ghostrider8000
04-08-2009, 07:07 PM
I need help,
I am 26 and for the past 10 years or so I have been struggling internally with my thoughts. I feel the need to obsess about something ALL THE TIME. I tend to focus on one behavior or thought that is generally not noticeable to to anyone. For example, currently I am consciously breathing. I only breath through my nose, and I completely control my breathing. I have been doing this for a couple months now. Before this, I would attempt to simile ALL THE TIME. I would do this until my face muscles felt strained and tight, and I continued. Before that I would clench the muscles of my face, straining, like I was thinking really hard. For some reason I am not sure of, I believe these ritual behaviors are necessary for me to be good enough. I feel if I don't have some "magical" ritual I will fail at work, fail in relationships, fail in sports, and fail in life. However, I also think this is unnatural and I cannot imagine anyone else I know to behave this way. I just have not been able to let go. It seems whatever I am doing it is to distract me from some pain or insecurities, and the more I can distract myself, the more I can focus on the present. Ultimately, I just want to move forward and enjoy my life to the fullest. I seem to be only able to have one obsession/focus at a time. The obsessions seem to focus my attention, and bring me to the present. I think these behaviors might be unnatural, draining to my energy/health, and holding back my potential. I am just wanting to know what is going on with me, if anyone else has experienced this, and what I should do about it. I have been struggling so long and I am not sure what else to do. Thank you for reading this if you have gotten this far! Any advise would be greatly appreciated!
Just to clarify some more, these behaviors seem to be conscious efforts, and they are rooted in some good feeling I have had, or positive realization. I think I latch on to them in attempts of controlling my reality. I have had probably 20 or so rituals, and at some point in all of them I decide that they are crazy and I move into another obsessions. I think it sounds completely insane. I just haven't not been able to stop! Somewhere I believe its helping, and the little voice that says its crazy can't speak loud enough, or make enough logical sense to stop the cycle.
Its as though I feel without some behavior or constant effort I will melt into depression or anxiety or loneliness or insanity. When I say constant effort, I mean I am only not focus intently on my obsession when I am asleep. The moment I awaken, I clench on to my current habit.
Am I mentally medicating myself for some dysfunction in my mind with these behaviors. I'm exhausted...
I hope someone can help. :confused:
Thanks again.
Ghostrider8000
I am 26 and for the past 10 years or so I have been struggling internally with my thoughts. I feel the need to obsess about something ALL THE TIME. I tend to focus on one behavior or thought that is generally not noticeable to to anyone. For example, currently I am consciously breathing. I only breath through my nose, and I completely control my breathing. I have been doing this for a couple months now. Before this, I would attempt to simile ALL THE TIME. I would do this until my face muscles felt strained and tight, and I continued. Before that I would clench the muscles of my face, straining, like I was thinking really hard. For some reason I am not sure of, I believe these ritual behaviors are necessary for me to be good enough. I feel if I don't have some "magical" ritual I will fail at work, fail in relationships, fail in sports, and fail in life. However, I also think this is unnatural and I cannot imagine anyone else I know to behave this way. I just have not been able to let go. It seems whatever I am doing it is to distract me from some pain or insecurities, and the more I can distract myself, the more I can focus on the present. Ultimately, I just want to move forward and enjoy my life to the fullest. I seem to be only able to have one obsession/focus at a time. The obsessions seem to focus my attention, and bring me to the present. I think these behaviors might be unnatural, draining to my energy/health, and holding back my potential. I am just wanting to know what is going on with me, if anyone else has experienced this, and what I should do about it. I have been struggling so long and I am not sure what else to do. Thank you for reading this if you have gotten this far! Any advise would be greatly appreciated!
Just to clarify some more, these behaviors seem to be conscious efforts, and they are rooted in some good feeling I have had, or positive realization. I think I latch on to them in attempts of controlling my reality. I have had probably 20 or so rituals, and at some point in all of them I decide that they are crazy and I move into another obsessions. I think it sounds completely insane. I just haven't not been able to stop! Somewhere I believe its helping, and the little voice that says its crazy can't speak loud enough, or make enough logical sense to stop the cycle.
Its as though I feel without some behavior or constant effort I will melt into depression or anxiety or loneliness or insanity. When I say constant effort, I mean I am only not focus intently on my obsession when I am asleep. The moment I awaken, I clench on to my current habit.
Am I mentally medicating myself for some dysfunction in my mind with these behaviors. I'm exhausted...
I hope someone can help. :confused:
Thanks again.
Ghostrider8000
Sponsor
WantToManage
04-10-2009, 11:46 PM
Hi Ghostrider -- I'm not a doctor, but it does sound to me like this could be OCD. I believe that OCD can often be tied up with anxiety. I have generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) and I also have some mild OCD rituals (lock checking, checking for keys, etc.) and I agree with you that these rituals are about trying to control our reality. I know how exhausting anxiety/OCD can be, and how it can consume your life.
You've come to a good place here, and I encourage you to read other people's stories on these boards. You may find good ideas and you'll also find comfort in knowing there are lots of other people out there who suffer with these types of issues. Check out the OCD and anxiety boards on this site.
I've suffered with anxiety most of my life, but it wasn't till last January that I finally sought help from my doctor because I started having full-blown panic attacks for the first time. I'm now taking Lexapro and it's helping me a lot.
There are many ways to deal with OCD and anxiety through various therapies and/or medications. I'd suggest that you start by talking to your doctor.
Best of luck to you, and please keep us posted -- I'm confident you'll be able to overcome this challenge!
You've come to a good place here, and I encourage you to read other people's stories on these boards. You may find good ideas and you'll also find comfort in knowing there are lots of other people out there who suffer with these types of issues. Check out the OCD and anxiety boards on this site.
I've suffered with anxiety most of my life, but it wasn't till last January that I finally sought help from my doctor because I started having full-blown panic attacks for the first time. I'm now taking Lexapro and it's helping me a lot.
There are many ways to deal with OCD and anxiety through various therapies and/or medications. I'd suggest that you start by talking to your doctor.
Best of luck to you, and please keep us posted -- I'm confident you'll be able to overcome this challenge!