jasmine30
09-05-2002, 12:41 AM
Hi,
OK this is quite long but I have to vent...My dad is getting on my LAST NERVE!!You see my birth mother died 11 days after I was born so dad and my grandmother raised me til dad remarried when I was almost 3...I was an overprotected child...It was always don't do this,don't do that,no,no,no,the World is dangerous you don't need to do this or you don't need to go there,you will get sick yada yada yada..Well my dad lays guilt trips off on me,he still tries to tell me what to do when to do it...Im almost 30 years old and I can't take it anymore!!He don't know what no means,I can't get any peace and quite so I can relax...He thinks he is the only person with financial stress etc...He tried to lay the blame off on me that I was the reason he and my mother is in debt..I take it that way coz he told me once they were working their tails off so I could have something when they are gone...Anyway I started having probs with Panic and Agorapobia again after a relationship ended...I had no choice but to move closer to them coz I didn't have any family living in the area I was living...Ive been back here nearing a year and just now moving into another place...It won't get any better coz he'll be over everday keeping me upset about something...If I don't answer the door or phone he'll call the cops or the mgr of the complex who happens to be married to a cousin..I can't get away from it!!How can I tell him to back off???I know what Im about to say may take you by surprise and please don't misunderstand me but the only way I will ever get any peace is when he dies or if I moved somewhere where no one knew where I was...I DO NOT mean Im gonna kill him or wish that he would die,Im just proving a point...A person can only take so much...He tells me when to go to bed,tells me Im smoking or eating to much...Ive developed a hate for the man but he has drove me to it!!All I hear is I got so many worries on my mind..I told him well all I can say is he should of kept it in his pants and he wouldn't have any worries!!Another thing,the cousins wife gave my mother 2 keys to my apartment...That hacked me off!!They play ol billy heck if they think Im gonna let them have a key to my place!!Im gonna return the key to her and if she gives it back to them,Im calling the big wigs!!The way he has done me and is doing me makes me feel bad about myself...Almost like Im imcompetent to manage my life...Im sick of it!!A counselor I went to a few years ago in Tulsa told me he thought my dad was alot of my problems...Thanks everyone for letting me air my troubles...I don't know what else to do to make it any easier for me...
[This message has been edited by minerva (edited 09-05-2002).]
OK this is quite long but I have to vent...My dad is getting on my LAST NERVE!!You see my birth mother died 11 days after I was born so dad and my grandmother raised me til dad remarried when I was almost 3...I was an overprotected child...It was always don't do this,don't do that,no,no,no,the World is dangerous you don't need to do this or you don't need to go there,you will get sick yada yada yada..Well my dad lays guilt trips off on me,he still tries to tell me what to do when to do it...Im almost 30 years old and I can't take it anymore!!He don't know what no means,I can't get any peace and quite so I can relax...He thinks he is the only person with financial stress etc...He tried to lay the blame off on me that I was the reason he and my mother is in debt..I take it that way coz he told me once they were working their tails off so I could have something when they are gone...Anyway I started having probs with Panic and Agorapobia again after a relationship ended...I had no choice but to move closer to them coz I didn't have any family living in the area I was living...Ive been back here nearing a year and just now moving into another place...It won't get any better coz he'll be over everday keeping me upset about something...If I don't answer the door or phone he'll call the cops or the mgr of the complex who happens to be married to a cousin..I can't get away from it!!How can I tell him to back off???I know what Im about to say may take you by surprise and please don't misunderstand me but the only way I will ever get any peace is when he dies or if I moved somewhere where no one knew where I was...I DO NOT mean Im gonna kill him or wish that he would die,Im just proving a point...A person can only take so much...He tells me when to go to bed,tells me Im smoking or eating to much...Ive developed a hate for the man but he has drove me to it!!All I hear is I got so many worries on my mind..I told him well all I can say is he should of kept it in his pants and he wouldn't have any worries!!Another thing,the cousins wife gave my mother 2 keys to my apartment...That hacked me off!!They play ol billy heck if they think Im gonna let them have a key to my place!!Im gonna return the key to her and if she gives it back to them,Im calling the big wigs!!The way he has done me and is doing me makes me feel bad about myself...Almost like Im imcompetent to manage my life...Im sick of it!!A counselor I went to a few years ago in Tulsa told me he thought my dad was alot of my problems...Thanks everyone for letting me air my troubles...I don't know what else to do to make it any easier for me...
