CBB
05-18-2009, 11:37 PM
I know that many of you will be reading this and either laughing or shaking your head and muttering that I am crazy....but here goes.....my 13 month old twins have never slept in their cribs. They look at them and scream. They won't even play in them with toys and the lights on while I put away their clothes during the day. My DS sleeps with me in a bed every night and my DD sleeps with my husband in a bed every night. When they were born they had to wear heart monitors for 3 months and they were up all night with the alarms and such and the cords were a pain with the cribs so we stopped putting them in there and just did what we could to get some sleep. They wake up very easily and I have tried to put them in the crib while sleeping and they wake up immediately and get hysterical. I have no problem with them in my bed because I cherish every second with them and am grateful I was able to have them but DH has had enough. Does anybody out there let their baby sleep with them? Besides CIO which you can see I am not tough enough to handle is there something else I can try? Is it too early to switch them to the toddler beds? Any advice would be appreciated.
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WhiskersOnKittens
05-23-2009, 02:22 AM
I don't have too much advice for you, but I do want to let you know that I've known many moms who co-sleep with their babies well into toddler-hood. My personal opinion is that it's a great bonding experience, and it's probably helping your little ones to feel very safe, and secure--so you're great parents for doing so!
But I can see how after 13 months of doing this, your dh is anxious for some of his own space. Do you think it's the sleeping without you that they don't want, or is it just the cribs? If it's the cribs, maybe try play pens? I know those things aren't very comfortable, but you can get foam padding relatively cheap, so you could put down a couple layers of that with a sheet over top of it... They might be okay in some toddler beds that are lower to the ground (my 2yr old ds has one of those Little Tykes race car beds, and it's quite low) just in case they fall out. I guess it just depends on your own comfort level (they might be tempted to roam the room after bed time if they're not "caged"), and how they are when they sleep. Do they move around quite a bit? I know my ds at 13mo probably would've fallen out every night because he was ALWAYS squished up against a different corner of his crib when I would check on him in the night, at that age... But I'm sure not every kid moves around as much as he did. :jester:
Or maybe you can try giving them their naps in the crib and see how it goes? Just keep trying every day--maybe they'll learn that it's not a terrible place to be...
Whiskers
But I can see how after 13 months of doing this, your dh is anxious for some of his own space. Do you think it's the sleeping without you that they don't want, or is it just the cribs? If it's the cribs, maybe try play pens? I know those things aren't very comfortable, but you can get foam padding relatively cheap, so you could put down a couple layers of that with a sheet over top of it... They might be okay in some toddler beds that are lower to the ground (my 2yr old ds has one of those Little Tykes race car beds, and it's quite low) just in case they fall out. I guess it just depends on your own comfort level (they might be tempted to roam the room after bed time if they're not "caged"), and how they are when they sleep. Do they move around quite a bit? I know my ds at 13mo probably would've fallen out every night because he was ALWAYS squished up against a different corner of his crib when I would check on him in the night, at that age... But I'm sure not every kid moves around as much as he did. :jester:
Or maybe you can try giving them their naps in the crib and see how it goes? Just keep trying every day--maybe they'll learn that it's not a terrible place to be...
Whiskers
marisuela
05-23-2009, 03:54 AM
Yeah.... that's a tough one..... Okay, it's not really. I'm sorry, I really do understand the desire to be with your babies, and cuddling them at night is always special, but your husband is right. If you don't make the time for him and you, then your relationship with him suffers, and what kind of home will you be building for your precious little ones if mommy and daddy don't get along? You've got to have that down time to relax and unwind with your husband, and the only way to really achieve that, is to put your babies to bed in their own beds.
If you look at CIO with the right perspective, you can do it. By letting them CIO, you aren't a bad mommy ignoring your babies' needs, you a great mommy, ignoring your toddlers' tantrums. Your twins are screaming because they know you'll do whatever they want you to do when they scream.
My middle child became horribly spoiled rotten because at around 9 months, my Dad got cancer, and we always went to visit and stay with my parents and I couldn't let my middle daughter ever cry because it made my Dad nervous..... so yeah.... horribly spoiled!!! So she slept with me from the time my Dad was diagnosed, until he died 10 months later. The only way to break her of the habit was to eventually let her CIO. We tried the other methods of staying by her bed, holding her hand, etc.... CIO was the only one that actually worked and worked fast!
Anyway, that would be my suggestion. Your relationship with your husband is too important and it needs to be kept strong. And I'm really big on Mommy getting some down time at night after the kids go to bed..... you'll just feel so much better if you can have an hour or two to yourself each night! Plus, you and hubby will sleep so much better too! And mommy and daddy sleeping better, leads to mommy and daddy feeling better, and being happier, and functioning better, and being a better mommy and daddy for your kids! :)
If you look at CIO with the right perspective, you can do it. By letting them CIO, you aren't a bad mommy ignoring your babies' needs, you a great mommy, ignoring your toddlers' tantrums. Your twins are screaming because they know you'll do whatever they want you to do when they scream.
My middle child became horribly spoiled rotten because at around 9 months, my Dad got cancer, and we always went to visit and stay with my parents and I couldn't let my middle daughter ever cry because it made my Dad nervous..... so yeah.... horribly spoiled!!! So she slept with me from the time my Dad was diagnosed, until he died 10 months later. The only way to break her of the habit was to eventually let her CIO. We tried the other methods of staying by her bed, holding her hand, etc.... CIO was the only one that actually worked and worked fast!
