freesoul2009
06-17-2009, 07:47 PM
I don't want kids now, but my boyfriend does. I dont want to get pregnant for atleast 2 years until I get my MBA, but he is being an ass.
Worst come to worst, if he pressured me into leaving pills, what secret birth control options I have? IUD? Injections? Please advise.
I will prefer a method which even goes undetected in IUI (artificial insemination) and ultrasound exam (will IUD show up? Will absense of eggs come up). I dont even want doctors to know I am practising bc.
Plz don't judge me on what I am doing. Its complicated.
Thanks
Worst come to worst, if he pressured me into leaving pills, what secret birth control options I have? IUD? Injections? Please advise.
I will prefer a method which even goes undetected in IUI (artificial insemination) and ultrasound exam (will IUD show up? Will absense of eggs come up). I dont even want doctors to know I am practising bc.
Plz don't judge me on what I am doing. Its complicated.
Thanks
Sponsor
jana83
06-18-2009, 02:41 PM
I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation. I suppose talking it out is not an option?
An IUD will probably show up. How about an implant? It's placed under the skin on your arm and so it may escape a doctor's attention. Although I'm preety sure you don't have a period for some months, so that may not be a good option either.
Other than secretly taking the pill, I have no idea (maybe go to a totally different doctor to get it?). You could try doing the natural awareness method and avoid sex on the days you're fertile, if that's an option, but it's likely your BF would be aware of what you're doing (it requires mesuring your basal body temperature every morning) and would want to use it for getting pregnant instead. You could learn about the cervical mucous method, which however is not that reliable unless done properly and it takes some time to learn.
How about you make a deal with your BF that you will take BCP for another year and then go off to prepare your body for pregnancy, which would ideally take a year ;) - it's really good to flush the BC out of your system before getting pregnant, no matter what anyone says.
Also, in case all else fails, do some research on what to AVOID when trying to become pregnant (like hot baths etc.) and do some of it (that doesn't endanger your health). It may not work at all, but at least hot baths don't sound so bad. ;)
I hope everything turns out all right.
An IUD will probably show up. How about an implant? It's placed under the skin on your arm and so it may escape a doctor's attention. Although I'm preety sure you don't have a period for some months, so that may not be a good option either.
Other than secretly taking the pill, I have no idea (maybe go to a totally different doctor to get it?). You could try doing the natural awareness method and avoid sex on the days you're fertile, if that's an option, but it's likely your BF would be aware of what you're doing (it requires mesuring your basal body temperature every morning) and would want to use it for getting pregnant instead. You could learn about the cervical mucous method, which however is not that reliable unless done properly and it takes some time to learn.
How about you make a deal with your BF that you will take BCP for another year and then go off to prepare your body for pregnancy, which would ideally take a year ;) - it's really good to flush the BC out of your system before getting pregnant, no matter what anyone says.
Also, in case all else fails, do some research on what to AVOID when trying to become pregnant (like hot baths etc.) and do some of it (that doesn't endanger your health). It may not work at all, but at least hot baths don't sound so bad. ;)
I hope everything turns out all right.
esker
06-18-2009, 05:24 PM
You can get birth control injections. There's two different kinds. They both last for three months. It costs about 30 to 60 dollars for the injection plus the cost of a doctor's appointment once a month.
freesoul2009
06-18-2009, 06:35 PM
Thanks Jana and Esker
Will injections stop ovulation? Will eggs be produced? If i go thru ultrasound, I dont want doctor to be suspicious.
Thanks
Will injections stop ovulation? Will eggs be produced? If i go thru ultrasound, I dont want doctor to be suspicious.
Thanks
Tivo123
06-18-2009, 07:53 PM
But the problem is that there are all sorts of negative implications if you go through IVF knowing that you're on birth control. You could potentially get very sick if you go through all of the process while being on birth control. I mean it could potentially be deadly for you.
I think you're better off just telling him that you're not interested in having kids at this point and he needs to respect your decision. He doesn't sound like that great of a person if he is pressuring you when you are clearly not ready. I think that's a greater issue here, the fact that he doesn't respect you nor your decisions for your life choices (like getting your MBA) and would rather force you into a decision that you're just not ready to take. Please rethink this situation because if you lie to a doctor who is trying to help you to conceive and you're on some type of birth control already, it's going to be very bad for you, healthwise. You need to think about your own health in this situation. Your boyfriend's opinion doesn't really matter in this situation. It's your body, you have a right to decide when you're ready to have a baby. Don't let him bully you into this!
