dreams in neon
05-10-2009, 03:43 AM
Hi everyone,
I'm starting to rapid cycle again because even after I took a Klonopin to calm down I'm still extremely agitated. My right speech processor for my cochlear implant keeps sounding a battery warning beep every 10 minutes even after I've put in fresh batteries. I'm worried because if something happens to my left cochlear implant, I will be without any hearing. I have spare speech processors, but they aren't programmed the same way the processors I'm using now are. If I try to wear my spare speech processors, they are very loud and painful. (I needed to have several electrodes turned off and my spare processors haven't been programmed accordingly.) I'm so angry and frustrated right now. Why can't I make it through one week without having to deal with my health issues or something else that makes me rapid cycle? It doesn't help that tomorrow is Mother's Day. My mother passed away in 2004 from pancreatic cancer, so I'm depressed about that as well. *sigh*
I'm starting to rapid cycle again because even after I took a Klonopin to calm down I'm still extremely agitated. My right speech processor for my cochlear implant keeps sounding a battery warning beep every 10 minutes even after I've put in fresh batteries. I'm worried because if something happens to my left cochlear implant, I will be without any hearing. I have spare speech processors, but they aren't programmed the same way the processors I'm using now are. If I try to wear my spare speech processors, they are very loud and painful. (I needed to have several electrodes turned off and my spare processors haven't been programmed accordingly.) I'm so angry and frustrated right now. Why can't I make it through one week without having to deal with my health issues or something else that makes me rapid cycle? It doesn't help that tomorrow is Mother's Day. My mother passed away in 2004 from pancreatic cancer, so I'm depressed about that as well. *sigh*
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katlin09
05-10-2009, 03:55 AM
I'm pretty much in the same boat suckiness wise. I don't know what happen, I was fine up until Wed. morning and I've hardly been able to get out of bed sense. No general onset of Depression, just WHAM like a baseball bat upside the head. Along with that I've had a migrain since Tuesday night that won't let up and my joints in my hips and knees have made it almost inable to walk. I've had to call my ex to take my son to all pract. and games this week, i've missed both games. I didn't have the heart to tell him no to a friend spending the night, luckily it was one of his very well behaved friends and they were very good.
It's 10 of 3:00a.m. and I'm wide awake when i've also taken my 2 klomopin and 3 Trazadone, not to mention my pain meds. It's still stormy here and that's not helping with all the pain, I wish it would just freaking dry out.
As for mother's Day, unfortunately my mother is still alive, but since I'm not allowed to have contact with her for the past year and a half, at least I won't have to send the phoney "what a great mom you are/were" instead of the "I wish I could tie you down and beat you now the way you did me" card...that would almost be worth breaking the rules for.
Oh well nothing changes, you get to feel good for a bit and then bang you get your feet knocked out from under you. I'm sick of it too, but don't have a clue how to make it stop.
k
It's 10 of 3:00a.m. and I'm wide awake when i've also taken my 2 klomopin and 3 Trazadone, not to mention my pain meds. It's still stormy here and that's not helping with all the pain, I wish it would just freaking dry out.
As for mother's Day, unfortunately my mother is still alive, but since I'm not allowed to have contact with her for the past year and a half, at least I won't have to send the phoney "what a great mom you are/were" instead of the "I wish I could tie you down and beat you now the way you did me" card...that would almost be worth breaking the rules for.
Oh well nothing changes, you get to feel good for a bit and then bang you get your feet knocked out from under you. I'm sick of it too, but don't have a clue how to make it stop.
k
dreams in neon
05-10-2009, 04:21 AM
Hopefully my mood will improve after I talk to my pdoc on Monday.
I'm sorry for being such a downer. That isn't my intention. I'm just scared because if something happens to my left cochlear implant, I won't be able to hear. I'm just overwhelmed because of tomorrow (actually, today) being Mother's Day.
I hope my post doesn't bring anyone down and that those of you who will be sharing the day with your mother have a wonderful time. Tell your mother how much she is loved and don't forget to give her a hug as well.
