Swamp56
04-11-2009, 10:56 PM
Hello all ^.^ . My name's Chris, and I'm a full time student (going into freshman year in college), and I'm 18.
Anyway, I have been diagnosed with Clinical Depression, Anxiety, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and Bipolar Disorder.
The issue with my Bipolar Disorder, is that I'm starting to show signs that could potentially show a possibility of Schizophrenia. What I have noticed is a complete and utter lack of hygiene forming (showering once a week), I sometimes think that people can see my thoughts and so I feel the need to restrict what I think, which causes me stress since I have to push away unwanted thoughts.
Lately, I have been showing an increasing issue with expressing what I want to say w/o screwing up my wording, or saying things backwards or forgetting words...although I don't always get this.
I tend to think about weird things such as that maybe this world is all just fake and that we're all lying in pods on some weird planet dreaming our own worlds, or that maybe our world is part of some weird item (like a shoe), and that we're making up a larger matter that is human-like. I never really voice these opinions since they sound insane.
I tend to think that people are always talking badly about me and that people think that I'm a weird person or that if someone isn't in the perfect mood that it's because of me and whatnot (this being the case with my physics teacher).
I tend to talk to people in my mind who aren't there in reality (friends and whatnot)...I don't see then nor do I hear them in the sense of the word, but I do visualize a situation and I hear them talking to me and I talk to them mentally and verbally (out loud).
One example is when I was in the shower and I started thinking about myself talking to my psychotherapist and sitting in her office. I was speaking out loud in the shower to her and asking her why I'm so crazy. It was at this point where I completely forgot I was in the shower and I regained perception of my surroundings about 2 minutes later.
Another issue I have is that I lose complete control of myself and have episodes where I have no idea what I'm going to do. I got angry at my stepfather while driving and I took a sharp turn w/o breaking into a side street and pulled onto the side of the road and yelled as loud as I coud "NOW ARE WE GOING TO SHUT THE F**K UP?!!!" and then I slammed on the gas and made a u-turn and went back on driving (recklessly and fast). I only calmed down about 30 minutes after in which I felt none of the emotion I had before.
Little things can send me straight into a massive depression where I become suicidal and I cut my arms (wrist area), act out, attempt suicide (3 times so far...was hospitalized for 2), and scare the living hell out of my friends.
While I would mention my lack of fear and remorse, my meds are known to screw up parts like the hypothalamus and amygdala.
Anyway, those are some of the symptoms that I have, and was wondering what you guys thought :) . I think that I show symptoms of both schizophrenia and bipolar disorder, and I will be seeing my psychiatrist and psychotherapist soon to try and get down to the "nitty gritty". I was almost admitted tonight after I was talking to my mom about this :\ .
Anyway, I have been diagnosed with Clinical Depression, Anxiety, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and Bipolar Disorder.
The issue with my Bipolar Disorder, is that I'm starting to show signs that could potentially show a possibility of Schizophrenia. What I have noticed is a complete and utter lack of hygiene forming (showering once a week), I sometimes think that people can see my thoughts and so I feel the need to restrict what I think, which causes me stress since I have to push away unwanted thoughts.
Lately, I have been showing an increasing issue with expressing what I want to say w/o screwing up my wording, or saying things backwards or forgetting words...although I don't always get this.
I tend to think about weird things such as that maybe this world is all just fake and that we're all lying in pods on some weird planet dreaming our own worlds, or that maybe our world is part of some weird item (like a shoe), and that we're making up a larger matter that is human-like. I never really voice these opinions since they sound insane.
I tend to think that people are always talking badly about me and that people think that I'm a weird person or that if someone isn't in the perfect mood that it's because of me and whatnot (this being the case with my physics teacher).
I tend to talk to people in my mind who aren't there in reality (friends and whatnot)...I don't see then nor do I hear them in the sense of the word, but I do visualize a situation and I hear them talking to me and I talk to them mentally and verbally (out loud).
One example is when I was in the shower and I started thinking about myself talking to my psychotherapist and sitting in her office. I was speaking out loud in the shower to her and asking her why I'm so crazy. It was at this point where I completely forgot I was in the shower and I regained perception of my surroundings about 2 minutes later.
Another issue I have is that I lose complete control of myself and have episodes where I have no idea what I'm going to do. I got angry at my stepfather while driving and I took a sharp turn w/o breaking into a side street and pulled onto the side of the road and yelled as loud as I coud "NOW ARE WE GOING TO SHUT THE F**K UP?!!!" and then I slammed on the gas and made a u-turn and went back on driving (recklessly and fast). I only calmed down about 30 minutes after in which I felt none of the emotion I had before.