I think you're better off just telling him that you're not interested in having kids at this point and he needs to respect your decision. He doesn't sound like that great of a person if he is pressuring you when you are clearly not ready. I think that's a greater issue here, the fact that he doesn't respect you nor your decisions for your life choices (like getting your MBA) and would rather force you into a decision that you're just not ready to take. Please rethink this situation because if you lie to a doctor who is trying to help you to conceive and you're on some type of birth control already, it's going to be very bad for you, healthwise. You need to think about your own health in this situation. Your boyfriend's opinion doesn't really matter in this situation. It's your body, you have a right to decide when you're ready to have a baby. Don't let him bully you into this!
freesoul2009
06-18-2009, 11:27 PM
Tivo,
I was not thinking of IVF.....just IUI (artificial insemination). I will refuse always IVF. Again, my question was: Will ultrasound show anything that says I had taken injections?
The situation is complicated. I have promised him kids 5 years back, but it gets postponed a number of times, for various reasons. He is worried about my and his age, and is getting panicky.
Sometimes, I feel I might have tokophobia. I dont have that much love and affection for kids as he has.
Thanks
I was not thinking of IVF.....just IUI (artificial insemination). I will refuse always IVF. Again, my question was: Will ultrasound show anything that says I had taken injections?
The situation is complicated. I have promised him kids 5 years back, but it gets postponed a number of times, for various reasons. He is worried about my and his age, and is getting panicky.
Sometimes, I feel I might have tokophobia. I dont have that much love and affection for kids as he has.
Thanks
jana83
06-19-2009, 03:34 AM
For one, if you take hormonal birth control, you won't be producing eggs. For another, the fact that this could be really dangerous for your health is absolutely true. Taking different kinds of hormones at the same time also poses a high risk for cancer.
As I said before, if you get injections, you still won't be having a period for some months or you could be spotting, and that would cause suspicion and concern, and either nasty tests to see if you have PCOS or another condition or fertility treatments.
I thought perhaps you live in an abusive relationship, a different culture and you simply do not dare say no. But if it's just the fact that you're afraid of having children, you should really talk to your partner about it or at least see a psychologist, who can tell you whether there are some deep lying issues you have and could work through or whether it's just your choice in life. But in case of the latter, you should be fair to your parnter and give him the option of finding someone else to have children with. Honesty really is the best approach. If you tell him about your fears and about maybe seeing a doctor for it, maybe he'd be willing to give you the extra time you need. Or try to reach a compromise about waiting 1 year.
One more thing: it's not the easiest thing in the world to become pregnant at after a certain age. Since you're saying your partner is afraid of the two of you getting too old, maybe giving it a try now would mean you'd get pregnant in 3 years, possibly with treatment. For most couples it takes a year of (actively) trying to conceive, longer for some. And then there's 9 months of pregnancy, at least 7 of which you can still go to school etc.
As I said before, if you get injections, you still won't be having a period for some months or you could be spotting, and that would cause suspicion and concern, and either nasty tests to see if you have PCOS or another condition or fertility treatments.
I thought perhaps you live in an abusive relationship, a different culture and you simply do not dare say no. But if it's just the fact that you're afraid of having children, you should really talk to your partner about it or at least see a psychologist, who can tell you whether there are some deep lying issues you have and could work through or whether it's just your choice in life. But in case of the latter, you should be fair to your parnter and give him the option of finding someone else to have children with. Honesty really is the best approach. If you tell him about your fears and about maybe seeing a doctor for it, maybe he'd be willing to give you the extra time you need. Or try to reach a compromise about waiting 1 year.
One more thing: it's not the easiest thing in the world to become pregnant at after a certain age. Since you're saying your partner is afraid of the two of you getting too old, maybe giving it a try now would mean you'd get pregnant in 3 years, possibly with treatment. For most couples it takes a year of (actively) trying to conceive, longer for some. And then there's 9 months of pregnancy, at least 7 of which you can still go to school etc.
freesoul2009
06-20-2009, 02:53 AM
Hi Jana
Its not abusive relationship. Its 5+ years long "normal" relationship. He is clear he would leave me if I refuse to have his child.
And without any agreemnt on child, marriage is also out of question. Since he has been asking for kids for a long time, his patience is near end :(
I will have to leave pills...because of any expected ultrasound.
