Okay, how do I get my man into foreplay?? I always try to get it started that way but he just wants to get right to the deed! It's like he's worried it's not going to happen or something. I asked him about it and he just said he doesn't have the patients for it. But yet like any guy loves getting a blow job, I just don't get play in return, it goes right to sex, which isn't bad by any means, it just really takes me awhile to get into it because I have a really hard time getting an orgasm...any suggestions? Male and female options would be very much appreciated!! :wave:

If he doesn't have the patience for it then there is not much you can do about it. He is not likely to change.

Your man is being selfish. He should be interested in you as much as he is in himself.

He will have more pleasure if his wife is aroused fully.

If it is a boyfriend, this should send up red flags to you. What goes on in the bedroom could be the way he is or will be regarding other things, selfish. Something to think about.

Your man is being selfish. He should be interested in you as much as he is in himself.

He will have more pleasure if his wife is aroused fully.

If it is a boyfriend, this should send up red flags to you. What goes on in the bedroom could be the way he is or will be regarding other things, selfish. Something to think about.

Couldn't agree more here.

Guys either terribly insecure or terribly selfish.

For me, I'd rather spend an hour making my wife feel good and enjoying herself. But that's just me.

I've always looked at this way, "You only get back what you put in". If he's not willing to put effort into lovemaking then is it worth it?

If he isn't going to take the time to make sure you feel good before him then he's absolutely not worth your time. You know you have a keeper when he spends all of his time making sure you're taken care of first. But you know you have a dud and a loser if he doesn't care at all about your pleasure and just cares about his own (like this so-called man of yours). Sorry, that's not a man, that's a little boy who never learned about sex. I'll bet he's probably not even that good, he probably knows it and that's why he doesn't want you to find out.

The big thing is he also says that in past relationships he so very rarely got any and/or always was rejected that he just didn't get into it and that he would just go at it and that's it, never took his time. He's really a wonderful guy other than this. I tried talking to him after reading all your posts and now is all frustrated and worried something's wrong with him and he did try but it's like I don't know if he just don't know what he's doing....it's like all he knows how to do is have sex. Is this something that some men just never learn?

Relationships are very much an evolution and learning process by both partners. It's possible he may not know much about female anatomy and how to stimulate those areas where sexual arousal is increased.

Start slow. If there is a real chance of a long term relationship don't try to overload him and make him feel inadequate. Try to get him to take some time to just explore your body and let him find out for himself what turns you on and what doesn't. Naturally you're going to guide him but let him feel like he's in control. Once he learns what you like you may never get him to stop. Confidence is a powerful tool.

Relationships are very much an evolution and learning process by both partners. It's possible he may not know much about female anatomy and how to stimulate those areas where sexual arousal is increased.

Start slow. If there is a real chance of a long term relationship don't try to overload him and make him feel inadequate. Try to get him to take some time to just explore your body and let him find out for himself what turns you on and what doesn't. Naturally you're going to guide him but let him feel like he's in control. Once he learns what you like you may never get him to stop. Confidence is a powerful tool.

Ok so coming from a guy what's the best way to go about starting it?

Wham Bam Thank You Mam!!! Some men just don't understand that it could take up to 25 minutes for a woman to get aroused and near orgasm. What if you self stimulate yourself prior? I can't let my man stimulate me because it doesn't feel the same because I need to know what I'm going to be feeling so my brain connects with my body.

Ok so coming from a guy what's the best way to go about starting it?

Try telling him how much you'd love a message before you guys have sex. Get some nice fragranced oils. Tell him how much that would turn you on. Let him explore some.

Don't just give in when he want intercourse. If he cares about wanting to make you feel good tell him that this would and that there's no right or wrong way, just his way.

[[BThe big thing is he also says that in past relationships he so very rarely got any and/or always was rejected that he just didn't get into it and that he would just go at it and that's it, never took his time[/B

That sounds like a big cop put to me. I have only known 1 woman who didn't care for foreplay but she didn't like sex either. No woman who likes sexual pleasure is ever going to refuse foreplay. There's more to partnerned sex than just sticking it in you so by my terms and definition, he doesn't know how to have partnerned sex either!
If he's worth anything and wants to have a meaningfull long term relationship with a woman, not only can he learn but he will learn or else be pretty lonely.

The big thing is he also says that in past relationships he so very rarely got any and/or always was rejected that he just didn't get into it and that he would just go at it and that's it, never took his time. He's really a wonderful guy other than this. I tried talking to him after reading all your posts and now is all frustrated and worried something's wrong with him and he did try but it's like I don't know if he just don't know what he's doing....it's like all he knows how to do is have sex. Is this something that some men just never learn?

How old is he? If he is very young, this would be more understandable, although it looks like a bit of selfishness, anyway, what do I know? While you are in the lovemaking, can't you ask him to do this or that to you - such as kissing here or touching there - so you can divert his attention from the genital area? Even if you are not having an orgasm while he is kissing or touching you on a certain area or spot, praise him for doing it and tell him you are having so much pleasure.

Yes, I agree: sex is not something men learn at birth. We all need to go through some experience before we are totally ready for it, and often the woman has to be our main guide and timekeeper.