Little things can send me straight into a massive depression where I become suicidal and I cut my arms (wrist area), act out, attempt suicide (3 times so far...was hospitalized for 2), and scare the living hell out of my friends.
While I would mention my lack of fear and remorse, my meds are known to screw up parts like the hypothalamus and amygdala.
Anyway, those are some of the symptoms that I have, and was wondering what you guys thought :) . I think that I show symptoms of both schizophrenia and bipolar disorder, and I will be seeing my psychiatrist and psychotherapist soon to try and get down to the "nitty gritty". I was almost admitted tonight after I was talking to my mom about this :\ .
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dreams in neon
04-12-2009, 05:18 AM
I'm not a medical professional, but I am very familiar with schizophrenia and bipolar since I've been hearing voices since 1991, have been paranoid since 1995 and have had bipolar since 2006.
It sounds to me as if you have schizoaffective disorder. People with schizoaffective disorder display symptoms of mania and depression, but they also have difficulty with thinking and expressing themselves in writing and/or orally.
They experience visual and/or auditory hallucinations during a manic episode, a depressive episode and during normal mood.
There are 3 other diagnoses where bipolar coexists with schizophrenic-like symptoms:
Atypical Bipolar: A person may hear voices and/or see things that aren't there during a manic and/or depressive episode. They may also have rapid mood swings or frequent hypomania.
Bipolar I or II with Psychotic Features: A person may hear voices and/or see things that aren't there during a manic or depressive episode. If their moods cycle, they do not change as rapidly as they do for someone who has atypical bipolar.
Bipolar NOS (not otherwise specified): A person may hear voices and/or see things that aren't there during a manic or psychotic episode. Their moods may also cycle, but again, they don't cycle as frequently as they do for someone with atypical bipolar. Their primary symptoms are also unrelated to bipolar and their psychosis is the result of a separately diagnosed psychotic disorder. If someone is diagnosed with bipolar NOS, it means that they do not fit the standard criteria for bipolar I or II.
If you are experiencing psychotic symptoms, I would definitely talk to your pdoc. He or she may be able to prescribe an antipsychotic. I'm taking an antipsychotic called Risperdal for my voices. I've only started taking it recently, but this is the first time I haven't heard voices since 1991.
It sounds to me as if you have schizoaffective disorder. People with schizoaffective disorder display symptoms of mania and depression, but they also have difficulty with thinking and expressing themselves in writing and/or orally.
They experience visual and/or auditory hallucinations during a manic episode, a depressive episode and during normal mood.
There are 3 other diagnoses where bipolar coexists with schizophrenic-like symptoms:
Atypical Bipolar: A person may hear voices and/or see things that aren't there during a manic and/or depressive episode. They may also have rapid mood swings or frequent hypomania.
Bipolar I or II with Psychotic Features: A person may hear voices and/or see things that aren't there during a manic or depressive episode. If their moods cycle, they do not change as rapidly as they do for someone who has atypical bipolar.
Bipolar NOS (not otherwise specified): A person may hear voices and/or see things that aren't there during a manic or psychotic episode. Their moods may also cycle, but again, they don't cycle as frequently as they do for someone with atypical bipolar. Their primary symptoms are also unrelated to bipolar and their psychosis is the result of a separately diagnosed psychotic disorder. If someone is diagnosed with bipolar NOS, it means that they do not fit the standard criteria for bipolar I or II.
If you are experiencing psychotic symptoms, I would definitely talk to your pdoc. He or she may be able to prescribe an antipsychotic. I'm taking an antipsychotic called Risperdal for my voices. I've only started taking it recently, but this is the first time I haven't heard voices since 1991.
Swamp56
04-12-2009, 02:52 PM
Thank you for your reply!
I am already on Seroquel for my bipolar, and when I stay on it, the delusions such as thinking people can hear my thoughts go away, but I still talk to people who aren't there and whatnot.
My parents keep telling me that nothing is wrong and that I'm simply going through a tough time, and brushing off what I say.
I am already on Seroquel for my bipolar, and when I stay on it, the delusions such as thinking people can hear my thoughts go away, but I still talk to people who aren't there and whatnot.
My parents keep telling me that nothing is wrong and that I'm simply going through a tough time, and brushing off what I say.
dreams in neon
04-12-2009, 03:31 PM
Thank you for your reply!
I am already on Seroquel for my bipolar, and when I stay on it, the delusions such as thinking people can hear my thoughts go away, but I still talk to people who aren't there and whatnot.
My parents keep telling me that nothing is wrong and that I'm simply going through a tough time, and brushing off what I say.
I'm glad Seroquel works well for you. I've heard alot of good things about that med and how effective it can be for bipolar symptoms as well as delusions.
