Soren
06-30-2009, 11:57 AM
I've recently been diagnosed as bipolar, and even after reading through this board and other articles and journals I could find I still have a lot of questions and concerns, especially since I don't feel entirely comfortable going to family members and friends to discuss them.
I've had longstanding depression, mood and anxiety problems which I have always considered separate issues. I've had issues with depression for as long as I can remember and had my first panic attack at about 5 years old, watching the thriller video for the first time. I also have serious anger management and addictions issues in my family (on both sides), of which anger management has been a serious problem for me and my relationship with my wife. We always thought, treat the depression and the other things will improve.
The connect the dots moment came yesterday in a therapy appointment with my wife, when we were talking about what specifically triggers an agitated mood and I talked for the first time openly about the correlation between periods of high productivity (I'm a composer) and difficulties concentration, abnormally high energy levels, inability to think clearly etc and also my bad temperament. Many serious fights have come up between me and my wife because I felt she was interrupting me during a period where I was getting work done.
When the therapist said the word, I immediately felt kind of sick to my stomach. As much as it was nice to have something to say this could be the root cause of all the mental health problems I've struggles with for so long, the diagnosis itself, the stigma that comes with it and the things I had previously heard about getting treatment are very frightening to me.
My biggest concern is that with all my self esteem issues I have always been able to put stock in feeling like a very creative person, and the composing that I have done in the last 2 years or so is one of my proudest achievements in life. Essentially I'm terrified of losing that. I know it is totally unfair to put my wife through the up and downs, the walking on eggshell moments that living with me has been, but still I have that feeling like I don't want to lose a part of me that is very important to my self worth.
I'd really appreciate any feedback from anyone on here who works in a creative field on how treatment impacted their work, from a consistency or a perceived quality standpoint. I just don't have any reference to go by.
I've had longstanding depression, mood and anxiety problems which I have always considered separate issues. I've had issues with depression for as long as I can remember and had my first panic attack at about 5 years old, watching the thriller video for the first time. I also have serious anger management and addictions issues in my family (on both sides), of which anger management has been a serious problem for me and my relationship with my wife. We always thought, treat the depression and the other things will improve.
The connect the dots moment came yesterday in a therapy appointment with my wife, when we were talking about what specifically triggers an agitated mood and I talked for the first time openly about the correlation between periods of high productivity (I'm a composer) and difficulties concentration, abnormally high energy levels, inability to think clearly etc and also my bad temperament. Many serious fights have come up between me and my wife because I felt she was interrupting me during a period where I was getting work done.
When the therapist said the word, I immediately felt kind of sick to my stomach. As much as it was nice to have something to say this could be the root cause of all the mental health problems I've struggles with for so long, the diagnosis itself, the stigma that comes with it and the things I had previously heard about getting treatment are very frightening to me.
My biggest concern is that with all my self esteem issues I have always been able to put stock in feeling like a very creative person, and the composing that I have done in the last 2 years or so is one of my proudest achievements in life. Essentially I'm terrified of losing that. I know it is totally unfair to put my wife through the up and downs, the walking on eggshell moments that living with me has been, but still I have that feeling like I don't want to lose a part of me that is very important to my self worth.
I'd really appreciate any feedback from anyone on here who works in a creative field on how treatment impacted their work, from a consistency or a perceived quality standpoint. I just don't have any reference to go by.
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strawberrysc
06-30-2009, 04:04 PM
Hi Soren
I know how you feel. I too was recently diagnosed, but have had depression and anxiety problems leading up to this. Everyone just thought that they were separate issues, especially the anxiety because I have OCD. However, after being in the hospital for a third time they finally figured out that it is bipolar, and all of that anxiety is a manic phase. Since the diagnosis I feel better because I am on medications that help with the mania. For me, when I am manic, it comes in the form of anxiety and irritability. I don't know if I have accepted the diagnosis because for so long I always thought that the bad anxiety was just my OCD. I think that there is more of a stigma with bipolar. I had no problem telling my friends that I had OCD, but I have yet to tell anyone (except my wonderful husband) that I have bipolar. I just feel like people would judge me, label me, and not understand. I really like this message board because there are so many people here who get it. You're not alone in this! :)
I know how you feel. I too was recently diagnosed, but have had depression and anxiety problems leading up to this. Everyone just thought that they were separate issues, especially the anxiety because I have OCD. However, after being in the hospital for a third time they finally figured out that it is bipolar, and all of that anxiety is a manic phase. Since the diagnosis I feel better because I am on medications that help with the mania. For me, when I am manic, it comes in the form of anxiety and irritability. I don't know if I have accepted the diagnosis because for so long I always thought that the bad anxiety was just my OCD. I think that there is more of a stigma with bipolar. I had no problem telling my friends that I had OCD, but I have yet to tell anyone (except my wonderful husband) that I have bipolar. I just feel like people would judge me, label me, and not understand. I really like this message board because there are so many people here who get it. You're not alone in this! :)
centerice00
06-30-2009, 10:33 PM
Hi,
I am new to the boards, just joined a few minutes ago. i am still trying to figure out how to start a thread.
