly believe this is the case with Mom. I don't wish her any ill will, only peace. The same peace I wish for Chris' mother.
IBake, I think we finally reached the point that there is no option other than a locked unit. It is just a matter now of which one. There is a spacious two bedroom unit in the locked ALZ unit of the facility I found that will be available as of Monday. Mom has been leaving the facility daily to "find the van" so she can take Dad home. Yesterday, Mom went out the front door to find the van and was brought back in the building. Later she went out the front again while Dad went down two flights of steps and out the back door looking for Mom. His bracelet alerted the staff and they found him outside the door trying to use his room key to get back in the building. They had to bring Mom in kicking and complaining. Later in the day she took Dad to wellness and demanded that they take her to the van which she was sure was just outside so she could take him home. Needless to say Sister 4 was told, they HAVE to move to a locked unit. They do not have the necessary room for both of them to be together so they have to move to another facility. Sister 4 is checking out an option, but I have one in my pocket. We will see what happens.
On another front. I finally convinced Sister 4 to ask the doctor about taking Mom off the Aricept and Namenda. She assured me it would never happen :) but... the doctor agreed. She said it was obviously, from her recent MMSE, that it was not doing what it was supposed to be doing and it could be contributing to her aggitation and confusion... so she thought it was a good idea to stop the meds. She is also stopping her calcium and prilosec to see if that might help. YES!!!!!!!! So as of today she is off all four meds. Now we see what happens. At least it is trying something different. I don't know if we will get worse to get better or just get better or stay the same but we are doing something......
Thank you meg..... your words do give me hope that this will pass.
Dorri... Mom had NO idea we were even at the house. She actually called sister 2 about the van. Gotta love cell phones. Mom wanted to talk to me so I waited a while and called her back. She said she told sister 2 not to call me. Little did she know that sister 2 was standing right beside me while I talked to her just like I was right beside sister 2 when she talked to Mom. There is absolutely no way we would let Mom know we were at the house let alone cleaning out her stuff!!!
Sister 4 is absoutely resisting me bringing Mom and Dad here. She has not said as much but she's finding every reason in the book not to let them come here and it did get her off her duff to find new placement there.
I do think she will be surprised when Mom and Dad move. Where they are now calls for family assistance at the drop of a hat. The last time, Mom and Dad were in wellness and didn't want to go back to their room. !!!HUH!!! Why should they call the family to walk them back to their rooms? Mom's crying and they call the family. Mom's upset because the dryer doesn't work and they call the family. This is a facility that is advertised as an "Alzheimer Care Facility". When talking to the facility I found, I ask specific questions about how they deal with upset, when they call the family, and have actually seen what I was told in practice. There was a lady upset when I was there today and I was pleased with what I saw. I was also pleased with the answers I got. I also talked to family members. They don't call family to do their work!!!!!
I have missed all of you while I was gone but it has been a productive time. We got a lot done in the house, the decision to move Mom and Dad is done, Mom is off four medications, I enjoyed my visit with my daughter, and I have the right room for Mom and Dad available.
I'm tired :)
Love...... Deb
Drews Gram
03-26-2009, 07:57 AM
Hi deb,
Your trip sounds tiring but productive. Rest up friend it sounds like its going to get worse before it gets better, if thats possible. I'm so glad they took the meds away from your Mom. Maybe she will calm down a little bit now? I feel so bad for all of you because she sounds just miserable and home sick. Thats what Mom says now, constantly, "I'm home sick". So sad when she says that. I ask her what she feels when she is home sick and she said "I miss my kids being here with me when you were all little girls". Now things make more sense to me when she gets upset. She misses her old life when she was raising us girls. I miss my kids sometimes when they were little and I loved being a Mom. Easy to understand why she is sad so much of the time.
Anyway today is the big day for us. Mom is going to get the foley placed and then we'll come here for 24 hrs. then back to the hospital to remove it, along with 24 hrs. of pee we collected!!!!! This should be interesting........
I want to wish you a belated HAPPY BIRTHDAY friend. Sorry I forgot the date. I pray for you that everything works out and your parents will be calmer and happier very soon deb. Maybe things will get better when they are moved and she can forget that dang VAN! She's a tough cookie isn't she?
Wow, sister #4 agreed with something? I sure hope that keeps up. It will make your life easier. I'll keep my fingers crossed.
Love and hugs,
Chris
Your trip sounds tiring but productive. Rest up friend it sounds like its going to get worse before it gets better, if thats possible. I'm so glad they took the meds away from your Mom. Maybe she will calm down a little bit now? I feel so bad for all of you because she sounds just miserable and home sick. Thats what Mom says now, constantly, "I'm home sick". So sad when she says that. I ask her what she feels when she is home sick and she said "I miss my kids being here with me when you were all little girls". Now things make more sense to me when she gets upset. She misses her old life when she was raising us girls. I miss my kids sometimes when they were little and I loved being a Mom. Easy to understand why she is sad so much of the time.
Anyway today is the big day for us. Mom is going to get the foley placed and then we'll come here for 24 hrs. then back to the hospital to remove it, along with 24 hrs. of pee we collected!!!!! This should be interesting........
I want to wish you a belated HAPPY BIRTHDAY friend. Sorry I forgot the date. I pray for you that everything works out and your parents will be calmer and happier very soon deb. Maybe things will get better when they are moved and she can forget that dang VAN! She's a tough cookie isn't she?
Wow, sister #4 agreed with something? I sure hope that keeps up. It will make your life easier. I'll keep my fingers crossed.
Love and hugs,
Chris
caringsister54
03-26-2009, 12:14 PM
Deb
glad that you're back. you were missed. You did good with the house and dealing with all the sisters.
So Sister 4 agreed to do something, she's probably tired of the phone calls! after all she just sits by the phone and waits for them huh?
Well, the other thing that was written also disturb me. You found a place near you and Sister #4 won't allow the change, preferring instead to find a place for them by her (I guess?)