Have you told your pdoc about the fact that you talk to people who aren't there? I'm not sure what can be done about that, but perhaps he has a suggestion he could offer.
I know how you feel about parents not understanding. It took a very long time for my parents to accept the fact that I heard voices. They always used to blame it on stress and insisted that the voices I heard were my inner thoughts when they clearly were not. Once they saw me experience a psychotic episode, they were convinced of the fact that I was really hearing them.
I am already on Seroquel for my bipolar, and when I stay on it, the delusions such as thinking people can hear my thoughts go away, but I still talk to people who aren't there and whatnot.
My parents keep telling me that nothing is wrong and that I'm simply going through a tough time, and brushing off what I say.
I'm glad Seroquel works well for you. I've heard alot of good things about that med and how effective it can be for bipolar symptoms as well as delusions.
Have you told your pdoc about the fact that you talk to people who aren't there? I'm not sure what can be done about that, but perhaps he has a suggestion he could offer.
I know how you feel about parents not understanding. It took a very long time for my parents to accept the fact that I heard voices. They always used to blame it on stress and insisted that the voices I heard were my inner thoughts when they clearly were not. Once they saw me experience a psychotic episode, they were convinced of the fact that I was really hearing them.
Swamp56
04-12-2009, 10:11 PM
I'm glad Seroquel works well for you. I've heard alot of good things about that med and how effective it can be for bipolar symptoms as well as delusions.
Have you told your pdoc about the fact that you talk to people who aren't there? I'm not sure what can be done about that, but perhaps he has a suggestion he could offer.
I know how you feel about parents not understanding. It took a very long time for my parents to accept the fact that I heard voices. They always used to blame it on stress and insisted that the voices I heard were my inner thoughts when they clearly were not. Once they saw me experience a psychotic episode, they were convinced of the fact that I was really hearing them.
The only people who have ever seen me have a psychotic episodes were my friends :\ .
But ya, I have been thinking if this is all in my mind (me not really having these symptoms, but thinking I do), but then I realize that even during the summer I wouldn't be able to sit on one side of the bed because if I did, I thought my friend wouldn't like me; I also thought my friend would kill himself if I didn't re-arrange my desktop icons or uninstall certain programs in my computer. I can't tell if this is OCD or some weird delusional thing.
I have noticed that I think people can read my thoughts, and this certainly is an odd sign, but idk.
Have you told your pdoc about the fact that you talk to people who aren't there? I'm not sure what can be done about that, but perhaps he has a suggestion he could offer.
I know how you feel about parents not understanding. It took a very long time for my parents to accept the fact that I heard voices. They always used to blame it on stress and insisted that the voices I heard were my inner thoughts when they clearly were not. Once they saw me experience a psychotic episode, they were convinced of the fact that I was really hearing them.
The only people who have ever seen me have a psychotic episodes were my friends :\ .
But ya, I have been thinking if this is all in my mind (me not really having these symptoms, but thinking I do), but then I realize that even during the summer I wouldn't be able to sit on one side of the bed because if I did, I thought my friend wouldn't like me; I also thought my friend would kill himself if I didn't re-arrange my desktop icons or uninstall certain programs in my computer. I can't tell if this is OCD or some weird delusional thing.
I have noticed that I think people can read my thoughts, and this certainly is an odd sign, but idk.
dreams in neon
04-13-2009, 05:26 AM
The only people who have ever seen me have a psychotic episodes were my friends :\ .
But ya, I have been thinking if this is all in my mind (me not really having these symptoms, but thinking I do), but then I realize that even during the summer I wouldn't be able to sit on one side of the bed because if I did, I thought my friend wouldn't like me; I also thought my friend would kill himself if I didn't re-arrange my desktop icons or uninstall certain programs in my computer. I can't tell if this is OCD or some weird delusional thing.
I have noticed that I think people can read my thoughts, and this certainly is an odd sign, but idk.
The fact that you think people can read your thoughts sounds like a delusion to me.
I experienced this as well during my first manic/psychotic episode.
I thought famous radio DJs were inserting thoughts into my head, controlling my thinking and reading my thoughts.
I communicated with them by thinking to myself. My thoughts would travel through the air to wherever they were.
The DJs would respond to them and send their thoughts back to me.
I also thought that the FBI was sending messages to me through the TV, radio and e-mail.
I know all of this sounds really strange, but that's what happens when you're delusional. Nothing makes sense and you don't realize that it isn't real until after you are able to start thinking clearly.
I can think logically about my delusions after the fact, but when I'm hearing voices, I believe all of my delusions are true and no one can convince me otherwise.
