mushroom1
11-09-2002, 08:50 PM
I have 5 kids. They are 6, 8, 14, 17 and 21. The 21 year old is away at school, but the others are home, of course.
My husband works a 50 hour week. I do not work. Most weekends, my husband and I are busy doing lots of chores. We ask our 14 & 17 year olds to work 3 hours on Saturday, cleaning. According to them, this is TOTALLY unreasonable. "None of our friends have to do nearly that much!" This is the only work that they do for us all week and they receive $50 a month allowance.
Do you think we are being unreasonable? Please be honest.
My husband works a 50 hour week. I do not work. Most weekends, my husband and I are busy doing lots of chores. We ask our 14 & 17 year olds to work 3 hours on Saturday, cleaning. According to them, this is TOTALLY unreasonable. "None of our friends have to do nearly that much!" This is the only work that they do for us all week and they receive $50 a month allowance.
Do you think we are being unreasonable? Please be honest.
Sponsor
Greenberry
11-09-2002, 10:58 PM
I do not think that is unreasonable at all. Of course I think it would have been easier if you had started when they were very little. When my daughter turns 3 (in 11 months) I will have a (very short) list of chores for her to do in order to earn $3.00 a week "commission." No chores, incomplete or sloppy chores, no commission. They will be easy chores, like feeding the cat and helping set the table, but every year I expect to increase the amount of help she does around the house. By the time she is 10 or so, I hope to turn the housework totally over to her (just kidding about that last part!)
I know that she is a CHILD, but one of the jobs I have as her mother is to train her and teach her what to expect in life. Not everyone will love her as much as her father and I do, and very seldom will she get something for nothing. She is a member of our family and is expected to contribute something to the family. In fact, she already does, and loves doing it! She helps me unload the groceries and put them away, and I got her a little broom so that she can help me sweep (actually, I got the broom so that she would leave mine alone because it is very hard to sweep with a 2 year old hanging on to the broom "helping" me!) Just my two cents.
I know that she is a CHILD, but one of the jobs I have as her mother is to train her and teach her what to expect in life. Not everyone will love her as much as her father and I do, and very seldom will she get something for nothing. She is a member of our family and is expected to contribute something to the family. In fact, she already does, and loves doing it! She helps me unload the groceries and put them away, and I got her a little broom so that she can help me sweep (actually, I got the broom so that she would leave mine alone because it is very hard to sweep with a 2 year old hanging on to the broom "helping" me!) Just my two cents.
mushroom1
11-10-2002, 03:01 AM
We did have them do a few chores when they were younger and it seemed to go okay. As they have gotten older, we have increased the work...and it has only been in the last couple of years that they complain so much. It is very annoying...I know that it would be easier to do the work myself, but I don't want to reward their bad behavior.
When I was growing up, I had an hour of chores after school every day and then it was my responsibility to wash the dinner dishes. Between this and my homework, I had little free time. I was trying to go easy on my own children, but I need a little help taking care of our home.
I appreciate all opinions.
When I was growing up, I had an hour of chores after school every day and then it was my responsibility to wash the dinner dishes. Between this and my homework, I had little free time. I was trying to go easy on my own children, but I need a little help taking care of our home.
I appreciate all opinions.
Lindarella
11-10-2002, 03:04 PM
If it's opinions you want, I have them. :)
I think it is unreasonable to require 3 hours of work on Saturday. I also think, that paying your children to do things to help the family is unreasonable. Children should have chores that they do without money rewards because it's part of being a family. Everyone has chores. To me, allowance is money that a child recieves irregardless of chores.
That said. I don't think doing 3 hours of work a week for a teen is unreasonable at all. The part I think is unreasonable is that you require them to do it on a Saturday. Why not let them spread these chores around their own schedule instead of yours? They can set up their own convenient times to do them. Maybe one hour Saturday, one Sunday, one Monday etc. I think they'd be much more willing to help (ok maybe not willing but would complain less ;) )if the times for the chores were times they could choose themselves. It would probably help to have the chores listed in some way so that the kids could add the day that each chore would be completed by.
Good luck to you. It's a bummer listening to them complain for sure. :)
I think it is unreasonable to require 3 hours of work on Saturday. I also think, that paying your children to do things to help the family is unreasonable. Children should have chores that they do without money rewards because it's part of being a family. Everyone has chores. To me, allowance is money that a child recieves irregardless of chores.