This is so she can continue to play the martyr. If there is more emotional support around if they got moved to the one you found, I'd rally the troops and force the move. Sister 4 wants to be the end all to claim all the glory. If that's the case, let her have all the pain of the phone calls, and dealing with the crisis of the moment.
that's my side and I'm stickin to it!
love you all
CaringSister54
glad that you're back. you were missed. You did good with the house and dealing with all the sisters.
So Sister 4 agreed to do something, she's probably tired of the phone calls! after all she just sits by the phone and waits for them huh?
Well, the other thing that was written also disturb me. You found a place near you and Sister #4 won't allow the change, preferring instead to find a place for them by her (I guess?)
This is so she can continue to play the martyr. If there is more emotional support around if they got moved to the one you found, I'd rally the troops and force the move. Sister 4 wants to be the end all to claim all the glory. If that's the case, let her have all the pain of the phone calls, and dealing with the crisis of the moment.
that's my side and I'm stickin to it!
love you all
CaringSister54
DGabriel10
03-26-2009, 02:02 PM
Chris, I do hope the hospital visit, home stay, and results of the test are all positive. Yes, you are going to have your hands full but glad you had a weekend at the lake before. Take care of yourself!! You have to do that to be able to take care of Mom. How's the knee doing?
Sister 4 didn't have a choice. She was called into the hall by the care manager and told that they needed to be moved. (Which was something I have known and voiced for a while). As I have said she is reactive rather than proactive. Regardless of where they move, I think this move is for the best for both Mom and Dad. They are both flight risk. Where they are is not contained enough to keep them in the building and their repeated escapes are dangerous. So sister 4 is not agreeing with me.... she is doing what she has been told by the "professionals".
Chris, if I never hear the word "VAN" again it will be too soon!!!! That is their transportation "HOME". I wish it was a magic van that would take them to another time and place when their minds were healthy. That is what they want. Your Mom and mine must be kindred souls. Mom thinks if she can just take that magic van home this all the confusion that is in her head will go away and life will be what she remembers. A happy home with Mom, Dad, and four girls all smiling and laughing. That is what tugs at my heart as well but there is no magic van !!SIGH!! My mom is absolutely one tough cookie with a stubborn streak that is too wide. There has never been anything docile about her. She just doesn't have a logical direction for her efforts any more.
Caring, you are spot on about sister 4. I have given her an out. I have found the place and given her the option. I have given her the logical arguments for bringing them here. If am not going to fight with her. But if she decide to do it her way.... then she can just deal with it.
I honestly believe that once they are moved there will not be the continual calls that we are getting now. I understand being notified if Mom or Dad get out of the building but I don't understand being called to come to the facility if mom and/or Dad wonder down to wellness and want to know where the "van" is. If Mom comes out of the room crying, give her something to do instead of taking her back to the room and calling family to come "fix it". I truly believe that Sister 4 has not only allowed this but encouraged this. Time will tell.....
Sister 4 didn't have a choice. She was called into the hall by the care manager and told that they needed to be moved. (Which was something I have known and voiced for a while). As I have said she is reactive rather than proactive. Regardless of where they move, I think this move is for the best for both Mom and Dad. They are both flight risk. Where they are is not contained enough to keep them in the building and their repeated escapes are dangerous. So sister 4 is not agreeing with me.... she is doing what she has been told by the "professionals".
Chris, if I never hear the word "VAN" again it will be too soon!!!! That is their transportation "HOME". I wish it was a magic van that would take them to another time and place when their minds were healthy. That is what they want. Your Mom and mine must be kindred souls. Mom thinks if she can just take that magic van home this all the confusion that is in her head will go away and life will be what she remembers. A happy home with Mom, Dad, and four girls all smiling and laughing. That is what tugs at my heart as well but there is no magic van !!SIGH!! My mom is absolutely one tough cookie with a stubborn streak that is too wide. There has never been anything docile about her. She just doesn't have a logical direction for her efforts any more.
Caring, you are spot on about sister 4. I have given her an out. I have found the place and given her the option. I have given her the logical arguments for bringing them here. If am not going to fight with her. But if she decide to do it her way.... then she can just deal with it.
I honestly believe that once they are moved there will not be the continual calls that we are getting now. I understand being notified if Mom or Dad get out of the building but I don't understand being called to come to the facility if mom and/or Dad wonder down to wellness and want to know where the "van" is. If Mom comes out of the room crying, give her something to do instead of taking her back to the room and calling family to come "fix it". I truly believe that Sister 4 has not only allowed this but encouraged this. Time will tell.....
DGabriel10
03-26-2009, 02:55 PM
Not a good day for Mom.... She's confused because she can't figure out how to get all her stuff back home without leaving anything behind. All "those people" are just out there playing around. She guesses she just needs to call Two Men and a Truck. Then she talked about Dad getting lost and she has to go find him. But they would be ok at home. She's just tired of sitting in that chair and nobody coming to see her. Yet she won't get up and do anything. Anything I suggest is a bad idea. She guessed Dad would die first, he's 9 years older than she is with a bad heart, and maybe she will make a decision then. She talked like it would be tomorrow. Then she was back to the van, which has to be in the parking lot. Mom said she thought she would get out of the room and go look for it. !!ARG!! Sister 3 walked into their room about that time so I did a hand off to somebody that was physically there.
I can't wait for this move to where ever it will end up being. They are at the end of a long hall, too far away from the activity. Other than the sisters and the med techs they don't see anybody. She will not leave Dad's side and he is happy sitting in his chair. Verbal cues to do something different don't work because of her auditory input deficiency. I do believe part of her problem is bordom!! Being in a different environment, closer to the "action", with caregivers that coax her out of the room may be a godsend. I hope!
