ebonyrose
10-02-2003, 07:52 AM
hi it me again, for those of you who dont know me my name is ebony and i am 17. i have many mental disorders such as phycosis, manic depression, suicidal tendances etc.
well the reason i am posting this is because yesturday i went to my phyciatrist and i was told i have to go into hospital because my phycosis is getting outta hand and i cannot tell the difference between reality and what my phycosis sees and hears. this is very destressing for me as i am now being called a freak coz i talk to invisible stuff, things i trully believe are there.
the voices are getting to much to take and i obey whatever they tell me to do at the moment it is to hurt my self, as a result i am once again covered in cuts and scars, i used to always self harm but not to the extent i am now.
i guess the reason i am postin this is just to get it out my system and maybe just for someone to talk to. i am so scared and confused. why am i being put through this what have i done that is so wrong?
thanx in advance for reading this.
ebony http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/blob_fire.gif
[This message has been edited by ebonyrose (edited 10-02-2003).]
well the reason i am posting this is because yesturday i went to my phyciatrist and i was told i have to go into hospital because my phycosis is getting outta hand and i cannot tell the difference between reality and what my phycosis sees and hears. this is very destressing for me as i am now being called a freak coz i talk to invisible stuff, things i trully believe are there.
the voices are getting to much to take and i obey whatever they tell me to do at the moment it is to hurt my self, as a result i am once again covered in cuts and scars, i used to always self harm but not to the extent i am now.
i guess the reason i am postin this is just to get it out my system and maybe just for someone to talk to. i am so scared and confused. why am i being put through this what have i done that is so wrong?
thanx in advance for reading this.
ebony http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/blob_fire.gif
[This message has been edited by ebonyrose (edited 10-02-2003).]
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Dani_nmh
10-02-2003, 08:08 AM
I am so sorry you have to go through all this - I am goign through different stuff and think the same thing . What did i do wrong for this to happen to me. YOu are not a freak. Im not mega religeous but i do believe in things happening for a reason - and that you are learning and maybe helping others in ways you dont even know. Maybe you'll get through all this and start some big organisation - or write a book and help millions on people. We are young - and it sux to be going through all this - but i think we should decide what purpose all this has.. I mean - life is only about learning and teaching - whether that be emotions - academics - etc etc. It seems to help if you make up an answer to the 'why me' question. example - Im going to write a book - or people around me are going to learn to appreciate everything a lot more and be more patient etc etc - b/c of me. Anyways - I hope that all made sense. If you need to talk - just post more and ill reply the best I know how. Take care hun - Daniella
Redo71
10-02-2003, 10:11 AM
Hospitalization never really will help, they need to find an antipsycotic that works and keep you on it. This is like my aunt who has psycosis that cycles, if she goes off her meds it comes back strong, but she goes through periods of worse psycosis then others.
As for me I can handle it, im not that bad yet, but im sure itll happen one of these days. It would be good to get treatment so you can trust yourself to function normally.
I hope you get through this all, mental illnesses are the hardest thing to deal with, but there are many people who have gone through this and are going through it.
As for me I can handle it, im not that bad yet, but im sure itll happen one of these days. It would be good to get treatment so you can trust yourself to function normally.
I hope you get through this all, mental illnesses are the hardest thing to deal with, but there are many people who have gone through this and are going through it.
remoc
10-02-2003, 07:29 PM
hello
notavetyet
10-02-2003, 09:35 PM
I think that it is in your best interest to go into the hospital. I agree that an antipsychotic is the only thing that will help you with your psychosis. I want you to get help and make sure that you tell someone if you feel like hurting yourself. also may i recommend that if you experience adverse effects you tell the Dr. so that he can prescribe you something else. I hope all goes well with you. Be hopeful you will get the right medication and you will return to baseline soon.
MAY THE LORD BLESS YOU AND KEEP YOU.
