Pens'nChalk
06-11-2009, 08:25 PM
Sorry for that long post. I appreciate all of your response, and will try to be patient with the meds.
Sponsor
MSJayhawk
06-11-2009, 09:37 PM
Parkinson's, if not diagnosed yet, would likely be determined or excluded prior to MS.
To the anxiety, might I recommend a dog? Studies have found that a dog can do more for anxiety/depression than medicine can. The results of a dog are more noticeable within a week than 5 weeks of medicine building up inside you.
If the dog helps, you can train them to be a service dog for your MS (or?) as well as for your anxiety. I know my service dog can bring tears to my eyes. He knows my worst days and is genuinely concerned. Walking difficulties in the store- he pulls his weight and mine. And your feed bills/vet bills are tax deductible as a medical expense and I feel they do more than medicine can. I call my service dog my 4 legged angel.
In the meanwhile, you are in my prayers always. :angel:
To the anxiety, might I recommend a dog? Studies have found that a dog can do more for anxiety/depression than medicine can. The results of a dog are more noticeable within a week than 5 weeks of medicine building up inside you.
If the dog helps, you can train them to be a service dog for your MS (or?) as well as for your anxiety. I know my service dog can bring tears to my eyes. He knows my worst days and is genuinely concerned. Walking difficulties in the store- he pulls his weight and mine. And your feed bills/vet bills are tax deductible as a medical expense and I feel they do more than medicine can. I call my service dog my 4 legged angel.
In the meanwhile, you are in my prayers always. :angel:
Pens'nChalk
06-11-2009, 09:52 PM
Thanks for the response, JayHawk. We've had our last dog - we walked him nightly, always on a chest harness and lead, as he was a strong dog, but another, larger breed broke free of his leather leash and attacked ours, and we lost him.
I'm not afraid of dogs, but I am surely afraid to ever walk a dog on a leash again.
I do know someone who raises and trains service dogs, and admire what she does. But I can never own the responsibility of another dog's life. Please understand.
I'm not afraid of dogs, but I am surely afraid to ever walk a dog on a leash again.
I do know someone who raises and trains service dogs, and admire what she does. But I can never own the responsibility of another dog's life. Please understand.
MSJayhawk
06-11-2009, 11:52 PM
Not to worry, I certainly understand. My dog, Tiny, is a 225+ lb English Mastiff. When we walk, he wears a walking harness. When he is "undressed", he is at home being the "big dog" of the house. Service dogs can be pint size or giant. I certainly understand your grief. That is a stress I hope I shall never endure.
MSNik
06-12-2009, 12:18 AM
Hi ya Teacher. Im soooo very sorry to hear the state you are in. Its been awhile since we've heard from you and Id hoped that no news was good news. I see now, that you have had one heck of a hard time lately. Again, Im sorry.
I can only offer you my own experiences, which while not exactly the same, might help you to see a light at the end of this tunnel. I think you were around when I was posting alot about my marriage, my job and my education. Doing my MBA while juggling 3 kids, a husband who was sending me over the edge and all the problems that come with ex wives- all the while trying to get used to having been told I have MS (which doesnt exist in my life, since you cant see it according to my family) learning how to inject Rebif...you get the picture.
I turned to a psych as well. And, I turned to Xanax. And at one point Cymbalta...all anti anxiety and anti depression drugs...all of which I justified because they were also supposed to help the pain in my hands/fingers. I was also taking Ambien nightly....so basically I was a mess. Not one to take any drugs, I find myself taking drugs to stay alseep...drugs to be calm and not freak out during the day, anti depressents, which are supposed to help my pain and arent- but do have me scared to death of addiction. The same kind of battle...and like you, I turned to my PCP for these things, when my Psychiatrist told me the answer to my problems was to leave my husband. (he might have had something there, but to this day, I still value my marriage and am still fighting to make it better) MY Neuro also knows my PCP and likes him, so that makes things alittle easier....they have a trust factor in each other. BUT the bottom line is that right now, you have to trust someone. And, if your PCP is the one and you feel he knows you and understands you, then TRUST HIM. Make sure you are only taking the dosage he wants you to take...talk to him in a month about if it should be decreased or increased....read up on the drugs so you know where you stand with normal dosaging...be informed. I know you can do that.
