I was raised in a place where u get killed for changing belief. A career successful but mentally screwed up dad and a chronically depressed mom taught me a bunch of 1400 year old crap and made me believe( basically through phyical punishment)that these are facts. Outside home it was a prison environment, i never talked to or known any females except my mom, sisters, and relatives. I was in situations where i'm fighting older ****s that are hittin me so hard that im so close to pass out and get raped as early as 12. I had to get in a fight for everyday so nobody looks at me as a sex object. I was never sexually abused, i defended myself well i guess. I came to realize that all i was taught is nonsense when i was about 15. Ive been getting high and doin nothing to improve my situation since then. Now im 19 and i lack very basic social skills, have developed bad mental habits, and have regular urges to commit suicide. I have a serious problem talking about personal things face to face with anybody, i just cant do it, the few times i tryed i failed and people thought im crazy cause my words didnt make sense. i really think it is time to get professional help but it is hard for me for this reason. Thank u for reading, i feel better already typing these stuff, any tips for starting mental treatment will be appreciated.