Thanks
Its not abusive relationship. Its 5+ years long "normal" relationship. He is clear he would leave me if I refuse to have his child.
And without any agreemnt on child, marriage is also out of question. Since he has been asking for kids for a long time, his patience is near end :(
I will have to leave pills...because of any expected ultrasound.
Thanks
Tivo123
06-20-2009, 12:44 PM
This is just a side question, but if after 5 years he hasn't even proposed yet (you still call him your boyfriend), then why should you go through the hassle of having his baby? Wouldn't you rather be married first before getting pregnant? I know that times have changed and people do things out of order now, but for yourself, don't you think you deserve to have what you want out of your life?
I still think that he is pushing you too hard for something that you're not ready to do. And the fact that he won't respect your decision and your desire to want to further educate yourself should be a real concern of yours. It's not fair to you to have to hide your birth control, you shouldn't have to be doing that. I really think you just need to tell him that you're not ready. And if he bails, then he's not for you after all. Most men would be happy their partner wanted to get further education. MBAs pay a lot more than a Bachelor's degree these days. He should want you to do that! He's being disrespectful toward you for not caring about your feelings about this. Please don't go through with this just talk to him. And don't let anyone ever bully you into something you're not ready to do. You're worth a lot more than that.
I still think that he is pushing you too hard for something that you're not ready to do. And the fact that he won't respect your decision and your desire to want to further educate yourself should be a real concern of yours. It's not fair to you to have to hide your birth control, you shouldn't have to be doing that. I really think you just need to tell him that you're not ready. And if he bails, then he's not for you after all. Most men would be happy their partner wanted to get further education. MBAs pay a lot more than a Bachelor's degree these days. He should want you to do that! He's being disrespectful toward you for not caring about your feelings about this. Please don't go through with this just talk to him. And don't let anyone ever bully you into something you're not ready to do. You're worth a lot more than that.
jana83
06-20-2009, 02:17 PM
It's true that bringing a child into such a relationship in this fashion might do more harm than good. You might start feeling resentment for your BF (if you're not already), resentment for the child, you BF might start feeling the same way....maybe you guys would break up after all and you'd get to care for a baby you never wanted all by yourself.
OR you might come to enjoy being a mother - and mothers with little kids graduate all the time, it just requires a little bit more effort. Is he willing and able to support you and the baby, so you can be a SAHM and go to school after you give birth? That way you'd only miss at most a year. Have you asked him? Is that an option for you?
I understand about not wanting to lose a relationship which otherwise works really well (I assume such because otherwise you would have broken up already). And since you obviously consider having kids somewhere down the line, why not start earlier than planned. Ok, this is just my take on things. But remember I WANT to have kids very badly. I'd have one now if my BF was for it. I plan on graduating from school and start trying to conceive, and I do intend to enroll in postgraduate studies. It will be more difficult with a baby, but it can be done. However you need to have your BF on board for this.
If he's trying to prevent you from getting a higher education - maybe so he can feel better about himself (men are truly a**holes like that sometimes), then I'd say run as far as you can away from him. May I ask, what is his highest level of education?
Also, there are good arguments for putting off the time to start TTC for a while. Both of you should get as healthy as possible (quit smoking, alcohol, he should be avoiding hot baths and cycling, wear loose pants etc., you should start taking a prenatal vitamin, if you're overweight, you should both lose weight, get into an exercise routine for an easier pregnancy and delivery, start eating healthy). You should clear the pill out of your system, I'd say at least 6 months. You should arrange for a pre-pergnancy visit with your doctor. You should get yourself thoroughly checked out (general health, blood pressure, pap etc.). You should have all your dental work done, because it can't be done during pregnancy. You could start monitoring your fertility (measuring your temperature etc. so you know when and if you start to ovulate - it can take a while after coming off the pill). See where I'm going with this? If you decide to go about it responsibly, it gives you AT LEAST 6 months to a year before you start TTCing. And it may not happen right away at all.
So if you guys can maybe agree on taking such an approach, it would be a compromise. I'm writing this because I assume you have decided to stay in the relationship and go off the pill whatever else happens. And if he really wants a baby so bad, he should be prepared to go about it the right way and do everything to ensure your child is healthy. Besides, he should be overjoyed that you're taking such an approach to this.