Anyway, since June 3rd I sought treatment for vicodin addiction and anxiety. I went to a psychiatrist and was diagnosed with bipolar 11. So, I am now on three meds, Depakote ER 750 mg. per night, Risperidal .25 mg per night and Suboxone, 16 mg per day.
Yes, my moods are now good, I no longer crave Vicodin, and mentally I feel the best I have ever felt.
But, now I am always so tired that I can hardly keep my eyes open. Being so tired is effecting my life. I had to leave work at noon the other day because I could not keep my eyes open, I am too tired to do anything that I don't have to do. (I'm too tired to spend time with my family). I also always feel like I am in a "fog", and I am also getting quite forgetful. My life is still impaired, just in different ways now.
Also, all I do is eat. Hungry all the time.
I told my psychiatrist that I am so tired, and he said to just deal with it. The meds are still pretty new. But, I just can't stand it anymore.
Tonight I am trying an experiment. I have decided not to take any Depakote or Risperadal at all and see how tired I am tomorrow. I can't stop the Suboxone or else I will get withdrawl symptoms. I just want to see if it is these meds making me so tired.
Has anyone else been through this? I can't stand it anymore!! And it hasn't even been a full month!!
I am new to the boards, just joined a few minutes ago. i am still trying to figure out how to start a thread.
Anyway, since June 3rd I sought treatment for vicodin addiction and anxiety. I went to a psychiatrist and was diagnosed with bipolar 11. So, I am now on three meds, Depakote ER 750 mg. per night, Risperidal .25 mg per night and Suboxone, 16 mg per day.
Yes, my moods are now good, I no longer crave Vicodin, and mentally I feel the best I have ever felt.
But, now I am always so tired that I can hardly keep my eyes open. Being so tired is effecting my life. I had to leave work at noon the other day because I could not keep my eyes open, I am too tired to do anything that I don't have to do. (I'm too tired to spend time with my family). I also always feel like I am in a "fog", and I am also getting quite forgetful. My life is still impaired, just in different ways now.
Also, all I do is eat. Hungry all the time.
I told my psychiatrist that I am so tired, and he said to just deal with it. The meds are still pretty new. But, I just can't stand it anymore.
Tonight I am trying an experiment. I have decided not to take any Depakote or Risperadal at all and see how tired I am tomorrow. I can't stop the Suboxone or else I will get withdrawl symptoms. I just want to see if it is these meds making me so tired.
Has anyone else been through this? I can't stand it anymore!! And it hasn't even been a full month!!
tigger5150
07-01-2009, 05:00 AM
Hi,
I am new to the boards, just joined a few minutes ago. i am still trying to figure out how to start a thread.
Anyway, since June 3rd I sought treatment for vicodin addiction and anxiety. I went to a psychiatrist and was diagnosed with bipolar 11. So, I am now on three meds, Depakote ER 750 mg. per night, Risperidal .25 mg per night and Suboxone, 16 mg per day.
Yes, my moods are now good, I no longer crave Vicodin, and mentally I feel the best I have ever felt.
But, now I am always so tired that I can hardly keep my eyes open. Being so tired is effecting my life. I had to leave work at noon the other day because I could not keep my eyes open, I am too tired to do anything that I don't have to do. (I'm too tired to spend time with my family). I also always feel like I am in a "fog", and I am also getting quite forgetful. My life is still impaired, just in different ways now.
Also, all I do is eat. Hungry all the time.
I told my psychiatrist that I am so tired, and he said to just deal with it. The meds are still pretty new. But, I just can't stand it anymore.
Tonight I am trying an experiment. I have decided not to take any Depakote or Risperadal at all and see how tired I am tomorrow. I can't stop the Suboxone or else I will get withdrawl symptoms. I just want to see if it is these meds making me so tired.