Love, deb
I can't wait for this move to where ever it will end up being. They are at the end of a long hall, too far away from the activity. Other than the sisters and the med techs they don't see anybody. She will not leave Dad's side and he is happy sitting in his chair. Verbal cues to do something different don't work because of her auditory input deficiency. I do believe part of her problem is bordom!! Being in a different environment, closer to the "action", with caregivers that coax her out of the room may be a godsend. I hope!
Love, deb
carsam
03-26-2009, 05:21 PM
Dearest Deb....
My goodness, I can barely keep up with all the things going on with your parents, how tired you must be my friend. God bless for you for all you do for them, no matter how tiring, you always have their best interests, and care in mind.....not to mention dealing with Sister 4.
Sending you big hugs, and hoping and praying that whereever your mom and dad end up, it will be the best solution for everyone, and that things will work out as they're supposed to. I guess that's what we all need to believe in right?
Love, Caroline xo
My goodness, I can barely keep up with all the things going on with your parents, how tired you must be my friend. God bless for you for all you do for them, no matter how tiring, you always have their best interests, and care in mind.....not to mention dealing with Sister 4.
Sending you big hugs, and hoping and praying that whereever your mom and dad end up, it will be the best solution for everyone, and that things will work out as they're supposed to. I guess that's what we all need to believe in right?
Love, Caroline xo
meg1230
03-26-2009, 10:30 PM
Oh my goodness. It is just exhausting for you I am sure. My mom only complains sporadically (right now) about wanting her computer back. HAH! SHe can't even turn one on anymore. And she wants the checkbook back from my son, her grandson. But it's not constant like with your mom. She was like that a year ago about being handed her meds and I remember how stressful that was so I can sort of understand..I am a nervous wreck waiting for the other shoe to drop here and you have TWO to deal with..:dizzy:
Sister #4. Oh dear. She's hanging on for dear life, isn't she. I'll bet she is terrified of losing her parents (aren't we all) and is afraid of sharing them with you all. They are HER parents. She sounds like a little girl. Sad.
Love, Meg
Sister #4. Oh dear. She's hanging on for dear life, isn't she. I'll bet she is terrified of losing her parents (aren't we all) and is afraid of sharing them with you all. They are HER parents. She sounds like a little girl. Sad.
Love, Meg
petal*pusher
03-28-2009, 01:20 PM
Deb...just catching up with what's going on in your life...don't we all tire of these "family" challenges!!
Hopefully you'll be able to move your parents closer to you...you seem very aware of what the future holds. Sending tons of positive vibes your way....Pam;)
Hopefully you'll be able to move your parents closer to you...you seem very aware of what the future holds. Sending tons of positive vibes your way....Pam;)
DGabriel10
03-29-2009, 02:06 AM
Today I am just trying to hold it all together. I called Mom and she was so very confused. She had a hard time understanding anything that was said. But she brought up going home, the van, and three men and a truck. Then she lapsed into silence. As hard as I tried it was so very difficult to talk with her. I finally just had to hang up. Dealing with the move, Mom getting worse and Dad sleeping so much, cleaning out the house, tax returns, having yard work done at her house, talking to the guy that wants to buy their house, a bad cold, four days of rain, no bicycle, and on and on has just taken it's toll today.
I thank you all for your kinds words and caring. It's days like today I realize how much you all mean to me.
Love, deb
I thank you all for your kinds words and caring. It's days like today I realize how much you all mean to me.
Love, deb
Drews Gram
03-29-2009, 09:42 AM
Dear deb,
I've been wondering about your Mom and Dad. I was thinking this morning that I would write a short note and ask you how things were going. Now I know and I'm so sorry deb, I know that feeeling of being overwhelmed at times. There isn't enough of you to go around, is there? You need some peace of mind and thats not possible at this time. Boy, do I understand dear friend.
I will tell you what you say to me.......one day at a time and one problem at a time. If they only came one at a time I could handle them but they don't. Problems and worries seem to come in waves here and then there may be a few days rest and thats not enough time to catch my breath until Mom has another "problem". It sounds like your having a wave of worrysome times and with a cold and no bicycle your in a funk lady. Not that you don't already know that and thats OK too. Right?
I could tell you some funny stories about Mom during her 24 hr. urine save. She kept trying to get up from the lounge chair and we'd ask where she was going "I have to go pee". Mom you have a catheter....."A what"? Look whats hooked to you. "Now how did that get there"? This only happened 30 times at least and it came as a big surprise every time we told her. It was exhausting and it took both me and Sis to handle things here but we did it. We should have the results next week. I can't describe to you what it was like when she had to go potty with this thing in place. We made light of it and it took both of us to achieve our goal !!! Sis would say "Oh Lord, Mom has to go poop again Sis. Lord help us"!! Thank goodness the nurse put special taping on the tube and then hooked it to Moms leg or it would have been gone. She's fast when it comes to pulling at things!!! We considered not feeding her anything but she didn't like that idea. LOL ;) Mom loved the time we spent together but Sis and I went to bed very early that next night, very early.
Our granddaughter spent the night and we popped some popcorn and got ready for our movie when I went to the kitchen for napkins and promptly fell over her shoes right on the ceramic tile.........on my bad KNEE!! :eek: I couldn't believe it when I felt myself go down I thought "Oh no no no no"!!!! I put ice on it right away and its not too bad this morning. I love it when my husband asks questions like "What are you doing"???? after I fall. "What am I doing?? What does it look like I'm doing"???? We had to laugh. Last time I fell was at the lake and I slipped on a huge nut but my margaretta survived, remember deb?? Mom said I move too fast and I don't look down.....she's right I guess. I'm not use to shoes being in the middle of the kitchen floor. Cayla felt bad but I laughed and told her that it wasn't her fault at all. I had told her to put on her slippers and so she did, right there in the kitchen. Oh well, we'll see what happens with this darn knee soon enough.
The snow is beautiful this morning but it'll be gone soon. We got quite a bit last night. Isn't it supposed to be "lake time"?
