TexLady
09-26-2003, 02:04 PM
I'm in menopause and have absolutely no libido whatsoever. I talked to my ob/gyn and she said since I wasn't having any other symptoms like hot flashes, she didn't want to put me on HRT.
I'd like to hear from others who have experienced this and what you did about it. At 54 I feel too young to just give up on sex.
I'd like to hear from others who have experienced this and what you did about it. At 54 I feel too young to just give up on sex.
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LR838
09-28-2003, 09:05 PM
I'm on naturally prescribed hormones that include testosterone.
I would say my libido is in full swing, thanks to the natural hormones (which our insurance plan cover, thank goodness).
This, despite 15 mg. per day of Lexapro (which doesn't exactly help the libido).
I would say my libido is in full swing, thanks to the natural hormones (which our insurance plan cover, thank goodness).
This, despite 15 mg. per day of Lexapro (which doesn't exactly help the libido).
Note
09-30-2003, 12:38 PM
I am 55 and have the same problem, however I was taking HRT, and that did not help. I have within the past two weeks stopped taking HRT due to a friend having a blood clot in her lung, linked back to HRT. This is a very hard decision for women to make; HRT or not. My reply to you is simply by taking HRT is did not help with my sexual urges, even though I am a "new bride of three years" second time around, and have a wonderful marriage. Good luck!
serenityelf
10-06-2003, 05:55 PM
My doctor told me if you don't use it, you'll lose it! I find that once we are making love, I'm into it. But with M you're tired and not really feeling well, so the desire can be less. When you do it anyway on a regular basis, I've found the desire comes back. The longer I go without it, the less desire I have.
beanies31
10-07-2003, 01:50 AM
I am on HRT, have been for 4 years and my libido is gone as well. I found my urges stopped just shortly after I was put on HRT, I have discussed this with my DR and we are now trying different doses, but so far nothing... :(
cutup
10-07-2003, 11:10 AM
I am 43 and not having hot flashes but was having vaginal dryness. I had a partial hysterectomy about 5 years ago. I had no desire for sex. I too was not ready to give up my sex life. HRT is not an option for me because I have had heart disease including heart bypass surgery. I began to have bleeding after sex sometimes for a day or two(like a pink show). Mentioned this during a gynecological visit and the doctor noticed thinning of the vaginal walls and bruising. She recommended estrogen cream inserted vaginally once a week. I was to use the smallest amount and gradually use more until I found a comfort zone and could notice improvement. It is made a world of difference for me. I have desire now in fact I have some very sexual dreams that I believe is due to the use of the estrogen cream. Now we are 43 and 45 so we are not having sex every night, but because the discomfort is gone now I'm having sex because I desire it not because I feel that I needed to for him and suffered through the discomfort. He was aware of the discomfort too and can tell such a difference now.
serenityelf
10-07-2003, 12:06 PM
Cutup: I found that drinking soy milk, at least one glass a day (try the flavored varieties..the rest taste bad) really, really helped the vaginal dryness and bleeding. In fact, it's gone, but if I don't drink the milk for 3 days or so, it's back.
cutup
10-07-2003, 02:38 PM
Thanks for the tip serenity. I'm not much of a milk drinker at all, but I've heard that the soy milk is better for the heart as well.
electfew
11-28-2003, 03:40 AM
My doctor switched me to Wellbutrin from Serzone ( they took that off the market). WOW, MY DESIRE INCREASED!!! It went from ok, to off the charts! I wondered why I felt that way, and asked a pharmacist if it could be the medication. He said YES! I looked it up online and found that the same thing was happening to lots of women who took it. Mostly it doesn't cause you to gain weight either, like some do. The euphoria lasted about 3 months, but my desire is still there, but under control.
cowgal
11-28-2003, 04:42 PM
Not on HRT either, borderline bp problems. Taking an estrogenic herbal blend and hot flashes have all but disappeared. Got on Cortislim and am sleeping. Was on Wellbutrin about 5 years ago but with no increase in libido. Have about 15 more pounds than I need but was 22 so I'm slowly getting rid of that. Still no increase in libido. Looks like if someone could come up with something as wonderful as Viagra for men that they would want to find something for women because who do the men taking Viagra have sex with-for the most part, us middle aged women. My husband's not been too bad but I do ask that he make an appt for sex at least a day ahead so that I can prepare myself mentally.
