ebonyrose
09-21-2003, 10:00 AM
hi i have replied to a couple of posts, but i thought i might ask you guys for help. i have many mental illnesses, they range from depression, self harm, phycosis, anxiety/panic and many others. i only know this because i read my refferal sheets but if i ask my phyciatrist she wont tell me what is wrong with me. am i so ill that i wont be able to take in what is wrong with me? i feel as if i dont exist, like i am just a host for something more, i feel like i am being watched constantly, like when i go to the bath room i feel there are cameras recording me. like i am a government experiement. i see things that no 1 else sees, but i also see what everyone is made of, or at least i think i see them. like i can see through them and into there souls. i have voices that tell me to do things, mainly hurt myself and others, and although i dont act upon hurting others, i hurt my self, not just by cutting myself, but throwing myself down the stairs, dropping hammers onto my knees, jumping infront of cars. silly things like that. the voices are so over whelming i cant ignore them, sometimes the t.v will talk to me, tell me things that i have longed to know. things like am i worth anything? and i know that these voices are not real but i believe it when they tell me i am worth nothing.
please someone help me to figure out myself.
ebony
please someone help me to figure out myself.
ebony
Sponsor
HoosierBj
09-21-2003, 11:46 AM
The ONLY reason I can think of that a psychiatrist may not tell you a diagnosis is if you are underage. And even then I think you should still be told.
If you are over 18 you are cetainly entitled to the information!!
If you are over 18 you are cetainly entitled to the information!!
fallen
09-21-2003, 04:52 PM
Hey ebonyrose-- hmmm that's an interesting question cause i started seeing a psychiatrist a couple weeks ago after having a panic attack (so they called it) at work, i was prescribed meds for depression, i'm also a cutter and they say i have an eating disorder but i went in for one of my appointments i had w/ one of my psychiatrist's residents and he asked me if anyone has told me what my diagnosis is? i said no cause they had never mentioned it to me and he just left it at that..he wouldn't tell me what my 'diagnosis' was..maybe they didn't know or maybe i don't have one http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/confused.gif oh well who knows..it kinda makes me wonder though what they are thinkin. Anyways take care i hope things get better for you.
ebonyrose
09-21-2003, 05:10 PM
thank you all for replying, i am 17 years old, so still legally a minor but i ask and they just wont tell me, i am on many meds for depression, phycosis, anxiety, insomnia etc, etc. it is easier to give someone advice than it is to take it, yes i know i say remember it is not real, but it is harder than it seems, as you probably know. i feel that i will never get better, and how do i know wat to over come when they wont tell me what is wrong.
HoosierBj
09-21-2003, 08:53 PM
Do you have any family meetings with your doctor? That would be the perfect time to discuss your diagnosis. Better yet, talk to your parents first and explain to them just what you did to us. That you're not afraid of the "label", but that you need to know what you are up against. (If they still don't want to, find out why. Maybe they are afraid of something simple that you can reassure THEM about.)
My doctor is impressed by the amount of digging around on the internet I've done on my own (I'm a Type I Bipolar). Maybe if you express your interest in learning more about what you have?
Are you sure they have even figured out a diagnosis yet? It took them forever to get it right with me!
How long until you are 18??!!
:angel:
[This message has been edited by HoosierBj (edited 09-21-2003).]
My doctor is impressed by the amount of digging around on the internet I've done on my own (I'm a Type I Bipolar). Maybe if you express your interest in learning more about what you have?
Are you sure they have even figured out a diagnosis yet? It took them forever to get it right with me!
How long until you are 18??!!
:angel:
[This message has been edited by HoosierBj (edited 09-21-2003).]
ebonyrose
09-22-2003, 09:01 AM
i am 18 in june next year. yes they have got my diagnosis because last night i had what i can only explain as a manic episode and when i told my mom how i was feeling she wasnt surprised and sed she knew. so i have now got another diagnosed illness. i try to read up on it on the internet and things but it is hard when you dont know what you are looking for. i find it easier to talk on here because i know that i am not going to get teased with what is wrong with me. my dad left when i was young and my step dad abused me for many years him and mom split up and i know live with my mom and sister. i dont have a very good relationship with my mom so i cant talk to her about how i feel. it scares her also to hear how i feel coz i am always down and upset. i feel just darkness and nothing more.