Has anyone else been through this? I can't stand it anymore!! And it hasn't even been a full month!!
Often when you first start certain meds you will have a tired feeling and a fogginess.... sometimes it wears off after about a week or so, sometimes it doesn't and that's often where either a dose adjustment needs to be considered or a complete change of medication. Biopolar and medication is unfortunately often a challenge to find the right combination. I wouldn't suggest stopping your medications for your own "experimentation"..... at least not two at a time as you won't know which drug made the difference as it could be just one of them. If after a few weeks your pdoc is still saying deal with it.... I would consider finding a new one!
I am new to the boards, just joined a few minutes ago. i am still trying to figure out how to start a thread.
Anyway, since June 3rd I sought treatment for vicodin addiction and anxiety. I went to a psychiatrist and was diagnosed with bipolar 11. So, I am now on three meds, Depakote ER 750 mg. per night, Risperidal .25 mg per night and Suboxone, 16 mg per day.
Yes, my moods are now good, I no longer crave Vicodin, and mentally I feel the best I have ever felt.
But, now I am always so tired that I can hardly keep my eyes open. Being so tired is effecting my life. I had to leave work at noon the other day because I could not keep my eyes open, I am too tired to do anything that I don't have to do. (I'm too tired to spend time with my family). I also always feel like I am in a "fog", and I am also getting quite forgetful. My life is still impaired, just in different ways now.
Also, all I do is eat. Hungry all the time.
I told my psychiatrist that I am so tired, and he said to just deal with it. The meds are still pretty new. But, I just can't stand it anymore.
Tonight I am trying an experiment. I have decided not to take any Depakote or Risperadal at all and see how tired I am tomorrow. I can't stop the Suboxone or else I will get withdrawl symptoms. I just want to see if it is these meds making me so tired.
Has anyone else been through this? I can't stand it anymore!! And it hasn't even been a full month!!
Often when you first start certain meds you will have a tired feeling and a fogginess.... sometimes it wears off after about a week or so, sometimes it doesn't and that's often where either a dose adjustment needs to be considered or a complete change of medication. Biopolar and medication is unfortunately often a challenge to find the right combination. I wouldn't suggest stopping your medications for your own "experimentation"..... at least not two at a time as you won't know which drug made the difference as it could be just one of them. If after a few weeks your pdoc is still saying deal with it.... I would consider finding a new one!
tigger5150
07-01-2009, 05:03 AM
I've recently been diagnosed as bipolar, and even after reading through this board and other articles and journals I could find I still have a lot of questions and concerns, especially since I don't feel entirely comfortable going to family members and friends to discuss them.
I've had longstanding depression, mood and anxiety problems which I have always considered separate issues. I've had issues with depression for as long as I can remember and had my first panic attack at about 5 years old, watching the thriller video for the first time. I also have serious anger management and addictions issues in my family (on both sides), of which anger management has been a serious problem for me and my relationship with my wife. We always thought, treat the depression and the other things will improve.
The connect the dots moment came yesterday in a therapy appointment with my wife, when we were talking about what specifically triggers an agitated mood and I talked for the first time openly about the correlation between periods of high productivity (I'm a composer) and difficulties concentration, abnormally high energy levels, inability to think clearly etc and also my bad temperament. Many serious fights have come up between me and my wife because I felt she was interrupting me during a period where I was getting work done.
When the therapist said the word, I immediately felt kind of sick to my stomach. As much as it was nice to have something to say this could be the root cause of all the mental health problems I've struggles with for so long, the diagnosis itself, the stigma that comes with it and the things I had previously heard about getting treatment are very frightening to me.
My biggest concern is that with all my self esteem issues I have always been able to put stock in feeling like a very creative person, and the composing that I have done in the last 2 years or so is one of my proudest achievements in life. Essentially I'm terrified of losing that. I know it is totally unfair to put my wife through the up and downs, the walking on eggshell moments that living with me has been, but still I have that feeling like I don't want to lose a part of me that is very important to my self worth.
I'd really appreciate any feedback from anyone on here who works in a creative field on how treatment impacted their work, from a consistency or a perceived quality standpoint. I just don't have any reference to go by.
Getting diagnosed can be one of the hardest pieces of information you receive. But finding the right treatment can make it all worth while in the end. Unfortunately, there is a stigma with bipolar and other mental disorders although a little better than it used to be. I'm not the most creative person in the world but I have read and heard that many creative people (famous) suffered from some form of mental illness.