I'm sorry for being such a downer. That isn't my intention. I'm just scared because if something happens to my left cochlear implant, I won't be able to hear. I'm just overwhelmed because of tomorrow (actually, today) being Mother's Day.
I hope my post doesn't bring anyone down and that those of you who will be sharing the day with your mother have a wonderful time. Tell your mother how much she is loved and don't forget to give her a hug as well.
Elf_Ears
05-10-2009, 09:40 AM
I'm sorry you are both struggling right now. :( I hope you are not offended if I say that I will pray for you today. This has been my only help many times. And frankly, I think God really has given me something to hold onto. Just a spark of hope. Once, after weeks of panic attacks and insomnia, I cried out to Him. I needed to know that He existed. So I went outside (after midnight) and said outloud, "If you're there, please show me a sign!" Immediately, A bird at the top of a pine tree began to sing its heart out, and I knew that not only did God exist, but He cared about me.
Hugs to both of you - (((Dreams))) (((Kat)))
Hugs to both of you - (((Dreams))) (((Kat)))
dreams in neon
05-10-2009, 01:49 PM
I'm sorry you are both struggling right now. :( I hope you are not offended if I say that I will pray for you today. This has been my only help many times. And frankly, I think God really has given me something to hold onto. Just a spark of hope. Once, after weeks of panic attacks and insomnia, I cried out to Him. I needed to know that He existed. So I went outside (after midnight) and said outloud, "If you're there, please show me a sign!" Immediately, A bird at the top of a pine tree began to sing its heart out, and I knew that not only did God exist, but He cared about me.
Hugs to both of you - (((Dreams))) (((Kat)))
Thanks for your encouraging post. It's exactly what I needed to read today. I believe in God, but I have a difficult time on holidays. On good days, I look at my bipolar as a challenge from Him and on bad days, I have a very hard time accepting my diagnosis. I'm happy to report that I don't feel as depressed as I did earlier, but I'm trying to take things one minute at a time. I will post again later to let you know how I'm doing. Thanks again. <hugs back> (((Elf)))
Hugs to both of you - (((Dreams))) (((Kat)))
Thanks for your encouraging post. It's exactly what I needed to read today. I believe in God, but I have a difficult time on holidays. On good days, I look at my bipolar as a challenge from Him and on bad days, I have a very hard time accepting my diagnosis. I'm happy to report that I don't feel as depressed as I did earlier, but I'm trying to take things one minute at a time. I will post again later to let you know how I'm doing. Thanks again. <hugs back> (((Elf)))
katlin09
05-10-2009, 08:52 PM
Dreams,
I've had a very very bad day today. Everything jsut caved in this morning and I couldn't take it anymore.
why can't I control the depression and the pain and everything? I just want to curl up in a bill and not get bach up, I'm so tired of it all, every single day of my life. The depression came on so quick this time and just gets worse each day. I can't seem to get control of anything, now I'll have to deal with my tdoc being ticked at me, just one more thing to add to the list. I'm sorry to bug you with this but I needed someone to get this out to and you're usually around.
kat
I've had a very very bad day today. Everything jsut caved in this morning and I couldn't take it anymore.
why can't I control the depression and the pain and everything? I just want to curl up in a bill and not get bach up, I'm so tired of it all, every single day of my life. The depression came on so quick this time and just gets worse each day. I can't seem to get control of anything, now I'll have to deal with my tdoc being ticked at me, just one more thing to add to the list. I'm sorry to bug you with this but I needed someone to get this out to and you're usually around.
kat
light the world
05-10-2009, 09:55 PM
Sorry you've been going through this Kat. I've ended up in urgent care once before back in January. I hope that your depression goes away as fast as it came on for you. If not faster.
Llama
05-10-2009, 10:28 PM
(((dreams)))) (((kat)))
I'm so sorry to hear that you guys are having such a rough time. I really care about you guys and I hope you are feeling better, at least a little better by now.
