If you are not a registered member of our community, please click here to register...

 Home Message Boards Health Guide Join for Free Testimonials About Us
Search
   
  


PDA

View Full Version : I'm so numb.


 

 

 
BipolarPrincess
05-13-2009, 12:50 AM
My depression is so so so bad. I don't even bother to cry anymore, it's not worth it. I isolate, stay in my room with my kitten, and read, and play games online. I feel that there's no medicine that can help me. I feel 'dead' inside. I hate being around my family seeing them happily go about their days productively, as I suffer in silence. I can barely carry on a conversation with them. Why was I put on earth to suffer? My boyfriend wrote this to me in his last letter...

"you're very special in many ways"
1. you make people feel loved
2. you bring the best out of everyone
3. you're very smart
4. your very touch is like an angel
5. you make me crazy in love with you
6. your smile is gold
7. your eyes are heaven

His letters are so encouraging. He loves me and accepts me and says that I WILL GET BETTER.

I have to, for HIM. FOR ME. Is there any hope? I am losing all faith. :(

Sponsor
 



dreams in neon
05-13-2009, 01:12 AM
My depression is so so so bad. I don't even bother to cry anymore, it's not worth it. I isolate, stay in my room with my kitten, and read, and play games online. I feel that there's no medicine that can help me. I feel 'dead' inside. I hate being around my family seeing them happily go about their days productively, as I suffer in silence. I can barely carry on a conversation with them. Why was I put on earth to suffer? My boyfriend wrote this to me in his last letter...

"you're very special in many ways"
1. you make people feel loved
2. you bring the best out of everyone
3. you're very smart
4. your very touch is like an angel
5. you make me crazy in love with you
6. your smile is gold
7. your eyes are heaven

His letters are so encouraging. He loves me and accepts me and says that I WILL GET BETTER.

I have to, for HIM. FOR ME. Is there any hope? I am losing all faith. :(

I can tell you with certainty that there IS hope. I suffered from severe depression in the early 90s (as well as 1995 after I lost my hearing). My pdoc at the time put me on Lithium and Prozac. Prozac didn't improve my depression, so she switched me to Paxil and it worked like a charm. I no longer felt as if I didn't have a purpose. Thanks to this med, I began to feel better and knew everything would be okay. I started to believe that I was someone who was loved by many and had plenty of talents/abilities.

Keep the letter your boyfriend wrote. Read it every time you feel depressed. I don't know you like your boyfriend does, but based on what I've read here on the board, I agree with him 100% as far as numbers 1-3 are concerned.

Hugs!

BipolarPrincess
05-13-2009, 03:52 AM
aw (((dreams))) thank you so much. :) Thanks for being here for me. It's just I've been on every anti-depressant in the book with no results. But I was never on a mood stabilizer with it. So Lamictal is going to be my next move. And get back on the Klonopins since they have a longer shelf-life and improve with irritability and stabilize moods. I see me regular doctor on Thursday, she prescribes my meds right now until I go into therapy.

dreams in neon
05-13-2009, 04:26 AM
BipolarPrincess,

I can't remember. Did you call a clinic to schedule an appointment with a psychiatrist or a therapist only? If you haven't called to schedule an appointment with a psychiatrist, I would recommend that you do since they are familiar with psychotropic meds as well as treatments for bipolar and Borderline.

If you struggle more with depression than mania, Lamictal may be a good choice for you. The same thing is true of Klonopin. Many pdocs use Klonopin as a mood stabilizer given how well it helps control mood swings. I know it certainly does for me when it comes to my rapid cycling.

Let us know how your appointment with your GP goes. Good luck!

Jemi200
05-13-2009, 08:45 PM
Sometimes very strong bipolar medicine itself (Lithium, Heldall) destroys depression when taken right. Ask your psych.

I wouldn't be saying this if it didn't work for me. I know we have different chemistry, but I also know that's a general rule in psychiatry.

windimeria2000
05-13-2009, 10:34 PM
There is always hope. I am feeling kind of down myself tonight. I feel like getting in the bed and having a good cry but I am not going to because I am stubborn and I will be more stubborn than my bipolar.

dreams in neon
05-13-2009, 10:49 PM
There is always hope. I am feeling kind of down myself tonight. I feel like getting in the bed and having a good cry but I am not going to because I am stubborn and I will be more stubborn than my bipolar.

Good for you, wind. As I like to say, "I may have bipolar, but bipolar doesn't have me."

