God I have become the woman that I never wanted to be. Not only is this depression/anxiety a destroyer of health it turns me into a whiney hysterical witch! My husband loves me but he placates me and that makes it even worse. I am too tired to breathe yet if I try to fall asleep and do I will be stumbling around here in the wee hours really feeling the aloneness. I am beaten down physically and emotionally and I just want to scream for "SOMEONE TO HELP ME!" I cannot see myself in the future or even next week and it is horrible. I cannot fake it anymore--I've been playing the "as if" game to keep up appearances but too tired to do that any more. I have "as ifed" it through this past year. I have seen this coming and I cannot believe that I let myself get to this point. I am so scared of this night when my husband leaves in an hour for work. Please say a prayer for me!! Candee

Candee,

Just when I thought I was on the right track, it all came flying back into my face last night. I went to bed and my fear of dying took hold and wouldn't let go. I am convinced that the twithcing I have is a fatal disease. I too got hot flashes last night, (it could have been the zoloft, but I feared I was dying.)I have no faith in my doctors, I am afraid all the time (going on 4 months), I am consumed with the thought of dying every second I am alone! The distractions work on the short term, but I really need help too! I can't bear the thought of feeling this way much longer. No one really understands how I feel. They nod and tell me I'll be fine. But I don't believe them. I can't shake these feelings. If my kids get sick, I fear the worst. If anyone I love gets sick, I fear the worst. If they go out, and I hear an ambulance, I fear the worst. I fear everything! This board has been my lifeline, yet also I have found it can make me worry. Will I get the same sypmtoms someone else has? Will I have the same bad experience?

I am hoping VERY much that you feel better soon. I'd like to hear from more of us on our good days! It makes me feel like there is hope!

Kim

gawd how i know EXACTLY what you are talking about. and boy does it feel good to not feel alone ;o)
i am 18 years old...i've been depressed since i was about 8...seeing no doctors...no medication...nothing.
i prolly have the worst depression and anxiety i have ever seen in my life.
i am 5'3 and 88 pounds...i weight 105 when i was 12 and ever since the depression and anxiety got bad...i've lost weight...and am on the verge of being hospitalized http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/redface.gif\
its destroyed me physically..i am so skinny i look sick...my body rejects all the nutrition my body gets cuz my brain works so much and i worry so much that it burns all the calories i get.
i FREAK OUT about dying and being sick. its horrible...i get so scared that i freak out when i'm left by myself cuz i'm scared i will die or get sick and i worry the whole time.
i am now having heart problems because of it.
i never thought it would affect my relationships...but i dont ever leave my house because of my anxiety and how bad it is and i have no relationships with my friends. i met my boyfriend when i was 15...still together now that we are both 18 and 19 and talked about getting married. and right now...he is completely fed up with me and all the drama i cause because i'm so emotional and blow up about things.
ugh. its the most horrible thing ever and it makes me sad to know that other people have to go through it.
the doctor gave me prozac...and told me to get counseling...but i refuse to take the prozac. (i'm scared of throwing up...HUGE phobia ;o) so i'm doing this on my own. its tough.
if you find any way out of this. let me know. haha cuz right now...i think i'm just gonna die. hehe
good luck with everything!!!
-jackie

Hi Candee,

That's enough putting yourself down, young lady http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/nono.gif



[This message has been edited by chrysanthemum (edited 01-03-2003).]