I'm so sorry to hear that you guys are having such a rough time. I really care about you guys and I hope you are feeling better, at least a little better by now.
seaturtle
05-10-2009, 10:33 PM
Neondreams,
Ouch, I hear you loud and clear about fearing the loss of your hearing, about your mom, and about your frustration at always having some health problem or another crop up.
Dealing with bp is hard enough. Dealing with the other things you cope with every day has to be full-time job, and sometimes and overwhelming and discouraging.
I deal with some physical problems, too, but nothing nearly as difficult and chronic as yours. I hand it to you for coping as you do, taking each one and working on it. It takes a huge amount of strength and a strong will to live to do that. You have my admiration, and as I've said before, you are a great inspiration to me. Knowing someone like you, I cannot possibly give up. You reach out, but you do not complain.
I know the mourning of a mother well. A mother is something special we never can replace. Just before my parents died, I came to a place of peace about them. I'd had abuse, lots. I decided I would end the cycle of hatred and abuse. I decided to forgive them and to love them as much as I could. I.e., I turned the other cheek and was kind to them. I finally understood that people have reasons for turning out the way they do, parents included.
I am sending you heartfelt wishes that your problem is solved and that you allow yourself to feel your grief and be able to share it with someone. We have to feel it. We'd be poor human beings if we didn't.
(((neondreams)))
Seaturtle
Ouch, I hear you loud and clear about fearing the loss of your hearing, about your mom, and about your frustration at always having some health problem or another crop up.
Dealing with bp is hard enough. Dealing with the other things you cope with every day has to be full-time job, and sometimes and overwhelming and discouraging.
I deal with some physical problems, too, but nothing nearly as difficult and chronic as yours. I hand it to you for coping as you do, taking each one and working on it. It takes a huge amount of strength and a strong will to live to do that. You have my admiration, and as I've said before, you are a great inspiration to me. Knowing someone like you, I cannot possibly give up. You reach out, but you do not complain.
I know the mourning of a mother well. A mother is something special we never can replace. Just before my parents died, I came to a place of peace about them. I'd had abuse, lots. I decided I would end the cycle of hatred and abuse. I decided to forgive them and to love them as much as I could. I.e., I turned the other cheek and was kind to them. I finally understood that people have reasons for turning out the way they do, parents included.
I am sending you heartfelt wishes that your problem is solved and that you allow yourself to feel your grief and be able to share it with someone. We have to feel it. We'd be poor human beings if we didn't.
(((neondreams)))
Seaturtle
dreams in neon
05-11-2009, 01:07 AM
Neondreams,
Ouch, I hear you loud and clear about fearing the loss of your hearing, about your mom, and about your frustration at always having some health problem or another crop up.
Dealing with bp is hard enough. Dealing with the other things you cope with every day has to be full-time job, and sometimes and overwhelming and discouraging.
I deal with some physical problems, too, but nothing nearly as difficult and chronic as yours. I hand it to you for coping as you do, taking each one and working on it. It takes a huge amount of strength and a strong will to live to do that. You have my admiration, and as I've said before, you are a great inspiration to me. Knowing someone like you, I cannot possibly give up. You reach out, but you do not complain.
I know the mourning of a mother well. A mother is something special we never can replace. Just before my parents died, I came to a place of peace about them. I'd had abuse, lots. I decided I would end the cycle of hatred and abuse. I decided to forgive them and to love them as much as I could. I.e., I turned the other cheek and was kind to them. I finally understood that people have reasons for turning out the way they do, parents included.
I am sending you heartfelt wishes that your problem is solved and that you allow yourself to feel your grief and be able to share it with someone. We have to feel it. We'd be poor human beings if we didn't.
(((neondreams)))
Seaturtle
Thank you Seaturtle.
Today was difficult for me, but I'm feeling better now that it's over. I'm also looking forward to talking with my pdoc and tdoc tomorrow to let them know how I'm doing. I'm excited to tell my pdoc that the increase in my Klonopin worked on reducing my mania and allowed me to sleep in addition to the Trazodone I take.