He's 26, and hasn't had a lot of partners which I'm not complaining about but at the same time it's like I keep trying to get to do things and he has been getting better and at least trying them but he's really...how do I say this...fumbling with it....is the only way I can describe it...I guess I just always thought, well from prior experience that men just knew how to do this stuff:confused:

He's 26, and hasn't had a lot of partners which I'm not complaining about but at the same time it's like I keep trying to get to do things and he has been getting better and at least trying them but he's really...how do I say this...fumbling with it....is the only way I can describe it...I guess I just always thought, well from prior experience that men just knew how to do this stuff:confused:

Trust me. Most of us still don't know a whole lot.

Best we can do is try. If he's willing to do that, experience in what makes you feel good will come.

\I guess I just always thought, well from prior experience that men just knew how to do this stuff:confused:

LOL! Really? Not hardly! The only guys who actually know what they're doing and are good at it are the ones who have taken the time to read up on it, experiment with the women they've been with and talked openly with their partner about what they enjoy and what they don't. We've got different parts, they know full well how to use theirs but they have a really hard time figuring ours out unless they take the time to educate themselves about it!

LOL! Really? Not hardly! The only guys who actually know what they're doing and are good at it are the ones who have taken the time to read up on it, experiment with the women they've been with and talked openly with their partner about what they enjoy and what they don't. We've got different parts, they know full well how to use theirs but they have a really hard time figuring ours out unless they take the time to educate themselves about it!

Suggestions on things books?

Aha, another question about him. How does he eat his food? The way a person eats their food tells you a lot about the way ... they are ... in bed (love-making). Really. If he eats too fast, if he doesn't chew his food, if he really doesn't taste it and enjoy it, chances are that he won't be a great lover. Maybe he could start by learning how to really enjoy his meals. Slowly. Maybe that would teach him some important lessons about sex.

OK - I have lots of suggestions for you on this. (Good topic btw as many guys don't know what they're doing but the "man" in them doesn't ever want to admit that) So I'm going to start by firing off some ideas that I would appreciate from a guys perspective and if you let me know what you think would work in your relationship then I can expound upon them if needed.

bondage: Offer to him that you want to try it out, to tie him up and let yourself be in control. If he's ok with not being in control in the bed, then you can guide him to what you want very easily (as he'll be tied up) and that can get you worked up. Then you can let him experience the joy of having a woman that is fully excited.

semi-bondage: Mabye he won't want to be tied down. Try just a covering his eyes so he can't see what you are "presenting" to him to enjoy. Again, it's another method of teaching him what you want without telling him he needs to learn something in bed. If it's questionable offer him an exchange - he wear the blindfold the first time, you will wear it the next time. Let's face it, you know what he's going to give you any way so the only thing he can do is pleasantly suprise you will foreplay right?

Movies: What guy doesn't like porn? Offer to rent a movie with him. Do so research (check out the local pron movie shop first) and find something that looks like it will have lots of foreplay in it. Then ask for some of it as it shows on the screen.

Books: If he's open to it, ask if you can buy the two of you a book. Offer to try out a new position during sex - one that he picks, but ask him if he wouldn't mind doing something else first for you.

Toys: Buy some sex toys. Maybe one for you and one for him. Take turns trying them out on each other. This could be a great way to introduce foreplay. But make sure he's ok with it first.

Without knowing your man and his "hangups" (all men have them) it's tough to know what the sore spot with foreplay is. From what you've posted I'd guess he just doesn't feel confident with his skills. Depending on how loud you are as a couple maybe provide some positive feedback during the few seconds of foreplay that you do get (even if you need to fake it a bit) this may be the confidence boost that he needs to let him know that he does more than just in/out right. No matter what - if foreplay is an issue, I'd suggest you don't use the words "foreplay" or "play" at any time - even in everyday discussion about the topic. It's a negative connotation word for him. Instead be graphic about what you'd like him to do to you. When a woman opens up and says what she wants in bed it's usually a turn-on for the guy (IMhumbleO).

Beyond that, and don't take this negatively, but the overall problem indicates either a communication issue, or lack of compromise in your relationship to some degree. Don't get angry .... from a guys open and honest paradigm here: all guys have communication issues. We are hard-wired with them. And, most new marriage/relationships have a lack of compromise as well, again a hard-wiring issue in the human complex. The end answer for both is maturity. As men mature (at least women hope they do - right?) they will learn the benefits to communication. And as a relationship matures the balance of compromise is attained. Both both require patience, perserverance, understanding, compassion, and out-of-the-box thinking to overcome. Keep at it, and keep us informed. The more you understand your significant other's paradigm (his history, his perspective, and how he thinks) the better you can tailor your approach to this issue so it will be received the way you intend it.

And bottome line - don't give up on being intimate over it all. That will crush any hopes you have. At the worst, you may need to heat youself up a bit first, then include him (with or without his knowledge). If you get yourself excited, and he reaps the benefits and is in tune with you enough to acknowledge the difference in experience then you've shown him the potential and then you just need to find the best way to explain what you've done.

That was very informative and thank you very much I'm definitely going to jump into trying those one by one and see if anything sparks something. I'm open for trying anything so, something gotta work right? I appreciate, thanks again!! :)