[This message has been edited by minerva (edited 09-05-2002).]
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bev52
09-05-2002, 01:03 AM
Hi Jasmine,
I have a mother that sounds like she could be your fathers sister. So sorry that this is happening to you.
I know it makes you feel like you're in prison or caged, and as long as you're anywhere near them,THEY ARE going to be a part of your life....even if you tell them to PUH-LEEZ, give me some breathing room, your're suffocating me to death!
I live in a different state from my mother...it still doesn't stop her from calling every day. I have actually told someone very close to me: "I will never be "free" as long as my mother is alive. She just won't leave me alone. I know how calloused that sounds and I'm not proud of it, but it's true. We've had discussion after discussion....it never sinks in with her.
If you can afford to move away, (far away) from him...it will be some better. He can't dog your every move!
Best of luck,
Bevlep
I have a mother that sounds like she could be your fathers sister. So sorry that this is happening to you.
I know it makes you feel like you're in prison or caged, and as long as you're anywhere near them,THEY ARE going to be a part of your life....even if you tell them to PUH-LEEZ, give me some breathing room, your're suffocating me to death!
I live in a different state from my mother...it still doesn't stop her from calling every day. I have actually told someone very close to me: "I will never be "free" as long as my mother is alive. She just won't leave me alone. I know how calloused that sounds and I'm not proud of it, but it's true. We've had discussion after discussion....it never sinks in with her.
If you can afford to move away, (far away) from him...it will be some better. He can't dog your every move!
Best of luck,
Bevlep
jasmine30
09-05-2002, 03:56 AM
Hi Bev,
Gosh I can't take it!!Last night a friend of mine came out to my parents...We were sitting around talking and my dad told her he would let her take me over to my new place but he was afraid I wouldn't wake up in time to meet the cable man that is coming this morning...I said,"Excuse me but if I want to go over there I will."Then he gets up in my face and calls me a smart you know what coz I told him off...I said now you know why we don't get along...I know I can't change a person,but honestly Ive had it!!Ive tried being assertive,telling him no,and even getting condescending with no help...My dad puts fear into me,he always has...When my step-sister died he told me I should look into getting a burial coz I was gonna die if I didn't lose weight...You don't make comments like that to anyone esp someone that has Panic Disorder who fears death..He just don't get it...He emotionally and verbally abuses me...He never tells me or my mother he loves us,we wait on him hand and foot..He can't get himself a glass of water,he can't fix his plate anything...Ive seriously thought about reporting him for abuse but I feel guilty because I have those feelings..He is the type person that treats the public better than his own family...The friend that was out last night he treats her like a Princess and me like Im some no good for nothing piece of no good...
Gosh I can't take it!!Last night a friend of mine came out to my parents...We were sitting around talking and my dad told her he would let her take me over to my new place but he was afraid I wouldn't wake up in time to meet the cable man that is coming this morning...I said,"Excuse me but if I want to go over there I will."Then he gets up in my face and calls me a smart you know what coz I told him off...I said now you know why we don't get along...I know I can't change a person,but honestly Ive had it!!Ive tried being assertive,telling him no,and even getting condescending with no help...My dad puts fear into me,he always has...When my step-sister died he told me I should look into getting a burial coz I was gonna die if I didn't lose weight...You don't make comments like that to anyone esp someone that has Panic Disorder who fears death..He just don't get it...He emotionally and verbally abuses me...He never tells me or my mother he loves us,we wait on him hand and foot..He can't get himself a glass of water,he can't fix his plate anything...Ive seriously thought about reporting him for abuse but I feel guilty because I have those feelings..He is the type person that treats the public better than his own family...The friend that was out last night he treats her like a Princess and me like Im some no good for nothing piece of no good...
chrysanthemum
09-05-2002, 05:50 AM
Hi Jasmine,
I'm not sure I see what abuse is going on. He is being a control-freak because you are letting him.
The head moderator is also a control freak. Don't let her be; go to another forum, another website ;)
Hi mod1 :wave:
[This message has been edited by chrysanthemum (edited 01-03-2003).]
I'm not sure I see what abuse is going on. He is being a control-freak because you are letting him.