HoosierBj
09-22-2003, 01:26 PM
Well, that explains it!
Alot of people who are faced with a diagnosis like bipolar disorder or another mental illness don't react in such a direct you as you are - but from what you mentioned, you are a SURVIVOR already and that inner strength (or peace or faith) will get you through this, too.
Most people with bipolar disorder are basically born with it and it just depends on lots of things when it kicks in. Some women for example don't start having problems until they are facing menopause. My problems started at age 13 around the time my periods began. (But I wasn't correctly diagnosed until I was 30! Talk about lots of experience with depressions & manias!!) Later teen, early 20's or a stressful even can also trigger onset.
If you manage to drag a diagnosis out of someone before your 18th birthday and it IS Bipolar II, you described a hypomanic episode in your post. Energy, rapid thoughts, exhileration, but at a scale that is less than a full-blown mania!
Guess I still hate to see you have to guess though until someone can tell you. Does your Mom just flat out refuse to talk aabout it or just kind of sidestep it? It's hard for parents to deal with something being wrong with their "kid" - they always want to blame themselves.
You have lots of valid reasons to be having plain old emotional problems instead, and your Mom aleady has alot of bad things in HER life to feel awful about. It must be hard for her if she feels she might be to blame for what is usually a genetic disease.
You seem exceedingly mature for your age to me... I have all sorts of confidence that you will land on your feet and something good (even if it's just helping other people here on HealthBoards) will come out of your life.
Your Mom needs to make that adjustment from thinking of you as her child & you being an adult. I've watched my friends try to make that leap - some never manage..
In the meantime:
Keep In Touch - or else I worry!
Keep your Chin Up - you are intelligent, curious, and a fighter.. a GREAT combination for survival!
Think of me as a foster mom (or cool grandma) or a friend - but trust me I have been there and done that with mental illness. You sure aren't alone on these Boards!!
:angel:
Alot of people who are faced with a diagnosis like bipolar disorder or another mental illness don't react in such a direct you as you are - but from what you mentioned, you are a SURVIVOR already and that inner strength (or peace or faith) will get you through this, too.
Most people with bipolar disorder are basically born with it and it just depends on lots of things when it kicks in. Some women for example don't start having problems until they are facing menopause. My problems started at age 13 around the time my periods began. (But I wasn't correctly diagnosed until I was 30! Talk about lots of experience with depressions & manias!!) Later teen, early 20's or a stressful even can also trigger onset.
If you manage to drag a diagnosis out of someone before your 18th birthday and it IS Bipolar II, you described a hypomanic episode in your post. Energy, rapid thoughts, exhileration, but at a scale that is less than a full-blown mania!
Guess I still hate to see you have to guess though until someone can tell you. Does your Mom just flat out refuse to talk aabout it or just kind of sidestep it? It's hard for parents to deal with something being wrong with their "kid" - they always want to blame themselves.
You have lots of valid reasons to be having plain old emotional problems instead, and your Mom aleady has alot of bad things in HER life to feel awful about. It must be hard for her if she feels she might be to blame for what is usually a genetic disease.
You seem exceedingly mature for your age to me... I have all sorts of confidence that you will land on your feet and something good (even if it's just helping other people here on HealthBoards) will come out of your life.
Your Mom needs to make that adjustment from thinking of you as her child & you being an adult. I've watched my friends try to make that leap - some never manage..
In the meantime:
Keep In Touch - or else I worry!
Keep your Chin Up - you are intelligent, curious, and a fighter.. a GREAT combination for survival!
Think of me as a foster mom (or cool grandma) or a friend - but trust me I have been there and done that with mental illness. You sure aren't alone on these Boards!!
:angel:
ebonyrose
09-23-2003, 07:03 AM
thankyou so much you have no idea how much that means to me i have never had anyone there to talk to and even tho it is only on here it still means alot. i have never been told that i am strong but that also means alot. i just wish that i can be told what is wrong with me so i can conquer it and live a normal life. i will keep you up to date with how i get on.
love ebony xxxx
love ebony xxxx