The crisis's you have had to deal with have all been out of your control- the issues in the world from the war to the economy, to the price of apples to the salaries of young teachers....its all VERY REAL and yet, there is very little you can do to change it. Being informed, understanding and being able to have a serious discussion about any of this shows that your mind is clear and sharp and that you feel the pain of those suffering due to these things shows compassion and sensitivity. Pens, you have more of these things then most "healthy" people I know! Being of above intelligence to begin with , your having a hard time "not doing anytyhing about this"...but you need to take that energy and do something positive with it. Perhaps organizing a fund raiser for our overseas soldiers, or gathering up care packages- do you have a church family? Or know someone who does, who might want to get involved? How about any organization which you have passion for? How about reading story time to young kids at the local library ?Anytime I give back to society, it reminds me that Im still useful and have something to offer. Heck, when I find someone to walk around my complex with, I call it a party. IF no one is out walking, then I make up excuses to stay in, too. I always find someone to walk and talk with..and almost always its about trivial stuff which just happens to matter to someone. And sometimes listening to others really helps you take your mind off of your own issues. My newest job is with Hospice...someday we will open that up to discussion..but there is nothing harder then being in this field (and ive covered all medical aspects of administration and marketing) to make you grateful for what you have. You have to always know there are people in worse shape then you and not worry about what MIGHT happen. Live in the now. Be in the now. Its important to understand that.
Couple of things you wrote, which Id like to touch on is your fear of dependency of the drugs you are currently on. You cant fear them and you cant get addicited to them, if you use them and aware of how they make you feel- what they do for you. When you start realizing that you dont need them every day, you start taking them every other day, or cut down the mgs you are taking (always with the blessing of the prescribing doctor of course).
When you start to do things which are out of your normal comfort range- new people, new clubs, new organizations, new cooking class, book club, sewing circle, heck new exercise routine- youll start to feel better faster. Its amazing what exercise and outside interests can do for your body! As a teacher, Im quite sure you have TONS to give back to the community...can you teach seniors? I have a zillion senior centers which would love to learn a new skill or refresh an old one. How about Girlscouts?? They always need guest speakers to talk about things...community colleges look for both parttime paid and volunteers to show prospective students around and get them into the admission office- or even take a class at the community college just for fun. IM thinking of taking advanced Spanish next fall- just because my spanish skills are weak and I could use the help with my job of being more bilingual. I also volunteer a few weeks each semester at the community colleg being an adult student advocate. Do you know how many women walk thru those doors wanting to go back to school, having been out of school for 30+ years and not having a clue where to start? IM not a counselor. But I am someone who went back and got my associates, then my bachelors and then my MBA in 6 years- all at night or online- while working fulltime. So many women want this and are afraid to do it. When they see US, the ones who accomlished it, they know they can do it too....I do quite a few tours of people in my age group (the over 40 age group) and successfully get people into both degreed, and non degreed courses! Then, if Im feeling really confident, I tell them my story, of how I did all this the same year I found out I had MS....that blows their minds!