I pray things go better for you soon my friend. I know you have alot on your plate with the move coming up. It sounds like thats a sure thing that has to happen. Hold on friend its going to be a bumpy ride but you'll make it though this, you always do. I'm thinking of you and praying that things will go smoothly for you and your family. Big (((((HUGS))))))
Love, Chris
I've been wondering about your Mom and Dad. I was thinking this morning that I would write a short note and ask you how things were going. Now I know and I'm so sorry deb, I know that feeeling of being overwhelmed at times. There isn't enough of you to go around, is there? You need some peace of mind and thats not possible at this time. Boy, do I understand dear friend.
I will tell you what you say to me.......one day at a time and one problem at a time. If they only came one at a time I could handle them but they don't. Problems and worries seem to come in waves here and then there may be a few days rest and thats not enough time to catch my breath until Mom has another "problem". It sounds like your having a wave of worrysome times and with a cold and no bicycle your in a funk lady. Not that you don't already know that and thats OK too. Right?
I could tell you some funny stories about Mom during her 24 hr. urine save. She kept trying to get up from the lounge chair and we'd ask where she was going "I have to go pee". Mom you have a catheter....."A what"? Look whats hooked to you. "Now how did that get there"? This only happened 30 times at least and it came as a big surprise every time we told her. It was exhausting and it took both me and Sis to handle things here but we did it. We should have the results next week. I can't describe to you what it was like when she had to go potty with this thing in place. We made light of it and it took both of us to achieve our goal !!! Sis would say "Oh Lord, Mom has to go poop again Sis. Lord help us"!! Thank goodness the nurse put special taping on the tube and then hooked it to Moms leg or it would have been gone. She's fast when it comes to pulling at things!!! We considered not feeding her anything but she didn't like that idea. LOL ;) Mom loved the time we spent together but Sis and I went to bed very early that next night, very early.
Our granddaughter spent the night and we popped some popcorn and got ready for our movie when I went to the kitchen for napkins and promptly fell over her shoes right on the ceramic tile.........on my bad KNEE!! :eek: I couldn't believe it when I felt myself go down I thought "Oh no no no no"!!!! I put ice on it right away and its not too bad this morning. I love it when my husband asks questions like "What are you doing"???? after I fall. "What am I doing?? What does it look like I'm doing"???? We had to laugh. Last time I fell was at the lake and I slipped on a huge nut but my margaretta survived, remember deb?? Mom said I move too fast and I don't look down.....she's right I guess. I'm not use to shoes being in the middle of the kitchen floor. Cayla felt bad but I laughed and told her that it wasn't her fault at all. I had told her to put on her slippers and so she did, right there in the kitchen. Oh well, we'll see what happens with this darn knee soon enough.
The snow is beautiful this morning but it'll be gone soon. We got quite a bit last night. Isn't it supposed to be "lake time"?
I pray things go better for you soon my friend. I know you have alot on your plate with the move coming up. It sounds like thats a sure thing that has to happen. Hold on friend its going to be a bumpy ride but you'll make it though this, you always do. I'm thinking of you and praying that things will go smoothly for you and your family. Big (((((HUGS))))))
Love, Chris
carsam
03-29-2009, 11:10 AM
Dearest Deb,
I too understand your feelings of being overwhelmed......and you know what? I think it's important to allow yourself a few moments of weakness now and then....it's exhausting being "strong" all the time. We're only human, arent we?
In those moments, when I get tired of "managing", and I just want a "break" from it all.....I sometimes have a cry, maybe a little one, maybe a big one, depends on the day, and then alot of times I come here, to find my friends, who can always offer something that picks me up. Take some time for yourself to take that little break, because holding everything inside all the time, is too much for anyone. Afterwards, you'll get back up on that bike, and start riding again......but you'll feel a little better for giving yourself those few moments.
Much love to you Deb......
Caroline xo
I too understand your feelings of being overwhelmed......and you know what? I think it's important to allow yourself a few moments of weakness now and then....it's exhausting being "strong" all the time. We're only human, arent we?
In those moments, when I get tired of "managing", and I just want a "break" from it all.....I sometimes have a cry, maybe a little one, maybe a big one, depends on the day, and then alot of times I come here, to find my friends, who can always offer something that picks me up. Take some time for yourself to take that little break, because holding everything inside all the time, is too much for anyone. Afterwards, you'll get back up on that bike, and start riding again......but you'll feel a little better for giving yourself those few moments.
Much love to you Deb......
Caroline xo
DGabriel10
03-29-2009, 12:39 PM
Oh no Chris, not your knee again!!! Yep, I remember the saved Margaritta :) Some things are just tooooo important to lose!! I do hope the knee recovers as well as it can. You definitely sound like me. Moving way too fast and not watching carefully where I am going. I took a similar spill recently after a trip back home. My foot got tangled in a vine that had grown into the side of the carport (love my Confederate Jasmin but it is out of control) and down I went. That was not long after I fell over a piece of plywood covering a construction hole in a side walk. When you start scraping scrapes and bumping previous injuries... you know you are in trouble.
Glad all went well with your Mom's procedure. I can imagine Mom and the cathater. Oh my what is that! Why can't I go to be bathroom? Over and over. Bless you. You need some down time after all that as well but it sounds like you handled it well.... and I hope you got a good night's sleep.
You are right Caroline and Chris, it was just one of those days and I needed somewhere to vent.... tag you are it. This cold/allergies, sore throat is kicking me. It's my eyes that are aggrivating me more than anything. They are filled with rocks and won't focus. The sun finally came out today but it is windy. Biking in a 20 to 30 MPH headwind is not fun. I may try it for a short distance anyway if it will warm up a few degrees.
