I am 21 years old and have been experiencing problems down there for quite a while... or think I have. My first sexual experience was with a very good girlfriend of mine; we tried sex about three times in one setting but I went limp at the most important moment of course. Other then that I seemed normal back then. After that I had this fear that this would happen every time. It's like worse then fear of dying for me almost. ANyway, that was threee years ago. I've moved away to a different country and haven';t seen her since but since then I had that unconfidence in myself. I had one sexual attempt, with some girl, probably a sex worker but didn't try to charge me. I was hard as we were getting ready but then lost it again. I was also drunk off my ass but still I was depressed for days after that. I felt and still feel like not a man. It's the worst thing that can happen. Anyway, now I am going back to the place I've come from and my old girlfriend is waiting for me apparantly. This summer I'll be there. But now I have this paranoia that I just can't get it up, and the embarassment and fear of "what if something goes wrong" just eats me alive".
I have done some drugs in past but have totally clean for about a year. I do get morning erections, but it always seems to me that they are not strong enough or not long enough. How long does a normal morning erection usually last? Mine is usually around 5 minutes and it kind of comes and goes. I also don't get any erections throughout the day, unless something really turns me on. That has to do with smoking I think, cause when I quit for 6 months last year, I popped a hard on like every hour for no reason whatsoever. During masturbation I seem to be okay. I am a virgin still, is that a part of it you think? Do you think my problem is physical or psychological? Any advice??? Am I just paranoid?
If this embarassment happens with this girl I love again I will probably kill myself. Although she has been very understanding...
Please help me out here guys...

Hey bud, any alcohol, tobacco or pot can cause the lil one to not want to come out and play. I think what is going on here is totally psychological. One of the worst things that can happen to us (and it happens to all of us at some time) is for the lil one to refuse to stay ready for action. What's worse is exactly what you are describing....you begin to worry if this will happen and that makes it so much worse. You can overcome this but it may take some time and a little patience. Try to use lots of foreplay and even some masturbation...don't expect too much. Its almost like you have to forget that you have a *****...focus on her and her needs, take it slow and I bet things will be fine. Try to lay off of the masturbation for a few days before you see her....NO alcohol or anything that day. You're not impotent...just a bit fearful of the same thing happening...and first times mean nerves as well. Main thing I could say is to keep your cool and try to focus on present....not past!

I agree with the above post. If she really loves you sex is only a small part of the relationship. If when it comes time for the lil guy to come out and play it does not work just hold her and kiss her , she should feel bad for you , you said she under stands . Let her know you plan to see a doctor about your problem and then go see a doctor.