Of course, that isn't always easy for me to remember on days when I'm struggling, but I try to keep it in mind as often as I can.

dreams in neon
05-13-2009, 10:56 PM
Sometimes very strong bipolar medicine itself (Lithium, Heldall) destroys depression when taken right. Ask your psych.

I wouldn't be saying this if it didn't work for me. I know we have different chemistry, but I also know that's a general rule in psychiatry.

Haldol is a typical (older) antipsychotic that is used to treat hallucinations, delusions and paranoia. It does not treat depression (unless it is prescribed for psychotic depression in which case it would be given in conjunction with other meds).

Jemi is correct that some mood stabilizers are stronger and more fast-acting than others. Lithium and Depakote are 2 examples, but having said that, what works for one person may not work for another.

BipolarPrincess
05-14-2009, 12:13 AM
Haldol is a typical (older) antipsychotic that is used to treat hallucinations, delusions and paranoia. It does not treat depression (unless it is prescribed for psychotic depression in which case it would be given in conjunction with other meds).

Jemi is correct that some mood stabilizers are stronger and more fast-acting than others. Lithium and Depakote are 2 examples, but having said that, what works for one person may not work for another.

Haldol is some heavy duty stuff. They had me on it, I was completely high. haha. I'm going to ask for Lamictal first since you said it has good antidepressant qualities dreams.

On another note...BLAAAAAAAAHHHHH... I'm having the worst anxiety for no reason, other than I have to get up tomorrow and do things. I've never had this bad of anxiety in my life. If I have it this bad, how will I EVER function normally????????:( I feel like crying.

Jemi200
05-14-2009, 12:14 AM
Haldol is a typical (older) antipsychotic that is used to treat hallucinations, delusions and paranoia. It does not treat depression (unless it is prescribed for psychotic depression in which case it would be given in conjunction with other meds).

Jemi is correct that some mood stabilizers are stronger and more fast-acting than others. Lithium and Depakote are 2 examples, but having said that, what works for one person may not work for another.

I'm so sorry about mentioning Haldol (the right spelling), you could've taken one believing it would help. I took it when i went to the hospital and it helped my depression, I was psychotic. In a self-harm way. I admitted myself.

But yeah, tell us what you do after your next psychiatrist appointment please.

BipolarPrincess
05-14-2009, 12:34 AM
I'm so sorry about mentioning Haldol (the right spelling), you could've taken one believing it would help. I took it when i went to the hospital and it helped my depression, I was psychotic. In a self-harm way. I admitted myself.

But yeah, tell us what you do after your next psychiatrist appointment please.


Ah no it's okay. I wouldn't of taken it. I'm allergic to it anyways. Tomorrow I'm going to see my PCP and ask her to make changes since I dont know when I'll see a pdoc. (sometime next week hopefully) I need to get the ball rolling somewhere, and I have a pretty good idea of what I want done thanks to (((dreams))) and her wonderful wisdom and knowledge about medication. I also looked it up, so it seems promising.

dreams in neon
05-14-2009, 12:53 AM
I'm so sorry about mentioning Haldol (the right spelling), you could've taken one believing it would help. I took it when i went to the hospital and it helped my depression, I was psychotic.

The reason Haldol helped you was because you were in a psychotic state. If you had only been depressed (i.e. not hearing voices), it would have done nothing for your depression. Antipsychotics aren't designed to treat depression. They treat mania, hallucinations, delusions and paranoia.

Jemi200
05-14-2009, 12:58 AM
Ah no it's okay. I wouldn't of taken it. I'm allergic to it anyways. Tomorrow I'm going to see my PCP and ask her to make changes since I dont know when I'll see a pdoc. (sometime next week hopefully) I need to get the ball rolling somewhere, and I have a pretty good idea of what I want done thanks to (((dreams))) and her wonderful wisdom and knowledge about medication. I also looked it up, so it seems promising.

Good that you looked it up to see what you want.

At my clinic there's a program called Face2Face where you stay from 9am-3pm where they monitor you ask you questions talk to you personally take you to the psychiatrist quicker than making an appointment and even feed you.

IDK if you have a clinic yet but maybe there's one like that near you. And as you'd guess it does have a price but my insurance fortunately covers it.

Jemi200
05-14-2009, 01:00 AM
The reason Haldol helped you was because you were in a psychotic state. If you had only been depressed (i.e. not hearing voices), it would have done nothing for your depression. Antipsychotics aren't designed to treat depression. They treat mania, hallucinations, delusions and paranoia.

You just told me what I said in my post about how it took the psychotic depression away.

Why do you keep on trying to correct me even when I'm right? I'm new to the boards but it's not like I don't have experience with mental illnesses.