I think what really got me yesterday was all that others are NOT doing. The inventory that was done last weekend at the house is on sister 2's computer. It's been a week and I still don't have it in my hands. I have ask sister 4 about Mom and Dad's move status, and got back nothing. I needed the tax returns finished by Monday, and that's not going to happen. Sister 4 commented to one of Mom's friend that we were going to eventually put a "For Sale" sign in the yard. That got back to the individual that I have been talking to about buying the house. Then I had to explain to my potential buyer that we were not selling it out from under him. Sister 3 and 4 organized Mom's closet, but the didn't take the size 8 shorts out. Mom is in a size 12 now. She doesn't need clothes she can't wear in the closet to confuse her more.
Then the phone call, not being able to do anything long distance, the lack of information, the passive resistance to Mom and Dad's move, and just an overwhelming feeling of not being able to move the situation forward. The snowball ran over me but I am shaking it off and getting back up :)
I have give up on the tears or just shed too many Caroline. I have held it all in for so long I am not sure I could let it all go. It might swallow me up and not let me come back. My friend accuses me of hidding under a rock when the burden gets too heavy. I do that, but mostly I just turn to doing something for somebody else to take my mind away from myself. So I wrapped myself up yesterday in helping a friend deal with the breakup with his girl friend. It was past bedtime, when I came here, that I let any of it go. For this place I thank each and every one of you :)
Love, deb
Glad all went well with your Mom's procedure. I can imagine Mom and the cathater. Oh my what is that! Why can't I go to be bathroom? Over and over. Bless you. You need some down time after all that as well but it sounds like you handled it well.... and I hope you got a good night's sleep.
You are right Caroline and Chris, it was just one of those days and I needed somewhere to vent.... tag you are it. This cold/allergies, sore throat is kicking me. It's my eyes that are aggrivating me more than anything. They are filled with rocks and won't focus. The sun finally came out today but it is windy. Biking in a 20 to 30 MPH headwind is not fun. I may try it for a short distance anyway if it will warm up a few degrees.
I think what really got me yesterday was all that others are NOT doing. The inventory that was done last weekend at the house is on sister 2's computer. It's been a week and I still don't have it in my hands. I have ask sister 4 about Mom and Dad's move status, and got back nothing. I needed the tax returns finished by Monday, and that's not going to happen. Sister 4 commented to one of Mom's friend that we were going to eventually put a "For Sale" sign in the yard. That got back to the individual that I have been talking to about buying the house. Then I had to explain to my potential buyer that we were not selling it out from under him. Sister 3 and 4 organized Mom's closet, but the didn't take the size 8 shorts out. Mom is in a size 12 now. She doesn't need clothes she can't wear in the closet to confuse her more.
Then the phone call, not being able to do anything long distance, the lack of information, the passive resistance to Mom and Dad's move, and just an overwhelming feeling of not being able to move the situation forward. The snowball ran over me but I am shaking it off and getting back up :)
I have give up on the tears or just shed too many Caroline. I have held it all in for so long I am not sure I could let it all go. It might swallow me up and not let me come back. My friend accuses me of hidding under a rock when the burden gets too heavy. I do that, but mostly I just turn to doing something for somebody else to take my mind away from myself. So I wrapped myself up yesterday in helping a friend deal with the breakup with his girl friend. It was past bedtime, when I came here, that I let any of it go. For this place I thank each and every one of you :)
Love, deb
carsam
03-29-2009, 12:53 PM
Dearest Deb....
Thank goodness we have this "sanctuary" we can all come to, on our good and bad days, strong and weak days, god knows we all have them. Thank goodness we have each other to give advice and support to, and a place to come where people "really" do understand.
God bless you Deb for being the person you are......when I am feeling overwhelmed, I usually "retreat". You say your friend says that you hide under a rock, I obviously dont know you as well, but I am not surprised that you spent this day helping a friend, because that is you. I think that was the wisest thing you could do based on feeling you couldnt do anything to help your own situation that day. At the end of the day, it feels good to help someone.....you are one of the strongest people I know dearest Deb.......but every once in a while, even you deserve a day off. How about dear friend, you just do what I am doing, and try to take those "baby steps" with letting things out.....we all know how strong you are, and for those moments when you need to vent, you come here, and we will be here for you, waiting with towels. I know everyone here loves you, and we want to be there through all of this with you....
Keep going Deb, you are amazing!!!
Love you,
Caroline xo
Thank goodness we have this "sanctuary" we can all come to, on our good and bad days, strong and weak days, god knows we all have them. Thank goodness we have each other to give advice and support to, and a place to come where people "really" do understand.
God bless you Deb for being the person you are......when I am feeling overwhelmed, I usually "retreat". You say your friend says that you hide under a rock, I obviously dont know you as well, but I am not surprised that you spent this day helping a friend, because that is you. I think that was the wisest thing you could do based on feeling you couldnt do anything to help your own situation that day. At the end of the day, it feels good to help someone.....you are one of the strongest people I know dearest Deb.......but every once in a while, even you deserve a day off. How about dear friend, you just do what I am doing, and try to take those "baby steps" with letting things out.....we all know how strong you are, and for those moments when you need to vent, you come here, and we will be here for you, waiting with towels. I know everyone here loves you, and we want to be there through all of this with you....
Keep going Deb, you are amazing!!!
Love you,
Caroline xo
DGabriel10
03-29-2009, 01:10 PM
Thank you Caroline :) I'm off to do laundry and iron for next week. I will be semi missing in action from Tuesday through Friday. For the last 14 years I have volunteered to manage the sight reading room at the District High School concert contest. For four days I will spent 12 to 14 hours a days listing to 25 to 30 bands a day play a new piece of music they have never seen before, badly... the same pieces (one each for 4 grades) over and over again. Between performances I will run down the hall to the office to deliver scores and pick up scoring sheets. I'm not totally crazy, It is the one time I year that I get to see so many of my old friends in the high school band world and I am doing something good for the students as well :) I will do all this with my cell phone in my pocket and talk to Mom during my lunch break. It will give me the break I need....