Do not be afraid of the drugs. Only be aware of them. If they help- let them help. Whats the worst thing that could happen? They stop helping? They make you feel better? Like anything, nothing lasts forever....at some point, theyll want to try you on another drug...or at some point, your "issue" will be stronger and you will attempt to handle it med free. These drugs are not for diseases, but for symptoms...and symtoms do come and go, right? This isnt forever. For the record. I stopped taking m Xanax 99% of the time, only taking one when I am so stressed out Im afraid ill say or be inappropriate. And I take maybe 1 or 2 Ambiens a week, when my mind is spinnning and sleep isnt possilbe. I never take the antidepressents because for me that wasnt realy the issue. I wasnt depressed, or even scared...but I was anxious..and I think that anxiety starts to slow down, and dwindle down, when you stop thinking about it 24-7..which brings me back to full circle. What do you do for you to stop your mind from worying and thinking about all this? Are you a nice walk in the woods girl ?? A jog on the beach chic?? A great mystery in bed with lots of pillows and a bowl of popcorn? How about a naked weekend with your husband? :D Mu point is, you have to allow yourself to really have fun for a few days. And, you dont have to leave the house to do it. Invite other couples or girlfriends over for dinner- or a movie night...chic flicks anyone? GEt a group together to go try a new restuarant. Heck- go by yourself and tell them your a food critiic. Maybe youll have the best dinner of your life! Want the hardest core lesson? Go to a acute Nursing Center and volunteer for 3 hours. Go see some of the most truamuatic brain injury cases, the hghest acuity cases you can find-people with end stage CHF or end stage liver cancer- speak with their loved ones, the care givers, even the nurses. Youll find out how lucky we are! If that is too much for you, go the other direction, ask to volunteer a few hours with children. Healthy children, kids who will represent our future...teach them a song- practice their reading- talk about world events, kiddie style- help them make a fathers day present for dad, or a summer project for mom's fall blooms...anything you can do to take your mind off the "what ifs" will work.
seriously, MS comes and goes..and if you arent having any debilitating symtoms such as weakness, shortness of breath, if you are still eating normally, an your blood levels are fine (you are having them checked, arent you?) if you havent developed any new lesions- then the MS drug is working for you. Then, trying some psych drugs isnt the end of the world, and pleeease yes, give them 60 days to see how they work for you. Remember, you dont want to stop any of those drugs cold turkey, so always talk to your doc or at least relay messages to his nurse so that they know how you are feeling. Its okay to say I dont like the way this drug is making me feel....just like its okay to say This drug isnt working. Taking more of it might be the answer....changing the first one might make all the difference...communication here is abaoslutely key.
Your last line, I am not who I want to be and not who I used to be- hits me very strongly. I feel that way all the time. I was a model. Really. I did national campaigns for both national and international products. I was on billboards. I made my living in 6 inch heels and teeny tiny outfits....now, I cant walk in those shoes, balance issues galore...and those tiny suits show my big red circles from my injections. Im also ten years older and a helll of allot smarter. So somewhere in there I had to take what I had- besides a good body and pretty face, and apply to it to what I wanted to do which was market and sell. I started 11 years ago in marketing in a pharmaceutical company and from there it exploded.
I never would have guessed Id be one of those people who is ultra dependent on the system staying intact so that I have something to retire on....or that Id be considered for clinical trials.
I advocate for the handicapped and disabled- I go out of my way to be the very best hospice advocate that I can be- because life is a journey...and we dont get to decide where that journey takes us. YOU and I have MS. SOOO???? We are going to take our shots, and any other drugs which help simplify our lives and ease our pains and frustrations until we find another way to handle them. You will wake up tomorrow morning and you will teach someone something- and your day will be complete. We are not sufferng the way many in this world are suffering, and although its quite alright to have a mini pity party and cry out your fears and scream about how unjustified this world is- that can even be healthy to do- you cant get caught up in the "why me" syndrome. It is what it is, an its more then likely going to stay the same for a very long time. The good news is all the fasttracked drugs they are bringing out, which should have some serious answer by 2010....we can only hope and pray that one or more of them will be the answers we seek.
Pens, Ive always admired you for your strength and wisdom. So right now you dont like yourself...but Ill bet you still like parts of yourself.Time to identify what parts you do like, and can capitalize on...and the parts you dont like, consider them black holes and shove them thru!
Its very possible that you are just so mentally exhausted from all you have had to deal with and think about these past few months that your brain needs a vacation! Take the drugs-either they help, or they dont work- but you hvae nothing to lose by tryng. Give them 60 days, and have communication with your PCP and Neuro about how they are making you feel....the two docs should work together to some extent to grant you blessings on your cocktail! Youlll know how you feel- and you are capable of expressing this.....trust yourself honey. Now , more then ever, remember you are not alone and you can trust yourself.