BipolarPrincess
05-14-2009, 01:07 AM
You just told me what I said in my post about how it took the psychotic depression away.

Why do you keep on trying to correct me even when I'm right? I'm new to the boards but it's not like I don't have experience with mental illnesses.


She's just correcting you because you mentioned to me about taking Haldol when it wouldn't work in my case. So therefore, you weren't right because I didn't mention anything about having a psychotic depression/episode. Don't take it personally, but dreams knows what she's talking about:D

BipolarPrincess
05-14-2009, 01:09 AM
Good that you looked it up to see what you want.

At my clinic there's a program called Face2Face where you stay from 9am-3pm where they monitor you ask you questions talk to you personally take you to the psychiatrist quicker than making an appointment and even feed you.

IDK if you have a clinic yet but maybe there's one like that near you. And as you'd guess it does have a price but my insurance fortunately covers it.

Yes, there's a clinic like that where I'll be attending probably starting next week. It's also from 9-3. With smoke breaks (thank god) and then 1 hour lunch break, but they don't feed you lol. And my insurance covers me, I have Gateway Health Plan.:D

Jemi200
05-14-2009, 01:09 AM
She's just correcting you because you mentioned to me about taking Haldol when it wouldn't work in my case. So therefore, you weren't right because I didn't mention anything about having a psychotic depression/episode. Don't take it personally, but dreams knows what she's talking about:D

I already knew it wouldn't work for you after the first time she told me. There was no reason for her to tell me again, when I was recounting what I myself took it for.

No logic is never flawed.:angel:

Jemi200
05-14-2009, 01:11 AM
Good luck with that program. Maybe they give you lunch time to go wherever you want to eat?

dreams in neon
05-14-2009, 01:12 AM
You just told me what I said in my post about how it took the psychotic depression away.

Why do you keep on trying to correct me even when I'm right? I'm new to the boards but it's not like I don't have experience with mental illnesses.

You said: "I'm so sorry about mentioning Haldol (the right spelling), you could've taken one believing it would help. I took it when i went to the hospital and it helped my depression, I was psychotic."

You didn't say that it treated your psychosis. You said it treated your depression. There is a difference which is why I corrected you.

No one is saying you don't have any experience with mental illness. I certainly didn't.

By the way, I have plenty of experience with mental illness myself. I started seeing pdocs and tdocs in 1991 and have been given 5 diagnoses since then.

I've also studied mental illness for 18 years as well as medical transcription for 2.5 years (and carried a 4.0 GPA). I don't mention this to brag; only to point out that I'm very familiar with all kinds of meds and do everything I can to share that information with others here on the board.

BipolarPrincess
05-14-2009, 01:14 AM
Good luck with that program. Maybe they give you lunch time to go wherever you want to eat?


Thanks. I'm VERY nervous to start. My anxiety is soo bad. Ugh. And yes they give u that lunch break to relax and go eat somewhere and be outside and not sitting in that darn room all day for therapy, lol.

Jemi200
05-14-2009, 01:15 AM
I took it when i went to the hospital and it helped my depression, I was psychotic

That meant I took that BECAUSE I was depressed AND psychotic. Just stop distorting my words, please. I'm done arguing. I have no problem with you whatsoever and I commend your studies.

dreams in neon
05-14-2009, 01:18 AM
I took it when i went to the hospital and it helped my depression, I was psychotic

That meant I took that BECAUSE I was depressed AND psychotic. Just stop distorting my words, please. I'm done arguing. I have no problem with you whatsoever and I commend your studies.

Again, Haldol treated your psychosis, not your depression. Haldol isn't an anti-depressant. It's an antipsychotic. They are two very different meds.

Having said that, I have nothing more to say to you on this subject.

Jemi200
05-14-2009, 01:21 AM
That's the good answer. Thanks

To you Princess, lol are you not gonna sleep at all? From my experience even with my manic times I still need at least 6-9 hours of sleep to feel fully awake. I can get away with 4 and feel awake hours after i do wake up, but it's not the same.

BipolarPrincess
05-14-2009, 01:25 AM
That's the good answer. Thanks

To you Princess, lol are you not gonna sleep at all? From my experience even with my manic times I still need at least 6-9 hours of sleep to feel fully awake. I can get away with 4 and feel awake hours after i do wake up, but it's not the same.

I will sleep, but napped today so I am not tired right now. I prefer to be up at night, and to be honest I'm so anxious about tomorrow I can't sleep.:mad:

dreams in neon
05-14-2009, 01:29 AM
That's the good answer. Thanks

I didn't know my response warranted judgment.