MAY THE LORD BLESS YOU AND KEEP YOU.
ebonyrose
10-03-2003, 08:32 AM
thankyou all for replying. i have been into hospital before so i know what it is like but this one is a hell of alot bigger. so i am scared also it is miles away from my family and fiancee. i have been thinking very hard about writing a book for about 18 months now, but i have no recollection of time so i will get muddled. when i cut myself it is because i am told to not coz i want to, and when mom finds out that i have been cutting she gets upset so i hide it. thankyou all for posting. savage thankyou so much i will email you soon.
ebony http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/blob_fire.gif
ps, hello to (bugger cant remember ya name) the one word newbie post. :bouncing:
ebony http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/blob_fire.gif
ps, hello to (bugger cant remember ya name) the one word newbie post. :bouncing:
HoosierBj
10-04-2003, 01:58 PM
Hey Rose, as long as you don't forget us here, you'll NEVER be alone!
I was in a psych ward/mental hospital many a time until they could figure out what I had and manage to stabilize me. Most of the times I went in it was because my parents were afraid I was a danger to myself. For you it is cutting, I just would swallow everything in the medicine cabinet & immediately call & tell my mom or dad what I had done.
Looking back now (it's years later) I don't really regret the hospital stays, and personally I'm too old to care whether anyone thinks I'm "whacko" or a "freak" anymore!
Hopefully you'll just keep that chin up, work on not hurting yourself so that people don't worry about you (us included!) and remember that it honestly isn't what happens to you (bad stuff keeps right on happening) but its how you choose to handle it & what you make of it.
I can see you being of GREAT help to people who are going through the things that you are. You can actually understand what they are going thru.
You're too valuable to get too bent over a hospital stay!!!
Let us know how things go so we don't worrry, ok?
:angel:
[This message has been edited by HoosierBj (edited 10-04-2003).]
I was in a psych ward/mental hospital many a time until they could figure out what I had and manage to stabilize me. Most of the times I went in it was because my parents were afraid I was a danger to myself. For you it is cutting, I just would swallow everything in the medicine cabinet & immediately call & tell my mom or dad what I had done.
Looking back now (it's years later) I don't really regret the hospital stays, and personally I'm too old to care whether anyone thinks I'm "whacko" or a "freak" anymore!
Hopefully you'll just keep that chin up, work on not hurting yourself so that people don't worry about you (us included!) and remember that it honestly isn't what happens to you (bad stuff keeps right on happening) but its how you choose to handle it & what you make of it.
I can see you being of GREAT help to people who are going through the things that you are. You can actually understand what they are going thru.
You're too valuable to get too bent over a hospital stay!!!
Let us know how things go so we don't worrry, ok?
:angel:
[This message has been edited by HoosierBj (edited 10-04-2003).]
ebonyrose
10-06-2003, 02:51 PM
hi, i am really scared i have just had an episode and it really scared me. i dont know how much more i can take. im 17 and i have lost my sanity.
i feel so alone, so scared.
i feel like a little child huddled up in the corner, alone and scared.
ok ill tell ya wat happened: i was sexually abused when i was young by my step father for 7 years, it went to court, yada yada yada, he got equitted and i got £8000 compensation. i have this money but it is making me more unwell coz it is a contant reminder of the s**t. so i went mad, i cant really fill you in coz although it only happened 5 mins ago it is all a blur and blank. im scared plzzzzzzzz help.
ebony http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/blob_fire.gif
i feel so alone, so scared.
i feel like a little child huddled up in the corner, alone and scared.
ok ill tell ya wat happened: i was sexually abused when i was young by my step father for 7 years, it went to court, yada yada yada, he got equitted and i got £8000 compensation. i have this money but it is making me more unwell coz it is a contant reminder of the s**t. so i went mad, i cant really fill you in coz although it only happened 5 mins ago it is all a blur and blank. im scared plzzzzzzzz help.
ebony http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/blob_fire.gif
HoosierBj
10-06-2003, 03:10 PM
I'm right here!