Love, deb
Love, deb
dorri
03-29-2009, 10:21 PM
Hang in there Deb, but do take care and not overdo or you may end up burning out completely.
I have to giggle about you falling (I know it's not funny) but isn't that how it always goes, you fall once, you fall a couple more times, you bang your knee, well once is never enough because someone out there gives you a triple whammy and makes sure you bang the same spot a couple more times...lol..maybe I'd better speak for myself huh?
Anyways, thinking of you...hugs..and remember that the most important person right now is yourself so take care.
I have to giggle about you falling (I know it's not funny) but isn't that how it always goes, you fall once, you fall a couple more times, you bang your knee, well once is never enough because someone out there gives you a triple whammy and makes sure you bang the same spot a couple more times...lol..maybe I'd better speak for myself huh?
Anyways, thinking of you...hugs..and remember that the most important person right now is yourself so take care.
carsam
03-30-2009, 12:08 AM
Dearest Deb,
This is the distraction you need right now......I hope you have a wonderful week....please stay in touch when you can......and I will do the same.....
Love,
Caroline xo
This is the distraction you need right now......I hope you have a wonderful week....please stay in touch when you can......and I will do the same.....
Love,
Caroline xo
meg1230
03-30-2009, 12:22 AM
This will be a GREAT diversion for you...enjoy yourself and try to clear your mind of the worries.
After so many times hearing the same songs you may want to stuff some towels in your ears. 8-)
Love, Meg
After so many times hearing the same songs you may want to stuff some towels in your ears. 8-)
Love, Meg
DGabriel10
03-30-2009, 01:42 AM
Yep, I need this diversion. I did get information but it was not what I wanted to hear. Mom is moving all the pictures and albums into dresser drawers and then accusing people of stealing them. She was on a rampage this morning trying to get in contact with "Three Men and a Truck". She was carrying around the TV remote and trying to make phone calls on it. She has not made an outgoing call in 2 weeks. Saturday when she called sister 2 (to get the van delivered to her), and last week when she called sister 3 (to chew her out) she had the caregiver make the calls for her. She has been on a rant every morning for a week. It started the day after I left. The facility does have a rush order for a urinalysis and the doctor has been notified. No, I don't think it's the fact that she has gone off the Namenda and Aricept because it started before the medication was stopped. It truly doesn't seem to be doing any good thought !!!Sigh!!!
On the flip side, Dad is a settled as he has been since his AFib attack in January. He doesn't understand what's going on with Mom and why she is always upset but a little redirect and he's fine. He only wanders away to look for Mom because she's is upset and has left him..... or that's his understanding when she runs off to make phone calls on her tv remote.
and sister 4, bless her heart, is going to call tomorrow to see if there is a appropriate locked unit room available near her. !!!shaking head!!! I still have the two bedroom unit on hold here....
The good news is, the accountant is willing to mail the tax forms to me so I don't have to make another 8 hour round trip to pick them up :)
I'm off to bed!!
Love, deb
On the flip side, Dad is a settled as he has been since his AFib attack in January. He doesn't understand what's going on with Mom and why she is always upset but a little redirect and he's fine. He only wanders away to look for Mom because she's is upset and has left him..... or that's his understanding when she runs off to make phone calls on her tv remote.
and sister 4, bless her heart, is going to call tomorrow to see if there is a appropriate locked unit room available near her. !!!shaking head!!! I still have the two bedroom unit on hold here....
The good news is, the accountant is willing to mail the tax forms to me so I don't have to make another 8 hour round trip to pick them up :)
I'm off to bed!!
Love, deb
Drews Gram
03-30-2009, 09:56 AM
Oh my deb, your poor Mom sounds so tortured now. Bless her heart. I know how that must prey on your mind. Why on earth don't your sisters move them to the locked unit by you?? Sorry, I'm sure you don't know the answer either but something is going to have to give with that situation.....soon.
Just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you and hope that you can get some down time. You certainly need it and deserve it.
Love, Chris
Just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you and hope that you can get some down time. You certainly need it and deserve it.
Love, Chris
dorri
03-30-2009, 11:46 AM
Hey Deb, again sorry that mom's behavior is off? How long has she been off and on these old/new medications? From experience with my mom I can tell you that some of these meds take a long time to clear the system even after stopping? When the doctor prescribed an antidepressant for my mom, she was only on it for a week and a half. During this time she was more confused with behavioral changes which lasted for quite some time even after stopping the drug not to mention that she started to soil herself which she never did before. She's okay in that department now. I think some drugs are capable of triggering off a chemical imbalance and some of those effects go on for some time even after stopping the drug making their confusion and behavior even more bizzare.
We were able to tell when the drug cleared from her system. Although she was still confused, it wasn't half as bad as in those first few weeks.
Hopefullly your mom will improve soon.
We were able to tell when the drug cleared from her system. Although she was still confused, it wasn't half as bad as in those first few weeks.
Hopefullly your mom will improve soon.
meg1230
03-30-2009, 03:18 PM
NONE of this is funny but everytime you bring up Three Men and a Truck I have to laugh. It's just sort of a funny picture in my head of these 3 guys with a pick up.
And the phone calls made on the remote...yep, it's what my mom does too...and sometimes she can't figure out why the tv won't work when she is trying to change the channel with the phone! She does it sometimes while talking to us on the phone and then cuts us off looking for the Andy Griffith Show. :dizzy:
But the thing about the pictures and accusations of stealing..well, that is why my mom wouldn't talk to me for so long...I was stealing her family pictures or so she thought.
I think she was more looking for her family..not the pictures.
Glad to hear Sister#4 is Johnny on the spot in finding them alternative living arrangement. Wouldn't want to wait til the last minute.:confused:
And your dad...Bless his heart. Reminds me a little of my step dad..I called him one morning when my mom was on one of her rants and I asked him what he was doing and he said, "Praying to die". We both bust out laughing.