What you've said about our parents and forgiveness is so true. I had alot of anger towards my father for what he did, but I've changed my perspective. Even if he did abuse me, he put a roof over our heads, food on the table and prevented my mother and I from being homeless since she was a foster parent and didn't work past her 20s because she wanted to take care of children.
I'm also trying to remind myself that my parents were born in the 20s which means that life has not been easy for them either. They've seen alot in their 70+ years and I hope that both of them are enjoying happiness and renewed youth in Heaven.
Aside from that, what good does it do to continue being angry at my parents for something I can't change? The best thing I can do is move on. I'm newly diagnosed with PTSD and struggle with flashbacks and nightmares because of it, but I'm slowly moving on with my life. I was able to write my parents a letter which made me feel so much better. My tdoc plans to look at the letter I wrote my mother and discuss it with me at this week's appointment. I find that writing is very therapeutic and helps keep a distance between me and the pain.
Now that I've written my letters, I'm going to let my tdoc know that I'd like to try discussing my feelings during our sessions. I think I'm ready to do that and if it proves to be too much, I can always go back to writing. I feel safe and know everything will be okay since my tdoc assured me that I don't have to do any PTSD exercises that I'm not ready to do. He mentioned an "empty chair" exercise (in which I "talk" to my abuser through the chair or my tdoc). I told him I'm not prepared for doing that yet. He said this was fine and if I didn't feel comfortable doing this at all, that was fine too.
Thanks so much for your kind post Seaturtule. You're a real friend and have always been there for me and so many others on the board.
I know you have many struggles of your own, but you never let them defeat you and always have cheerful, encouraging words to share with others. I'm thankful to know you and am glad to call you my friend. :angel:
(((Seaturtle)))
Ouch, I hear you loud and clear about fearing the loss of your hearing, about your mom, and about your frustration at always having some health problem or another crop up.
Dealing with bp is hard enough. Dealing with the other things you cope with every day has to be full-time job, and sometimes and overwhelming and discouraging.
I deal with some physical problems, too, but nothing nearly as difficult and chronic as yours. I hand it to you for coping as you do, taking each one and working on it. It takes a huge amount of strength and a strong will to live to do that. You have my admiration, and as I've said before, you are a great inspiration to me. Knowing someone like you, I cannot possibly give up. You reach out, but you do not complain.
I know the mourning of a mother well. A mother is something special we never can replace. Just before my parents died, I came to a place of peace about them. I'd had abuse, lots. I decided I would end the cycle of hatred and abuse. I decided to forgive them and to love them as much as I could. I.e., I turned the other cheek and was kind to them. I finally understood that people have reasons for turning out the way they do, parents included.
I am sending you heartfelt wishes that your problem is solved and that you allow yourself to feel your grief and be able to share it with someone. We have to feel it. We'd be poor human beings if we didn't.
(((neondreams)))
Seaturtle
Thank you Seaturtle.
Today was difficult for me, but I'm feeling better now that it's over. I'm also looking forward to talking with my pdoc and tdoc tomorrow to let them know how I'm doing. I'm excited to tell my pdoc that the increase in my Klonopin worked on reducing my mania and allowed me to sleep in addition to the Trazodone I take.
What you've said about our parents and forgiveness is so true. I had alot of anger towards my father for what he did, but I've changed my perspective. Even if he did abuse me, he put a roof over our heads, food on the table and prevented my mother and I from being homeless since she was a foster parent and didn't work past her 20s because she wanted to take care of children.
I'm also trying to remind myself that my parents were born in the 20s which means that life has not been easy for them either. They've seen alot in their 70+ years and I hope that both of them are enjoying happiness and renewed youth in Heaven.
Aside from that, what good does it do to continue being angry at my parents for something I can't change? The best thing I can do is move on. I'm newly diagnosed with PTSD and struggle with flashbacks and nightmares because of it, but I'm slowly moving on with my life. I was able to write my parents a letter which made me feel so much better. My tdoc plans to look at the letter I wrote my mother and discuss it with me at this week's appointment. I find that writing is very therapeutic and helps keep a distance between me and the pain.
