Cathy01
08-15-2009, 12:46 PM
My son was diagnosed with Aspergers in 3rd grade. He is very high functioning and was no longer getting any direct services since 8th grade. He is very resentful of his diagnosis lately. He wasn't before but does not want the stigma relating to this is what I think. He just wants to be a "regular", "normal" person. We do talk about it occasionally and I have given him things to read. He graduated last year and is enrolled in a two year college. He had an IEP, now a 504 so he would qualify for some services if needed. Mostly it's the free tutoring if he has a diagnosis. He has forbidden me to submit it to the college "just in case" he needs additional help. He feels he no longer has Aspergers or never had it. He has recently told me he resented teachers at High School (they all got info on him if he was in their class) mentioning to him that they understood he may need additional help or extra time for tests. I am trying to abide by his wishes but am concerned that he may need help. I found out a few days ago that the Student Services has limited space so do I talk with someone there but not formally submit his IEP/504? Oh the dilemma, should I interfere or just leave it and hope things are ok?
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Cathy01
08-19-2009, 12:49 PM
Anyone have a suggestion? At this point I am just going to abide with what he says. He is strongly flexing his rights as a "adult". That's a good thing, he wants to be more independent but still I don't want him to fail if he needs help and won't ask for it.
roses4lace
08-20-2009, 12:36 AM
I think abiding by his wishes right now is appropriate. Be sure to let him know that if he does need extra help, you are willing to step in and help get him some services. But also give him the downside - if he doesn't apply now, the services may not be available right when he needs them. Since he's had services so long, he may already have the skills to get him through, but make sure he understands there may be unexpected consequences down the line if he changes his mind. Perhaps he will find a study group in college. He needs to have the opportunity to "figure it out for himself".
In my opinion, one of the most important teachings a parent can give, is to teach their child to know when to ask for help, and HOW to ask for help, instead of the child just waiting on someone to hand whatever they need over to them, or even do it for them. In the years of counseling I've been through, I learned to never do for somebody else those things they could do for themselves - it puts them in a dependancy mode and changes their mindset, and sends the message that I think they are too incompetent to handle their own needs. Heck, I was in my mid-30's before I learned this myself!
We try our best to look "normal", and that's what your son seems to want. If he's that determined, he'll figure it out. It's much better to appear quirky, rather than as someone with a disability.
In my opinion, one of the most important teachings a parent can give, is to teach their child to know when to ask for help, and HOW to ask for help, instead of the child just waiting on someone to hand whatever they need over to them, or even do it for them. In the years of counseling I've been through, I learned to never do for somebody else those things they could do for themselves - it puts them in a dependancy mode and changes their mindset, and sends the message that I think they are too incompetent to handle their own needs. Heck, I was in my mid-30's before I learned this myself!
We try our best to look "normal", and that's what your son seems to want. If he's that determined, he'll figure it out. It's much better to appear quirky, rather than as someone with a disability.
Cathy01
08-22-2009, 09:27 AM
Thank you Rose4lace. That is what I was thinking. I just needed to hear it from another besides eople who are close.It's been tough for me to let go a bit. So much growing up has taken place with him. He got his drivers license this summer. Sent him on a class trip to Spain last summer. Has a few new friends that are pretty independent. A few of them drove over 2,000 miles this summer to California, I am glad he didn't ask to go with!!!I just have to let him know "I will help if need be, but otherwise I will let go more.
kehorner
08-29-2009, 03:12 PM
He's in college. I don't even know if you have rights (under FERPA laws) to submit the paperwork for him. In general, once a person is in college, their parents no longer have the right to access their grades or intercede on their behalf. In order for a student to register for disability services, the student must do so. And even after you register with disability services, the student is still responsible for informing teachers about accommodations needed and obtaining those accommodations. In college, nobody goes and informs the teachers that a student with a disability is going to be in their class. Even if you register with the disability office, you still have to disclose your disability to each of your teachers, otherwise you get no accommodations.