I agree with the tired and don't feel well but think there's something else going on. Were we programmed to stop wanting sex ages ago so that we wouldn't have babies if we lived to be this age? It really wasn't all that long ago that most women in the 50-something age were facing the end of their lives if they hadn't already died in childbirth. A hundred years ago, it was uncommon for any of us to reach our 90's. Not saying that's the way it has to be but you'd think researchers would be doing more in the way of enhancing a woman's sexual ability, capability. Puzzles me. I'd love to be able to take a pill and after a little lovin' from the hubby be ready to consumate the act. Don't know what the answer is but for those that aren't having problems, congrats. For the rest of us that are, I've not found any magical cures. Life gets in the way for some of us and some of us will have better marriages and others of us will end up divorced and still others will just keep on they way they've been living. I'm in the 1st and last both. Not feeling sorry for myself because I do have choices, just not ready to live with the consequences of those choices. No answers here but would like to hear from someone who had the problem and found a non-pharmaceutical cure.
I agree with the tired and don't feel well but think there's something else going on. Were we programmed to stop wanting sex ages ago so that we wouldn't have babies if we lived to be this age? It really wasn't all that long ago that most women in the 50-something age were facing the end of their lives if they hadn't already died in childbirth. A hundred years ago, it was uncommon for any of us to reach our 90's. Not saying that's the way it has to be but you'd think researchers would be doing more in the way of enhancing a woman's sexual ability, capability. Puzzles me. I'd love to be able to take a pill and after a little lovin' from the hubby be ready to consumate the act. Don't know what the answer is but for those that aren't having problems, congrats. For the rest of us that are, I've not found any magical cures. Life gets in the way for some of us and some of us will have better marriages and others of us will end up divorced and still others will just keep on they way they've been living. I'm in the 1st and last both. Not feeling sorry for myself because I do have choices, just not ready to live with the consequences of those choices. No answers here but would like to hear from someone who had the problem and found a non-pharmaceutical cure.
electfew
11-28-2003, 10:00 PM
Hi cowgal- I believe I saw on tv that there is a pill for women to use that is the equivalent of Viagra. I have also heard that women can take it and it will help them also. I would ask my doctor about that. My husband periodically takes Viagra because the Paxil takes away his desire. The ins. co. pays for both. He doesn't always need it tho, which is nice. About 70% or so of women who take Wellbutrin experience what I did. We deserve the right to be happy in our sex lives as well as every other area in our lives. There are some natural substances I saw that claim to work, but I don't know of them personally. It is also known that women reach their sexual peak in their 40's, when men reach it at about 19. I felt the opposite of you, even before the Wellbutrin. When the kids leave the nest, you both realize that you now have the two of you only, and can act like honeymooners again! It's almost forgotten how to cook for 2 anymore, but with time and a little help for the libido and maybe a negligee or 2, it can work. This is the time we experience empty nest syndrome, but when that passes, its when we realize we have the freedom to do what we want in our own homes. Menopause is a drag in the fact that it can kill desire, but we don't have to let it. We don't have to worry anymore about pregnancy and thats a load off the mind to be more free and creative. Its sad to make an appt. for love, and at first I resented the Viagra for him. I liked spontaneity, and now he says ok, just let me go and take it. You have to give it a half hour or so to work. That gives you time to woo him with candles, some romantic music, etc. It's all the attitude and the desire to make it work. You are never too old to desire close affection. If its any consolation, I am 47 and feel honestly that at this point in time, I enjoy it more than I ever did.