Now that I've written my letters, I'm going to let my tdoc know that I'd like to try discussing my feelings during our sessions. I think I'm ready to do that and if it proves to be too much, I can always go back to writing. I feel safe and know everything will be okay since my tdoc assured me that I don't have to do any PTSD exercises that I'm not ready to do. He mentioned an "empty chair" exercise (in which I "talk" to my abuser through the chair or my tdoc). I told him I'm not prepared for doing that yet. He said this was fine and if I didn't feel comfortable doing this at all, that was fine too.
Thanks so much for your kind post Seaturtule. You're a real friend and have always been there for me and so many others on the board.
I know you have many struggles of your own, but you never let them defeat you and always have cheerful, encouraging words to share with others. I'm thankful to know you and am glad to call you my friend. :angel:
(((Seaturtle)))
dreams in neon
05-11-2009, 01:15 AM
(((dreams)))) (((kat)))
I'm so sorry to hear that you guys are having such a rough time. I really care about you guys and I hope you are feeling better, at least a little better by now.
Thank you Llama. (((Llama)))
I'm doing much better now that the day is over. I wished I would have called a crisis line to talk with someone, but I tried to distract myself on the computer as well as watching documentaries on TV. I slept for 90% of the day as well, but once I woke up, I felt better than I have all day. As I said to Seaturtle, I'm looking forward to talking with my pdoc and tdoc tomorrow. I can't wait to let my pdoc know how well the increase in Klonopin is working and how happy I am that I now have a way to keep my mania under control the next time I have an episode. I hope you had a nice day Llama and that this post finds you well. :angel:
I'm so sorry to hear that you guys are having such a rough time. I really care about you guys and I hope you are feeling better, at least a little better by now.
Thank you Llama. (((Llama)))
I'm doing much better now that the day is over. I wished I would have called a crisis line to talk with someone, but I tried to distract myself on the computer as well as watching documentaries on TV. I slept for 90% of the day as well, but once I woke up, I felt better than I have all day. As I said to Seaturtle, I'm looking forward to talking with my pdoc and tdoc tomorrow. I can't wait to let my pdoc know how well the increase in Klonopin is working and how happy I am that I now have a way to keep my mania under control the next time I have an episode. I hope you had a nice day Llama and that this post finds you well. :angel:
BipolarPrincess
05-11-2009, 01:29 AM
:angel:Hi everyone,
I'm starting to rapid cycle again because even after I took a Klonopin to calm down I'm still extremely agitated. My right speech processor for my cochlear implant keeps sounding a battery warning beep every 10 minutes even after I've put in fresh batteries. I'm worried because if something happens to my left cochlear implant, I will be without any hearing. I have spare speech processors, but they aren't programmed the same way the processors I'm using now are. If I try to wear my spare speech processors, they are very loud and painful. (I needed to have several electrodes turned off and my spare processors haven't been programmed accordingly.) I'm so angry and frustrated right now. Why can't I make it through one week without having to deal with my health issues or something else that makes me rapid cycle? It doesn't help that tomorrow is Mother's Day. My mother passed away in 2004 from pancreatic cancer, so I'm depressed about that as well. *sigh*
Ahh (((dreams))) I know how you feel..if it's not one thing it's something else. I am blessed to have no health problems (just high cholesterol) but you really are an inspiration for me. You are SUCH a strong person, and always there for us with great feedback. I care about you very much and hope you start feeling better. I'm downloading that movie "A Beautiful Mind" that you mentioned in one of your other posts. And sorry about mothers day, I know thats rough. I have a mother who loves me a lot but doesn't understand what I'm going through and has a tendency to say the wrong things. My father had a real short temper when I was growing up, I blocked a lot out, but some things I remember, but then they put it back on me like I am "crazy" and "over dramatic".. I hold a lot of resentment because of it. I unfortunately don't care about my family very much. I love them, but I don't want to be around them really at all. This would hurt them so much if they read this, and I feel awful saying it. I don't know what my problem is. But anyways, feel better - take it one day at a time. (That's the advice everyone tells me)