educateme808
09-02-2009, 07:48 PM
hello Cathy, it is unfortunate that your child does not want to attain academic accommodations. However, because he is the legal age now it really is up to him to self advocate for services as he deems appropriate. First question would be "has he been passing his classes?" Most time if an individual is doing okay and in good academic standings, then he/she may not want to seek academic accommodations. However, it may be a good idea to have a discussion with your child and let him know that it may be beneficial if he did the paperwork to attain academic accommodation for future classes. Reasons being, it takes time to get all of the appropriate paper work in order. The ADA adviser on campus will need to review his diagnosis, make appropriate accommodations and letters need to be sent to his instructor. It is important to let you son know and have him understand that the diagnosis are all left in confidence. All the instructor will be told is the accommodation that need to be made. Keep in mind that instructors are not allowed to restructure the curriculum or in lay terms "dumb it down" to meet the needs of an individual, instead the instructor will only provide academic accommodations to level out the playing field. I hope this was helpful.
Cathy01
09-03-2009, 12:48 PM
Thank you all for commenting. I have discussed this with my son regarding letting Student Services know about his "disability". Although I try and do downplay the disability with him ie: we really try not to see it as a disability. Yes he is 18 and an adult and let him make decisions, within reason, for himself. I do however pay his tuition and purchase books so I do have say so in his decisions. If he does not do well in his first semester at school we will then have to re-visit contacting Student Services. I will just have to wait and see. One of his instructors in English at this time may be a problem. He is not very clear on assignments..my son does not do well with unclear instructions. However it seems the whole class also did not seem to get what he was asking them to do. On his third day in class he berated the entire class on not doing an assignment the way he instructed them to do, (assignments are posted on-line) but it sounds like not a single one of them got it right. My son referred to that class as one of the worst days in a classroom ever.
jonas123
09-03-2009, 10:55 PM
Aspergers and Autism both really are dreadful disorders. I believe that they are probably the worst psychological disorders because when one has Aspergers or Autism, people will never really know the person's true potential. I have Asperger's Syndrome myself, and I hate it. I also have some other disorders but Asperger's is the worst one. This disorder only affects less than 1% of the entire population. I do not mean to sound dreadful or anything, I am just bored and have nothing else to say. I do need to start changing the way I think though, and then I will perhaps overcome Asperger's Syndrome.
kehorner
09-04-2009, 12:19 AM
Regarding the need for clear instructions... I actually have as one of my accommodations that I need clear concise instructions. Now, most teachers aren't going to rewrite their instructions because of that, but it's helpful for when I don't get something and keep asking for clarification, because the teacher understands that I really do need clarification.
In case you were wondering, the other accommodations I get are extended time on tests, testing in a quiet room, alternative format books (so I can have the computer read the book to me), assigned seat near the front of the class, and my service dog.
In case you were wondering, the other accommodations I get are extended time on tests, testing in a quiet room, alternative format books (so I can have the computer read the book to me), assigned seat near the front of the class, and my service dog.
Cathy01
09-05-2009, 07:38 PM
Yep, I think with the trouble my son is having with this English Professor has taught him a lesson. I reminded him that student services would be able to help him pick teachers that would work out better for him. He checked on-line rate your professors and his rating wasn't good to say the least. (not clear on assignments stood out the most, not organized or prepared for classes) I told him again it could only help him to speak with student services, certainly can't hurt and he can pick and choose just what he needs help with. For him it's mostly maybe extra time on tests, picking out a teacher that best suits him, not have to write, only on computer mostly (hand writting atrocious and laborious) possibly free tutoring if needed.
educateme808
09-08-2009, 05:01 PM
What may be helpful is to see if there are workshops occurring on campus. For example, organizational skills, time management, note taking etc... Is there a TRIO-SSS program on the campus. He may be eligible for additional FREE services (tutoring, mentoring, academic advising, etc...) I do hope he decides to see the ADA adviser and not wait until the last minute to receive appropriate academic accommodations. He may even qualify for a note taker, longer time on tests, etc... Whatever the ADA adviser would deem appropriate for your son and his disability.
Yep, I think with the trouble my son is having with this English Professor has taught him a lesson. I reminded him that student services would be able to help him pick teachers that would work out better for him. He checked on-line rate your professors and his rating wasn't good to say the least. (not clear on assignments stood out the most, not organized or prepared for classes) I told him again it could only help him to speak with student services, certainly can't hurt and he can pick and choose just what he needs help with. For him it's mostly maybe extra time on tests, picking out a teacher that best suits him, not have to write, only on computer mostly (hand writting atrocious and laborious) possibly free tutoring if needed.