I don't know if you're still on the computer, but I just want to tell you that I DO understand, and I HAVE gone stark raving crazy myself back aways.
Can you keep busy enough to not cut? Type me a LOOOOONG letter then!
Did I tell you I have a mental illness, too? I've had Bipolar Disorder at least back to age 13. And still have it. Its a part of who I am, just like you are who you are. And just as valuable as any other person on earth.
I mean it!
Write back!
:angel:
I don't know if you're still on the computer, but I just want to tell you that I DO understand, and I HAVE gone stark raving crazy myself back aways.
Can you keep busy enough to not cut? Type me a LOOOOONG letter then!
Did I tell you I have a mental illness, too? I've had Bipolar Disorder at least back to age 13. And still have it. Its a part of who I am, just like you are who you are. And just as valuable as any other person on earth.
I mean it!
Write back!
:angel:
ebonyrose
10-07-2003, 01:01 PM
ok here goes i am gonna write you a long letter and see how long it can keep me occupied for. firstly thankyou everyone who has replied, it means alot that people can take the time to read and answer me, so thankyou all very much, it means alot to me. :wave: right now on to my LOOOONG letter, well i guess i may as well start from the beggining. well i was born 6 june 86, my mom and dad were still together then but the marriage was on the rocks, my dad was very violent to my mom and i remember it, just in flash backs but the memory is there. i have an older sister and older brother and a younger sister. luckinly they dont really remember any of it. my mom and dad split up as he turned into an aloholic, he tried to get custody of us but turned up to the courts drunk. we had to go to him every 2nd weekend, while there he told me if i didnt get him and mom back together he would hurt us. i was 4 what could i do???? mom soon met robin, they married and everything was great, he gave us the life we had dreamed of, but like everything that didnt last long, he began getting violent towards mom and he sometimes hit me. was i a naughty child who needed punishing??? http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/confused.gif when i was 9 he cam into the bathroom while i was in the bath and sed he wanted a hug, i was a quick developer so i had the start of boobs and was always told not to let people see me naked. i cant really remeber much more of that time all i know is that was the sart to something evil. he would come into my room and do nasty things to me :( he would tell me that he loved me and just wanted to show how much he cared for me, sed he was sorry he hit me,asked if he could he make it up to me?when i was 13 i saw a program on child abuse and then i knew that this wasnt right, he shouldnt do this to me. so i asked him daddy why do you do horrid things to me that arent normal? for questioning him i got hit, and told it was his way of showing love. he never once sed if i tell anyone xy and z would happen so i just thort that my mind was being stupid in thinking it was to hurt me. i still remember his sick smile. then i saw another program and then it stuck in my mind that this was wrong. then i thort of my sisters was he doing it to them too??? i couldnt let that happen, so i thort i could just let him get on with it and then he wouldnt hurt them. it didnt work the sick t**t still done it to them just not as bad, so in a way yes it did work. i started self harming to get rid of the hurt and pain, i hid it well, noone saw anything was wrong for well over a year. then i overdosed with 125 parecetemol, but then looked at a picture of my newborn neice and ran down and told mom, i got to hospital the pumped my stomach as well as they could and kept me in for 3 days. i never told anyone what was going on untill one fatefull science lesson when the teacher, who i got on with well, saw my cuts and asked me to stay behind after class. he asked me why i did it i refused to say anything but he kept on so i went mad and screamed HOW THE F**CK WOULD YOU FEEL IF YOUR STEP FATHER ABUSED YOU DAY AFTER F**KING DAY??? so he had to tell the head master who called a meeting about it. i denied it all coz i was scared. ( by this time mom had had enough of the violence and had divorced him on 3 counts of attempted murder) so there i am scared coz my deepest darkest secret has come to a head, it was now or never to escape. YES ITS F**KIN TRUE OK< I AM A FREAK WHOS FATHER ABUSES ME DAILY! so that was that, it started going thru courts. me, 2 sisters, his real daughter and 2 family