I'm starting to rapid cycle again because even after I took a Klonopin to calm down I'm still extremely agitated. My right speech processor for my cochlear implant keeps sounding a battery warning beep every 10 minutes even after I've put in fresh batteries. I'm worried because if something happens to my left cochlear implant, I will be without any hearing. I have spare speech processors, but they aren't programmed the same way the processors I'm using now are. If I try to wear my spare speech processors, they are very loud and painful. (I needed to have several electrodes turned off and my spare processors haven't been programmed accordingly.) I'm so angry and frustrated right now. Why can't I make it through one week without having to deal with my health issues or something else that makes me rapid cycle? It doesn't help that tomorrow is Mother's Day. My mother passed away in 2004 from pancreatic cancer, so I'm depressed about that as well. *sigh*
Ahh (((dreams))) I know how you feel..if it's not one thing it's something else. I am blessed to have no health problems (just high cholesterol) but you really are an inspiration for me. You are SUCH a strong person, and always there for us with great feedback. I care about you very much and hope you start feeling better. I'm downloading that movie "A Beautiful Mind" that you mentioned in one of your other posts. And sorry about mothers day, I know thats rough. I have a mother who loves me a lot but doesn't understand what I'm going through and has a tendency to say the wrong things. My father had a real short temper when I was growing up, I blocked a lot out, but some things I remember, but then they put it back on me like I am "crazy" and "over dramatic".. I hold a lot of resentment because of it. I unfortunately don't care about my family very much. I love them, but I don't want to be around them really at all. This would hurt them so much if they read this, and I feel awful saying it. I don't know what my problem is. But anyways, feel better - take it one day at a time. (That's the advice everyone tells me)
dreams in neon
05-11-2009, 01:38 AM
:angel:
Ahh (((dreams))) I know how you feel..if it's not one thing it's something else. I am blessed to have no health problems (just high cholesterol) but you really are an inspiration for me. You are SUCH a strong person, and always there for us with great feedback. I care about you very much and hope you start feeling better. I'm downloading that movie "A Beautiful Mind" that you mentioned in one of your other posts. And sorry about mothers day, I know thats rough. I have a mother who loves me a lot but doesn't understand what I'm going through and has a tendency to say the wrong things. My father had a real short temper when I was growing up, I blocked a lot out, but some things I remember, but then they put it back on me like I am "crazy" and "over dramatic".. I hold a lot of resentment because of it. I unfortunately don't care about my family very much. I love them, but I don't want to be around them really at all. This would hurt them so much if they read this, and I feel awful saying it. I don't know what my problem is. But anyways, feel better - take it one day at a time. (That's the advice everyone tells me)
Thanks. (((BipolarPrincess)))
I'm sorry your parents don't understand where you're coming from. My parents never really gave me any problems when they were still here. They knew I suffered from severe depression and were always very supportive even though they treated me the way they did.
I hope you enjoy the movie "A Beautiful Mind." I thought it was a wonderful movie and even though I don't have schizophrenia, I can relate to Nash's struggle with hearing voices. I also think there is a parallel between what he experienced and what we experience because of having bipolar.
Thanks again for your kind post. I'm feeling much better now and am looking forward to tomorrow since each new day provides a clean slate. :angel:
Ahh (((dreams))) I know how you feel..if it's not one thing it's something else. I am blessed to have no health problems (just high cholesterol) but you really are an inspiration for me. You are SUCH a strong person, and always there for us with great feedback. I care about you very much and hope you start feeling better. I'm downloading that movie "A Beautiful Mind" that you mentioned in one of your other posts. And sorry about mothers day, I know thats rough. I have a mother who loves me a lot but doesn't understand what I'm going through and has a tendency to say the wrong things. My father had a real short temper when I was growing up, I blocked a lot out, but some things I remember, but then they put it back on me like I am "crazy" and "over dramatic".. I hold a lot of resentment because of it. I unfortunately don't care about my family very much. I love them, but I don't want to be around them really at all. This would hurt them so much if they read this, and I feel awful saying it. I don't know what my problem is. But anyways, feel better - take it one day at a time. (That's the advice everyone tells me)
Thanks. (((BipolarPrincess)))
I'm sorry your parents don't understand where you're coming from. My parents never really gave me any problems when they were still here. They knew I suffered from severe depression and were always very supportive even though they treated me the way they did.