cowgal
12-01-2003, 05:14 PM
Thanks for the kind words, Electfew. Trouble with the empy nest syndrome is that we never nested, i.e. never had children. Always just been the 2 of us, my job and our business. Over the years we've had mutual friends, separate friends and separate activities. He's into motorcycles and I'm glad, I just don't want to be the boy-toy sitting on the back fighting the wind like a dog with it's head out the car window at 70 mph. He's really against me getting my own bike so I welcome him to go do his thing, just not to expect me to follow him around. We are good business partners but in the process have let our marriage fall by the wayside. I asked him a while back why he was still married to me and the answer was "because I have to be". That's probably what's more wrong in the bedroom than actual physical ailments. He's a diabetic and has been on bp meds for 20 years so he's had to use the Viagra since it became available. Don't get me wrong because I love and respect this man. I'm just not too interested in having sex with him or anyone else at this point in my life. Mom says I'm just like my great-grandma, trying to become the matriarch while the patriarch is still kicking. Just know I'm gonna probably way outlive my mate and am trying to get a grip on everything to do with the business so that I can continue on my own if I have to. I'm at the point where I want to get debt paid down and put some back for retirement and I probably take life waaaaaayyyyyyy too seriously but I'm so focused on what's going on with the business that I don't want to be bothered with anything else, including a marriage. I know a lot of women our age that are facing these type issues with their husbands, it's just at my house the shoes are on the other feet. The husband's always working, she's at home without the kids and there's only so much banana bread she can bake and only so many rooms in the house to redecorate. I've taken on more responsibility than I probably should have but I've seen other women in my family widowed and forced to sell a lot of what they've owned because they couldn't maintain the income brought in by the husbands. That doesn't have direct relation to the libido thing but I hope you can understand where I'm at.
It just makes me resentful toward the pharmaceutical industry that there's no sexual enhancement drug for women. I DID try his Viagra with no luck on 3 different occasions, I HAVE tried the herbal formula Avlimil for women with no luck-took it for 2 months, I HAVE tried the creams that they advertise "to enhance the sexual experience" and they are a lot like using a mild version of Bengay on your genitals. Perhaps I just need a new life. Winning the lottery would solve one set of problems but might give me a set of new ones. And making arrangements for a "date night", that's how we refer to it, is not all that bad. It keeps me focused on what I have to do for that day and I try to schedule things around the upcoming evening. Maybe when I'm 70 I'll have slowed down enough to relax and enjoy a healthy sex life. Viagra will still be around for him.
Again, thanks for the kind words and I'm really happy for those of you that are finding excitement inside your relationships at our ages. So many of us divorce when we get to this stage and we should really have the worst behind us. Love your man and enjoy yourself. thnks, cg
It just makes me resentful toward the pharmaceutical industry that there's no sexual enhancement drug for women. I DID try his Viagra with no luck on 3 different occasions, I HAVE tried the herbal formula Avlimil for women with no luck-took it for 2 months, I HAVE tried the creams that they advertise "to enhance the sexual experience" and they are a lot like using a mild version of Bengay on your genitals. Perhaps I just need a new life. Winning the lottery would solve one set of problems but might give me a set of new ones. And making arrangements for a "date night", that's how we refer to it, is not all that bad. It keeps me focused on what I have to do for that day and I try to schedule things around the upcoming evening. Maybe when I'm 70 I'll have slowed down enough to relax and enjoy a healthy sex life. Viagra will still be around for him.
Again, thanks for the kind words and I'm really happy for those of you that are finding excitement inside your relationships at our ages. So many of us divorce when we get to this stage and we should really have the worst behind us. Love your man and enjoy yourself. thnks, cg
electfew
12-03-2003, 01:01 AM
Hi cowgal- I've been thinking about your reply for the last 2 days. The only honest conclusion I can come to is that it must be psychological. I have to give you kudos for trying so many things which show your sincerity. If you have tried everything at your disposal and it doesn't work, there has to be something more. I don't remember if you said you had a hysterectomy. If so, that could have a lot to do with this. I am lost, and other than the exhaustion of your business or a psychological reason, can't come up with any new answers. My husband worked as a security guard about 20 yrs. ago at a nursing home and he heard some noise in a room. He went to check and found a man and a woman easily in their 80's getting it on. We were in our late 20's at the time, and he said, hey babe- just think, when we get that old, it won't be gone! Other than physical problems like Diabetes, or whatever is out there that can impede our desire or performance, we should be ok. I know things like rape and abuse can hurt our natural desire. It's amazing to me how our childhood can influence our adulthood. I hope you can work this out and I wish you the best.