friends came forward he had done it to them also, not as bad but it doesnt matter he still done it. 3 weeks in court and a room full of strangers decided that he was not guily and he was eqquited. so we went for compensation as our lawyers had advised. i was getting worse mentally cutting, depressed, angry, sad etc. put on anti depressents. i eventually stopped cutting and moved out of the family home to my elder sisters. i lived there for a bit and then moved to a private rented room and got a job as a catering assisstant, hiding myself in work and putting a false mask on when i went out so it looked like i was happy. i once againg stared punishing myself and stopped eating i got very anorexic so had to quit work and move back home. 28 feb 03 i moved home. i was severly anorexic weighing 6.5 stones at a height of 5ft 8. so we worked on my weight and i got up to 9 stone a great acheivement but then i saw HIM!!!!! he had moved to a new how 100metres up the road from mom. he saw me too and smiled his sick evil smile and that was it, i started going mad. slowly losing my sanity. everyday he would drive down past my house and smile at me, not a friendly smile, no it was THAT smile. the one he had when he was showing me he loved me. i got heavily depressed and turned anorexic again after all that hard work. then i got ocd and checked everything constantly, like when i was 14. now its all morphed and evolved to phycosis that is unbearable to live with, they tell me to cut myself and i obey them. so now i am covered not only in scars but fresh cuts aswell, deep angry cuts just coz i am told to. they dont be quieter until the blood flows and gushes out of me. i want to die coz i cant cope with this anymore. i am manic so i burn myself out and have to sleep for days. so now they have sed i have to go to hospital to sort it out although i was in earlier in the year that was only 1 hour away from home, now i have to got 2 hours away and noone will be able to see me. i am scared but feel numb. not scared of hospital scared of who i have became. well this has kept me occupied for 45 mins but now i have to got coz they dont like me telling people about them. bye for now and sorry its boring.
love ebony http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/blob_fire.gif
love ebony http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/blob_fire.gif
ebonyrose
10-07-2003, 02:33 PM
oops sorry same post twice, i stopped concentratin, sorry
HoosierBj
10-07-2003, 03:27 PM
I KNEW there was a reason I liked you!!
I'm #3 out of 4 kids, too! I have two big sisters and a little brother (HE a brat & everyone paid more attention to him cause he was the only BOY!!)
YOu have every reason in the world to feel fear, and anger. There is no woman on earth who has ever done anything that would make it understandable to have such things done to her. And for way too long there was no one you could trust to talk to about it.
I'm betting that you have heard of post-traumatic stress syndrome. If anyone has reason to have it, you do. And what is a young girl like were doing with so much inner strength that you really did survive all those things?? You are one VERY STRONG person.
Keep THAT in mind when you can't help seeing his evil grin. You are so much stronger than THAT.
You are a Survivor. I mean it. You are in the Club!
I don't know why things happen to people. Some people have diabetes and lose a leg, I have Bipolar Disorder & I can't begin to tell you what my life has been like.
I guess I think that what matters is what you do with bad things that happen, you know?
Here you are, after all you've been through, already pitching in here, reaching out to other people who need help. Can you see how much help you will be to people who are in such extreme pain? I have no concept of what it would be like, you may end up giving someone hope to keep living...
I can't think when I've admired a 17 yr. old more,
:angel:
I'm #3 out of 4 kids, too! I have two big sisters and a little brother (HE a brat & everyone paid more attention to him cause he was the only BOY!!)
YOu have every reason in the world to feel fear, and anger. There is no woman on earth who has ever done anything that would make it understandable to have such things done to her. And for way too long there was no one you could trust to talk to about it.
I'm betting that you have heard of post-traumatic stress syndrome. If anyone has reason to have it, you do. And what is a young girl like were doing with so much inner strength that you really did survive all those things?? You are one VERY STRONG person.