But ya, I have been thinking if this is all in my mind (me not really having these symptoms, but thinking I do), but then I realize that even during the summer I wouldn't be able to sit on one side of the bed because if I did, I thought my friend wouldn't like me; I also thought my friend would kill himself if I didn't re-arrange my desktop icons or uninstall certain programs in my computer. I can't tell if this is OCD or some weird delusional thing.
I have noticed that I think people can read my thoughts, and this certainly is an odd sign, but idk.
The fact that you think people can read your thoughts sounds like a delusion to me.
I experienced this as well during my first manic/psychotic episode.
I thought famous radio DJs were inserting thoughts into my head, controlling my thinking and reading my thoughts.
I communicated with them by thinking to myself. My thoughts would travel through the air to wherever they were.
The DJs would respond to them and send their thoughts back to me.
I also thought that the FBI was sending messages to me through the TV, radio and e-mail.
I know all of this sounds really strange, but that's what happens when you're delusional. Nothing makes sense and you don't realize that it isn't real until after you are able to start thinking clearly.
I can think logically about my delusions after the fact, but when I'm hearing voices, I believe all of my delusions are true and no one can convince me otherwise.
Swamp56
04-13-2009, 11:36 AM
Ya, last night I had to close my blinds because it felt like I was being watched... I also couldn't see why someone wouldn't be able to read my mind. Sometimes I keep thinking that I'm making this all up to think that I have some other issue, but I have thought people could read my mind since I was in 5th grade (I'm a graduating senior in high school at the moment).
My parents think that I'm just trying to find something else to diagnose myself with and that this is in my head.
I also noticed that when I'm around friends I tend to forget these things and I don't have delusions. Thing is that I'm usually alone, since I don't have many friends.
My parents think that I'm just trying to find something else to diagnose myself with and that this is in my head.
I also noticed that when I'm around friends I tend to forget these things and I don't have delusions. Thing is that I'm usually alone, since I don't have many friends.
Swamp56
04-13-2009, 05:24 PM
Also, my medicine has entered my system, so I'm not showing many signs now; I put int a call to my psychiatrist and got her earliest appointment on the 23rd of April, and I called my psychotherapist and left her a message explaining I was showing strange symptoms when not on my meds and that I want to setup an appointment soon.
dreams in neon
04-13-2009, 06:05 PM
Also, my medicine has entered my system, so I'm not showing many signs now; I put int a call to my psychiatrist and got her earliest appointment on the 23rd of April, and I called my psychotherapist and left her a message explaining I was showing strange symptoms when not on my meds and that I want to setup an appointment soon.
I'm glad you were able to call your pdoc and tdoc. Good luck at both of your appointments. I hope you'll keep me posted on how everything goes.
I'm glad you were able to call your pdoc and tdoc. Good luck at both of your appointments. I hope you'll keep me posted on how everything goes.
dreams in neon
04-22-2009, 01:47 PM
I strongly disagree with your post especially as it pertains to bipolar. Bipolar is a lifelong disorder that requires meds. If left untreated, bipolar can become worse to the point where a person experiences progressively severe manic episodes as they age.
As far as a person having the desire to continue having symptoms, this is true of some people who have bipolar when they are manic. Many of them feel extremely happy, overconfident, productive and intelligent that they do not want meds to dampen their emotions.
If a manic episode is not controlled by meds, this can lead to psychosis and delusions. This is what happened to me in 2006 after I was manic from December 2004-March 2006. (Note that I wasn't diagnosed with bipolar until March 2006.) I started hearing up to 20 different voices, was delusional and extremely paranoid. Once I was given high doses of mood stabilizers and antipsychotics, I was able to come down from my mania and my voices completely disappeared.
I would NOT advise anyone to stop taking their meds for schizophrenia or bipolar. If this is something a person feels strongly about, they need to discuss this with their pdoc first since stopping meds cold turkey can result in seizures or other conditions.
I really hope those who are reading this thread stop and think about how important meds are. Schizophrenia and bipolar cannot be "cured" by thinking your way out of it or turning to a higher power. I've had auditory hallucinations since 1991 and have prayed to God numerous times, but I still
continued to hear voices. It wasn't until my pdoc prescribed Risperdal that I stopped hearing them 24/7.
As far as a person having the desire to continue having symptoms, this is true of some people who have bipolar when they are manic. Many of them feel extremely happy, overconfident, productive and intelligent that they do not want meds to dampen their emotions.
If a manic episode is not controlled by meds, this can lead to psychosis and delusions. This is what happened to me in 2006 after I was manic from December 2004-March 2006. (Note that I wasn't diagnosed with bipolar until March 2006.) I started hearing up to 20 different voices, was delusional and extremely paranoid. Once I was given high doses of mood stabilizers and antipsychotics, I was able to come down from my mania and my voices completely disappeared.