Yep, I think with the trouble my son is having with this English Professor has taught him a lesson. I reminded him that student services would be able to help him pick teachers that would work out better for him. He checked on-line rate your professors and his rating wasn't good to say the least. (not clear on assignments stood out the most, not organized or prepared for classes) I told him again it could only help him to speak with student services, certainly can't hurt and he can pick and choose just what he needs help with. For him it's mostly maybe extra time on tests, picking out a teacher that best suits him, not have to write, only on computer mostly (hand writting atrocious and laborious) possibly free tutoring if needed.
educateme808
09-08-2009, 05:03 PM
You may even be eligible to receive power point presentations if the instructor has and uses them
educateme808
09-14-2009, 04:19 PM
How has your son been doing with college since your last blog? Has he sought academic accommodations from the campus ADA specialist? In the next few weeks (OCT) students will be hitting mid terms. How has he been preparing for that?
Cathy01
09-15-2009, 05:53 PM
So far so good. I did call Student Services. They don't have any openings and there is a waiting list, there was one at the beginning of the year so he wouldn't have gotten into the program anyway. He doesn't need direct services so he is doing ok. Says he is keeping up with all his classes, Phsych, math, English and a Physical Ed class. The only thing he may need more time for tests, but only took advantage of that a few times in High School, He gets stuck sometimes and can't move on. But is hasn't happened yet.
He is going to set up a appointment with a school councilor to help him pick teachers that would be better suited for him at least.
So far everything is working out. Keeping my fingers crossed.
He is going to set up a appointment with a school councilor to help him pick teachers that would be better suited for him at least.
So far everything is working out. Keeping my fingers crossed.
educateme808
09-21-2009, 04:01 PM
Glad to hear that he is already planning for the following semester. Yes, take advantage of various study skills workshops (time management, note taking, etc.....) As for academic accommodations, there should not be a wait list. If your child has a documented disability and requires academic accommodations, the institution by law has to provide what they deem is reasonable accommodations according to the individuals disability. So you might want to check on that. As I mentioned before, weather your child needs academic accommodations or not at this time. It is a good idea to have it in place just in case he needs it. For example, I have seen many of my students pass up on this and wait until something happens (i.e. midterms, exams, tests) and at the last minute scramble to get academic accommodations. Just food for thought. Again, glad to hear that you son is adjusting well to college. Keep the blog posted on his progress. Have a great week.
smithers
09-22-2009, 12:36 AM
Could you please tell me at what age you told your son he had aspergers. My son is 12 and we haven't told him yet but think it is about time we did.
Cathy01
09-22-2009, 10:05 AM
I think when he was in 5th or 6th grade, when he was 12 or 13. Of course we did to an extent when he was having all the tests done but not in such detail, I don't know if he would have understood so much when he was 9 or 10. When he was about 12 or 13 we explained in more detail and gave him some books to read, one by Tony Attwood and another written by a kid with Aspergers, can't remember who wrote it. He took it just fine and I think helped him understood himself more.
I have posted a bunch of stuff about him in the post below.
http://www.healthboards.com/boards/showthread.php?t=712194
I have posted a bunch of stuff about him in the post below.
http://www.healthboards.com/boards/showthread.php?t=712194
buddy27
10-06-2009, 02:26 AM
Please help
I am a parent that has volunteered to coach a Grade 7-8 Volleyball team at our school. One of the children on the team has aspergers. He yells at the other kids and myself all practice and is very confrontational. I am unsure how to deal with him. Do I ignore the behavior or do I explain to him that it is not appropriate. PLease help I feel very lost. I am worried that his behavior is ruining practice for all the other children and making it an unpleasent experience. I think it is good for him to be on the team so I am trying to make it work. PLease any advise would be a godsend.