Hang on.
Love, Meg
And the phone calls made on the remote...yep, it's what my mom does too...and sometimes she can't figure out why the tv won't work when she is trying to change the channel with the phone! She does it sometimes while talking to us on the phone and then cuts us off looking for the Andy Griffith Show. :dizzy:
But the thing about the pictures and accusations of stealing..well, that is why my mom wouldn't talk to me for so long...I was stealing her family pictures or so she thought.
I think she was more looking for her family..not the pictures.
Glad to hear Sister#4 is Johnny on the spot in finding them alternative living arrangement. Wouldn't want to wait til the last minute.:confused:
And your dad...Bless his heart. Reminds me a little of my step dad..I called him one morning when my mom was on one of her rants and I asked him what he was doing and he said, "Praying to die". We both bust out laughing.
Hang on.
Love, Meg
Drews Gram
03-30-2009, 03:26 PM
Thanks Meg...........That one gave me a good laugh..I can hear the dry humor response that he gave you....."Praying to die". You have to laugh or you would cry. My Grandpa had that dry humor and he made me laugh all of the time. Sure miss him and his wit.
Love, Chris
Love, Chris
meg1230
03-30-2009, 06:12 PM
Yeah, I miss my stepdad a lot too. He was my friend and I have to constantly remind myself to stop blaming him for mom getting so out of control. He did the best he could..it was all wrong but it was all he knew how to do. I regret very much that he died at the height of her awful behavior and didn't get to experience the sweetness that we were able to grab back.
He was a good man and a terrible joke teller and could make you groan at the drop of a hat with his awfuls puns. We loved it and him.
Sadly...Meg
He was a good man and a terrible joke teller and could make you groan at the drop of a hat with his awfuls puns. We loved it and him.
Sadly...Meg
caringsister54
03-30-2009, 09:23 PM
I had to laugh about the "praying to die" response. I find that just so funny.
I'm going to make you laugh at a few things:
1) Did I ever tell you the story of Mom and the two watches? Well, pull up a chair . . .
Picture it -- married only 3 months, living next door to Mom -- not in her hip pocket but living on the other side of their wall. Well. MIL early on was very upset that her baby boy was living next door to my Mom. She felt he would fall more in love with my mother and less in love with her as a mother! (gotta love people's minds sometimes) anyway. I told her there was nothing to stop her from coming over and staying the weekends.
So, there I am demanding that he pick up his mother and his baby sister that weekend BUT I wanted to make sure my mother didn't 'stick her head in' and give my mil the wrong impression about our relationship and living arrangements so I asked my mother to stay on her side of the house and not come over and explained why.
Well, the visit started very well -- but during the length of the visit, mil got more quieter by the hour. When I asked what was wrong she said "does your mother know I'm here?" I said "yes" She said "oh I guess she doesn't like me" I said "What!?" she said "then why wouldn't she come over and say hello?" I said "because I told her not to so you wouldn't get it into your head that she's over here all the time because that's not the kind of relationship I have with her" she said "Oh, how dare you! that's your mother". So I went next door and practically had to drag mom over for coffee and desert.
There we all are -- around the kitchen table -- one blended happy?? family. And I see my mother wearing two watches!!! -- My mil also noticed and we looked at one another with that look. When I asked Mom why she had two watches on, she said "why not? one of them is running slow"
That is also as cute as my aunt calling her church on Christmas Eve to ask the priest what time Midnight Mass was.
My cousin said she was going to write all this down into a book and I said you can call it "How the heck did I get into this family!"
Have a laugh ladies. I'll tell you another funny story about myself in another post.
CaringSister54
I'm going to make you laugh at a few things:
1) Did I ever tell you the story of Mom and the two watches? Well, pull up a chair . . .
Picture it -- married only 3 months, living next door to Mom -- not in her hip pocket but living on the other side of their wall. Well. MIL early on was very upset that her baby boy was living next door to my Mom. She felt he would fall more in love with my mother and less in love with her as a mother! (gotta love people's minds sometimes) anyway. I told her there was nothing to stop her from coming over and staying the weekends.
So, there I am demanding that he pick up his mother and his baby sister that weekend BUT I wanted to make sure my mother didn't 'stick her head in' and give my mil the wrong impression about our relationship and living arrangements so I asked my mother to stay on her side of the house and not come over and explained why.
Well, the visit started very well -- but during the length of the visit, mil got more quieter by the hour. When I asked what was wrong she said "does your mother know I'm here?" I said "yes" She said "oh I guess she doesn't like me" I said "What!?" she said "then why wouldn't she come over and say hello?" I said "because I told her not to so you wouldn't get it into your head that she's over here all the time because that's not the kind of relationship I have with her" she said "Oh, how dare you! that's your mother". So I went next door and practically had to drag mom over for coffee and desert.
There we all are -- around the kitchen table -- one blended happy?? family. And I see my mother wearing two watches!!! -- My mil also noticed and we looked at one another with that look. When I asked Mom why she had two watches on, she said "why not? one of them is running slow"
That is also as cute as my aunt calling her church on Christmas Eve to ask the priest what time Midnight Mass was.
My cousin said she was going to write all this down into a book and I said you can call it "How the heck did I get into this family!"
Have a laugh ladies. I'll tell you another funny story about myself in another post.
CaringSister54
Martha H
03-30-2009, 09:52 PM
Thanks for a good laugh!
My Mom was an immigrant from Germany and by the time her first baby was born in a New York hospital, she had become a US citizen, but her English was not very good yet. The nurse came in the morning after the birth and said to Mom, "did you void?" Mom said,"Yes, I voted last November!"
My Uncles always said NOICE for nurse .. and Toity Toid for 33rd Street .... so her English comprehension was not all that good ... yet! Later she actually graduated from college at the age of 67.