Keep THAT in mind when you can't help seeing his evil grin. You are so much stronger than THAT.
You are a Survivor. I mean it. You are in the Club!
I don't know why things happen to people. Some people have diabetes and lose a leg, I have Bipolar Disorder & I can't begin to tell you what my life has been like.
I guess I think that what matters is what you do with bad things that happen, you know?
Here you are, after all you've been through, already pitching in here, reaching out to other people who need help. Can you see how much help you will be to people who are in such extreme pain? I have no concept of what it would be like, you may end up giving someone hope to keep living...
I can't think when I've admired a 17 yr. old more,
:angel:
ebonyrose
10-09-2003, 02:27 PM
i have had it with life i cant cope with it i dont know what to do anymore my illness has taken over and i am now hurting everyone around me.
why am i a failure
why am i a failure
HoosierBj
10-09-2003, 09:05 PM
Hi Ebony,
I know you're feeling pretty hopeless right now. Some of my bipolar depressions were so dark that I could look up and see not one little bit of light.
I know that you feel like you're a failure, but I'm here to tell you that feeling that and BEING that are two different things.
I felt that I had no purpose, I felt that no one would ever want to be with me. Maybe you feel like this too?
All I know is that I have never forgotten those feelings, but I have come to realize that that's what they are.
Feelings.
The reality that is that there are people who love you, like you, and care about you. There are a huge number of people here who are concerned and who care about you as a person.
You're pretty gutsy - I think that you are a Survivor. And that one day you will end up helping others that feel like you do right now.
Right now isn't a year from now, or 3 yrs from now. It's hard to "turn the corner" when you can't even see the corner.
It's there. Hang in there. Keep helping folks here like you've been doing already. It is appreciated, and isn't it nice to know you've made a difference for someone else no matter how you may feel??????
I just know you'll prove me right some day!
:angel:
I know you're feeling pretty hopeless right now. Some of my bipolar depressions were so dark that I could look up and see not one little bit of light.
I know that you feel like you're a failure, but I'm here to tell you that feeling that and BEING that are two different things.
I felt that I had no purpose, I felt that no one would ever want to be with me. Maybe you feel like this too?
All I know is that I have never forgotten those feelings, but I have come to realize that that's what they are.
Feelings.
The reality that is that there are people who love you, like you, and care about you. There are a huge number of people here who are concerned and who care about you as a person.
You're pretty gutsy - I think that you are a Survivor. And that one day you will end up helping others that feel like you do right now.
Right now isn't a year from now, or 3 yrs from now. It's hard to "turn the corner" when you can't even see the corner.
It's there. Hang in there. Keep helping folks here like you've been doing already. It is appreciated, and isn't it nice to know you've made a difference for someone else no matter how you may feel??????
I just know you'll prove me right some day!
:angel:
4given1
10-09-2003, 10:44 PM
Dear EbonyRose,
I just read your posts...and I kept thinking, "Wow, this girl has been through so much but by gosh, she MADE it!!"
I know you're still hurting and dealing with the effects of the horrific things you've endured, but precious lady, you WILL prevail and just look at what an AWESOME testimony you have! Like Hoosier said, your story has the potential to help SO many people. You said you were thinking of writing a book? I say the sooner the better! I think it would be very therapeutic for you, not to mention the fact that maybe when it's completed, it could be a lifesaver for others! Throw your energies into this project and watch it become a personal masterpiece! :)
I don't know if you are spiritual, but please know that I have a very personal relationship with God and I will be praying for you! :angel:
Love,
Daisy
------------------
Daisy
#1 on the way!
EDD 4/21/04
------------------------
Children are a gift from God. They are a reward from Him.-Psalm 127:3
I just read your posts...and I kept thinking, "Wow, this girl has been through so much but by gosh, she MADE it!!"
