Blue sky
10-05-2003, 04:20 PM
Hi. First time here..
I am really ashamed of masterbation. It has functioned as a way of escape for me for a long time (15 years or so). It's more a shame/release than pleasure. Frequency of my masterbation seems to go up high when I am not in a secure mood. When I am feeling good and in control, it's the last thing I have in mind. I get to release and feel good physically momentarilly but go through an overwhelming sense of hopelessness and lack of self-worthiness afterwards. The core of my issues, whether work issues, image of "what I should be" vs. "what I am" or general sense of loneliness, remains unresolved and it will make me feel numb and more incapable of confronting many of the issues at hand. My self esteem gets down to a very low level but I keep coming back to it and feel worse.
Deep down, I don't feel masterbation itself is the issue. It's a way of (wrongly) escaping my negative feelings. It's so not constructive but it has become an unhealthy habit and it has minimized my personal growth. Do you think there are some underlying issues hidden deep down and I can benefit from Psychotherapy? I would be very, very ashamed to talk about something like this even with a therapist since I am very good at managing to leave a very bright, positive impression on people. But I feel there's no other way to break the pattern other than to obtain some help to confront my fears/feelings.
Thanks for listening and I could use any comments anybody may have. I would also like to know what I can expect from psychotherapy since I am completely new to it.
I am really ashamed of masterbation. It has functioned as a way of escape for me for a long time (15 years or so). It's more a shame/release than pleasure. Frequency of my masterbation seems to go up high when I am not in a secure mood. When I am feeling good and in control, it's the last thing I have in mind. I get to release and feel good physically momentarilly but go through an overwhelming sense of hopelessness and lack of self-worthiness afterwards. The core of my issues, whether work issues, image of "what I should be" vs. "what I am" or general sense of loneliness, remains unresolved and it will make me feel numb and more incapable of confronting many of the issues at hand. My self esteem gets down to a very low level but I keep coming back to it and feel worse.
Deep down, I don't feel masterbation itself is the issue. It's a way of (wrongly) escaping my negative feelings. It's so not constructive but it has become an unhealthy habit and it has minimized my personal growth. Do you think there are some underlying issues hidden deep down and I can benefit from Psychotherapy? I would be very, very ashamed to talk about something like this even with a therapist since I am very good at managing to leave a very bright, positive impression on people. But I feel there's no other way to break the pattern other than to obtain some help to confront my fears/feelings.
Thanks for listening and I could use any comments anybody may have. I would also like to know what I can expect from psychotherapy since I am completely new to it.
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Janik
10-05-2003, 06:42 PM
You're right when you say that masturbation might not be the issue... In some cases of OCD, masturbation's the compulsive part of the disorder... but the obsessive part varies. I'm sure psychotherapy will help you understand the causes, and hopefully deal with the problem itself.
franjava22
10-05-2003, 09:40 PM
I'm very humbled by your admission that you use masturbation as an escape. Most people have a hard time admitting to using food, alcohol, drugs, etc... I did it some a long time ago during an extremely hard time in my life. Like you, I felt a lot of shame. I didn't realize then what I was doing, but have come to terms with it. I thought I just needed sexual release that I wasn't getting. I hope very much you get the assistance you need.
Blue sky
10-05-2003, 10:14 PM
Thanks Franjava22. It's good to know that you understand and I appreciate your comment. It's great to know that I am not alone. It took a lot to openly (well, on this site, at least) share the darker side of me. The reward is the encouraing feedback I receive such as yours that assures me that self disclosure was the right thing to do. A living proof that truth sets you free.. I am ready to find what insight therapy can bring. I don't mean to put all the blame on past events/indefficiencies but do hope that insight I gain will help me lead a liberated life. Thanks immensely.
ebonyrose
10-06-2003, 07:32 AM
hiya i am just replying about therepy, i have therepy of different kinds 2 a week and i was very scared at first. but if you feel you need to talk to someone about this then i can tell you that it is not scary and you wil not be judged.
god luck
ebony http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/blob_fire.gif
god luck
ebony http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/blob_fire.gif