Anyway, that would be my suggestion. Your relationship with your husband is too important and it needs to be kept strong. And I'm really big on Mommy getting some down time at night after the kids go to bed..... you'll just feel so much better if you can have an hour or two to yourself each night! Plus, you and hubby will sleep so much better too! And mommy and daddy sleeping better, leads to mommy and daddy feeling better, and being happier, and functioning better, and being a better mommy and daddy for your kids! :)
Amy 333
06-01-2009, 05:34 AM
Nice to hear from you......
I admire who manages to follow the CIO method and probably it s the best way to make things work...BUT......i can t hear my kids cry for more than a few mins.
My son was the same (until 12 months)he would not stay in his crib...and scream until i get him out.......i have to admit i did not mind having him in our bed...neither did DH...but when i was well into my 2nd preg i knew we needed to find a solution.....so Dh fitted a single bed touching to our double bed....he placed a safety bar at the other end.....and it worked...after some time....we replaced the bed with the crib....next step is to have him in his own room though will do so when my youngest is 6 months that way they ll move into their room together. Did not want DS to think that i am moving him out as #2 arrived.
Hope all s well.
AMy
I admire who manages to follow the CIO method and probably it s the best way to make things work...BUT......i can t hear my kids cry for more than a few mins.
My son was the same (until 12 months)he would not stay in his crib...and scream until i get him out.......i have to admit i did not mind having him in our bed...neither did DH...but when i was well into my 2nd preg i knew we needed to find a solution.....so Dh fitted a single bed touching to our double bed....he placed a safety bar at the other end.....and it worked...after some time....we replaced the bed with the crib....next step is to have him in his own room though will do so when my youngest is 6 months that way they ll move into their room together. Did not want DS to think that i am moving him out as #2 arrived.
Hope all s well.
AMy
CBB
06-24-2009, 09:34 PM
OK so I am totally sick to my stomach right now......after a long tiring day I was doing my usual routine with my son which is rock him to sleep after a bottle. He was frustrating me, kicking and biting and climbing all over. After an hour I was so annoyed and irritated that I finally snapped and against my deepest gut feeling for the first time put him in his crib. he was hysterical. I tried to convince myself that so many other mothers do CIO and it is ok. i went out of the room for about 1 minute and felt so awful that i went back to get him and in that 1 minute he had thrown up all over the crib. i feel so sick. i can't believe i did this. i always knew CIO was wrong for my kids but i never dreamed it would be this bad. Do other people's kids just cry and go to sleep? has anyone else had this happen? am i just a pathetic wimp? Thank you for reading.
amelu
06-28-2009, 10:54 PM
CBB I can't CIO with my twins either, one of mine throws up too. The other just sounds too pitiful to even listen to crying. plus the few times I have tried CIO they don't sleep well at all. I always feel that neither get the attention they want because there are two of them so I just keep working with them. They were sleeping in our bed a lot up until a couple weeks ago, but since I am pregnant again I asked my PED for suggestions.
here are some tips she gave me, they are finally sleeping 90% in their cribs but not back to STTN yet.
1. what ever soothing method you use try to get them to be soothed only by your voice. Here's what we used to do: put girls to sleep in crib by rocking, when first twin woke up bring them in bed, when 2nd twin woke up bring her in bed--then toss and turn all night because we have no room :) Now I still rock them mostly to sleep, then when they wake up I would rock them a little (sing like 3 songs) then lay them back down, the next night I would sing only 2 songs, then by the 5th night I would only sing and pat their back in the crib, now I just sing one song and they go back down, i don't touch them. One of mine will fuss a little and go back to sleep in the middle of the night and I just listen and sooth her if needed.
2. my ped also said once you want to stick with really keeping them in their cribs don't take them out of the room at night. So if one of mine is really fussing pretty bad and I have tried everything else then I grab a pillow and lay on the floor in their room with them so they start to understand this is where they sleep. YOu might even try moving the cribs to your room for the transition or just waiting until they start napping in their cribs first. Take things one step at a time.
Its a long process but it has worked much better for me than CIO, but my PED did say they are smart enough now that they will notice a pattern in how you handle nights (both my girls nap well and go down awake but nights are a mess) and she said babies this age are way more adaptable than we give them credit for. Hang in there I hope you figure something out that works for you.
here are some tips she gave me, they are finally sleeping 90% in their cribs but not back to STTN yet.
1. what ever soothing method you use try to get them to be soothed only by your voice. Here's what we used to do: put girls to sleep in crib by rocking, when first twin woke up bring them in bed, when 2nd twin woke up bring her in bed--then toss and turn all night because we have no room :) Now I still rock them mostly to sleep, then when they wake up I would rock them a little (sing like 3 songs) then lay them back down, the next night I would sing only 2 songs, then by the 5th night I would only sing and pat their back in the crib, now I just sing one song and they go back down, i don't touch them. One of mine will fuss a little and go back to sleep in the middle of the night and I just listen and sooth her if needed.
2. my ped also said once you want to stick with really keeping them in their cribs don't take them out of the room at night. So if one of mine is really fussing pretty bad and I have tried everything else then I grab a pillow and lay on the floor in their room with them so they start to understand this is where they sleep. YOu might even try moving the cribs to your room for the transition or just waiting until they start napping in their cribs first. Take things one step at a time.
Its a long process but it has worked much better for me than CIO, but my PED did say they are smart enough now that they will notice a pattern in how you handle nights (both my girls nap well and go down awake but nights are a mess) and she said babies this age are way more adaptable than we give them credit for. Hang in there I hope you figure something out that works for you.