At any rate, you're welcome.

dreams in neon
05-14-2009, 01:30 AM
I will sleep, but napped today so I am not tired right now. I prefer to be up at night, and to be honest I'm so anxious about tomorrow I can't sleep.:mad:

Let us know what happens tomorrow. Good luck!

BipolarPrincess
05-14-2009, 01:31 AM
Let us know what happens tomorrow. Good luck!

Thanks - and I definitely will :angel:

dreams in neon
05-14-2009, 01:33 AM
Thanks - and I definitely will :angel:

This is completely up to you, but you may want to ask your doctor for clarification on your diagnosis of bipolar. Did you print out any information from the DSM regarding illicit drugs not warranting a diagnosis of bipolar? It might be a good idea to show him or her that as well.

BipolarPrincess
05-14-2009, 01:37 AM
This is completely up to you, but you may want to ask your doctor for clarification on your diagnosis of bipolar. Did you print out any information from the DSM regarding illicit drugs not warranting a diagnosis of bipolar? It might be a good idea to show him or her that as well.

No, I didn't because this isn't a psychiatrist. It's my PCP, and she doesn't really know all that. I will though when I start my therapy and see a pdoc.

Jemi200
05-14-2009, 01:40 AM
AGH I know how you feel Princess. Didn't you say your bf helps you out in another topic? Can you call him?

dreams in neon
05-14-2009, 01:45 AM
No, I didn't because this isn't a psychiatrist. It's my PCP, and she doesn't really know all that. I will though when I start my therapy and see a pdoc.

Thanks for the clarification. :)

katlin09
05-14-2009, 06:33 PM
That's the good answer. Thanks

To you Princess, lol are you not gonna sleep at all? From my experience even with my manic times I still need at least 6-9 hours of sleep to feel fully awake. I can get away with 4 and feel awake hours after i do wake up, but it's not the same.


The best thing to do is just give up. There are quite a few of us on here with lots of knowledge, I was diagnosed BP 20 yrs. ago and have spent tons of time with pdocs and tdocs and studying information and been on tons of drugs, but there is no way that any one of us can know everything about every drug. My husband was also treated with Haldol for severe depression after a brain injury in 1990 and he had no mental illness, nor phsychotic episodes at all. Lots of drugs can be used to treat cross diagnosises.

dreams in neon
05-14-2009, 06:42 PM
...there is no way that any one of us can know everything about every drug.

If anyone questions the information given here, it is best that they discuss it further with their pdoc and/or GP.

BipolarPrincess
05-14-2009, 10:44 PM
AGH I know how you feel Princess. Didn't you say your bf helps you out in another topic? Can you call him?


Yes, problem being he's in prison. So he can only call me once a day.

BipolarPrincess
05-14-2009, 10:49 PM
The best thing to do is just give up. There are quite a few of us on here with lots of knowledge, I was diagnosed BP 20 yrs. ago and have spent tons of time with pdocs and tdocs and studying information and been on tons of drugs, but there is no way that any one of us can know everything about every drug. My husband was also treated with Haldol for severe depression after a brain injury in 1990 and he had no mental illness, nor phsychotic episodes at all. Lots of drugs can be used to treat cross diagnosises.

The best thing to do is give up? Anyways, Haldol is not first choice amongst medications to treat severe depression, but if it worked for him that's good..

katlin09
05-14-2009, 11:35 PM
The best thing to do is give up? Anyways, Haldol is not first choice amongst medications to treat severe depression, but if it worked for him that's good..

I meant the best thing to do is give up and quit arguing about it, not that he should give up on treating his BP or depression, I think he understood that. I think everyone got the point that Haldol is not the first choice for depression but in some cases it has been used, and I just don't think that any one person can know everything about every drug...that was my point. My quote was too Jemi200.

Sorry if I confused you.

kat

dreams in neon
05-14-2009, 11:43 PM
Anyways, Haldol is not first choice amongst medications to treat severe depression...

Exactly. That was the idea I was trying to get across in my post.

BipolarPrincess
05-15-2009, 12:36 AM
I meant the best thing to do is give up and quit arguing about it, not that he should give up on treating his BP or depression, I think he understood that. I think everyone got the point that Haldol is not the first choice for depression but in some cases it has been used, and I just don't think that any one person can know everything about every drug...that was my point. My quote was too Jemi200.

Sorry if I confused you.

kat

Ohh okay, gotcha;)





Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.com (TM)
Copyright and Terms of Use © 1998-2009 HealthBoards.com (TM) All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!