Im starting to really ramble, sorry about that. Ill shut up now, but not before I say yet again tonight "you are not alone" and we care very much....please let us know how you are.
hugs
Nikki
I can only offer you my own experiences, which while not exactly the same, might help you to see a light at the end of this tunnel. I think you were around when I was posting alot about my marriage, my job and my education. Doing my MBA while juggling 3 kids, a husband who was sending me over the edge and all the problems that come with ex wives- all the while trying to get used to having been told I have MS (which doesnt exist in my life, since you cant see it according to my family) learning how to inject Rebif...you get the picture.
I turned to a psych as well. And, I turned to Xanax. And at one point Cymbalta...all anti anxiety and anti depression drugs...all of which I justified because they were also supposed to help the pain in my hands/fingers. I was also taking Ambien nightly....so basically I was a mess. Not one to take any drugs, I find myself taking drugs to stay alseep...drugs to be calm and not freak out during the day, anti depressents, which are supposed to help my pain and arent- but do have me scared to death of addiction. The same kind of battle...and like you, I turned to my PCP for these things, when my Psychiatrist told me the answer to my problems was to leave my husband. (he might have had something there, but to this day, I still value my marriage and am still fighting to make it better) MY Neuro also knows my PCP and likes him, so that makes things alittle easier....they have a trust factor in each other. BUT the bottom line is that right now, you have to trust someone. And, if your PCP is the one and you feel he knows you and understands you, then TRUST HIM. Make sure you are only taking the dosage he wants you to take...talk to him in a month about if it should be decreased or increased....read up on the drugs so you know where you stand with normal dosaging...be informed. I know you can do that.
The crisis's you have had to deal with have all been out of your control- the issues in the world from the war to the economy, to the price of apples to the salaries of young teachers....its all VERY REAL and yet, there is very little you can do to change it. Being informed, understanding and being able to have a serious discussion about any of this shows that your mind is clear and sharp and that you feel the pain of those suffering due to these things shows compassion and sensitivity. Pens, you have more of these things then most "healthy" people I know! Being of above intelligence to begin with , your having a hard time "not doing anytyhing about this"...but you need to take that energy and do something positive with it. Perhaps organizing a fund raiser for our overseas soldiers, or gathering up care packages- do you have a church family? Or know someone who does, who might want to get involved? How about any organization which you have passion for? How about reading story time to young kids at the local library ?Anytime I give back to society, it reminds me that Im still useful and have something to offer. Heck, when I find someone to walk around my complex with, I call it a party. IF no one is out walking, then I make up excuses to stay in, too. I always find someone to walk and talk with..and almost always its about trivial stuff which just happens to matter to someone. And sometimes listening to others really helps you take your mind off of your own issues. My newest job is with Hospice...someday we will open that up to discussion..but there is nothing harder then being in this field (and ive covered all medical aspects of administration and marketing) to make you grateful for what you have. You have to always know there are people in worse shape then you and not worry about what MIGHT happen. Live in the now. Be in the now. Its important to understand that.
Couple of things you wrote, which Id like to touch on is your fear of dependency of the drugs you are currently on. You cant fear them and you cant get addicited to them, if you use them and aware of how they make you feel- what they do for you. When you start realizing that you dont need them every day, you start taking them every other day, or cut down the mgs you are taking (always with the blessing of the prescribing doctor of course).
When you start to do things which are out of your normal comfort range- new people, new clubs, new organizations, new cooking class, book club, sewing circle, heck new exercise routine- youll start to feel better faster. Its amazing what exercise and outside interests can do for your body! As a teacher, Im quite sure you have TONS to give back to the community...can you teach seniors? I have a zillion senior centers which would love to learn a new skill or refresh an old one. How about Girlscouts?? They always need guest speakers to talk about things...community colleges look for both parttime paid and volunteers to show prospective students around and get them into the admission office- or even take a class at the community college just for fun. IM thinking of taking advanced Spanish next fall- just because my spanish skills are weak and I could use the help with my job of being more bilingual. I also volunteer a few weeks each semester at the community colleg being an adult student advocate. Do you know how many women walk thru those doors wanting to go back to school, having been out of school for 30+ years and not having a clue where to start? IM not a counselor. But I am someone who went back and got my associates, then my bachelors and then my MBA in 6 years- all at night or online- while working fulltime. So many women want this and are afraid to do it. When they see US, the ones who accomlished it, they know they can do it too....I do quite a few tours of people in my age group (the over 40 age group) and successfully get people into both degreed, and non degreed courses! Then, if Im feeling really confident, I tell them my story, of how I did all this the same year I found out I had MS....that blows their minds!