I would NOT advise anyone to stop taking their meds for schizophrenia or bipolar. If this is something a person feels strongly about, they need to discuss this with their pdoc first since stopping meds cold turkey can result in seizures or other conditions.
I really hope those who are reading this thread stop and think about how important meds are. Schizophrenia and bipolar cannot be "cured" by thinking your way out of it or turning to a higher power. I've had auditory hallucinations since 1991 and have prayed to God numerous times, but I still
continued to hear voices. It wasn't until my pdoc prescribed Risperdal that I stopped hearing them 24/7.
dreams in neon
04-22-2009, 01:53 PM
If a person wants to have a competition as to who takes the most meds, they have bigger problems than mental illness. As for myself, I really don't care how many meds I'm on as long as they address my symptoms.
By the way, in case anyone is wondering, the reason why I include a list of my meds in my signature is because I want to help others who are taking the same meds. When I started taking Depakote and Risperdal 3 years ago, I found the experiences of others helpful since it allowed me to know what I could expect in terms of possible side effects.
By the way, in case anyone is wondering, the reason why I include a list of my meds in my signature is because I want to help others who are taking the same meds. When I started taking Depakote and Risperdal 3 years ago, I found the experiences of others helpful since it allowed me to know what I could expect in terms of possible side effects.
jsanchezart
04-27-2009, 12:24 PM
Hi all, thanks for your postings. I have been recovering fom Schizoeffective disorder for over twenty years. I make it a point not to miss meds and appointments with my doctors. About twelve years ago I was able to get a car and maintain it so getting to work hasn't been a problem, although for a long while I had trouble getting up which caused me to get fired a few times. I logged on to this site because i tend to lose touch with my illness. People say i appear so normal that they have never suspected anything like saying I am behaving oddly or anything. I spend a lot of energy keeping a neat appearance because the years I spent in treatment before going into the workforce full-time, I noticed how much patients change when they stop their meds. They grow beards or stop showering. Their voices get softer making it hard to hear them, they get violent sometimes too. I knew a guy who threw a chair through a store window after he went off his meds.I have been having a hard time now as the weather is nicer and I have feelings I should be out with friends or hiking or something, or playing tennis. i put so much energy into appearing normal i forget that there are times when a little craziness is necessary. By craziness I mean spontaneity and laughter or allowing myself to make jokes with people and being a bit of a clown, which i used to be before getting ill. I hardly ever feel like myself even thought it has been pretty good for a long while. Only three hospitalizations since 86. I am worried because I feel myself starting to isolate which is not good. i have an appt on Wednesday to see my doctor. I wish all of you guys well. Sorry for the long email but I felt a need to get this out and connect. Write back if you are so inclined. JS
dreams in neon
04-27-2009, 03:45 PM
JS,
Have you thought about volunteering in your community once or twice/week? This is a great way to meet others and make new friends. Now that I'm stable on my meds, I volunteer twice/week. I have a wonderful time, I love what I do and have made many friends in the process.
Have you thought about volunteering in your community once or twice/week? This is a great way to meet others and make new friends. Now that I'm stable on my meds, I volunteer twice/week. I have a wonderful time, I love what I do and have made many friends in the process.
jsanchezart
04-27-2009, 06:43 PM
Thanks so much for the suggestion. I will look into it. Much appreciated. I will touch base to let you know how it is going. JS
dreams in neon
04-27-2009, 07:21 PM
Thanks so much for the suggestion. I will look into it. Much appreciated. I will touch base to let you know how it is going. JS
You're welcome. Good luck!
You're welcome. Good luck!
maxmillion
04-29-2009, 12:34 PM
Hi,
I was diagnosed with Schizo-Affective disorder a couple of years ago. I have had, first admission - 10 days, second admission - 2 months, third admission - 3 months, in pretty quick succession. All those were between 2003 and 05, so I am going on 4 years away from Hospital now. It's not the longest anyone's ever stayed out but it's a start.
I don't get many symptoms now (got the medication right) and I did find to get where I wanted to get, it did take a lot of talking with my support workers, developing the skills to cope with off the wall thoughts and for me, re-establishing my confidence to a point where I could socially interact at reasonably high level again.
My symptoms are probably 30 minutes in a fortnight. That's complete delusion, say, characters on a computer game have a soul and can communicate with me kinda stuff. (haha makes sense at the time) I actually enjoy those times now because I know they will pass quickly, I don't express them to anyone and it's just nice to have that short dellusion of wow, maybe life is more magical then it is (and if truth be known, I probably let myself go into these). Don't get me wrong though, I never want to see a full on episode again. Like everyone else I have seen the pain of my and others disorders.