The head moderator is also a control freak. Don't let her be; go to another forum, another website ;)
Hi mod1 :wave:
[This message has been edited by chrysanthemum (edited 01-03-2003).]
jasmine30
09-05-2002, 08:32 AM
Hi Chrys,
Emotional and verbal abuse is what its called...He has always been a control freak to me..Im an only child and Im sure it was hard for him to be left with a tiny baby however that doesn't give him the right to treat me in the manner he does...Ive done everything possible to stop his behavior towards me with no luck.When we have such critical people in our lives,when they make us feel the World is not a safe place,that we will get sick or hurt for this reason or that reason it makes us over cautious of everything we do or of the people we meet.My birth mother had frequent episodes of Anxiety and was taking Valium four times per day twelve days before I was born...Her mother treated her like a dog,made her feel useless like she had no right to a happy life...When my mom was pregnant,her mother told her the baby wouldn't be normal something would be wrong with me...All this non-sense because my mother married my dad and moved away from them...I honestly believe alot of my problems stem from inside the womb..There are two types of Psychology called Peri-Natal and Pre-Natal Psychology that I for one would love to learn more about.I say alot of my worry,anxiousness comes before I was born because Ive always been a fearful person even as a young child.I was scared of things that most kids wouldn't give a thought about.I agree with you that I should move away from them but I have to get myself straightend again before I do.I come from a long line of critical people...Most all have weight related issues but I was always the one that got told about it..I dont associate myself with my family because they caused alot of pain to me when I was growing up...Sometimes I wonder if my dad is doing this to me to drive me over the edge...Well he's doing a pretty good job of it!!They act like I dont have sense God gave a goose..Im a hard nosed person that is frank and open about whats on my mind...Im not some stupid icompetent person that can't take care of themself...I don't have to prove myself to them because I know Im fully cabable of taking care of myself and making the best decisions thats right for me...Thanks for your insight...
Emotional and verbal abuse is what its called...He has always been a control freak to me..Im an only child and Im sure it was hard for him to be left with a tiny baby however that doesn't give him the right to treat me in the manner he does...Ive done everything possible to stop his behavior towards me with no luck.When we have such critical people in our lives,when they make us feel the World is not a safe place,that we will get sick or hurt for this reason or that reason it makes us over cautious of everything we do or of the people we meet.My birth mother had frequent episodes of Anxiety and was taking Valium four times per day twelve days before I was born...Her mother treated her like a dog,made her feel useless like she had no right to a happy life...When my mom was pregnant,her mother told her the baby wouldn't be normal something would be wrong with me...All this non-sense because my mother married my dad and moved away from them...I honestly believe alot of my problems stem from inside the womb..There are two types of Psychology called Peri-Natal and Pre-Natal Psychology that I for one would love to learn more about.I say alot of my worry,anxiousness comes before I was born because Ive always been a fearful person even as a young child.I was scared of things that most kids wouldn't give a thought about.I agree with you that I should move away from them but I have to get myself straightend again before I do.I come from a long line of critical people...Most all have weight related issues but I was always the one that got told about it..I dont associate myself with my family because they caused alot of pain to me when I was growing up...Sometimes I wonder if my dad is doing this to me to drive me over the edge...Well he's doing a pretty good job of it!!They act like I dont have sense God gave a goose..Im a hard nosed person that is frank and open about whats on my mind...Im not some stupid icompetent person that can't take care of themself...I don't have to prove myself to them because I know Im fully cabable of taking care of myself and making the best decisions thats right for me...Thanks for your insight...
chrysanthemum
09-05-2002, 08:45 AM
Hi again, Jasmine,
It certainly does seem that you "learnt" to be fearful as a youngster, because of the people around you, and that is very sad.
I hope you are able to get things together enough to move away from these negative people, and I hope we can provide some support for you.
You are in a very frustrating predicament, and at the very least, I hope you feel you have a haven here.
Hugs and best wishes,
Chyrs. :)
It certainly does seem that you "learnt" to be fearful as a youngster, because of the people around you, and that is very sad.
I hope you are able to get things together enough to move away from these negative people, and I hope we can provide some support for you.
You are in a very frustrating predicament, and at the very least, I hope you feel you have a haven here.
Hugs and best wishes,
Chyrs. :)
bev52
09-05-2002, 10:52 PM
http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif ((((((((((Jasmine)))))))))) http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif
We're here.
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We're here.
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