I know you're still hurting and dealing with the effects of the horrific things you've endured, but precious lady, you WILL prevail and just look at what an AWESOME testimony you have! Like Hoosier said, your story has the potential to help SO many people. You said you were thinking of writing a book? I say the sooner the better! I think it would be very therapeutic for you, not to mention the fact that maybe when it's completed, it could be a lifesaver for others! Throw your energies into this project and watch it become a personal masterpiece! :)
I don't know if you are spiritual, but please know that I have a very personal relationship with God and I will be praying for you! :angel:
Love,
Daisy
------------------
Daisy
#1 on the way!
EDD 4/21/04
------------------------
Children are a gift from God. They are a reward from Him.-Psalm 127:3
ebonyrose
10-10-2003, 08:30 AM
thanks for ya posts and hiya daisy.i know at one point i sed i was gunna right a book, but now i aint gunna coz the LOOOOOOONG post was just the **** that had happened in the family, there are deep dark secrets that my family must never know.
my mom is in hospital at the mo having sholder surgury and i had to look after my 15 yr old sister, i have asked her to do nothing and she still stresses at me so last night i went mad, she f***ed off and went to my elder sisters house and i sat ton my own and slashed myself up pretty bad all down my arms legs stomach chest. i am a loser and always will be.
my mom is in hospital at the mo having sholder surgury and i had to look after my 15 yr old sister, i have asked her to do nothing and she still stresses at me so last night i went mad, she f***ed off and went to my elder sisters house and i sat ton my own and slashed myself up pretty bad all down my arms legs stomach chest. i am a loser and always will be.
4given1
10-10-2003, 11:21 AM
Honey, you are NOT a loser! You've been through some things that no person should have to endure, but your circumstances in NO way make you a loser! You also have a condition that thousands of people in the world share with you! You are NOT alone in that respect!
I have to get to work but I'll be thinking about, and praying for you! Stay strong! :angel:
Love,
Daisy
I have to get to work but I'll be thinking about, and praying for you! Stay strong! :angel:
Love,
Daisy
HoosierBj
10-10-2003, 02:07 PM
I know that you know that you are not a Loser! And you are NOT alone. There are a kazillion people in the U.S. who cut themselves - and if you haven't put the word "cutters" into a search engine yet you would be amazed how many places out there are where you won't feel so alone. We're not allowed to list them for you here, and we sure don't want you to wander off and not come back here cause we happen to like ya, but look around a bit.
Some places suggest creative outlets - art, writing, even filling up pages with XXXXX's when the urge is there. You can still start your book even if you don't plan to publish it until much much later!
This won't last forever, honest. In time you'll learn to find other substitutes for the cutting. Some people take up boxing (even girls!).
Can't tell you how much we all care here, I care about you whether you are cutting or not because I sense in you a caring person who just has never had the chance to feel safe.
If you feel bad, tell yourself "those folks at HealthBoards care and they've been through stuff just like me", and it's true.
A real Survivor knows a real Survivor right off...
and we recognize you!!
:angel:
Some places suggest creative outlets - art, writing, even filling up pages with XXXXX's when the urge is there. You can still start your book even if you don't plan to publish it until much much later!
This won't last forever, honest. In time you'll learn to find other substitutes for the cutting. Some people take up boxing (even girls!).
Can't tell you how much we all care here, I care about you whether you are cutting or not because I sense in you a caring person who just has never had the chance to feel safe.
If you feel bad, tell yourself "those folks at HealthBoards care and they've been through stuff just like me", and it's true.
A real Survivor knows a real Survivor right off...
and we recognize you!!
:angel:
HoosierBj
10-13-2003, 05:09 PM
Just checking in to say a big Hello to Ebony.
I'm wondering if maybe you got checked into a hospital since we haven't heard from you in a little while.
You're in my prayers, and my Guardian Angel is somewhere you...
:angel:
I'm wondering if maybe you got checked into a hospital since we haven't heard from you in a little while.
You're in my prayers, and my Guardian Angel is somewhere you...