Do not be afraid of the drugs. Only be aware of them. If they help- let them help. Whats the worst thing that could happen? They stop helping? They make you feel better? Like anything, nothing lasts forever....at some point, theyll want to try you on another drug...or at some point, your "issue" will be stronger and you will attempt to handle it med free. These drugs are not for diseases, but for symptoms...and symtoms do come and go, right? This isnt forever. For the record. I stopped taking m Xanax 99% of the time, only taking one when I am so stressed out Im afraid ill say or be inappropriate. And I take maybe 1 or 2 Ambiens a week, when my mind is spinnning and sleep isnt possilbe. I never take the antidepressents because for me that wasnt realy the issue. I wasnt depressed, or even scared...but I was anxious..and I think that anxiety starts to slow down, and dwindle down, when you stop thinking about it 24-7..which brings me back to full circle. What do you do for you to stop your mind from worying and thinking about all this? Are you a nice walk in the woods girl ?? A jog on the beach chic?? A great mystery in bed with lots of pillows and a bowl of popcorn? How about a naked weekend with your husband? :D Mu point is, you have to allow yourself to really have fun for a few days. And, you dont have to leave the house to do it. Invite other couples or girlfriends over for dinner- or a movie night...chic flicks anyone? GEt a group together to go try a new restuarant. Heck- go by yourself and tell them your a food critiic. Maybe youll have the best dinner of your life! Want the hardest core lesson? Go to a acute Nursing Center and volunteer for 3 hours. Go see some of the most truamuatic brain injury cases, the hghest acuity cases you can find-people with end stage CHF or end stage liver cancer- speak with their loved ones, the care givers, even the nurses. Youll find out how lucky we are! If that is too much for you, go the other direction, ask to volunteer a few hours with children. Healthy children, kids who will represent our future...teach them a song- practice their reading- talk about world events, kiddie style- help them make a fathers day present for dad, or a summer project for mom's fall blooms...anything you can do to take your mind off the "what ifs" will work.
seriously, MS comes and goes..and if you arent having any debilitating symtoms such as weakness, shortness of breath, if you are still eating normally, an your blood levels are fine (you are having them checked, arent you?) if you havent developed any new lesions- then the MS drug is working for you. Then, trying some psych drugs isnt the end of the world, and pleeease yes, give them 60 days to see how they work for you. Remember, you dont want to stop any of those drugs cold turkey, so always talk to your doc or at least relay messages to his nurse so that they know how you are feeling. Its okay to say I dont like the way this drug is making me feel....just like its okay to say This drug isnt working. Taking more of it might be the answer....changing the first one might make all the difference...communication here is abaoslutely key.
Your last line, I am not who I want to be and not who I used to be- hits me very strongly. I feel that way all the time. I was a model. Really. I did national campaigns for both national and international products. I was on billboards. I made my living in 6 inch heels and teeny tiny outfits....now, I cant walk in those shoes, balance issues galore...and those tiny suits show my big red circles from my injections. Im also ten years older and a helll of allot smarter. So somewhere in there I had to take what I had- besides a good body and pretty face, and apply to it to what I wanted to do which was market and sell. I started 11 years ago in marketing in a pharmaceutical company and from there it exploded.
I never would have guessed Id be one of those people who is ultra dependent on the system staying intact so that I have something to retire on....or that Id be considered for clinical trials.
