crosstobear
05-18-2009, 01:27 PM
I'm pretty sure my husband has ADHD but he may never admit it. He is 51 years old and has never been diagnosed with ADHD but here's why I think so:
He is hypo-thyroid but does not take his medication regularly
He has trouble completeing things. He starts lots of things, things that take a lot of attention to detail, but he'll start another project before he finishes what he started.
He is impulsvie and impatient. He'll get in a big hurry to do something and makes artificial reasons why it must be done right now!
He lives on nicotine, caffine, beer and pot. He hardly ever eats.
He is irrational a lot of the time.
He angers easily.
He seems oblivious to my feelings. After we have a big fight where many nasty things get said (I admit to some of this) he wants to just pretend that the fight didn't happen and the "nasties" weren't spoken.
He is unemployed now after many years as a carpenter. We have no income (not unemployment, not disability, nothing - living off savings) and it doesn't
bother him one bit. He also is sabatoging (sp?) my efforts to earn money.
He recently hiked 9 miles on a very dangerous road because he couldn't wait 10 minutes for the bus.
He doesn't sleep very much.
He talks fast and constantly and doesn't seem to notice when those he is talking to are just not interested in what he's talking about. He also talks about inappropriate things a lot.
He interrupts everyone, all the time. When he does let others talk, he doesn't listen to what they are saying.
He never thinks he is /acts like / does any of the above
He believes that I am crazy. I AM depressed. I've been through bouts of depression before and I really could use some help right now but we just moved to Mexico and I'm not sure how to go about it. Hence message boards.
We just passed our 18th wedding anniversary but we on on the verge of divoce because of his behavior. He'll NEVER consent to see a doctor, even if we found one here in Mex.
What do you think? Is he ADHD or not? Any advice about how to cope if he won't get help?
My Cross To Bear
He is hypo-thyroid but does not take his medication regularly
He has trouble completeing things. He starts lots of things, things that take a lot of attention to detail, but he'll start another project before he finishes what he started.
He is impulsvie and impatient. He'll get in a big hurry to do something and makes artificial reasons why it must be done right now!
He lives on nicotine, caffine, beer and pot. He hardly ever eats.
He is irrational a lot of the time.
He angers easily.
He seems oblivious to my feelings. After we have a big fight where many nasty things get said (I admit to some of this) he wants to just pretend that the fight didn't happen and the "nasties" weren't spoken.
He is unemployed now after many years as a carpenter. We have no income (not unemployment, not disability, nothing - living off savings) and it doesn't
bother him one bit. He also is sabatoging (sp?) my efforts to earn money.
He recently hiked 9 miles on a very dangerous road because he couldn't wait 10 minutes for the bus.
He doesn't sleep very much.
He talks fast and constantly and doesn't seem to notice when those he is talking to are just not interested in what he's talking about. He also talks about inappropriate things a lot.
He interrupts everyone, all the time. When he does let others talk, he doesn't listen to what they are saying.
He never thinks he is /acts like / does any of the above
He believes that I am crazy. I AM depressed. I've been through bouts of depression before and I really could use some help right now but we just moved to Mexico and I'm not sure how to go about it. Hence message boards.
We just passed our 18th wedding anniversary but we on on the verge of divoce because of his behavior. He'll NEVER consent to see a doctor, even if we found one here in Mex.
What do you think? Is he ADHD or not? Any advice about how to cope if he won't get help?
My Cross To Bear
Sponsor
janewhite1
05-18-2009, 02:39 PM
Oh, boy.
Yes, I do hear a lot of ADHD behaviors in your description of him, particularly starting things and not finishing them, and talking about inappropriate or uninteresting things.
I also hear some typical poor coping mechanisms:
Use of nicotine and caffeine as self medication
Creating urgency--the real reason why the task has to be done Right Now is that if it isn't urgent, he might forget it.
I'm also hearing some other separate problems. The first (no offense, Bob) is that he might be a Real Man. Real Men do not seek medical attention unless they have gaping wounds or broken bones. They aren't supposed to develop invisible chronic illnesses such as hypothyroidism. They most especially do not see psychiatrists.
Real Men also support the family. Work is deeply tied into identity and self-respect for them, and the loss of a job can cut very deeply. However, Real Men often feel compelled to hide hurt or depression, bury it with alcohol, or show it only as anger.
If he wants his brain to work right, he really does need to take his thyroid medicine and eat properly, but the decision to do that has to be his.
He may not be willing to seek help, or it may take a suggestion from someone other than you. In the meanwhile, do what you can to protect your family financially take care of yourself.
Yes, I do hear a lot of ADHD behaviors in your description of him, particularly starting things and not finishing them, and talking about inappropriate or uninteresting things.
I also hear some typical poor coping mechanisms:
Use of nicotine and caffeine as self medication
Creating urgency--the real reason why the task has to be done Right Now is that if it isn't urgent, he might forget it.
I'm also hearing some other separate problems. The first (no offense, Bob) is that he might be a Real Man. Real Men do not seek medical attention unless they have gaping wounds or broken bones. They aren't supposed to develop invisible chronic illnesses such as hypothyroidism. They most especially do not see psychiatrists.
Real Men also support the family. Work is deeply tied into identity and self-respect for them, and the loss of a job can cut very deeply. However, Real Men often feel compelled to hide hurt or depression, bury it with alcohol, or show it only as anger.
If he wants his brain to work right, he really does need to take his thyroid medicine and eat properly, but the decision to do that has to be his.
He may not be willing to seek help, or it may take a suggestion from someone other than you. In the meanwhile, do what you can to protect your family financially take care of yourself.
addprogrammer
05-18-2009, 03:36 PM
Oh, boy.
Oh, boy indeed. Ditto everything Jane's post.
Add:
Nicotine, beer and pot badly worsen ADHD symptoms. Or can cause ADHD like symptoms even if no ADHD is present.
You may have to use "tough love." Get help or get out.
Bob
Oh, boy indeed. Ditto everything Jane's post.
Add:
Nicotine, beer and pot badly worsen ADHD symptoms. Or can cause ADHD like symptoms even if no ADHD is present.
You may have to use "tough love." Get help or get out.
Bob