The stratagey I use for bizarre thoughts is pretty simple. It's an idea, a theory, an opinion. Not the truth. For me it's theory, "Oh, cow's are actually running the world.. Interesting theory..". I use 'theory' like someone on a high building uses, "don't look down!". To remove myself from the situation and give myself the clarity to say, this is not really an ordinary thought at the time I have it. Whether that actually helps is open for debate.
For some reason when I go into an episode, I forget the life time of past experience against my thoughts, also I place a higher regard on my thoughts than external stimulas and never consider that there are alternatives to my then beliefs. What's an example, "the universe is a massive random number generator - one input at the start and me typing this post, a random resultant." In an episode for example, truth, now just an inprobable theory.
Why are we drawn to, when we're ill, think about things with no answer? The universe, God, telepathy? I don't think in any of my episodes did I ever believe a cup was a plate. Haha, sure the cup may have been talking to me at the time, but it was never a plate. :)
I don't know what I'm trying to say, I'm just trying to find peace with it. Use it when it's valuable and silence it when its destructive.
I was diagnosed with Schizo-Affective disorder a couple of years ago. I have had, first admission - 10 days, second admission - 2 months, third admission - 3 months, in pretty quick succession. All those were between 2003 and 05, so I am going on 4 years away from Hospital now. It's not the longest anyone's ever stayed out but it's a start.
I don't get many symptoms now (got the medication right) and I did find to get where I wanted to get, it did take a lot of talking with my support workers, developing the skills to cope with off the wall thoughts and for me, re-establishing my confidence to a point where I could socially interact at reasonably high level again.
My symptoms are probably 30 minutes in a fortnight. That's complete delusion, say, characters on a computer game have a soul and can communicate with me kinda stuff. (haha makes sense at the time) I actually enjoy those times now because I know they will pass quickly, I don't express them to anyone and it's just nice to have that short dellusion of wow, maybe life is more magical then it is (and if truth be known, I probably let myself go into these). Don't get me wrong though, I never want to see a full on episode again. Like everyone else I have seen the pain of my and others disorders.
The stratagey I use for bizarre thoughts is pretty simple. It's an idea, a theory, an opinion. Not the truth. For me it's theory, "Oh, cow's are actually running the world.. Interesting theory..". I use 'theory' like someone on a high building uses, "don't look down!". To remove myself from the situation and give myself the clarity to say, this is not really an ordinary thought at the time I have it. Whether that actually helps is open for debate.
For some reason when I go into an episode, I forget the life time of past experience against my thoughts, also I place a higher regard on my thoughts than external stimulas and never consider that there are alternatives to my then beliefs. What's an example, "the universe is a massive random number generator - one input at the start and me typing this post, a random resultant." In an episode for example, truth, now just an inprobable theory.
Why are we drawn to, when we're ill, think about things with no answer? The universe, God, telepathy? I don't think in any of my episodes did I ever believe a cup was a plate. Haha, sure the cup may have been talking to me at the time, but it was never a plate. :)
I don't know what I'm trying to say, I'm just trying to find peace with it. Use it when it's valuable and silence it when its destructive.
dreams in neon
04-29-2009, 01:16 PM
I find that I'm able to distract myself from my delusions by doing the same thing. I simply remind myself that they aren't real and have no basis in reality. People aren't watching me, following me or poisoning my food. The FBI isn't sending me special messages through the TV, radio or e-mail.
The part where I have a great deal of difficulty though is where my voices are concerned. They are *very* real to me when I hear them and I can't think clearly enough to tell myself otherwise. What complicates things further is the fact that they are very loud and angry. If I try to drown them out by listening to music, they become extremely upset and start shouting. Then they command me to harm myself and tell me what an awful person I am.
I've thought about using hypnosis as a way of dealing with my voices, but I'm still on the fence as far as that's concerned.
Besides, I'm now on a new med regimen that is working well. Ever since starting a new antipsychotic in conjunction with a benzo, I haven't heard any voices or had any delusions.
The part where I have a great deal of difficulty though is where my voices are concerned. They are *very* real to me when I hear them and I can't think clearly enough to tell myself otherwise. What complicates things further is the fact that they are very loud and angry. If I try to drown them out by listening to music, they become extremely upset and start shouting. Then they command me to harm myself and tell me what an awful person I am.
I've thought about using hypnosis as a way of dealing with my voices, but I'm still on the fence as far as that's concerned.
Besides, I'm now on a new med regimen that is working well. Ever since starting a new antipsychotic in conjunction with a benzo, I haven't heard any voices or had any delusions.
maxmillion
04-29-2009, 02:08 PM
I don't know much about voices, it's a feature I don't have. I do have intrusive thoughts when ill, which in me are like voices, just not audible.
