shari1359
01-22-2003, 02:29 PM
I'm very worried about my 25 YO sister and her behavior. I've noticed bizare/abnormal behavior in the past, but it is getting worse as she gets older.
She started stealing at the age of 8. She has stolen from stores, friends and family.
She babysat once for me years ago and her idea of doing this was locking the kids in their rooms for the day.
She purposefully locked her cat in the basement until it died. She starved her pet turtle to death.
If someone appears to have wronged her in any way, she will go out of her way to be sure this person is "punished". If she is working with someone she doesn't like, even if there is no reason, she will bully them until they quit, She will even stage elaborate schemes to get them fired.
She makes "hate lists". She targets one person, whether it be an acquaintence or someone she works with, and write lists about how awful this person is. Example: There was a coworker at her last job she hated. She made an extensive list of every single time this person was late to work, what things she did wrong during her shift, etc. She typed all of this up when she quit this job and sent it to management.
She has made remarks in the past six months about HATING people in general. She says all people are idiots and know nothing. She has only one friend. She has never had a boyfriend. She says she will never get married and never have children because "they are stupid".
I have tried telling her she needs counseling and perhaps some medication or dietary changes, but she refuses. I don't know what else to do here. My conversations with her and becoming increasingly frightening to me. Any advice would be greatly appreciated! Thanks!
She started stealing at the age of 8. She has stolen from stores, friends and family.
She babysat once for me years ago and her idea of doing this was locking the kids in their rooms for the day.
She purposefully locked her cat in the basement until it died. She starved her pet turtle to death.
If someone appears to have wronged her in any way, she will go out of her way to be sure this person is "punished". If she is working with someone she doesn't like, even if there is no reason, she will bully them until they quit, She will even stage elaborate schemes to get them fired.
She makes "hate lists". She targets one person, whether it be an acquaintence or someone she works with, and write lists about how awful this person is. Example: There was a coworker at her last job she hated. She made an extensive list of every single time this person was late to work, what things she did wrong during her shift, etc. She typed all of this up when she quit this job and sent it to management.
She has made remarks in the past six months about HATING people in general. She says all people are idiots and know nothing. She has only one friend. She has never had a boyfriend. She says she will never get married and never have children because "they are stupid".
I have tried telling her she needs counseling and perhaps some medication or dietary changes, but she refuses. I don't know what else to do here. My conversations with her and becoming increasingly frightening to me. Any advice would be greatly appreciated! Thanks!
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franjo
01-23-2003, 03:05 AM
I agree with your concern. Sounds like alot of anger going on, but even angry people generally don't lock up their cats until they die. Your sister needs to seek out some help, but she doesn't sound like the type who would take that advice easily.
My sister is bi-polar with some other personality disorders. She is also a recovering addict. In our case, there came a point where I had to remove myself from the situation because she would not get help. We had tried everything we knew how to get her to see that she needed a psyche eval. There always seemed to be a chaos surrounding everything she did. She seemed to thrive on it. And if things got too calm, she'd create her own mini tornadoes. She finally did seek help, but only after we stepped back and let her find the bottom.
I understand the feeling of wanting to MAKE someone you love get help. Wouldn't it be nice if it really worked that way? Does anyone else in your family share your concerns? It may take everyone in the family to get involved in trying to get her to seek some help. But the truth is, she has to decide that that is what SHE wants to do before any real benefits can be had.
I'm very disturbed about the cat thing. And I don't even care too much for cats anyway. But that incident in itself is a BIG red flag. Are you the only one who knows about this?
-franjo
My sister is bi-polar with some other personality disorders. She is also a recovering addict. In our case, there came a point where I had to remove myself from the situation because she would not get help. We had tried everything we knew how to get her to see that she needed a psyche eval. There always seemed to be a chaos surrounding everything she did. She seemed to thrive on it. And if things got too calm, she'd create her own mini tornadoes. She finally did seek help, but only after we stepped back and let her find the bottom.
I understand the feeling of wanting to MAKE someone you love get help. Wouldn't it be nice if it really worked that way? Does anyone else in your family share your concerns? It may take everyone in the family to get involved in trying to get her to seek some help. But the truth is, she has to decide that that is what SHE wants to do before any real benefits can be had.
I'm very disturbed about the cat thing. And I don't even care too much for cats anyway. But that incident in itself is a BIG red flag. Are you the only one who knows about this?
-franjo
franjo
01-23-2003, 03:23 AM
One more thing...I've just come back from the Personality Disorder board and found some posts that sound alot like the description of your sister as far as the hate she expresses. Crowsun is the topic starter, titled "Borderline Personality Disorder".
-franjo
-franjo
Autumn Angel
01-23-2003, 12:13 PM
Seems there is alot of hate and anger there she wants to make all beings suffer. People and animals she could have went to jail for the cat and the turtle thats just plain inhumane.
She needs help before she seriously hurts a person. Its not only her safety at stake here but the safety of those she comes in contact with.
She needs help before she seriously hurts a person. Its not only her safety at stake here but the safety of those she comes in contact with.
Jennita
01-23-2003, 05:10 PM
Wow. She has issues big time. She does seem to not be right mentally. Did she ever take any amphetamines or other types of drugs in her life that you know of? Maybe she had some experiences of trauma or drugs that lead to this detachment of feelings for others and loss of respect for life(the animals)? Whatever, she needs help or she will do something horrible one day. Somebody forgot to teach her about boundries. Her actions will cause her to end up in jail or somebody might come along who will not take what she is dishing and decide to maybe harm her....in any case this is a dangerous way to live.