Love,
Martha
My Mom was an immigrant from Germany and by the time her first baby was born in a New York hospital, she had become a US citizen, but her English was not very good yet. The nurse came in the morning after the birth and said to Mom, "did you void?" Mom said,"Yes, I voted last November!"
My Uncles always said NOICE for nurse .. and Toity Toid for 33rd Street .... so her English comprehension was not all that good ... yet! Later she actually graduated from college at the age of 67.
Love,
Martha
dorri
03-30-2009, 10:17 PM
Sorry Chris and Megan, it's never easy losing the one's we love. Even though they are gone, it's nice that we can still hang on to the pleasant memories we had of them. I miss my FIL and dad too. I miss my mom even though she is still alive, I miss my family the way they use to be.
Hugs
Hugs
meg1230
03-30-2009, 10:37 PM
Thanks for all the laughs everyone...:jester:
see, we're here to cry AND laugh together.
Deb, :wave: I hope you're still here to get some smiles. You need 'em!
Love, Meg
see, we're here to cry AND laugh together.
Deb, :wave: I hope you're still here to get some smiles. You need 'em!
Love, Meg
dorri
03-30-2009, 11:03 PM
Martha, your mother's graduation was an accomplishment at 67. It must have made her and all of you proud.
Caringsister, that's funny, my mother felt I liked my MIL more. For the last couple of years she had it in her head and it caused some upsets although my MIL never did know my mom felt this way. It's a good thing.
Deb, hope you are hanging in and getting the break you need.
Caringsister, that's funny, my mother felt I liked my MIL more. For the last couple of years she had it in her head and it caused some upsets although my MIL never did know my mom felt this way. It's a good thing.
Deb, hope you are hanging in and getting the break you need.
caringsister54
03-31-2009, 06:08 AM
Laughter and tears are very close relatives. We could all use a belly laugh now couldn't we?
Its the memories of the past we have to remember to get us through the todays but I wouldn't want to go back in time -- I'm glad I got through to the ages my children are now 25 and 22 and all the happiness and memories they have been able to gather over all the years. To go back and deal with the parent/teacher meetings, the doctor appointments, the illness of my dear, departed Mikey all over again. The loss of my Dad and my father-in-law never mind all the other relatives and friends I lost over the years -- no thanks. Don't want to go back.
My sister's tears were just that when we were getting the lawyer's papers together -- I want Mommy back!, I want Daddy back!, I want the way things were back but I don't want Mommy back sick. I know what she was feeling having shed those tears in the minutes, hours, days, weeks, months and years after my Mikey passed away -- but we can't have it back and I refuse to make myself sick wishing for what was.
Its a matter of glass half empty or half full. God has blessed me with times my glass was over-flowing and times when it may have been half-full but its never been half-empty.
Love us all -- God Bless the Caregivers
CaringSister54
Its the memories of the past we have to remember to get us through the todays but I wouldn't want to go back in time -- I'm glad I got through to the ages my children are now 25 and 22 and all the happiness and memories they have been able to gather over all the years. To go back and deal with the parent/teacher meetings, the doctor appointments, the illness of my dear, departed Mikey all over again. The loss of my Dad and my father-in-law never mind all the other relatives and friends I lost over the years -- no thanks. Don't want to go back.
My sister's tears were just that when we were getting the lawyer's papers together -- I want Mommy back!, I want Daddy back!, I want the way things were back but I don't want Mommy back sick. I know what she was feeling having shed those tears in the minutes, hours, days, weeks, months and years after my Mikey passed away -- but we can't have it back and I refuse to make myself sick wishing for what was.
Its a matter of glass half empty or half full. God has blessed me with times my glass was over-flowing and times when it may have been half-full but its never been half-empty.
Love us all -- God Bless the Caregivers
CaringSister54
caringsister54
03-31-2009, 06:12 AM
Oh and now my funny story about myself -- we all have to laugh at ourselves periodically right????:):jester:
Sunday took daughter and niece into NYC to see the Broadway Play "Mary Poppins". During show, I took my cell phone out and just opened it for the light it emits so I can see my watch and know what time it was.
Well daughter leans over and whispers "did you just open your phone to see your watch?" I said "yes" she said "Gosh Mom, you're losing it!, your phone has the clock on it all the time, why didn't you just look at the phone?"
Don't ask me why I did what I did, but I sure was chuckling to myself for most of the show thinking -- "what the heck was I thinking?"
P.S. The show was great
CaringSister54
Sunday took daughter and niece into NYC to see the Broadway Play "Mary Poppins". During show, I took my cell phone out and just opened it for the light it emits so I can see my watch and know what time it was.
Well daughter leans over and whispers "did you just open your phone to see your watch?" I said "yes" she said "Gosh Mom, you're losing it!, your phone has the clock on it all the time, why didn't you just look at the phone?"
Don't ask me why I did what I did, but I sure was chuckling to myself for most of the show thinking -- "what the heck was I thinking?"
P.S. The show was great
CaringSister54
dorri
03-31-2009, 02:58 PM
Deb here's a hug and hope you are getting a break from all the burdens in life.
Caringsister, what words of wisdom, how many times have I said I wish I could go back, that life was easier then, but it's not true, (I just coped better) would I want all the painful moments back, I lost a teenage brother in a car fatality, I lost both my father and father in law to cancer, I lost my niece to unknown causes, and what about the sickness I went through over the years, no thanks there's enough pain and plenty to cope with in the present without borrowing the sorrows of the past. I'll keep today instead.
Caringsister, what words of wisdom, how many times have I said I wish I could go back, that life was easier then, but it's not true, (I just coped better) would I want all the painful moments back, I lost a teenage brother in a car fatality, I lost both my father and father in law to cancer, I lost my niece to unknown causes, and what about the sickness I went through over the years, no thanks there's enough pain and plenty to cope with in the present without borrowing the sorrows of the past. I'll keep today instead.