Welcome to the board and wishing you all the best!
I've had longstanding depression, mood and anxiety problems which I have always considered separate issues. I've had issues with depression for as long as I can remember and had my first panic attack at about 5 years old, watching the thriller video for the first time. I also have serious anger management and addictions issues in my family (on both sides), of which anger management has been a serious problem for me and my relationship with my wife. We always thought, treat the depression and the other things will improve.
The connect the dots moment came yesterday in a therapy appointment with my wife, when we were talking about what specifically triggers an agitated mood and I talked for the first time openly about the correlation between periods of high productivity (I'm a composer) and difficulties concentration, abnormally high energy levels, inability to think clearly etc and also my bad temperament. Many serious fights have come up between me and my wife because I felt she was interrupting me during a period where I was getting work done.
When the therapist said the word, I immediately felt kind of sick to my stomach. As much as it was nice to have something to say this could be the root cause of all the mental health problems I've struggles with for so long, the diagnosis itself, the stigma that comes with it and the things I had previously heard about getting treatment are very frightening to me.
My biggest concern is that with all my self esteem issues I have always been able to put stock in feeling like a very creative person, and the composing that I have done in the last 2 years or so is one of my proudest achievements in life. Essentially I'm terrified of losing that. I know it is totally unfair to put my wife through the up and downs, the walking on eggshell moments that living with me has been, but still I have that feeling like I don't want to lose a part of me that is very important to my self worth.
I'd really appreciate any feedback from anyone on here who works in a creative field on how treatment impacted their work, from a consistency or a perceived quality standpoint. I just don't have any reference to go by.
Getting diagnosed can be one of the hardest pieces of information you receive. But finding the right treatment can make it all worth while in the end. Unfortunately, there is a stigma with bipolar and other mental disorders although a little better than it used to be. I'm not the most creative person in the world but I have read and heard that many creative people (famous) suffered from some form of mental illness.
Welcome to the board and wishing you all the best!
irishwriter
07-01-2009, 06:15 AM
Hi,
I am new to the boards, just joined a few minutes ago. i am still trying to figure out how to start a thread.
Anyway, since June 3rd I sought treatment for vicodin addiction and anxiety. I went to a psychiatrist and was diagnosed with bipolar 11. So, I am now on three meds, Depakote ER 750 mg. per night, Risperidal .25 mg per night and Suboxone, 16 mg per day.
Yes, my moods are now good, I no longer crave Vicodin, and mentally I feel the best I have ever felt.
But, now I am always so tired that I can hardly keep my eyes open. Being so tired is effecting my life. I had to leave work at noon the other day because I could not keep my eyes open, I am too tired to do anything that I don't have to do. (I'm too tired to spend time with my family). I also always feel like I am in a "fog", and I am also getting quite forgetful. My life is still impaired, just in different ways now.
Also, all I do is eat. Hungry all the time.
I told my psychiatrist that I am so tired, and he said to just deal with it. The meds are still pretty new. But, I just can't stand it anymore.
Tonight I am trying an experiment. I have decided not to take any Depakote or Risperadal at all and see how tired I am tomorrow. I can't stop the Suboxone or else I will get withdrawl symptoms. I just want to see if it is these meds making me so tired.
Has anyone else been through this? I can't stand it anymore!! And it hasn't even been a full month!!
hi and welcome, your pdoc doesn't sound very helpful. any posibility of changing to a new one or writing down your issues about meds to your current person? tiredness makes it impossible to function well and maybe your meds need to be either reduced or changed. i hope you get the help you need and am glad vicodin is no longer an issue. well done to you.
iw
I am new to the boards, just joined a few minutes ago. i am still trying to figure out how to start a thread.
Anyway, since June 3rd I sought treatment for vicodin addiction and anxiety. I went to a psychiatrist and was diagnosed with bipolar 11. So, I am now on three meds, Depakote ER 750 mg. per night, Risperidal .25 mg per night and Suboxone, 16 mg per day.
Yes, my moods are now good, I no longer crave Vicodin, and mentally I feel the best I have ever felt.
But, now I am always so tired that I can hardly keep my eyes open. Being so tired is effecting my life. I had to leave work at noon the other day because I could not keep my eyes open, I am too tired to do anything that I don't have to do. (I'm too tired to spend time with my family). I also always feel like I am in a "fog", and I am also getting quite forgetful. My life is still impaired, just in different ways now.