I advocate for the handicapped and disabled- I go out of my way to be the very best hospice advocate that I can be- because life is a journey...and we dont get to decide where that journey takes us. YOU and I have MS. SOOO???? We are going to take our shots, and any other drugs which help simplify our lives and ease our pains and frustrations until we find another way to handle them. You will wake up tomorrow morning and you will teach someone something- and your day will be complete. We are not sufferng the way many in this world are suffering, and although its quite alright to have a mini pity party and cry out your fears and scream about how unjustified this world is- that can even be healthy to do- you cant get caught up in the "why me" syndrome. It is what it is, an its more then likely going to stay the same for a very long time. The good news is all the fasttracked drugs they are bringing out, which should have some serious answer by 2010....we can only hope and pray that one or more of them will be the answers we seek.
Pens, Ive always admired you for your strength and wisdom. So right now you dont like yourself...but Ill bet you still like parts of yourself.Time to identify what parts you do like, and can capitalize on...and the parts you dont like, consider them black holes and shove them thru!
Its very possible that you are just so mentally exhausted from all you have had to deal with and think about these past few months that your brain needs a vacation! Take the drugs-either they help, or they dont work- but you hvae nothing to lose by tryng. Give them 60 days, and have communication with your PCP and Neuro about how they are making you feel....the two docs should work together to some extent to grant you blessings on your cocktail! Youlll know how you feel- and you are capable of expressing this.....trust yourself honey. Now , more then ever, remember you are not alone and you can trust yourself.
Im starting to really ramble, sorry about that. Ill shut up now, but not before I say yet again tonight "you are not alone" and we care very much....please let us know how you are.
hugs
Nikki
anxiousme
06-12-2009, 01:36 AM
Nikki-
Again you have written a wonderful reply. I agree with everything you said. It is so easy to lose yourself in stress, anxiety and depression. Unfortunately, most of these events are out of out control. So, all of the ideas you mentioned are great ways to take your mind off the negatives and dedicate your mind and self to something positive. I just wanted to commend you on your post and continuing to add to the MS board. Pen's hang in there....give the meds time to work and then evaluate what they are doing for you. Journaling will help with that. I've been on Ambien for over 2 years (every night). I need to sleep. I gave up the fight and the stress and continue to use a drug that works. Yes, I'm psychologically addicited but I'm also sleeping at least 6 hours a night. It would be more if it wasn't for my little ones.
What you are feeling is VERY common. What you are seeking is stabilization in your life. Continue on the road you are on. Give all therapies a chance...evaluate..and either quit or continue. I wish you the best of luck and hopefully you will continue to post on the board. We could all learn from your post. We are all in similar situations.
Cheers!
Again you have written a wonderful reply. I agree with everything you said. It is so easy to lose yourself in stress, anxiety and depression. Unfortunately, most of these events are out of out control. So, all of the ideas you mentioned are great ways to take your mind off the negatives and dedicate your mind and self to something positive. I just wanted to commend you on your post and continuing to add to the MS board. Pen's hang in there....give the meds time to work and then evaluate what they are doing for you. Journaling will help with that. I've been on Ambien for over 2 years (every night). I need to sleep. I gave up the fight and the stress and continue to use a drug that works. Yes, I'm psychologically addicited but I'm also sleeping at least 6 hours a night. It would be more if it wasn't for my little ones.
What you are feeling is VERY common. What you are seeking is stabilization in your life. Continue on the road you are on. Give all therapies a chance...evaluate..and either quit or continue. I wish you the best of luck and hopefully you will continue to post on the board. We could all learn from your post. We are all in similar situations.
Cheers!
Lisa_P
06-12-2009, 11:59 AM
I got a Neuropsych evaluation at the time I was being diagnosed and the psychologist and I determined that the entire previous six months of driving problems (had four minor accidents in 3 months), work issues (eventually getting fired), and a general inability to be decisive were probably due to MS cognitive deficiencies evidenced by all the testing results... She DID remark that I had a high IQ and was a high functioning person, which would probably cause the most frustration and difficulty in the future. She taught me to be patient with myself and just slow down as much as possible--things would come. I guess it's learning to be slow-witted, but smart, and eventually accepting new limitations...