That said. I don't think doing 3 hours of work a week for a teen is unreasonable at all. The part I think is unreasonable is that you require them to do it on a Saturday. Why not let them spread these chores around their own schedule instead of yours? They can set up their own convenient times to do them. Maybe one hour Saturday, one Sunday, one Monday etc. I think they'd be much more willing to help (ok maybe not willing but would complain less ;) )if the times for the chores were times they could choose themselves. It would probably help to have the chores listed in some way so that the kids could add the day that each chore would be completed by.
Good luck to you. It's a bummer listening to them complain for sure. :)
Chelle1977
11-12-2002, 01:08 PM
Three hours? It takes them each three hours to clean the house? Thats a lot of time. Of course, you have a big family to clean up after I guess.
When I was in high school I was responsible for house-cleaning (almost all of it) along with working a part-time job and going to school. I did not get an allowance.
I'm sorry .. I think kids should help out around the house and I will not give my kids an "allowance", but I can not understand how you can be home all day and still have to spend the weekend doing "chores"? And how it could take 4 people 3 hours on a Saturday to get them all done?
Of course, I'm not a parent at all ... so what do I know?
When I was in high school I was responsible for house-cleaning (almost all of it) along with working a part-time job and going to school. I did not get an allowance.
I'm sorry .. I think kids should help out around the house and I will not give my kids an "allowance", but I can not understand how you can be home all day and still have to spend the weekend doing "chores"? And how it could take 4 people 3 hours on a Saturday to get them all done?
Of course, I'm not a parent at all ... so what do I know?
mushroom1
11-13-2002, 04:24 PM
The reason that we asked our boys to give us 3 hours on Saturday is because when we have tried to spread the work out over the week, they constantly make other plans or "forget" I chose Saturday morning because they were usually either sleeping in or playing computer games. (I still let them sleep in until 10)
We have a big house, I have some health problems and can't work like I once did. I spend 2 hours driving my younger children to and from a private school everyday, an hour cooking and an hour doing the dishes. I also do all of the shopping, laundry, after school activities, baths, stories etc. I am ill and I "work" about 8 hours a day. HOWEVER, if we don't do the Saturday clean, our house becomes messy. I just can not keep up and we can't afford a maid.
It does not matter to my sons that it comes all on Saturday...they think 3 hours is too much work.
We have a big house, I have some health problems and can't work like I once did. I spend 2 hours driving my younger children to and from a private school everyday, an hour cooking and an hour doing the dishes. I also do all of the shopping, laundry, after school activities, baths, stories etc. I am ill and I "work" about 8 hours a day. HOWEVER, if we don't do the Saturday clean, our house becomes messy. I just can not keep up and we can't afford a maid.
It does not matter to my sons that it comes all on Saturday...they think 3 hours is too much work.
Lindarella
11-13-2002, 07:42 PM
I see what you're saying. You certainly have your hands full there. Have you tried just having a heart to heart talk with the boys? Explain to them how much time you spend doing these other chores and stress the health aspect of it. Maybe adding a few tears for effect? ;) My mother did this to me once when I was teen and acting like a punk. I felt so darn bad that I didn't mind doing what she asked after that.
I don't have any magic suggestions for you. Wish I did. Good luck to you.
I don't have any magic suggestions for you. Wish I did. Good luck to you.
memyselfandi
11-18-2002, 05:27 PM
First of all, being a mother of 5 children is a lot of work and you should be proud of yourself. It is not unreasonable to request the kids help out even if your health was perfect. Not to sound cliche, but do they have food on their plates, clothes on their backs and a roof over their heads? I am not saying that they "owe" you anything either, but it is a matter of learning how to deal with life in general. They will eventually need to make decisions that they might not like such as... party all night or get a paycheck at the end of the week - let the house become a mess and hope my baby doesn't get injured. Teaching them responsibility now is not a bad thing.
I also think allowances are a personal choice. My own children have never received allowance they are 14 and 11 and neither did I. I think it can help them learn the value of the dollar, but if you're anything like me, mom's pockets always have change if needed.
I also think allowances are a personal choice. My own children have never received allowance they are 14 and 11 and neither did I. I think it can help them learn the value of the dollar, but if you're anything like me, mom's pockets always have change if needed.