I hope you enjoy the movie "A Beautiful Mind." I thought it was a wonderful movie and even though I don't have schizophrenia, I can relate to Nash's struggle with hearing voices. I also think there is a parallel between what he experienced and what we experience because of having bipolar.
Thanks again for your kind post. I'm feeling much better now and am looking forward to tomorrow since each new day provides a clean slate. :angel:
dreams in neon
05-11-2009, 01:49 AM
Things are continuing to look up. I just checked my calendar for the week and noticed that my next tdoc appointment is on Tuesday. Instead of calling my tdoc tomorrow, I'll wait. I'm sure I'll be fine tomorrow especially since I need to call my pdoc back and have several errands to run which will help keep me busy.
Llama
05-11-2009, 01:52 AM
That's great dreams. Keeping busy always seems to help me too.
dreams in neon
05-11-2009, 01:54 AM
That's great dreams. Keeping busy always seems to help me too.
Exactly. My tdoc said that I need structure during the day in order to remain stable. If I don't, I start to feel depressed and constantly think about my moods.
Exactly. My tdoc said that I need structure during the day in order to remain stable. If I don't, I start to feel depressed and constantly think about my moods.
BipolarPrincess
05-11-2009, 01:58 AM
Exactly. My tdoc said that I need structure during the day in order to remain stable. If I don't, I start to feel depressed and constantly think about my moods.
Ahh yes that's what I'm in right now. A BAD RUT. I have nothing to do, no friends, no where to go. Scared to go places. Maybe I'll go get my nails done tomorrow. I don't even care anymore about myself or things like I used to. I sit around and dwell about my problems. Not healthy. Can't wait to start therapy that will give me structure. And focusing on my boyfriend and visiting him. I have to fight so hard though to go out and face my fears of social phobia and everything.
Ahh yes that's what I'm in right now. A BAD RUT. I have nothing to do, no friends, no where to go. Scared to go places. Maybe I'll go get my nails done tomorrow. I don't even care anymore about myself or things like I used to. I sit around and dwell about my problems. Not healthy. Can't wait to start therapy that will give me structure. And focusing on my boyfriend and visiting him. I have to fight so hard though to go out and face my fears of social phobia and everything.
windimeria2000
05-11-2009, 02:13 AM
Structure is the same thing as schedule. Trying going to bed at a certain time and waking with a routine. Give yourself 1 small goal a day and keep track of it such as exercise. Beginners Yoga is good place to start. The breathing they do is good and you can really relax.
dreams in neon
05-11-2009, 02:14 AM
Ahh yes that's what I'm in right now. A BAD RUT. I have nothing to do, no friends, no where to go. Scared to go places. Maybe I'll go get my nails done tomorrow. I don't even care anymore about myself or things like I used to. I sit around and dwell about my problems. Not healthy. Can't wait to start therapy that will give me structure. And focusing on my boyfriend and visiting him. I have to fight so hard though to go out and face my fears of social phobia and everything.
Once you begin therapy, I think that should help you a great deal. One thing my tdoc suggested I do is to try certain activities for a few minutes at a time and slowly increase the amount of time I do them. For example, write for 5 minutes, then 10, then 20, etc. until I'm able to work up to a longer period of time. Even if you occupy yourself by doing things like always starting off your day by watching TV, listening to the radio or music in the afternoon and surfing the Internet in the evening (or any combination thereof) it will help provide some structure to your day.