Also, all I do is eat. Hungry all the time.
I told my psychiatrist that I am so tired, and he said to just deal with it. The meds are still pretty new. But, I just can't stand it anymore.
Tonight I am trying an experiment. I have decided not to take any Depakote or Risperadal at all and see how tired I am tomorrow. I can't stop the Suboxone or else I will get withdrawl symptoms. I just want to see if it is these meds making me so tired.
Has anyone else been through this? I can't stand it anymore!! And it hasn't even been a full month!!
hi and welcome, your pdoc doesn't sound very helpful. any posibility of changing to a new one or writing down your issues about meds to your current person? tiredness makes it impossible to function well and maybe your meds need to be either reduced or changed. i hope you get the help you need and am glad vicodin is no longer an issue. well done to you.
iw
irishwriter
07-01-2009, 06:22 AM
I've recently been diagnosed as bipolar, and even after reading through this board and other articles and journals I could find I still have a lot of questions and concerns, especially since I don't feel entirely comfortable going to family members and friends to discuss them.
I've had longstanding depression, mood and anxiety problems which I have always considered separate issues. I've had issues with depression for as long as I can remember and had my first panic attack at about 5 years old, watching the thriller video for the first time. I also have serious anger management and addictions issues in my family (on both sides), of which anger management has been a serious problem for me and my relationship with my wife. We always thought, treat the depression and the other things will improve.
The connect the dots moment came yesterday in a therapy appointment with my wife, when we were talking about what specifically triggers an agitated mood and I talked for the first time openly about the correlation between periods of high productivity (I'm a composer) and difficulties concentration, abnormally high energy levels, inability to think clearly etc and also my bad temperament. Many serious fights have come up between me and my wife because I felt she was interrupting me during a period where I was getting work done.
When the therapist said the word, I immediately felt kind of sick to my stomach. As much as it was nice to have something to say this could be the root cause of all the mental health problems I've struggles with for so long, the diagnosis itself, the stigma that comes with it and the things I had previously heard about getting treatment are very frightening to me.
My biggest concern is that with all my self esteem issues I have always been able to put stock in feeling like a very creative person, and the composing that I have done in the last 2 years or so is one of my proudest achievements in life. Essentially I'm terrified of losing that. I know it is totally unfair to put my wife through the up and downs, the walking on eggshell moments that living with me has been, but still I have that feeling like I don't want to lose a part of me that is very important to my self worth.
I'd really appreciate any feedback from anyone on here who works in a creative field on how treatment impacted their work, from a consistency or a perceived quality standpoint. I just don't have any reference to go by.
hi and welcome to the boards, lots of support here. are you on any meds yet? they shouldn't interfere with your creativity and if they do a good pdoc will adjust or change the med. i am a writer and have been able to continue producing and directing my plays and writing poetry for memorials or other events. i also have to write a 500 hundred word article today for the irish association of ****. it is a matter of trying different combos of meds to find the ones that work for you. i am sorry that the diagnosis has been such a shock to you. as more and more people become aware the stigma lessens as time goes by. you can find lots of books about depression and self esteem which you and your wife can read. your wife sounds like she is of good support to you and understands that you have a major illness. i tend to tell people that i have a disease which can kill and involves taking meds for the rest of my life.A mood stabiliser should help with anger management and depression. i hope this is helpful to you. let us know how things go for you.
iw
I've had longstanding depression, mood and anxiety problems which I have always considered separate issues. I've had issues with depression for as long as I can remember and had my first panic attack at about 5 years old, watching the thriller video for the first time. I also have serious anger management and addictions issues in my family (on both sides), of which anger management has been a serious problem for me and my relationship with my wife. We always thought, treat the depression and the other things will improve.
The connect the dots moment came yesterday in a therapy appointment with my wife, when we were talking about what specifically triggers an agitated mood and I talked for the first time openly about the correlation between periods of high productivity (I'm a composer) and difficulties concentration, abnormally high energy levels, inability to think clearly etc and also my bad temperament. Many serious fights have come up between me and my wife because I felt she was interrupting me during a period where I was getting work done.
When the therapist said the word, I immediately felt kind of sick to my stomach. As much as it was nice to have something to say this could be the root cause of all the mental health problems I've struggles with for so long, the diagnosis itself, the stigma that comes with it and the things I had previously heard about getting treatment are very frightening to me.