Sucks! But I have glimmers of my former self at times.
Sucks! But I have glimmers of my former self at times.
Pens'nChalk
06-13-2009, 06:00 PM
I wish you all well, and treasure the prayers you have offered.I feel less at home here on the board - I really don't, after reading so many of your posts, think that I have MS ...
I'm sad, and trying now to address that with meds. I'm anxious, and have no confidence in the DMD prescribed for MS.
The neurologist is sure of his diagnosis, and I'm afraid to question that, and so reluctant to stop taking the painful treatment. Hence, the sadness.
I don't have symptoms that recur as so many of you do. I will talk with him about this next month, but for now, I guess I am retreating to denial.
Take care, all. Jayhaw, Nikki, you've been very good friends.
I'm sad, and trying now to address that with meds. I'm anxious, and have no confidence in the DMD prescribed for MS.
The neurologist is sure of his diagnosis, and I'm afraid to question that, and so reluctant to stop taking the painful treatment. Hence, the sadness.
I don't have symptoms that recur as so many of you do. I will talk with him about this next month, but for now, I guess I am retreating to denial.
Take care, all. Jayhaw, Nikki, you've been very good friends.
Snoopy61
06-13-2009, 06:10 PM
Pens'nChalk,
What has happened? Why do you doubt you MS dx?
I am concerned about you. I wish you would talk to me - you know how to contact me, I really wish you would. I may understand more than you think.
Best wishes.
What has happened? Why do you doubt you MS dx?
I am concerned about you. I wish you would talk to me - you know how to contact me, I really wish you would. I may understand more than you think.
Best wishes.
lexie 2
06-13-2009, 06:39 PM
hi there Pen's you have a ton going on in your life now. You were strong and healthy all of your life up until this point in your life. So perhaps your mental problems are situational. Don't be afraid of taking what you need till some of this passes, and perhaps when out of your control things subside you can try to lower the doses and eventually go off the meds. Like others have said, with your Doctors blessings. I myself am bi polar and hate taking drugs, but I also hate what my family and friends have to go through when I don't take them. I now have long ago excepted that I will have to take them all of my life, but I also have a really good Doctor that lets me try to lower the meds when life's problems are less. Just last week I got my MRI results, and there are multiple lesions that indicate MS, and I have been referred to a neurologist that specializes in MS. This has-been causing me to have greater stress and my Doctor increased my meds. for the time being, which will also help me keep my diabetes in check. Although I hate to have drugs be the answer, I have also realized that it's not the worst thing, and certainly nothing to be ashamed of. It's hard to know that my mind is reduce to what it is, I used to be able to recall any thing that I read or heard and now some times I can't remember the words I wanted to say or what was just said to me. Some times I wish I couldn't remember what it used to be like. I celebrate the good thing when they happen all day long no matter how small it might be, if it brings a smile to my face or heart I celebrate it. I have also come to this board to pour my heart out when things have seemingly become more than I cant bare things, and have received encouragement for my troubled mental state. Thanks for sharing and I will say a prayer for you. Keep up the fight, and blessings on you
Pens'nChalk
06-13-2009, 07:14 PM
Hi Snoopy,
You've offered a lot of good information here on the boards for folks with questions about MS, and I appreciate all I've learned from you as well as from the others here.
I guess I've just reached a point of disbelief that is undeniable. Despite the lesions, I believe this cannot be ms ... it is foreign to think it ms ... for so many years it was just odd symptoms, without painful meds ... I guess I have only regrets for having pursued a diagnosis ... did so because someone else wanted me to "stop treating symptoms" and find out the root. Not a happy pursuit, not a happy ending.
Please understand that I do appreciate and respect all that you have shared here. I may or may not continue this treatment after meeting with the neurologist this summer. This uncertainty and disbelief contributes to my worry and sadness, and I would like to resolve that with a decision to continue or not continue treatment. I expected to have something in my elder years, as my parents did, and I still do ... this is an unwanted detour on the way to those senior years, and I want to just sit it out, at least for now.