Once you begin therapy, I think that should help you a great deal. One thing my tdoc suggested I do is to try certain activities for a few minutes at a time and slowly increase the amount of time I do them. For example, write for 5 minutes, then 10, then 20, etc. until I'm able to work up to a longer period of time. Even if you occupy yourself by doing things like always starting off your day by watching TV, listening to the radio or music in the afternoon and surfing the Internet in the evening (or any combination thereof) it will help provide some structure to your day.
windimeria2000
05-11-2009, 02:23 AM
I know what you mean some when you talk about family and all that. Sleeping 90% of the day isn't good but sometimes it is all we can do. I feel ya and know all about that. I wish you well and hope you continue to share your problems with us cause this healthboard has really helped me stay focused on what is really important in life and that is staying healthy and satisfied with ourselves.
dreams in neon
05-11-2009, 03:34 AM
I know what you mean some when you talk about family and all that. Sleeping 90% of the day isn't good but sometimes it is all we can do. I feel ya and know all about that. I wish you well and hope you continue to share your problems with us cause this healthboard has really helped me stay focused on what is really important in life and that is staying healthy and satisfied with ourselves.
This board is a wonderful source of information and support.
As far as sleeping 90% of the day, it's all I can do to prevent myself from feeling severely depressed or harming myself. For a few minutes I considered going IP (I felt that bad and was starting to hear voices again), but changed my mind because I knew I'd probably start to feel better by tomorrow.
This board is a wonderful source of information and support.
As far as sleeping 90% of the day, it's all I can do to prevent myself from feeling severely depressed or harming myself. For a few minutes I considered going IP (I felt that bad and was starting to hear voices again), but changed my mind because I knew I'd probably start to feel better by tomorrow.
katlin09
05-11-2009, 10:59 AM
Ben,
Thank you for your concern, it's nice to know someone cares when I'm having a rough time.
kat
Thank you for your concern, it's nice to know someone cares when I'm having a rough time.
kat
dreams in neon
05-11-2009, 12:43 PM
Hi everyone,
I'm pleased to report that I'm doing much better today!
I called and left a message with my pdoc to let him know how well the increase in Klonopin worked and mentioned the fact that my mixed episode has passed.
I'm also happy because I have a tdoc appointment tomorrow that I'm looking forward to.
As you know, I was severely depressed yesterday due to Mother's Day, but was able to cry for the first time since 1995 after I lost my hearing. I grieved for my mother -- really grieved -- which is a good sign because it means that my meds are working.
Ever since my pdoc put me on a new regimen, I'm starting to feel emotions which is something I haven't done in a very, very long time.
Thank you for being there for me yesterday. All of your posts made me feel so much better and for that, I am very appreciative. <group hug>
I'm pleased to report that I'm doing much better today!
I called and left a message with my pdoc to let him know how well the increase in Klonopin worked and mentioned the fact that my mixed episode has passed.
I'm also happy because I have a tdoc appointment tomorrow that I'm looking forward to.
As you know, I was severely depressed yesterday due to Mother's Day, but was able to cry for the first time since 1995 after I lost my hearing. I grieved for my mother -- really grieved -- which is a good sign because it means that my meds are working.
Ever since my pdoc put me on a new regimen, I'm starting to feel emotions which is something I haven't done in a very, very long time.
Thank you for being there for me yesterday. All of your posts made me feel so much better and for that, I am very appreciative. <group hug>
dreams in neon
05-11-2009, 01:04 PM
My pdoc just called me back and said he'd like to see me next week to evaluate how things are going. He also said it sounds like I've been going through a rough time, but I explained that this was due to the health problems I've been having over the past 2 weeks. I left a message on the receptionist's voice mail and expect to hear back from her sometime today to schedule an appointment.
Llama
05-11-2009, 06:32 PM
Dreams I'm so glad to hear you are doing much better! YAY! :)
Let us know how your visit with your pdoc goes.
Let us know how your visit with your pdoc goes.
dreams in neon
05-11-2009, 07:18 PM
Dreams I'm so glad to hear you are doing much better! YAY! :)
Let us know how your visit with your pdoc goes.
Thanks Llama!
I heard from the receptionist. My appointment is scheduled for the 19th. I'll keep you posted as to what happens that day.
Let us know how your visit with your pdoc goes.
Thanks Llama!
I heard from the receptionist. My appointment is scheduled for the 19th. I'll keep you posted as to what happens that day.