My biggest concern is that with all my self esteem issues I have always been able to put stock in feeling like a very creative person, and the composing that I have done in the last 2 years or so is one of my proudest achievements in life. Essentially I'm terrified of losing that. I know it is totally unfair to put my wife through the up and downs, the walking on eggshell moments that living with me has been, but still I have that feeling like I don't want to lose a part of me that is very important to my self worth.
I'd really appreciate any feedback from anyone on here who works in a creative field on how treatment impacted their work, from a consistency or a perceived quality standpoint. I just don't have any reference to go by.
hi and welcome to the boards, lots of support here. are you on any meds yet? they shouldn't interfere with your creativity and if they do a good pdoc will adjust or change the med. i am a writer and have been able to continue producing and directing my plays and writing poetry for memorials or other events. i also have to write a 500 hundred word article today for the irish association of ****. it is a matter of trying different combos of meds to find the ones that work for you. i am sorry that the diagnosis has been such a shock to you. as more and more people become aware the stigma lessens as time goes by. you can find lots of books about depression and self esteem which you and your wife can read. your wife sounds like she is of good support to you and understands that you have a major illness. i tend to tell people that i have a disease which can kill and involves taking meds for the rest of my life.A mood stabiliser should help with anger management and depression. i hope this is helpful to you. let us know how things go for you.
iw
Soren
07-01-2009, 03:21 PM
thank you to all who responded. It certainly is helpful having other people to talk to.
Because of financial reasons, I haven't been able to being individual therapy/psychiatric treatment yet and won't be able to. Basically this all came up in a couples session trying to identify the things that trigger my temperamental moods, and I mentioned the fact that when I have been most productive in my writing I have also had difficulty concentrating to the point where I had to leave classes, increased anxiety etc. What I didn't mention was the racing thoughts and eccentric verbage that finds it's way into my journals, etc.
Because of financial reasons, I haven't been able to being individual therapy/psychiatric treatment yet and won't be able to. Basically this all came up in a couples session trying to identify the things that trigger my temperamental moods, and I mentioned the fact that when I have been most productive in my writing I have also had difficulty concentrating to the point where I had to leave classes, increased anxiety etc. What I didn't mention was the racing thoughts and eccentric verbage that finds it's way into my journals, etc.
electric blue
07-01-2009, 04:23 PM
I've recently been diagnosed as bipolar, and even after reading through this board and other articles and journals I could find I still have a lot of questions and concerns, especially since I don't feel entirely comfortable going to family members and friends to discuss them.
I've had longstanding depression, mood and anxiety problems which I have always considered separate issues. I've had issues with depression for as long as I can remember and had my first panic attack at about 5 years old, watching the thriller video for the first time. I also have serious anger management and addictions issues in my family (on both sides), of which anger management has been a serious problem for me and my relationship with my wife. We always thought, treat the depression and the other things will improve.
The connect the dots moment came yesterday in a therapy appointment with my wife, when we were talking about what specifically triggers an agitated mood and I talked for the first time openly about the correlation between periods of high productivity (I'm a composer) and difficulties concentration, abnormally high energy levels, inability to think clearly etc and also my bad temperament. Many serious fights have come up between me and my wife because I felt she was interrupting me during a period where I was getting work done.
When the therapist said the word, I immediately felt kind of sick to my stomach. As much as it was nice to have something to say this could be the root cause of all the mental health problems I've struggles with for so long, the diagnosis itself, the stigma that comes with it and the things I had previously heard about getting treatment are very frightening to me.
My biggest concern is that with all my self esteem issues I have always been able to put stock in feeling like a very creative person, and the composing that I have done in the last 2 years or so is one of my proudest achievements in life. Essentially I'm terrified of losing that. I know it is totally unfair to put my wife through the up and downs, the walking on eggshell moments that living with me has been, but still I have that feeling like I don't want to lose a part of me that is very important to my self worth.
I'd really appreciate any feedback from anyone on here who works in a creative field on how treatment impacted their work, from a consistency or a perceived quality standpoint. I just don't have any reference to go by.