I am a parent that has volunteered to coach a Grade 7-8 Volleyball team at our school. One of the children on the team has aspergers. He yells at the other kids and myself all practice and is very confrontational. I am unsure how to deal with him. Do I ignore the behavior or do I explain to him that it is not appropriate. PLease help I feel very lost. I am worried that his behavior is ruining practice for all the other children and making it an unpleasent experience. I think it is good for him to be on the team so I am trying to make it work. PLease any advise would be a godsend.
educateme808
10-06-2009, 06:09 AM
first of all it would help if you knew the child behavior plan or IEP. You could get this information from the childs parents From there you can assess the goals that the child has been working on. Mention to the parents the behaviors that has been taking place and see what can or has been done to address the concern. It may be that the child has not been corrected or his behaviors has not been addressed. In addition, the child may not know that what he is doing is inappropriate, especially if no one is redirecting or correcting inappropriate behaviors. You may want to have the teammates help redirect inappropriate behaviors or correct him as needed. If the child does have a skills trainer, then maybe the skills trainer could help at practices to address child's concerns until the other team mates can assist.
Cathy01
10-06-2009, 06:11 AM
To Buddy27
Sometimes they need to have the rules spelled out very clearly. Sit him down and tell him that he can't yell at the other kids or you, it will just not be tolerated. Have him sit on the bench if he does. My son had a lot of problems with loud sounds, would put him on edge, that may be whats going on, but never had outbursts like you are describing. Is he like this during school or with his parents. You should speak with parents and/or with someone in the school,if it is a school team, maybe they know how to deal with these outbursts. Tell him it is not fair to you or the other kids to be treated like this. Kids with Aspergers generally are rule followers and don't like to break them. Tell him if he feels the need to yell he needs to leave the gym until he feels he can participated in a civil manner, kind of a cooling off period for 5 minutes or until he can control himself.
Hopefully that helps. And no, you shouldn't ignore it. You need someone to back you up. Another coach or his parents need to help control that behavior.
Sometimes they need to have the rules spelled out very clearly. Sit him down and tell him that he can't yell at the other kids or you, it will just not be tolerated. Have him sit on the bench if he does. My son had a lot of problems with loud sounds, would put him on edge, that may be whats going on, but never had outbursts like you are describing. Is he like this during school or with his parents. You should speak with parents and/or with someone in the school,if it is a school team, maybe they know how to deal with these outbursts. Tell him it is not fair to you or the other kids to be treated like this. Kids with Aspergers generally are rule followers and don't like to break them. Tell him if he feels the need to yell he needs to leave the gym until he feels he can participated in a civil manner, kind of a cooling off period for 5 minutes or until he can control himself.
Hopefully that helps. And no, you shouldn't ignore it. You need someone to back you up. Another coach or his parents need to help control that behavior.
educateme808
11-03-2009, 03:00 PM
Cathy, how has your son been doing with midterms and preparing for finals and next semester?
Cathy01
11-13-2009, 02:10 PM
I guess o.k. He has been rather closed to me lately, I hope he is doing ok. He tells me he is. I have just found out something that explains why he won't register at school for possible help. It's just too upsetting right now to talk about and my son doesn't know I have read a paper he turned in to his english teacher about a month ago. Is having trust issues regarding his diagnosis and it being released to students in High School that explains why he is so distrustful. It all makes sense now. If he knew I was snooping and found out he would be even more distrustful. I don't know what to do.
luckystar
11-23-2009, 08:31 PM
I think when he was in 5th or 6th grade, when he was 12 or 13. Of course we did to an extent when he was having all the tests done but not in such detail, I don't know if he would have understood so much when he was 9 or 10. When he was about 12 or 13 we explained in more detail and gave him some books to read, one by Tony Attwood and another written by a kid with Aspergers, can't remember who wrote it. He took it just fine and I think helped him understood himself more.
I have posted a bunch of stuff about him in the post below.
http://www.healthboards.com/boards/showthread.php?t=712194
I think the book you are referring to is " Freaks Geeks and Asperger Syndrome" by Luke Jackson.....GREAT BOOK...i let my son read it in about 6th grade
I have posted a bunch of stuff about him in the post below.
http://www.healthboards.com/boards/showthread.php?t=712194
I think the book you are referring to is " Freaks Geeks and Asperger Syndrome" by Luke Jackson.....GREAT BOOK...i let my son read it in about 6th grade
luckystar
11-23-2009, 08:32 PM
My son is a senior this year and I dread college.....i am just not ready :(