I was raised in a place where u get killed for changing belief. A career successful but mentally screwed up dad and a chronically depressed mom taught me a bunch of 1400 year old crap and made me believe( basically through phyical punishment)that these are facts. Outside home it was a prison environment, i never talked to or known any females except my mom, sisters, and relatives. I was in situations where i'm fighting older ****s that are hittin me so hard that im so close to pass out and get raped as early as 12. I had to get in a fight for everyday so nobody looks at me as a sex object. I was never sexually abused, i defended myself well i guess. I came to realize that all i was taught is nonsense when i was about 15. Ive been getting high and doin nothing to improve my situation since then. Now im 19 and i lack very basic social skills, have developed bad mental habits, and have regular urges to commit suicide. I have a serious problem talking about personal things face to face with anybody, i just cant do it, the few times i tryed i failed and people thought im crazy cause my words didnt make sense. i really think it is time to get professional help but it is hard for me for this reason. Thank u for reading, i feel better already typing these stuff, any tips for starting mental treatment will be appreciated.

Mis-wording or lack of people who can relate? I always thought these boards contained so many people somebody must know what you are talking about, and my english is not so bad i guess.

Hello,

I tried to reply a while ago but unfortunately my user name was banned because I violated some rule (posted an email address somewhere, not thinking).

I really think it is great you came here for help, that is already the first step.
I agree that seeking professional help is a good idea. It is no fun to suffer like that! And also, when depressive feelings take overhand they can become quite dangerous (suicidal thoughts etc).

Where are some places you COULD go? At your school or college if you go to one? A primary care physician? A clinic nearby?

Kathrin

If you have trouble expressing your feelings copy down your first post and take it to your doctor and let him read it. If he or she is any good they will be able to get you started in the right direction for the treatment you need [if any] Hope this helps.

------------------
Grumpy