Others will continue to have beginner questions here, and you will continue to be a resource for so many. I may visit now and then, but quietly. I don't feel a part of it now.
You've offered a lot of good information here on the boards for folks with questions about MS, and I appreciate all I've learned from you as well as from the others here.
I guess I've just reached a point of disbelief that is undeniable. Despite the lesions, I believe this cannot be ms ... it is foreign to think it ms ... for so many years it was just odd symptoms, without painful meds ... I guess I have only regrets for having pursued a diagnosis ... did so because someone else wanted me to "stop treating symptoms" and find out the root. Not a happy pursuit, not a happy ending.
Please understand that I do appreciate and respect all that you have shared here. I may or may not continue this treatment after meeting with the neurologist this summer. This uncertainty and disbelief contributes to my worry and sadness, and I would like to resolve that with a decision to continue or not continue treatment. I expected to have something in my elder years, as my parents did, and I still do ... this is an unwanted detour on the way to those senior years, and I want to just sit it out, at least for now.
Others will continue to have beginner questions here, and you will continue to be a resource for so many. I may visit now and then, but quietly. I don't feel a part of it now.
Snoopy61
06-13-2009, 08:41 PM
It's okay Pens'nChalk. When or if you feel the need or want to talk we will be here.
As far as the DMDs: as you may know I am very upfront that I have never used them. This is a disease that is being treated yet much is still not known about this disease.
I understand the concern about living your life, trying to afford medication that is outrageous in price and enjoying the golden years. The cost of those drugs make that thought rather scary and leaves your future, moneywise, uncertain.
If I may offer an observation:
I think your still going through the grieving process which is very normal. With MS the grieving process can happen at different times, throughout the course of this disease. A dx of MS can cause fear, disbelief, uncertainty and many more emotions. This is all perfectly normal.
Denial is a coping mechanism and very normal under the circumstances. Depression and anxiety are also very normal reactions with MS and with things that can happen to us in real life.
Pens'nChalk, do not feel you need to respond - I really do understand.
I wish you all the best and I hope you can find peace in your life.
As far as the DMDs: as you may know I am very upfront that I have never used them. This is a disease that is being treated yet much is still not known about this disease.
I understand the concern about living your life, trying to afford medication that is outrageous in price and enjoying the golden years. The cost of those drugs make that thought rather scary and leaves your future, moneywise, uncertain.
If I may offer an observation:
I think your still going through the grieving process which is very normal. With MS the grieving process can happen at different times, throughout the course of this disease. A dx of MS can cause fear, disbelief, uncertainty and many more emotions. This is all perfectly normal.
Denial is a coping mechanism and very normal under the circumstances. Depression and anxiety are also very normal reactions with MS and with things that can happen to us in real life.
Pens'nChalk, do not feel you need to respond - I really do understand.
I wish you all the best and I hope you can find peace in your life.
MSNik
06-13-2009, 08:45 PM
Penns, this is one of those times when im just going to say we are here if you need us..
Snoopy might be right, or might not, but what she wrote does certainly seem valid....however, you are not a stupid or ignorant woman. You know your body and yourself, better then anyone.
You need to take a break from all this and get yourself mentally strong again.
And, besides, even if it is MS- the symtoms and things which would convince you will show up in time, and then again maybe not! Wouldnt that be wonderful?? Either way, no "talking you into" anything from me- just a shout out that your cared about, and I hope to hear from you on occasion so I know you are doing okay..
Hugs,
Nikki
Snoopy might be right, or might not, but what she wrote does certainly seem valid....however, you are not a stupid or ignorant woman. You know your body and yourself, better then anyone.
You need to take a break from all this and get yourself mentally strong again.
And, besides, even if it is MS- the symtoms and things which would convince you will show up in time, and then again maybe not! Wouldnt that be wonderful?? Either way, no "talking you into" anything from me- just a shout out that your cared about, and I hope to hear from you on occasion so I know you are doing okay..
Hugs,
Nikki