When I was in hospital for my longest time, my family came in and said that I had reached my limit at that hospital and I was going to be sent to a long term stay hospital. That news over rode my episode and I knew I had to snap out of it. That was pretty much my first rational thought in 3 months.
The intrusive thoughts (which were also very scary at one time, it was the devil telepathically communicating, just not audible. In my beliefs at the time it was as real as if he was standing in front of me) but, back to the point, the intrusive thoughts had to be stopped. So I just said stop everytime one came in. I wouldnt just say stop I would say it completely over the top of it. They wouldnt quit but I kept doing it. By the end of the second day they had been reduced enough to go back into rational thought. There was no change of medication or counseling session just Stop. Doing that was absolutely mentally exhausting.
That worked for me, in that instance, 3 weeks earlier maybe not, without the shock of long term hospitalisation maybe not again. (i would have danced with the devil before going away for another 3 or 6 months)
Just a long post for the answer in the first line, I don't know much about voices...
When I was in hospital for my longest time, my family came in and said that I had reached my limit at that hospital and I was going to be sent to a long term stay hospital. That news over rode my episode and I knew I had to snap out of it. That was pretty much my first rational thought in 3 months.
The intrusive thoughts (which were also very scary at one time, it was the devil telepathically communicating, just not audible. In my beliefs at the time it was as real as if he was standing in front of me) but, back to the point, the intrusive thoughts had to be stopped. So I just said stop everytime one came in. I wouldnt just say stop I would say it completely over the top of it. They wouldnt quit but I kept doing it. By the end of the second day they had been reduced enough to go back into rational thought. There was no change of medication or counseling session just Stop. Doing that was absolutely mentally exhausting.
That worked for me, in that instance, 3 weeks earlier maybe not, without the shock of long term hospitalisation maybe not again. (i would have danced with the devil before going away for another 3 or 6 months)
Just a long post for the answer in the first line, I don't know much about voices...
dreams in neon
04-29-2009, 02:19 PM
I'll have to give that a try the next time I'm delusional.
I've also had thought intrusion, but it was 3 years ago when I was hospitalized for my first manic/psychotic episode.
I believed famous radio DJs were reading my thoughts and replacing them accordingly.
I also thought I could communicate with them by thinking silently to myself and having my thoughts travel through the air to wherever they were. (I know it sounds weird, but there you go.)
I haven't had any problems with delusions since then thank goodness and I hope it stays that way.
I've also had thought intrusion, but it was 3 years ago when I was hospitalized for my first manic/psychotic episode.
I believed famous radio DJs were reading my thoughts and replacing them accordingly.
I also thought I could communicate with them by thinking silently to myself and having my thoughts travel through the air to wherever they were. (I know it sounds weird, but there you go.)
I haven't had any problems with delusions since then thank goodness and I hope it stays that way.
maxmillion
04-29-2009, 02:46 PM
dreams_as_neon, as a completely random person on the net, can I ask you a question.
Did your delusions have a back story - did you believe your delusions because at the time they made sense and you could see why/how it was possible, or, was it just a thought that you *knew* was true?
I would put my experience but I want to know I havent influenced your response, if you choose to.
Did your delusions have a back story - did you believe your delusions because at the time they made sense and you could see why/how it was possible, or, was it just a thought that you *knew* was true?
I would put my experience but I want to know I havent influenced your response, if you choose to.
dreams in neon
04-29-2009, 02:58 PM
dreams_as_neon, as a completely random person on the net, can I ask you a question.
Did your delusions have a back story - did you believe your delusions because at the time they made sense and you could see why/how it was possible, or, was it just a thought that you *knew* was true?
I would put my experience but I want to know I havent influenced your response, if you choose to.
I believed my delusions because I thought I was "special." I thought I was part of an experiment given by the pdoc, psychologist and hospital staff. I'm totally deaf and blind, so I thought I was being put on display (i.e. being watched) for my excellent independent living skills. (Again, I know that sounds ridiculous.)
As a result, I thought the reason famous radio DJs were communicating with me and influencing my thoughts was because I could increase their ratings. If it were not for the fact that I was being "watched," they wouldn't have a story to tell. I remember hearing a running commentary where they would give a play by play as to the things I was doing in the hospital and how the staff was treating me. I also thought they were trying to help discharge me from the hospital. I remember one DJ telling me that he was trying to find a good laywer to get me released ASAP.
I know. It doesn't make any sense. LOL!
Did your delusions have a back story - did you believe your delusions because at the time they made sense and you could see why/how it was possible, or, was it just a thought that you *knew* was true?
I would put my experience but I want to know I havent influenced your response, if you choose to.