:angel:
ebonyrose
10-14-2003, 09:10 AM
no not in hospital yet just been very confused the past few days and havent been on. i have a consultation at the phyciatric hosp tommorow so that will be fun. i am not doing very well at all these days i am cut so badly im scaring myself but never mind. i will write a propper post when oi can concentrate.
bye x
bye x
HoosierBj
10-14-2003, 10:16 AM
Glad to hear you're still hanging in there even if it's just by by the fingernail on your little finger!
Don't worry about writing a book or even a chapter. Just hoping that you'll check in with a line or to every so often to let us know you're o.k. and still slogging away at it.
It's raining here, I'm trying to come up with a little sunshine. So far if it wasn't for my 4 cats (Backster, Chadwick, Bailey & Duncan)& you friends on HealthBoards I'd be in quite a lonely mood myself...
:angel:
Sorry about all the edits, but Backster is really spelled with an x instead of ck but for some reason the robot censor won't let it thru!!
[This message has been edited by HoosierBj (edited 10-14-2003).]
Don't worry about writing a book or even a chapter. Just hoping that you'll check in with a line or to every so often to let us know you're o.k. and still slogging away at it.
It's raining here, I'm trying to come up with a little sunshine. So far if it wasn't for my 4 cats (Backster, Chadwick, Bailey & Duncan)& you friends on HealthBoards I'd be in quite a lonely mood myself...
:angel:
Sorry about all the edits, but Backster is really spelled with an x instead of ck but for some reason the robot censor won't let it thru!!
[This message has been edited by HoosierBj (edited 10-14-2003).]
AnF16
10-20-2003, 11:08 AM
just want to let ya know im here for ya to. Im ur age and know what living hell can be like...
I have no basis for giving you any advice bcoz im struggling to cope atm to..
The suggestion of a book was very viable, i frequently do creative writing ( essays, song writing) and you would be amazed at how much it helps.
Hoping things get better
Anf
I have no basis for giving you any advice bcoz im struggling to cope atm to..
The suggestion of a book was very viable, i frequently do creative writing ( essays, song writing) and you would be amazed at how much it helps.
Hoping things get better
Anf
ebonyrose
10-26-2003, 08:57 AM
hi sorry i havent posted for a while, i have started another little problem. anorexia, but the thing is im not ashamed and i have no intension of getting better now, coz i have given up
HoosierBj
10-26-2003, 03:37 PM
You're really tired aren't you...like you just can't see the end of it I am sure.
That happened to me when I was 13 and again when I was almost 17. I don't know how I managed to live - except that deep down - so deep down that I didn't even know it was there - was a real fighter.
That's what I hear in your writings. Like there's a real power coming through the HealthBoard pages.
The funny thing is I couldn't see my own strength and I'm betting that you can't see yours.
But I can.
It really is there.
And there is something off there in that future that you're almost too tired to even care about. Ever since I've been Bipolar I've had a teeny bit of sixth sense. I know who's calling when the phone rings and I have a kind of "sense" about people. Good people, bad people, people not to trust.
You are a Survior Ebony. You're gonna do it, I just know it. Not easy, but you will do it.
You are special for what you have between your ears!
Do me a favor?
Check in again and tell me a little bit about how you're feeling about life and yourself and maybe even a little about who cares about you...
You really lifted my spirits by writing today. I was a little down I guess.
I'm going to share my Guardian Angel with you. Her name is Ruth and she'll kind of hang out nearby. If you feel a little breeze from nowhere that's Ruth. She's just the best for being there when times are hard.
:angel:
That happened to me when I was 13 and again when I was almost 17. I don't know how I managed to live - except that deep down - so deep down that I didn't even know it was there - was a real fighter.
That's what I hear in your writings. Like there's a real power coming through the HealthBoard pages.
The funny thing is I couldn't see my own strength and I'm betting that you can't see yours.
But I can.
It really is there.