But the most important thing you need to consider is the baby. Are you guys going to be able to give the baby and each other all the love you can give? Will you be able to stand together, to communicate, to share responsibilities?
OR you might come to enjoy being a mother - and mothers with little kids graduate all the time, it just requires a little bit more effort. Is he willing and able to support you and the baby, so you can be a SAHM and go to school after you give birth? That way you'd only miss at most a year. Have you asked him? Is that an option for you?
I understand about not wanting to lose a relationship which otherwise works really well (I assume such because otherwise you would have broken up already). And since you obviously consider having kids somewhere down the line, why not start earlier than planned. Ok, this is just my take on things. But remember I WANT to have kids very badly. I'd have one now if my BF was for it. I plan on graduating from school and start trying to conceive, and I do intend to enroll in postgraduate studies. It will be more difficult with a baby, but it can be done. However you need to have your BF on board for this.
If he's trying to prevent you from getting a higher education - maybe so he can feel better about himself (men are truly a**holes like that sometimes), then I'd say run as far as you can away from him. May I ask, what is his highest level of education?
Also, there are good arguments for putting off the time to start TTC for a while. Both of you should get as healthy as possible (quit smoking, alcohol, he should be avoiding hot baths and cycling, wear loose pants etc., you should start taking a prenatal vitamin, if you're overweight, you should both lose weight, get into an exercise routine for an easier pregnancy and delivery, start eating healthy). You should clear the pill out of your system, I'd say at least 6 months. You should arrange for a pre-pergnancy visit with your doctor. You should get yourself thoroughly checked out (general health, blood pressure, pap etc.). You should have all your dental work done, because it can't be done during pregnancy. You could start monitoring your fertility (measuring your temperature etc. so you know when and if you start to ovulate - it can take a while after coming off the pill). See where I'm going with this? If you decide to go about it responsibly, it gives you AT LEAST 6 months to a year before you start TTCing. And it may not happen right away at all.
So if you guys can maybe agree on taking such an approach, it would be a compromise. I'm writing this because I assume you have decided to stay in the relationship and go off the pill whatever else happens. And if he really wants a baby so bad, he should be prepared to go about it the right way and do everything to ensure your child is healthy. Besides, he should be overjoyed that you're taking such an approach to this.
But the most important thing you need to consider is the baby. Are you guys going to be able to give the baby and each other all the love you can give? Will you be able to stand together, to communicate, to share responsibilities?
kira8
07-02-2009, 04:10 PM
IUD strings can be felt and will be found on any examination. You could use an implant or injections to keep it from your boyfriend. However you should tell any doctor about it. They will question your health and you'll just end up in a huge mess if you try to hide it from the doctors. I'm not sure exactly what a doctor would choose to do but I don't believe that even legally they would be allowed to give out the information of your birth control to your boyfriend.
Really what you should do is tell him you want to wait. If he can't agree to your logical and reasonable request then I don't care how long the relationship has been going on it won't work eventually. Eventually one day you are going to wake up to find you hate the relationship your in. Especially if you get forced into having kids when you want to finish school. I do not agree with the people who say just stop birth control and hope you don't get pregnant for a year or more. Maybe it will take a year. Maybe it won't. What if it doesn't? Finishing school pregnant or with a child could be very difficult or impossible for some. Your whole life could be changed because of some guy that doesn't even care about your well being and happiness enough to wait another 2years and for some guy that you can't even trust enough to talk to. It's really not a healthy relationship and part of the problems in this world are with children being born into such relationships. For the well being of the individual you would create I do not think you should have kids in such a relationship unless you can both learn to talk things out and come to agreements.
Really what you should do is tell him you want to wait. If he can't agree to your logical and reasonable request then I don't care how long the relationship has been going on it won't work eventually. Eventually one day you are going to wake up to find you hate the relationship your in. Especially if you get forced into having kids when you want to finish school. I do not agree with the people who say just stop birth control and hope you don't get pregnant for a year or more. Maybe it will take a year. Maybe it won't. What if it doesn't? Finishing school pregnant or with a child could be very difficult or impossible for some. Your whole life could be changed because of some guy that doesn't even care about your well being and happiness enough to wait another 2years and for some guy that you can't even trust enough to talk to. It's really not a healthy relationship and part of the problems in this world are with children being born into such relationships. For the well being of the individual you would create I do not think you should have kids in such a relationship unless you can both learn to talk things out and come to agreements.