Kathrin
01-24-2003, 01:53 AM
It does sound like she might have a personality disorder. I tend to be cautious with those though because somehow it doesn't seem very reliable to classify people's behavior like that...
I agree that she needs help. I believe there is a good center in all of us, and we need to help those who are held captive by fear and anger access that core.
Maybe with continued encouragement she will agree to counseling.
That one friend she has... how is that person like?
Kathrin
p.s. How old are YOU?
I agree that she needs help. I believe there is a good center in all of us, and we need to help those who are held captive by fear and anger access that core.
Maybe with continued encouragement she will agree to counseling.
That one friend she has... how is that person like?
Kathrin
p.s. How old are YOU?
pinkcat
01-24-2003, 03:10 AM
call your local mental health facility and/or hospital psychiatric unit and tell someone your concerns. it is not normal to treat animals like that. you need to speak to a specialist in human deviant behavior. best wishes to you.
shari1359
01-24-2003, 12:50 PM
I am 35 and my sister is 25. There is an EXTENSIVE history of mental health issues in our family. Our dad's mother had severe depression and my dad's father used to have hallucinations. My father has a temper and "talks to people" when he's alone. I, myself, have had two nervous breakdowns requiring hospitalization and TEN YEARS of psychiatric therapy. I took the highest dose of Prozac available and multiple anti-psychotics.
I am fine today. Through careful monitoring of my behavior (with my husband's help), watching my diet and exercising, I've been drug-free for two years now.
I'm almost certain my sister's behavior is not only attributable to genetics, but to her/our childhood also. She and I were victims of physical and emotional abuse at the hands of both of our parents. I am a victim of sexual abuse by my father. My sister has never documented that she was sexually abused.
Our parents divorced when she was about 8 years old (I was 18). My father cleaned out all of the savings and checking accounts when he left, leaving us to survive literally peniless with my mother. My father has had sporadic contact with my sister over the years, but over the last 5-6 has had no contact whatsoever. She will never forgive him.
My sister was a classic latch-key child. She would come home from school at the age of 10 alone and be alone for hours. My mother met an alcoholic and spent most evenings at the bar with him, leaving my sister alone. I tried to get custody of my sister, but, the more I tried, the more MY OWN psychiatric condition worsened and I had to stop.
My success with DIET AND EXERCISE has been my whole hope and a prayer answered for the many "dark years" I was chained with depression and post-traumatic stress disorder. I have survived. I try to point out to my sister who great life can be and she doesn't need to be so angry. I don't talk to her much because she is so angry and she scares me. I really don't want to cut off all contact, but, what else am I supposed to do?
Sorry for the long message, I just felt all of the readers needed some sort of background here.
I am fine today. Through careful monitoring of my behavior (with my husband's help), watching my diet and exercising, I've been drug-free for two years now.
I'm almost certain my sister's behavior is not only attributable to genetics, but to her/our childhood also. She and I were victims of physical and emotional abuse at the hands of both of our parents. I am a victim of sexual abuse by my father. My sister has never documented that she was sexually abused.
Our parents divorced when she was about 8 years old (I was 18). My father cleaned out all of the savings and checking accounts when he left, leaving us to survive literally peniless with my mother. My father has had sporadic contact with my sister over the years, but over the last 5-6 has had no contact whatsoever. She will never forgive him.
My sister was a classic latch-key child. She would come home from school at the age of 10 alone and be alone for hours. My mother met an alcoholic and spent most evenings at the bar with him, leaving my sister alone. I tried to get custody of my sister, but, the more I tried, the more MY OWN psychiatric condition worsened and I had to stop.
My success with DIET AND EXERCISE has been my whole hope and a prayer answered for the many "dark years" I was chained with depression and post-traumatic stress disorder. I have survived. I try to point out to my sister who great life can be and she doesn't need to be so angry. I don't talk to her much because she is so angry and she scares me. I really don't want to cut off all contact, but, what else am I supposed to do?
Sorry for the long message, I just felt all of the readers needed some sort of background here.
Jennita
01-24-2003, 06:38 PM
What a inspiring story! You have over-come alot! If only your sister would take notice; but some people can't seem to overcome such things. I wonder why such abusive people even bother having children. Well, so goes life; I remember something from the movie Parenthood where the character played by Keanu Reeves talks about his abusive father. He talked about needing licenses for so many things in life; to drive a car, get married even to catch a fish....but they let any a****** become a father.
It's sad how some people bring life into the world and yet have no respect for it. Well, I'm glad you are ok now.... good luck with your sister maybe she will realize the good life you have can be possible for her too someday. God Bless!
It's sad how some people bring life into the world and yet have no respect for it. Well, I'm glad you are ok now.... good luck with your sister maybe she will realize the good life you have can be possible for her too someday. God Bless!
theJap
01-25-2003, 09:16 PM
SHARI: If someone appears to have wronged her in any way, she will go out of her way to be sure this person is "punished".
you also say that your paretns divorced around the time she started to steal. also you were abused, and MOST likely she was too. If you want quick and freeprofessional help, dont call loveline (internet search it if you dont know what that is), unless you just want to be amused. Instead, call Dr Joy Brown in NYC. look up her number.
you also say that your paretns divorced around the time she started to steal. also you were abused, and MOST likely she was too. If you want quick and freeprofessional help, dont call loveline (internet search it if you dont know what that is), unless you just want to be amused. Instead, call Dr Joy Brown in NYC. look up her number.
theJap
01-25-2003, 09:18 PM
one more thing,i don think your sister has a personality disorder, just severely conflicted.