I believed my delusions because I thought I was "special." I thought I was part of an experiment given by the pdoc, psychologist and hospital staff. I'm totally deaf and blind, so I thought I was being put on display (i.e. being watched) for my excellent independent living skills. (Again, I know that sounds ridiculous.)
As a result, I thought the reason famous radio DJs were communicating with me and influencing my thoughts was because I could increase their ratings. If it were not for the fact that I was being "watched," they wouldn't have a story to tell. I remember hearing a running commentary where they would give a play by play as to the things I was doing in the hospital and how the staff was treating me. I also thought they were trying to help discharge me from the hospital. I remember one DJ telling me that he was trying to find a good laywer to get me released ASAP.
I know. It doesn't make any sense. LOL!
maxmillion
04-29-2009, 03:29 PM
Yeah, special, was a big thing for me in there. Same deal, being studied and watched. At the time to me, my case was unique, but everything I am reading here just shows me to a fine detail that it's a pretty standard thing. Especially with your last post. I was thinking different things but the pattern you described is pretty much what I followed.
Trust me, doesn't sound weird.
Trust me, doesn't sound weird.
dreams in neon
04-29-2009, 03:34 PM
Yeah, special, was a big thing for me in there. Same deal, being studied and watched. At the time to me, my case was unique, but everything I am reading here just shows me to a fine detail that it's a pretty standard thing. Especially with your last post. I was thinking different things but the pattern you described is pretty much what I followed.
Trust me, doesn't sound weird.
I'm glad to know someone else understands and has been through the same thing.
If you don't mind my asking, do you take any meds for your delusions?
I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder bipolar type in 2006. My diagnosis was changed twice since then from schizoaffective bipolar type to rapid cycling bipolar 1 to atypical bipolar 1 with ultradian rapid cycling.
I think my diagnosis of schizoaffective was correct at the time, but was changed 12 months later due to rapid cycling.
Trust me, doesn't sound weird.
I'm glad to know someone else understands and has been through the same thing.
If you don't mind my asking, do you take any meds for your delusions?
I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder bipolar type in 2006. My diagnosis was changed twice since then from schizoaffective bipolar type to rapid cycling bipolar 1 to atypical bipolar 1 with ultradian rapid cycling.
I think my diagnosis of schizoaffective was correct at the time, but was changed 12 months later due to rapid cycling.
maxmillion
04-29-2009, 04:07 PM
I'm on Zyprexa and a small amount of Epilim. Seems to work but as I said, I can still go on a little trip if I want to. I haven't seen my Psych in 8 or so months, not my decision, his assessment was to make the next appoinment at that length of time. So he cant be too concerned.
I pulled myself together enough in last few years to get a Certificate in Mental Health Support (non-clinical) and I now work with people who have our conditions. The people I work with are still quite ill, I would have struggled to get a concise answer to my last question to you and I'm not clinically trained so I am still picking up on the job about conditions with anything I do in my own time.
I pulled myself together enough in last few years to get a Certificate in Mental Health Support (non-clinical) and I now work with people who have our conditions. The people I work with are still quite ill, I would have struggled to get a concise answer to my last question to you and I'm not clinically trained so I am still picking up on the job about conditions with anything I do in my own time.
dreams in neon
04-29-2009, 04:20 PM
That's ironic because I'm currently working towards a Bachelor's degree in social work. (I only have 2 more courses to complete before I graduate.)
From there, I plan to earn a Master's in psychology and an MD in psychiatry.
At some point, I'd like to open my own practice and work with sighted-hearing clients who have schizophrenia, bipolar, PTSD and depression as well as Deaf and deafblind clients who use American Sign Language and tactile sign for communication given the severe shortage of mental health professionals who sign.
From there, I plan to earn a Master's in psychology and an MD in psychiatry.
At some point, I'd like to open my own practice and work with sighted-hearing clients who have schizophrenia, bipolar, PTSD and depression as well as Deaf and deafblind clients who use American Sign Language and tactile sign for communication given the severe shortage of mental health professionals who sign.
maxmillion
04-29-2009, 04:38 PM
Sounds good, and best of luck. I hit university age when IT was the rage, so I got my degree in applied science (computing). Would like to be a psychologist but I'm not going back to study.
dreams in neon
04-29-2009, 04:53 PM
Thanks! I have to admit that I'm getting tired of school, but I try to keep focusing on the end goal of opening up my own practice. It has always been a dream of mine to persue a Ph.D. thanks to a 10th grade Biology teacher who said that I could do anything I wanted and the only limitations I had were those I placed on myself. Even if I didn't intend to earn an MD, I would have continued on with a Ph.D. By the way, I'm doing it because I want to learn more, challenge myself and do something I've wanted to do ever since I was diagnosed with bipolar 3 years ago.