Hi Soren,
Welcome to the board :) electric blue here. Like Irishwriter, i am a writer as well. Nothing better for me to be able to do that, though i don't consider myself a great writer lol. I have bp (don't know 1 or 2 as my doctors are useless). Please don't think you will lose that vital part of yourself. It was there before your diagnosis, and it will remain so. I know your moods may affect thought patterns, and sometimes confusion happens with bp but the essential you will always be there. Try getting to a doctor who can prescribe meds for you and that will help settle your mind with daily things as well as with your wife. It's very difficult for families of people with bp to understand. I was very scared to go on any meds, but that's another story, because i was afraid i'd become a different person and that no one would either know me anymore or even like me. I just didn't know how they were going to affect me. My doctor hasn't put me on mood stabs yet. If you read my posts, you'll get to know about me.
We're all here for you anytime you want to talk. Good luck :)
I've had longstanding depression, mood and anxiety problems which I have always considered separate issues. I've had issues with depression for as long as I can remember and had my first panic attack at about 5 years old, watching the thriller video for the first time. I also have serious anger management and addictions issues in my family (on both sides), of which anger management has been a serious problem for me and my relationship with my wife. We always thought, treat the depression and the other things will improve.
The connect the dots moment came yesterday in a therapy appointment with my wife, when we were talking about what specifically triggers an agitated mood and I talked for the first time openly about the correlation between periods of high productivity (I'm a composer) and difficulties concentration, abnormally high energy levels, inability to think clearly etc and also my bad temperament. Many serious fights have come up between me and my wife because I felt she was interrupting me during a period where I was getting work done.
When the therapist said the word, I immediately felt kind of sick to my stomach. As much as it was nice to have something to say this could be the root cause of all the mental health problems I've struggles with for so long, the diagnosis itself, the stigma that comes with it and the things I had previously heard about getting treatment are very frightening to me.
My biggest concern is that with all my self esteem issues I have always been able to put stock in feeling like a very creative person, and the composing that I have done in the last 2 years or so is one of my proudest achievements in life. Essentially I'm terrified of losing that. I know it is totally unfair to put my wife through the up and downs, the walking on eggshell moments that living with me has been, but still I have that feeling like I don't want to lose a part of me that is very important to my self worth.
I'd really appreciate any feedback from anyone on here who works in a creative field on how treatment impacted their work, from a consistency or a perceived quality standpoint. I just don't have any reference to go by.
Hi Soren,
Welcome to the board :) electric blue here. Like Irishwriter, i am a writer as well. Nothing better for me to be able to do that, though i don't consider myself a great writer lol. I have bp (don't know 1 or 2 as my doctors are useless). Please don't think you will lose that vital part of yourself. It was there before your diagnosis, and it will remain so. I know your moods may affect thought patterns, and sometimes confusion happens with bp but the essential you will always be there. Try getting to a doctor who can prescribe meds for you and that will help settle your mind with daily things as well as with your wife. It's very difficult for families of people with bp to understand. I was very scared to go on any meds, but that's another story, because i was afraid i'd become a different person and that no one would either know me anymore or even like me. I just didn't know how they were going to affect me. My doctor hasn't put me on mood stabs yet. If you read my posts, you'll get to know about me.
We're all here for you anytime you want to talk. Good luck :)
ger1
07-06-2009, 01:04 AM
I'm 22 and also new on the site and just recently diagnosed with bipolar. This is all new and a bit confusing. I really don't like the meds but am told I definately need them. I'm reading a book on the subject and it does help. Just need to know I'm not alone. Any advise from anyone I would appreciate.
irishwriter
07-06-2009, 06:15 AM
I'm 22 and also new on the site and just recently diagnosed with bipolar. This is all new and a bit confusing. I really don't like the meds but am told I definately need them. I'm reading a book on the subject and it does help. Just need to know I'm not alone. Any advise from anyone I would appreciate.
welcome ger1. i am glad you are reading about it all as it does help to realise that a lot of other people live with some of these common symptoms. it also helps to understand that this is a disease like any other and as such needs treatment. you will find help and advice here on the boards and i hope it is of use to you. am sure you prob have advice to offer too. look forward to hearing from you again.
iw
welcome ger1. i am glad you are reading about it all as it does help to realise that a lot of other people live with some of these common symptoms. it also helps to understand that this is a disease like any other and as such needs treatment. you will find help and advice here on the boards and i hope it is of use to you. am sure you prob have advice to offer too. look forward to hearing from you again.
iw
ger1
07-06-2009, 09:55 AM
Thanks for taking the time to welcome me. It feels good to know that I'm not alone. I'm having a moment so I'll check in later.
Ger1
Ger1