And there is something off there in that future that you're almost too tired to even care about. Ever since I've been Bipolar I've had a teeny bit of sixth sense. I know who's calling when the phone rings and I have a kind of "sense" about people. Good people, bad people, people not to trust.
You are a Survior Ebony. You're gonna do it, I just know it. Not easy, but you will do it.
You are special for what you have between your ears!
Do me a favor?
Check in again and tell me a little bit about how you're feeling about life and yourself and maybe even a little about who cares about you...
You really lifted my spirits by writing today. I was a little down I guess.
I'm going to share my Guardian Angel with you. Her name is Ruth and she'll kind of hang out nearby. If you feel a little breeze from nowhere that's Ruth. She's just the best for being there when times are hard.
:angel:
HoosierBj
10-30-2003, 07:04 PM
I wrote a book didn't I!!
Sorry about that. It's nice to run across someone a "few" years younger that I can relate to.
Stop in and say Howdy just to let me know things are going along, ok??
:angel:
Sorry about that. It's nice to run across someone a "few" years younger that I can relate to.
Stop in and say Howdy just to let me know things are going along, ok??
:angel:
HoosierBj
11-04-2003, 08:59 PM
Hey Ebony,
Stop and type Hello or something!!
A bit concerned,
Bj
Stop and type Hello or something!!
A bit concerned,
Bj
HoosierBj
11-11-2003, 09:58 AM
You are NOT a failure Ebony!
You are a work in progress!!!
If anyone knows how much you have struggled it would be me. And all that tells me is that you are a Fighter, A Survivor, and Tougher inside than I will ever be...
Don't EVER think of yourself as a failure - Failure's don't care. Failure's have mean and nasty hearts.
Just doesn't sound like the EbonyRose that I know.
Hang in there for another..... week. Then we'll talk.
What's been going on?
:angel:
You are a work in progress!!!
If anyone knows how much you have struggled it would be me. And all that tells me is that you are a Fighter, A Survivor, and Tougher inside than I will ever be...
Don't EVER think of yourself as a failure - Failure's don't care. Failure's have mean and nasty hearts.
Just doesn't sound like the EbonyRose that I know.
Hang in there for another..... week. Then we'll talk.
What's been going on?
:angel:
ebonyrose
12-02-2003, 06:28 AM
hiya you guys i am back, i have been in hospital for nearly a month because of all my problems i am feeling a little better and am eating more normally. this is just a post to say hiya. be back soon.
love ebony xxx :bouncing:
love ebony xxx :bouncing:
HoosierBj
12-02-2003, 05:32 PM
It sounds like you have been working hard on being the best you can be.
I am so proud of you!!!!!!!!!
:angel:
I am so proud of you!!!!!!!!!
:angel:
HoosierBj
12-30-2003, 08:31 PM
Hi EbonyRose,
I wanted to wish you a wonderful New Year, and a big Congratulations! for being as strong and tough as you are.
You made it all the way through 2003 and since you know you can do it, 2004 won't take near as much work.
Just keep fighting your battles one minute at a time and count them each as a Victory!
Love,
:angel:
I wanted to wish you a wonderful New Year, and a big Congratulations! for being as strong and tough as you are.
You made it all the way through 2003 and since you know you can do it, 2004 won't take near as much work.
Just keep fighting your battles one minute at a time and count them each as a Victory!
Love,
:angel:
HoosierBj
01-29-2004, 12:22 PM
Hi EbonyRose,
Please don't forget to take a minute and let us know how you're doing!
:angel:
Please don't forget to take a minute and let us know how you're doing!
:angel:
MsCeeKay
01-31-2004, 08:00 AM
I went thru a hard period where i was suffering from depression and i know what it feels like.I had acute psychosis and times i feel like it makes sense what u are going thru even though other people dont understand.The right medication will do you sum good and avoid stressful situations.Pickup a hobby but dont let it over ride you-Take care